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The Men in My Country
In the early 1990s, at the watershed age of thirty, Marilyn Abildskov decided she needed to start over. She accepted an offer to move from Utah to Matsumoto, Japan, to teach English to junior high school students. “All I knew is that I had to get away and when I stared at my name on the Japanese contract, the squiggles of katakana, my name typed in English sturdily beneath, I liked how it looked. As if it—as if I—were translated, transformed, emerging now as someone new.”
The Men in My Country is the story of an American woman living and loving in Japan. Satisfied at first to observe her exotic surroundings, the woman falls in love with the place, with the light, with the curve of a river, with the smell of bonfires during obon, with blue and white porcelain dishes, with pencil boxes, and with small origami birds. Later, struggling for a deeper connection—“I wanted the country under my skin”—Abildskov meets the three men who will be part of her transformation and the one man with whom she will fall deeply in love.
A travel memoir offering an artful depiction of a very real place, The Men in My Country also covers the terrain of a complex emotional journey, tracing a geography of the heart, showing how we move to be moved, how in losing ourselves in a foreign place we can become dangerously—and gloriously—undone.
The Men in My Country is the story of an American woman living and loving in Japan. Satisfied at first to observe her exotic surroundings, the woman falls in love with the place, with the light, with the curve of a river, with the smell of bonfires during obon, with blue and white porcelain dishes, with pencil boxes, and with small origami birds. Later, struggling for a deeper connection—“I wanted the country under my skin”—Abildskov meets the three men who will be part of her transformation and the one man with whom she will fall deeply in love.
A travel memoir offering an artful depiction of a very real place, The Men in My Country also covers the terrain of a complex emotional journey, tracing a geography of the heart, showing how we move to be moved, how in losing ourselves in a foreign place we can become dangerously—and gloriously—undone.
168 pages, Hardcover
First published September 1, 2004
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
July 31, 2014
I picked this up because I thought it was about teaching in Japan. Having taught abroad (China and Egypt), and having taught many Japanese students in the US, I thought it was a travel book about the teaching experience.
It turned out to be something very different. It is common knowledge among expat teachers, that some US men teach abroad to meet women, who "unlike American women, know how to treat a guy". As I got beyond the introductory pages about sensing and "watching" Japan, I wondered if this book was about the reverse, liberated American women shattering a taboo and having sexual exploits in a foreign land.
Further into the book, there is more insight. This is a highly sensitive person, looking for a place, affirmation, love, or maybe permanence in a world that hasn't offered it to her. Needs transcend her awareness of the wake she leaves behind. Despite her deep love (or is it need) for one man, she entertains two others. The man she loves wants her in some way, but is emotionally unavailable. Of the other two, one is married, and the other, as a worker in a noodle factory is not a serious suitor. I would expect that both have emotional scars from their relationship with the author. None of the three men speaks English well enough to have a normal, let alone nuanced, conversation with her.
The book chronicles, after 7 years retrospect, her memories of the encounters, from her observation, along with a backdrop of the intrigue of a foreign adventure.
I would recommend this to anyone going through a romantic breakup. Like a conversation with a fellow sufferer, it could offer a balm. The pain comes through the detail of obsession for the lost. The writing is very good, and I like the remembered conversations italicized and not quoted, since there is no way they can be exact. For those looking for a travel adventure, or insight into teaching English, this is not the book.
The cover is great. The origami figures in subtle colors clearly evoke Japan.
It turned out to be something very different. It is common knowledge among expat teachers, that some US men teach abroad to meet women, who "unlike American women, know how to treat a guy". As I got beyond the introductory pages about sensing and "watching" Japan, I wondered if this book was about the reverse, liberated American women shattering a taboo and having sexual exploits in a foreign land.
Further into the book, there is more insight. This is a highly sensitive person, looking for a place, affirmation, love, or maybe permanence in a world that hasn't offered it to her. Needs transcend her awareness of the wake she leaves behind. Despite her deep love (or is it need) for one man, she entertains two others. The man she loves wants her in some way, but is emotionally unavailable. Of the other two, one is married, and the other, as a worker in a noodle factory is not a serious suitor. I would expect that both have emotional scars from their relationship with the author. None of the three men speaks English well enough to have a normal, let alone nuanced, conversation with her.
The book chronicles, after 7 years retrospect, her memories of the encounters, from her observation, along with a backdrop of the intrigue of a foreign adventure.
I would recommend this to anyone going through a romantic breakup. Like a conversation with a fellow sufferer, it could offer a balm. The pain comes through the detail of obsession for the lost. The writing is very good, and I like the remembered conversations italicized and not quoted, since there is no way they can be exact. For those looking for a travel adventure, or insight into teaching English, this is not the book.
The cover is great. The origami figures in subtle colors clearly evoke Japan.
February 16, 2015
Maybe 2.5 stars...
I really liked the first half of the book. Nice writing style and interesting things the author experienced and felt. However, I wasn't so thrilled with the second half. It just gets desperate and needy, sometimes confusing. I ended this book with a sour taste in my mouth, unfortunately. While I was full aware that this is a collection of the author's experiences and I wasn't looking for a happy ending, the last couple chapters were no good for me.
I will say that it's a good book for anyone planning to go abroad for an extended amount of time (a couple months, at least) or has just returned from a foreign country. It perfectly touches on the reverse culture shock you feel when you've returned home.
I really liked the first half of the book. Nice writing style and interesting things the author experienced and felt. However, I wasn't so thrilled with the second half. It just gets desperate and needy, sometimes confusing. I ended this book with a sour taste in my mouth, unfortunately. While I was full aware that this is a collection of the author's experiences and I wasn't looking for a happy ending, the last couple chapters were no good for me.
I will say that it's a good book for anyone planning to go abroad for an extended amount of time (a couple months, at least) or has just returned from a foreign country. It perfectly touches on the reverse culture shock you feel when you've returned home.
November 18, 2008
When it's time to curl up with tea and wonderful writing, I always reach for Abildskov's collection.
February 22, 2012
delicate, beautiful, moving, funny, insightful. A master of her craft shows the way.
July 21, 2022
Stunningly brilliant . Ranks up there amongst the best books I have read along with A Gentleman innMoscowv
March 26, 2025
Loved, loved, loved this book. Such beautiful images, such intelligent thoughts. Such MOVEMENT. I will read it again.
June 29, 2010
A collection of essays/chapters about the author's life in Japan and how she met and fell in love with three men but in vastly different ways. I thought it was very well-written and accurately described how women, esp single women, feel when they travel and live in a foreign country. I should know as I've lived briefly in Italy and Scotland, though never anywhere as different as Japan (which both fascinates and slightly repels me). My favorite person in the book was Amir. Even though things end slightly bad for her, I wish I had the opportunity to live there as she had.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews