Before We Go Live: Navigating the Abusive World of Online Entertainment

by Stephen Flavall

'Starting out, I made three dollars an hour; then I made four, then eight. After a year and a half of streaming full-time I was finally making minimum wage. A couple of years after that I was signed to a professional team and advertising products to my audience for $1,000 an hour.' Streaming video games is now a billion-dollar industry. In 2022, Twitch alone has over 140 million active monthly users, with top players earning millions each year. But success breeds envy, and when big money's being made, everyone wants a piece. In Before We Go Live, professional streamer Stephen Flavall, aka 'jorbs', invites the reader behind the scenes of this new frontier. From the boardrooms of LA to doctors' offices in the Midwest, dealing with trolls and stalkers to mingling with crypto scammers and ruthless opportunists, Before We Go Live is both a true story about the dark realities of streaming and the tale of a deep and enduring friendship. It's about what happens when real life intersects with entertainment, and learning to act with kindness and humour in an online world full of prejudice and abuse.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir

200 pages, Paperback

Published May 23, 2023

Reviews

[Alec · Rating 5 out of 5]

What's telling about this book is that I don't know how to tell you what it's about quickly. By title and cover, you'd think it's about streaming video games - which it is. If you know the author as Jorbs, you'd think it's about using strategic thinking to navigate real life - which it is. If you read the first chapter, you'd think maybe it's about a relationship - which it is. And if you just read the content warning, you'd think it's about abuse - which it is.

At the same time, though, it's none of these things; its "just" a memoir by a person who streams video games, thinks strategically, and survived and observes abusive relationships. Stephen tells stories, describes dreams, makes metaphor, and elucidates ethical philosophy -- which in totality forced me to reflect on my own behavior, my own trauma, and the world at large. I took two different breaks while reading to meditate and sleep (and cry.) And I'll be thinking about people as boats and the anxiety of microphone peaking, probably forever.

It took incredible acts of vulnerability by many people - especially Stephen and Hannah - to get this book written, and I think it only fair that anyone interested in streaming, parasocial relationships, abuse (and recovery), or being a "good person" check this book out. I doubt you'll come away from it convinced that playing video games for a living is a great idea, or that the world is full of unstoppable hope and goodness - but you'll come away a better person, if for nothing else but a supercharged shot of empathy.

[J LaPray · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really, really good. It is insightful, inspiring, yet also alarming at times. Stephen gives his valuable perspective into the “behind the scenes” of being a streamer while providing engaging opinions on various social and global issues. His story with F2K and his related commentary tie seamlessly together, so much so that I didn’t even realize the book was on a relative timeline until I was over halfway through it.

Stephen has a good heart and his selflessness shines through the pages. Though he can be a bit cynical about some things, his views are realistic and certainly worth taking a good think about. It is clear to me that he is passionate about his work and in his goal to help others as much as he can through a still developing medium.

Read this book and be inspired to be an agent of change. Stephen recognizes that it starts with each one of us as individuals. “Every tiny improvement [we] make can make a gigantic change in the world”.

[Kiefer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely stellar look into the life of a full time streamer, read it all in one night. Absolutely recommend to anyone even mildly interested in the subject.

[Golding · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a fan of Jorbs' stream although not really onboard with his views or approach on some things.

The book was really genuine, open, and thoughtful about certain areas. He expresses his care for his streaming colleague well, and his contempt for most of the other people he's run into in the industry.

He's quite intense and relatively sensitive to conflict, and in my view, misses large parts of life because he doesn't consider anything beyond pretty simple black and white views. i.e. on environmentalism, feminism, etc there really isn't any nuance - there is simply the good position and the evil position and he wonders why everyone doesn't just do the right thing.

He does admit that his views are changing and also influenced by his personal history and seems to be trying to learn, so it's hard to blame him, and he expresses it openly and well, so I enjoyed it despite not really agreeing with some of his points. And there are some pretty good moments mixed in too. \

The book also works as a pretty clear expression of viewpoints which are pretty common nowadays - "trauma" is a very important concept and informs nearly everything he talks about. I'm on board partially - my only critique is that as a concept it trumps everything. He'll ask "if someone wants me to call them by a certain name, why wouldn't I?" but he never puts limits on it. If we were debating "what limits should we set, balancing the value with the cost of support?" I'd love to have the discussion. But we never get any limits on it - it's just "infinite compassion" which is wonderful, but at scale in a world of strangers, will invariably be exploited. He doesn't really ever embody the view "let me push back on you a bit" in the real life situations he describes - I would expect that anyone on the "tougher" side of him in any area would be viewed in a pretty negative light. i.e. in discussion you basically would be at huge risk if you ever argue against him even slightly. This seems asymmetric. Like, in Slay the Spire, he knows not to take absolute positions - i.e. he doesn't like Claw decks but will play them in certain conditions. But in real life, I think he would be *highly* reluctant to publicly ever take a position which could be framed as "in this specific case, this woman is wrong and this man is right". Pure speculation on my part here and I'd welcome being proven wrong.

One huge benefit is that listening to his stream now is much more enjoyable to me. Previously he seemed extremely sensitive and resistant to his viewers, quite prickly and aggressive towards his commenters - for example someone would ask "In this situation, how do you choose between card A or B" and he immediately answers "You should pick the one which works better". This is a pretty classic response of someone who is uncomfortable/stressed out but also believes in only giving "serious" or "rigorous" answers. Now that I have heard his viewpoint on how he feels while streaming, I have a lot more empathy to him. I almost imagine that his strategic values inform everything he does - so socially ignoring or giving an incomplete answer is almost offensive to him. And as a perfectionist, he hates giving incomplete explanations - so he ends up answering with technically true tautologies which sound almost insulting to his viewers, because it's the only way out for him. After reading it I can also appreciate his humor much more. Overall I think he's super sincere and wish him well, and am glad he is on the right track, still playing Slay the Spire, and basically figuring out life.

[Ilya Scheidwasser · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a fan of the author's, so I was somewhat predisposed to liking this book. Jorbs is a professional video game streamer, especially known for his Slay the Spire content, which is how I discovered him. I've since watched a lot of different videos by him - streams of other games, explanation and analysis videos on Slay the Spire, and videos relating to more general topics, including some aspects of his life. And so, I'd already heard a decent amount of this book's content before reading it, by virtue of him talking about these topics already.

Essentially, this book is a collection of essays on various topics from Jorbs's life as a streamer and the lives of those close to him in the streaming industry. It focuses specifically on the back end of streaming: the people supporting streamers in the background, the companies that streamers work for, and so on. It shows streaming as a callous, profit-driven industry, full of disingenuous and ignorant businesspeople, and especially hostile to women, both from the industry side and from the audience side.

Jorbs spends a lot of time in the book telling very personal and specific stories about the problems both he and those close to him have run into in the industry. He also spends a lot of time thinking about why things are as bad as they are, how things could be better, what people can do differently, and how people can cope with and fight back against toxic capitalism, misogyny, and various forms of abuse.

In terms of the book's content and themes, I found it fascinating. I think that Jorbs shows a great capacity for interesting and insightful reflection on many different topics relating to how our society is structured and how people interact with each other. In terms of the book's writing, I found it a little lacking; the narrative felt a bit haphazard and disjointed, and the language and general feel of the book was often somewhat clunky and hard to follow.

Still, I found the book to be a very unique and worthwhile read, and found a lot in it to think about and reflect on. The stories in the book, as well as the broader philosophical ideas, were informative and enriching.

[Isa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very good, and at times frustrating. I have abuse survivors in my family, and Stephen's book helped us to have some difficult and important conversations that helped to bring us closer together or at least understand each other more deeply. If you have people in your life who want to get into entertainment or games, or if you have people in your life who have been abused, this book is eye-opening and powerful. It is at times scattered, poetic, uncomfortable, and confusing, but I imagine that is nothing compared to what it must be like for anybody to have these sorts of thoughts and experiences every day of his life.

It was a unique read, getting a look behind the scenes, as well as the thoughtful collection of essays he weaves. Like some of the other reviewers, I was confused about all of the credit he gave to Hannah. She is the most likable person, and it's so clear he loves and admires her and hopes they have a future together despite both being abuse survivors.

I hope that Stephen will follow up to give us an update on his life of dealing with trauma, and an update or ending to his love story with Hannah. The two clearest emotions that come through in the book are Stephens building disgust with the abusive behavior he encounters, and his undying love and commitment to Hannah. Being a follower of his stream and social accounts, I am aware he was recently forced to make a disclosure where he had to anonymize Hannah, but it's very clear that both of them have continued to be the target of harassment and abuse. Hannah is clearly the girlfriend or the employee in his recent disclosure (hopefully not both, but he wrote of stranger things happening). Stephen does not owe any of his audience more of his personal life, but if he reads these reviews, I want him to know how many people in his chat hope that things have improved, and would enthusiastically hear or read more about his road to healing and boundary setting with career, other streamers, audience, and romantic partner.

[Dan Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book because I watch the author play video games live on the Internet. He has a very dry sense of humor, an analytical bent toward his difficult games, a tender parasocial relationship with his fan community, a supportive attitude toward underrepresented women and minorities in gaming, and firm boundaries.

I first took notice while watching a long video he made about why he doesn't permit backseating, which is the practice of giving over the shoulder advice about what to do next or how to play the game that he is playing. He had obviously thought the topic through very carefully, and he brings that every day, and to this book.

Stephen has written a somewhat elliptical book in his inimitable style. If you're familiar with his voice, it's easy to hear him saying out loud what he wrote. Some of his online quirks are revealed as the natural outgrowth of his background and tendencies. Others don't show up on the air and you never would have guessed.

Some of it is a straightforward retelling of the good, bad, and ugly of the Internet broadcast business. And there are some ugly characters indeed.

Some of it is couched in metaphors, some is like oblique poetry. I'm glad that Stephen had the latitude to write chapters that sneak up on you. That the book is free to digress and not just plod linearly through the suffering of good people at the hands of bad people. That we can have some bon mots along with our exposé.

The book ends, but not with a pat ending. One hopes that it all meant something, that everyone involved is in a better place. And the story is still getting written, online most days.

[Paul Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would categorize myself as a heavy user of Twitch. I've watched many of the streamers mentioned in this book. Twitch streamers and largely anyone related to the work involved have it bad, especially the women (and fem presenting and nonbinary folks). As a viewer of some esports and team based streamers, hearing some of the stories of the disconnect that people in power have with the realities of the job as well as their callous disregard for privacy, free time, work ethics, personal boundaries and just about everything else was tough to read.

I will try to keep this review spoiler free.

This book is not the easiest read for people with certain triggers of abuse. That being said, I do think Stephen handles both his warnings and his explanations with an almost inhuman amount of grace. As a casual reader, you will read what happens at several points and feel a great amount of empathy for the main people in the account. This includes those who may do the some of the bigger wrongs mentioned in the book. Stephen's levity makes the situations palatable to read while not over glamourizing or playing up the wrongs as described.

I do think this book is an important read, not just for viewers or even streamers, but also anyone who may find themselves either in charge of others (as a boss/supervisor) or a business owner. Everything involved for the wrongs almost serve as a blueprint of what not to do. Read it in a good place with yourself and hopefully come out with more understanding of a complicated industry that is maturing as we speak.

[MajiinBae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked it up one night and didn't put it down until I finished it. Highly recommend to people who are in the streaming business or to anyone who is interested on how it works behind the curtain!

This book wasn't entirely what I had expected when I picked it up, and I think I enjoyed it even more because of that. Stephen's book follows a storyline that we return to over and over again after we branch off and dive deeper on various topics and experiences. This gave the book a "page turner" quality that I was pleasantly surprised by.

Some parts of the book are upsetting read, abuse and abusers are recurring topics. I am fortunate enough to not have much first hand experience with abuse so Stephen's (and other's) experiences were very insightful to me. I learned a lot about the struggles of dealing with these issues and maybe a bit on how to help those going through.

I expected a book about streaming (and it was) but the other parts of the book impacted me most. Finishing left me introspective, thinking about how I treat others. Am I a good person? How can I be better to my friends?

Any book that leaves me wanting to be a better person gets 5 stars.

[Chris C · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up as I have watched jorbs stream on Twitch fairly regularly, and have a genuine curiosity about the world "behind the curtain" of the streaming industry.

I haven't read a memoir before so this was a new experience for me. It almost feels like an invasion of privacy, to read about what happened in someone else's life (the good, the bad and the ugly - all most definitely covered by this book). I found myself reading a few chapters then stopping for a few days to absorb what was said, what that means to me as a twitch viewer, and what it means to my own life - what lessons can I learn? How would I act in that situation?

It was heavy going - it's sadly not a surprise just how wretched people in this world can be, and this book shone a light on how in some cases it is even worse. I also found myself feeling distress at times, knowing that someone experienced these events but there is nothing I can/could do - not entirely different from the author's feelings towards the injustices he observed throughout his journey.

The contents of this book will stick with me in many ways, I am glad to have read it.

[Katrina Cable · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not a gamer. I don't get the streaming world. The fact that my son is addicted to Fortnite frustrates me. I read this book because a relative of Stephen's gave it to me to read. I actually enjoyed it. I found it interesting but confusing with his timeline. I can't work out if Hannah's abusive relationship was Jake and if not, what happened to Jake. Maybe I just missed that part. I found Stephen intriguing in that he always had females backs in such a male dominated world and wondered why that was esp as it was two females that abused him. I wondered why he stayed with F2K for so long when clearly they were dicks and didn't have his best interests at heart. But no, I am not a gamer and still don't get the attraction of streaming. Who has time to watch or listen to a 3-8 hour stream? But I definitely wanted to finish it.

[Tom · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of jorbs so when I saw he was writing a memoir, I jumped on it. There are themes of sexism in the workplace, troubles with balancing an online persona with reality and subsequent relationship issues that stem from that, and navigating the financials of a new industry. Maybe I read this too quickly, but these themes weren't presented in a compelling way, other than through Hannah.

Successes:
1) Jorbs wrote a book!
2) Stephen is often vulnerable and those sections tended to be the most powerful.
3) Forward thinking questions about how children, teens, and young adults are interfacing with streaming and where and how to add protections.

I hope he continues to explore his feelings through writing, and I do believe he will become a better writer with more experience.

[Kosh Koshover · Rating 2 out of 5]

weird book--i enjoyed "getting to know" about jorbs a little more as I have enjoyed his StS streams for a while. There was a lot of valuable and interesting glimpses about the behind the scenes and culture of streaming. And i also appreciated the vulnerability and sharing of struggles/challenges. I struggled more with the way he talked about the past and his disgust with how things went; it all seemed very rose tinted and holier than thou but he didn't actually do anything about the toxicity or abuse just sort of lived through it with "disgust", I would never do this, I said they should do that etc... and i was also very confused by all the content attributed to Hannah; i get it, she is a great person and valuable employee but it was a little disproportionate considering it is his memoir.

[Bobby Glushko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I loved this book so much. If you have any interest in streaming content, or really, any interest in the messy ethics of being a human on this planet, I highly recommend it. The writing is clear and confessional without being overly sentimental.

I've been watching Jorbs play games for over 4 years, and seeing the person behind the parasocial relationship has given me something. I feel like I understand so many moments that played out on screen in a new way now, and I have so much empathy for what it must have been like to be the prismatic self that Jorbs' journey must have required.

[Brie Flanagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephen takes a topic that is rarely considered by others, in the streaming and online entertainment industry, and applies such relatable stories from both his and others' lives that the reader cannot help but reframe how they approach the growing field of online entertainers, and possibly even every other interpersonal interaction they have. The crux and breadth of the story Stephen sets out to tell belongs to many, including himself, but the heart-wrenching honesty and delightful prose are all his. You don't need to regularly watch his channel to appreciate this book; you need only be capable of developing empathy for others. Stephen fills in the rest.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really unique book from a unique perspective (and a great person). I appreciate the look into the things abusers do, why they do them, how they do them, and how current societal norms allow them to continue to do those things, even in new spaces. I have so much sympathy for Hannah, she sounds like an amazing person. Thinking about these things in the way you would a strategy game was so interesting to me, and really helps you understand the inner workings of manipulation. There were so many people mentioned in the story (specifically in F2K) that I could perfectly picture in my head, and I think that speaks to just how prevalent the experiences are in this book.

[Zac · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was fantastic. The story was gripping and (without intending to) I ended up reading the entire book over the course of a day. I think everyone can learn from the lessons included herein. We can all strive to lead with empathy and understand each other better. It's too easy to dehumanize the individuals who sit behind computer monitors, today, and this book calls out misbehavior of bad actors while praising those who have been focused on being kind and fair within online spaces. I ugly cried:10/10. I cannot recommend this read highly enough.

[Alex Dalious · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephen "jorbs" Flavall has built a large community around his extremely high-level play of complex strategy games and streaming it online. This book peeks behind the curtain and into a very dark and manipulative world created by unscrupulous men.

This isn't a happy story, but it is a hopeful one. Good people can find each other; in the best scenarios, they can help each other recover from the trauma of terrible people.

Thanks for sharing all of this, jorbs.

[Jack Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very honest reflection on an industry all about performance, Before We Go Live is an engaging look at the flaws, joys, challenges, struggles, and deep connections that can arise from the world of online streaming and content creation. I greatly enjoyed how Stephen Flavall's personality and perspective come through as the reader is shown behind the scenes of one of the fastest growing forms of online entertainment.

[Daniel Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book utterly compelling. I’m a big fan of jorbs’ stream and getting to hear him wrestle with things that he wants to be more considered about was brilliant. Jorbs’ view of the world, his deep humanity and desire for others to succeed reminds me a little of Sir Terry Pratchett.

It was heartbreaking at times, that was balanced with some hope and joy. I’m very glad I read it.

[Pyrex · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really important book. However, I don't think I can summarize it in a way that respectfully deals with the content.

Everything involving John is vile and morally outrageous, made worse by glimpses of his humanity. I can't imagine anyone passing through the events of this story and coming through with so much insight.

[Alyss · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the hardest reads I've ever gotten through. Not because the writing was unengaging--quite the opposite--but it tackles a myriad of heavy and uncomfortable topics without pulling any punches while still feeling respectful (and ultimately even inspiring) of the content. Simply amazing; I got more emotional reading it than I was attending my first Taylor Swift concert the night before.

[Lea Flanagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book! Anyone who consumes or is part of streaming content in any way should read it. If you don't consume streaming or are any part of it you should read it. It is such an amazingly sincere and beautiful peeling back of the layers of Jorbs and his life. Totally blown away!

[Jost · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t often read non-fiction, and fewer personal memoirs, and even even fewer modern ones (possibly this is the first?). Unsurprisingly, that is probably a mistake and Before We Go Live proves that to be be the case. It took me slightly over a day to read the book because it was hard to put down.

[Mark Restrepo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very raw and open look at a strange industry, and one man's difficulties navigating it. I'm a Jorbs viewer so I was definitely predisposed to liking this book, and it was very cool to read a much more extended, personal view of how he sees the world.

[Matin Moors · Rating 4 out of 5]

Streaming and this streamer specifically has given a lot to me, a nerdy kid who grew up playing video games and very shy around people. To learn more about content I have consumed non-stop from about age 14 was insightful and horrifying.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest (sometimes brutally so) reflections about streaming and being a content creator. I enjoyed the more self reflective parts. Stephen is clearly brilliant and his mind is fascinating.

[Vera Vetterli · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible book about incredible people. I cried a lot when the people in this book fought for each other. I would to see this book to do well (as it deserves it) but am bad at writing reviews.

[Sabrina Lupsan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book for two reasons: it's a very good book, and also I'm a big fan of Jorbs. But it mainly was a very good book.

[David Solberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertaining but not surprising. The story was mostly about another person, less about the troubles being on the forefront of the streaming industry.