I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper: Loving Your Marriage after the Baby Carriage

by Trisha Ashworth, Amy Nobile

Best-selling authors Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile brought sweet relief to moms with their first book, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids . Here they return with a frank, yet encouraging look at marriage post-tots. They set out to discover if parenthood has to be incompatible with conjugal blissand if so, how to change that. To find out, they spoke to hundreds of mothers (and quite a few fathers). I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper examines the challenges of modern parenthood for married couples today and it extends a loving hand so that mothers can step out of the madness, make the most of what they have, and learn to love their marriages as much as they love their husbands and kids.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Marriage, Humor, Relationships

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Trisha Ashworth lives in Northern California with her husband and three children.

Reviews

[Suzanne]

First of all, I hate the title of this book.

There is a colon in between two statements, that I believe, are in direct opposition to each other.

"I'd Trade my Husband for a Housekeeper: Loving Your Marriage after the Baby Carriage" - are you kidding me?!

Any woman who would "trade her husband for a housekeeper," either is in a tragic, horrible marriage, or has her priorities seriously out of whack. I realize that it is a joke, but it's about as funny as a train wreak. Humor is, often times, a helpful coping tool, but I found this book to be too heavy on the side of dangerously overindulgent complaining and husband bashing, and downright anemic when it came to offering constructive tips or ideas for moving past these things and creating a "loving marriage after the baby carriage."

And what about potential male readers looking for ways to improve their marriage? Wouldn't they find this title alienating and/or offensive?

I picked up this book because I really enjoyed reading "I was a really good mom before I had kids." I was really unprepared for motherhood and hearing other mom's confessions of insecurity and angst, about staying home or going to work, among other topics, really helped me feel less alone. I also identify with many of the complaints the wives list about their husbands; however, most of them are completely stupid, trivial matters when compared to the big picture stuff - and I think it is important to identify them as such in order to "love your marriage after the baby carriage," Saying that you'd trade your husband for a housekeeper, or pay someone else to have sex with him because it's just another thing on the "to-do" list, does not communicate a feeling of respect or value for the person you married, who is a human being with feelings - and it is sad - it makes me sad to hear these things, even with a comical spin.

Some excerpts of "The Dirty Little Secrets" confessions sprinkled throughout:

"I'm secretly putting off having him get a vasectomy because it allows me that one week when I'm ovulating to not have sex."

"I keep a tally on a calendar of every time I have sex with my husband so if he throws a hissy fit about not getting enough, I have a handy paper trail."

"I really wish I had followed my grandmother's advice and married for money."

"I COULD come home for dinner, but I work late instead. Why come home to two screaming kids and a bowl of cereal?"

Sad, sad stuff. There's no way around it.

This book is an extended bitch session, and in no way should it be confused for a marital self-help book.

[Tawni]

Not what I had hoped for. Was hoping for more of a light, funny read. This was to much results from surveys and what they said...

[Renise]

I wouldn't REALLY trade him...he looks pretty cute in an apron!

[Mary]

I really did not like this book. I'll admit that I picked it up because of the funny title and the cover picture. What I was thinking this book was going to be about was, keeping things real after having a baby--managing your own personal self, marriage and baby in a realistic way and ways to avoid falling into a rut. And I wanted something to read before problems arise. While I only read half of the book, it got quite repetitive and boring. Most of the interviews they did involved asking women (mostly) how happy they were in their marriage. Many responded with a 5, and then when asked how they were going to improve that number, they did not have a response or figured that things would resolve on their own after the kid(s) were old enough to move out if the house. There really wasn't much advice in the book, let alone good advice, or even good preventative measures to avoid unhappiness (of course you can't avoid unhappiness totally). Most of the "advice" was common sense, such as communicating with your husband/wife. Well, duh! Save your time and money and find a better book to read.

This review is also posted on the LibraryThing website.

[Laney]

I read 3/4 of this book during a pedicure and finished the rest when I got home and it was a cute, quick, and pretty mindless read. Was it revolutionary? No. Did I enjoy it? Sure. Best takeaway points for me were: allow your spouse to grow and be who he wants (not who YOU want), have regular date nights, and have regular girlfriend time instead of expecting your husband to gossip with you (guilty)

[Lya Williams]

I found this at my local library. It was definitely great insightful information. Shared in a simple way. It didn't feel preachy and it was an easy read when I had time to spare. Its definitely a great self help and encouraging.

[Carrie]

I definitely wouldn't trade my husband for a housekeeper but there were some good suggestions for tending to your marriage.

[Donna M.]

A friend gave me this book to read. It is a humorous book in the style of self-help for marriages with children. Most of the advice in the book is common sense but regardless it is good to revisit some of the commonplace recommendations for holding both your marriage and family life together when a million other things are pulling you in different directions. For example, working on your relationship with your husband, placing your relationship higher up on the priority list, showing your children healthy relationships etc. It was written in a way that was not boring and does make you think about living in the moment and enjoying your husband and family. I would advise anyone who is feeling like they can't be superwoman to read. It is an entertaining, honest read that takes a look at the modern challenges of parenthood and marriage but it lacks some substance. It is more of a fun, fast and choppy basic advice book. As long as you don't have high expectations and don't expect it to turn your life around it is a decent read. It definitely has a few really good points and perspectives. Nice light-hearted advice book.

[Lacey Louwagie]

To be clear, I would not trade my husband for anything, but this book caught my attention with its accessible design and its promise to speak to the unique transition a marriage goes through after adding a child to the picture.

There wasn't much new here -- it was basically the cliff notes version of every marriage advice book I've ever read with the mention of children thrown in copiously throughout. The tone was a little snarky at times, especially in the "dirty little secrets" -- confessions sprinkled throughout from real spouses that were sometimes innocent, sometimes sweet, often depressing -- which I found to be pretty off-putting. It does contain pretty good advice if it's the first marriage book you're picking up, and its accessibility, readability and attractive design are a good fit for a busy parent who probably doesn't have a ton of time and patience to really dig into the research referenced. But as someone who attempted to earn a PhD in happy marriages once I made the decision to tie the knot myself, it felt pretty simplistic.

PopSugar 2018 Reading Challenge Item: A prompt from a previous year (a book with a family member in the title.)

[Jenny Garone]

This isn't a book for those whose marriages are really, really broken. It's more of a book for taking your happiness level up a few notches.

There isn't really anything ground breaking in this book, but there were nice reminders in there. And much of the book was so open & honest - I only have one friend who I can truly talk about the darker side of marriage with, so it was a relief knowing that so many others have less than ideal thoughts of their marriage, husband, kids & self from time to time. Why are we not being open & honest with our friends? Life is hard and we just make it harder when we try to paint a pretty picture instead of reaching out to each other.

I didn't agree with everything in this book, but it gave me a lot to think about, and started a few discussions with my husband.

[Katy]

This book was funny and thought provoking. Although it didn't tell me anything I didn't know. It is important to make time for your marriage and put it before your kids, otherwise you are just roommates. I really enjoyed the comments and "dirty little secrets" of real people the authors included. If more moms read this book, they'd realize that what they think moms/wives should be is not what they actually are. I have always been a realist and am irritated by those that idealize certain things and are disappointed when the reality isn't what they imagine. Wake up ladies...live your life and enjoy the here and now! I am just as guilty as the next for wishing my life another month away.

I read this book in less than a day. Great quick read!

[Kristin Bonacci]

This was a light, funny, entertaining book. The most comforting part was that most wives feel the same way but no one will let others know, they don't want to appear less than perfect. Now when I drive down the road, walk in the grocery store, go to work...I'm gonna know that everybody else is stressed/frustrated too. Misery loves company I guess. Don't get me wrong, thinking I'm miserable and all that, but it is helpful to know my own life is pretty much normal.

[Carol]

This is a great book written by moms, for moms. I appreciated the no-nonsense, straighforward approach. There was nothing earth-shattering in the book, but there were some great points such as most women don't admit that motherhood is stressful or different than they expected/wanted. Because of that, women actually hurt each other by creating an unrealistic view of happiness and what a "perfect marriage/mom" looks like. The male perspective was fascinating. Read it!

[Joqui]

A very cute book. Funny, yet very informative. I recommend it to anyone who is in a relationship and has kids and feels like they've completely forgotten what it's like to be in a normal marriage without all the extras (soccer practice, cookie bake-offs, PTO meetings, work, etc. etc.)

I plan to apply a lot of the research that these women did in my own marriage... anyway, read it.. it's good =)

[Lisa]

It's a humorous look at married life for the young family. I didn't learn much, as far as tips for improving my marriage, but it was a nice chance to laugh at myself and the differences between men and women and the challenges that are added when children come into the picture. It does include some profanity, that I did not care for, it wasn't needed to get any points across and came across as low-class to me.

[Martha]

advice is kind of repetative (have more sex!), but I like reading the "dirty little secrets" posted throughout, and will look for the book the author has just them. Basic advice is, no one has a perfect marriage, and it's worth working on yours to make it better (but so far, not much concrete ideas on what you can do to make it better).

[Julee3702004]

This book was OK. I give them credit for wanting to discuss the challenges of marriage openly but there were no revelations. I did admire their desire to "tell it like it is" although I did not read about resolutions to resolving challenges.

[Jodi]

Perhaps a bit extreme, but nevertheless a good "reference" book with good messages. One I should probably just purchase and re-read every so often. I think this is the 3rd book they've written. I'm soon to read the 2nd. I think just maybe I should have read them in order...

[Laurie]

This was a great book. In spite of the title, the book is really about how to be happy in marriage and gives a lot of insight into knowing how your husband thinks. I am planning on reading some of their other books.

[Jennifer]

This book is a lot more pro-husband and marriage than it sounds. It was encouraging to read the quotes from others moms and dads working hard to make marriage a priority in the midst of the seemingly more urgent needs of their kids.

[Katie]

Hilarious! It also makes really good points about taking care of yourself and your marriage and how that those are the best things you can bring to the table as a parent. Just a different point of view from the "perfect-mommy-blogger" pov. Also, hilarious!

[Pamela]

A cousin gave me this book. At first I had mixed feelings about reading it, but it was an easy read and there actually were some great reminders about appreciating each other and taking time for the adults in the house. I would recommend it to anyone with young kids at home.

[Carrie]

Entertaining and reminded me that I am not alone in the struggles of the daily challenges of marriage and being a mom.

[Amanda]

Bookclub pick for May 13th meeting at Michelle's

[Candie Looney]

I loved "I was a good mom before I had kids" so much I had to get this one as well.

[Katie]

um, for some reason my mother in law got this book for me? and it's REALLY BAD. It's basically about how to not have completely unrealistic expectations of your husband and marriage.

[Heather Nichols-blackburn]

LOVE this book, suggest to anyone with kids and married :)

[Jenny]

This is just one of those comical books about marriage, definitely not a 'must read' :)

[Lucy]

Funny book!

[Kelly]

Once again, I love the humor that is intertwined with practical thoughts, ideas , and advice. These ladies really know how to teach you about what is important while laughing at yourself.