Heart to Heart Parenting

by Robin Grille

Parenting has the potential to be the most fulfilling thing we will ever do. Our children challenge us like no one else ever will, yet, if we let them, they make us better people. Even the mistakes we make as parents, if acknowledged honestly, can bring us and our children towards a closer and more trusting relationship. HEARt tO HEARt PARENtING is about developing a joyous connection with our growing babies, toddlers and children in the precious early years of their developing personality and emotional make-up. A very different how to book for parents, HEARt tO HEARt PARENtING is about more than just tips for raising happy and responsible children, it aims to encourage parents create a lasting relationship with their children. HEARt tO HEARt PARENtING will help parents to trust their in built parenting wisdom; gain insights into how they can use their own experiences of childhood (both painful and happy) in their parenting; develop an understanding of their babies and toddlers needs; and how to set boundaries with their children without resorting to shaming, manipulation or punishment.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens, Reference

308 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Robin Grille is a father, a psychologist in private practice with twenty years' experience, and a parenting educator. His articles on parenting and child development have been widely published in Australia and overseas. Robin's first book: 'Parenting for a Peaceful World' (2005) has received international acclaim and led to speaking engagements around Australia, USA and New Zealand. 'Heart to Heart Parenting' (ABC Books) is Robin's second book.

A passionate speaker and social change activist, Robin's extensive research has led him to feel that improved attention to babies' and children's emotional needs is the most powerful way to move societies toward sustainability and peace.

http://www.our-emotional-health.com/a...

Reviews

[Col · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is most certainly the best book I've read on raising emotionally intelligent children. I actually read the book straight after doing a 7 week Dad-parenting course on the same subject. So I was tuned in and this both reinforced and added to my knowledge in this area.
Very clearly written - it appealed to me and I think/hope I am a better Dad for having read it.

[Alfreda Morrissey · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is an insightful read, and I do agree with a lot in the book; however, it does not address what to do when I statements fail. Yes, of course, when my daughter starts acting up, I will say, I feel frustrated when you do that noise continuously. My daughter will just say, ok and continue doing it. My other daughter will just refuse to do what I asked her to do, such as her homework. If I say I feel frustrated when you don't listen, she just doesn't care. What do you do in this instance when you follow step by step what it says in the book, and the result is, not what they suggest it should be. They seem to completely avoid any mention of how to make your kid do something that is necessary, like homework. They suggest that if you listen to them and set boundaries using I statements, that your kids will care about your feelings and co-operate because you have gained their good will. This is not the result when you have strong willed children. My daughter will not do something unless it benefits herself. She is 7 and does not yet understand investments in the future either, so the consequence of failing at school does nothing for her. She lives in the moment. I want to play now, so I will play now. Mommy is frustrated, but that is not my problem. I am happy and that is all that matters. I want to play, so I play. What is she going to do to stop me. The book needs to go further and say, you told your child how you feel, you set your boundary with I feelings, and you child just does walks past it with a smart look on their face. What do you do? You are left to physically enforce your boundary in a non-violent way (restrain your child), let them trample all over the boundary further enforcing that your feelings and boundaries are not important, or manipulate them with rewards and consequences which is not recommended by the book. If we do not manipulate them with guilt, shame, rewards or consequences, what is left in our arsenal. What do we do instead? If you ask your child, as it says in the book, why are you disrespecting me? Why are you looking me in the face and laughing as you take pleasure at doing the exact thing I told you not to do? They say, "I don't know, I want to do it, so I do it. If your feelings are hurt, that is ok because they are not my feelings. I don't have to feel them." Children are not built in with empathy. How do you teach them to care about your feelings?

[Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I've read. I just wish I'd read it even earlier (my son is 2.5 so I didn't get a lot out of the section about babies). I learnt so much from reading this. Even though I've always followed attachment parenting practices because it felt right, I found that Robin did an amazing job of helping me to understand WHY attachment parenting practices are so important. He also helped me to understand and come to terms with some of my own parent's shortcomings. In addition I was confronted with some parenting flaws of my own that I was unconscious of. I'm so grateful that he helped to identify them so that I can work on improving. I particularly love his suggestions around co-op parenting and I'm thinking about trying to start a group with some like-minded mum friends. I think this book is one that I will return to again and again. I will be recommending it to all my like-minded mum friends!

[Leng Te · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting food for thought, but can't say I would agree with everything in it. As a new mum I can see how it might put a lot of pressure on new parents to think they have to be with their baby 24/7 (anything less may cause psychological damage apparently), which I personally don't think is healthy. As with all parenting books, take away the nuggets and discard everything else, lest they become like a millstone around your neck!

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book as an empowering book for parents. It helps you to understand your own childhood and offers suggestions on parenting the responds to your child’s unique personality.

[Dini · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the chapter on listening and the tables with examples were excellent for self reflection (the exercises were good although I have reflected often on my upbringing and so didn’t find these as impactful).

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read the chapters about toddlers - really helpful. Will refer to this book again.

[Jacinta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly excellent!

[Alina · Rating 5 out of 5]

♥️♥️♥️

[Nicola · Rating 5 out of 5]

A much less harrowing read than "Parenting for a Peaceful World", with a focus on creating opportunities for connection with your children. The book also contains exercises to help you understand how you parent by looking at your childhood experiences.

Not a naughty step/chair/mat in sight, but it offers alternate methods for setting boundaries and implementing consequences when they are broken. This book also has a refreshing view on praising children.

If you are familiar with the "When you... I feel..." then this book will continue that journey.

My only tip is to be open and honest with your assessment of yourself as a parent when reading this book. It can be confronting faced with the consequences of your parenting decisions and actions, but this book will teach you how to go some ways to repairing any damage.

[Misty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really insightful and lovely to read... puts words to instincts and thoughts that every parent knows... and supports a very natural, gentle philosophy of parenting. Most of it is very supportive and realistic, the only reason I didnt give it 5 stars is because it is a bit preachy and guilt mongering in just a few sections.... and it is written for women by a man! But I would certainly recommend it to anyone! it's good.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have only read the second half which is on toddlers but it is excellent and I highly recommend it for parents looking for ways to raise their kids which take into account the effect of parenting on kids' emotional and mental health. It includes both the research behind the philosophy and practical tips to implement it. I also recommend Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn along with it.

[Cass · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book.

[Naomi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like most of the sentiments in the book but found the approach a bit 'hippy-ra-ra' for me. I liked the suggested language for toddlers.