TW// mention of suicidal thoughts/intent, abuse, homophobia, rape and torture.
Franz Kiedel hates his life, he feels helpless and afraid of his father and his constant threats of abuse. The days are becoming less and less easier to cope and push through, he just wants to end it all, and be at peace. Amos, his best friend is his shining beacon of light and hope during such dark times, his smile lights him up, and gives him a purpose to stay, tethering him to this world. However, once grown Franz abandons his father to become an officer within the SS ranks. This position gives him something he's never had before, control and power. No longer the helpless and fearful young boy, who watched his best friend take beatings from his father in place of him. He's determined to get high enough in the ranks that he can return home and see his best friend once again. But during a raid, trying to round up the infamous, rebels the Black Foxes, Franz stumbles upon his oldest and dearest friend, who is in hiding from the Nazi's. Facing his biggest and soul tearing dilemma to date, Franz has to choose between the love of his life, or his duty to his regiment.
I really wanted to love this, the premise was so good, but the execution of the story just fell a little flat for me unfortunately. There was just something that didn't click with me, and I'm still trying to work out what that was. I adored Amos, he was such a sweet, gentlehearted man, who never gave up on his best friend, and wanted to show him that he was loved, despite how his father treated him. Franz however, was a different story, now I know he's a Nazi officer, so I understand the fact he's not meant to be likeable but I guess I had high hopes and too much faith in him being redeemable, particularly after he finds Amos again after so long. But of course, he was just as cold and callous with other Jewish people back at the concentration camps in spite of the fact he was constantly shown that his way of thinking was evil and barbaric, he just consistently made excuses for his behaviour.
I also found the plot to be very rushed, I would've liked more of a build up to Amos and Franz's relationship, and their childhood together, and also how their lives continued after being separated until they were once again brought together. With how quickly it progresses, it's hard to feel entirely invested in the relationship and to root for them, as much as I wanted to, it just felt like there wasn't much depth to the characters. I also felt like they didn't stick to their convictions, their attitudes and choices changed so rapidly that it felt like a whirlwind, and I genuinely didn't understand what it was they stood for by the end of it.
On the other hand, this was a hard read at times, hearing about how easily people were brainwashed into believing whatever their dictator pushed, it's truly devastating to remember how easily people can be swayed to change to such drastic and barbaric opinions on fellow human beings. This is actually the first book I've read from the view point of an SS officer, instead of a heroic citizen intent on making a stand, and making a difference, so it was very different but really thought provoking too, particularly when such conflicting feelings and human emotions come up for Franz as his relationship with Amos deepens, and his official duties continue to ramp up.
Overall, this was an okay read, I really wanted to love it because I adore historical fiction, but this one just fell a little flat for me and I couldn't decide whether I enjoyed the ending or not, it was definitely strange, and as I've said I had a lot of lost hope that Franz would redeem himself in some way, although I think personally he deserved his end, it left me a little confused.