And the grinching about holiday books begins, lol. I wish I had nice things to say about this. Like, obviously it was going to be ridiculous (look at the premise, look at the title), but I was hoping it would be charmingly and entertainingly ridiculous with maybe a side of feels instead of just over the top ridiculous with, somehow, a side of boring?
For such a short story, the book is incredibly repetitive – yes, we get it, the dude accidentally publicly posted a dick pic and it’s a big deal but maybe “He’s seen my dick,” “She’s seen my dick,” “they’ve seen my dick” didn’t need to be reiterated several dozen times in every single interaction he has with another character. I was happy to roll with the dick pic as a fun OTT premise but it wasn’t even that because he was legit angsting about it so much. It honestly felt like the author couldn’t decide what to do with the premise tonally – it was marketed and set up as campy fun but then there’s also quite a lot of Serious Talk about how stuff is forever on the internet and the callous cruelty of social media, but that also didn’t get explored with any serious attempt at depth so ultimately it was just a weird hodge-podge.
I also couldn’t connect to either of the main characters or their relationship history. They’re both a lot younger than expected and their backstory was just fucking weird. A 19-year-old completely new-to-the-job bodyguard getting assigned to protect a 16-year-old semi-celebrity seemed bonkers enough, but then there was what felt like A LOT of over-explaining about how them catching feelings was not weird or creepy! at all! because they didn’t act on it! and he fired the bodyguard because of the inappropriate feelings! and nothing ever happened! and the employer/employee thing was not a power imbalance, nope! and there was definitely no grooming! … okay? I mean, I wasn’t actually creeped out but the book clearly expects you to be. All the explanations of their history had this overly defensive tone.
Anyway, they conveniently had all the feelings already, so the actual, current story (five years later so they’re now 21 and 24) doesn’t need to spend any time building those or developing this relationship at all! All it takes is to bring them back into the same physical space and whoosh, we are immediately super in love and shagging like rabbits. You seriously could blink and miss how and why there are sudden declarations of love and talk about moving in together between these two people who hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in three years. They were literally walking around explaining how in love they were to various other people before they’d even had a proper conversation about it and when they do, it’s just straight to ILUs and lots of sex. Boring sex.
(Also, I found the characterisation of North as “not that smart” a little off. In theory, great, not every character needs to be heavily cerebral, but the way he didn’t understand words and struggled with really basic stuff like muting a phone sometimes made it feel like he was meant to have an actual intellectual disability [while I think the intention was that he was mostly just naïve] and THAT made the relationship whiff a little creepy/unbalanced to me where the other stuff didn’t.)
Did I mention the smut was boring? Maybe that’s just my thing of not really being into it when I couldn’t care less about the characters.
Also, the cameos. Goof grief, it was chock-a-block. You couldn’t turn a corner in this chalet without running into characters from the author’s previous books, as well as several of what I assume are Marie Sexton’s (past, future, present? Who knows, I haven’t read those books). There was a heavy assumption that you should know all of these random side characters who are from other books and it was just annoying.
So this was roughly on the same level as Punching the V-card for me – thin plot, no real pacing or development, weird/off character dynamics, smut by the numbers, but I mostly reserve the 1 stars for books I actively loathe and this was just deeply unremarkable.