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Life Is Friends: A Complete Guide to the Lost Art of Connecting in Person
How can it be that you receive dozens of personal e-mails or texts every day but have nothing to do come Saturday night? Or that you’re constantly juggling a jam-packed schedule while always feeling that something essential is missing? Who the heck took the social out of your social life?
Jeanne Martinet, the celebrated author of The Art of Mingling, solves these mysteries and more in Life Is Friends. With an attitude that’s savvy, sympathetic, and down-to-earth, Martinet gives you the game plan for relearning the lost art of socializing. Forget texting, IMing, Facebook, and Internet “relationships.” When it comes to building real friendships, she says, there’s simply no substitute for live, in-person hospitality.
Martinet offers a full gamut of strategies and techniques for socializing, from making that first connection with someone to maintaining a long-term relationship. And she focuses on entertaining—whether it’s a dinner party or an informal get-together, a cocktail party or a monthly card game—because sharing one’s home and lifestyle is the most important element in nurturing friendships.
Brimming with generous amounts of wit, all-too-true stories, and advice that’s both pithy and practical, Life Is Friends gets us back on the path to social success and satisfaction. So read what Martinet has to say. And then, go ahead: Invite people over.
Jeanne Martinet, the celebrated author of The Art of Mingling, solves these mysteries and more in Life Is Friends. With an attitude that’s savvy, sympathetic, and down-to-earth, Martinet gives you the game plan for relearning the lost art of socializing. Forget texting, IMing, Facebook, and Internet “relationships.” When it comes to building real friendships, she says, there’s simply no substitute for live, in-person hospitality.
Martinet offers a full gamut of strategies and techniques for socializing, from making that first connection with someone to maintaining a long-term relationship. And she focuses on entertaining—whether it’s a dinner party or an informal get-together, a cocktail party or a monthly card game—because sharing one’s home and lifestyle is the most important element in nurturing friendships.
Brimming with generous amounts of wit, all-too-true stories, and advice that’s both pithy and practical, Life Is Friends gets us back on the path to social success and satisfaction. So read what Martinet has to say. And then, go ahead: Invite people over.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2009
4 people are currently reading
151 people want to read
About the author
Jeanne Martinet
12 books24 followersJeanne Martinet is the author of nine books, including the just-out MINGLING WITH THE ENEMY as well as THE ART OF MINGLING, which has sold more than 150,000 copies and been published in ten countries. She has been featured in such publications as: The New York Times, The New York Daily News, Newsweek, The U.S. News and World Report, Salon.com, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, TimeOut New York, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, The Washington Post, The San Francisco Chronicle and The Huffington Post. Martinet has shared her humor and mingling know-how on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including NBC's "The Today Show," and NPR's "Morning Edition."
Jeanne Martinet, AKA "Miss Mingle," lives, writes and mingles in New York City.
Jeanne Martinet, AKA "Miss Mingle," lives, writes and mingles in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
February 11, 2015
Part of this book was rather convicting, bringing to light how simple and quick a little e-mail or message can be and yet how often I procrastinate and thus never get around to responding to people in online communication, so yes, this is something I am already attempting to change. There was lots of excellent advice and thoughts throughout this book, I definitely need to have more folks over to my house for dinner, games and just to hangout.
The main thing I didn't care for in the book is the authors love of lying, it is interesting broadcasting such a thing in a book that her friends might read. If I was her friend and when I wanted to hangout, she told me something like "I have to pick someone up from the airport" or "I have an appointment" I now would know she was more likely than not lying, this wouldn't make me feel good. For me honesty is huge in a relationship.
The main thing I didn't care for in the book is the authors love of lying, it is interesting broadcasting such a thing in a book that her friends might read. If I was her friend and when I wanted to hangout, she told me something like "I have to pick someone up from the airport" or "I have an appointment" I now would know she was more likely than not lying, this wouldn't make me feel good. For me honesty is huge in a relationship.
January 16, 2024
3.5*
Life is Friends focuses extensively on hosting people in your home and visiting others in their homes. Many books in this genre try to take on the broad subject of making friends and deepening friendships, but by focusing on one specific aspect, the author can go into greater detail and do the subject justice.
Life is Friends focuses extensively on hosting people in your home and visiting others in their homes. Many books in this genre try to take on the broad subject of making friends and deepening friendships, but by focusing on one specific aspect, the author can go into greater detail and do the subject justice.
April 5, 2012
Just as I suspected, I do just about everything wrong. According to the author, the biggest key to making lasting close friends is having them over to your home. Something I just haven't done because of my difficulties with excessive clutter and my own anxieties. She says that until you can invite people inside your home on a regular basis, and they reciprocate, you won't be able to cultivate deep lasting friendships, because people get to really know each other in their homes. The exception to that rule is very good work friends, and sometimes people in a group, like a club, team or association. Sometimes those people never see your home, but often those friendships stay somewhat compartmentalized around the common interest, so it's not the same as a more general friendship with someone you invite home. I thought so. She is a big advocate of the almost lost practice of the dinner party and she has lots of advice about hosting a party, mingling, and just general putting yourself out there. Someday I'll get there. Maybe even this year.
December 2, 2016
I listened to the author read this book on audio and I enjoyed it very much. It has some good tips for me for being a good friend. One thing that resonated with me is that everyone has social fears. It's not comfortable for anyone to, say, invite people over, or go to a big social gathering. It's easier for some than others, but this aha moment helped me realize that it's ok if it's not comfortable for me; I can still do it and be glad I did. Also, as she explained how to be a good host to your friends or at your dinner party, and how to be a good guest, different people that I know came to my mind and I appreciated them more than I had before. I have good examples all around me of social skills, and it's time I put forth a greater effort to reciprocate. I'll likely be listening to this book again when I need a refresher course, but in the meantime I've already started practicing a new skill: I invited some friends in for lunch after an outing together. They were appreciative, and I quite enjoyed it. Progress!
December 10, 2009
Nice ideas about a really valuable part of life. Stuff I wish more people thought about!
The focus of this book is on spending time with friends. In PERSON, not ONLINE! And mostly at home, rather than at restaurants/clubs. It has a lot to do with hosting/hospitality (and being a good guest) -- and has plenty of suggestions. I guess I liked it so much because I love to make friends and have people over to my house, so it affirms that interest and gives me some good pointers/reminders about how to do it well. The book was published in 2009 and it's realistic yet hopeful.
The focus of this book is on spending time with friends. In PERSON, not ONLINE! And mostly at home, rather than at restaurants/clubs. It has a lot to do with hosting/hospitality (and being a good guest) -- and has plenty of suggestions. I guess I liked it so much because I love to make friends and have people over to my house, so it affirms that interest and gives me some good pointers/reminders about how to do it well. The book was published in 2009 and it's realistic yet hopeful.
September 8, 2010
If you're interested in cultivating relationships with people, this is an excellent book to read. It's a bit on the chick side for this guy, but there will still lots of useful insights.
While helpful I wish the book wasn't so explicitly amoral. I mean, do we really need advice on whether to consider sleeping with another guest at a party?
While helpful I wish the book wasn't so explicitly amoral. I mean, do we really need advice on whether to consider sleeping with another guest at a party?
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August 23, 2023Imagine that you are Dianne Keaton in Something's Gotta Give, with a house not-in-the-Hamptons-but close-enough. Imagine the maid hasn't come in a few days, and you're a bit anxious because there might be dust in the bathroom or linens that aren't fresh. And in spite of the great new yoga instructor and trying to be more mindful while walking the beach, you're feeling like something's missing. The thought of throwing a party sounds extremely stressful but a little exciting. If any of this sounds familiar, this book might be for you.
If you are a parent of young children, I have two pieces of advice:
(1) Avoid.
(2) Shelve it. You can pick it up again 30 years from now, after the college graduation(s) and the divorce settlement(s) when it will really shine.
This is why you judge books by covers. I spent 30 minutes with this book in the library today, I was hoping that this book might give practical advice for reconnecting with and keeping in touch with friends. It's not that kind of book.
If you are a parent of young children, I have two pieces of advice:
(1) Avoid.
(2) Shelve it. You can pick it up again 30 years from now, after the college graduation(s) and the divorce settlement(s) when it will really shine.
This is why you judge books by covers. I spent 30 minutes with this book in the library today, I was hoping that this book might give practical advice for reconnecting with and keeping in touch with friends. It's not that kind of book.
November 3, 2019
This could be a Miss Manners or How to Win Friends updated. The author discusses the importance of friends and the lost art of being one. Although she admits to loving her technology Jeanne Martinet talks about the need for more face to face time and having people over to your house. I did think about how growing up there were always visitors and now if someone knocked on my door I think I would pretend I was not home, not because I am not social but more I am worried about the state of my home or refrigerator. My mom always had the house company ready and an Entenmann's cake or Sara Lee to share. I will strive to make the connections she suggests. She readily states that this does not mean you have to be Martha Stewart reminding everyone that it the connection with you and not your things that people are interested in.
November 14, 2018
I found this book very helpful. I am hovering between a 4 and a 5 on the rating. I reserve 5 for non fiction books that have changed my life for the better in a dramatic way. I may return to this book later and update my rating accordingly. As I was listening, this person seemed to have a lot of very keen insight into common human interaction challenges. I think that I will benefit greatly from applying what I have learned here. I love having guests over and it was great to hear the author talk about how much she likes it as well.
December 5, 2018
I liked this book. It was interesting and flowed well. I feel like it fills a tiny niche topic, and didn't really give you too much solid facts to take with you but it was a reading experience book, that you take away, loving having read it, and feeling fond of the author. I liked how she talked about things that you wouldn't normally discuss, like guests and being a guest and was impressed how each person had a part to play in being friends and guesting. I definitely wanted to go out and make some friends afterwards!
December 22, 2018
People socialize in person less now that people are online at all times. Who knew? The dinner party is dead. This is no wonder given the author's apparent reluctance to get to the point. Could not listen past the first lamentations. While declaring herself not to be a luddite, and naming some tech developments soon to be, if not already, dated, the author cannot seem to come to terms with the idea that the past is just that. We need social life for now, not for an imagined past.
December 3, 2024
i would give this book 3.5 stars, i think the premise probably resonates even more now then when it came out with the social situation we’re in, post pandemic era were technology keeps taking more and more place in people lives, replacing human connection.
its an interesting guide, some subject are a bit dated (pre smartphone era), but it is still a good read and help better understand why friendships are important and how to nurture them.
its an interesting guide, some subject are a bit dated (pre smartphone era), but it is still a good read and help better understand why friendships are important and how to nurture them.
January 9, 2023
lol this really was written in 2009 (suspicious of technology, etc.) and barely even talked about actual friendships – it talked about hosting and houseguests. can’t wait to bring it to our garbage gift swap :•)
January 18, 2018
I felt this was not a book about friends but rather how to be superficial.
August 7, 2018
Book for extroverts. Helps to be fairly metro if you are a guy trying to read this. Good thoughts and well written.
November 29, 2018
Miss Manners updated?
April 28, 2025
Well now I want to have people over.
Read
December 9, 2025I thought this was going to be more sociology less emily post
November 26, 2016
Lots of great concepts that I'm already incorporating into my life - really annoying tone
February 7, 2017
Enjoyed the first 3 chapters and then it become redundant.
June 7, 2014
I really need this step by step guide on how to quit being so awkward socially. In general, I haven't been too impressed with the social culture in UT but I live here so I need to learn to be strong enough to be an example of how to have real friendships to others. There have been those I have met here that weren't too preoccupied with their kids' extra lessons and activities to notice people around them. Lately I tend to be so nervous in social situations that I must appear an undesirable friend. This book taught me that you have to play a social game with others plutonically (just like in romantic relationships). This book has great advice except maybe the lying bit but maybe if your whole motive is to be social then you must. I have a tenancy to really like everyone new I meet and therefore come on too strong. I need to learn to act like I am indifferent to them otherwise I will seem needy. Now I just need to have a dinner party!
May 16, 2009
This is a nice book if you need help or a reminder of how to go about inviting friends over. I wasn't impressed with the author's need for "white lies". After all if the people you are fibbing to are indeed your friends....... Get my point? I also wondered what her friends thought about the revelation. Maybe I just expect too much in my relationships with others.
However, there were some good ideas about hosting and attending get-togethers and what to do and not to do. It is an easy read and very engaging and I was able to read it in a few days. Most of all it got me thinking about days gone by when guests frequented our home and how I've let go of that tradition. Reading the book has inspired me to try again.
However, there were some good ideas about hosting and attending get-togethers and what to do and not to do. It is an easy read and very engaging and I was able to read it in a few days. Most of all it got me thinking about days gone by when guests frequented our home and how I've let go of that tradition. Reading the book has inspired me to try again.
March 17, 2016
This is a nice book if you need help or a reminder of how to go about inviting friends over. I wasn't impressed with the author's need for "white lies". After all if the people you are fibbing to are indeed your friends....... Get my point? I also wondered what her friends thought about the revelation. Maybe I just expect too much in my relationships with others.
However, there were some good ideas about hosting and attending get-togethers and what to do and not to do. It is an easy read and very engaging and I was able to read it in a few days. Most of all it got me thinking about days gone by when guests frequented our home and how I've let go of that tradition. Reading the book has inspired me to try again.
However, there were some good ideas about hosting and attending get-togethers and what to do and not to do. It is an easy read and very engaging and I was able to read it in a few days. Most of all it got me thinking about days gone by when guests frequented our home and how I've let go of that tradition. Reading the book has inspired me to try again.
August 1, 2009
I agree with the basic concept behind this book, that we both need and should cultivate friendships in person rather than via technology, especially texting and facebook. I found her style to be a little annoying, especially when she tries to glamorize city life versus the quaint little suburbs. She spent more time on how to "break up" with people you don't want to be friends with than on creative ways to interact with friends (beyond hosting a fabulous coctail party in your Manhattan loft). The book did inspire me to make more of an effort to host people in my home and to be more relaxed about it.
August 10, 2014
This book had a lot of great advice about entertaining and being a great host to guests, but I felt that the title of the book was misleading and wished more information about strengthening friendships was covered. I absolutely agree with the author that American society is moving in a socially isolating direction with the prevalence of online/electronic social interactions. This book inspired me to entertain friends & family at home more regularly and to worry less about having the perfect entertaining space.
January 20, 2012
This book had some great tips on putting yourself out there. The author has another book about mingling, and that might be a bit more helpful if you are trying to make friends.
Cons of this book: A long list of do's and don'ts that were very obvious. I felt like it should have been titled "You need to give a dinner party and here's how" There wasn't enough substance about actual friendships.
Pros: I'm planning a dinner party.
Cons of this book: A long list of do's and don'ts that were very obvious. I felt like it should have been titled "You need to give a dinner party and here's how" There wasn't enough substance about actual friendships.
Pros: I'm planning a dinner party.
December 19, 2014
Author Jeanne Martinet sums it up perfectly in her book: "I feel it's really very simple. A friend is not something you acquire. A friend is who you are. To have friends you must first be a friend. this is such a basic human truth but it one we have such a hard time learning."
Her book "Life is Friends" guides people in more how to be a friend than really how to acquire friends.
It's a quick read with useful information. I recommend it.
Her book "Life is Friends" guides people in more how to be a friend than really how to acquire friends.
It's a quick read with useful information. I recommend it.
June 17, 2015
a thorough guide to socializing from hosting dinner parties to asking a new acquaintance to coffee. overnight guests and guesting, book clubs, what to do when you or the other person just isn't interested... etc...
premise is friends make life richer, esp real life face to face friends and the best way to deepen friendship is to go to one another's houses. got a little long but great refresher now that our parents don't arrange play dates nor do we live in a dorm.
premise is friends make life richer, esp real life face to face friends and the best way to deepen friendship is to go to one another's houses. got a little long but great refresher now that our parents don't arrange play dates nor do we live in a dorm.
July 15, 2016
The author asserts that you can only truly make friends with others when you visit in one another's homes. She offers tips for hosting and guesting, including for overnight stays. I'm with another reader who found parts of the book distasteful, i.e. those times she talked about guests having sex with one another or with the host, and when she fished for an invitation to a swinging party. Martinet will definitely not be coming to my house!
November 25, 2011
I learned a lot from this book - basically etiquette but very helpful with regards to email, texts, FB and modern social "relationships", reinforcing boundaries and knowing that in order to make friends you have to be serious and basically "date" people you think you may think you would like in your life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews