I didn’t expect much from this book, as memoirs can be hit or miss, and only picked it up because it had a starred review in Publisher’s Weekly, which is rare. Boy, am I glad I did, because this book does what all great memoirs do—it tells a great story while inviting you to question your own life and experiences in ways you likely haven’t before.
Rachel, the author, plans a trip around the world to find herself and make peace with the system she is in and find her place in it. Instead, she gets married, and the solo trip becomes a honeymoon. Rachel stays true to her intent, and does spend the trip investigating the institution of marriage, and what it means to her. It’s beautifully written, and a page-turner, in addition to being just a fun travel memoir. But I’m glad i read it slowly and took my time, because it really gave me so much to think about. I’m someone who has written my own memoir, and as such, have spent a lot of time contextualizing my own story. But experiencing this book through the authors’ eyes has given me so much to think about, and I bet it will do the same for you if you read it. I know Rachel has read my book and told me it changed the way she thought about her own story, and now the same has happened for me reading her book—I think that is beautiful.
The author doesn’t shy away from letting us know about her own trauma, and letting us see the impact that that has on her as an adult. She doubts her ability to fit, and spends time wondering whether or not she’s wasting time trying, in a way that I think all children of trauma have felt. “By my fuzzy logic, the currency of suffering—earned through acts of resilience—could inch me toward an elusive goal of success that manifested as accolades, productivity, prosperity, righteousness, belief, being happily married with a family for eternity—being happy in every aspect…but who collected the dues?…Who would I be without fearing the wrath of Failure?…how would I measure the value of my life?” I think this quote speaks so strongly to us trauma survivors who have taken the approach of perfectionism—that we can one day be perfect enough, achieved enough, happy enough, to erase all the pain. Learning that we have to embrace the pain and find a way to live with it is the hardest step. The image of the currency of suffering will stay with me for a long time.
I have recommended this book to everyone I know, and made over 40 videos with quotes, and thoughts that it inspired on my TikTok channel. So far, many, many people have loved the beautiful quotes that pepper this fun book, and many who’ve read it have expressed their love for it. I hope you will read it too.
If you liked Educated, or Uncultured (that’s my book), you will love this book.