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The Chronicles of Blood and Stone #1
The Fifth Sorceress
In The Fifth Sorceress , Robert Newcomb conjures a time and place wrought with exquisite detail, characters vividly drawn and deeply felt, and a history rich in glory and horror, splendor and secrets. . . .
“We gave them a chance once, long ago. . . . We offered to share power equally, and in peace. But they refused and chose war. With them it was all or nothing. Wizard against Sorceress. Male against female. Light against dark.”
It is more than three centuries since the ravages of a devastating war nearly tore apart the kingdom of Eutracia. In its wake, those who masterminded the bloodshed—a quartet of powerful, conquest-hungry Sorceresses—were sentenced to exile, with return all but impossible and death all but inevitable. Now a land of peace and plenty, protected and guided by a council of immortal wizards, Eutracia is about to crown a new king. And as the coronation approaches, the spirit of celebration fills every heart. Except one.
Prince Tristan is a reluctant monarch-to-be. Though born with the “endowed” blood that will give him the power to master magic, and destined by tradition to succeed his father as ruler, he is a rebel soul. And when he discovers the ancient, hidden caves where strange red waters flow—possessed of their own mysterious magic—it only makes him yearn all the more to escape his future of duty . . . and succumb to the stirrings of enchantment within him.
But more than tradition compels Tristan to ascend the throne. The very existence of Eutracia depends upon it. For after these long centuries of peace, dreadful omens have begun to appear, heralding something too unspeakable to ponder. And if indeed the old evil has returned, hungry to wreak vengeance, Tristan’s role in an ages-old prophecy must be fulfilled—or the cost to his kingdom and his people will be beyond imagination.
It will be a battle like none ever known, against an enemy whose thirst for blood and domination is depthless and unyielding. And for Tristan, it will be the ultimate facing an adversary whose greatest weapon is the person he loves most—transformed into the instrument of his annihilation . . . and the catalyst that will doom Eutracia forever to darkness.
“We gave them a chance once, long ago. . . . We offered to share power equally, and in peace. But they refused and chose war. With them it was all or nothing. Wizard against Sorceress. Male against female. Light against dark.”
It is more than three centuries since the ravages of a devastating war nearly tore apart the kingdom of Eutracia. In its wake, those who masterminded the bloodshed—a quartet of powerful, conquest-hungry Sorceresses—were sentenced to exile, with return all but impossible and death all but inevitable. Now a land of peace and plenty, protected and guided by a council of immortal wizards, Eutracia is about to crown a new king. And as the coronation approaches, the spirit of celebration fills every heart. Except one.
Prince Tristan is a reluctant monarch-to-be. Though born with the “endowed” blood that will give him the power to master magic, and destined by tradition to succeed his father as ruler, he is a rebel soul. And when he discovers the ancient, hidden caves where strange red waters flow—possessed of their own mysterious magic—it only makes him yearn all the more to escape his future of duty . . . and succumb to the stirrings of enchantment within him.
But more than tradition compels Tristan to ascend the throne. The very existence of Eutracia depends upon it. For after these long centuries of peace, dreadful omens have begun to appear, heralding something too unspeakable to ponder. And if indeed the old evil has returned, hungry to wreak vengeance, Tristan’s role in an ages-old prophecy must be fulfilled—or the cost to his kingdom and his people will be beyond imagination.
It will be a battle like none ever known, against an enemy whose thirst for blood and domination is depthless and unyielding. And for Tristan, it will be the ultimate facing an adversary whose greatest weapon is the person he loves most—transformed into the instrument of his annihilation . . . and the catalyst that will doom Eutracia forever to darkness.
668 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
56 people are currently reading
1186 people want to read
About the author
Robert Newcomb
21 books55 followersRobert Newcomb travelled widely in his youth as a member of the American Institute for Foreign Study. He now lives in Florida. The Fifth Sorceress marked his début and is the first book in 'The Chronicles of Blood and Stone' trilogy. The second volume, The Gates of Dawn, is also published in Bantam paperback and the concluding novel, The Scrolls of the Ancients, in Bantam Press trade paperback.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 115 reviews
August 27, 2018
What can I tell you about "The Fifth Sorceress" that you haven't already read in other, better reviews? Not much, I suspect. So in lieu of a real review, here's a dumb trivia list. Sorry.
THE TOP EIGHT THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT "THE FIFTH SORCERESS."
8 - The main unit of currency in the magical land of Eutracia is either the 'Kisa' or the 'Kasi' - depending on which page you're on.
7 - Our hero, Prince Tristan, a 30 year old man, is defeated in a mock duel by the 'what's that behind you' trick.
6 - Prince Tristan also tries to play fetch with his horse. This is treated will all seriousness by the author, who appears to think horses are just big dogs.
5 - Tristan "invents" knife throwing. Seriously. He also invents the dumbest way possible to carry his knives - in a "quiver" on his back. Like arrows.
4 - After their reign, the Kings of Eutracia have the choice to live forever and have magical powers. In 300 years, NONE of them have ever chosen to do so.
3 - Of all the magical races with which the author could have chosen to populate his epic fantasy land, he chose Gnomes. But not just Gnomes - Garden Gnomes. You know the little statues you see in suburban yards? Yep. They look just like that.
2 - The people of Eutracia invented steel working before writing. They also can't climb mountains or sail along a coast line. Not kidding.
1 - Evil sorceresses can't fish. I don't know why. They just can't.
Play me out, Paul!
THE TOP EIGHT THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT "THE FIFTH SORCERESS."
8 - The main unit of currency in the magical land of Eutracia is either the 'Kisa' or the 'Kasi' - depending on which page you're on.
7 - Our hero, Prince Tristan, a 30 year old man, is defeated in a mock duel by the 'what's that behind you' trick.
6 - Prince Tristan also tries to play fetch with his horse. This is treated will all seriousness by the author, who appears to think horses are just big dogs.
5 - Tristan "invents" knife throwing. Seriously. He also invents the dumbest way possible to carry his knives - in a "quiver" on his back. Like arrows.
4 - After their reign, the Kings of Eutracia have the choice to live forever and have magical powers. In 300 years, NONE of them have ever chosen to do so.
3 - Of all the magical races with which the author could have chosen to populate his epic fantasy land, he chose Gnomes. But not just Gnomes - Garden Gnomes. You know the little statues you see in suburban yards? Yep. They look just like that.
2 - The people of Eutracia invented steel working before writing. They also can't climb mountains or sail along a coast line. Not kidding.
1 - Evil sorceresses can't fish. I don't know why. They just can't.
Play me out, Paul!
December 4, 2013
Where do I begin? Honestly, when I read through the first fifty pages of Fifth Sorceress, I thought 'Hey this book ain't so bad... What's with all the terrible reviews?' Then I arrived at the point where Tristan played catch with his horse and I thought, 'Oh.'
This isn't a fantasy story. This is a series of monologues crafted in a shoddy manner to describe a fantasy world that is rampant with cliches and inconsistencies. Every character in this book talks too much, often engaging in aggravating one-sided conversations sustained by lines consisting of 'Don't you know?', 'You must be wondering...', 'Are you surprised? I will now tell you my scheme,' followed by merciless pages of boring exposition. When a savage, beast-like creature appeared and introduced itself with, 'I am a wiktor,' (followed by 2 pages of exposition about its own nature, origin, and motivation) I know that I was in for a delightful ride.
Even with all those pages of expositions, the world of Eutracia is painfully bland and uninteresting. Here's a kingdom, ruled by a king and his queen and a 'Directorate' of wizards... and that's it. No visuals come to my mind. It's a kingdom like any other, ruled by idiotic wizards and a king with a manchild as a son. The main character Tristan is thirty but acted as if he were fifteen. The kingdom ruled by the good wizards is bright and sparkly, as opposed to the kingdom ruled by the evil sorceresses which is dark and gloomy. Every chapter contains several fantasy cliches that are painful to read, and the treatment of women in this book borders on insulting. I felt no tension as I approached the climactic event of this book, because the main character was a 'Chosen One' who obviously would not fail in his quest no matter what.
I am more of a character person than a plot person and can usually forgive a bad plot as long as the characters are interesting, but Fifth Sorceress does not even have characters; they have cardboard cutouts of real humans. Aside from Tristan, characters exist in this book solely for the purpose of expositions, and after the first hundred pages or so I was so numbed by it that I don't even remember characters' names anymore aside from Tristan and his wizard companion. Newcomb did not even bother describing most of his male characters, but described all the female ones in excruciating details with respect to their sex appeal and garments. Why is it that every time Tristan saw a woman, the first thing he thought of was 'She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen'? This happened at least three times in the book, with nearly the exact same wording.
The only reason why anyone would want to read this book is when he or she has read a few books written by actual good writers and are looking for some laughs. The contrast between this book and those written by other established fantasy writers is so stark that every page appears humorous. I certainly enjoyed The Fifth Sorceress in a 'so bad it's good' sense. Perhaps you would too.
This isn't a fantasy story. This is a series of monologues crafted in a shoddy manner to describe a fantasy world that is rampant with cliches and inconsistencies. Every character in this book talks too much, often engaging in aggravating one-sided conversations sustained by lines consisting of 'Don't you know?', 'You must be wondering...', 'Are you surprised? I will now tell you my scheme,' followed by merciless pages of boring exposition. When a savage, beast-like creature appeared and introduced itself with, 'I am a wiktor,' (followed by 2 pages of exposition about its own nature, origin, and motivation) I know that I was in for a delightful ride.
Even with all those pages of expositions, the world of Eutracia is painfully bland and uninteresting. Here's a kingdom, ruled by a king and his queen and a 'Directorate' of wizards... and that's it. No visuals come to my mind. It's a kingdom like any other, ruled by idiotic wizards and a king with a manchild as a son. The main character Tristan is thirty but acted as if he were fifteen. The kingdom ruled by the good wizards is bright and sparkly, as opposed to the kingdom ruled by the evil sorceresses which is dark and gloomy. Every chapter contains several fantasy cliches that are painful to read, and the treatment of women in this book borders on insulting. I felt no tension as I approached the climactic event of this book, because the main character was a 'Chosen One' who obviously would not fail in his quest no matter what.
I am more of a character person than a plot person and can usually forgive a bad plot as long as the characters are interesting, but Fifth Sorceress does not even have characters; they have cardboard cutouts of real humans. Aside from Tristan, characters exist in this book solely for the purpose of expositions, and after the first hundred pages or so I was so numbed by it that I don't even remember characters' names anymore aside from Tristan and his wizard companion. Newcomb did not even bother describing most of his male characters, but described all the female ones in excruciating details with respect to their sex appeal and garments. Why is it that every time Tristan saw a woman, the first thing he thought of was 'She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen'? This happened at least three times in the book, with nearly the exact same wording.
The only reason why anyone would want to read this book is when he or she has read a few books written by actual good writers and are looking for some laughs. The contrast between this book and those written by other established fantasy writers is so stark that every page appears humorous. I certainly enjoyed The Fifth Sorceress in a 'so bad it's good' sense. Perhaps you would too.
July 21, 2022
Update: How is this worse the 2nd time through?
See my full thoughts here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DFuGdhy...
This book fucking sucks.
Normally I'd write some sort of introduction to this review that gives a general idea of my thoughts on this book as well as the broad strokes of why I feel that way and what sort of book this is. But I think the phrase "this book fucking sucks" tells you exactly what you need to know, let's dive right in.
So this book takes place in the land of Genericfantasyworldia, a place so bland you'd swear it was made of rice cakes and saltines. It's a land of... I don't know, wizards and shit. There's no history to this world, no sense of scale or politics, no culture or religion, nothing that makes it interesting or unique in any way. Several characters spend pages upon pages monolouging (fuck you, spellcheck, that's a real word) about magic and what it does, yet I never got any sense of how it works or what it's limitations are. Why don't the sorceresses just blow everyone at the palace up? Why can't Wigg use his powers all of a sudden? What exactly makes Tristan special? All of these questions and more will not be answered.
Three hundred years ago, Genericfantasylandia was gripped by a conflict called The Sorceress War, which was only ended with the final four sorceresses being exiled to their hopeful deaths. Well, spoiler alert, there's a fifth sorceress that's causing trouble. Meanwhile, Tristan, our protagonist and prince of Genericfantasylandia, is whining about his responsibilities and generally being a man child. He's also the chosen one, because fuck putting effort into making your characters interesting because of what they do, just say they're born special. And then stuff happens, he goes on an "adventure" to save the world (apparently Robert Newcomb thinks that no other plots exist) and he fights bad guys. You know exactly what's going to happen in this plot and there are no twists or mysteries to keep you interested.
Tristan is a dumbass. On several occasions he rushes into danger because he can't stand to see others in danger. While this almost sounds like an interesting character flaw, he does it so often that you begin to question if he doesn't have some sort of undiagnosed Asbergers syndrome. Not only that, he's directly rewarded for his stupidity a few times. And his constant questions about magic start off obvious and get more obvious as time goes on. The other characters are similar. The only one that's okay is Wigg, the standard old mentor who is unflinchingly loyal to the protagonist. While he isn't very original, he is likable and badass.
But that doesn't cover it, the book is worse than that. See, this entire generic plot and cliched list of cardboard cutouts posing as characters is given to us in the form of pages and pages of monologues, given by both the characters and the narrator. Why let us figure out that Tristan is a good swordsman on our own when we could just read a page where he thinks about how good he is? That's how storytelling works, right? When you have a creature that literally introduces itself by saying "I am a wiktor" or multiple women being described as "the most beautiful woman he had ever seen" you know that this book is broken beyond repair.
The one positive of this book, which takes it from a 1/10 to a 2/10, is the violence. There is some depraved, sadistic violence in here of the physical, psychological, and sexual varieties. Bodies being mutilated, heads being strung onto ropes, women being raped until they die and then piling their bodies up to the height of a house, this gets fucked up. The violence is exploitative, and stupid, and doesn't add much to the story, but it is legitimately the only thing that gives this pile of words any sort of unique identity. If not for that, this book wouldn't stand out in any way whatsoever.
I hate this book. Not only did it suck away uncounted hours of my life, it looked promising enough that I threw away $8.99 of my hard-earned money. Stay away from this garbage, for your own sake.
See my full thoughts here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DFuGdhy...
This book fucking sucks.
Normally I'd write some sort of introduction to this review that gives a general idea of my thoughts on this book as well as the broad strokes of why I feel that way and what sort of book this is. But I think the phrase "this book fucking sucks" tells you exactly what you need to know, let's dive right in.
So this book takes place in the land of Genericfantasyworldia, a place so bland you'd swear it was made of rice cakes and saltines. It's a land of... I don't know, wizards and shit. There's no history to this world, no sense of scale or politics, no culture or religion, nothing that makes it interesting or unique in any way. Several characters spend pages upon pages monolouging (fuck you, spellcheck, that's a real word) about magic and what it does, yet I never got any sense of how it works or what it's limitations are. Why don't the sorceresses just blow everyone at the palace up? Why can't Wigg use his powers all of a sudden? What exactly makes Tristan special? All of these questions and more will not be answered.
Three hundred years ago, Genericfantasylandia was gripped by a conflict called The Sorceress War, which was only ended with the final four sorceresses being exiled to their hopeful deaths. Well, spoiler alert, there's a fifth sorceress that's causing trouble. Meanwhile, Tristan, our protagonist and prince of Genericfantasylandia, is whining about his responsibilities and generally being a man child. He's also the chosen one, because fuck putting effort into making your characters interesting because of what they do, just say they're born special. And then stuff happens, he goes on an "adventure" to save the world (apparently Robert Newcomb thinks that no other plots exist) and he fights bad guys. You know exactly what's going to happen in this plot and there are no twists or mysteries to keep you interested.
Tristan is a dumbass. On several occasions he rushes into danger because he can't stand to see others in danger. While this almost sounds like an interesting character flaw, he does it so often that you begin to question if he doesn't have some sort of undiagnosed Asbergers syndrome. Not only that, he's directly rewarded for his stupidity a few times. And his constant questions about magic start off obvious and get more obvious as time goes on. The other characters are similar. The only one that's okay is Wigg, the standard old mentor who is unflinchingly loyal to the protagonist. While he isn't very original, he is likable and badass.
But that doesn't cover it, the book is worse than that. See, this entire generic plot and cliched list of cardboard cutouts posing as characters is given to us in the form of pages and pages of monologues, given by both the characters and the narrator. Why let us figure out that Tristan is a good swordsman on our own when we could just read a page where he thinks about how good he is? That's how storytelling works, right? When you have a creature that literally introduces itself by saying "I am a wiktor" or multiple women being described as "the most beautiful woman he had ever seen" you know that this book is broken beyond repair.
The one positive of this book, which takes it from a 1/10 to a 2/10, is the violence. There is some depraved, sadistic violence in here of the physical, psychological, and sexual varieties. Bodies being mutilated, heads being strung onto ropes, women being raped until they die and then piling their bodies up to the height of a house, this gets fucked up. The violence is exploitative, and stupid, and doesn't add much to the story, but it is legitimately the only thing that gives this pile of words any sort of unique identity. If not for that, this book wouldn't stand out in any way whatsoever.
I hate this book. Not only did it suck away uncounted hours of my life, it looked promising enough that I threw away $8.99 of my hard-earned money. Stay away from this garbage, for your own sake.
October 8, 2024
I read this book twice, the second time just to reaffirm if I really remembered accurately from the first time how bad it was. My memory did not deceive me.
The amount of implicit hate towards women,who are either passive virgin saint types or whore witches out for seamen (no I am not joking and not talking about sailors) in combination with a perfect “chosen” main character and a sage who carefully explains away any logical sollution to things, makes this book infuriatingly bad.
The story itself is quite derivative from J.R.R. Tolkien and Robert Jordan, with a magic stone which has all power and an army from over the ocean returning for vengeance, with some extra sex scenes in stone circles added into the mix. Compounded with the fact that Robert Newcomb loves adjectives, with there being an evil creature literally explaining its power to the main character, this is a clear one star rating for me, and a strong contender for worst book I ever read.
The amount of implicit hate towards women,who are either passive virgin saint types or whore witches out for seamen (no I am not joking and not talking about sailors) in combination with a perfect “chosen” main character and a sage who carefully explains away any logical sollution to things, makes this book infuriatingly bad.
The story itself is quite derivative from J.R.R. Tolkien and Robert Jordan, with a magic stone which has all power and an army from over the ocean returning for vengeance, with some extra sex scenes in stone circles added into the mix. Compounded with the fact that Robert Newcomb loves adjectives, with there being an evil creature literally explaining its power to the main character, this is a clear one star rating for me, and a strong contender for worst book I ever read.
July 8, 2020
Homophobic, Sexist, Misogynistic, Rapey, cliche, worldbreaking, the worst prose Ever put to paper, This makes twilight look like a work of art. Garbage... worst book ever written? YES! Jesus christ this guy hates women.
July 12, 2020
Wow. I DNFd this book! The blatant sexism and homophobia is disgusting. Lazy writing. Lazy character development. I could go on but Daniel Green’s YouTube’s video review explains it better.
May 6, 2008
Uneven fantasy debut with some great ideas and some murky writing. The world is pretty interesting-- a mist enshrouded kingdom isolated by magic from any neighboring countries and burdened with the memory of a horrific (300 years ago) civil war lead by a coven of evil sorceresses.
The main character Prince Tristan (the chosen one, based on an incredibly elastic and constantly referenced ancient book-length prophecy) is sort of a cardboard cutout of a pretty uninteresting late teens bored and irresponsible prince, until an invasion and royal tragedies compel him to vow revenge on the sorceresses, who have been living in exile for 300 years, and launch himself on an adventure. Post-vowing revenge he is slightly more interesting than before, although he keeps falling inexplicably in love with (like within an hour of meeting) serioulsy dull women during the adventure who almost immediately die on him.
It is one of those fantasies where the writer keeps violating the rules of magic he has set up and then justifies it by saying something like "But of course, the prophecies allow the magic to work this way under certain circumstances because the chosen one has appeared, during a full moon in this specific cermony if the right chalice is used and there is special water from the magic cave surrounding the sacred stone, etc., etc." Also, many key characters make extremely stupid decisions for plot purposes that the author tries to continually justify in irritating ways.
For instance, the king points out that if the prophecy dictates that 2/3 of the kingdom and almost the entire royal family is going to be slaughtered at an upcoming ceremony on a particular day, perhaps the kingdom could consider moving the ceremony up a day or two? Thereby avoiding the return of the evil sorceresses and their hordes of rape and murder happy minion armies? Especially since the sorceresses will only be able to invade during this special ceremony when the good guys lose their magic for an hour during the ritual. It might throw off their plans if we switch the date. Sounds good to me, good thing we made this guy king, right? No, no, no. The head sorcerer goes through some sort of stupid two page justification monologue about how the wizards council has considered all such alternatives and the best course is really just to go ahead with the ceremony as planned (and plotted by the author) and hope for the best. Half the book is justification where the author tries to patch up leaky plot points with dumb-sounding "Well, we've thought of that, but the prophesy says--" kind of stuff.
The villians are moustache twirling, evilest-of-evil, truly depraved sorts that I find a bit dull and uninteresting. You can pretty must count on them to do their evilest in a by-the-numbers fashion with little variation.
Will probably keep reading the series at least one book further, but it may peter out after that.
The main character Prince Tristan (the chosen one, based on an incredibly elastic and constantly referenced ancient book-length prophecy) is sort of a cardboard cutout of a pretty uninteresting late teens bored and irresponsible prince, until an invasion and royal tragedies compel him to vow revenge on the sorceresses, who have been living in exile for 300 years, and launch himself on an adventure. Post-vowing revenge he is slightly more interesting than before, although he keeps falling inexplicably in love with (like within an hour of meeting) serioulsy dull women during the adventure who almost immediately die on him.
It is one of those fantasies where the writer keeps violating the rules of magic he has set up and then justifies it by saying something like "But of course, the prophecies allow the magic to work this way under certain circumstances because the chosen one has appeared, during a full moon in this specific cermony if the right chalice is used and there is special water from the magic cave surrounding the sacred stone, etc., etc." Also, many key characters make extremely stupid decisions for plot purposes that the author tries to continually justify in irritating ways.
For instance, the king points out that if the prophecy dictates that 2/3 of the kingdom and almost the entire royal family is going to be slaughtered at an upcoming ceremony on a particular day, perhaps the kingdom could consider moving the ceremony up a day or two? Thereby avoiding the return of the evil sorceresses and their hordes of rape and murder happy minion armies? Especially since the sorceresses will only be able to invade during this special ceremony when the good guys lose their magic for an hour during the ritual. It might throw off their plans if we switch the date. Sounds good to me, good thing we made this guy king, right? No, no, no. The head sorcerer goes through some sort of stupid two page justification monologue about how the wizards council has considered all such alternatives and the best course is really just to go ahead with the ceremony as planned (and plotted by the author) and hope for the best. Half the book is justification where the author tries to patch up leaky plot points with dumb-sounding "Well, we've thought of that, but the prophesy says--" kind of stuff.
The villians are moustache twirling, evilest-of-evil, truly depraved sorts that I find a bit dull and uninteresting. You can pretty must count on them to do their evilest in a by-the-numbers fashion with little variation.
Will probably keep reading the series at least one book further, but it may peter out after that.
April 26, 2017
Lol literally the worst book I have ever read.
This is just a nostalgia review. 14 year-old me knew this book was awful. And 14 year-old me still kinda loved Dragonlance*** so.
***WHICH IS ENTERTAINING AND ENJOYABLE AT LEAST AND I GAVE IT LIKE 4 NOSTALGIA STARS ON HERE
This is just a nostalgia review. 14 year-old me knew this book was awful. And 14 year-old me still kinda loved Dragonlance*** so.
***WHICH IS ENTERTAINING AND ENJOYABLE AT LEAST AND I GAVE IT LIKE 4 NOSTALGIA STARS ON HERE
August 4, 2011
Quite possibly the worst book ever written. It fails in every category.
Read
August 15, 2020After watching Daniel Greene's take on this book, I've decided that I'd rather not spend the time giving this book any sort of attention. There's too many good books out there to read, I don't want to waste my time reading bad ones. So I'll happily give this one a pass.
September 27, 2021
The Fifth Sorceress is so bad that reading it is a surreal experience. If you put it down, you're likely to find yourself wondering whether prose that awful actually exists or if your mind is playing tricks on you. I first read it 18 years ago and the burning awfulness sticks in my mind long after the details of a hundred mediocre fantasy novels have vanished from memory.
I'll mention the extreme misogyny, as it can hardly be avoided. Genre readers have, unfortunately, long been familiar with casual sexism, but with Newcomb there's nothing casual about it. All significant female characters are depicted as depraved, violent, sex-obsessed maniacs. Newcomb specifically states that women characters' sexual desires were due to evil magic, most particularly lesbianism. At the same time, Newcomb specifically has his male protagonist sleep around and informs us that this is fine and normal. I wouldn't so much say that Newcomb's sexism is over the top. More accurate to say that he went to the top, built a massive tower on the top, and launched a rocket upward from there at high velocity. There's obsession with rape and torture as well. Anyone likely to be traumatized by such should avoid this book entirely.
If one could ignore the raging misogyny and rape obsession (which one can't), what remained would be the worst piece of writing ever published. It utterly, totally fails on so many levels that only a small fraction can be covered in one review. I might mention the parade of tropes: the handsome prince, the beautiful and helpless princess who needs to be rescued, the Gandalf clone, the magic piece of jewelry that gives world domination, the sword with special significance, the prophecy, the inn scene, the wise elder who lives in the woods... I might mention the treacly sentences that would get rejected by a romance novelist ("You are handsome and strong and I know in my heart that you will not hurt me", "Frederick loved her more than life"), the clichés ("What he saw made his jaw drop", "This was not a man to be trifled with", "His blood froze in his veins", "I should have killed you when I had the chance"), the infodumps, the baffling choice of names (Traax, Wigg, Failee), the blatant copying of well-known lines from movies, TV, and even music ("Plant your love and let it grow"), and much more.
Let me start with the plot. Prince Tristan is about to be crowned King when an army of flying minions (officially called "The Minions") bursts into the castle, slaughters his parents and friends, steals the magic jewel, and kidnaps his Princess sister. Then Tristan grabs his sword and marches of to the villains' fortress to kill the villains and rescue his sister. That is the entire plot. There is literally nothing else. Yet once he sets this idiotically simple plot in motion, Newcomb keeps screwing it up. Time after time, he writes himself into a corner with no logical way out. Then he simply has his wizard deliver a long, bland lecture, which invariably contradicts earlier material, that's supposed to fix the plot hole but actually introduces new plot holes.
As an example, most fantasy authors have a map and make sure that there's a route on the map that their characters can take. Newcomb instead has two countries with an ocean in between, and he tells us over and over, backwards and forwards, that there's no way across the ocean. Then he realizes that Tristan is on the west side but needs to get to the east, so Newcomb suddenly declares that there's a magic portal that goes straight from where Tristan is to where he needs to be. The portal has never been mentioned before, no other portal exists, no explanation for why it exists is given, and no effort is made to explain why characters haven't been using the portal throughout the book. Elsewhere, one character is five months pregnant at the start and Newcomb needs her to give birth a few days later at the end, so he just declares at the last minute that this is a MAGIC pregnancy which only lasts five months. Presto chango, problem solved!
I might also mention the tome officially called "The Tome", the ghetto officially called "The Ghetto", or the author's utter ignorance about swords, horseback riding, and so much more. Then there's the modern anachronisms constantly intruding into this pseudo-medieval world (the word "psychological" is used on page 4), the plague of adverbs ("he asked reverently", "he said simply"), and the basic logical errors, as when Tristan first suggests using "death enchantments" and then later doesn't know what a "death enchantment" is. Literally everything that can done wrong in a novel is done wrong in this one.
There's an old story in the sci-fi/fantasy community in which an established author sets out to write the worst novel imaginable and submits it under pseudonym, and a publisher eagerly prints it and even requests sequels. Given how The Fifth Sorceress mangles every possible aspect of writing to a degree unmatched in publishing history, some will feel that it must have been an intentional parody. So if "Robert Newcomb" is a pseudonym for a serious author, and if this was intended as a parody, and if the author happens to read this review, I would just like to say: well done and you deserve a Pulitzer.
I'll mention the extreme misogyny, as it can hardly be avoided. Genre readers have, unfortunately, long been familiar with casual sexism, but with Newcomb there's nothing casual about it. All significant female characters are depicted as depraved, violent, sex-obsessed maniacs. Newcomb specifically states that women characters' sexual desires were due to evil magic, most particularly lesbianism. At the same time, Newcomb specifically has his male protagonist sleep around and informs us that this is fine and normal. I wouldn't so much say that Newcomb's sexism is over the top. More accurate to say that he went to the top, built a massive tower on the top, and launched a rocket upward from there at high velocity. There's obsession with rape and torture as well. Anyone likely to be traumatized by such should avoid this book entirely.
If one could ignore the raging misogyny and rape obsession (which one can't), what remained would be the worst piece of writing ever published. It utterly, totally fails on so many levels that only a small fraction can be covered in one review. I might mention the parade of tropes: the handsome prince, the beautiful and helpless princess who needs to be rescued, the Gandalf clone, the magic piece of jewelry that gives world domination, the sword with special significance, the prophecy, the inn scene, the wise elder who lives in the woods... I might mention the treacly sentences that would get rejected by a romance novelist ("You are handsome and strong and I know in my heart that you will not hurt me", "Frederick loved her more than life"), the clichés ("What he saw made his jaw drop", "This was not a man to be trifled with", "His blood froze in his veins", "I should have killed you when I had the chance"), the infodumps, the baffling choice of names (Traax, Wigg, Failee), the blatant copying of well-known lines from movies, TV, and even music ("Plant your love and let it grow"), and much more.
Let me start with the plot. Prince Tristan is about to be crowned King when an army of flying minions (officially called "The Minions") bursts into the castle, slaughters his parents and friends, steals the magic jewel, and kidnaps his Princess sister. Then Tristan grabs his sword and marches of to the villains' fortress to kill the villains and rescue his sister. That is the entire plot. There is literally nothing else. Yet once he sets this idiotically simple plot in motion, Newcomb keeps screwing it up. Time after time, he writes himself into a corner with no logical way out. Then he simply has his wizard deliver a long, bland lecture, which invariably contradicts earlier material, that's supposed to fix the plot hole but actually introduces new plot holes.
As an example, most fantasy authors have a map and make sure that there's a route on the map that their characters can take. Newcomb instead has two countries with an ocean in between, and he tells us over and over, backwards and forwards, that there's no way across the ocean. Then he realizes that Tristan is on the west side but needs to get to the east, so Newcomb suddenly declares that there's a magic portal that goes straight from where Tristan is to where he needs to be. The portal has never been mentioned before, no other portal exists, no explanation for why it exists is given, and no effort is made to explain why characters haven't been using the portal throughout the book. Elsewhere, one character is five months pregnant at the start and Newcomb needs her to give birth a few days later at the end, so he just declares at the last minute that this is a MAGIC pregnancy which only lasts five months. Presto chango, problem solved!
I might also mention the tome officially called "The Tome", the ghetto officially called "The Ghetto", or the author's utter ignorance about swords, horseback riding, and so much more. Then there's the modern anachronisms constantly intruding into this pseudo-medieval world (the word "psychological" is used on page 4), the plague of adverbs ("he asked reverently", "he said simply"), and the basic logical errors, as when Tristan first suggests using "death enchantments" and then later doesn't know what a "death enchantment" is. Literally everything that can done wrong in a novel is done wrong in this one.
There's an old story in the sci-fi/fantasy community in which an established author sets out to write the worst novel imaginable and submits it under pseudonym, and a publisher eagerly prints it and even requests sequels. Given how The Fifth Sorceress mangles every possible aspect of writing to a degree unmatched in publishing history, some will feel that it must have been an intentional parody. So if "Robert Newcomb" is a pseudonym for a serious author, and if this was intended as a parody, and if the author happens to read this review, I would just like to say: well done and you deserve a Pulitzer.
September 7, 2017
Though not as bad as I expected given its reputation, this is a pretty bad book. Sometimes in instructive ways, which is why I read it, but also sometimes in amusing ways.
This book really likes its infodumps. They're heavy-handed, but what I find remarkable is that many times the infodumps describe things that the reader already learned in a previous infodump. There are even some examples where the character themselves knows what is being infodumped to them, and the person infodumping knows that.
At the dramatic climax, when all hope seems lost, there are 18 solid pages of infodumping and reiteration of the plot. And once the conflict is resolved and there are multiple time bombs in play, the characters spend several more pages standing around talking about random details.
For a world in which functional magic exists, everyone is comically incredulous about every new fantasy element they encounter. At first it's funny when a 300 year old wizard is just gobsmacked by the slightest thing, but eventually I became really sick of people's minds reeling at every opportunity.
In that and many other aspects, everyone in this book is an idiot. There's a late moment where two characters have a conversation obliquely about something else, and every single line gets a full explanation even though their metaphors are painfully obvious. People are constantly angered or impressed by trivialities. And after so much buildup and pretentious withholding of information, here are the clever strategies to resolve the final conflicts:
1) Let every stage of the villain's plan succeed until they begin the ritual to destroy the world, then bump their magic artifact and they all die. Non-villains are fine because magic.
2) When surrounded by enemy forces, duel their leader, start to lose, then go "Look over there!" and stab him when he isn't looking. You are now the new leader.
As I said, more parts of this book are competent than I expected. But that's damning with faint praise, because nobody reads fantasy to trudge through mediocrity. This was an interesting industry trainwreck to read, but I have zero desire to read any more.
This book really likes its infodumps. They're heavy-handed, but what I find remarkable is that many times the infodumps describe things that the reader already learned in a previous infodump. There are even some examples where the character themselves knows what is being infodumped to them, and the person infodumping knows that.
At the dramatic climax, when all hope seems lost, there are 18 solid pages of infodumping and reiteration of the plot. And once the conflict is resolved and there are multiple time bombs in play, the characters spend several more pages standing around talking about random details.
For a world in which functional magic exists, everyone is comically incredulous about every new fantasy element they encounter. At first it's funny when a 300 year old wizard is just gobsmacked by the slightest thing, but eventually I became really sick of people's minds reeling at every opportunity.
In that and many other aspects, everyone in this book is an idiot. There's a late moment where two characters have a conversation obliquely about something else, and every single line gets a full explanation even though their metaphors are painfully obvious. People are constantly angered or impressed by trivialities. And after so much buildup and pretentious withholding of information, here are the clever strategies to resolve the final conflicts:
1) Let every stage of the villain's plan succeed until they begin the ritual to destroy the world, then bump their magic artifact and they all die. Non-villains are fine because magic.
2) When surrounded by enemy forces, duel their leader, start to lose, then go "Look over there!" and stab him when he isn't looking. You are now the new leader.
As I said, more parts of this book are competent than I expected. But that's damning with faint praise, because nobody reads fantasy to trudge through mediocrity. This was an interesting industry trainwreck to read, but I have zero desire to read any more.
July 7, 2012
Not sure why so many people did not care for this book. I thought it was amazing! I was captivated the whole time and it was one of those books that really changed me in a way. My only complaint was that some parts were a little to graphic. Wonderfully written!
March 15, 2008
This may be the worst fantasy book I've ever read. The characters were silly and the plot was ridiculous. I can't say enough bad things about it. Avoid it like the plague.
September 26, 2019
I'm one of those contrary bastards who insists on reading something myself before I say that it sucks because "hey, maybe I'll like it." (This should tell you a lot about my taste.) So when I heard about how legendarily bad this book was supposed to be I had to find a copy and see for myself. I learned a valuable lesson from doing this: I was wrong.
This book was unbelievably, almost unreadably bad. It was 668 pages of "keep going and you'll get to the end eventually."
The plot's movement relies entirely on people making the stupidest possible decision with healthy doses of Batman Gambits, Omniscient Villainy, and "As The Prophecy Says..." thrown in. The plot itself can be summed up as "Men good, women bad." It's never given any level of depth or complexity, that is the entire summary. Men are good. Women are bad. That is that. (Unless you're one of the unlucky female exceptions whose plot role, 3 for 3, is to be gang raped and die so the hero can angst over you.)
The characters were parodies of actual human beings, with the exception of the dwarf, and the hero on those rare occasions where he was kept a minimum of 500 miles from the nearest vagina. I didn't care what happened to any of these people because they were impossible to get attached to. The violence inflicted was so over the top that I found myself laughing out loud instead of shuddering from horror.
And the monologues, dear God the monologues. Nothing is figured out in this book, it is explained. At length. Characters will monologue at the drop of a hat: to each other, to their enemies, even to themselves (in one memorable scene a woman sits in her carriage and just thinks about the detailed, villainous plan... for nine pages). The magic system is never explained or given any rules, since that would ruin the astounding number of ass pulls required to save the day. It can do stuff 'n things, and that's all we know.
I haven't even touched on the author's astounding biphobia (in one scene our hero is legitimately more horrified by his twin kissing another woman than he was by her reaching for his schlong three sentences earlier) or the no less than four instances in which characters knowledgeably discuss something and then ask what it is two pages later. But as Cletus says in The Simpsons Movie, "I simply cain't,"
In summary, if you've gotten this far: This book sucks, and anyone who gets all the way to the end deserves a round of applause and a fifth of whiskey. Don't make the same mistake I did, kids. Don't read this book.
This book was unbelievably, almost unreadably bad. It was 668 pages of "keep going and you'll get to the end eventually."
The plot's movement relies entirely on people making the stupidest possible decision with healthy doses of Batman Gambits, Omniscient Villainy, and "As The Prophecy Says..." thrown in. The plot itself can be summed up as "Men good, women bad." It's never given any level of depth or complexity, that is the entire summary. Men are good. Women are bad. That is that. (Unless you're one of the unlucky female exceptions whose plot role, 3 for 3, is to be gang raped and die so the hero can angst over you.)
The characters were parodies of actual human beings, with the exception of the dwarf, and the hero on those rare occasions where he was kept a minimum of 500 miles from the nearest vagina. I didn't care what happened to any of these people because they were impossible to get attached to. The violence inflicted was so over the top that I found myself laughing out loud instead of shuddering from horror.
And the monologues, dear God the monologues. Nothing is figured out in this book, it is explained. At length. Characters will monologue at the drop of a hat: to each other, to their enemies, even to themselves (in one memorable scene a woman sits in her carriage and just thinks about the detailed, villainous plan... for nine pages). The magic system is never explained or given any rules, since that would ruin the astounding number of ass pulls required to save the day. It can do stuff 'n things, and that's all we know.
I haven't even touched on the author's astounding biphobia (in one scene our hero is legitimately more horrified by his twin kissing another woman than he was by her reaching for his schlong three sentences earlier) or the no less than four instances in which characters knowledgeably discuss something and then ask what it is two pages later. But as Cletus says in The Simpsons Movie, "I simply cain't,"
In summary, if you've gotten this far: This book sucks, and anyone who gets all the way to the end deserves a round of applause and a fifth of whiskey. Don't make the same mistake I did, kids. Don't read this book.
October 24, 2020
Imagine writing women and lgbt people like this and being happy with it enough to have it published. Hope your happy with your 30 year old completely boring manchild protagonist Newcomb. If I ever find a reader who wants exposition and backstory vomited down their throat in the most bland non imaginative, I'll send them to this heaping serve of sexism, with a side of generic plot conveniences of course.
Plot: 0/10
Magic System: 0/10 (because it breaks its own laws all the damn time)
Characters: 1/10
World building: 0/10
Editing: 0/10
Pacing: 0/10
Honestly don't bother, it's disgusting.
Plot: 0/10
Magic System: 0/10 (because it breaks its own laws all the damn time)
Characters: 1/10
World building: 0/10
Editing: 0/10
Pacing: 0/10
Honestly don't bother, it's disgusting.
April 1, 2011
yuck! Misogynistic in 1st chapt, couldn't go on
July 6, 2012
The beginning of this book was a little slow for me and somewhat hard to get into but that only lasted the first fifty pages or so and then I was thoroughly hooked.
One of the reviews said that it was reminiscent of the Song of Ice and Fire and I would agree that there were times I thought of that. Both writers have a somewhat larger than normal propensity for killing off some characters beyond what you would typically experience in many fantasy books.
In some ways I was also reminded of the Wheel of Time though. Tristan and Rand could be said to be similar characters at this point in time. Although, I think that the similarity will probably end there as the series goes on and Tristan becomes more of a fully developed character.
All in all this is a pretty amazing read and Newcomb gets points for some serious originality at times. The Minions of Day and Night for example. I would love to see more of them.
The ending had so many last minute revelations and twists and turns that I know for a fact sooner or later I'll be going on to Book Two in this series. Only a matter of time before I find it cheap somewhere either in a used book store or on my Nook.
One of the reviews said that it was reminiscent of the Song of Ice and Fire and I would agree that there were times I thought of that. Both writers have a somewhat larger than normal propensity for killing off some characters beyond what you would typically experience in many fantasy books.
In some ways I was also reminded of the Wheel of Time though. Tristan and Rand could be said to be similar characters at this point in time. Although, I think that the similarity will probably end there as the series goes on and Tristan becomes more of a fully developed character.
All in all this is a pretty amazing read and Newcomb gets points for some serious originality at times. The Minions of Day and Night for example. I would love to see more of them.
The ending had so many last minute revelations and twists and turns that I know for a fact sooner or later I'll be going on to Book Two in this series. Only a matter of time before I find it cheap somewhere either in a used book store or on my Nook.
April 28, 2012
I half-heartedly read the first five chapters of The Fifth Sorceress by Robert Newcomb (2002), knowing it had received generally unfavorable reviews from fans of the epic fantasy genre. (It has an Amazon rating of like 2.25 stars, which is pretty bad for a book from a major publisher.) Five chapters might not sound like much, but the chapters in this book are miles long. Five chapters works out to 149 pages or 25% of the book.
You might think that within 149 pages, some sort of exciting plot would begin, but you would be wrong. It���s all setup and backstory. The hero���s journey is nowhere to be found, so it did not take me long to start skimming. (By skimming, I mean I read the first sentence of every paragraph, or skipped everything but dialog.) There is a lot of exposition at the beginning of this book, and thus very little action.
You might think that within 149 pages, some sort of exciting plot would begin, but you would be wrong. It���s all setup and backstory. The hero���s journey is nowhere to be found, so it did not take me long to start skimming. (By skimming, I mean I read the first sentence of every paragraph, or skipped everything but dialog.) There is a lot of exposition at the beginning of this book, and thus very little action.
August 18, 2021
So I'm going to just list things because I cant be bothered to write out paragraphs
1. He plays catch with his fucking horse
2. The world is more of a cliche then that joke world Clichea
3. So sexist and homophobic being bisexual is portrayed as evil
4. Really weird incesty stuff and not just because it the middle ages, eg marrying your cousin, but it's the villains motivation
5. The villains motivation is so shite
SPOILERS
They want to repopulate the world with incest babies
6. He invents knife throwing, this is the middle ages btw
7. The main character is a man child
8. I dont like this book
9.so much shite exposition you just dont care about l, it's not a Robert jordan exposition duno it's like the dollar store equivalent
10. Gnomes are important not elves not dwarves gnomes
11. This is not a good book
1. He plays catch with his fucking horse
2. The world is more of a cliche then that joke world Clichea
3. So sexist and homophobic being bisexual is portrayed as evil
4. Really weird incesty stuff and not just because it the middle ages, eg marrying your cousin, but it's the villains motivation
5. The villains motivation is so shite
SPOILERS
They want to repopulate the world with incest babies
6. He invents knife throwing, this is the middle ages btw
7. The main character is a man child
8. I dont like this book
9.so much shite exposition you just dont care about l, it's not a Robert jordan exposition duno it's like the dollar store equivalent
10. Gnomes are important not elves not dwarves gnomes
11. This is not a good book
March 10, 2012
The Fifth Sorceress
Volume 1 of The Chronicals of Blood and Stone
Wonderful story of magic, sorccery, wizardry, and adventure (some...mature parts).
Prologue, 6 Parts, and an epiloge; 591 pages.
"True peace of mind comes only when my heart and actions are aligned with true principles and values. I shall forsake not, to the loss of all material thhings, my honor and integrity. I shall protect the Paragon above all else, but take no life except in urgent defense of self and other, or without fair warning. I swear to rule always with wisdom and compassion."
-- The succession oath of the first reigning monarch of the kingdom of Eutracia, made to The Directorate of Wizards upon the peace following The Sorceresses' War.
(First thing said in the book before the prologue)
Volume 1 of The Chronicals of Blood and Stone
Wonderful story of magic, sorccery, wizardry, and adventure (some...mature parts).
Prologue, 6 Parts, and an epiloge; 591 pages.
"True peace of mind comes only when my heart and actions are aligned with true principles and values. I shall forsake not, to the loss of all material thhings, my honor and integrity. I shall protect the Paragon above all else, but take no life except in urgent defense of self and other, or without fair warning. I swear to rule always with wisdom and compassion."
-- The succession oath of the first reigning monarch of the kingdom of Eutracia, made to The Directorate of Wizards upon the peace following The Sorceresses' War.
(First thing said in the book before the prologue)
June 10, 2008
So far, so good...sticks to the traditional fantasy genre plot lines (boy must grow up and face his responsibility as hero of mankind, as well as discover his secret magical powers). Pretty well written, never boring...would recommend although I don't know how many books are in this series or if I will regret committing to reading this (i.e. Wheel of Time- I can't make it past Crossroads of Twilight). Anyway, enjoy, fellow nerds!
April 11, 2009
I must say at first I absolutely hated this book. I found the story somewhat intriguing but it seemed things would happen out of convince for the author as apposed to things feeling like they happened because they did. I hated the way he wrote it and he used the same sentances to describe things. ie "and Tristan saw something that he would never forget" about a million times. Whatever. But I wanted to give the book a chance for two reasons [1:] because this was the authors first novel and I was hoping that he would fall into a better natural and stronger writing style then when he started out and [2:] because a co-worker raved about this book so much. She was the one that recommened George RR martin to me and because all the fantasy fans that ever came to our store always looked upon her for recommendations because she knows like every series ever. So yep. I am happy to say that as I got farther into the book I was less and less rolling my eyes and bitching about things the author was say and actually got really into the story [ although this took me almost 3 quarters of the way through the book:]. There were still a few things that he wrote that really don't make any sense or he didn't describe it enough to make the reader understand how certain people came to conclusions. But no matter. It's like the first 3 quarters of the book he warmed up his writing style and ended with something better then what he began with.
January 6, 2016
Erm.. No. This is the best example of a good fantasy idea going absolutely wrong. I want to first talk about the positive things. The story was at times interesting and some level of epicness was achieved. now the bad things. I felt no sympathy for any of the characters. The whole plot was ridiculous to the point of where I wanted to cry. Everything was always so damn overwhelming and just over the top. The characters spend hours crying. The story is often very gory and cruel, seemingly without much effect. Yes, there is the endless crying but the abhorrent scenes are too many, I felt numb from I. Also some scenes showed no emotional output that seems realistic despite all the crying. This was just too much of everything. You cannot cramp so much into one fantasy story. I got so sick of all the "there is no end to the torment" (there sure was not) and all the stupid wizard talk " he still has so much to learn.. But there is no time.. But his blood is the purest" oh god! Sometimes I felt sick with all that racial discrimination talk and what not. Too much really. Did I mention all the senseless crying? Too much.
June 19, 2009
This is such a great read! Reading this book for the first time was simply thrilling. I have never read a book by an author that wrote such graphic scenes. He brings the world to life in this book.
August 11, 2025
This book was entertaining, for the most part, but it didn't exactly blaze a new trail in the fantasy genre. Reading the reviews here, it appears that some people consider this "the worst book ever written," but it's not even the worst book in the genre. I guess they haven't read "The Sword of Shannara." No offense to Terry Brooks—who got much better—but at least this wasn't a not-even-really-disguised Lord of the Rings knock-off.
I get some of the criticism. While it doesn't reach Terry Goodkind levels of misogyny, it's not a great look to have all the male magic users be kind and wise, while all the females are sadistic, sociopathic sexual deviants. There's an in-world logic to it (of sorts), and I didn't get an overt "I hate women" vibe, but Newcomb may have been working through some stuff when he wrote this.
And many seem to have taken umbrage with Tristan trying to play fetch with his horse, but my reaction was, "Huh. I didn't know they did that." It doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility, but I know jack-sh*t about horses, so...*shrugs*
You know what bugged me the most about this book? Wigg, the Lead Wizard of Eutracia, apparently cocks his eyebrow in a wry manner so often that it's infamous. Literally. Newcomb uses the phrase "infamous eyebrow" so much—so, so much, dude—that it was noteworthy when he *didn't* use it. Seriously, if I was a speed reader playing a drinking game where I took a drink every time the phrase came up, I'd have died of alcohol poisoning. I'd have thought his editor would have said something about trimming some of the infamous eyebrows, but if they did it appears the advice fell on deaf ears.
On the plus side, I generally didn't know what was going to happen next. One could argue that was because Newcomb didn't either, but who knows? Regardless, even if I knew what was going to happen, I was generally unsure of *how* it was going to happen, so put one in the win column for unpredictability.
I don't know. It's Newcomb's first novel, so I'm willing to cut him some slack. And while I don't think I'll be hunting down the next book of the series anytime soon, I wouldn't be averse to reading it. That's more than I can say about Terry Goodkind's work.
I get some of the criticism. While it doesn't reach Terry Goodkind levels of misogyny, it's not a great look to have all the male magic users be kind and wise, while all the females are sadistic, sociopathic sexual deviants. There's an in-world logic to it (of sorts), and I didn't get an overt "I hate women" vibe, but Newcomb may have been working through some stuff when he wrote this.
And many seem to have taken umbrage with Tristan trying to play fetch with his horse, but my reaction was, "Huh. I didn't know they did that." It doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility, but I know jack-sh*t about horses, so...*shrugs*
You know what bugged me the most about this book? Wigg, the Lead Wizard of Eutracia, apparently cocks his eyebrow in a wry manner so often that it's infamous. Literally. Newcomb uses the phrase "infamous eyebrow" so much—so, so much, dude—that it was noteworthy when he *didn't* use it. Seriously, if I was a speed reader playing a drinking game where I took a drink every time the phrase came up, I'd have died of alcohol poisoning. I'd have thought his editor would have said something about trimming some of the infamous eyebrows, but if they did it appears the advice fell on deaf ears.
On the plus side, I generally didn't know what was going to happen next. One could argue that was because Newcomb didn't either, but who knows? Regardless, even if I knew what was going to happen, I was generally unsure of *how* it was going to happen, so put one in the win column for unpredictability.
I don't know. It's Newcomb's first novel, so I'm willing to cut him some slack. And while I don't think I'll be hunting down the next book of the series anytime soon, I wouldn't be averse to reading it. That's more than I can say about Terry Goodkind's work.
June 17, 2023
“Endowed blood is necessary to the mastery of magic. Trying to teach it to one of common blood is like trying to teach your stallion to play the harp.”
This is the worst book I've read so far in 2023 and I'm almost certain it will remain the worst book I've read for the entirety of the year. It may, in fact, be the worst book I've read ever since I opened a Goodreads account.
There are so many numerous elements that are wrong with this book that I have no idea where to begin, or if I could even fully encapsulate all of my thoughts in a single review. There are many reviews that suggest this book is atrocious--listen to them. The only reason I finished reading this book was out of morbid fascination--every time I thought it hit the bottom of the barrel, it got worse. Every time. It was so atrocious that at points I thought I was reading a surreal tongue-in-cheek parody; but no, it was completely sincere.
This novel's got it all!
- Horrible misogyny and homophobia!
- Villains that have all the depth of a puddle!
- World building that is constantly disregarded, broken, or straight up nonsensical!
- Horrifically poor grasp of prose!
- A main character that learns nothing, does idiotic things, and wins by default anyway!
- Weird bloodline-obsessions that border on on eugenics, if they don't straight up endorse them entirely!
- Love interests shoved in the closet!
-
- The author's several
- A prophecy that spoils the entire story and robs the narrative of whatever stakes it might have had were there simply no Chosen Ones to begin with!
- Tonal issues that become unintentionally hilarious when they aren't baffling, batshit insanity!
The tonal issues are just wild. There are times where it wants to portray TrUe LoVe between chaste kind-hearted character archetypes, only to veer WILDLY into grimdark mass murder. Like...
A bit of a spoiler, but not really, because it's literally verbatim told to you in the first chapter.
I'm at a loss as to why goodreads recommends this book to anyone. Don't read this. I'm not joking--this is not a challenge. It's just bad on every level. Spare yourself, read the reviews, you're missing nothing from them.
Instead, I recommend bashing your head against a stop sign for five hours. You'll lose fewer neurons that way.
November 14, 2023
this MIGHT be the worst fantasy book I have ever read. this book is 90% monologues, most of its concepts are straight up ripped from other series, and the main character is 30 and acts like he is 15. God this book has so much stupid crap in it that's meant to be serious. First, our main character INVENTED knife throwing somehow, and also horses are just treated like dogs instead of horses it's so weird. he literally plays fetch with his horse and the horse acts like a dog
January 3, 2018
The first three of these books were all right, but the sheer level of slaughter got a bit much- even for me. I don't appreciate senseless violence and wholesale slaughter of tens of thousands in each book. But the writing was engaging and I enjoyed the storyline.
April 25, 2012
I just finished this book a few minutes ago.4/25/2012.
This is a fun story with alot of unexpected turns throughout the entire book. Great writing and well developed characters. The story line was new and inventive and definitely kept me interested in reading the entire book. NOW, that being said, I would have made this into two books instead of one. It took me four months to read and I nearly didn't finish it. I love reading but this book is thick and the story does have a few moments where the story gets to detailed and slows down somewhat.I actaully had to stop and read another book to take a breather.I did however enjoy this book and will recommend it to others but I also could have done without the sexual descriptions and the multiple rapes of the eutracian queen. I will however read the other books in this series because I really liked the story and the characters that Robert Newcomb invented.
This is a fun story with alot of unexpected turns throughout the entire book. Great writing and well developed characters. The story line was new and inventive and definitely kept me interested in reading the entire book. NOW, that being said, I would have made this into two books instead of one. It took me four months to read and I nearly didn't finish it. I love reading but this book is thick and the story does have a few moments where the story gets to detailed and slows down somewhat.I actaully had to stop and read another book to take a breather.I did however enjoy this book and will recommend it to others but I also could have done without the sexual descriptions and the multiple rapes of the eutracian queen. I will however read the other books in this series because I really liked the story and the characters that Robert Newcomb invented.
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