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Stay, Daughter
We did not stay in our houses. Not in the way our grandmothers had, or our mothers. We went out a little more and veiled ourselves a little less ...Suffused with love, humour and compassion, Stay, Daughter gives an intimate glimpse into a traditional Muslim community that has to balance the rules of Islamic orthodoxy with the freedoms and innovations of the Westernized modern world. The memoir follows the history of a community in Sri Lanka that, in the late 19th century, breaks with the traditions of the time to give girls a secular education and permission to go out of their homes. Before long, such independence and exposure to foreign ideas brings heartbreak to many families as their daughters move away from the customs that had once been the norm. Although the book tells the story of a single family, it draws on a situation that almost all Muslims struggle with as they negotiate a changing world where women are no longer who they used to be.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
256 pages, Hardcover
Published April 6, 2023
15 people are currently reading
181 people want to read
About the author
Yasmin Azad
2 books6 followersYasmin Azad was among the first group of girls in her Muslim community to go away from home to pursue a university degree. After obtaining a degree in English, she moved to the United States. Living mostly in the Boston area, she worked for over two decades as a mental health counselor. Her memoir Stay, Daughter, draws on her experiences growing up in a close-knit, conservative society which, when it gave more independence to women, had to deal with the challenges of modernity. It is also informed by an understanding derived from her work as a counselor in the West, that the breakdown of traditional family values and structures comes with its own challenges, especially for women. Her writing has been published in Solstice Literary Magazine, and The Massachusetts Review.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 30, 2023
This story with its colourful characters and vivid story seems strangely familiar. I cannot say I have too many experiences in common with the author but I felt a sort of kinship with her and everything that comes with having a loving family that is sometimes more conservative and traditional than I would like. I really liked the descriptive portrayal of the culture of the Sri Lankan Muslims of Galle Fort. You feel the warmth and community as well as the strict dictates of faith and religion. At the end of the day this is a coming-of-age story of a girl trying to find her place in a rapidly changing world, trying to find the balance between her values, and those of her family and her community. The writing is simple yet immersive, I cannot recommend this enough! I simply could not put this book down.
I received a free copy of this book from the author.
I received a free copy of this book from the author.
April 21, 2023
This is a stunning memoir of the authors own
experiences growing up within a Muslim family in Ceylon (known today as Sri Lanka).
Yasmin Azad tells her own story of growing up within a Muslim family. In her community girls traditionally left school early (when they hit puberty) and were kept inside their houses so as not to be seen by any men other than family…even hiding away if male visitors attended the home. For most of the girls in her village marriages were arranged between families, and the new husband would move into the family home.
However, Azad’s father allowed his daughter (following her persistent pleas) to have a little more freedom, and a less restricted upbringing. He allowed her to have a bike, plus she was allowed to finish her education, even leaving home to attend university.
Yasmin Azad tells her story objectively, without judgement, and with a fond account of her story and the gift her father gave her of a less conservative upbringing.
experiences growing up within a Muslim family in Ceylon (known today as Sri Lanka).
Yasmin Azad tells her own story of growing up within a Muslim family. In her community girls traditionally left school early (when they hit puberty) and were kept inside their houses so as not to be seen by any men other than family…even hiding away if male visitors attended the home. For most of the girls in her village marriages were arranged between families, and the new husband would move into the family home.
However, Azad’s father allowed his daughter (following her persistent pleas) to have a little more freedom, and a less restricted upbringing. He allowed her to have a bike, plus she was allowed to finish her education, even leaving home to attend university.
Yasmin Azad tells her story objectively, without judgement, and with a fond account of her story and the gift her father gave her of a less conservative upbringing.
June 11, 2020
This book promises a vivid account of a Muslim girl's coming of age, but it does more than that. It is also a beautiful portrayal of Sri Lankan culture in the southern fort city of Galle.
Stay, Daughter offers so much insight into Sri Lankan culture along with a deeper understanding of generational change for Muslim families as they seek to maintain traditions in an increasingly westernized world.
What particularly fascinated me was how, despite the many hurdles, Yasmin was able to so quietly make her way to the world she had longed for.
Stay, Daughter offers so much insight into Sri Lankan culture along with a deeper understanding of generational change for Muslim families as they seek to maintain traditions in an increasingly westernized world.
What particularly fascinated me was how, despite the many hurdles, Yasmin was able to so quietly make her way to the world she had longed for.
May 8, 2021
Yasmin Azad’s coming-of-age memoir - focused on growing up in Sri Lanka (formerly Ceylon) mid-century - sparkles with light and humour, and shines with familial warmth, love and security. Yasmin describes her secure childhood growing up in Galle Fort, a colonial stronghold in Sri Lanka where she is able to mix with a wide range of cultures beyond that of her immediate family. Her father is indulgent and generous, her mother disapproving of the freedom Yasmin is granted. But there is much more to this book. Interwoven into her own story are the stories of her parents’ lives and those of her grandparents, aunts, cousins and the wider community. A tapestry is created through which the reader gains rich insight into life for a young and curious Muslim girl.
Yasmin and her father had a strong bond. She describes her father’s rise from humble beginnings to a life of genteel aspiration and his desire to further himself and his family through increasing contact with colonial society, whilst always holding fast to the values of his own religion and culture. She describes the dilemma he faced when forced to choose between his own disgrace and upholding those values, and the about-face in his liberal attitude towards his daughter when her own life choices came into conflict with his expectations for her.
The relationship between Yasmin and her mother is more distant. Her mother is more traditional; resigned in her outlook and her expectations for own life and for her daughter. Perhaps she could see that her husband’s indulgence of the young Yasmin would make the course traditionally set for Muslim women more difficult for her to accept as she grew older.
Yasmin grows up absorbing disparate experiences through daily life with her immediate family; frequent visits to her sprawling extended family; excursions in and around the fort; her friendship with Penny, a Christian schoolfriend; and her own passion for school and for learning. Her understanding develops of the differences between her Muslim upbringing and the colonial families; between the opportunities available for men and for women; those available for married women and for unmarried; for her own generation and those which preceded it.
I was spellbound by this insight into a way of life so different from my own. At puberty, girls are ‘brought inside’ and become known as komaru - secluded from the outside world and in particular from contact with men beyond their family. Yasmin writes consistently with love and respect for her parents but as a child who had always craved and embraced the freedom her father had granted her until now, this experience must have been unendurable. Her saving grace was that unlike earlier generations, she was permitted to continue with school. Although I already had a sketchy understanding of the expectations for girls and women, it was still shocking and eye-opening to read this vivid account.
Education proved to be the way out for Yasmin, although her battle to be allowed to continue her education beyond school I found to be the weakest part of the book. I’m hoping this may be because a second book is planned which will relate more of this chapter in Yasmin’s life and beyond.
Beautifully written, engaging and informative, I highly recommend this heartwarming memoir. My thanks to Yasmin Azad and her publishers and to Book Sirens from whom I received an advance review copy. This is a voluntary, independent review.
Yasmin and her father had a strong bond. She describes her father’s rise from humble beginnings to a life of genteel aspiration and his desire to further himself and his family through increasing contact with colonial society, whilst always holding fast to the values of his own religion and culture. She describes the dilemma he faced when forced to choose between his own disgrace and upholding those values, and the about-face in his liberal attitude towards his daughter when her own life choices came into conflict with his expectations for her.
The relationship between Yasmin and her mother is more distant. Her mother is more traditional; resigned in her outlook and her expectations for own life and for her daughter. Perhaps she could see that her husband’s indulgence of the young Yasmin would make the course traditionally set for Muslim women more difficult for her to accept as she grew older.
Yasmin grows up absorbing disparate experiences through daily life with her immediate family; frequent visits to her sprawling extended family; excursions in and around the fort; her friendship with Penny, a Christian schoolfriend; and her own passion for school and for learning. Her understanding develops of the differences between her Muslim upbringing and the colonial families; between the opportunities available for men and for women; those available for married women and for unmarried; for her own generation and those which preceded it.
I was spellbound by this insight into a way of life so different from my own. At puberty, girls are ‘brought inside’ and become known as komaru - secluded from the outside world and in particular from contact with men beyond their family. Yasmin writes consistently with love and respect for her parents but as a child who had always craved and embraced the freedom her father had granted her until now, this experience must have been unendurable. Her saving grace was that unlike earlier generations, she was permitted to continue with school. Although I already had a sketchy understanding of the expectations for girls and women, it was still shocking and eye-opening to read this vivid account.
Education proved to be the way out for Yasmin, although her battle to be allowed to continue her education beyond school I found to be the weakest part of the book. I’m hoping this may be because a second book is planned which will relate more of this chapter in Yasmin’s life and beyond.
Beautifully written, engaging and informative, I highly recommend this heartwarming memoir. My thanks to Yasmin Azad and her publishers and to Book Sirens from whom I received an advance review copy. This is a voluntary, independent review.
April 1, 2021
Couldn't get through it. Too boring.
September 13, 2020
This memoir tells the story of Yasmin, a Muslim girl who grew up in Galle Fort during a period of important social change. Since she went to a Catholic school and her childhood best friend was English, she was exposed to many cultural elements that were different from those considered important to her family and her community. She got to ride a bike, she watched movies that were not as modest as the Ulemas would have wanted, she read comic books, and she even got a swimsuit. These things may seem harmless, but they were part of a broad and exciting world that women had to abandon when they became "big girls" as they were close to puberty. During that period of time, Muslim girls and women around Yasmin were going through some changes, as they had more freedom and had access to formal education, but were expected to obey their parents' wishes and behave as traditional modest women, as their grandmothers did. In that way, both modernity and tradition created a constant struggle for women because they had to face different discourses and expectations that forced them to make hard choices. So, this is an interesting book because it tells the story of a smart young girl while showing the contradictions and confusion that changing structures produce in any given society.
What I liked: My favorite part of this book is that I learned a lot from reading it. The author is great at explaining the traditional Islamic roles related to a person's gender, economic status, and the place they have in their family. The descriptive parts about the traditional lifestyle and believes and the way they changed because of everyday contact with modernity and western people were very interesting as well. As an anthropologist, I enjoyed the writing style because the author shows many nuances and details that are of major importance, but some books about similar topics fail to present in a clear way. For example, Azad talks a lot about the cultural consequences of colonialism, as embracing some western manners was an important symbol of status and played a fundamental role in social acceptance. The relationship between Yasmin and Penny was interesting for me because they were very close and shared many things, but their friendship was influenced by a colonial social structure as well. That is why Yasmin was supposed to pronounce "yacht" correctly, know how to eat meat with cutlery, and have a bike, but Penny and her family were not interested at all in learning about Islamic traditions or why she behaved differently as if she was just being childish. Thus, in those "intercultural moments" there was no reciprocity, but a sense of superiority. It is also important that the author mentioned the concept of being "civilized" and how it was used throughout her education when her Irish teachers wanted the students to act more westernized or when her mother wanted her to be different than her relatives from a village. I also liked that, close to the ending, the author explains that the contradictions between modernity and tradition also meant that women had to choose between their individual aspirations and the collective expectations and duties that were important for their families and communities. This is a discussion that every conservative society has to deal with and I believe the complexities of it are usually silenced by the aim for progress. There is not an easy answer to that dilemma, and Azad managed to express it in a great and understandable way. Another positive element is that her perspective presented the cultural causes and consequences of some practices, but did not demonize or idealized any of them. For instance, it was clear that families secluded their girls because they cared about their reputation and future but it was also problematic and led some women to make choices that they later regretted. This was a great read and I recommend it.
What I did not like: I would have wanted to read a couple of chapters or at least an epilogue that explores Yasmin's life after high school and how her family, especially her dad, dealt with that. Also, I did enjoy the descriptions and explanations of the traditional Islamic lifestyle in Ceylon, but if someone is looking for an exciting plot that keeps you interested, this is not the right choice.
(I want to thank BookSirens, Perera Hussein Publishing House, and the author for this ARC, which I received in exchange for an honest review.)
What I liked: My favorite part of this book is that I learned a lot from reading it. The author is great at explaining the traditional Islamic roles related to a person's gender, economic status, and the place they have in their family. The descriptive parts about the traditional lifestyle and believes and the way they changed because of everyday contact with modernity and western people were very interesting as well. As an anthropologist, I enjoyed the writing style because the author shows many nuances and details that are of major importance, but some books about similar topics fail to present in a clear way. For example, Azad talks a lot about the cultural consequences of colonialism, as embracing some western manners was an important symbol of status and played a fundamental role in social acceptance. The relationship between Yasmin and Penny was interesting for me because they were very close and shared many things, but their friendship was influenced by a colonial social structure as well. That is why Yasmin was supposed to pronounce "yacht" correctly, know how to eat meat with cutlery, and have a bike, but Penny and her family were not interested at all in learning about Islamic traditions or why she behaved differently as if she was just being childish. Thus, in those "intercultural moments" there was no reciprocity, but a sense of superiority. It is also important that the author mentioned the concept of being "civilized" and how it was used throughout her education when her Irish teachers wanted the students to act more westernized or when her mother wanted her to be different than her relatives from a village. I also liked that, close to the ending, the author explains that the contradictions between modernity and tradition also meant that women had to choose between their individual aspirations and the collective expectations and duties that were important for their families and communities. This is a discussion that every conservative society has to deal with and I believe the complexities of it are usually silenced by the aim for progress. There is not an easy answer to that dilemma, and Azad managed to express it in a great and understandable way. Another positive element is that her perspective presented the cultural causes and consequences of some practices, but did not demonize or idealized any of them. For instance, it was clear that families secluded their girls because they cared about their reputation and future but it was also problematic and led some women to make choices that they later regretted. This was a great read and I recommend it.
What I did not like: I would have wanted to read a couple of chapters or at least an epilogue that explores Yasmin's life after high school and how her family, especially her dad, dealt with that. Also, I did enjoy the descriptions and explanations of the traditional Islamic lifestyle in Ceylon, but if someone is looking for an exciting plot that keeps you interested, this is not the right choice.
(I want to thank BookSirens, Perera Hussein Publishing House, and the author for this ARC, which I received in exchange for an honest review.)
December 27, 2025
What a delightful book! It’s written in the first person narrative of a girl growing up in a Muslim family. I laughed out loud so many times at her innocence and fair questions to negotiate her way around the rules of a strict religion.
Some of these norms around honour, the general fear of mothers and family members around what would happen or what would people say is common across religions.
This book describes Galle city from a distant past that sits comfortably over what exists today.
The Tamil words are retained in the story, making it authentic; connecting us with the culture and language of this town. I wonder why some words are different from the Tamil we speak here in India. Thatha for sister, nana for brother, etc.
Overall a beautiful book that gave me much pleasure.
Some quotes from the book that I liked:
If I could have learned Arabic without too much effort, I would have.
Comics explained life in America: boys who liked algebra and wore glasses could not find girlfriends; you could tell right away when someone was stood - their front teeth jutted out; the fair haired man was te good guy; bad guys had dark hair and thin moustaches.
In Ceylon, wearing a pair of trousers was a clothing style that set you apart from the “ordinary people”. So unspeakably powerful was this garb of the westernised, that some individuals did not even say its name. They referred to it in code. With one finger stretched out, or two, they queried in sign language, was the man an Eleven or a One?
I could read and write in this foreign language in ways he could not; I had moved away to a culture he could not negotiate - a culture, moreover, that thought less of him for this inability.
Where marriage was inconceivable, romance must be too.
Unreserved praise for other families was not the kind of foolishness a Fort person easily fell into.
It was never too early to let the word about a talent that would, when the time came, make them more desirable as brides.
If you don’t behave, I’ll marry you off to a husband from Shollai.
Daughters had to marry. Parents had to get rid of their komaru param, their maiden-burden, and some families had more than their fair share.
Zainafara Marmee once told me, reinforcing not only her reputation for being forthright, but also her wholehearted embrace of a deeply held belief in the community that if your relatives did not set you right, nobody else would.
My hem stitches, according to her, looked like insects of all different sizes running in all different directions.
Intentionally postponing marriage and therefore jeopardising the whole purpose of a maiden’s existence, was equally inconceivable.
For who could live up to the purity demanded of us?
Tamil words:
Kalavi komaru, an aged-maiden.
Othhumai - connection
Thannichal - aloneness
Ollikkiya - to hide, what a maiden is supposed to do to safeguard her modesty
Fitna (Arabic) - chaos
Dishes:
Muscat - a soft, pink fudge, dotted with cashews and dripping in ghee
Wattalapam - a dessert made of eggs, treacle and coconut milk
Elisha - mutton dish
Some of these norms around honour, the general fear of mothers and family members around what would happen or what would people say is common across religions.
This book describes Galle city from a distant past that sits comfortably over what exists today.
The Tamil words are retained in the story, making it authentic; connecting us with the culture and language of this town. I wonder why some words are different from the Tamil we speak here in India. Thatha for sister, nana for brother, etc.
Overall a beautiful book that gave me much pleasure.
Some quotes from the book that I liked:
If I could have learned Arabic without too much effort, I would have.
Comics explained life in America: boys who liked algebra and wore glasses could not find girlfriends; you could tell right away when someone was stood - their front teeth jutted out; the fair haired man was te good guy; bad guys had dark hair and thin moustaches.
In Ceylon, wearing a pair of trousers was a clothing style that set you apart from the “ordinary people”. So unspeakably powerful was this garb of the westernised, that some individuals did not even say its name. They referred to it in code. With one finger stretched out, or two, they queried in sign language, was the man an Eleven or a One?
I could read and write in this foreign language in ways he could not; I had moved away to a culture he could not negotiate - a culture, moreover, that thought less of him for this inability.
Where marriage was inconceivable, romance must be too.
Unreserved praise for other families was not the kind of foolishness a Fort person easily fell into.
It was never too early to let the word about a talent that would, when the time came, make them more desirable as brides.
If you don’t behave, I’ll marry you off to a husband from Shollai.
Daughters had to marry. Parents had to get rid of their komaru param, their maiden-burden, and some families had more than their fair share.
Zainafara Marmee once told me, reinforcing not only her reputation for being forthright, but also her wholehearted embrace of a deeply held belief in the community that if your relatives did not set you right, nobody else would.
My hem stitches, according to her, looked like insects of all different sizes running in all different directions.
Intentionally postponing marriage and therefore jeopardising the whole purpose of a maiden’s existence, was equally inconceivable.
For who could live up to the purity demanded of us?
Tamil words:
Kalavi komaru, an aged-maiden.
Othhumai - connection
Thannichal - aloneness
Ollikkiya - to hide, what a maiden is supposed to do to safeguard her modesty
Fitna (Arabic) - chaos
Dishes:
Muscat - a soft, pink fudge, dotted with cashews and dripping in ghee
Wattalapam - a dessert made of eggs, treacle and coconut milk
Elisha - mutton dish
April 12, 2023
`All this reading and writing. They will neglect their household duties and turn away from prayer. They may even…stuff love letters into mango seeds and throw them over the back wall. Then what will we do.’
For Yasmin hitting puberty means being ‘brought inside’, the end of cycle rides with her friend Penny, reading The Bobbsey Twins and End Blyton, trips to the beach…
‘One by one, those friends had become ‘big’ and vanished into their houses, never to play outside again…’
Yasmin Azad was one of the first group of girls in her Muslim community in Sri Lanka to go away to university. Stay Daughter tells the story of her childhood growing up in a tight knit Muslim community in Galle Fort, Sri Lanka. This is a community held together by its unique geography, underpinned by strictly adhered faith and traditions. Life is punctuated by religious festival and observation, the learning of the Quran (or not in Yasmin’s case as she neglects her studies) fasting at Ramadan, weddings, the celebration of birth and puberty, as well as attending school, playing with friends, visiting relatives..learning the skills for married life..
The story Yasmin paints is of a community struggling to retain its integrity in the face of change - the influences and freedoms of the modern world and the ‘Parangi’ (person of European descent. Whilst Yasmin’s Father, Wappah, sells his jewellery to rich cruise ship visitors, he resists the foreign influences on his beloved only daughter. Yasmin. He has to be persuaded to send herto school, to purchase a bike, a bathing suit. Each time he concedes from a mixture of love and a desire to be seeing to be doing the best for her and each time we feel a sense of something slowly shifting …This shifting, whilst slow, feels seismic bringing change that isn’t always easy for the community to absorb or cope with…
Reading like a novel, richly lyrical with beautiful descriptions and incredible depictions of the author’s family, this story is a wonderful and fascinating read. A little time capsule forever encapsulating a place and time, these memories are infused with humour, colour and joy. I particularly loved reading about Wappah: the rituals he performs before driving his car; his utter conviction that he knows the ways of the Parangi and his use of the English language -
‘You should have told Dr Perera that the Muslims follow the lunar calendar not the lunatic calendar.’
Inevitably Wappah’s children are heading towards the future at a faster rate than him and whilst this is at times hilarious, at others it is deeply poignant
‘I had moved away to a culture he could to negotiate - a culture ..that though less of him for this inability. Was I in danger of thinking less of him too?’
May 15, 2020
Author Yasmin Azad recounts her childhood growing up in Ceylon, now modern-day Sri Lanka, and how she and her family wrestle with maintaining traditional customs as the culture around them slowly changes. Most notably, she writes about the advanced education of girls in their Muslim community, and the Christian customs that trickle in and influence their evolving viewpoints.
Her father, Wappah, is considered a devoted patriarch who looks out for all of the women in his family. Though he’s overprotective, he has a special bond with the author. He had always wanted a daughter, and so he tends to frequently cave to her wishes as a result. Whether it’s buying her comics, fancy earrings, or a bicycle, his desire to please her comes in opposition to his desire to protect her from the dangerous gossip or situations that could ruin her chances of marrying young and well. Azad takes the reader from her childhood to adulthood, working in her subversive female family history and friendships to illustrate how she is able to break through the barriers of her culture to become something more than a young, submissive wife.
Opinion:
Stay, Daughter is a really interesting look at Muslim culture that breaks down the author’s story in a very literary way. She works in the rules and customs of her culture in a narrative formative, rather than spurting dry facts and emotionless situations. She also takes pride in her heritage while working in its injustices toward women, something many cultures can attest to. Because of this, she’s never judgmental of her culture as she is curious about how she can conform without losing herself in the process.
Young Yasmin understands the privileges she has over her older female relatives, while still shooting for more freedoms without disgracing her family’s reputation. She’s inquisitive and thoughtful about how to grow up in this society that keeps pre-teen girls from going outside until a marriage can be arranged but still lets them go to school to further their education with an understanding of the benefits it brings to a young wife who knows how to speak English and can better follow instructions in a cookbook.
Stay, Daughter can be a little dense and wordy at times, but reader attention always returns as a new topic comes up or a new story is told. I recommend this book to anyone who loves memoirs, finds it interesting and helpful to learn about other cultures, and loves stories about women who subvert the expectations of their culture to become something more than what they are expected to be.
I received a copy for an honest review.
Her father, Wappah, is considered a devoted patriarch who looks out for all of the women in his family. Though he’s overprotective, he has a special bond with the author. He had always wanted a daughter, and so he tends to frequently cave to her wishes as a result. Whether it’s buying her comics, fancy earrings, or a bicycle, his desire to please her comes in opposition to his desire to protect her from the dangerous gossip or situations that could ruin her chances of marrying young and well. Azad takes the reader from her childhood to adulthood, working in her subversive female family history and friendships to illustrate how she is able to break through the barriers of her culture to become something more than a young, submissive wife.
Opinion:
Stay, Daughter is a really interesting look at Muslim culture that breaks down the author’s story in a very literary way. She works in the rules and customs of her culture in a narrative formative, rather than spurting dry facts and emotionless situations. She also takes pride in her heritage while working in its injustices toward women, something many cultures can attest to. Because of this, she’s never judgmental of her culture as she is curious about how she can conform without losing herself in the process.
Young Yasmin understands the privileges she has over her older female relatives, while still shooting for more freedoms without disgracing her family’s reputation. She’s inquisitive and thoughtful about how to grow up in this society that keeps pre-teen girls from going outside until a marriage can be arranged but still lets them go to school to further their education with an understanding of the benefits it brings to a young wife who knows how to speak English and can better follow instructions in a cookbook.
Stay, Daughter can be a little dense and wordy at times, but reader attention always returns as a new topic comes up or a new story is told. I recommend this book to anyone who loves memoirs, finds it interesting and helpful to learn about other cultures, and loves stories about women who subvert the expectations of their culture to become something more than what they are expected to be.
I received a copy for an honest review.
December 25, 2022
"At least that was the case for most komarus, before the wall of seclusion that stood between a young girl and the world outside began to weaken and crack in ways it had never done before." Despite being really interested in the topic—how young Muslim women negotiate the gendered restrictions placed upon them in a rapidly changing world—I found Stay, Daughter a difficult-to-like book. I read it slowly, and put it down multiple times because it lacks structure with a dream-like quality of disconnected memories. It really needed a strong editor to pull together a narrative from the memories, and for the memoir's author, Yasmin Azad, to actually take a position on the restrictions imposed upon her in a rapidly modernising Galle Fort. Instead you get emotionless statements like: "I was twelve years old, and I had been 'brought inside'".
"One by one, those friends had become 'big' and vanished into their houses, never to play outside again, never to walk the roads during the daylight hours," sounds like something the narrator might rail against. However in this book the reader is left to pull out bite-sized moments and imagine how it might feel to hear lines like: "they say in heaven, the men are forty and the girls are sixteen!" I wanted much more to be made of ideas that while physical doorways could "be blocked off with thick black cloth" there were pathways that "occurred inside the minds of girls exposed to foreign ideas" that were not able to be blocked.
There was also an enticing hint about the current paradox that "while more women have left behind traditional roles, large sections of the community have turned back to conservative, even fundamentalist practices." However once again, no emotion or investment from Azad on what that feels like or even which camp she sits in today after the memories spanning the 1870s to the late 1960s that she shared.
With thanks to NetGalley and Swift Press for sending me a copy to read.
"One by one, those friends had become 'big' and vanished into their houses, never to play outside again, never to walk the roads during the daylight hours," sounds like something the narrator might rail against. However in this book the reader is left to pull out bite-sized moments and imagine how it might feel to hear lines like: "they say in heaven, the men are forty and the girls are sixteen!" I wanted much more to be made of ideas that while physical doorways could "be blocked off with thick black cloth" there were pathways that "occurred inside the minds of girls exposed to foreign ideas" that were not able to be blocked.
There was also an enticing hint about the current paradox that "while more women have left behind traditional roles, large sections of the community have turned back to conservative, even fundamentalist practices." However once again, no emotion or investment from Azad on what that feels like or even which camp she sits in today after the memories spanning the 1870s to the late 1960s that she shared.
With thanks to NetGalley and Swift Press for sending me a copy to read.
June 13, 2020
“We did not stay in our houses. Not in the way our grandmothers had, or our mothers. We went out a little more and veiled ourselves a little less.”
Azad wrote this striking memoir of her Muslim girlhood in 1960s Sri Lanka, where her bourgeois family and other Muslim families like hers balance between western influences and traditional family values. Azad paints a striking portrait of Sri Lankan culture and the Sri Lankan Muslim community, incorporating details about food, language and customs. She sets the scene well and shows how daughters might not always see their family duty the same way their parents and grandparents do. I rate Stay, Daughter 4.5/5 stars.
Although Azad’s telling makes her childhood home come to life in full-color, the reader is granted no more than guarded glances of Azad’s thoughts and feelings during her time as a komaru, an unwed girl hiding from the outside world.
Of course the author of any memoir is free to choose how much they disclose of their most intimate thoughts and feelings. However, some pivotal events happen near the end of the book, and are touched upon lightly. As a reader, I will wonder exactly how Azad felt when
The ending of the book was touching, All in all I truly enjoyed reading this book, and the perspectives it offers. Contemporary literature needs more books about Muslim women like this.
I received a free copy of this book from BookSirens in exchange for an honest review.
Azad wrote this striking memoir of her Muslim girlhood in 1960s Sri Lanka, where her bourgeois family and other Muslim families like hers balance between western influences and traditional family values. Azad paints a striking portrait of Sri Lankan culture and the Sri Lankan Muslim community, incorporating details about food, language and customs. She sets the scene well and shows how daughters might not always see their family duty the same way their parents and grandparents do. I rate Stay, Daughter 4.5/5 stars.
Although Azad’s telling makes her childhood home come to life in full-color, the reader is granted no more than guarded glances of Azad’s thoughts and feelings during her time as a komaru, an unwed girl hiding from the outside world.
Of course the author of any memoir is free to choose how much they disclose of their most intimate thoughts and feelings. However, some pivotal events happen near the end of the book, and are touched upon lightly. As a reader, I will wonder exactly how Azad felt when
The ending of the book was touching, All in all I truly enjoyed reading this book, and the perspectives it offers. Contemporary literature needs more books about Muslim women like this.
I received a free copy of this book from BookSirens in exchange for an honest review.
April 19, 2023
Yasmin's story gives an interesting and, at times heartbreaking, insight into what it was like for a muslim girl growing up in Sri Lanka when the influences, and freedoms, experienced in Western Society were affecting how some Muslim girls viewed the cultural restrictions that were imposed on them.
I found this a very thought provoking read as there were many aspects I found highly commendable within their culture, including the way that families, both close and extended, were supported and looked after throughout their lives.
Yasmin, in a lot of respects, was fortunate that she was in a forward thinking environment as her Umma and Wappah did allow her to play with Penny, a Christian of Dutch Burgher descent and spend time with her family taking part in their Westernised activities until she was 12 years old. However, when she suddenly had to go " indoors" at the age of twelve I was heartbroken for her as it must have felt like being imprisoned with all the restrictions she then experienced, plus losing her best friend, whilst trying to fit in with the requirements of the Muslim way of life.
Fortunately, for Yasmin, she was allowed to continue her education at her all girls school and I was so excited for her when her parents did agree to let her go to University.
One of the thoughts I will take away from this book is how lucky Yasmin was to have the parents she had, as they both wanted the best for their daughter.
This is a book that should be on reading lists everywhere and one I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to read. Definitely a 5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 read
May 13, 2023
Beautiful, sensitively written, coming of age memoir. Told largely through the eyes of an innocent child and her experiences growing up in 1950'2/60's Ceylon(now known as Sri Lanka) as a female in a large, extended and Muslim family.
With vivid and descriptive narrative. Yasmin takes her reader on an emotional and often turbulent journey. Highlighting the importance of her religion, respect and family traditions. At a time when women weren't treated equally, are subjected to little freedom, limited education, no prospects and a life of servitude in an arranged marriage.
Yasmin tells of her struggles being brought up in Galle Fort (a colonial stronghold). Where a wide range of cultures with a more froward-thinking and generous father. But a mother who is staunchly religious, with little patience and a growing frustration for Yasmin's desire for freedom and education.
It's a well-balanced and strongly emotive, absorbing and insightful look at a country and religion that is constantly changing and growing. Posing the very real questions and dilemmas of how to maintain faith, tradition, religion, expectation and family bonds. Whilst adapting to, merging with and balancing the sometimes unwelcome but inevitable changes and pressures that present themselves as a result of a varied, mixed and more unified and tolerant society.
It is a great read for memoir lovers and those wishing to know more about Sri-Lanka's history, culture and religion.
With vivid and descriptive narrative. Yasmin takes her reader on an emotional and often turbulent journey. Highlighting the importance of her religion, respect and family traditions. At a time when women weren't treated equally, are subjected to little freedom, limited education, no prospects and a life of servitude in an arranged marriage.
Yasmin tells of her struggles being brought up in Galle Fort (a colonial stronghold). Where a wide range of cultures with a more froward-thinking and generous father. But a mother who is staunchly religious, with little patience and a growing frustration for Yasmin's desire for freedom and education.
It's a well-balanced and strongly emotive, absorbing and insightful look at a country and religion that is constantly changing and growing. Posing the very real questions and dilemmas of how to maintain faith, tradition, religion, expectation and family bonds. Whilst adapting to, merging with and balancing the sometimes unwelcome but inevitable changes and pressures that present themselves as a result of a varied, mixed and more unified and tolerant society.
It is a great read for memoir lovers and those wishing to know more about Sri-Lanka's history, culture and religion.
June 29, 2020
This book was written by a friend I met in a writing workshop in Boston. I really enjoyed this glimpse into the life of a Muslim girl growing up in Sri Lanka. Yasmin was given the freedom of an education, unlike most girls at that time and a few other freedoms that were rare such as friendship with another girl who did not share her family's faith, the ability to ride a bike, and a chance to go outside to play until she was twelve and "taken inside" to be hidden from men.
One of my favorite things about this story was the depiction of Yasmin's father - he seemed to hold his own struggle between tradition and forging a new, modern way for his family. I particularly enjoyed his warmth toward those less fortunate than himself.
The beginning of the book was a little slow as I grasped the names of the main character's relatives, but once Yasmin was older and struggled between honoring her family and still receiving an education, I was intrigued by this book and wanted more. In the end, I wished to know more about how Yasmin came to be in the United States, and I wondered if some of the events in the story hadn't occurred whether her life would have probably turned out more like that of her relatives and friends.
I found Yasmin to be a talented writer when we workshopped together and it was a pleasure to read her final work.
One of my favorite things about this story was the depiction of Yasmin's father - he seemed to hold his own struggle between tradition and forging a new, modern way for his family. I particularly enjoyed his warmth toward those less fortunate than himself.
The beginning of the book was a little slow as I grasped the names of the main character's relatives, but once Yasmin was older and struggled between honoring her family and still receiving an education, I was intrigued by this book and wanted more. In the end, I wished to know more about how Yasmin came to be in the United States, and I wondered if some of the events in the story hadn't occurred whether her life would have probably turned out more like that of her relatives and friends.
I found Yasmin to be a talented writer when we workshopped together and it was a pleasure to read her final work.
May 17, 2020
Stay, Daughter
Yasmin Azad's Stay, Daughter is a profound account of the lives of Muslim women as they try to find their identity while negotiating the orthodoxy in Islam. Azad tries to convey that customs and beliefs should exist in equilibrium with modernity and individual freedom.
I am an Indian from Kerala, which makes much of this book’s contents—even the geography and food—familiar and relatable. Besides, I have many Muslim friends, who call their parents Wappah and Umma; observe pretty much the same rules; and love and respect their extended family as much.
Moreover, other than the religious observances, I too was expected to respect elders, behave with propriety, and a long list of such unwritten rules. Goes to show how similar a Hindu and Muslim household is!
The book portrays the experiences of growing up in a Muslim family in an enchanting, yet funny, manner. The descriptions of characters, locales, customs, and food are quite vivid. This is why although it sometimes seemed to drag, it was an enjoyable read.
Note: I received a free copy of this book from BookSirens in exchange for an honest review.
Yasmin Azad's Stay, Daughter is a profound account of the lives of Muslim women as they try to find their identity while negotiating the orthodoxy in Islam. Azad tries to convey that customs and beliefs should exist in equilibrium with modernity and individual freedom.
I am an Indian from Kerala, which makes much of this book’s contents—even the geography and food—familiar and relatable. Besides, I have many Muslim friends, who call their parents Wappah and Umma; observe pretty much the same rules; and love and respect their extended family as much.
Moreover, other than the religious observances, I too was expected to respect elders, behave with propriety, and a long list of such unwritten rules. Goes to show how similar a Hindu and Muslim household is!
The book portrays the experiences of growing up in a Muslim family in an enchanting, yet funny, manner. The descriptions of characters, locales, customs, and food are quite vivid. This is why although it sometimes seemed to drag, it was an enjoyable read.
Note: I received a free copy of this book from BookSirens in exchange for an honest review.
November 29, 2020
This is a beautifully written Memoir and informative book. Yasmin Azad tells the story of growing up in a Muslim family in Sri Lanka. Yasmin Azad lives in a village where she also experiences non-Muslim friends and families. She shares her experiences without judging the events that took place. Yasmin Azad talks how Muslim cultures expectation that girls quit school at age 12 and prepare for becoming the wife of some yet to be selected young Muslim man which will be selected by his family.
She talks about how Young Muslim girl are expected to behave when they hit puberty as this becomes the dividing line between their relative freedom they have before puberty and in-house detention after puberty, followed by marriage and motherhood.
Yasmin Azad allows the reader a window into Muslim culture with heart wrenching accounting. This book is a story about generational changes and gives the reader a better understanding of the differences between Muslim life and western culture which eventually began changing long time Muslim traditions.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
She talks about how Young Muslim girl are expected to behave when they hit puberty as this becomes the dividing line between their relative freedom they have before puberty and in-house detention after puberty, followed by marriage and motherhood.
Yasmin Azad allows the reader a window into Muslim culture with heart wrenching accounting. This book is a story about generational changes and gives the reader a better understanding of the differences between Muslim life and western culture which eventually began changing long time Muslim traditions.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
April 6, 2023
Just finished Stay, Daughter. What a beautiful book. Touches a very sensitive matter, the position of women in a Muslim society, and described with humour, through the innocent eyes of a child, it causes sadness to think how a way of thinking and behaving, leads to gender inequality. In our world, a young girl brought up behind closed doors and curtains, sounds so cruel.
The descriptions of places, people, habits, and traditions were so beautifully written it transfers you into the picture, and the book flows well, at no time did it become slow or boring.
The end was a relief, with the author managing to move forward and follow her dreams and it was a surprise as only at the end, did it confirm the girl as the author. It is written with the utmost respect, and love and sympathy towards the culture, a hint of nostalgia here and there, and doesn't criticise. I really enjoyed it, opened a window to a world, so far and yet so close to us, we sometimes only imagine and have stereotyped.
The descriptions of places, people, habits, and traditions were so beautifully written it transfers you into the picture, and the book flows well, at no time did it become slow or boring.
The end was a relief, with the author managing to move forward and follow her dreams and it was a surprise as only at the end, did it confirm the girl as the author. It is written with the utmost respect, and love and sympathy towards the culture, a hint of nostalgia here and there, and doesn't criticise. I really enjoyed it, opened a window to a world, so far and yet so close to us, we sometimes only imagine and have stereotyped.
August 21, 2024
Stay, Daughter is the fascinating depiction of growing up Muslim and female in what is now Sri Lanka in the 1950's, from someone who was able to "get out" in adulthood (not a spoiler; it's on the dust jacket). Just hearing about everyday life... what was acceptable, what was necessary, what was forbidden, is so different from what everyone I know experienced that I could not put it down. Even my husband, who usually does not like me trying to read passages from or make random comments about what I am reading, was interested.
It's not a romance. It's not an adventure. But, it held my interest from start to finish. My only complaint is that I wish the author had gone into a lot more detail on school in her teen years, and how she was able to persuade her family to let her attend university. That is only glossed over in very general terms.
It's not a romance. It's not an adventure. But, it held my interest from start to finish. My only complaint is that I wish the author had gone into a lot more detail on school in her teen years, and how she was able to persuade her family to let her attend university. That is only glossed over in very general terms.
May 8, 2021
Excellent writing, an absorbing story
This memoir hit all the marks as far as good memoir goes - an absorbing story, strong emotions, insights into her changing attitudes and a well-balanced point of view (no good guy/bad guy stuff.) She covered a
life that is so different from mine that I found every detail absorbing. This is basically a coming-of-age memoir of a young Muslim girl being raised in a traditional Muslim home of the 1960's in Sri Lanka. I felt
the love of her strong extended family. And the quandary of how to maintain those strong bonds as the world around us changes is a question not only for Muslims but many people today. I hope she writes another one bringing us to the woman she is today.
This memoir hit all the marks as far as good memoir goes - an absorbing story, strong emotions, insights into her changing attitudes and a well-balanced point of view (no good guy/bad guy stuff.) She covered a
life that is so different from mine that I found every detail absorbing. This is basically a coming-of-age memoir of a young Muslim girl being raised in a traditional Muslim home of the 1960's in Sri Lanka. I felt
the love of her strong extended family. And the quandary of how to maintain those strong bonds as the world around us changes is a question not only for Muslims but many people today. I hope she writes another one bringing us to the woman she is today.
November 9, 2022
'Stay Daughter' by Yasmin Azad is a memoir of the author's childhood growing up in Galle Fort on the south west tip of Sri Lanka. During her childhood and adolecence Azad wrestled with the desire to become an educated woman while still remaining an acceptable member of her traditional community.
Filled with love and restpect for her family and an understanding, rather than a complete rejection, of why the rules for girls were the way they were, Azad's beautiful memoir provides insight into a subject that only a first-hand account could.
I would say that the whole book is missing a little bit of structure - things that are hinted at aren't given the weight that they should be while more interesting story threads are dropped as the author doesn't have all the facts. At times this leads to a dream-like quality in the writing that I didn't always enjoy, I would have preferred more structure.
Overall, this memoir shines a light at a small corner of the earth in the midst of change. It's a little bit lacking in structure but the book makes up for this with insight and honesty.
Filled with love and restpect for her family and an understanding, rather than a complete rejection, of why the rules for girls were the way they were, Azad's beautiful memoir provides insight into a subject that only a first-hand account could.
I would say that the whole book is missing a little bit of structure - things that are hinted at aren't given the weight that they should be while more interesting story threads are dropped as the author doesn't have all the facts. At times this leads to a dream-like quality in the writing that I didn't always enjoy, I would have preferred more structure.
Overall, this memoir shines a light at a small corner of the earth in the midst of change. It's a little bit lacking in structure but the book makes up for this with insight and honesty.
November 25, 2022
Stay, Daughter a Memoir of a Muslim Girlhood by Yasmin Azad is a unique insight into the life of Muslims in a timespan from the 1870s to the late 1960s.
This book is a must-read for everyone with racial and religious prejudice. It is about feminism, emancipation, and how a slight change can have a big impact on such a traditional environment. I learn so many things and I think it is very important to know more. To understand. Because time changes and questions about what girls and women can are still very actual.
Thank you NetGalley and Swift Press for this opportunity to write a review for this amazing book!
This book is a must-read for everyone with racial and religious prejudice. It is about feminism, emancipation, and how a slight change can have a big impact on such a traditional environment. I learn so many things and I think it is very important to know more. To understand. Because time changes and questions about what girls and women can are still very actual.
Thank you NetGalley and Swift Press for this opportunity to write a review for this amazing book!
May 12, 2020
What an honest, compassionate and humorous memoir! I learned so much about life in Sri Lanka in the 1950's and 1960's from the viewpoint of a young Muslim girl coming of age during changing times. A personal story about a specific time and place, yet so universal. Yasmin Azad lovingly brings her many family members to life. I wish I could have met them. I feel like I have!
September 15, 2021
One of the best SL writers. Beautifully written - the tone is empathetic, while being straight-forward. The descriptions of smells were amazingly vivid and almost tangible! The narrative flows well. It is an insider's view, non judgmental, with as much sympathy for the outside as within.
December 13, 2022
If you want to read a beautiful memoir about growing up as a woman in a muslim culture in the 1940s and 1950s, look no further! This is the book for you!
The entire review is available on my blog:
https://readfinebooks.com/2022/12/13/...
The entire review is available on my blog:
https://readfinebooks.com/2022/12/13/...
July 21, 2025
Azad's writing is absolutely stunning! She used her words to convey the inner and outer turmoil of a muslim girl trying to negotiate her yearning for freedom with the constrictions placed upon her by her culture perfectly.
February 28, 2020
Unputdownable... a thoroughly enjoyable read. Very insightful and well written!
January 23, 2022
Loved every minute of this book. Yasmin Azad you took me through a vivid journey of your life that I will never forget!
January 12, 2023
Could not finish this book. My time's too precious for reading boring unconnected stories.
May 18, 2025
We did not stay in our houses. Not in the way our grandmothers had, or our mothers. We went out a little more and veiled ourselves a little less. Some of us longed for more learning and dreamed about leaving home to get it. The elders shook their heads and cautioned: too much education could ruin a girl's future.
Such beautiful immersive writing, vividly evoking what it was like to grow up as a Muslim girl in 1950s-60s Sri Lanka. The individual ways that the author's parents balanced tradition and modernity were particularly poignant. Her father doted on her, eventually giving in and buying her things like a bike and a swimming costume with the excuse that it was acceptable because she wasn't a "big girl" yet. And I loved the line about her mother having "a sneaking regard for the Parangi [European] tradition of being left alone."
Sequestering girls and women inside their houses is just such a strange (and depressing) concept, and my brain kept snagging on the practicalities as well as the sheer waste. The book became less compelling after Yasmin was "brought inside", with years slipping by between events -- which emphasises how bleak and monotonous those years were. The description of those "listless days" of quiet resignation was heartbreaking. She doesn't talk much about how she felt or coped, which again pretty much says it all.
Umma came up and put a hand on my shoulder. 'After some time, everybody gets used to being brought inside,' she said. 'I don't know any girl who hasn't.'
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