What Happened to Daddy's Body?: Explaining what happens after death in words very young children can understand

by Elke Barber, Alex Barber

My daddy died when I was (one...two...) three years old. Today we are out in the garden. It always makes me think about my daddy because he LOVED his garden. Sometimes, I wonder what happened to my daddy's body... This picture book aims to help children aged 3+ to understand what happens to the body after someone has died. Through telling the true story of what happened to his daddy's body, we follow Alex as he learns about cremation, burial and spreading ashes. Full of questions written in Alex's own words, and with the gentle, sensitive and honest answers of his mother, this story will reassure any young child who might be confused about death and what happens afterwards. It also reiterates the message that when you have experienced the loss of a loved one, it is okay to be sad, but it is okay to be happy, too.

Genres: Death, Picture Books, Nonfiction, Childrens, Grief, Kids, Family

40 pages, Paperback

First published October 31, 2014

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

An ideal book to read with young children who have lost a family member. It’s from the perspective of four-year-old Alex, whose father has recently died. His mother explains what happened at his father’s cremation service and also what happens to bodies when they’re buried. I wasn’t a huge fan of the font or illustration style (especially the almost abstract faces), but the colors are nice. Of course, it’s the message that counts here, and Elke Barber has turned her own story of widowhood and remarriage into a lovely, heartbreaking but necessary book for bereaved children. You can tell this is from a British perspective because cremation is considered the norm and is given more time. An American version would shift the balance towards burial.

[Bruce Gargoyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a digital copy of this title from the publisher via Netgalley.

Ten Second Synopsis:
A sensitive and interesting look at what happens to the body after death, in an age-appropriate context.

If you've ever come across (or birthed) a child who is inquisitive about topics around which there are a dearth of helpful information books, then today is your lucky day. This is the first picture book I have ever come across that details the various (Western) burial practices in child-appropriate context, but I can safely say I reckon it's probably the best. Far from being a morbid, creepy investigation into decomposition, the book sensitively addresses the perfectly natural question of what happens to the body of that person that we loved and has now disappeared from sight through death.

The water-colour-style illustrations are absolutely gorgeous and really add a sense of warmth and growth to the proceedings, with a subtle subtext of nature appearing in many of the images. The text itself is quite conversational, as mother and children chat back and forth about their memories of the father's funeral and what went on. As well as explicitly discussing things like cremation and burial, the book also touches on the grieving process and how each person involved can be made comfortable by having a share in discussions about creating memories and milestones.

I got the feeling while reading this that it might actually make a far more useful teaching tool if presented just as a general reading book, rather than a specifically grief-linked reader. There is plenty of information in here that is interesting, thought-provoking and just pretty useful to know, whether or not a child has had a recent experience of grief. It would certainly make a unique addition to any classroom unit focusing on natural processes, or diverse family contexts.

Overall, I am heartily impressed with this picture book, although a title change might be an idea, if only to stop people from silently asking "WTF?" on first coming across it.

[Novelesque Life · Rating 3 out of 5]

WHAT HAPPENED TO DADDY'S BODY?: Explaining What Happens After Death in Words Very Young Children Can Understand
Written by Elke and Alex Barber
Illustrations by Anna Jacobs
JULY 21, 2016; 40 Pages
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Genre: death, loss, grieving, families, children's book, picture book

(I received an ARC from the NETGALLEY in exchange for an honest review.)

★★★

Alex is 4 years old and lives with his sister and mother. His father has died and Alex wonders what happened to his father's physical form. His mother explains after his father died he was put into a coffin and was cremated...and that you can also bury a body and have a headstone. The main message in this story is that "it is okay to be sad, but it is okay to be happy, too". I liked how the writers broke it down and explained it in a way a 4 year old would understand death and what happens after. I was not crazy about the artwork which took a bit away from the story. A little issue I had with the story - and this is just my opinion - was that there was a step-family introduced so quickly to the end of the story. I just didn't see how it fit in with the timeline and story. While I like the main message of the book, I don't think this is a book I would recommend to my own niece (who has lost a parent). The issue of a new parent and siblings seems a bit too much overload on a child when you are trying to get over one hurdle and not increase anxiety. I would have saved John and his five kids for a later books on step-families.

[Wayne McCoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

'What Happened to Daddy's Body?: Explaining what happens after death in words very young children can understand' by Elke Barber and Alex Barber delivers well on it's very long subtitle.

Alex Barber lost his father when he was three years old. He wondered what happened to his father's body. This book is the process he and his younger sister went through and how his mother explained things. It's told in a very straightforward manner, and while the story is very specific, I can see how this would be helpful for other children.

I like that it's based on true events (though not that Alex lost his father). I really like that this sort of book exists for young children. I appreciate the work that Jessica Kingsley Publishers does in printing works like this. This is an excellent and accessible way to approach the subject with young children who have lost a parent.

I received a review copy of this ebook from Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you for allowing me to review this ebook.

[Carla · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a followup book to "Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute". In this book Alex asks his mom what happened to his daddy's body. It is a year after his father died and he is wondering what happened to his body. In simple words that a child will be able to understand his mother explains about cremation and even lets Alex touch the ashes. Another year passes and Alex, his mother and sister spread his daddy's ashes. He and his sister also get to keep a small amount of ashes in a vial as well as putting some in a pot with dirt and planting a tree. Mommy uses a walk in the woods to explain about disintegration of bodies that get buried and how they will help plants grow. A very tasteful, easy to understand story for young children. This would be a great book for families that have lost a loved one as well as for counselors to use with children.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Donna Maguire · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was interested to see how the subject of a father passing would be addressed in this book. The only thing I wasn't too keen on was they style of text used as it didn't make it that easy to read. Also not sure if I would recommend a child drawing pictures with their fingers in their fathers ashes, but the rest of the book handles the subject very well.

[Sian D · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was looking forward to reading this picture book after reading the first book "Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute?: Explaining (sudden) Death in Words Very Young Children Can Understand" and thinking it was incredible. In comparison, this book about Alex learning about what happens to bodies after death is not as inclusive, but is still a good stand-alone book.
A year after his father's death, Alex learns about cremation and burial from his mother. He also learns about Christian burial traditions (albeit they are not described as such). He is hesitant to release his father's ashes, but is comforted by his mother who gives him some in a small jar and helps him plant a tree.
Alex's mother's new partner is introduced in this book, as well as the man's children (although their relationship to him is not explained, which is a bit confusing - I found out their relationship in the prologue of the book). Although I understand this book was published when Alex was older, and the man was now his step-dad, and established member of the family, I didn't think it was necessary to include him in this story. I think that this made the picture book about too many large topics, which could overwhelm children who are grieving. I think it would be better if introducing new partners after a parent has died would be better in a different book- perhaps another one in the series.
I thought this was a sensitive book that described what happens to bodies after death well. I really enjoyed the pictures, and was surprised that many people giving reviews did not like them. I love the use of watercolours, and think Anna Jarvis is a great illustrator.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first I was a little taken aback by this topic. It's a little straightforward for children and I was expecting it to be a little more vague on the topic. By the end, though, I liked it and the fact that it's a true story. It was a way for a mother to explain the loss of a father to her children.

[Margaux · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely one of those "blunt death books," which I think are completely apropriate when you have a child asking questions. I believe this one was a crowdfunded endeavor.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect. Good illustrations, great explanations.

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read plenty of children's books on death and grief, but this is the first children's book on cremation and burial, and the physical part of dying that I've ever come across. And it's very well done.

Caitlin Doughty, who runs a YouTube Channel called "Ask a Mortician" and wrote the book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory, said that she was surprised at the kinds of questions she'd get from kids while on her book tour. Contrary to what you might think, kids don't just want to be told that “grandpa's in a better place,” they're going to want to know what happened to his dead body. Why put him in a box? Does getting burned into ashes hurt? (Check out this video where Caitlin goes into more detail on this subject.) So if someone you know has passed away, or if your kid sees a lot of death on the nightly news, you should probably be prepared for those kinds questions.

This book is based on the author’s own experience talking to her young son about his father’s death. I think books like this work best when they’re written by someone who’s lived through the hard topic (death, abuse, illness, etc.), rather than by an “expert.” The characters seem real because they are real. The content is age appropriate (for children 3-6). It doesn't go into the nitty gritty, complicated science of decomposition or cremation. The focus is on 1) cremation and burial don’t hurt, because dead bodies can’t feel, 2) death is natural and good for the planet (daddy’s ashes can help trees grow), and 3) it’s okay to be sad that daddy’s not here, but it’s also okay to be happy without him. That may not be the message you want sent to your kid during a conversation about death. But if it is, then this book will make a good addition to your home library. It is British, so if you live in the US or Canada you're probably going to have to buy it online.

My one criticism is that I’m not a huge fan of the illustrations. The faces are a little abstract... it’s just not my style. But I was able to get used to it after a few pages.

*NetGalley sent me an advanced reader’s copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

What Happened to Daddy's Body? by Elke Barber, Alex Barber is a children's nonfiction book about death of a loved one. It talks about cremation and burial. It is a simple and easy to understand, which makes it great for kids who have experienced death of a family member or loved one.

The main character is Alex who is 4 years old and lives with his sister and mother. His father has died and Alex wonders what happened to his father's physical body. His mother explains after his father died he was put into a coffin and was cremated. I liked how the writers broke the story down and explained cremation in a way a 4 year old would understand death and what happens after death.

I was not a fan of the artwork, which I felt took away from the story. A little issue I had with the story was that there was a step-family introduced so quickly to the end of the story. I did not see how it fit in with the timeline and the story. The issue of a new parent and siblings seems a bit too much overload on a child when they are trying to get over one hurdle and not increase anxiety. I would have saved John and his five kids for a later books on step-families.

I give this book 3/4 stars.

I received this book from Jessica Kingsley Publishers via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe I mentioned, when I reviewed the other book by this mother-son team, that there are a lot of books out there on death and dying, but this is the first I have seen on cremation, that explains what happens, and what it feels like to touch it.

Very gentle, peaceful story told by both the child and mother about cremation and how it feels and what to do with the ashes. Sweet story. I think it is wonderful that they used some of the ashes to nurture a tree that they had in a pot, so if they moved, they could take it with them.

Thanks to Netgalley for making this book available for an honest review.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book about a boy whose father died. It talks about what cremation is and how it differs from being buried. As the book progress you find more about the father, that he loved the garden and that he was a police officer. Towards the end we discover that his mom has a new friend, who isn't his dad and has kids of his own. Might be a good book for those kids that have lost a parent although I think that it would be hard to read that your father was burned into ashes at that young of an age.

[Rebecca Renea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the fun and colorful illustrations
It is definitely an British/English book with reference to words that aren't familiar to American kids but the story is meaningful and maybe even causes you to choke up a bit. As I am not a parent it is something I never considered that parents have to talk to kids about and it sounds rough! But it's a good guide for parents to reference and to read with their children for them to understand as well.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great way to talk about death of a loved one. It covers not just cremation (which the book is predominantly about), but also burial. It’s simple and easy to understand. I think it will work for many families and should be a required title in library collections.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those who want a non-religious (no mention of God or an after-life) story that explains death in kid-friendly terms, I think this book written by a widow and her young son provides a good, straight-forward explanation and offers hope for the family's future happiness even though the father is no longer around. It's never explained how the father died, which makes the story relatable to kids in many different circumstances, but instead focuses on the narrator's question of what happened to the body (in this case, the father was cremated and the mother uses an analogy to leaves to explain decomposition). Beautiful, emotive illustrations too.