I was warned of the tropes when i read it, i really wanted to know how an abuser would feel and how it may affect their life and will they be able to move on completely, this book taught me a lot as you won't rest unless your abuser has been punished severely on the things they have done to you, so no matter how years would pass this feeling of being trapped will follow you until you feel that your right has been taken back, nothing else is soothing even love would be hard sometimes and trust people would be hard, even you would be so disgusted with the abusive men, and here the story starts ,
Before i start with good and the perfect stuff i wanna mention the only thing that i wasn't so aligned with is the many love scene at the start of the book which i couldn't understand how fast was that but it was okay after finishing them everything else was just perfect and very amazing.
So now i'm really aware of how abuse can damage you in many ways, and not justthe physical abuse i'm talking about it is about every single type of abuse, a word can be abuse and act can be like this even a look from someone eyes, so let's be here for each other and take care of people who are in need for help and give them the freedom they really need.
Let's start with the story :
the story begins when that cafe owner has been abused in her past life who seems to be her step dad and now all she do is bake not only pastry she bakes the abusive men's member the one she kills the one she notice in her coffee every day in revenge of that one person who ruined her life and her nights who used to abuse her all the time, by killing them she could prepare for her most awaited kill and would she do it at the end you have to read to know , and as the police can't find a trace for that killer as they call him as they thought the ghost killer , the investigator of this case has always visited her to bring coffee and some pastry and both of them can't hide that they are interested in each other as the times goes by they just fall in love with each other and more than love they felt safe in the presence of the other they were able to be happy while being together, and as the investigation linger and her kills are just perfect and her method was just perfectly made that no one even knew who she was. but then her abuser came back and all he did was to threaten her to expose her as the killer to her lover and that when her fear seeps in but at the same time she knew her time is here for her t finish her pain and end her killing cycle would she be able to do it or would she be caught before it, i won't spoil more you need to read to know. and i can't say but the ending was perfect cz everyone deserves to live happily and have another chance to live a normal full of love and hope.
Let's move the characters :
Stella the main character an she is the strongest one i have ever read about, how she came over her abuse and started a new life with no one there for her, and she just has made it to revenge and save many women from their abusive men, she was there for them to free them from their misery, while also her being able to love again with no fear of being abused again which is a huge step for her, i really love how she did this so she can feel free.
nick the one who had a hard past and difficult life all he was thinking about would he be alone all of his life only working on cases that can't be close but it was all changed every time he entered her cafe and that was amazing how he stood by her he is a man of his word he was able to protect her all this time, even though he was a bit stupid not knowing she was the killer he was looking for but she was the perfect killer.
Aruthur the second character nick friend the one he had no wife anymore the one he was so miserable in many ways he was there for nick all the time as a brother and more and all i need now is a book about him really or a sequel at least his character deserves to be mentioned.
but let's say a last word about the book :
really the book was great and i really enjoyed it and how the killing has been preformed and how the investigation went everything was perfect, and for sure i have learned a lot from how abuse really change your life. nicely written.
so let's move on now to the quotes i really liked:
To anyone who has been a victim of childhood abuse: I see you, I believe you, and I am proud of you
For anyone who has been a victim of sexual assault: I see you, I believe you, and I am proud of you
For anyone who has been a victim of any type of abuse: I see you, I believe you, and I am proud of you
His pleasure became her biggest shame, her biggest fear. He didn’t care about her feelings. To him, she was just his prey. He would take what he wanted
At least I was always close to home, although sometimes I wish I could leave everything and run away, but I felt safe here and that was priceless
Bookshelves line one wall with books I will never read, but only say I will. It’s home to me
Nobody who hasn’t been there fully understands how much torture you can endure for love. Only sometimes, it’s more toxic than other times
Most people didn’t think about these women as if they were regular people. Instead, they just rolled their eyes and believed the stereotypes
When you have no one or no one who cares about you, though, it’s a feeling deep within the pit of your stomach that makes you feel sick and full of rage all at the same time
Making her wish she was dead. Making her wish she could kill him. Making her wish she was literally anywhere but here. He wouldn’t let her float to a different universe. Making sure she took the punishment, humiliation, and pain that rained around her until she was alone, and the nightmares resumed
I wish I could clear the dark from his mind and brighten everything, because he doesn’t deserve the dark. I question how deep my feelings are for this man when I’m wishing he doesn’t feel pain and darkness, because I’ve never felt this way before. Never have I cared about a male enough to give a shit about whether his life is dark
feel entirely too safe, and it scares me when I think about how much I have given to him without him even knowing. My heart is falling fast, and my soul is connecting with another soul in a way that doesn’t hurt. I feel the butterflies that come when his name lights up my phone. I feel like I can stop fighting my past and that scares me. It's so damn scary that another person can make me feel this way. I think, I think I may love him—if I have any idea what love is at all
She’s my shine in the dark life I lead and at night she’s my moon
Baby, it’s real and if I’m dreaming you, with your gorgeous red hair, blue eyes that stare into my soul, lips that bless me in more ways than one, then don’t wake me up. You’re the moon to my night and the sun to my day
Finally, I had the plan, the money, and the escape to leave this horrible house. This tomb of painful memories. These walls held too many ghosts. Mother didn’t save me back then, and I certainly didn’t need her to save me now
I rush into his arms, almost knocking him over. He embraces me tightly. Nick makes me feel safe, like the monsters can’t reach me when I’m in his arms. I don’t know what I would do if he found out I am a monster as well
I feel so helpless. I wish I could steal the darkness from her memories, tear out the parts that make her feel unsafe and uncomfortable, and fill her with only light
The darkness irritates me. I hate how he has the power to cut off my light
“I think you deserve better than me. I’ve thought a lot about it. I don’t deserve someone as kind as you, as thoughtful, as respectful. I think… I think that I’m just too broken. My pieces aren’t put together as much as you think. I think you deserve someone who can give you everything and be a whole. Not a broken person.
Stella, I love you You've become the moon that lights my nights and the sun that lights my days. You're the light in my dark life, and I don’t want this to end
Sometimes the broken things shine brighter and better than they did before
Maybe my only purpose in life was to clear the world of these monsters acting as humans
Until that man came in. With the blue kind eyes, the exhausted face, and the stubble lined jaw. I started to feel my heart unfreeze. I began to feel something inside of me that I’d never felt before
I wanted to get you something that reminds you that you’re my bright moon and my bright sun. You bring the brightness to my day, no matter what time it is
The clouds parted when we met and the sun shone down on both of us. Our relationship is the light in both our lives.
The running was done, I felt. I was safe in my apartment. I had my career, and I’d reached my goals. My soul felt empty, and my scars weren’t healing; they were hardening. I pushed forward, and I continued to clean the scum from the earth. In each one, I saw both their eyes raking over me. Each day was the same. Except for when the man with the blue eyes came in. The pastry man. We bonded and flirted. He actually wants me for more than just sex. He wants me to be safe, he wants me to be loved, he wants to comfort me. My heart is melting each day we’re together. I have never had another person make me feel safe. Is this love? I don’t know, because I’ve never really felt it
Little mouse, you’re a fucking sadistic bitch. I had no idea you had it in you. I’ve explored all of you and I never saw this darkness. You were always light
already gone, and as I touch his neck with my gloved hand, I feel no pulse. He’s dead, along with my childhood, the years of torture, the years of those watchful eyes, the need to look over my shoulder. I’ll never feel his gaze on me again. I can live my life without the constant fear. I feel tears slowly sliding down my face and I’m confused.
Until I realize I cry for the child that didn’t deserve what was handed to her. I cry for the child who was lost, tortured, and neglected. I distance myself from the scene, walking to the van as I cry for everything that child lost.
Every horrific thing that ever happened to her. I cry for my future, the relief of being free. The past and present intertwine as I weep for everything that ever was, everything that couldn’t be, and everything that will be.
I feel something crack inside me as I listen to that child within. The vulnerable side of myself telling me that we’re safe for the first time ever. That we can’t fix the past, but we can make the future as bright as possible
There’s a great weight lifted since I don’t have to be afraid anymore. I don’t fear the gaze anymore, and I don’t have to look over my shoulder. Evidently, my dreams didn’t get the message.
I don’t know how this happened. He’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been. I didn’t know life could be this way. He listens to me talk, and actually hears what I have to say. He believes I’m worth so much. He loves me for all my strengths and things I think are flaws. He holds me so gently and doesn’t hurt me
I feel so lucky to be here with him. I have what I’ve always wanted: safety, love, and freedom
This time, I didn’t have to imagine his face. It was there for me to torture. The many years he spent torturing me, the many years he made me afraid to live my life, the many years he hurt me. I finally got to watch him die.
I just wanted to escape him, and I thought I had, because I finally felt free here.” Keeping a mask over your face so you don’t make anyone else feel uncomfortable. I knew she was a tough girl, but I see the reasons now
I just didn’t want to be ashamed. I didn’t want you to think I was too broken for you to love. I’m sorry
Stella, I can accept your flaws. I can accept your dark humour, your sarcasm, and your inability to be on time
It does. The blue sapphires remind me of her eyes and the middle shines like the light she brings to my life
“Stella, I have all my fun when I’m with you. I don’t want to go home; I want to be wherever you are, because you feel like home.
My happily ever after has finally arrived. I went my entire life never knowing what love was, never expecting someone to love me through all my broken pieces
Something inside broke and I cried for the past. For the child I didn’t get to be. I cried for the needs I had that were never met. I cried for the parts of me that are forever broken. I cried for the woman forever changed by one person’s actions. I angrily cried over all the work I had to do for me to heal, while they didn’t fix anything.
I cried for the validation I never got. For the terror I always felt. For the flaws I now felt because of other’s actions. I cried for the person I would never be. I cried for the things I had lost I was committed to the number twenty-four.
I was sad for the twenty-four years I’d lost.
The years I had been tortured. Yet I was pleased with the twenty-four stab wounds. It seemed like the right amount of punishment for so many years of justice I would never see