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Halal Sex: The Intimate Lives of Muslim Women in North America
An unprecedented glimpse into the sex lives of female and gender-expansive Muslims living across Canada and the United States.
In the Muslim world, sex is permissible (or halal) only within the confines of marriage. Outside of wedlock, the act is considered haram, a sin of the faith. Girls are taught to protect their virginity; their mothers, if not forgoing "the talk" altogether, obscure the facts with elliptical language and metaphors.
So, what happens when immigrants and the children of immigrants set about pursuing an open and active sex life on a more sexually liberated continent, amid western peers and attitudes? The six deeply personal stories in Halal Sex attempt to answer this question, bringing a hushed conversation out into the open.
Within these pages you'll meet Azar, a non-binary trans Sufi; Bunmi, a Nigerian navigating shame and Tinder; Eman, a lesbian stand-up comic in an interfaith marriage; Taslim, a virgin in her forties struggling to erect healthy boundaries; and Khadijah, an exotic dancer and sex worker.
With great empathy, Sheima Benembarek makes space for the honesty and vulnerability of each participant and handles their stories with gentleness and care. What emerges is a tapestry of a diverse Islam--encompassing a wide variety of cultural and religious and socioeconomic backgrounds--and a frank, feminist contribution to the advancement of Muslim sexual education and pleasure.
In the Muslim world, sex is permissible (or halal) only within the confines of marriage. Outside of wedlock, the act is considered haram, a sin of the faith. Girls are taught to protect their virginity; their mothers, if not forgoing "the talk" altogether, obscure the facts with elliptical language and metaphors.
So, what happens when immigrants and the children of immigrants set about pursuing an open and active sex life on a more sexually liberated continent, amid western peers and attitudes? The six deeply personal stories in Halal Sex attempt to answer this question, bringing a hushed conversation out into the open.
Within these pages you'll meet Azar, a non-binary trans Sufi; Bunmi, a Nigerian navigating shame and Tinder; Eman, a lesbian stand-up comic in an interfaith marriage; Taslim, a virgin in her forties struggling to erect healthy boundaries; and Khadijah, an exotic dancer and sex worker.
With great empathy, Sheima Benembarek makes space for the honesty and vulnerability of each participant and handles their stories with gentleness and care. What emerges is a tapestry of a diverse Islam--encompassing a wide variety of cultural and religious and socioeconomic backgrounds--and a frank, feminist contribution to the advancement of Muslim sexual education and pleasure.
240 pages, Paperback
First published March 21, 2023
46 people are currently reading
1099 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 112 reviews
March 26, 2023
Some of the accounts were written in a way that ceased to be objective, which I stylistically and ethically disagree with. But I appreciated most of the underlying stories of the participants. Personally, I’m in agreement that Muslim societies are largely patriarchal and helped along by severely biased interpretations of holy texts primarily by men.
However, I take major issue with the author who seemingly has no theological background in Islam, casually declaring what is or is not Halal. You just don’t get to do that. I fully believe people are allowed to make decisions about their own lives and call themselves Muslims regardless of whether they follow the core tenets of the religion or not.
But to broad strokes decide to call something that even the most liberal interpretation of any Islamic holy texts could not justify as Halal is factually, ethically, morally incorrect, bordering on propaganda. The publishers of this book should reconsider how this otherwise perfectly readable and engaging collection of stories is being couched and labeled.
However, I take major issue with the author who seemingly has no theological background in Islam, casually declaring what is or is not Halal. You just don’t get to do that. I fully believe people are allowed to make decisions about their own lives and call themselves Muslims regardless of whether they follow the core tenets of the religion or not.
But to broad strokes decide to call something that even the most liberal interpretation of any Islamic holy texts could not justify as Halal is factually, ethically, morally incorrect, bordering on propaganda. The publishers of this book should reconsider how this otherwise perfectly readable and engaging collection of stories is being couched and labeled.
September 18, 2023
This book should be called haram sex since besides the first woman interviewed all the women in the book are engaged in premarital sex, which no matter how much you massage the sacred texts, you can't make it say that sex before marriage is allowed. The author keeps saying that "scholars" have looked into it and given different interpretations but those are never revealed. I don't think there's one verse from the Quran in the whole book. The attachment these women have to Islam seems to be very peripheral and many of them drink alcohol, skip fasting and neglect the prayer. Of course they are free to do that if they want but when you proudly break the rules that Allah has revealed it becomes harder to claim that you're Muslim.
Let me be clear: people always commit sins and that includes me. But I don't promote them or pretend that they are allowed in the religion. My struggle is fighting against those urges whatever they may be. I don't "reinterpret" the text so I can whatever I want and pretend that I am "revolutionary". Most of the book is just narcissism and individualism wrapped in the language of "liberation". Just as a last annoyance the author has to throw in that she has a glass of wine after finishing the book. Why do you need to include that? To prove you aren't "conservative"? Wouldn't recommend unless you too are doing a bad book month.
Let me be clear: people always commit sins and that includes me. But I don't promote them or pretend that they are allowed in the religion. My struggle is fighting against those urges whatever they may be. I don't "reinterpret" the text so I can whatever I want and pretend that I am "revolutionary". Most of the book is just narcissism and individualism wrapped in the language of "liberation". Just as a last annoyance the author has to throw in that she has a glass of wine after finishing the book. Why do you need to include that? To prove you aren't "conservative"? Wouldn't recommend unless you too are doing a bad book month.
December 9, 2022
4.5 - 5 stars
This collection was a thoughtful, tender, vulnerable, & human look into the lives and sex lives of six different Muslim women and nonbinary people. The author approached and reflected on each of the subjects with great empathy and understanding, allowing the readers into their worlds, and to share their perspectives, without judgment or bias. I enjoyed learning about all six subjects, and exploring their sexualities and their relationships with their faith, their families, and themselves. I saw so much of myself, and other women I love in them, and I learnt so much from them.
Each chapter was short and engaging, and Benembarek did a great job at pulling us in, and welcoming us into the lives of her subjects.
My only feedback is that I wish we’d gotten MORE! More from each of them, more stories, and especially more from and about the author. Benembarek did mention that unfortunately three of the subjects did drop out, pretty late into the process, which explains the shorter selection - but even these six stories were heartfelt and enough.
I can’t wait for other people to read this, and I can’t wait to read more from Sheima Benembarek!
This collection was a thoughtful, tender, vulnerable, & human look into the lives and sex lives of six different Muslim women and nonbinary people. The author approached and reflected on each of the subjects with great empathy and understanding, allowing the readers into their worlds, and to share their perspectives, without judgment or bias. I enjoyed learning about all six subjects, and exploring their sexualities and their relationships with their faith, their families, and themselves. I saw so much of myself, and other women I love in them, and I learnt so much from them.
Each chapter was short and engaging, and Benembarek did a great job at pulling us in, and welcoming us into the lives of her subjects.
My only feedback is that I wish we’d gotten MORE! More from each of them, more stories, and especially more from and about the author. Benembarek did mention that unfortunately three of the subjects did drop out, pretty late into the process, which explains the shorter selection - but even these six stories were heartfelt and enough.
I can’t wait for other people to read this, and I can’t wait to read more from Sheima Benembarek!
April 10, 2023
An eye-opening and incredibly important collection of stories gathered by Canadian Muslim journalist Sheima Benembarek that provides insight into (as the title states), the intimate lives of a select number of North American Muslim women (including one trans woman).
This book is groundbreaking because of how taboo sex is among the Muslim community and these women share the ways they resisted and found ways to embrace their sexuality even when it could have violent consequences if people were to found out.
For me these stories were so powerful because of their honesty and the way the women talk about how stifling it was at times trying to conform to ideals that didn't fit their desires. Topics included sex outside marriage, abortion, sex work, desire, transitioning and more.
Brave and much-needed, this is sure to be a well read collection that hopefully could inspire other Muslim women that their desires are natural and worth embracing even if their culture might tell them otherwise.
This book is groundbreaking because of how taboo sex is among the Muslim community and these women share the ways they resisted and found ways to embrace their sexuality even when it could have violent consequences if people were to found out.
For me these stories were so powerful because of their honesty and the way the women talk about how stifling it was at times trying to conform to ideals that didn't fit their desires. Topics included sex outside marriage, abortion, sex work, desire, transitioning and more.
Brave and much-needed, this is sure to be a well read collection that hopefully could inspire other Muslim women that their desires are natural and worth embracing even if their culture might tell them otherwise.
March 16, 2023
Thank you, NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada, for an arc in exchange for an honest review.
In six honest and transparent chapters, Halal Sex explores sexuality, culture, and religion through interviews with five women and a non-binary, trans individual. With chapters discussing purity culture, inter-faith marriage, healthy sexual relationships, kink and sex work, amongst many others.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a sex-positive nonfiction approach to navigating purity culture. Whether you are part of the religion or not, and even whether you grew up in 'purity culture' or not, I would still encourage the read as it is fascinating, welcoming and a good way to challenge your own biases and preconceptions around sex, feminity and religion as well as educate yourself.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read. I found the discussions of navigating, religion, culture and sexual desire intriguing and found every chapter to bring a unique experience to the table. Often times pushing back against my own ideas of sex and sexuality. I found the chapters to be both engaging and well-paced.
Overall a very enjoyable read.
In six honest and transparent chapters, Halal Sex explores sexuality, culture, and religion through interviews with five women and a non-binary, trans individual. With chapters discussing purity culture, inter-faith marriage, healthy sexual relationships, kink and sex work, amongst many others.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a sex-positive nonfiction approach to navigating purity culture. Whether you are part of the religion or not, and even whether you grew up in 'purity culture' or not, I would still encourage the read as it is fascinating, welcoming and a good way to challenge your own biases and preconceptions around sex, feminity and religion as well as educate yourself.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read. I found the discussions of navigating, religion, culture and sexual desire intriguing and found every chapter to bring a unique experience to the table. Often times pushing back against my own ideas of sex and sexuality. I found the chapters to be both engaging and well-paced.
Overall a very enjoyable read.
August 30, 2023
Fascinating. I initially picked this book up bc I think I am inherently nosy but I also ended up learning a lot. This was a collection of stories which is a format I really enjoyed.
March 23, 2023
Halal Sex by Sheima Benembarek
Is spectacular.
Each chapter follows women and non-binary people and their relationship with sex, and Islam. Each chapter is more interesting than the last. We met people who wear a niqab, and adore BDSM; a sex worker; lesbian couple; 40 year old virgins.
It is profoundly personal. Each person's relationship to sexuality and their faith. But the book remains inviting to the reader, as one understands that even if all these women, non-binary people share a faith, or immigrant experience, they all identify with sexuality differently. Their sexuality affects them religiously, personally, politically, and their family dynamic and it is a fascinating dive to explore in what ways have we too been impacted by sex and faith/or lack thereof.
What was very interesting is how the fear of sex, pregnancy and sex as being only for marriage was mirrored in their secular education system, or with non-Muslim friends. And explore the larger implications of sexism/racism in society and it’s intersectionality with sex.
This book is for anyone who enjoy sexuality literature, religious exploration and feminism. However a trigger warning for those dealing with sexual assault or body dismorphia.
Is spectacular.
Each chapter follows women and non-binary people and their relationship with sex, and Islam. Each chapter is more interesting than the last. We met people who wear a niqab, and adore BDSM; a sex worker; lesbian couple; 40 year old virgins.
It is profoundly personal. Each person's relationship to sexuality and their faith. But the book remains inviting to the reader, as one understands that even if all these women, non-binary people share a faith, or immigrant experience, they all identify with sexuality differently. Their sexuality affects them religiously, personally, politically, and their family dynamic and it is a fascinating dive to explore in what ways have we too been impacted by sex and faith/or lack thereof.
What was very interesting is how the fear of sex, pregnancy and sex as being only for marriage was mirrored in their secular education system, or with non-Muslim friends. And explore the larger implications of sexism/racism in society and it’s intersectionality with sex.
This book is for anyone who enjoy sexuality literature, religious exploration and feminism. However a trigger warning for those dealing with sexual assault or body dismorphia.
July 31, 2023
I’m not a particularly spiritual person but have always been interested in understanding religion and faith. This book does a great job in showing how one can have both (to varying degrees) while reflecting on the institutional patriarchy that impacts people of different gender and sexual identities. A big topic for sure, but the author’s journalistic background shines through and makes the book both digestible and people-centric. By highlighting individuals’ experience through extensive research and a heartfelt commitment to their stories, this book offers a glimpse of the lives, worries, and experiences unique to Muslim women.
September 14, 2023
An important topic & a great intro to the conversation, however it lacked the depth I was hoping for. The stories themselves were deeply personal and intimate, but I found the book as a whole was lacking a piece that ties everything together and offers readers a solution or a way to apply their new perspectives.
January 15, 2024
Bismillah-
A tender collection of stories that otherwise would not be available within our community. It is a book to be looked at culturally and not religiously. My low rating is due to the outward look of a religious narrative, while it is not religiously accurate, but a commentary on perceived understanding of religion.
This book is solely a human comfort and cautionary tale that anyone could learn from to be gentler, kinder, more compassionate, less judgmental and more self-reflective. The human experience is hugely connected and must remain so.
Thank you for your efforts on this work.
A tender collection of stories that otherwise would not be available within our community. It is a book to be looked at culturally and not religiously. My low rating is due to the outward look of a religious narrative, while it is not religiously accurate, but a commentary on perceived understanding of religion.
This book is solely a human comfort and cautionary tale that anyone could learn from to be gentler, kinder, more compassionate, less judgmental and more self-reflective. The human experience is hugely connected and must remain so.
Thank you for your efforts on this work.
August 23, 2023
I can’t even explain how much this means to me.
December 15, 2023
Enjoyable and fun and a quick read. I could have used more but the author talks about how three participants pulled out pretty late in the process so that’s understandable.
February 6, 2024
I laughed, I sighed, I rolled my eyes (at the needless shame and purity culture imposed on women) but most of all I LOVED it.
June 4, 2023
This is such a gorgeous book. I love the way Benembarek allows the voices of the women to shine. The conversations are intimate, like listening to a close friend. The book challenges the belief that Muslim women are a monolithic group, something I know I have been guilty of. The end, as it sometimes does came too quickly, greedily, I wanted more. But what a beautiful read this was.
June 6, 2023
“But death can be a profoundly beautiful experience. It forces you to say those things that you have never said before.”
A vulnerable piece into the lives and sex lives of six different Muslim woman/non-binary people. Each person has a different and unique relationship with their sexuality and faith, and that was highlighted with the personal stories of women and non-binary people featured.
A vulnerable piece into the lives and sex lives of six different Muslim woman/non-binary people. Each person has a different and unique relationship with their sexuality and faith, and that was highlighted with the personal stories of women and non-binary people featured.
October 30, 2024
Love love love
October 20, 2023
I’m not Muslim so I can’t speak on behalf of anyone Muslim about this book. From my own perspective though as a South Asian person, wow. This book hit me hard. There’s so much I have never put into words, that found itself in this book.
June 29, 2023
I found the women and non binary persons stories’ in this book insightful and resonant. I really connected and could draw parallels in my own experiences.
July 29, 2023
This book is ultimately missing the "so what". There isn't a strong link or thesis that ties the various stories together in a satisfying way.
May 19, 2023
4.5
Genuinely such an insightful read. I laughed and ached with these women. I share many of their concerns, whether it’s with their family or Islam. It’s such an important read even if your not a cis Muslim woman, if just to understand their point of view. The way it was written was also very easy to digest. One of my only criticisms is the author’s misleading stance on sex being halal when consensual. I think these stories speak for themselves in that these people’s actions are not entirely religious. And they don’t claim them to be. It would be redundant to claim that all of the sex these women were having was halal, it simply isn’t and I respect that. It also would have been beneficial to have gone into theology more and explain why certain women were prohibited from so and so, to moderate between scripture and their experiences/opinions.
Genuinely such an insightful read. I laughed and ached with these women. I share many of their concerns, whether it’s with their family or Islam. It’s such an important read even if your not a cis Muslim woman, if just to understand their point of view. The way it was written was also very easy to digest. One of my only criticisms is the author’s misleading stance on sex being halal when consensual. I think these stories speak for themselves in that these people’s actions are not entirely religious. And they don’t claim them to be. It would be redundant to claim that all of the sex these women were having was halal, it simply isn’t and I respect that. It also would have been beneficial to have gone into theology more and explain why certain women were prohibited from so and so, to moderate between scripture and their experiences/opinions.
April 11, 2023
Really tough to rate a book about people's deeply personal experiences, so I am rating this based off of how much I learned and what the book brought me. This book covered a lot of ground in a small space, covering topics that I had limited knowledge on, or ones that I hadn't considered before. All of this needs to be safer for people to talk about, so I am really happy that this author started the discussion for me. I know that the author had some challenges when it came to the final set of stories for publish, which is understandable. I would just have loved to read more scenarios and more stories.
June 6, 2023
Important book about Muslim women’s relationship with sex and religion. Sex is such a taboo topic for most women with their families and I believe it is important to not be riddled with shame when discussing it. I love that this book discusses their feelings in a honest and direct manner.
January 25, 2026
i found this book beautiful. the different accounts, yes discuss sex, but touch on so many more topics. belonging, conformity, authenticity, ambition, love, grief, pain, pleasure, it shows that sex isn’t everything, but everything shows up in sex.
June 5, 2023
I liked this book because it represented a wide variety of lived experiences and took great care to share the trials and triumphs of Muslim women in their journeys of self discovery. I liked the last chapter the best!
November 15, 2023
A fascinating, eye-opening read! I would’ve given it 4 stars if it wasn’t for the author narrating her own book. She’s a good writer but not a good narrator and it made it hard for me to focus.
August 18, 2025
the way people talk about sex is so cool. i love reading about it and i love that talking about it can often be a form of resistance to so many degrees. what a great and well researched book!!!
December 13, 2024
Painfully boring
June 27, 2023
This collection of stories about 5 Muslim women & one non-binary person was really beautiful and well written. I loved the way in which the chapters explored each person’s relationship with religious, cultural and familial expectations around sex outside of marriage, sexuality, gender identity and sex work. I also loved how this book showed how at the end of the day, each character was able to land on their feet, breaking out of those expectations and determining for themselves what serves them and on the flip side, what boundaries to set.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 112 reviews