Building a Resilient Life: How Adversity Awakens Strength, Hope, and Meaning

by Rebekah Lyons

Even if you're walking through a difficult season or feeling overwhelmed with the chaos of life, you can build a peace-filled resilience that equips you with strength for today--and for every day ahead. Life is hard for all kinds of reasons. It's tempting to try to move past the pain as quickly as possible. Instead, what if we embraced our struggles to develop the strength of resilience not dependent on circumstances? Writing as a friend who has also walked through difficult times, Rebekah Lyons--the bestselling author of Rhythms of Renewal and the popular host of the Rhythms for Life podcast--reminds us of adversity that always comes with a will discouragement, stress, and fear cause you to crumble, or will you embrace the strength you've already been given? In Building a Resilient Life , Rebekah offers five practical, life-changing rules that help you live into God's unshakable peace in a world that seems more uncertain every day. Through Rebekah's unique blend of story, psychology, theology, and biblical teaching, you As you use these rules to build your own resilient life, you'll encounter the God who offers you a peace beyond understanding, a hope beyond today, and a strength and joy you never even knew you had.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Faith, Christian Living, Audiobook, Personal Growth

272 pages, Hardcover

Published May 2, 2023

About the author

Rebekah Lyons is a designer, strategist, wife, and mom. She serves alongside her husband, Gabe, as executive director of Q, a learning community that mobilizes Christians to advance the common good in society. In her role at Q, Rebekah gives leadership and strategic direction to where the movement is headed and manages day-to-day operations. Any given week includes volunteering at the Midtown Pregnancy Support Center in Manhattan or at Geneva School, writing her daily musings, and rallying her three children and two toy poodles around New York City.

Reviews

[Amy Kannel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some great nuggets to chew on and a lot of provocative questions I want to spend time processing and answering. Still, there was something about this that felt a little too...easy? Tidy? Rushed? Like the things she was describing take a lot of time and work (and maybe therapy) to wrestle through, but they were narrated from her own life very quickly and neatly, in a way that felt like, "I had this epiphany and decided to think about this differently and my whole life changed!" Which struck me as unrealistic and discouraging because it felt so far from my own experiences. Maybe I would have felt this less if I'd bought the book and worked through it very slowly, allowing more time to process each chapter. Having checked it out from the library, I didn't have that luxury.

As I reflect more, I think it was also a bit overwhelming because it was heavy on to-dos and light on gospel. It left me with a long list of things I need to do better/try harder--even if those things were couched in terminology like "rhythms of rest" or whatever--rather than hope in what's been done for me in Christ. I mean, I realize that "lean into hard things" is kind of the point of what she was teaching, the idea that adversity is necessary to develop resilience. But I'm not sure adversity really awakens hope if the only ground for hope is my own ability to rise to the challenge. Ultimately my hope is in the One who faced the worst possible adversity and overcame it in a way that guarantees all my adversity is temporary. And I think that gospel hope was absent from an otherwise in many ways strong and helpful book.

[Abi Buckle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book. It’s not even necessarily that I disagree with what she was getting at. It just felt like she was tying pretty bows around the things most of us struggle for years and years with in therapy. It felt like a checklist rather than an invitation to weary people, that resiliency IS possible.

[Autumn Loomis · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I believe that Rebekah has a great message and her heart is for helping people, I just don’t connect with her as an author. This is the third book I’ve read from her and each one falls a bit short for me. Maybe part of it is because I’ve recently read other books with similar messages that I think are more powerfully written. I do love her podcast though and listen to it regularly!

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written during the covid 19 pandemic. Many references to life during that time. Christian worldview, smartly partnered with psychology, science and observation.

5 Pillars
- name pain &shift narrative
- embrace adversity
- make meaning
-cultivate beauty
- resilient community

1. & 2.
- Helpless with no sense of meaning, pent up need for control
- coping to numb the stress of realities
-niel postman, cited "people will come to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think" brave new world
-resilie (Latin) to recoil, rebound [not unflinching strength, unbreakable, stubborn persistence]
- process of adapting well in the face of adversity
- healing begins the moment we speak what is true
- aesops fable...oak tree v reed, little reed bent to the force of the wind, we bend but aren't broken
- weight of shame
- author: overreactions are damaging, mood swings pushing everyone away, (why I'm so prone to try to control everything)
-📚 soul of shame, by curt Thompson
- avoid people who brought on feelings of shame, why lockdowns were so exposing, forced to face what we could previously ignore/distract, shame forces me to focus only on my emotion- can't see anything else, felt too difficult for me to remain
addressing shame:
- name what is broken
-i don't believe this was your intention, but when you said X, I felt X
-we are good willed people who fell in love for reasons that still exist
- requires recognizing

3.
- invite others in
-be slow to fall into friendship, but when thou art in continue firm and constant -socrates
- healing happens when nothing is hidden
- good friends won't let you stay silent
- some seasons are harder than others
-i don't really need answers to every problem, I need with-ness, attentiveness, curiosity
- soul care takes continued effort
- when we intentionally engage in empathetic exchange, we become more like God
-rene decarte I think therefore I am, ralph waldo emerson you become what you think about all day long
-EXIT embracing Christ I trust
-5 Why? define problem, why? 5x dig deeper
-📚 what happened to you? dismissive disengaged interaction is not building foundation for loving person, emotionally hungry needy person who will long for belonging but won't have the neurobiological capability to find what they need. dismissive caregiving can lead to an unquenchable thirst for love. you cannot love if you have not been loved
-2 mm per day: average growth of a neuron damaged
-rest, restore, connect, create

4.
- beauty antidote to scarcity
-i was more obsessed with what was broken than beautiful
- when you acknowledge your primal need for beauty, you will see again
-nitpick everything or everyone around you, discontent, anxious, restless... are you making space for beauty?
-hygge: everything you're wearing should be comfortable
- what will stretch and grow us? next time you have the chance to go easy or hard, pick the experience that will strengthen and challenge your resilience

5.
- look at friendships and how you naturally connect
- people who are focused on creating good things are filled with purpose
-Kelly Lambert (neuroscientist) access of hand eye and brain have health benefits
- what skills do I possess in a timeless society? [durable jobs] top HX professions... gardener, cook, counselor, author, clergy, farmer, e.t.c.
- increasingly isolated for years
-📚 leadership is a relationship: grabbing hands and leaping together, knowing the leaping will go better when we're not leaping alone
- positive aspects of pandemic?
- disasters can improve mental health
- Charles fritz social scientist: 1961 disasters in mental health paper [in times of disaster humanity rises to occasion, increase in social solidarity, antisocial behaviors are rare, quickly rebound and reconstruct]
-more resilient when we commit to a common cause with likeminded people

[Paula Abbott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of me wanted to rate this a 2 star when other parts a 4… I will walk away with a few nuggets of wisdom. I by no means mean this in a superior way but- If you are new to Christianity or not knowledgeable of your Bible, you may really connect to this. I found this more of a self help book with some Bible sprinkled in rather than vice versa.

[Grace · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading about Lyons' life as a mom of two Down syndrome children. Raising these precious ones taught her beautiful truths, which I loved reading about. In the first chapter, Lyons talked about "ambiguous loss" which I found very relevant. I was hoping for more of that flavor from the book, but it was only treated at the beginning. I liked her definition of resilience, though, which was, faithful perseverance.

The book deals with different aspects of resilience and is set up for reflection after each chapter. I didn't want to invest that much time or feel the need for it at this point in my life, maybe at another time. There were a lot of references to the pandemic, which was an impacting reality but sometimes it is just something I don't want to read about. Also, since I had not read her other books I felt like I was missing parts of the story.

[Nikki Slonaker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I worked through this slowly and I really was challenged by it! I enjoy Rebekah’s writing style (informal, very personal, bordering Christian cheesy in moments), and felt connected to her through her personal testaments as she shared helpful practices in building ~resiliency~. Kinda wish I had read this with someone else - I think conversation from it would be fruitful!

[Maria Pop · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good way to start the year.
M-a făcut sa fiu mai conștientă de tranzițile vieții care ne pot impacta puternic viata. Sa înțeleg mai bine cum trebuie practicata rezilienta în diferite etape ale vieții.
O reamintire a modului în care trebuie trăit maratonul vieții, care nu devine mai ușor pe măsură ce îmbătrânim.

[Julie Massie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book from Rebekah Lyons! She shares so openly about her experiences and tried and true ways to overcome/push through adversity in this book. Definitely worth the read. May even be one of those books I read yearly or so to help remember the rules of building a resilient life. Would definitely recommend to anyone who wants to live a more resilient life.

[Kari Kaczan · Rating 5 out of 5]

She hit the nail on the head in so many things in my life that I'm currently experiencing and walking through mentally. I love that she's the mother of special needs kids and gets it like I am and do. I love reading others journeys about resilience and seeing how God has worked through each story.

[Meredith Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

More of a story of the author’s life rather than a focus on how to build a resilient life, so this wasn’t what I expected. But good as a story of her life!

[Kayla Petty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started out SO good, but so much of the book was about quarantine/the pandemic. Also absolutely hated chapter 11 🤬

[Justin Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book served as a collection of wise counsel and vision casting for what we as the resilient church of Christ can truly be. I’ve heard plenty of insights from Lyons’ podcast ministry but this was the first time reading her work. It felt like returning to foundational truths in the midst of a reset season and seeking to grow with resistance. Definitely will be revisiting whenever I feel off-kilter and need to reevaluate my current stewardship of life.

[Christina Lucci]

DNF @ pg 178 - honestly didn’t connect with this one. I tried to push through but didn’t feel engaged. The focus was more on self than God and it wasn’t quite the God centered book I was looking for. If I wanted a self-help book I would have picked one up.

[Greta Schrock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Building a Resilient Life, Rebekah Lyons newest book, while not a sequel necessarily, does continue in many ways where her book Rhythms of Renewal took us. Resilient Life is a look at how adversity moves us to be stronger, more hopeful people. She draws from a Biblical framework and Scriptural emphasis on God’s power to guide us through crisis. She also uses sound science as she maps out 5 rules to follow when adversity strikes. She gives added information that she touched on in Rhythms regarding neuroplasticity of the brain and the science that helps the reader understand your brain can heal and you can be mentally healthy again after trauma and crisis. This book is not an in-depth psychological or counseling work, but does offer practical tools she has discovered from sound counseling sources for dealing with adversity. From Rebekah’s own life story, she helps us see the healing path that allowed her to return to wholeness so she could respond in faith and resilience to the things life throws at her and the things that life throws at the reader as well. For many in the throes of crisis this book could be a healing balm. It is written in a readable and approachable style that the reader can draw help and comfort from. I was provided a copy for an honest review.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Resilience. I absolutely love this word and think Rebekah really defined the word well throughout her book, Building a Resilient Life: How Adversity Awakens Strength, Hope, and Meaning. Rebekah writes with a companion quality, as if you are sitting right beside her enjoying a cup of coffee or tea, beside a crackling fireplace. Ironically, she writes about the beauty of their personal fireplace and the significance of the rhythms of rest and community around the fire. The Five steps Rebekah outlines in her book, Name the Pain, Shift the Narrative, Embrace Adversity, Make Meaning, and Endure Together, are jam packed filled with wisdom and biblical correlation to each topic. She also taps into the neuroscience behind resilience, and draws from experiences from her life, as well as society enduring the pandemic recently. One statement made in her book, "Our thoughts shape our perspective, our perspective shapes our attitude, and our attitude determines our outcomes" is a great underlying encouragement throughout the entire book. Perspective is everything, and being able to have the resilience that comes from within us and from the Lord, is foundational to our daily walk-in life. I highly recommend this book to all!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read by Rebekah Lyons, even though I've had Rhythms of Renewal on my to-read list for a few years. This book had a lot of mentions of Covid-19, which I always wonder how well that will age? I personally enjoyed most of the book, but the last part of the book (rule five) fell short for me.

Five Rules of Resilience
Rule One: Name the Pain
Rule Two: Shift the Narrative
Rule Three: Embrace Adversity
Rule Four: Make Meaning
Rule Five: Endure Together

"If we are going to grow in resilience, we must also learn to accept and embrace the adversity that makes us more resilient. What if adversity is a gift? When we encounter adversity, we face a challenge that requires a decision. Will we run and hide, or will we embrace and overcome? Adversity must be met with an opposite and more powerful reaction. Instead of avoiding it, we must confront it. Resilience is a muscle developed through responding to adversity in the right ways." Page 124

[Estelle Lancaster · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love all of her books and her podcast. It sometimes feels like a checklist of do these things to be more resilient, but after taking some time to read the whole book slowly, I know they are not steps to master quickly but steps to work out within community to live a thriving and resilient life as we are all journeying to His throne together. What a grace for God to give us community to help each other live resilient lives.

“We are not people who simply bounce back. We experience all kinds of trouble. We endure unspeakable tragedy and ambiguous loss, both of which can take a lifetime to heal. We develop wounds and scars. Resilient people experience this pain with honesty and bravery, and they become stronger not despite the resistance but because of the resistance. I might define resilience this way: our daily, consecrated act of remembering there is something far greater than our present troubles, which offers us the power to endure and emerge.”

[Eliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book, and I see the ways it can be improved. There is something wonderful about reading an aspect that hits true to an area you are struggling with and say, THIS, this was an enlightment I needed to navigate this portion of life. An insight that is realistic, biblically true, and challenging for the reader to chew on.

Resilience is an extremely difficult, strenuous trait to develop. Each chapter held an intriguing insight into an aspect of mental struggle. Nonetheless, i cannot say that when added together, they create a meaningful, clear representation of what resilience looks like. Many are conditional, insightful, but also highly specific to someone who is already more SEASONED, making less seasoned Christian or secular readers feel like they have fallen short.

Regardless, there is no doubt that I have still been blessed in positive ways from this read.

[Katya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Name what you lost without resolution

Ambiguous loss

Confession comes before communion. Secrets separate you away from others. We confess to remove secrets not sin. To restore relationships we need to confess and forgive the way we have been forgiven. I need to forgive even those who don’t ask for forgiveness.

Renewing my mind is actively trading my thoughts for Gods perfect Truth. We get to decide what we allow ourselves to consume and what we think

Life needs meaning. My purpose is knowing God

Resilient people restore breath. Taking it back to Gods original plan.

The spaces we live in matter- they are the backdrop and form our memories

Plug into community and see how God transforms you. Struggle is grace a chance to build a changed future.

[Becky Schommer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did the full study related to the book, which I believe is the best way to get everything out of the material. I thought the reflection questions in the book were very helpful, though (often I breeze past them, but these were really great questions for wrestling through application of the principles). I like Rebekah’s style. She’s easy to read and filled with enough research to keep the material intellectually interesting. I think most of us found it to be more personally challenging than we expected. As is stated in the book though, challenge builds resilience. I look forward to figuring out some next steps to take with community.

[Martha DePasquale · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was inspired to listen to this book after hearing Rebekah on Preston Sprinkle’s Theology in the Raw podcast. Not every thought or chapter clicked with me, but there are many nuggets that I rewound to hear again, journaled about, or have continued considering since listening. Rebekah shares a number of interesting ideas, thoughtful reflections, and personal experiences on how our lives have become so frenetic, draining, isolated, anxiety-filled and full of consumption, and how we can instead experience more fullness, meaning, and resilience.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rebekah Lyons has, once again, shown herself to be fully present when considering where individuals struggle. Written in the midst of the global pandemic, she engages personal experience with research to suggest ways to combat a lack of resilience. While written in part as a reflection of her work and life experiences, some components are more highly researched and referenced than others. Just a personal preference on my part. Other readers may rarely, if ever, consider the footnotes and references.

The podcasts that followed this book make the learning engaging and applicable to me.

[Lori Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here are some things I appreciate about this book:
-questions for processing each chapter
-actionable steps for moving ahead
-real life stories of these practices working
-research and references to other studies on resilience

I read this as an ebook and I wish I had used a hard copy instead, because I know I would have underlined important points and responded to the questions more concretely. I think I’ll need to go back through the book with a journal and be more active in making meaning out of her concepts for my particular context.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Building a Resilient Life” is a path of faithful perseverance (a steady determination to choose to grow and learn from obstacles). When we feel anxious or defeated, these feelings indicate we are veering off God’s path and something needs to shift.
*Name the Pain
*Shift the Narrative
*Embrace Adversity
*Make Meaning
*Endure Together

Rebekah Lyons is one of my favorite authors when I feel the need to regroup, reshift, refocus and return to God’s path.

[Jasmine P · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebekah is insightful, heartfelt and brutally honest - everything you could want in a writer. Her words are filled with hope and wisdom. I appreciate her candid nature and the practical steps to facing adversity and life’s challenges. It’s not a “do better” or “work harder” type of philosophy, which I love. Her approach is refreshing and encouraging.

I would definitely recommend this book to Christian women who are struggling with any season of life they find themselves in.

[Tanja Writes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked Rebekah's emphasis on community and church life as a way to help build a resilient life. As some of her reflections stem from lockdowns during the Covid-19 pandemic, it was helpful for her to think of the church, as it was a challenging time for building community worldwide; however, it is an essential part of Christian life to share in community. I also appreciated her insight into the importance of being creative to build resilience and purpose in one's life.

[Lydia Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebekah Lyons has written a book that has helped me get through difficult times in my life. This book really helped me with my daily anxiety, depression and ADHA. I was depending on medications to fix me, which never worked. After reading this book I learned to draw closer to God who offered me peace of mind. I found a strength that I never knew I had. Never give up. Highly recommend.

[Stephanie Mckeever · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book doesn't dance around the issues. Truth is written about what happens in real life with disability and trauma. A great book for dealing with real life adversity, steps are given to get close to Christ for healing and how to become more resilient through him when the tough times come and come again.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars, rounded up.

This book shares some helpful perspectives and advice, but the Christian elements are pretty basic, and a lot of the book involves the author sharing long-winded personal stories with the assumption that you already know about and are invested in her and her family. This will primarily appeal to her online following.