Motherland: What I’ve Learnt about Parenthood, Race and Identity

by Priya Joi

A thought-provoking and nuanced memoir on motherhood, race and identity M(other)land will be a powerful response to the absence of an inclusive and accessible blueprint for navigating life as a multi-faceted mother. Joi will interrogate this silence, providing a voice of understanding for all those who fall outside mainstream presentations of 'parenthood' who have never seen themselves or their experiences represented. The typical 'mother' painted in our culture has to combat the strains of motherhood, but not motherhood and identity, so this book will be a deep dive into the often-fraught conversation (both internal and external) of what it means to be a parent in a space where you are the minority. Joi will consider how her personal and cultural identity intersect with motherhood and inform her identity as a parent, interrogating how multi-cultural parenting and our past continues to affect and challenge our futures. The book will be a crucial resource for anyone trying to navigate the complexities of race and motherhood; who has ever felt other in some way; who has struggled to reconcile their past with how they raise the next generation.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

Published March 9, 2023

Reviews

[Irinita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it! A complex account of motherhood and identity, which accompanied me in exactly the right moment. I can only say thank you, Priya Joi!

”People sometimes hate the word ‘intersectionality’, believing it to be the complicated jargon of activists. Yet all it is, is what we all are. We are all more than one thing, often way more than two. ‘Intersectionality’ is just another word for ‘humanity’. But acknowledging intersectionality is important, because as humans, we are rarely protected in totality.”

[Charan Bijlani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adored this book, it was beautifully written and Priya shared her South Asian perspective in the most eloquent and honest way. I’ll return to this book through different seasons of my life

[Caleb Liu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Joi finds herself compelled to explore her own cultural identity and personal history after becoming a mother. Her book is a powerful and important reminder of the casual racism that still persists through much of society, and how the 'othering' of minorities is often present everywhere. It's an additional burden that minority or mixed race parents have to deal with - how to bring up the issue of race? Is a child better off enjoying the blissful innocence of childhood for as long as possible, or would that be irresponsible given the inevitable hand grenade that is race always threatening that idyll?

One relevant issue Joi addressed in passing was the issue of minorities having to deal with the inevitable origin question: "where are you from", soon followed by "where are you really from"? Is it possible to enquire about a person's identity out of curiousity without being seen as rude, insulting or worst racist? A lot of it lies in the nuance - it's fine if it is borne out of a desire to understand - to find out more about a person's identity, not so much if it is an attempt to assert an identity for them - where are you really from implies that they don't belong and that as a minority they don't get to choose how to define themselves (it's the majority race that has that luxury).

While many of the issues raised were important, Joi adopts a rather conversational and very casual tone which I found occasionally off-putting. This is certainly not writing to savour. Some topics (whether to have kids, how motherhood threatens a loss of identity) are more universal, and therefore less interesting - it's well trodden ground.

On the whole, it was an important reminder of the dangers of casual racism, and the centrality of race (and gender) to identity, but not a book I will be returning to again.

[Karina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seems like a really good egg, lots of interesting concepts covered. Loses a star for a slightly meandering writing style which chops between anecdote and conclusion without much in between.

[Azalia Suhaimi · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book touches on important and needed topics. I’m grateful for her voice. There were quite some examples I could relate to as a migrant and a mother, but there were also occasions that felt like on-the-surface musings that didn’t truly get to my heart. Maybe I read this book at a wrong time as I’m also currently reading plot-heavy fiction so I naturally craved for more while reading this.

But anyway, I’m currently craving for stories that are able to break me. Or at least stories that reach my heart in some way, they’d make me question further about the origins of racism or understand further why people feel what they feel. This book didn’t do much of those for me. I could relate to some examples, yes, but they didn’t reach me deeper. This applies both to her musings on racism and motherhood.

There were also occasional awkward lines, or similes and metaphors that were somewhat cliche. I guess maybe overall her writing style wasn’t for me. I learned from the book too that she’s a science journalist, so that might also explain why. I tend to lean more towards poetic or very human-centred writing.

But again, great work on tackling these themes from the lens of motherhood. Perhaps her writing could be for you. Just not for me now, hence the three stars.

[Brown Girl Bookshelf · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mother(land) by Priya Joi is an honest and introspective memoir that explores the author's journey toward self-discovery as a British Indian. Joi highlights the challenges of growing up in a society that is not always inclusive of different cultures. She beautifully weaves together her narrative with factual insights, providing readers with a better understanding of the issues faced by individuals with multicultural identities.

The book also touches upon the challenges of raising children in a foreign country while balancing cultural values and peer pressure. Joi's struggles and experiences offer a unique perspective on how parents can navigate these challenges and help their children embrace their identity while finding a balance in life. Her message of inclusiveness and acceptance is relevant not just to parents but to anyone seeking to understand and appreciate diversity.

Mother(land) is a well-written, insightful, and thought-provoking book that offers a new perspective on the challenges of growing up with a multicultural identity. Joi's journey and experiences are relatable especially to anyone raising binational/cultural children or interested in understanding the complexities of cultural identity and the impact it has on personal and family life.

[Am · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most insightful book on motherhood and identity I have ever read. Truly wonderful. The discussions of the intersection of race and gender in being a parent and how these factors have influenced parenthood across generations was beautifully put. How identity is informed at very young ages by surrounding social climates was both interesting and heartbreaking to read and is key to keep in mind for future generations. A fantastic read, takes me so long to read ebooks on my phone though!!

[Prerana Shah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was a very interesting book and extremely relatable. Having lived in three countries this book is perfect for anyone who feels they are alone in the journey of finding belonging. The navigation of relationships with parents is difficult as an adult for every south asian living abroad and the author’s experiences made me feel at peace that I am not alone.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book everyone should read. A vulnerable, insightful and funny investigation into motherhood, race and belonging. I laughed, I cried and then I recommended it to everyone I know. Priya writes beautifully and openly about the joys and trials and complexity of motherhood and race.

[Uzoamaka · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure what to make of this book.
I get how motherhood can become you or vice versa but I wanted more on how her childhood, teens, education, womanhood, friendships etc framed what she learnt about race and identity as a mother.

[Jem Q · Rating 4 out of 5]

More books like this please.

[Esra Bilik Ergin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully and earnestly written. Thought provoking and heart warming at the same time 🫶🏻

[Mehreen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really lovely book to listen to and a particularly excellent section around actively making the choice to be a mother/the factors involved in the decision.

[May · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting perspective on raising a child with a connection to numerous countries whilst being Indian and British herself.

[soffydk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Altså, sød.