Wearing of This Garment Does Not Enable You to Fly: 101 Real Dumb Warning Labels

by Jeff Koon, Andy Powell, Tim Carroll (Illustrator)

America's famous teenage stalkers of stupidity are back. From the authors of "You May Not Tie an Alligator to a Fire Hydrant," here is a collection of 101 of the dumbest product warnings you'll ever see.

The infamous 1994 McDonald's hot coffee lawsuit has spawned a veritable industry of "hot" warnings, from Kellogg's Pop-Tarts admonition that "If pastry is overheated, frosting/filling can become extremely hot and could cause burns" to the Black Cat Fireworks label: "Caution: flammable. Do not put in mouth."

If, on the other hand, you manage to escape the heat with a trip to the beach, be warned that a twenty-inch beach ball is "NOT a lifesaving device." Kids (and maybe even parents) might be forgiven, however, for thinking that Mr. Bubbles Body Wash for Kids of All Ages would be okay to use if they missed the warning label: "Caution. Keep out of reach of young children."

In the brave new world of technology, users frustrated by the gobbledygook of users' manuals will be relieved that their warning labels at least make sense: the Sun StarOffice End User License Agreement warns users that "software is not designed, licensed or intended for use in the design, construction, operation or maintenance of any nuclear facility," while the SGI IRIS Indigo Workstation manual tells you, "Don't dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at coworkers." And for those who just can't quite figure out what to do with some of their new purchases, this might help: "Use Gold Dial as you would ordinary soap" explains the Dial soap label.

Compiled by Jeff Koon and Andy Powell, this hilarious collection features the best contributions from the hundreds of thousands of fans of their Web sites, www.dumblaws.com and www.dumbwarnings.com, and forty-two original drawings by illustrator Tim Carroll.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Comedy

160 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2003

Reviews

[Amanda [Novel Addiction] · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a couple funny ones in here. Mostly they made me realize how stupid people are. Sigh.

SWON 2015 Teen Reading Challenge book one thousand and sixteen.

[Theresa F. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did I like it? It was ok.
Would I reread it? Probably not.
Would I recommend it? It depends on the reader.

[Ryan Barretto · Rating 3 out of 5]

An entertaining quick read of some really silly warning labels created by organizations.

I will say that the stupidity of the human race has no limit, and a few of the warnings did have merit.

[Melissa]

3Q 4P M
This too was a factual “Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers”. This book is a fast read and is simply a collection of dumb warning labels found on a variety of products. The authors state that they were inspired by the 1994 McDonald’s lawsuit that resulted in the “hot” warning label on their coffee cups. The teen appeal of this book is humor. It would certainly be a perfect book to motivate the reluctant reader; allowing even the challenged reader to complete the 150 page book in no time flat. All the while promoting reading self-confidence and pleasure. An extension activity could be for teens to compile their own warning labels into a book.

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this would be funnier that what it was. There are some labels that I understand why they exist. I wish they would have done more research like the one for McDonald's Hot Coffee. The coffee was much hotter than it was suppose to be, and an old lady was burned. She approached McDonald's to pay for what Medicare didn't cover which was $700 and they were very rude in refusing her so hired an attorney. Overall there were a few that made me laugh, but I was expecting more.

[Stewart Tame · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun, but slim, volume of cautionary labels. The title pretty much says it all. We've all seen our share of ridiculous labels, and some of your favorites might be in here. Even as brief as it is, the book feels padded, probably due to the many pages with a single label, a brief comment, and then a large illustration. It's a fun book, but probably better appreciated at a lesser price or as a gift.

[Gerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun read/browse with some unbelievable warnings presented by the authors, who obviously worked hard to find the goods represented. By the way, reading this could damage your health so please feel free to skip it if so inclined!

[Haven · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the type of book you pick up just for laughs. Two high school students decided to find the stupidest warning labels they could, and did a great job of it. Even better are the illustrations and comments by the two authors. It's a fun, quick and very entertaining read.

[Keith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cute. Meh.

[Frank Taranto · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the warnings were very funny - most were just OK. A good book to pick up at the library for a few quick lauhgs.

[Kylara Jensen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mildly enjoyable but not really laugh out loud funny. It was kind of a lot to read in one sitting but I read it in like ten minutes. It's a cute little book I guess but nothing special about it.

[Melissa McLees · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was somewhat comical.

[Benjamin Ried · Rating 1 out of 5]

Best one (?) - Boudreaux ' s Butt Paste: "Avoid contact with eyes."

[Luann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dumb warning labels are for dumb people who refuse to take responsibility for their own stupid actions.

[Fran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterical!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm chuckling just remembering this one

[Nikolas]

it was very funny