In the Blink of an Eye: An Autobiography

by Abdul-Rauf Mahmoud, Nick Chiles

In an autobiography marked by staggering vulnerability, former NBA star Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf–whose given name was Chris Jackson before converting to Islam and changing it in 1991–recounts the twists, turns, trials, and triumphs of his life. He is perhaps most well-known for being exiled from the league for praying—instead of standing and saluting the flag – during the playing of “The Star-Spangled Banner” before games throughout the 1995–96 season. Abdul-Rauf’s protest sent shockwaves through the NBA that can still be felt today. With wit and candor, Abdul-Rauf tells the story of how he rose to the top of his game—only to have his career taken away in the blink of an eye when he stood up for his principles. He also recounts his experiences living with Tourette Syndrome, committing his life to the Islamic faith, and growing up estranged from his father.



In the Blink of an Eye challenges readers to examine our own lives by asking what we value, how we want to be remembered, and how we can contribute to making the world a better place. Through evocative passages that place the reader in the heat of the moment as well as poignant portraits of the important people in his life, In the Blink of an Eye will capture the attention of readers from all walks of life. This book is amust-read for anyone who has faced down adversity by standing up for the integrity of their own life, path, and identity. From his confrontations with racism—including the burning down of his house—to his difficult relationship with some of his closest family members, Adbul-Rauf reveals in intimate detail the important and inspirational, if painful, episodes that shaped his life.

Genres: Sports, Autobiography, Basketball, Nonfiction

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2022

Reviews

[JRT · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I’ve made a decision that I’m going to live and die with a free conscience and a free soul, whether your or anybody likes it or not. So let the chips fall wherever they may.” This statement perfectly sums up Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf’s life, and captures the tone of Abdul-Rauf’s autobiography, “In the Blink of An Eye.” Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf (formerly known as Chris Jackson) is a former LSU basketball superstar and dynamic NBA player, who is perhaps most widely known for preceding Colin Kaepernick in refusing to recognize the National Anthem during his NBA playing days. While most of the book details Abdul-Rauf’s journey as a tremendous and ahead-of-his-time basketball player, the most compelling aspects of the book deal with his political and spiritual awakening. Abdul-Rauf’s racial consciousness and commitment to Islam is on full display as he depicts how his anthem protest unfolded, and tells the sad story of how his NBA career was ultimately cut short due to his refusal to compromise his beliefs and hold his tongue about America. Abdul-Rauf’s story is one that many African Americans should be able to immediately recognize. It should serve as inspiration to those who are juggling how best to pursue a living on the one hand, while still maintaining their consciousness as a Black person in America on the other. Abdul-Rauf was not afraid to speak truth to power, and while he paid the price for it, he also cemented himself as a shining example for those who came after him. Highly recommend!

[Malik · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew of Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf when I was younger, from videos, seeing him not put his hand over his heart during the national anthem, along with the few interviews where he expressed why, was always inspiring to me as a kid. The autobiography was well written, I found myself annoyed at how a great ball player had his career blackballed due to his political and religious stances. Owners, coaches, and fans fell in line with American society, racism and an anti Muslim sentiment can all be seen throughout the his life story. Details about the later years of his life felt a little rushed, but his going back/forth from his Mississippi childhood to his college and pro days was compelling. Knowing his story in light of more recent NBA seasons where they position themselves as the most socially progressive professional sports organization, presents a more realistic view of the league.

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

A FORTHRIGHT AND REVEALING AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF THE FORMER NBA STAR

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf (born Chris Wayne Jackson) wrote in the first chapter of this 2022 book, “The morning shootaround was when I first noticed the crowd of reporters… As soon as I sat down, they … started flinging questions at me. ‘So, what do you think about the flag?’ … one of the local reporters … had noticed I wasn’t standing during the national anthem…. I told the reporters … ‘the flag is a symbol of tyranny and oppression… Am I saying everything in America’s bad? No. There’s good that exists. But as a Muslim, wherever bad is, even if it’s in Saudi Arabia, we don’t stand for it…’ … I was satisfied that I had … [made] a statement that was balanced … [and] accurate… if your country prides itself on the language of justice… then how can you not acknowledge the historical and present-day injustices some people in this country face so often?” (Pg. 9-10)

He continues, “But, as I quickly learned, if a Black athlete making millions of dollars claims that America is corrupt, the sky will come crashing down on his head… I suddenly had a starring role in a brewing national controversy… I had been opting not to stand for the anthem for more than a year… as I learned of the hypocrisies and inequities embedded in every aspect of America’s institutions…” (Pg. 11)

Soon, he was suspended from the NBA, explaining, “my agent called Rod Thorn, the NBA executive in charge of enforcing league rules… [who] declar[ed] that the league didn’t have any rule on the books about standing for the anthem. Essentially the league had made it up to make an example out of me. In a league that is nearly 80 percent Black, I think NBA executives didn’t want my refusal to stand to give other players any ideas about taking a similar action… The players union got involved… After further discussion, I agreed that I would stand with the team during the anthem---but instead of placing my hand over my heart, I would hold out my hands in a gesture of prayer and pray for those … who are oppressed… I checked in with one of my mentors, Imam Muhammad al-Asi… [who] said that going back to the team would bring more visibility to my cause. I knew that many would see it as me giving in to the NBA, caving, but … I would tell anyone that I still felt the same way about the flag… but I was presented with another way to make my case.” (Pg. 14-15)

He recounts, “Four years earlier, when I reverted … After my reversion became public and I changed my name, I would get approached by Muslims in every city… One of my close friends … was a Muslim … who owned a bookstore… I discovered many books on Israel and Zionism and … many other topics. It all began to pierce my conscience… All the stuff I had been taught about America… I now began to take exception to… I began to see the act of standing and saluting the flag during the national anthem in a much different way… [I] saw that in no way did the flag represent me, especially as a Black man in America. Maybe if I were white, I could see the privilege…” (Pg. 15-16) He adds, “I knew that people would look at me and say, ‘Oh, you’re making millions, the system is benefiting you.’ Yes, I may have found… a profession where I can personally profit, but I was no longer thinking in this individualistic way that American society encourages us to think.” (Pg. 17)

He goes on, “I was surprised when I heard Coach Bickerstaff declare that the anthem controversy was proving to be a ‘distraction’ to the team. Observing my teammates, I didn’t think that was true at all… I was aware of what people were saying about me. While a significant portion of the Black community seemed to have my back, many Muslims … were against what I was doing because it wasn’t representative of Islam…. While I was disappointed, it made sense to me. They were trying to assimilate, so they were disturbed to see this dude … draw undue attention to their religion… I saw interviews with Muslims who were claiming that there’s nothing in the Quran that states we are to oppose nationalism. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Quite the contrary, there are many verses instructing Muslims to oppose nationalism, tyranny, and oppression.” (Pg. 18-19)

He observes, “I agreed that just because we’re athletes doesn’t mean we’re qualified to raise your kids. But… Whether we wanted to or not, we couldn’t deny that we had an influence. In that sense, my stand made me a leader, because I knew there were people out there … who looked differently at America’s history of oppression and injustice because of what I did.” (Pg. 22)

He recounts, “When I was younger, I regularly cut grass for a few white people… to make money. One day while I was cutting for an older white lady… who had always been very nice to me… she kindly asked me if I wanted some lemonade. I thought back to ‘Roots,’ to what happened to Kizzy… she pumped some water into a cup for the old white woman… and spit into the cup. When the old white lady handed me the cup of lemonade, I [was] … thinking… about what Kizzy did. Was it possible that his old white lady had spit into my lemonade?... I poured the lemonade into the grass… I also began to develop a kind of fatalism about my life… It was fed by the shows I saw on television… Every time the show came on, we were all rooting for them to get out of the ghetto. And every time… something would happen to kick them right back in… That had a powerful effect on my young soul as I sat there watching this stuff.” (Pg. 69)

He was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome, and was recruited by Louisiana State University [LSU]: “I knew I had … spend most of my academic life … not applying myself as I should… I was worried that I would quickly be revealed as … a kid who didn’t even belong in an LSU classroom. The racial element was there as well, being afraid that people would just look … [at me] as a dumb jock… NCAA’s Prop 16… just brought more scrutiny to the reality that too many Black athletes hadn’t been properly prepared to do college-level work. In addition, there was Tourette…. Would they accept me or think something was wrong with me?” (Pg. 101)

He recalls, “What intensified when I got to LSU was the questioning of things about Christianity… I began to question the concept of the Trinity… I would attend church when I felt I needed to go, like when my conscience was getting the best of me… One Sunday afternoon… I came upon an enormous Baptist church… I walked inside and saw a white pastor… and mostly white people… At the end of the service… a smallish white woman spoke to me. ‘Can we pray for you?’ … the little white boy put his hand on my head… he started speaking in tongues…. I was extremely disturbed by the whole scene… That experience flattened the tires for me even more with Christianity. I began to pray to God to guide me to something that made sense to me, that I could live and die with…” (Pg. 129-131)

He read Malcolm X’s autobiography: “The most immediate effect … was to make me angry. The book made me look at white people differently, I developed a mistrust and a dislike for white people… Even the ones who were nice to me, like Coach Brown, I began to look at sideways, which was ironic considering he had given me the book. Malcolm … [was] making the case that the white man was the devil… The Nation [of Islam’s] philosophy… began to open my eyes… When I took a closer look at the systems Malcolm was talking about---the financial system, the legal system… et cetera---he was right that they all were controlled by white people… who smiled to your face and then enslaved you…. After that book… I started calling white people ‘honkies’ and ‘crackers.’” (Pg. 131-132)

He explains, “a good brother named Mark James… brought up Islam … Mark told me he had met a Muslim brother … who had advised him that he could go to a local masjid… and pick up a Quran if he wanted to learn more about Islam… ‘Let’s go!’ I said… I was so focused and excited about getting the Quran… We rushed back to my place… and started reading… I was only about two or three pages in when I began to feel overwhelmed… I looked up at Mark. ‘I don’t know about you, but my search is over,’ I said. ‘I’m going to be a Muslim. That’s it for me.’ …. I went … to a different masjid … This time I was intent on transformation.” (Pg. 159-160)

He reports, “I had recently officially changed my NBA name to Abdul-Rauf… I began to figure out when I would be able to go [on the Hajj]… I saw that I needed to do it in May 1993… I brought two brothers with me… who had already been numerous times. It was a huge help to me having [them] along to guide me during my first visit.” (Pg. 180-182)

He was cut by the Nuggets, got married again, and traded to the Sacramento Kings: “I wanted to have the wedding before I left for training camp… I went into training camp out of shape, which was the worst thing I could have done to establish myself on this new team… April told me that she was pregnant. I was ecstatic… I was hopeful that I would get a fair show in Sacramento, but it didn’t take long after I got there to be reminded of the anthem controversy… Eventually I learned that I likely would be associated with the national anthem for the rest of my life.” (Pg. 204-206) Later, he adds, “When I observed what they did to 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick during the controversy over him kneeling for the anthem, it felt very familiar… Colin and I were not the first professional athletes to suffer through that; unfortunately, we probably won’t be the last.” (Pg. 208)

After the 9/11 attacks, he was interviewed on HBO, and he told the interviewer, “my information led me to believe [Osama bin Laden] hadn’t masterminded the 9/12 attacks, but if he had, he didn’t do it alone… I gave him a laundry list of questionable items surrounding the 9/11 attacks, such as… people who some said were Mossad agents filming the entire incident from a rooftop in New Jersey… When the people that live in these countries become aware of the fact that … [they] are being bombed and killed… as a result of what America is doing, it produces the effects of what we have on 9/11.” (Pg. 221-222) [He would never play in the NBA again, although he played overseas for years.]

He concludes, “I’m not perfect---none of us are. I don’t always make the best decision---none of us do. My goal has always been to teach and to learn. To stay learning, every single day of my life.” (Pg. 253)

This book will be “must reading” for those wanting to learn more about Abdul-Rauf, and the controversies about him.

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the better basketball books I've read in recent memory. Author Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, formerly Chris Jackson, tells his story of coming-of-age in Gulfport, Mississippi, from basketball to family to sexual and religious awakening.

Abdul-Rauf, unlike many autobiographical athletes, is possessed of depth, introspection and recall that all color his story. The details and nuance are peppered at all stages - from his childhood where he developed this tremendous, single-minded work ethic to his time in high school as a minor basketball celebrity imbued with deep conviction, to LSU, Denver, and on his religious scholarship and eventual conversion.

To be an undersized scoring guard, you have to have some combination(s) of skill, athleticism and drive and Abdul-Rauf had all from a young age. He never knew his father ("he was short" his mother told him to a young Mahmoud's chagrin) and shows his mother as a single parent driven to provide for her kids, shown in example of her walking hours each way in hopes of securing a job. Without explicitly making the connection, this single-mindedness is inherited by Abdul-Rauf who, from a young age, maybe 2nd or 3rd grade, decided he wanted to play in the NBA. Unlike most children with big dreams, he didn't waver in his pursuit. Even up through college, he'd tell potential girlfriends that basketball was first. When you're close to the dream, it makes more sense to double down, but for an elementary or middle school kid to wait until his mom leaves for work at 5am before heading to the local park to workout on the courts before school starts is unique stuff. But it didn't stop there, he'd work out in boots and weighted vests to try and improve his leaping ability because he feared he wouldn't get tall enough. This drive, willingness and even ingenuity were probably Abdul-Rauf's super power.

Those same traits helped facilitate his conversion to Islam which came some time after reading Alex Haley's biography Malcolm X. The conversion, which occurred while he was in the NBA, became a point of controversy once Abdul-Rauf stopped standing for the national anthem. I was a teen when this controversy began and I remember it happening, but didn't have a grasp for the religious or political contexts. Decades later against the backdrop of social and a more overt and explicit cause, San Francisco 49er QB Colin Kaepernick would refuse to stand for the anthem. While both players relented for a personal conviction, Abdul-Rauf, in the much-reduced light of the mid-to-late 1990s, was able to stay in the league a few more years though the shadow cast by his position on the anthem led to fewer opportunities and, by his telling, contributed to an eventual blackballing. The final nail in the coffin though was a post-9/11 interview he gave on HBO's Real Sports show where the same conviction that allowed him to make the NBA and commit to Islam gave him the fortitude to speak openly about people having their reasons for attacking the US, a stance he knew may cost him professional opportunities. The interview, by his telling, was hacked and edited in a way to position him as anti-American as possible and this, he writes, ultimately kept him out of the league.

From there, Abdul-Rauf went on an international odyssey playing all over the world with an expected mixed bag of experiences. In parallel, his home life grew and went through its own ups and downs. He was married and had five children, was active in his communities and exhibits a genuine vulnerability in the challenges he faced. In his marriage, his sex life, and personal finances, he details the rough patches, for the most part owning his role and personal failures, but in his relationships, at times seeming to push more of the blame for the failures onto his partners.

Even in areas where Abdul-Rauf either omits truths or seemingly minimizes his own role in relationships (worth noting that he may be telling exactly what happened, just that in my reading, he seems less to blame in each relationship failure and perhaps that's how it actually played out), he exhibits a willingness to explore details and his own motivations in both favorable and unfavorable outcomes. It's a refreshing degree of a full view of a person that's found in strong autobiographies and memoirs and often glossed over in current autobios.

[High Voltage · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an addictive, easy to digest book. Just as a disclaimer, I listened to the audiobook of this rather than reading it.

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf is best known for being the center of a controversy surrounding his stance on the National Anthem in 1996, a full 2 decades before Colin Kaepernick became much more famous for taking a very similar stance. His book begins with this controversy, before Mahmoud goes into his full backstory. He recounts his childhood days (as Chris Jackson) with great detail. I found his tales about poverty, racism and love of basketball to be both inspiring and interesting. He grew up in Mississippi and talks about his upbringing in an entertaining and charming way. His dedication to becoming a better basketball player from such a young age is unusual; he had more discipline as a small child than most adults. His high school career, college days, conversion to Islam and early NBA years are all recounted in great detail.

I'm knocking off one star because the latter stages of the book felt rushed and condensed. Mahmoud essentially just skims over the last several years of his NBA career and all of his time in international basketball.

Overall, a fascinating and rewarding autobiography.

[Tim McLean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! I very much relate to Mahmoud’s amazing journey and inspirational story. Part of the reason I identify with his story so much is because we’re the same age and have similar backgrounds, as it relates to our biological fathers. He is truly a learned man and he imparts a ton of wisdom throughout the book, which I really appreciated. His drive to succeed - at a very young age - was out of this world! I’m motivated to “go” even harder, after learning about some of the things he instinctively did to improve his game and chances at success, at such a young age. I highly recommend this book, to anyone wanting to read an open and honest story, that proves that perseverance and knowledge are two of the most important keys to a successful life!

[LaShanda Chamberlain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being born & raised in Gulfport, MS, I knew Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf. He's about 7-8 years older than I am so I knew of him but I didn't know a lot about his story. I knew he was a basketball legend from our little hometown. He was Chris Jackson back then. Everyone in town knew him & loved to watch him play at B. Frank Brown. It saddens me to think how we missed out on his ultimate greatness because he was pushed out of the league prematurely.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading his story. Not many people would have the courage to make the sacrifices he made.

[Kevin Thang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf was the original Colin Kaepernick before Colin Kaepernick.

One of the best and brightest players of his time,l ended up being blackballed by the NBA because of his outspokenness and religious beliefs. This autobiography takes you through his journey from high school to college to the NBA and the many different countries he continued to play basketball in after the NBA. Dealing with undiagnosed Tourette’s syndrome until he was a teen and his playing career. And his decision to convert to Islam and the backlash that came with it.

[CreativelyRed · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read it inspired by my colleagues love of basketball and MARs career and ability. It was interesting but I struggled with a few of his views and assertions that counter/challenge some of my own but I learned things. If I knew and loved basketball more or was male I think it would connect more with me.

[Ah-Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Subhanallah! It was such a pleasure to read about this Brother’s journey. I’ve always known of him to be stone cold on the court but learning of his spirit, commitment to the cause and his faith was incredible. In life there are not many who are prepared to stand firmly in their truth and adhere firmly to their beliefs but Brother Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf is one of them.

[Jeff Wait · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mahmoud has an incredible story that I was delighted to hear. He was a precursor to Kaepernick, and it cost him his career. But he was still able to gain so much by focusing on learning and growing in the face of adversity. Very inspiring. Highly recommend. Also, his highlights are awesome and I recommend those too.

[Eric C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was aware of Mahmoud the basketball player and the NBA's blackballing him for the "flag" situation. What I did not that his book informed me of, was his upbringing and his off the court situations after the NBA blackballed him. He has his principles and stands firm on them.

[Maliika Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so thankful to Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf for sharing his life with us. I learned so much about his life growing up, Tourette’s syndrome, conversion to Islam and his struggles with the NBA. I especially appreciate the stories of playing basketball in Gulfport,MS and LSU.

[Jacob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars but really zero discussion on the anthem controversy, which would have added depth to the second half of the book. Much attention paid to his upbringing and college years with less pacing/space given to his NBA career. Would have liked to have read more about that.

[Gina Mullen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such an interesting story. He definitely leaves a mixed impression. I’m very glad I read it, - his background and experiences as a child and young man were eye opening. Definitely closer to 3.5 stars.

[Matt M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sooo interesting. A must-read for basketball fans but still a great read for anyone.

[Crystal Mischeaux · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good!!!! I am always a fan of someone who is willing to lose everything to stand for what they believe in.

[Adamdaigle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was way better than I thought it would be. Such a complex individual. His professional career, which was his life, was forever altered basically when he became a Muslim. Which is a shame.

[David Barney · Rating 4 out of 5]

MAR was a fun player to watch play. He could light it up, in college and the NBA. It was sad to see how his career ended, because of his personal and religious beliefs.

[reneeNaDaCherry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read 4/8/2024.

[Wood Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely insane how someone so good can be blackballed from the league for their beliefs

[Stefano Fabbri · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting book, a very interesting story, one of my favourite player ever!!!

[Eric S · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very detailed account of an overlooked phenom

[Jason Scoggins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a superior piece of writing