Unmet Expectations

by Lisa Hughes

Plain and simple, life doesn’t always turn out the way we imagined. Yet, we can respond in God-glorifying ways even when circumstances fall short of our desired hopes and expectations. With practical, biblical counsel from the Scriptures, we have the tools we need to put away sinful responses and be women who smile at the future (Proverbs 31:25). In reshaping how we think about disappointments, trials, and delays, we can grow in contentment, trust, and hope in the unexpected parts of life.
In each chapter we’ll look to the Scriptures for the life-transforming help only God can give. This book is designed to be an aid to growth, which is why inductive Bible study questions accompany each chapter, providing even more treasures from God’s Word for hope and encouragement.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Counselling, Book Club, Christianity, Religion

288 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 7, 2022

Reviews

[Amy Esslinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

The writing style wasn’t always my favorite, but I loved the extensive Puritan quotes and Puritan-rich teaching throughout this book! This is a great resource to use for book studies as well.

[Kristen Rosener · Rating 5 out of 5]

There aren't many books that take me months to read. When I find a good book, I like to gobble it up like a good meal. "Unmet Expectations," however, took me months to finish and while that is partly due to having read it with a group of friends, it is equally due to me savoring every chapter.

I'll begin by saying that the only thing I did not like about this book was the writing style. I am not the "Hey ladies, let's grab our backpack and set off on a pioneer adventure!" type of gal, so using that lingo didn't do anything for me. However, I'm giving this book a 5-star rating based on its content because that matters far more than my personal preference of writing style.

My copy of "Unmet Expectations" is underlined, highlighted, starred, and filled with notes and references. The group chat I was in is full of discussion, confessions, ponderings, and encouragement. There is so much truth and conviction packed into the 288 pages of this book, so I would recommend reading it slowly and taking your time as you read. Lisa Hughes wrote out of her own experience with unmet expectations, sharing that having expectations is not necessarily the problem. The problem is when our responses to "thwarted plans, dismantled hopes, and unanswered prayers" are sinful. When we respond in bitterness or anger to things or situations out of our control, it reveals issues of the heart that we need to acknowledge and bring to the throne of God. Ultimately, it reveals what we think and believe about God and about ourselves.

Lisa covers everything from relationships inside the church, to marriage, failures and embarrassments, to dashed dreams, and full blown traumas, but continually delivers a dose of gospel medicine that is able to keep discontentment at bay. You can tell that she is preaching to herself as she writes to encourage us to have an eternal mindset.

Some favorite quotes:

"Growing in contentment is the first step to overcoming our sinful responses when life just doesn't match up to our notions of how it should proceed." (pg 45)

"The well-traveled path between pride and ingratitude is littered with expectations that God owes us something, or that He should do something for us because we have somehow earned it or deserve it." (pg 61)

"The essence of our heart's theology is how we think about God when circumstances are different than we expected." (pg 93)

In the context of Romans 8:28, Hughes writes, "...there is no part of 'all things' that hasn't been considered by God. Nothing is unknown; every consequence is considered. This means that the expectations we so long to have met, in God's wisdom, remain unmet, for a time and for a purpose." (pg 105)

"God doesn't give third-grade tests to twelfth-grade believers." (pg 195)

"The way to heaven is long and hard. We will stumble at times, dirtying our face in the mud. Yet we'll also rise again, ready to fight against the flesh...The Lord keeps a firm grip upon His children when they fall." (pg 209)

"There are no mistakes with God. You are not powerful enough to derail God's 'determined long ago plan' for your life, nor can someone else's wickedness or plain, old stubbornness shuttle you off into a place God never intended you to be. Your job is to trust Him, to trust and wait and watch the unfolding of His perfectly planned, wise, and loving works for your life." (pg 226)

"Times of testing reveal to us whether we believe God enough to draw near to Him, even when our feelings tempt us to withdraw." (pg 247)

The line that stood out to me the most, and has echoed in my head for months now is this: "My trials are fewer than my sins." When we truly dwell on that thought - that we deserve hell but have been showered with "every spiritual blessing" - it makes our circumstances (however painful in degree) appear as they are in light of eternity: small.

This is a book that is good and beneficial for the soul and one I will regularly revisit.

[Tiffany Youtzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I highly recommend this book to every Christian woman! Mostly because at every point in our lives we run into some kind of disappointment, whether it’s with God, others, or ourselves, and Lisa Hughes does an excellent job working through those disappointments and unmet expectations with grace and truth. The word that comes to mind with this book is “meaty”, as she was very thorough and I had to work through each chapter slowly to really take in the concepts, convictions, and scripture she presents.
This would be a great book to go through with friends, and I especially loved the questions at the end of each chapter with the chance to dive deeper and go through some Scripture.

[Gretchen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up at Parkside Church’s bookstore. I’d never heard of the author or the book. It is long for its kind but I’m so glad bc it accompanied through a season where its words were exactly the prescription to ground my heart and soul. The author constantly drew from Scripture and words of faithful struggling church fathers and mothers of the past to remind me in the present of truth and of hope and of my Father’s care and keeping of me. I’m excited to read and study through this again soon with friends. Excellent.

[Bambi Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is packed full of comfort and encouragement. It is such a great book that after I listened to it on audible, I bought a hard copy too. There were just too many great quotes I wanted to write down, from the author as well as many Puritan gems. It also hits the unusual sweet spot of being meaty and thought provoking and yet it is an easy read. It was recommended to me by two other women whose reading choices I respect, and it did not disappoint. Very, very helpful for Christian growth and trusting God with all the unmet expectations we encounter in life. Highly recommend.

[Jessica Trejo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolute gem. ❤️

[Sydney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really think that every Christian woman needs to read this book. As the other reviews say, she does have some cringey “come with me on this adventure pioneer girls” moments, but the book is so incredibly Biblical and rich other than that. I recommend reading it slowly to let the truths sink in. All of the chapters have similar truths but each have more practical applications to dwell on and store away in your heart. I definitely recommend reading it if you’re in the middle of feelings of unmet expectations as her words and the truths of God’s word and character bring healing.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is packed with solid, Biblical counsel. And sometimes, that’s hard to read, but necessary for the soul. There was a time in my life when this book would have been thrown across the room. However, I now see and appreciate the wisdom in it and I’ve quoted some of it to precious friends facing their own unmet expectations.

The only thing I didn’t like about the book was the “pioneer girl” theme she used. I felt like it was trying too hard. As much as I disliked that, the content is so on-point that I couldn’t dock a star for it.

[Brooke Chessum · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three stars. Wouldn’t discourage someone from reading this but will likely not recommend over other titles. I’m pretty surprised this book has almost 5 stars on all platforms, therefore I will give a more detailed review. If you’re wanting to read a book on contentment (the heart of handling unmet expectations well) I’d commend ‘Choosing Gratitude’ by Nancy Leigh DeMoss or ‘Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment’ to you as a better option.


Let’s start with the positives. The author clearly loves the Lord and desires to communicate this topic which is very near and dear to her, and also pervasive amongst women in the church. Chapters 9-14 were by far the best chapters in the book and I really took a lot from them. The topic of ‘Unmet Expectations’ is looked at by going to scripture. There were some good Puritan quotes that I wrote into my common place. I do appreciate end of chapter questions as well.

However, the negatives:
This book should have really either been a pamphlet book (~ 100 pages) or a Bible study. It transgresses some of my personal pet peeves in writing which are: 1) writing for page count rather than content. Each chapter had double or triple the words needed to effectively communicate an idea. Each new chapter had a header page with the title (that often would give you absolutely no clue as to what the chapter was actually about), a single intro page of a quote related to the topic. The end of the chapter had a page of questions and a hymn or poem to close it out. In addition to that each section just went on way too long. The writing isn’t concise or honestly easy to follow at parts. It really felt obvious the author wanted the book to be a decent size and that caused a lot of extra fluff and unnecessary words to be included. 2) At times felt a little too close for comfort to the book “Choosing Gratitude” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. 3) inconsistent in text quotations of scripture. Please all authors, for the love of all that is good, if you’re writing a book on Christian living and going to study a particular verse in a chapter, quote the passage in text. Sometimes verses would be there prior to their dissection, other times they would be discussed at length but not included in text. Its my own personal preference but my goodness it bugs 🥲

An excess of subheadings made the chapters feel very clunky. The author uses way too many (at times bordering on petty) personal examples to make her point, but I found this detracted from me tracking with her points.

All in all there is always something to glean from works authored by other believers, and I’m thankful for what I can take away, but likely won’t read again.

[Valerie Romero · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read! This book is so well written so as to take apart small areas of our life we're unmet expectations reveal their ugliness. The chapter questions are a time to marinate on the truths of scripture, the promises we have in Christ, and the hope that awaits all believers for eternity! Excellent for individual reading and small groups! truly sanctifying and encouraging!

[Dakotah Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent read. I enjoyed her fun style of writing, but enjoyed the content even more. A very helpful look at how to handle disappointment in a Bible way, from annoyances to trials. I listened to the audiobook, but would recommend getting a hard copy to highlight and answer the great questions at the end of each chapter.

[Becky Philo · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom sent me this book, and though it took me a while to read, I’m glad I read it. It is full of Scripture to turn to if you find yourself living with unmet expectations. I found some of the book repetitive, but I really liked chapters 12 and 14.

[Sarah Moore · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking forward to reading this but had a hard time connecting with it. It used a lot of Scripture and spoke truth and wisdom, but something about the style and approach didn't resonate.

Also, her chapter on marriage left me wanting a lot more. It's titled "What If You Were Married to Nabal" but barely talked about Abigail at all - which I would've loved to hear exposited in this context, especially since I coincidentally had just read her account in a Bible Study. And from what I read in the Bible, Abigail would be an intriguing case study on "respecting your husband" (the main thrust of Hughes's chapter) since she's recognized for basically defying a foolish & wicked husband. I sincerely would love to hear that exposited well, but instead the author spent most of the chapter using Sarah as an example, and never really answers what Abigail might've taught us about living with unmet expectations.
Without studying the passage more in-depth myself, I'm not convinced there's a Biblical precedence that Abigail "respected instead of tolerated" her husband (as the book teaches), nor am I convinced that Abigail's story is meant to be a moral tale for marriage, regardless.

I also wish the disclaimer Hughes makes about abusive marriages came much earlier in the chapter, instead of almost at the end. I think there are a lot of hurting women who could be confused by the chapter and give up reading long before Hughes addresses this all-too-common occurrence. Also, Hughes seems to only make an allowance for physical abuse and doesn't include other kinds of abuse, which is disheartening.

[Amanda Josserand · Rating 5 out of 5]

“It is contrary to the nature of faith for a believer to seek peace in his earthly enjoyment. It is folly to expect any stable peace or solid joy that does not come from Christ as the fountain. O that Christians would learn to live with one eye on Christ crucified and the other on his coming in glory! No wonder you are comfortless when heaven is forgotten. When Christians let fall their heavenly expectations but heighten their earthly desires, they are preparing themselves for fear and trouble. “-Richard Baxter

“If I become content by having my desires satisfied, that is only self-love, but when I am contented with the hand of God, and I’m willing to be at his disposal, that comes from my love to God.”-Jeremiah Burroughs

Only the Lord is big enough, wise enough, grand enough, deep enough to fill our hearts up and ease the continual longing that resides within.

“A Christian should keep two books always by him, one in which to write his sins, that he may be made humble; the other in which to write his mercies, that he may be kept thankful.”-Thomas Watson

“It is indeed natural to us to wish and to plan, and it is merciful of the Lord to disappoint our plans, and to cross our wishes. For we cannot be safe, much less happy, but in proportion as we are weaned from our own wells and made simply desirous of being directed by his guidance.”John Newton

“Heaven is not here; it’s there. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to himself and his still invisible kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.” Elisabeth Elliot

Unmet expectations are not the problem. When we don’t get our own way, it is our unbiblical way of thinking that is the trouble.

Sin makes us super sensitive to the faults of others and insensitive to our own”-Maurice Roberts

“ Pride nourishes the remembrance of injuries; humility forgets as well as forgives them.” RC Chapman

Sustained grieving over our failures and sins, our trips, tumbles, and falls can lock us into a prison of our own making, where we torture ourselves on the rack of “if only.” We can become so demoralized by our past sins and failures that we feel unable to break free, even though God has granted us full pardon and freedom in Jesus Christ. When we allow the memory of former sins to maintain its grip on us we can find it difficult to view our circumstances in a biblical framework and believe that God‘s promises apply to us. We imagine that our past failures dictate our present identity. Yet for those who are in Christ, there is hope! By trusting in Christ alone for salvation and relying on the Lord for strength, we can live in the present completely forgiven with new hearts, new identities, new purposes – new lives. Its as though we’ve entered the witness protection program where the old things have passed away and the new things have begun!

“Affliction reveals the glory of heaven. To the weary, it is rest; to the banished, home; to the scorned, glory; to the captive, liberty; to the warrior, conquest; to the conqueror, a crown of life; to the hungry, hidden manna; to the thirsty, a fountain of life and rivers of pleasure; to the grieved fullness of joy; to the mourner it is pleasures forever more. Heaven is precious and the soul desires to be with Christ, which is best of all.” Thomas Case

What an absolutely splendid book to read! It was very eye opening, convicting and encouraging! I really valued her methodical approach to scripture, the way she focuses on how great our God is, and that she gives practical steps for unbiblical thinking towards our trials! I really loved all of the quotes she used too! This book has really opened my eyes to how I tend to view unmet expectations!

[Elizabeth Overholtzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I think every Christian should read. We all experience unmet expectations, trials, suffering, pressures.... this book is so encouraging with Scriptural truths to guide our thinking biblically. I listened to it on audio book but it was so good, I ordered a hard copy and read it a second time. Each chapter ends with questions to ponder and to search the Scriptures; a great way to let the truths sink in and to apply to our own life.

[Emily Lenhardt · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a study I can tell I'll be going back to over and over!

[Danielle Jensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Between this book and Trusting God by Jerry Bridges, I think most counseling problems could be addressed. Highly recommend.

[Brandy Morgan-davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a blessing and an encouragement to read!

[Neeva Walters · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author talks down to her audience. Poor exegesis of Scripture. The examples she gives of “unmet expectations” give the impression that she’s a bit…self obsessed. A blouse that shrunk…her son asking for his camera back…

Overall, it’s just not an encouraging or helpful read, and certainly not Biblically sound even though she uses verses from the Bible.

[Ambar Marcelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! It quickly became one of my favorites. Each chapter examined, diagnosed, and prescribed what you needed to continue in your walk with God and bring Him glory. I am thankful for Lisa Hughes writing this book. It’s unforgettable and often recommended.

[Rosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is SO GOOD!! It's hard to adequately state how good this book is. The author goes beyond the superficial aspects of the Christian life and deals with deep heart issues related to unmet expectations, disappointments, misunderstandings, hurts, trials, and times when God is seemingly silent. She doesn't just discuss the issues, but digs deeper to reveal the root of why we so often respond incorrectly and shows the reader how those responses are wrong and even sinful. Hughes then guides the reader to see how God desires to use these things to grow us, and how in His sovereignty He has allowed it.

While this book is written for women, I think it is equally helpful to a Christian man. I can't emphasize how valuable the principles in this book are to a Christian's life. I highly recommend it!!

"When we understand what we've been saved from, we will be less likely to chafe against the sanctification process God chooses for us."
- p. 100

"We will never come to terms with unmet expectations in our lives unless we see that God is righteous in all His ways, good in His dealings, and sovereign over all." - p. 107

"To quarrel with the instruments of God used for our correction is to quarrel with God Himself. It is in fact, to say to Him, 'I don't approve of Thy government, and I could order matters better if they were left to me.' What is this but to aim at casting down God from His throne, and setting ourselves thereon?" - R.C. Chapman, p. 212

"Our hearts are difficult to know and discern, so God uses trials, pressures, and unmet expectations to reveal what is in them and to bring about change." - p. 244

[Jessica Whitmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been such an encouragement to me! While dealing with a "season of waiting", and various trials since our daughter was born, my husband and I have been seeking out books that delve into what scripture has to say about trials, delays and waiting on God. This book was wonderful; it is geared more for women, although I'm sure men would benefit from reading it, too. Lisa Hughes did a wonderful job of reminding us of people from scripture who also struggled and had unmet expectations of which we can learn and relate (Hezekiah, Joseph, Job), as well as using stories from her own life. I wasn't always a fan of the author's tone towards us (the readers), as how the author addresses and tries to connect to her readers was too "bubbly" at times. Regardless I gave it 5 stars because it truly is wonderful and encouraging, and I wrote down so many quotes to keep handy. There are also a treasure trove of wonderful poems and quotes from other Christian authors and theologians that the author quotes from. "If you desire to live for God, then every circumstance, every difficulty, every unmet expectation becomes an opportunity for you to give Him glory through it." ~Lisa Hughes

[Barbara Stoops · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started this book back in the summer but wanted to take my time and truly absorb all the insightful words and verses. It has become a great book to finish out 2023...and start 2024.

One of the big things I realized as I read through this book is how easy it is to go from "justified" complaints to a spirit of rebellion that refuses to see God's goodness in our every day lives. Yes, I've had some pretty awful things happen to me in the past year and a half (can we say cancer and pulmonary fibrosis????) but I must guard my heart against thinking my life is diminished or my God isn't paying enough attention to me because of these major bumps in the road. Learning to simply accept what God has given me and to glorify Him in the midst of my unmet expectations bring peace and a sense of closeness to my Heavenly Father. I am grateful to this book for reminding me that God is still in control.

[Cassi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s remarkable how many of our disappointments and trials boil down to this idea of unmet expectations. Things are hard for us because we thought things would happen a certain way, but instead, the stories of our lives unfold in ways we never would have predicted or desired, and therefore we struggle. This book points women to God’s Word and encourages them to look at difficulties from His perspective rather than ours. The lower star rating is for relatively insignificant and subjective elements — I thought the book was longer than it needed to be, and I would have structured it differently. The author’s writing style was not always my favorite. But the truths contained in this book are priceless, and it has helped me reframe my thinking when it comes to acknowledging and dealing with life’s unmet expectations in a way that honors the Lord and works for my good.

[Alexandra Lambdin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I joined in my church’s Women’s Summer book read. Initially, I judged the book by its cover and wasn’t exactly excited to read it. However, that quickly changed. This has become one of my favorite Christian books to date. It’s both practical and challenging.

Here’s a little sneak peek of the goodness within:

Survival Kit
* I am a sinner and I’m not receiving what I deserve.

* My trials are fewer than my sins.

* If I am experiencing unmet expectations, it is because God has deemed it good for me.

* The Lord will never disappoint me.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

[Joy Wettstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has solid biblical content about how to think biblically about our expectations, unmet desires, and trials. I found her list of “bottom line thinking” helpful and will come back to it when I’m disappointed and struggling with feeling sorry for myself:
1. I am a sinner and I don’t receive what I deserve.
2. My trials are fewer than my sins.
3. If I am experiencing unmet expectations, it is because God has deemed it good for me.
4. The Lord will never disappoint you.

Although the content was sound, I struggled with the author’s delivery and writing style, which was a little wordy and flowery/cheesy for my liking. It could have been written much more concisely.

Summer book club with Ann!

[Deb Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Convicting book on how we deal with expectations, particularly when they are not met. Trials, disappointments, failures of friends and spouses to measure up - we all deal with these throughout our lives. How we respond to them is telling. This book points back to God and His sovereignty over all that happens to us. For the believer, all is part of God's plan to bring Him glory and to do us good. Keeping our focus on God and trusting in His purposes helps us to face unmet expectations and respond to them in a way that honors God.

[Alina Terrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this during a year my family experienced a very big transition and when we faced a lot of unknowns. But I read it in community with a group of wonderful ladies who love the Lord and wanted to grow and challenge their faith. This book teaches us how to view God, pain and affliction, our sin, our hope, and the purposes of God in our afflictions: using the whole council of Scripture. To properly understand pain and suffering, we need a right understanding of Scripture and a right understanding of God. Read this book if you are experiencing unmet expectations and you are questioning why God would allow these things to happen to you or someone you love. We have hope in Christ!

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book on so many levels. Every one of us has had expectations that have been unmet in the way we wanted or thought would happen. This book teaches us how to see these difficulties from God's perspective so that we run to Him in faith rather than turn against Him in frustration.
Not that it's easy, but it is possible by God's grace to deal with life's disappointments, to persevere and to focus on how God works them for our good and His glory.
I highly recommend this book to everyone!

[Jamie Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book, highly recommend for all. In talking with others and in my own life, I truly believe that unmet expectations are a main source of our unhappiness and discontentment. If we understand that ALL our circumstances are in the hands of our Sovereign, wise, loving Father, we can rest in that and not be frustrated. We can know that ALL things are for our good, making us more like Christ, and we can lay our hope in that.