"In those days I learned that nothing is more frightening than a hero who has lived to tell his story, to tell what all those who fell at his side will never be able to tell."
Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Shadow of the Wind
When I think of Mr. Sammler, do I see a hero or a villain or a victim or all at once? Does he see the world clearly or is he drowning? Is he realist or pessimist? Is he a man of yesterday, of today or of tomorrow? And does it really matter? When we start to realize that the world of today is only a fraction of a bigger reality that sweeps all that is good and leaves us only with memories of what it was and, what is even worse, of what might have been, do we remember to look back with a clear consciousness or do we persist in our determination to settle a score, to drive away the demons, to pretend that we are more or less than what we are? Mr. Sammler doesn’t live in the world of today, but does he belong to any world? Does he belong to himself? It is in our power to remember and to forget, it is in our power to hope and to let go, but it is not in our power to belong. With our ability to remember and to hope and to learn and to be afraid we belong to all ages and times and to none.
"And mankind had never lived without its possessing demons and had to have them back! Oh, what a wretched, itching, bleeding, needing, idiot, genius of a creature we were dealing with here! And how queerly it was playing with all the strange properties of existence, with all varieties of possibility, with antics of all types, with the soul of the world, with death. Humankind could not endure futurelessness."
We are all nomads. We roam through time’s realms, restless and ever searching for more, but is there always more? Does the human spirit have its limits? And when it reaches those limits, is this a sign of contentment or resignation, loss of faith maybe? Mr. Sammler, like most of us, keeps the wheel turning, but has given up on the journey.
"But for himself, at his time of life and because he had come back from the other world, there were no rapid connections. His own first growth of affections had been consumed. His onetime human, onetime precious, life had been burnt away. More green growth rising from the burnt black would simply be natural persistency, the Life Force working, trying to start again."
But does his mundane, day to day life strip him of grandeur or does it keep it in its place, unmovable, inexorable, very much like the cold within his tortured soul?
A few may comprehend that it is the strength to do one's duty daily and promptly that makes saints and heroes.
I asked once a person many years ago “Why do you always criticize me when I’m doing bad, but never praise me when I’m doing good?” I was told “Why should I praise you for something that is merely the way it should be?” I have always thought that if something is important enough to be chastised about it, when it’s not going right, then it is important enough to be given an encouragement when it is. Because doing the right thing, keeping it together, being strong and reliable isn’t something that happens on its own. It is a choice we make. A choice that deserves others’ support and our own faith. My friend Jeffrey told me about his family “We aren’t big with praise, but not hard with condemnations either” I think that’s valid for Mr. Sammler as well. He spares you the desert, but also spares you the broccoli. And maybe this is the reason for his status among those who care for him:
Mr. Sammler had a symbolic character. He, personally, was a symbol. His friends and family had made him a judge and a priest.
Some may see him as devoid of passion, of colour, of life, but amongst all the fear and frustration there is a glimmer of hope that sticks with him. Because when there is fear, there is also hope. If we are afraid, then we have something to lose. If we have something to lose, then we have something to hold on to. But is he as gentle with himself? He remembers clearly the man he was when he relished taking a human life, but what does he feel toward this man? It is not anger that leads him anymore, it is not a bloodlust, it is not even a desperation. Maybe not even hope. Despite the fact that he still has some of it, generally he is really beaten down. He has lost his will to live. Many would say that this makes him the ultimate pessimist. I would say that it makes him, in a way, the ultimate optimist. Because just like true saints and heroes are not just those who do miraculous and extraordinary deeds, but those who adhere to their duties stalwartly, the true optimist is not only the one who believes and hopes against all odds, but the one who has lost his happiness, his passion, his spark, his will to live, but goes on living anyway. Because he has to, because it is his life. The one who thinks about and cares about things and people despite having lost his faith in them, because they are his, because they are a part of him in very much the same way he is part of them. A man who doesn’t want to be part of the world, who doesn’t believe in it and its future, yet, he will not abandon it and he will not stop caring for it. In Grey’s Anatomy Meredith Grey’s therapist told her…Well, I cannot provide an exact quite, but the gist was basically this: “The goal of your sessions isn’t happiness. Life is scary, terrible things happen. It is hard to be happy. What you need to make sure of is that you won’t die because of them” Meredith herself said “If at the end of the day you are still able to stand on your feet, this is a reason enough to celebrate” This might be a too gloomy outlook, but I see a lot of sense in it and a lot of courage. I think everyone should hope for more than mere surviving and sanity, but I also think that we need to remember that happiness isn’t granted. It is there for us to look for it and hopefully find it. If we think that it should be there in order for us to go on, we may never find it. I will end this review with something I read in an interview a while ago. Life is not about avoiding suffering. It’s about creating meaning.
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