I Would Leave Me If I Could

by Halsey

Grammy Award–nominated, platinum-selling musician Halsey is heralded as one of the most compelling voices of her generation. In I Would Leave Me If I Could, she reveals never-before-seen poetry of longing, love, and the nuances of bipolar disorder.

Genres: Poetry, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Mental Health, LGBT, Feminism, Queer

144 pages, Hardcover

First published November 10, 2020

About the author

Halsey, born Ashley Nicolette Frangipane, is a Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter and recipient of the prestigious Songwriters Hall of Fame’s Hal David Starlight Award. She lives in Los Angeles, California.

Reviews

[Jack Edwards · Rating 2 out of 5]

This collection reads as if Halsey sent the first draft to her editors and they just published it without checking what it said

[Joel Rochester · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some good poems in this, and I do think Halsey shows some skill as a writer! However, I do feel that this did need some more editing and refining when it came to some of her poems — some of her poems tended to continue on when they could've just ended.

But nevertheless, it was a great experience to hear her read out her poetry!

[ashleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

wowowowow
what a stunning collection of poetry. Halsey's ability to capture different emotions, the beautiful and the ugly and the complicated, is masterful. I technically read through this twice, once and then again with the audiobook, marking and underlining with my pen, and tabbing my "favorites" which almost ended up being every other poem. There were lines that stopped me in my tracks because of how clearly I saw my own experiences reflected in her words. I'm so so grateful she gave us these pieces of herself.

before reading:
if i stan anyone it’s halsey

she’s posted snippets of poetry before and her lyrics are *chef’s kiss* so i know this’ll be good.

[s · Rating 1 out of 5]

halsey is a great songwriter, but she is no poet. these were just painfully amateur :( it makes me wonder if she even reads poetry on her own because this is how i wrote before i started reading poetry regularly and actually became acquainted with the art. these read more like diary entries that she split apart randomly--the form was just so clumsy. also maybe i am hypercritical but don’t. do. this. when. you. want. to. emphasize. something. it has the opposite effect, at least for me. she obviously has some handle on language (that’s why i love her music!), but she definitely needed more practice. i would not have published this.

i also don’t enjoy self-loathing poetry much anymore, so that could have contributed to why i didn’t like this. BUT i still know how to recognize when a poem is well-constructed and well-written, even when i dislike the subject matter. these poems were sadly neither.

[April (Aprilius Maximus) · Rating 4 out of 5]

"LISTEN

And then yell
at the top of your lungs.
Be a voice
for all those
who have prisoner tongues,
for the people
who had to grow up
way too young,
there is work to be done,
there are songs to be sung,
Lord knows there's a
war
to be
won."

representation: Black author.

[trigger warnings are listed at the bottom of this review and may contain spoilers]

★★★★

NOW THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE POETRY. none of those simple sentences broken up by hitting the space bar. These were COMPLEX with their structure and wordplay. This was probably the best poetry collection I've read (and I'm not a poetry fan to begin with!).

trigger warnings: rape and sexual abuse, drugs, abusive relationships, miscarriage.

[Randi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Halsey's music. But this poetry was...not good. It felt like unedited Tumblr posts or journal entries formatted to just look like poetry. It didn't work for me.

[anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

BITCH

if u didn't know, halsey is my favorite human on this entire planet and I admire her writing so so much.

I am beyond excited for this!


nov 8 2020
as amazing as expected. rtc

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

i love halsey and was excited to see she was releasing a poetry collection. and i enjoyed it! gonna list out some positives and negatives:

positives:
- you can tell she is a songwriter by her use of rhyme scheme and rhythm
- she was able to explore a variety of themes in a sensitive way
- i liked that this was confessional whilst also reminding me a lot of beat poetry!

negatives:
- repetitive at times
- the work did fall into cliche quite a bit
- i think many works could have done with more editing. some poems felt like maybe they should have been expanded into essays/short stories cos they didn't really work as poems. many of the poems here seem to arbitrarily structured (which i know is a trend in free verse poetry) but they maybe could have been turned into prose poetry cos it felt they were being spaced that way to make the book reach a certain number of pages

[♠ TABI⁷ ♠]

I've been kinda in awe of Halsey for years now so of course I'm gonna read this ALSO I JUST REALIZED WE'RE THE SAME AGE OR SHE'S YOUNGER SO UHHHHHHHH

idk why it always weirds me out when someone I admire and respect as an artist is LITERALLY my age ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is to remind you that you are a lover.
That you melt at a glance
at a touch.
That you are a baby.
You are soft and fragile
and you need someone to tell you
that everything is going to be okay.
That you are an idiot
and you are going to fuck up
1 million more times the rest of your life.
But this is to remind you
that you are a statue, gilded in marble,
and there is white lightning in your eyes.
Change shape.
Give in.

(from "something for them")

i think this is the most lyrical and clever poetry collection i've read thus far. many of the poems could double as songs. i'm not as big of a halsey fan as i'd like to be (sometimes her voice bugs me), but i was happy to be able to enjoy this collection! it's occasionally cliché, but most of it is beautifully written and intensely resonant.

[Liam O'Leary · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would unread this if I could.


These are lyrics that never made the cut, and the best poems are other people's tragedies. I think the best poem might have been her talking about how she could only love someone who hates her Dad, because it seemed like the most honest thing written. Basically every poem is about her having sex, or leaking a fluid from somewhere, and so it feels like it is flailing for attention.

A lot of this doesn't feel like it is coming from any place of commitment or identity and so it feels like hollow drama. It is inspiring only in that it shows the poetry most of us would write, had we the guts or the fortune of already being famous, could be published and popular.

If the stories speak to anyone then I can see that, but as a work of poetry this book is extremely hard to defend on any ground, other than maybe the cover art.

[Rachel Oates · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full video review:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_Ze1...

[Sophie · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW, HOLY CRAP.

Naive me when starting this had taken my sparkly little sticky tabs to mark up the book and save quotes that I liked, but little did I know that they'd be useless because every single poem in this book is BEAUTIFUL.

I was not expecting that.

If you're not familiar, Halsey is a singer-songwriter. I guess why this book caught me so off guard is because her music isn't anything like the poetry in here. I don't think her songs are bad, per se, I just don't think they're necessarily that deep or different from your standard pop music. But nothing is off the table in this heart-wrenching collection of poetry where Halsey talks openly and honestly about mental illness, her abusive relationships, and being a rape survivor.

Her prose is unparalleled to anything I've ever read before. Adding it to my Amazon wishlist, I have a new favorite poetry collection (:

[steph · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm going to be very blunt: This tried to put its heart on its sleeve, its mind negotiated that sprinklings of truth were enough to make even the most faithless man regain sight. In the end, however, what is left when the illusion crumbles? That's what I ask myself when reading poetry because I do write poetry, mostly as a hobby and if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that you must be willing to line every inch of wording with honesty. How else is connection formed? Certainly not through the partaking of quirky phrases and try hard manifestations. Anyway, all this is to say that Halsey is great as a musician and she should work with that. Yeah.

[Noura Khalid (theperksofbeingnoura) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Halsey has been one of my favorite artists for a while now. I can't explain how happy I am to have been given the chance to read and review this. This collection brings so much of Halsey's experiences to readers. I will admit that some of these were hard to read as they explore some heavy topics (something to keep in mind). If you love her music and are looking for more then these words are definitely what you should read. I enjoyed a lot of these and there were some poems that gave me goosebumps and I needed to take a moment to think.

So grateful to Simon & Schuster for the gifted review copy!

[The Belladonna · Rating 3 out of 5]

“The way you take over my entire body and mind
like you’re putting your own personal filter over the lens of my life
so that I see it in your colors.
And my hands shake
and I swallow hard
when I realize how much nicer life looks in your saturation.”

Like poetic journal entries, Halsey lets you peer into a collection of raw emotional moments from her life.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was excellent. Singers writing poetry just makes sense. Halsey gets it 🍂🍃🌿

[persephone ☾ · Rating 4 out of 5]

the imagery was captivating, the writing incredibly vivid but the poems were a little too repetitive at times.

[Iz · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't know what's worse -- ending 2020 reading this or starting 2021 reading this. Unfortunately, both happened to me. I normally don't rate books I do not finish, however this book was definitely the worst thing I read in 2020.

Given Halsey's tumultuous past and not-so-bad pop songs, I gave this collection of poetry a chance. What I was met with was a mish-mash of "goodnight moon children rhyme" meets whyte feminism. The poems read like incompleted song lyrics and were far too "sing song-y" and quite honestly: basic as f*ck.

A friend told me some of these poems were written more than 10 years ago, and in that case, I think if Halsey (or her publisher) had added the date each poem was written at the bottom, I would have been more forgiving. However at the same time, I can't believe someone(s) really let her publish some of the poems in this collection... I wanted to power through and finish it, but I felt like it would truly be a waste of my time & I would get angrier that many poets/artists with less social notoriety deserve to be published far more than she does.

This all being said, if you think Rupi Kaur is the best poet and author of the 2000s & 2010s, I'm sure you'll love this book. However, I have taste.

And I would much rather support queer womxn/femmes of color that do not plagiarize off their own community and sell out for big profits.

[Ryan Kovatch · Rating 5 out of 5]

When all your lovers
start to die.
You wake alone
and wonder why
they left you here
to document the wreckage.

Halsey's I Would Leave Me If I Could is a relentless, gripping collection of poetry. It lives and breathes and chokes and heaves every sky-high and sinister fume of life. Her capacity to observe, imagine, and portray is something remarkable.

It's also an excellent complement to her discography. Several of the poems draw parallels to or directly inspire some of the lyrics in Halsey's music, which is always fascinating to see. There's even some Badlands-era material!

Content warning: there are stories in here directly depicting and/or implicating rape and abuse. Her unabashedness makes for incredibly compelling pieces, but also some particular parts that may be difficult for some readers. Be wary of these.

[ainsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.65 stars- edited.

A preface: I do adore Halsey. I have loved her faithfully since Badlands, and for the most part, am largely supportive of everything that she does. Sometimes to a slightly delusional extent. Segueing to my next point, my previous review was very generous. Upon re-reading, I have some edits to make. I am still a touch biased, but now I have gone through both a poetry class and creative writing class and am at least somewhat qualified, so here we go.

So, The Good. I loved the emotional weight of her poetry, and the images she created. The gritty-americana, sweaty-summer in L.A vibes are right up my alley, that juxtaposition of beauty and violence in mundanity. I thought that her craft was strong- her technique was pretty good, there was a clear voice and purpose, and the style was quite interesting, probably honed by her songwriting. The stories she told I really enjoyed, and her exploration of trauma and love and loss and feminism were really fascinating. There were some really strong poems in there- "Everything", "Fun Girl" and "Powerless" were standouts for me. In short, I think her intention was strong, but her execution was not all-the-way-there yet. Now, transitioning to The Not-As-Good. My main issue with this is that I don't think that it was edited enough. At least 1/3 of these poems did not need to be in here- they were either not contributing enough, or needed to be run through the workshop a couple more times. This main issue branched out in a couple of ways- firstly, I found that images were getting repeated, and I was starting to lose interest at the end. Watermelons came up quite a bit, and so did Chelsea smiles- those were both very unique and poignant images the first time but they lost their weight after they were repeated multiple times. A few of the poems in general were quite repetitive, and it just took their impact away. In a couple of places, the poems were also leaning into abstractions and cliches. I think that for a first try, this was not bad, but it definitely needed a few more runs through the workshop.

[Irmak ☾ · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love Halsey's music but most of this collection felt like the “outcast” main characters diary entries about how hard her life has been ever since she was born and the boy she fell in love with after talking to him 3 times.

Some topics were really important, however I think they weren't very well written or flashed out.

[ivy · Rating 3 out of 5]

three important notes:
1) three stars is not a bad rating
2) halsey is one of my favorite artists, and my top spotify artists for at least two years in a row
3) just because you can relate to a poem's content, it doesn't mean it's a good poem

i felt like a could relate to so many individual lines of these poems, yet i really struggled to like the poems in their entirety
it really felt to me like she kept running in circles, reusing the same imagery and the same metaphors -- and it could have felt like it was a sort of a theme, or like binding the poems together, but overall it just felt incoherent to me.

halsey is a wonderful lyricist, and i love her music precisely because i can relate to so many of her lyrics, but this just didn't feel good enough.
i felt particularly cheated when i found song lyrics in some of the poems -- it felt like cheating to me, somehow

i know this is not a very coherent review, but i'm just mostly disappointed with this collection of poems. it was really raw, both in terms of how much of herself halsey exposed, but also as in, unpolished and unfinished.
i am a big believer in form and content, and while i liked a lot of the content, there was just no form to it. take cummings, for example, who doesn't have evident structure to his poems, but there he is still trying to say something with the way the poems are structured. there was none of that here.

some of this felt so close to me, it's like i wrote it, but it still wasn't enough for me.

[aLirEza nEjaTi · Rating 3 out of 5]

What will be left
when I have broken all of my favorite things?
When the glue of sweet apologies
and bat eyelashes no longer repairs them?
What will be left when I have shattered it all?
Carelessly, it will evade my grasp.
And I will have
nothing

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

"i feel like i'm made of plastic
i breathe and it doesn't reach my lungs
i eat and i don't taste
i cry and there's no burn in my nose anymore."

je l'aime je l'aime je l'aime

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

She just knows how to punch me in the gut with her words.

[Alyssa Thomas]

Beautiful cover! Can't wait to see this book on my shelf.

[andi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I WOULD give this book more than 5 stars IF I COULD. i feel like there's no rating that could capture how much i really loved this. i was excited for this from the first moment that i've seen it and i had a pretty valid reason i would say: because this was PERFECT. i can't find any bad thing about it nor i will try to because there isn't. i've learned in my literature class this semester that poetry was known as a "spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings" and this book feels EXACTLY like this. Halsey's style of writing poetry is this beautiful stream of consciousness, a very confessional style, that feels more like a putting-your-thoughts-on-paper kind of writing than actual poetry writing and i think this is better than anything because it just shows how raw and honest she can be. this book is addicting, i said that i'm gonna take it slow and i found myself reading 50 pages in the first day and then finishing it 3 days later (i am still coming back to it everyday tho) because i couldn't stop. i love all the themes she writes about and i loved the fact that she let us in with this one and i feel like i got to know so many personal aspects of her life and somehow i am closer to Ashley now, rather than Halsey.
such an amazing read, i recommend this to everyone.

[Jenny (Reading Envy) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I poked around Libby and Hoopla to see which new poetry collections were available to me through my library and found both Halsey and Lana Del Rey (which I will read soon.) I like the idea of singer-songwriters publishing poetry, after all what is a song but a poem. So even though I wouldn't say I'm Halsey's #1 fan, I was interested in seeing her work.

Remember LiveJournal? I just kept thinking of the unfiltered bare-your-soul nature of that space and that is what comes across here. And while some of it might be poetic, it's more emotional, and it has the feeling of not being revised much if at all. (That could be her style and intentional; I found it hard to tell.) This is the kind of poetry people write in the dark to work through relationships and dark times.

One theme I found interesting is how much a famous person can struggle to be seen, and valued, by individuals in their lives.

[Jennie Damron · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore Halsey and her music. I listen to her music and soothes me. I actually have her album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom playing on repeat in my car. It's the soundtrack to what I am going through right now. My daughter bought me this book of Halsey's poetry as a surprise knowing I am a huge fan. I was so excited to read it because I love her songs. Her poems are just as good. So raw, so gritty. She does not mince her words. She has hurt, been hurt been abused, and has fought and cried. Some of the poems made me want to take a shower and some of the poems made me want to hug her and tell her I won't let anyone hurt you anymore. Halsey truly has a gift with words and I am so glad she has gifted the world with her talent.