This Boy We Made: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown

by Taylor Harris

Winner of the Clara Johnson AwardHurston Wright Legacy Award NomineeFinalist for the Library of Virginia's Literary AwardsFinalist for the 2023 Southern Book PrizeA Black mother bumps up against the limits of everything she thought she believed—about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith—in search of the truth about her son.One morning, Tophs, Taylor Harris’s round-cheeked, lively twenty-two-month-old, wakes up listless, only lifting his head to gulp down water. She rushes Tophs to the doctor, ignoring the part of herself, trained by years of therapy for generalized anxiety disorder, that tries to whisper that she’s overreacting. But at the hospital, her maternal instincts are something is wrong with her boy, and Taylor’s life will never be the same.With every question the doctors answer about Tophs’s increasingly troubling symptoms, more arise, and Taylor dives into the search for a diagnosis. She spends countless hours trying to navigate health and education systems that can be hostile to Black mothers and children; at night she googles, prays, and interrogates her every action.Some days, her sweet, charismatic boy seems just fine; others, he struggles to answer simple questions. A long-awaited appointment with a geneticist ultimately reveals nothing about what’s causing Tophs’s drops in blood sugar, his processing delays—but it does reveal something unexpected about Taylor’s own health. What if her son’s challenges have saved her life?This Boy We Made is a stirring and radiantly written examination of the bond between mother and child, full of hard-won insights about fighting for and finding meaning when nothing goes as expected.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Parenting, Medical, Biography Memoir, Race, Health

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 11, 2022

Reviews

[Amerie]

The Amerie's Book Club selection for January 2022 is THIS BOY WE MADE by Taylor Harris!
Stay connected via @AmeriesBookClub on IG, and join me and Taylor Harris @WritingForIceCreamDuh on my IGLIVE (@Amerie) at the end of January. Bring your questions!

Taylor Harris' memoir explores motherhood, the intersections of healthcare and Black parenthood in particular, and the anxiety-ridden process of questioning the burdens we may inadvertently place upon our children, whether through nurture or nature. With strength, vulnerablity, and no small dose of candor, Harris takes us through her faith-filled journey, which felt both familiar and new as I held my breath during every potential reveal, praying and hoping for little Tophs and the people I came to know through this heartfelt portrait of a family.
📚
#AmeriesBookClub #ReadWithAmerie #ThisBoyWeMade @Catapult @WritingForIceCreamDuh #TaylorHarris

ABOUT TAYLOR HARRIS
Taylor Harris is a writer, wife, and mom of three who lives in Charlottesville, Virginia. Her work has appeared in TIME, O Quarterly, The Washington Post, Longreads, The Cut, Romper, Parents, McSweeney’s, and other publications.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an unusual book and should appeal to a variety of readers. First of all, she is a Black mother talking about Black lives. Secondly, she is a devote Christian (balanced with a realistic and humorous character). And most importantly she is the mother of a child who is unique--unique because there is no label for what he has and who he is from a medical point of view, though it is obvious to the medical world that he does have a kaleidoscope of medical issues going on.

Harris presents the life of her family and her son in a loving and descriptive way. Tophs is no less than any of her other children. He's amazing, actually.

She also freely admits to her own privilege and that of her family's privilege due to their education and economic circumstances.

I hope this will be widely read by anyone with a child that defies description. And in a sense, don't we all have children like that?

It's an easy read and you'll want to keep going until the end. It would be an excellent choice for a book club since there is so much to unpack here.

And I'm a fan and rooting for this family!!

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

One morning, Taylor Harris and her husband (an African American family based in Charlottesville, Virginia) found their 22-month-old son Christopher, nicknamed “Tophs,” awake but unresponsive in his crib. In the years that followed, she and his doctors looked for answers as to why his body couldn’t regulate his blood sugar levels, sometimes leading to seizures, and to why his speech and mental processing remained delayed. All their tests and theories have never amounted to a conclusive diagnosis. This was a book that repeatedly surprised me. I’d assumed it would be exclusively about the medical mystery of Tophs’s physical and intellectual disability. But Harris elegantly weaves in a lot of other themes, too: mental illness, her own physical concerns (a BRCA2 mutation), racism, faith, and advocating for her children’s health and education.

See my full review at BookBrowse. (See also my related article on BRCA gene mutations and prophylactic mastectomy surgery.)

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Taylor Harris writes about her son Toph and his medical symptoms that she intuitively *knows* are not right. She knows that something is not right, but she also knows that as a black woman that she must check herself in her interactions with medical professionals. For example, a Caucasian mother has the freedom to interact with Drs/Nurses without judgment, while she as a black mother has to be careful not be viewed as aggressive and demanding. How can Harris demand the best medical care for her son all the while knowing that she has to walk that tightrope of internal restraint?
A wonderful memoir.

* I read an advance copy and was not compensated.

[Traci Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked a lot about this book and also found parts to be lacking. The writing is very good but a bit scattered. This look into healthcare with a Black mother as a guide was unique and necessary in the literary landscape. There are many untended to threads that never get resolved or brought up again, or there are things that are glossed over that needed more depth.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up last night to read a few pages before turning off the light. I couldn't put it down. I read every word of the acknowledgments (which I NEVER do) because I didn't want to miss anything she had to say. Harris writes with such honesty about topics that we all share. Her section about the intersectionality of raising a black boy and a boy with processing issues is so powerful. I just loved this book.

[Maureen Grigsby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful memoir of a mother’s love for her son who has medical and developmental issues that can’t be identified by the medical and educational establishments. I am in awe of her persistence in the face of very difficult odds!

[Snem · Rating 3 out of 5]

There really is a whole universe of things we don’t know about the human body. Not exactly comforting! I want doctors to know everything and fix it. Fascinating how Toph’s testing led to revelations for others. Also fascinating the role race plays in every interaction they had with doctors, school administrators and the level of care poc are getting.

I don’t vibe with the Christianity stuff, it’s just not my bag. I found the writing a little scattered. I also wanted a little more about her generalized anxiety disorder and how that impacted her coping with all these challenges.

This was a pretty interesting book, it made me think quite a bit.

[Charlotte Vazquez · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most beautiful, real, vulnerable, poetic, and profound books I’ve ever read. How brave it is to tell an unfinished story, and Taylor Harris does it remarkably. And all of the Charlottesville references made this book hit a lot closer to home:’) This is one I won’t soon forget!

[Jeanette · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are problems with diagnosis for numerous metabolic or brain function diseases or abnormalities. Few people realize how many and varied. I carry one and do I know it. Many have no names. Others do have names. But nevertheless are determined only after a whole lot of other tracks to "ruling out".

This is a memoir of a mother and the answers to her son's conditions. Varied at times. Also her own tale of long term anxiety and depression core the entire. And other racial and religious testimonies are entwined.

This was interesting to me as endrocine system genetic difficulty situations are rife through a branch of my maternal line. My first cousin's child has a boy with a very similar low blood sugar roller coaster. Almost contrary to Type 1 diabetes.

It's written in scattered continuity. But definitely worth the effort despite the poor prose flow. And despite her continually using the racism card as if no one ever gets their urine test lost or has doctor issues because of their particular rarer genetic markers or ethnic identity.

I sure wish the use of antidepressants during pregnancy was covered in a much deeper manner here too.

[Desi A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, that was quite a book. I had been looking forward to reading this since I heard it was coming out, partly because I have read several of Harris’ essays and I knew she was a good writer with a compelling story to tell, and partly because her story inhabits the literal world of Charlottesville I live in. I’m pretty sure I saw her in Target once, years ago.

This was a lovely, often heart-wrenching memoir that I identified with in many ways, as a mother with my own medical and emotional issues. But I am not raising a son with anything particularly complex in his life, nor am I Black, and Harris illuminates the intersection of these experiences deftly, with tenderness, anger, humor, and wisdom. I’m very glad to have read this.

As an aside, it is strange to read a book about your own still smallish community and encounter people in the story whom you know of or have met before.

[Renee Branson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a sermon on what it means to mother in the midst of crisis. Taylor is able to depict that often-overlooked truth that to be attuned to our children and their needs, we must also be willing to be attuned to ourselves. What do we carry with us into our mothering and what must we be willing to set down? She embodies what it is to be a fierce advocate for her child...which is hard enough on a level playing field, but unrelenting in a medical and educational system built for whiteness.
Also, she talks a lot about ice cream and I'm always down for a scoop.
Read this book.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little bittersweet, but mostly sweet. What a special family with three beautiful children. Glad they were able to keep advocating for themselves through the systemic racism that is our medical machine. Also glad they found peace even though they still seek answers. Something tells me they are all going to be ok.

[Kate Webb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did having seen the author in Nashville. The book jumped around and there was a lot of talk about health problems of others than just her son. Still learned a few things about being black in America and the stress of medical care and education.

[Julia Reinhardt · Rating 3 out of 5]

my one educational book of the year

[Hannah Gross · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel lucky to have crossed paths with the Harris family in Charlottesville, Paul’s lectures and Taylor’s words have made such an impact on me. Highly rec this memoir!

[Sharde' · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good memoir. The author tells story of her son who has a medical condition that is undiagnosable. Then in turn she learns of an unexpected genetic condition about herself. Focus is on motherhood, navigating medical and educational systems as a Black family with a child with a disability. At the end of the book, the pandemic’s impact is mentioned as well as her husband being denied tenure at UVA which made national news, so I’m sure this memoir could’ve went on even longer, if those stories were told.

[Cook Memorial Public Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

A 2022 staff favorite recommended by Jean. Read her review on our blog, Shelf Life: https://shelflife.cooklib.org/2022/04...

Check our catalog: https://encore.cooklib.org/iii/encore...

[Malia Sample · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written in every way. A very special thing to get to read a book written by someone who called Charlottesville home—loved the Bodo’s and Shenandoah Joe’s references:))

“I cannot pretend to understand how we are formed by God, seen and known in the Before, then born in fragile, resilient bodies that hurtle toward growth and decay. Yet we are seen and not abandoned. My God, this is hard.”

[Kade · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this memoir was very compelling. Maybe it’s my background as a pediatrician but the story of this mom and her boy and their family felt very honest and vulnerable. The ending wasn’t super strong and I also got annoyed by the narrator mispronouncing medical terms but other than that, I thought it was very good

[Timbria · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful story told from the POV of a Black mother who has been a champion for her son. It was authentic, vulnerable, and inspiring.

Edit: Since reading, I’ve had the chance to meet Taylor & Tophs for the book discussion. They were delightful & just further proved that their story is one worth the read!

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tore through this in a day. I have so much to ask and say and think about.

[Blair · Rating 1 out of 5]

Trite. Disorganized. Way too Christiany.

[fpk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written memoir. I learned a lot from Harris. Highly recommend!

[Carrie]

I read this book because Taylor Harris is an AViD author I am glad I did. It's a hard read, but worth it. It moved me in a lot of different ways. The general worries of motherhood (though I am not equating general mom paranoia and worry with Harris's diagnosed anxiety), complexities of marriage when the unexpected happens, how faith and community both support and disappoint. I appreciated her perspectives on the educational and medical system, the impact of race on their experiences, and how real but not simple her faith is. She writes in an intimate way that made her feel like a friend.

A quote I wanted to remember:
"In the Church, Jesus is often a haloed baby or crucified body; he is a fish multiplier or water strider. What if we talked about the time Jesus shook with fever? Maybe he never got the flu, maybe he cut his hand collecting wood or woke up with brain fog after the death of his dear friend Lazarus. What if we had more imagination for the incarnate parts of God incarnate? What if I have lazily cordoned off as mystery parts of my faith that were always intended to be explored? What if unknowable does not mean unsearchable?"

[Gabrielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading for genetic counseling/department required book club and was pleasantly surprised when I couldn’t put it down.

This book feels like a mystery, life story, and religious and social injustice all mixed in one and I LOVED it! A very authentic and truthful account of family history and motherhood with lots of time jumps and flashbacks to old stories to make really interesting connections to the present. I like how she didn’t hide her faith or the racism she and her family faced (and I love how she didn’t shy away from the details), but it also wasn’t a book about that—it was a story of motherhood and the fear and anxiety surrounding caring for your sick child that is a medical mystery. She is also so funny and I love the blunt and chaotic style she writes in. 10/10 recommend

[Esther Plant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t know how to describe this book, except to say that it made me cry a hundred times, and is one of few nonfiction books I have read cover to cover. That only happens with the very best, most honest memoirs.

[Makayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though I have said before that I’m not one for memoirs, this one made me get it a little. Incredibly relatable, intimate, and wonderfully written. Reading this was made all the better by having an opportunity to meet the author and her son a few weeks after.

[Lindsey Hossfeld · Rating 4 out of 5]

Her story is compelling but I didn’t like her style of writing

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who is this child?

Who is this child? I think this is a question all parents can relate to as we've all uttered it. Harris unfortunately must answer this question thru mysterious medical incidents that get to the health of not only her son, Tophs, but ultimately herself. I absolutely drove head first into this book and was drawn into the story and the writing. The back and forth between Toph's mystery illness and Harris's own anxiety was well done. However a little more than halfway thru the book the layout changed and became harder to follow for a bit but the book finished strong. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone because I think the minor issues I had were more of an editor issue than a storyline issue.