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The Discontented Little Baby Book
A fully updated edition of this essential guide for new parents with unsettled babies. Did you know there are things that you can do to help your baby cry and fuss less? Did you know that many parents' nights are unnecessarily disrupted? Are you longing for a deeper connection with your little one? The first months after a baby's arrival can be exhausting and attempts at quick fixes are often part of the problem. But a number of obstacles are accidentally put in the way of a healthy night's sleep, and much can be done to help your baby cry less. The Discontented Little Baby Book gives you practical and evidence-based strategies for helping you and your baby get more in sync. Dr Pamela Douglas offers a path that protects your baby's brain development so that your little one can reach his or her full potential. She also offers simple strategies to help you enjoy your baby and live with vitality while facing the challenges of this extraordinary time of life. With real-life stories, advice on dealing with feelings of anxiety and depression, and answers to your questions about reflux, allergies and tongue-tie, The Discontented Little Baby Book is a compassionate revolution in baby care.
240 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2014
349 people are currently reading
917 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 117 reviews
December 29, 2021
Hands down the most helpful thing I have read about caring for a newborn. It is up-to-date, evidence-based, intuitive and forgiving. Highly recommend as an antidote to the (at times) stressful, outdated, fear mongering advice offered by family & friends and some in the medical community.
February 13, 2024
Is every parent's favourite baby book the one that just seems to match the model of baby they actually received? Oh, probably. At any rate this book managed to not have me muttering "And maybe if my baby could read this book that might work." And it seems better for my mental health than a lot of books with schedules that leave me wondering where the part where I ever leave the house is.
The methods outlined are less a method and more an acceptance of the fact that baby's gonna baby but that's reassuring when one's baby is babying.
The methods outlined are less a method and more an acceptance of the fact that baby's gonna baby but that's reassuring when one's baby is babying.
October 13, 2014
Best baby book I've read... Evidence based book showing that the current guidance from the MCHN is a load of garbage and that you should just follow your baby. They don't need that much sleep, they need lots of variety of activities and things to look at an experience. Thanks Dr Douglas.
May 2, 2024
What a luxurious relief!
As a biologist and a first time parent, I wanted well-founded reasons for all of my parenting decisions. I tried to work towards the usual recommendations: drowsy but awake, eat-play-sleep, wake windows, average newborn sleep needs of 14-17 hours, space feeds evenly, don't overstimulate them when they're fussy, etc.
And I was exhausted. I thought I knew what my baby wanted, but she cried most of the time unless I disregarded the official advice. But I told myself feeling overwhelmed and anxious was just part of caring for a newborn, and that I needed to be more consistent.
My instincts told me to feed her to sleep (we both felt drowsy after a feed, and why should I go against what we're biologically wired to do?), to let her contact nap during the day, to walk her around where she can see things when she's fussy instead of getting her into a dark & quiet room. And my experienced mom friends said most of the "official" rules didn't work for their kids either. But my instincts and my friends aren't published authors! How could they be more accurate than the acclaimed experts I learned from in books and online?!
Finally, after hearing Possums recommended by people in the subreddit r/sciencebasedparenting, I started reading the Possums blog. It was intriguing. Maybe taking my baby outside to see the trees when she fussed in the evenings could actually help her sleep better?! I wasn't ruining her developing brain by carrying her around the house with me when I "should" be shushing her in a dark room?! And there are legitimate scientific studies that show this?!
After reading enough blog posts, I spent the $10 for the Kindle book and read it all in two days during contact naps. My stress melted away with each new chapter. It was a relief to understand why the "expert" advice wasn't working: it was from outdated philosophies not backed by studies, or it was meant for much older babies. My instincts were telling me exactly what I should be doing for my baby's current developmental stage.
While taking care of a newborn is still hard work, I now feel more confident and relaxed. We go about our days and the baby sleeps when she's tired. We open the curtains and start making regular household noise at the same time every morning, but other than that we adjust feedings and naptimes based on what her body tells us each day. I'm able to enjoy her more just being present with her, not worrying that she's supposed to be asleep and that I'm failing as a caregiver because I can't get her to relax enough to sleep.
Every parent's favorite book is probably the one that told them what they already thought, so maybe I just like it because it affirmed my pre-existing preferences for daily rhythms. But it's more likely that I like it so much because it starts with good science and uses it to form a philosophy, and it matches what I see in the world around me. Everything else I found started with a philosophy and cherry-picked studies to support it (or cited other authors who agreed with them, and didn't provide actual research citations), which is not a good scientific method, and it didn't match the real-life experience around me very well either.
I could go on and on about the incredible information in this book (like the pH of spit-up, or cavitation that makes milk-champagne during a really good suck&swallow), but I'll stop myself here.
As a biologist and a first time parent, I wanted well-founded reasons for all of my parenting decisions. I tried to work towards the usual recommendations: drowsy but awake, eat-play-sleep, wake windows, average newborn sleep needs of 14-17 hours, space feeds evenly, don't overstimulate them when they're fussy, etc.
And I was exhausted. I thought I knew what my baby wanted, but she cried most of the time unless I disregarded the official advice. But I told myself feeling overwhelmed and anxious was just part of caring for a newborn, and that I needed to be more consistent.
My instincts told me to feed her to sleep (we both felt drowsy after a feed, and why should I go against what we're biologically wired to do?), to let her contact nap during the day, to walk her around where she can see things when she's fussy instead of getting her into a dark & quiet room. And my experienced mom friends said most of the "official" rules didn't work for their kids either. But my instincts and my friends aren't published authors! How could they be more accurate than the acclaimed experts I learned from in books and online?!
Finally, after hearing Possums recommended by people in the subreddit r/sciencebasedparenting, I started reading the Possums blog. It was intriguing. Maybe taking my baby outside to see the trees when she fussed in the evenings could actually help her sleep better?! I wasn't ruining her developing brain by carrying her around the house with me when I "should" be shushing her in a dark room?! And there are legitimate scientific studies that show this?!
After reading enough blog posts, I spent the $10 for the Kindle book and read it all in two days during contact naps. My stress melted away with each new chapter. It was a relief to understand why the "expert" advice wasn't working: it was from outdated philosophies not backed by studies, or it was meant for much older babies. My instincts were telling me exactly what I should be doing for my baby's current developmental stage.
While taking care of a newborn is still hard work, I now feel more confident and relaxed. We go about our days and the baby sleeps when she's tired. We open the curtains and start making regular household noise at the same time every morning, but other than that we adjust feedings and naptimes based on what her body tells us each day. I'm able to enjoy her more just being present with her, not worrying that she's supposed to be asleep and that I'm failing as a caregiver because I can't get her to relax enough to sleep.
Every parent's favorite book is probably the one that told them what they already thought, so maybe I just like it because it affirmed my pre-existing preferences for daily rhythms. But it's more likely that I like it so much because it starts with good science and uses it to form a philosophy, and it matches what I see in the world around me. Everything else I found started with a philosophy and cherry-picked studies to support it (or cited other authors who agreed with them, and didn't provide actual research citations), which is not a good scientific method, and it didn't match the real-life experience around me very well either.
I could go on and on about the incredible information in this book (like the pH of spit-up, or cavitation that makes milk-champagne during a really good suck&swallow), but I'll stop myself here.
August 8, 2021
I simply couldn't love this book more. This is hands down the best baby book I've ever read. Dr Pam's voice (through this book and the Possums course) has been a steadfast, logical and comforting one, that has cut through the noise of all the advice of early parenthood. I really enjoyed the case study pages and I thought the mental health part of the book was beautifully written. I don't keep books after I've read them usually, but I'll be keeping this one. Highly recommended to any parents to be or parents with new or subsequent babies.
September 19, 2025
Vibes are right, but no recommendations. Message is be chill about it.
October 11, 2021
This was a breath of fresh air after reading way too many mainstream sleep training books. It totally affirmed what I felt was intuitive for me in terms of baby sleep and not stressing about wake windows, teaching baby to sleep independently, etc. I will say that even though the writer is a GP in Australia, I’m a bit skeptical of some of her medical claims (like how acid reflux isn’t really a thing, tongue ties are overblown, and the appendix linking sensory stimulation to ADHD and autism later on in life). I think overall the emphasis on sensory exposure is a bit too much but I agree for the most part. I think mainstream baby education often preaches the necessity of having baby get ready for a nap by making the room as quiet and unstimulating as possible, but many babies will fight this. I’ve also read a lot about overstimulated babies fighting sleep as well, but it always made more intuitive sense to wear the baby out and expose them to as much activity as possible for them to get ready for a nap and recharge.
Anyway, I recommend this book wholeheartedly, but if some or all of it doesn’t seem right to you as a parent, take what you want and leave the rest. I’ve learned that there’s no “right” answer to parenting for the most part as long as baby is clean, safe, and fed.
Anyway, I recommend this book wholeheartedly, but if some or all of it doesn’t seem right to you as a parent, take what you want and leave the rest. I’ve learned that there’s no “right” answer to parenting for the most part as long as baby is clean, safe, and fed.
December 2, 2019
Smashed this overnight while looking after my baby.
This clarified a lot of things for me and helped me understand what is going well and poorly with looking after my newborn son as well as my wife's breastfeeding. There are some really good fake anecdotes for each chapter that illustrate how the concepts discussed explain and can help with misdiagnoses of colic and GORD.
I recommend this book to anybody with a newborn, especially if you've been given traditional advice like "space out your feeds", "let them cry themselves to sleep", "they need to learn to self-settle", "sleep them in a dark room during the day because sleep breeds sleep".
This clarified a lot of things for me and helped me understand what is going well and poorly with looking after my newborn son as well as my wife's breastfeeding. There are some really good fake anecdotes for each chapter that illustrate how the concepts discussed explain and can help with misdiagnoses of colic and GORD.
I recommend this book to anybody with a newborn, especially if you've been given traditional advice like "space out your feeds", "let them cry themselves to sleep", "they need to learn to self-settle", "sleep them in a dark room during the day because sleep breeds sleep".
February 4, 2020
Grateful to have been lent this book by a friend. Was definitely an interesting and useful read. Most helpful was learning about the benefits of gentle sensory stimulation in terms of movement and not to worry about taking baby out and about, or be concerned about catnaps. Main downside was the impression conveyed that just a little perturbation in initial breastfeeding can have major consequences down the track, eg ADHD. While this may be true for a few cases, I feel that it can cause unnecessarily concern and guilt in some parents. Worth a read though, if not to take everything as gospel.
June 14, 2025
“Anything worth doing will bring joy and reward sometimes, and pain and distress at other times. That's how life is. That's how life with a child is. So knowing how to act in alignment with our values when the going's tough is a vital life skill… allow the enjoyment of her to be an important value, despite everything else that is going on.” -p. 185
This is the one of the best things I’ve read so far as a new mom. I loved the author’s message that we can stop trying to over-engineer our babies’ lives, and instead be present and trust that nature (or God’s design, in my interpretation) is as it should be. The section on baby sleep was extremely reasonable and practical, especially amongst the cacophony of baby sleep philosophies on the internet.
I also absolutely loved the section on “enjoying your baby” — it was almost therapeutic to read. I loved Dr. Pam’s approach of assuring mothers that stress, anxiety, overwhelm, etc at times is completely normal, instead of making moms feel like there is something wrong with them for feeling anxious. While I believe that medical treatment for maternal mental health is important and oftentimes necessary, I think Dr. Pam’s approach of affirming moms and teaching coping mechanisms would prevent a lot of excessive pharmaceutical treatment (which is often just a band-aid solution for lack of community support, or even just a compassionate listening ear).
4 stars because I didn’t love the advice on breastfeeding. It felt a bit impractical. Also, the section that encouraged co-sleeping and detailed Dr. Pam’s own bed-sharing incident was disconcerting to say the least! If anything it extra convinced me not to co-sleep.
Will definitely be rereading sections of this book and recommending it! … with a caveat on the breastfeeding and co-sleeping sections.
This is the one of the best things I’ve read so far as a new mom. I loved the author’s message that we can stop trying to over-engineer our babies’ lives, and instead be present and trust that nature (or God’s design, in my interpretation) is as it should be. The section on baby sleep was extremely reasonable and practical, especially amongst the cacophony of baby sleep philosophies on the internet.
I also absolutely loved the section on “enjoying your baby” — it was almost therapeutic to read. I loved Dr. Pam’s approach of assuring mothers that stress, anxiety, overwhelm, etc at times is completely normal, instead of making moms feel like there is something wrong with them for feeling anxious. While I believe that medical treatment for maternal mental health is important and oftentimes necessary, I think Dr. Pam’s approach of affirming moms and teaching coping mechanisms would prevent a lot of excessive pharmaceutical treatment (which is often just a band-aid solution for lack of community support, or even just a compassionate listening ear).
4 stars because I didn’t love the advice on breastfeeding. It felt a bit impractical. Also, the section that encouraged co-sleeping and detailed Dr. Pam’s own bed-sharing incident was disconcerting to say the least! If anything it extra convinced me not to co-sleep.
Will definitely be rereading sections of this book and recommending it! … with a caveat on the breastfeeding and co-sleeping sections.
November 19, 2025
Brilliant, particularly the chapter on enjoying your baby ❤️
Don’t bother attempting to read before your baby arrives though (like I did), as it won’t mean anything to you 😅
Don’t bother attempting to read before your baby arrives though (like I did), as it won’t mean anything to you 😅
May 8, 2025
Found this book at a thrift store, best $4 dollar purchase! My husband and I love it and it has some really great tips.
January 6, 2021
Super helpful book. It is evidence based and so reassuring as a new mum that following your bubs cues and doing what make sense is ok to do (eg feed to sleep, not trying to make the baby do something just because feed/play/sleep says they should). The 'conventional' advice made me feel like I was doing everything wrong, this book gives me the confidence to do what works for us.
January 4, 2025
The book covers many aspects of newborn baby care & development including breastfeeding & sleep and also self care for mothers. It even has a brief overview of the history of infant care in the west which gives support to the author's perspective. Dr Douglas is definitely not in the sleep training camp but as she states she's not completely in the attachment parenting camp either, she advocates for what she calls a more moderate approach.
For me, one of the standout messages of this book was that we don't need to teach babies how to sleep, but we do need to remove barriers for healthy sleep by ensuring their needs for nourishment and sensory stimulation are met. This is reassuring for parents who may feel pressured by other parents/family that they should have their baby on a rigid schedule or that they have to sleep train their baby.
I found myself nodding to many points in this book. Many of the things I felt instinctually as a mother, were affirmed by this book, such as:
- babies need sensory stimulation and are often under stimulated. Understimulation may lead to the need to constantly feed due to the stimulation they receive from breastfeeding.
- Babies benefit from sleeping near the caregiver (whether room sharing or co sleeping) because the ordinary sounds of family around them are good for their brains.
- You bring to your unique parenting journey a set of values. It is important to identify what those are & to parent according to your values, this will enable you to get through the hard times.
The tone the author uses is kind and gentle. There is the sense that she is on the readers side. I also appreciated the focus on maternal mental health, mindfulness, and that she thoroughly explains the science behind all her suggestions.
The only part that I had issues with was the section about co sleeping. Whilst the facts about co-sleeping seemed to be accurate, I think that the author somewhat minimises the risks. The author has shared her own story of co sleeping, including a bed sharing accident involving her baby. I guess the author was trying to be relatable, however, I found the story a bit concerning and it definitely didn't support the idea that bed sharing is safe.
Overall I highly recommend this book for new mothers. However, it may not be appropriate for someone who is desperate for sleep or a "quick fix" to their baby's sleep problems as it offers more of a perspective change rather than specific methods.
For me, one of the standout messages of this book was that we don't need to teach babies how to sleep, but we do need to remove barriers for healthy sleep by ensuring their needs for nourishment and sensory stimulation are met. This is reassuring for parents who may feel pressured by other parents/family that they should have their baby on a rigid schedule or that they have to sleep train their baby.
I found myself nodding to many points in this book. Many of the things I felt instinctually as a mother, were affirmed by this book, such as:
- babies need sensory stimulation and are often under stimulated. Understimulation may lead to the need to constantly feed due to the stimulation they receive from breastfeeding.
- Babies benefit from sleeping near the caregiver (whether room sharing or co sleeping) because the ordinary sounds of family around them are good for their brains.
- You bring to your unique parenting journey a set of values. It is important to identify what those are & to parent according to your values, this will enable you to get through the hard times.
The tone the author uses is kind and gentle. There is the sense that she is on the readers side. I also appreciated the focus on maternal mental health, mindfulness, and that she thoroughly explains the science behind all her suggestions.
The only part that I had issues with was the section about co sleeping. Whilst the facts about co-sleeping seemed to be accurate, I think that the author somewhat minimises the risks. The author has shared her own story of co sleeping, including a bed sharing accident involving her baby. I guess the author was trying to be relatable, however, I found the story a bit concerning and it definitely didn't support the idea that bed sharing is safe.
Overall I highly recommend this book for new mothers. However, it may not be appropriate for someone who is desperate for sleep or a "quick fix" to their baby's sleep problems as it offers more of a perspective change rather than specific methods.
August 23, 2025
I don't have a particularly discontented little baby, but I don't have a sleepy unicorn either, and this book has helped me feel a lot more relaxed and confident in my intuition amidst all the rigid, prescriptive approaches out there. I love that she applies Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to the newborn experience, and she writes beautifully about mindful presence and finding joy amidst challenges. I might take half a star off for a couple of her opinions that conflict with my experience and which I don't think she really backs up, like rejecting burping and white noise machines. 4.5 stars.
November 28, 2023
Reading this when my baby was 11 weeks old, I noticed that some advice I'd received (and applied) is what Douglas specifically advises against, and despite that I'm actually lucky to have a contented little baby - so I'm somewhat bewildered - but I'm still giving 4 stars because this is at least written in a very gentle, forgiving, affirming style. The last chapter is particularly good and could be read as a stand-alone piece.
December 2, 2024
One of the best baby books i’ve ever read. Chock full of science based information that actually makes sense and feels intuitive. I went from being anxious about wake windows and thinking i was going to break my baby by feeding her to sleep (something MOST sleep books recommend against) to being a relaxed mom who follows my instincts with my own baby.
April 2, 2021
Best possible baby book you could read.
January 5, 2025
lots of peace of mind, great read!
January 7, 2025
Not as useful as other books. It seems to be written to sell her approach and ethos rather than provide actual instruction. I can only assume that she's keeping this information for her online course. This is disappointing because things like her gestalt approach to breastfeeding do sound interesting but so little is explained in the book you wouldn't know how to go about it despite there being chapters dedicated to the subject. I'm never going to pay for a whole course, especially from someone who has a 'my way goes against everything everyone else says but is the one true way' kind of philosophy, and questionable 'theories' for neurodiversity (hidden in the appendix, but there none the less!)
I'm glad I read it because this being my second go round it's interesting to build on knowledge and shake up ideas I've held so I don't get too rigid in my thinking. However, this can't possibly be the only baby book you read and yet discourages readers from exploring other avenues of knowledge. I don't like that it tries to lock you in to buying her course.
I'm glad I read it because this being my second go round it's interesting to build on knowledge and shake up ideas I've held so I don't get too rigid in my thinking. However, this can't possibly be the only baby book you read and yet discourages readers from exploring other avenues of knowledge. I don't like that it tries to lock you in to buying her course.
January 1, 2022
My wife and I found this book super helpful while awaiting the birth of our first child. Douglas works through a number of different assumptions about parenting young babies and works through them as case studies drawn from her clinical experience. Despite her myth-busting style, her immense respect for parents allows her to discuss these topics without shaming them.
Sometimes she throws out opinions instead of facts supported by evidence, however this is rare and does not detract from the overall positive impact of the book on us as parents.
Sometimes she throws out opinions instead of facts supported by evidence, however this is rare and does not detract from the overall positive impact of the book on us as parents.
September 10, 2022
I wish I read this book sooner! Our life got so much better when we stopped worrying about "overstimulation" and "building bad habits" (according to the sleep training industry) and followed this author's advice instead. We learned to trust our baby's ability to sleep as long as her needs for hunger and sensory nourishment are met.
April 27, 2018
The parenting book that best fits with my experience and instincts. Takes a positive approach, focusing on loving your baby boy training them. Encourages living a fun and easy happy life with the baby. Also well written and easy to read. 4.5*
June 3, 2022
Very informative. Turns a lot if ideas on its head.
June 7, 2022
Really enjoyed this one, makes you feel better about your natural instincts!
December 10, 2023
This was an easy, informative read, that made each point clearly and didn't scare me too much.
September 18, 2025
This book really stressed me out because it contradicts basically everything else you hear about baby sleep. For example, here are some things I am apparently doing wrong:
- Using a pillow to breastfeed (because it disrupts their natural positioning)
- Teaching a baby to self soothe (because you should have an intention to respond, not an intention to delay)
- Following a cycle of eat-play-sleep (because it disrupts their natural desire to drift off to sleep after eating)
- Using white noise (because there is no evidence it settles babies)
- Swaddling (because re-wrapping rouses the baby and makes it harder for everyone to return to sleep)
- Sleep training (because it has not been shown to decrease night waking in the first year)
- Hoping for uninterrupted night sleep (because more important than not waking up at night is "sleep efficiency" for the parents, or going back to sleep easily; until the Industrial Revolution, humans followed two-phase or segmented sleep, waking up in the night to stoke the fire and then going back for a second sleep)
Overall her point is that Western parents overly engineer and overly medicalize our babies. We should simply be breastfeeding constantly and wearing our babies around everywhere, trusting that they will sleep when needed. She writes, "We can trust babies to take whatever sleep they need during the day without us having to try terribly hard" (120) and "If parents simply remove any obstacles to healthy sleep, and then proceed to enjoy the day, the baby's sleep will look after itself with minimal effort on your part" (143). If this is stressing you out, maybe you should practice mindfulness or "expand your attention to other pleasant feelings" such as "the sound of that kookaburra" (191). This all sounds lovely, but it is not very practical or helpful.
One interesting thing: I had been taught that your supply increases when you empty the breast consistently (supply and demand) but this author talks about how your supply decreases each time the breast gets full and is not emptied. I had not thought about it from that angle.
- Using a pillow to breastfeed (because it disrupts their natural positioning)
- Teaching a baby to self soothe (because you should have an intention to respond, not an intention to delay)
- Following a cycle of eat-play-sleep (because it disrupts their natural desire to drift off to sleep after eating)
- Using white noise (because there is no evidence it settles babies)
- Swaddling (because re-wrapping rouses the baby and makes it harder for everyone to return to sleep)
- Sleep training (because it has not been shown to decrease night waking in the first year)
- Hoping for uninterrupted night sleep (because more important than not waking up at night is "sleep efficiency" for the parents, or going back to sleep easily; until the Industrial Revolution, humans followed two-phase or segmented sleep, waking up in the night to stoke the fire and then going back for a second sleep)
Overall her point is that Western parents overly engineer and overly medicalize our babies. We should simply be breastfeeding constantly and wearing our babies around everywhere, trusting that they will sleep when needed. She writes, "We can trust babies to take whatever sleep they need during the day without us having to try terribly hard" (120) and "If parents simply remove any obstacles to healthy sleep, and then proceed to enjoy the day, the baby's sleep will look after itself with minimal effort on your part" (143). If this is stressing you out, maybe you should practice mindfulness or "expand your attention to other pleasant feelings" such as "the sound of that kookaburra" (191). This all sounds lovely, but it is not very practical or helpful.
One interesting thing: I had been taught that your supply increases when you empty the breast consistently (supply and demand) but this author talks about how your supply decreases each time the breast gets full and is not emptied. I had not thought about it from that angle.
February 17, 2025
The flood of relief while reading this book was phenomenal! This is the book I've been searching for. I have a “hard” baby and I've had gut level suspicion since the beginning that a lot of the advice I was getting wasn't right. I had already started to unfollow some of it based on my own experimentation with my baby, but having it all laid out plus the biology explained has been mind blowing. This book turns a lot of the conventional Western baby “wisdom” on its head in the best way. Our lives immediately improved and my precious little baby is so much happier. I wish I had read it sooner!
I am so glad to be done with obsessive nap schedules, “eat-play-sleep”, spacing out feeds, considering sleep training, racking my brain for possible physical/medical issues, and, most importantly, with the immense anxiety and frustration of having a fussy and unsettled baby. I KNEW there had to be an easier way. Whatever will the multi billion dollar baby sleep industry do if the advice in this book becomes more mainstream?
In addition to the invaluable insights about sleep and feeding, the last chapter, “Enjoying Your Baby”, provided some fantastic mental health advice based on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - one of my favorite modalities, as a longtime therapy veteran). That chapter brought tears of relief to my eyes a few times. There is also an appendix detailing the history of birth and infant care in the West (horrifying, to say the least) and how we got to the current popular recommendations (improved in many ways compared to our history, but still lacking).
I love love love this book!!
I am so glad to be done with obsessive nap schedules, “eat-play-sleep”, spacing out feeds, considering sleep training, racking my brain for possible physical/medical issues, and, most importantly, with the immense anxiety and frustration of having a fussy and unsettled baby. I KNEW there had to be an easier way. Whatever will the multi billion dollar baby sleep industry do if the advice in this book becomes more mainstream?
In addition to the invaluable insights about sleep and feeding, the last chapter, “Enjoying Your Baby”, provided some fantastic mental health advice based on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - one of my favorite modalities, as a longtime therapy veteran). That chapter brought tears of relief to my eyes a few times. There is also an appendix detailing the history of birth and infant care in the West (horrifying, to say the least) and how we got to the current popular recommendations (improved in many ways compared to our history, but still lacking).
I love love love this book!!
December 19, 2022
Modern women reap the fruits of the workplace opportunities our grandmothers longed for and fought for. It's likely that each of you, as parents, have already spent years in paid work in a world that values productivity, efficiency, achievement and success. You know how to delay gratification to achieve your goals. You know how to function within the metronome version of time: productivity maximised, schedules adhered to, punctuality a priority, days micro-managed, hours commodified.
But time with your baby, whether you are engaged in paid work as well or not, is a time of not producing much (other than perhaps some breast milk and the miracle of a baby who satisfactorily wees, poos and grows). It's important that both understand that this mental shift of gears is in the partners baby's best interests.
//
Even when our babies are grown, some nights we'll sleep better, some nights we'll sleep worse, and the best thing is to expand our attention so that we take action to live a satisfying, meaningful day, even when we are tired.
Your own most resilient self is really just the self that gets by from moment to moment, not looking too far ahead and panicking, not thinking back and feeling bad about where you've 'failed'. Resilience is letting each moment open up to you in its mysterious newness. Letting the breathtaking abundance of life present herself to you, freshly made, over and over and over, this moment and this moment and this moment. Knowing that you can do this; knowing you'll be good enough and that, sometimes, you'll even be wonderful.
It's normal to feel awful about the baby's crying, but it's what you do that matters - the pattern of your parenting over time, the little acts you take, hour after hour.
But time with your baby, whether you are engaged in paid work as well or not, is a time of not producing much (other than perhaps some breast milk and the miracle of a baby who satisfactorily wees, poos and grows). It's important that both understand that this mental shift of gears is in the partners baby's best interests.
//
Even when our babies are grown, some nights we'll sleep better, some nights we'll sleep worse, and the best thing is to expand our attention so that we take action to live a satisfying, meaningful day, even when we are tired.
Your own most resilient self is really just the self that gets by from moment to moment, not looking too far ahead and panicking, not thinking back and feeling bad about where you've 'failed'. Resilience is letting each moment open up to you in its mysterious newness. Letting the breathtaking abundance of life present herself to you, freshly made, over and over and over, this moment and this moment and this moment. Knowing that you can do this; knowing you'll be good enough and that, sometimes, you'll even be wonderful.
It's normal to feel awful about the baby's crying, but it's what you do that matters - the pattern of your parenting over time, the little acts you take, hour after hour.
March 12, 2022
I found the Possums sleep method looking for evidence based, experimental literature on sleep in infants. This good is a great overview of what I've found across my research but one thing I find really comforting reading this is the interdisciplinary staff informing the Possum's resources.
One thing I especially like about this method is the focus on the relationship (and evidence) between caregivers and babies and ultimately sustainability of care. The last chapter of this book really looks at parental mental health.
One thing I wish there was more discussion of was how to cope if you do need uninterrupted sleep. I was slightly disappointed that these frustrations seem to be brushed off since the need seems to have arisen in the Industrial Age. That may be the case, but it is a reality many people face (which is part of the reason there's such a demand for sleep training materials). This could have been addressed by discussing the literature that shows no difference in night waking between sleep trained and none sleep trained babies, but instead the message I read was more along the lines of: "it's not that bad, blame society" (which, while fair is less helpful).
Overall I'm very appreciative of the work the Possum's group is doing and I only offer this criticism because I respect the work so much.
One thing I especially like about this method is the focus on the relationship (and evidence) between caregivers and babies and ultimately sustainability of care. The last chapter of this book really looks at parental mental health.
One thing I wish there was more discussion of was how to cope if you do need uninterrupted sleep. I was slightly disappointed that these frustrations seem to be brushed off since the need seems to have arisen in the Industrial Age. That may be the case, but it is a reality many people face (which is part of the reason there's such a demand for sleep training materials). This could have been addressed by discussing the literature that shows no difference in night waking between sleep trained and none sleep trained babies, but instead the message I read was more along the lines of: "it's not that bad, blame society" (which, while fair is less helpful).
Overall I'm very appreciative of the work the Possum's group is doing and I only offer this criticism because I respect the work so much.
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