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In Hanuman's Hands: A Memoir
"I can do nothing more for you. You are now in Hanuman's hands." These are the words author Cheeni Rao hears his Indian immigrant mother sob as he stands locked outside his family home. A brilliant, promising young man who is the product of a devout Hindu family from a long line of Brahmin priests, Rao has been reduced to the life of a homeless drug addict and petty criminal on the back streets of Chicago's Southside. The freedoms and temptations of life on an elite American college campus send Rao spiraling down into a hedonistic nightmare of drugs, sex, and crime. Desperate and alone, he is visited by Hanuman, the Hindu monkey god his mother evoked, and comes to realize that this unlikely guide may be his last resort. On his long journey to recovery, Rao is guided by visions of this clever, divine monkey, best known from the Indian epic poem, the Ramayana . In Hanuman's Hands is a gritty, hauntingly beautiful memoir. Bringing India whole-heartedly into America, Rao weaves his own story of Western culture clash with mythic tales of his Hindu ancestors who served in the ancestral temples of Kali. With Hanuman as his loyal companion, the author finds his way back to recovery at a halfway house run by a mug named Tats and shared by an unforgettable gang of streetwise characters. In Hanuman's Hands is a striking debut from a new literary voice.
- GenresMemoirNonfiction
416 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
January 4, 2009
This is a drug addiction memoir with a difference -- Rao casts his downward spiral, which escalates from drug dealing and other crimes during his freshman year of college to a period of homelessness on the streets of Chicago, as a battle between the Hindu gods Kali and Hanuman for his soul. It's unclear how much of their presence at his side is intended to be an elaborate metaphor that draws upon his Indian-American heritage, and how much of it is supposed to be an account of genuine divine intervention... but Rao's storytelling is powerful enough that you won't need him to supply a definitive answer to that question.
August 12, 2012
I enjoyed the mythical stories and interpretations of the Hindu gods here, and that was what kept me reading to the end. The memoir, though, felt like a surface retelling, a collection of mishaps and immature behavior that didn't truly go deep, didn't show me who Rao truly was (the real person behind the acting out), or who he is now. The dialogue and scenes chosen to illuminate this particular life don't serve to give a sense of the inner man -- I kept feeling like the writer was the great Oz, hiding behind a curtain, not willing to come out the entire time, only skimming the surface with his personal story. The mythical aspect of this was intriguing and well-written, but I felt like I was reading 2 separate manuscripts here, and one was definitely stronger than the other. Intriguing, but uneven, and definitely too long.
Read
July 26, 2011Cheeni Rao’s memoir In Hanuman’s Hands describes the terrible period in his life when, during his college years, all his earlier insecurities coalesced into a drug fueled journey that dictated the rest of his life. It’s title derives from the words his mother said to him after his family could no longer help him, consigning him to the ‘bringer of cures’, the Hindu Monkey God Hanuman.
What follows is a discourse between Cheeni and Hanuman, who came to him in the depths of his addictions and formed the foundation of what he would believe in to try to leave his addictions behind him.
The book follows Rao’s path through his short and destructive college life, his time on the streets and his time in rehab trying to put his life back together. Much more than just a memoir, it is a also a powerful discussion on how we use ‘myths’ of our disparate histories to inform our lives.
In spare, deeply emotional language Rao conjures a seamless flow from past to present, from myth to reality, combining all into an absorbing read that I didn’t want to end. That the Hindu mythology forms the foundation on which Rao builds his story, enough clear renderings of the stories are included to allow most readers to understand their link to Rao’s experiences. Admittedly, it is easier for a Hindu to identify with that aspect of the book, but in no was does Rao alienate his non-Hindu reader. In Hanuman’s Hands is a great read.
What follows is a discourse between Cheeni and Hanuman, who came to him in the depths of his addictions and formed the foundation of what he would believe in to try to leave his addictions behind him.
The book follows Rao’s path through his short and destructive college life, his time on the streets and his time in rehab trying to put his life back together. Much more than just a memoir, it is a also a powerful discussion on how we use ‘myths’ of our disparate histories to inform our lives.
In spare, deeply emotional language Rao conjures a seamless flow from past to present, from myth to reality, combining all into an absorbing read that I didn’t want to end. That the Hindu mythology forms the foundation on which Rao builds his story, enough clear renderings of the stories are included to allow most readers to understand their link to Rao’s experiences. Admittedly, it is easier for a Hindu to identify with that aspect of the book, but in no was does Rao alienate his non-Hindu reader. In Hanuman’s Hands is a great read.
May 6, 2009
This is a very readable, yet very differently written, addiciton memoir. You are taken on a tightly woven journey through the author's past, his families history, and his life-story adapted version of the Ramayana (poor description on my part). Without making excuses for his behavior, he rides you through what seems to be his point of view in the times of his action - none of that post-behavioral breakdown explanation that runs rampant in many addiction memoirs. He is a solid author, this is a good first work and indicates high potential in the field of fiction. I will keep an eye out for him, and I will definitely read his next offering.
June 28, 2009
Drug memoirs written by brilliant proteges. There's a million of them. This one has elements of Indian mythology woven through, which keeps it interesting.
I would have preferred more of Rao's life on the streets, and his life with his family, and less of the overblown overprivileged orgy scene at his private college. I had a hard time believing in 18-year-olds throwing around thousands of dollars.
But maybe I preferred the street scenes because they take place in Chicago. Made me miss the late, lamented Zephyr (ice cream place in Ravenswood, gone for a few years now).
I would have preferred more of Rao's life on the streets, and his life with his family, and less of the overblown overprivileged orgy scene at his private college. I had a hard time believing in 18-year-olds throwing around thousands of dollars.
But maybe I preferred the street scenes because they take place in Chicago. Made me miss the late, lamented Zephyr (ice cream place in Ravenswood, gone for a few years now).
May 24, 2009
An amazing memoir about addiction and recovery in the context of an Indian-American. This book has lovely depictions of childhood visits to India and horrific depictions of Cheeni's life on the streets in the U.S. I am especially grateful for his vivid depictions of the inhumane life situation of women in our world (in the U.S. as well as in India). Terrific book, darn near impossible to put down. Worth reading for the Hindu imagery alone if you're interested in world cultures.
May 26, 2019
I have not read this completely and don't think will complete it. I found it too wordy and it kept on dragging unnecessarily. Your mileage may vary.
August 15, 2015
Wow. What a fantastic book!
Using the colorful threads of family lore, Hindu legend, teenage angst, and drug addiction, Rao weaves a stunning tapestry depicting the tribulations of his life.
From an early age, Cheeni Rao was inundated with extraordinary tales of his Brahmin lineage, of their duty as caretakers of Kapu, and tireless servants of Kali. He was told of his father's choice to leave this life of poverty and servitude behind, and how that decision to leave India brought about a curse on his family. fFr generations to come, his family would be subject to the wrath of Kali.
His ailing Grandfather urged him to seek out Hanuman in his life for protection.
With the weight of this curse upon his shoulders, teamed together with his struggles (as an Indian-American boy) to fit in among his peers, his fathers strict rules and high expectations, and finally, his swandive into the world of the college party life, Rao cast himself in the lead role of his own crackhead version of the Ramayana.
Rao's own life story is very engaging, and his accounts of family lore, specifically chapter 9, Bhagavatha's (Great-Grandfather) encounter with rakshasas (unrighteous spirits), katakam (demons), and Hidimbasura (a man-eating demon), are riveting.
I would recommend this book to anyone, and everyone, who enjoys reading. It's a piquant story that will leave you wanting more; one of those books that you can't wait to finish, but are sad to leave behind.
* * * * * *
Okay, since my usual MO is to give a bunch of awesome excerpts that capture the feel of the book, I will. I filled five notebook pages with my favorite bits, but I will only share two with you; you need to read it for yourselves!!!
pg 226
"All of my life my skin, my religion, my parents' beliefs had made me feel like I didn't belong. Now I knew the truth. It was my blood. My very blood was poison."
pg 353
"I sought the company of addicts, thinking that I might feel less alone amongst my people. When they didn't try to steal from me they eulogized their lives, recalling each cruelty visited upon them, bemoaning the unfairness of life.
If they had been willing to share their drugs, I might have tolerated them, but their self-obsession, their inability to see their own role in the misery they now lived, infuriated me. I was the victim of a curse, trapped by forces beyond my control. They had choices, but insisted in believing they were powerless. We could not relate."
Using the colorful threads of family lore, Hindu legend, teenage angst, and drug addiction, Rao weaves a stunning tapestry depicting the tribulations of his life.
From an early age, Cheeni Rao was inundated with extraordinary tales of his Brahmin lineage, of their duty as caretakers of Kapu, and tireless servants of Kali. He was told of his father's choice to leave this life of poverty and servitude behind, and how that decision to leave India brought about a curse on his family. fFr generations to come, his family would be subject to the wrath of Kali.
His ailing Grandfather urged him to seek out Hanuman in his life for protection.
With the weight of this curse upon his shoulders, teamed together with his struggles (as an Indian-American boy) to fit in among his peers, his fathers strict rules and high expectations, and finally, his swandive into the world of the college party life, Rao cast himself in the lead role of his own crackhead version of the Ramayana.
Rao's own life story is very engaging, and his accounts of family lore, specifically chapter 9, Bhagavatha's (Great-Grandfather) encounter with rakshasas (unrighteous spirits), katakam (demons), and Hidimbasura (a man-eating demon), are riveting.
I would recommend this book to anyone, and everyone, who enjoys reading. It's a piquant story that will leave you wanting more; one of those books that you can't wait to finish, but are sad to leave behind.
* * * * * *
Okay, since my usual MO is to give a bunch of awesome excerpts that capture the feel of the book, I will. I filled five notebook pages with my favorite bits, but I will only share two with you; you need to read it for yourselves!!!
pg 226
"All of my life my skin, my religion, my parents' beliefs had made me feel like I didn't belong. Now I knew the truth. It was my blood. My very blood was poison."
pg 353
"I sought the company of addicts, thinking that I might feel less alone amongst my people. When they didn't try to steal from me they eulogized their lives, recalling each cruelty visited upon them, bemoaning the unfairness of life.
If they had been willing to share their drugs, I might have tolerated them, but their self-obsession, their inability to see their own role in the misery they now lived, infuriated me. I was the victim of a curse, trapped by forces beyond my control. They had choices, but insisted in believing they were powerless. We could not relate."
June 7, 2010
This book's like life itself- unpredictable, high, low, and gorgeous. Addiction memoirs are normally not my thing, but I was intrigued to see that the author had a background similar to mine: growing up Indian and Hindu in the US. Basically, this is a story of Cheeni Rao's descent into addiction, which begins (surprise, surprise), in college. He interweaves ancestral stories from India with his US childhood and college years. And once the addiction starts, the Hindu goddess Kali and Lord Hanuman, the Monkey-Man God, war with each other for Cheeni's soul.
This so-called battle between the god and goddess was my main problem with the book. I know not all readers are familiar with Hinduism, but Kali is the goddess of destruction, more specifically, of the ego, and illusions of the mind. Hinduism is one of the few religions that worships the feminine as divine, and that's what's always made me proud to be a Hindu.
But Cheeni's portrayal seems to liken Kali to the Christian Devil. This really rubbed me the wrong way. At the same time, since it's a memoir, and this is apparently what his Kali visions showed him, I can't exactly say "oh, he's wrong to have his experience." At the same time, I'm worried that non-Hindu readers will take away a completely warped view of the religion after reading this book.
That said- it's still a great book. The prose flows like a choppy, dangerous river at parts only to mellow into a still beautiful pond later.
I never understood two things:
1) Cheeni seemed to be saying that his lifetime pain was responsible for his drug abuse- the thing is, the main pain here seems to be girls slamming him in high school. For such depth of writing (stylistically), emotionally it seemed that his main focus and concern in life was basically just getting laid.
2) This guy behaves like such an asshole (even before his addiction), and ruins the lives of so many around him, you really wonder why, why, why, he is the way he is. But there's no answer, other than, girls slammed him and he's pissed.
So, why the four stars? Like I said, the writing style is incredible. And the page-turning factor is high- which I guess is inevitable when you're reading about an addict who fell from upper class suburbia to the terrors of homelessness and addiction, and rose back up again.
This so-called battle between the god and goddess was my main problem with the book. I know not all readers are familiar with Hinduism, but Kali is the goddess of destruction, more specifically, of the ego, and illusions of the mind. Hinduism is one of the few religions that worships the feminine as divine, and that's what's always made me proud to be a Hindu.
But Cheeni's portrayal seems to liken Kali to the Christian Devil. This really rubbed me the wrong way. At the same time, since it's a memoir, and this is apparently what his Kali visions showed him, I can't exactly say "oh, he's wrong to have his experience." At the same time, I'm worried that non-Hindu readers will take away a completely warped view of the religion after reading this book.
That said- it's still a great book. The prose flows like a choppy, dangerous river at parts only to mellow into a still beautiful pond later.
I never understood two things:
1) Cheeni seemed to be saying that his lifetime pain was responsible for his drug abuse- the thing is, the main pain here seems to be girls slamming him in high school. For such depth of writing (stylistically), emotionally it seemed that his main focus and concern in life was basically just getting laid.
2) This guy behaves like such an asshole (even before his addiction), and ruins the lives of so many around him, you really wonder why, why, why, he is the way he is. But there's no answer, other than, girls slammed him and he's pissed.
So, why the four stars? Like I said, the writing style is incredible. And the page-turning factor is high- which I guess is inevitable when you're reading about an addict who fell from upper class suburbia to the terrors of homelessness and addiction, and rose back up again.
September 29, 2016
Recommended by Samantha P.
Wow! What a fantastic book!
Using the colorful threads of family lore, Hindu legend, teenage angst, and drug addiction, Rao weaves a stunning tapestry depicting the tribulations of his life.
From an early age, Cheeni Rao was inundated with extraordinary tales of his Brahmin lineage, of their duty as caretakers of Hapu and tireless servants of Kali. he was told of his father's choice to leave this life of poverty and servitude behind, and how that decision to leave India brought about a curse on his family. For generations to come, his family would be subject to the wrath of Kali. His ailing Grandfather urged him to seek out Hanuman in his life for protection.
With the weight of this curse upon his shoulders, teamed together with his struggles as an Indian-American boy to fit in among his peers, his father's strict rules and high expectations, and finally, his swan dive into the world of the college party life, Rao cast himself in the lead role of his own crackhead version of the Ramayana.
Rao's own life story is very engaging and his accounts of family lore, specifically His great grandfather Bhagavatha's encounter with rakshasas (unrighteous spirits), katakam (demons), and Hidimbasua (a man-eating demon) are riveting.
i would recommend this book to anyone, and everyone who enjoys reading. it's a piquant story that will leave you wanting more; one of those books that you can't wait to finish, but are sad to leave behind.
A talented new literary voice weaves his own story of encountering Western culture--and its myriad temptations--with mythic stories of his Hindu ancestors, in this hauntingly beautiful memoir.
Wow! What a fantastic book!
Using the colorful threads of family lore, Hindu legend, teenage angst, and drug addiction, Rao weaves a stunning tapestry depicting the tribulations of his life.
From an early age, Cheeni Rao was inundated with extraordinary tales of his Brahmin lineage, of their duty as caretakers of Hapu and tireless servants of Kali. he was told of his father's choice to leave this life of poverty and servitude behind, and how that decision to leave India brought about a curse on his family. For generations to come, his family would be subject to the wrath of Kali. His ailing Grandfather urged him to seek out Hanuman in his life for protection.
With the weight of this curse upon his shoulders, teamed together with his struggles as an Indian-American boy to fit in among his peers, his father's strict rules and high expectations, and finally, his swan dive into the world of the college party life, Rao cast himself in the lead role of his own crackhead version of the Ramayana.
Rao's own life story is very engaging and his accounts of family lore, specifically His great grandfather Bhagavatha's encounter with rakshasas (unrighteous spirits), katakam (demons), and Hidimbasua (a man-eating demon) are riveting.
i would recommend this book to anyone, and everyone who enjoys reading. it's a piquant story that will leave you wanting more; one of those books that you can't wait to finish, but are sad to leave behind.
A talented new literary voice weaves his own story of encountering Western culture--and its myriad temptations--with mythic stories of his Hindu ancestors, in this hauntingly beautiful memoir.
April 9, 2009
Srinivas "Cheeni" Rao can write. His voice is distinctive and original. Rao was raised in Illinois, the child of immigrants from India, to follow the traditions, beliefs and lifework as a Hindu priest. Rao never finds acceptance by people who know he's not white but can't determine what color he is. He is smart when he is not a smart aleck. If he ever got caught he would be a labeled a delinquent. He expects college will be as easy as his previous schooling, but he gets lured into the drug world. He is two-timed by his link to his supplier who intends to eliminate those who keep his operation from running smoothly. Rao escapes to a friend's where he ODs on his friend's stash. Hanuman is the Hindu monkey god that Rao's mother suggest he turn to. Hanuman is "the bringer of cures." Rao's memoir includes his conversations with Hanuman as he sorts out his life with the help of Tate, the head of a halfway house for recovering druggies. Tate's insight benefits Rao's readers since he pushes Rao return to college where his writing acumen is recognized. Readers of this book will appreciate that insight and anticipate Rao's next work.
April 4, 2013
Hanuman, a compassionate Hindu trixter God is the spiritual companion of a Brahmin young man stuck in his Indian family's high academic expectations. The struggle to be a perfect student and good Hindu whilst trying fit in as an American college kid led Rao to find an answer in drugs. His vivid descriptions of the effects of a variety of substances read true enuff to induce flashbacks. The ensuing cluster his life becomes and how he comes back out the other side with the help of Hanuman and his strong grounding in the Ramayana is inspirational never being maudlin nor "heartwarming". Rao even makes the point that being addicted to 12 step is not the only path to recovery. Not my usual brain candy but an excellent book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 3, 2015
What an interesting, painful memoir. Cheeni Rao's tale of his life as an addict (one infected with Hep C, no less) and recovery rises from the trite to the incredible thanks to his interweaving of his family's Brahmin background, his faith(?) in Hanuman, his "conversations" with Kali, and his attempts to reconcile his family's curse.
Partly a book about India (Cheeni's first generation American), partly a book about religion, and partly a book about addiction, In Hanuman's Hands is something more than the sum of its parts. I could go on about the set pieces - his interactions with Salvatore, Sebastian, Jonas, Tav, Tats, etc - but that really won't do this justice.
Read it.
Partly a book about India (Cheeni's first generation American), partly a book about religion, and partly a book about addiction, In Hanuman's Hands is something more than the sum of its parts. I could go on about the set pieces - his interactions with Salvatore, Sebastian, Jonas, Tav, Tats, etc - but that really won't do this justice.
Read it.
November 22, 2013
Overall, I liked this book. Enjoyed the interweaving of Hindu mythology with the author's own story of addiction and recovery. The story jumped around a bit too much for me and there were some unexplained gaps that left me wondering. The story takes place when he was very young and so some of the details are a bit extraneous and glorified and as an addiction memoir, this book gives you a little insight into the motivations for drug use or what works in recovery. Because the book went on for so long, the ending was a bit abrupt and unsatisfying as well. But I did enjoy his writing style and unique perspective.
May 5, 2009
I guess one shouldn't review a book that isn't finished yet but this one is ASTONISHING me. I am thinking that(former)liars make the best autobiographers, as in -Autobiography of a Face- when Lucy Greely tells us all of the memories that she cannot possibly remember in the poetic detail that she describes, she is telling a deeper truth anyway, and a truth that we care to read. Rabindrath Tagore wrote "Truth in her dress finds facts too tight, in fiction she moves with ease".- Stray Birds-
I cannot wait to pick Hanuman up again.
I cannot wait to pick Hanuman up again.
July 23, 2011
This book certainly surprised me. I didn't want to put it down because I found it constantly surprising and I liked the way the narrative went back and forth rather than following a more linear fashion. (Usually that frustrates me about books but I liked it here!) Sadly, though, the subject matter is way out of league to recommend to my high school students (I could get away with drugs/addiction as a lesson but the sexual acts are far too descriptive!) and I didn't find any good single excerpt to use in class.
March 23, 2009
I give up, I only made it half through this supposed memoir despite trying hard to finish it. I became tired of the same-old, same-old. The author boasts of his skill at lying and often it felt like he was. His excuse-itis got old fast.
My heart went out to his parents, if the author can be believed, they had little knowledge of the nastiness he was doing.
Not all books will be liked by everyone and I definitely felt this one was a waste of my time.
My heart went out to his parents, if the author can be believed, they had little knowledge of the nastiness he was doing.
Not all books will be liked by everyone and I definitely felt this one was a waste of my time.
April 6, 2010
The parts about the author's family, drug addiction, and recovery were quite good, but I got totally lost in the recounting of minute detail from college. If I were 25, I might have enjoyed it more. I suspect no one under 50 should be writing a memoir of over 100 pages (and this one was over 400). But I'll definitely keep an eye on this writer.
August 21, 2010
The main character in present times is a jerk. It is hard to hear his first person account of his jerkiness, but the other elements of the story are great, and ok, his character does transform. You come out a big fan of Hanuman if you aren't one already!
June 21, 2011
I got bogged down in the details of his drug use, and the depression of it started to wear on me. On the flip side, I was entranced by his references to Hinduism and stories from the Ramayan that I've never heard told that way. Rao is an excellent writer and I'd love to see some of his fiction.
August 3, 2009
I found it wasn't as easy for me to immediately get pulled into this, but I ended up being completed fascinated by it.
January 4, 2010
Slowly drawn into the book & then hooked just as he is drawn into the drug scene and then hooked.
Read
January 14, 2010In Hanuman's Hands: A Memoir by Cheeni Rao (no date)
February 17, 2010
I had a hard time putting this down. I also had to keep reminding myself that it's nonfiction. Either way, a great story.
July 23, 2011
Great cover! Amazing spiritual book - story of recovery through the eyes of a Hindu who had lost his faith, but had been with him the whole time.
June 5, 2016
Great true story about heroin addiction and Hinduism.
March 6, 2013
One of those many, many memoirs, but tinged with the stuff of fiction, whether that's just the way it comes off or not, ending up a pretty immersive study of Indian culture in America.
September 18, 2013
Fantastic read.
Reminds me of Breaking Bad.
The journey and transformation...
Reminds me of Breaking Bad.
The journey and transformation...
April 17, 2015
this helped me through tough times
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews