Start, Stay, or Leave: The Art of Decision Making

by Trey Gowdy

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The Fox News host and #1 New York Times bestselling author of Doesn’t Hurt to Ask shares his trusted framework for decision making, telling the story of his life through the choices he’s made using this revolutionary method.

“The best guide I’ve read to help people analyze, make, and own their decisions . . . Make a great decision and read this book.”—Dana Perino, Fox News anchor and host, former White House press secretary

In life, moments arise when you have to decide your next move. When choosing whether to accept a new job, purchase a house, attend a school, or start a relationship, how do you settle on which direction to take? Trey Gowdy has found that most consequential decisions boil down to three simple options: start, stay, or leave.

Gowdy first developed this decision-making tool in the courtroom during a federal murder trial, and it has guided his life ever since. The practical framework has helped him decide where to raise his family, when to leave his dream job, whether to run for Congress, and when to step away from political life.

Over the years, Gowdy has made some great decisions and some lousy ones (and he admits to both). In Start, Stay, or Leave, he shares his hard-earned wisdom. Filled with surprising insights and questions, this personal playbook teaches you how to

• craft your unique vision of success
• consult your dreams with wisdom (and know when to revise them)
• assess the price worth paying to achieve your goals
• balance logic, emotion, and fear when facing a new challenge
• take the right advice, from the right people (and block out everyone else)
• chart the course of your life with the end goal in mind

Reading Start, Stay, or Leave is like sitting on the back porch of a farmhouse chatting with a wise friend. Filled with humor, heartbreak, practical advice, and a lifetime’s worth of storytelling, this book will teach you how to approach trajectory-changing decisions with confidence and the knowledge that, whatever happens, you’ve made the best choice you could.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Politics, Business, Personal Development, Leadership, Audiobook

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 24, 2023

About the author

Trey Gowdy is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Doesn’t Hurt to Ask, Start, Stay, or Leave, and co-author of Unified, with Senator Tim Scott. He’s the host of Sunday Night in America with Trey Gowdy on Fox News and The Trey Gowdy Podcast. Gowdy served as a four-term congressman from South Carolina. Before running for Congress, he served as a federal prosecutor in his home state and a district attorney in Spartanburg and Cherokee counties. Trey Gowdy is married to Terri Dillard Gowdy, a former first-grade school teacher in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

Connect with Trey Gowdy on:
Facebook: @RepTreyGowdy
Twitter: @TGowdySC
Instagram: @tgowdysc

Reviews

[Dwayne Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entertaining and thoughtful discussion and persuasion. Mr. Gowdy has the credentials and experience to advise us on how to make the most we can of our lives. It's a message well-worth hearing.

[Mark Mears · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Art of Decision Making

Trey Gowdy

The fact that I find Trey Gowdy to be a wise sage and enjoy his folksy delivery probably taints my opinion of his book.

That said, as usual, his narrative is useful, entertaining and self-deprecating.

At this stage in MY life, the information he bestows gives me not so much useful tactics for the future, as it does validation for the past. He lets you know your decisions can be “right for the wrong reasons, or wrong for the right reasons.” I can testify!

Whether preparing yourself for the future, or being assured about your past, or just entertainment, this is worth the time. (Regardless of political affiliation.)

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is excellent. He has so much wisdom. If you’re looking to make a decision on whether to start something new, stay or leave - a job or relationship, move to a new place, etc - or just need some motivation to increase self-esteem and believe in yourself, READ THIS BOOK! The audiobook is read by the author, so you hear in his voice what emotion he feels. I recommend listening to it.

[Libby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was quite helpful for a while, but I think I started reading it at a point in my life where it may not be applicable. I feel like the author provides lots of hypotheticals to put his own experiences into perspective and only gives minor advice as opposed to this actually being a guide. He does a great job sharing his experiences and showing where his advice comes from regarding his own life, but I feel like it falls short of giving insightful advice. I will say, though, of the parts I read, a lot of it was motivational and made me reflect on my own life experiences, so in that respect, it was somewhat helpful.

[Lori Montgomery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great wisdom and insight on things to consider when making some of the major decisions that cross your path throughout your life. I wish I had these guidelines earlier in my career. The experiences Trey shares with his own life and times he made decisions to Start, Stay, or Leave were quite interesting and very compelling. I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability he brought to the book. Highly recommend!

[Tanner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audio

While there isn't anything necessarily novel in this book, hearing Trey Gowdy read it with the emotion in his voice, makes the message hit close to home. Gowdy's life experiences and time spent in one of the most unwanted jobs in America (Congress), all let them themselves to brilliant life teaching moments. I'll be listening to this multiple times!

[Jeryl Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish there was a way to get a message to Trey about the power of his book! I'm facing the most important decision I will ever make & the consequences are huge if I fail! His real life examples were thought provoking. I appreciated his candor and his wisdom. Thank you, Trey, for writing this book!

[Ken Mattes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Published in 2023 this is wonderful written, frank, and retrospective look into the life of Trey Gowdy through the lens of life’s decisions, and consequences using three perspectives: Start, Stay, or Leave.
Worth listening/reading to get Treys philosophical perspective on his life’s learning moments and how to manage your dreams and the expectations of others of you.
Remember, it is YOUR LIFE and the question is “how do you want the ‘final closing remarks’ to reflect your journey?”.

[Daniel Astacio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book, Trey helps you find your own best perspective that will bring you fulfilment

[Ariel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Closing chapter was the best.

[Theresa]

Funny. Gowdy reads it himself. I liked to hear about Gowdy's background. Gowdy didn't like politics. I made most of the mistakes Gowdy talks about. This should be required reading for youths. I will tell my daughters and sons in law to read this.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so fabulous filled with wonderful life advice. Everyone would enjoy this book no matter which side you sit politically, he never pushes an agenda. It is all purely life anecdotes and how he has made decisions in his life. He is so candid and genuine in this book and pokes fun at himself. I listened to the audiobook and it was so endearing to hear him getting choked up during parts. He is open about how tough it is to be prosecutor and see the true evilness and how those in Congress are there for fame and not for the good of the country.

Definitely a great read for teenagers and young adults who are making big life decisions.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

SPOILERS
Start, Stay, or Leave

Some Introduction Concepts:
- Every single step you take in life and every relationship you make are defined and are strictly a consequence (good/bad) of the decisions you make.
- If you can master the art of decision making, you are more than likely guaranteed to live a great life.
- You truly have to know yourself to set valid decisions for yourself in order to live the greatest form of life that you want.
- Those we take with us on this thing called life, most times is more important than the road we are taking to where it is we want to go.


Some Part 1 Concepts:
- When making decisions, understand what your end goal is first and then figure out what steps you will need to take in order to get to the result you want after.
- To accomplish something means that there is a purpose and a known road that you want to end up on, along with doing things with intent.
- Success comes with self-reflection and gratification that allows you to set your own road that you want to go down and the decisions that come with and lead to it.
- When you have a goal, if you hope for the best, but plan for the worst, it can help your road be less stressful as you already have plans for potential pitfalls.
- Pick a life mantra and stick to it, as it will help guide you in your decisions and thinking of every possibility that may come from/with it.
- When making decisions, it is important to analyze the benefits, opportunities, risks, and good/bad consequences.
- Never let your emotions take over your decisions or movements in life. Let those emotions give you information and hear them out, but never do something due to a possible temporary emotion.


Some Part 2 Concepts:
- If you chose to stay in a place/situation when it turned out to be the opposite of what you expected it to be, you can prove and show yourself how capable of challenges and commitment you truly are.
- Care about your own opinion of yourself more than others opinions about you.
- It’s important to understand the difference between wanting to be good at something and actually being good at something.
- If you have the means, motives, and opportunities when it comes to something, it leads you in the right direction a lot more than having only two out of the three qualities.
- It's important to have someone who tells you specifically what it is you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
- In life, it is important to have a person(s) who has your best interest at heart, truly knows you, and who will be blatantly honest even when you don’t want them to be.
- There are times when not everyone wants to see you succeed, (even some of those who are closest to you).


Some Part 3 Concepts:
- Dreams can come with too high of a cost(s) and sometimes when the cost is too high, it can be best to walk away.
- It’s normal and perfectly okay to let dreams adapt, evolve, or even retire.
- Do not waste your time constantly defending yourself. Only do so when it jeopardizes your future, where you want to end up, and what is objectively true.
- If you feel like you are in a place where you see no end for what you view as success or your end route, it’s time for you to leave that place.
- It’s okay and normal to have regrets, but you do not want to dwell on them; you want to learn from them and use them as a remembrance.
- You should be able to redefine success as you go on in life to show what you have ventured out onto.
- Failure can come from sitting and doing nothing and by not taking part in opportunities that may present to you.
- Everyone’s definitions of success and failure will be different.
- In order to take on opportunities at hand, you really have to know yourself well enough to agree with it, disagree with it, or sidebar it for the time being due to the circumstances currently at hand.

[Jeanette · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is far more than just a self-tell of path and career.

It's exact in category of chapter too. When people change locations, life directions or relationship forms, or entire job/ career paths, you always wonder. I did, until about 50 years of age. But not after. Trey Gowdy tells why he did and gives precise insight into self-awareness dynamics to let YOU understand how. How to leave, how to stay or what new avenue to start.

These particulars I have crossed. Several time well, and some not as well as he did. That's why I think this book is five stars. Most of us want to please our relatives, compatriots, peers, friends etc. Not that we are out to displease ourselves, but not to the balance that is better. Or best.

Under 40, absolutely read this book. And at any age give some of these posits some exact thought to your other druthers. He states several ways, different times, that truth to your own vibes are key. Exact questions you can ask yourselves, even some that are economically based.

I totally connected to his questioning these two insights especially. "I am not liking the direction this job has taken." And even more so "I am not as good at this as presumed." Or "I can be better at ........." Which is usually tangential to the direction least skilled or most unenjoyed.

He never gives people away, but he changes process and directions of his life. Priceless.

Looking back, there are errors. Of course. But far fewer than sticking for the wrong reasons will ever produce.

Confessing that I have had 3 or 4 completely different careers in my lifetime. And like most people, especially the earliest switches, they not were always chosen change BY ME, at all. Or at points related to former work or timely for starting completely new either. Yet I feel at 75, no regret that I left, or started unknowns/ and the new. Be a key to your own best blooming.

[Louiza Patsis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked Trey the minute I heard him say on his Fox News show perhaps a year ago that he knew his wife was the most beautiful woman in teh world the minute he saw her in church and still thinks so, inside a context of love and respect, of course. In the book, he writes about listening to her advice and doing what she says.

He is honest, telling us that he sometimes questions his faith when he thinks of what he saw as a prosecuting attorney and that he, unlike a woman he hired once, was concerned with money and status, albeit not as much as he was with family.

The book is a simplistic, simple breakdown of decision-making. Having mentors talk to you about these things throughout life would make you lucky, as would having the family, community, and friend environment of Trey. He and his wife were also lucky to find each other young, before 18 years old even, and have it be a great match and relationship. Trey stayed in the general area of law in everything he did. Politics and a television show around that fall under that umbrella. Other people may wonder what to do with more than one talent when they do not know the right people, or right and kind and generous, even after many attempts.

Many people are not so lucky, or do not have this Hand of God early on, and deal with much pain and baggage that can make it harder to meet someone and lead to a vicious cycle. They also don't have a direction of passion since they were young or those who mentor them, introduce them to leads, hire them, and the like.

Therefore, the book may not work as an easy solution. But asking yourself what he says and using the principles as one guideline or outline to make decisions may prove to be useful.

No one has all the answers and God works in mysterious ways. Yet, this book is worth reading.

[Robert Sutherland · Rating 2 out of 5]

Having recently read Annie Duke's "How to Decide," I followed it up with this book on the "art" of decision making. Duke's book used a toolkit, quantification, and math to make decisions. Gowdy basically used his gut. I liked his framework that pretty much any decision can be couched as one to start it, keep doing it, or quit it. The three sections of the book expand this framework.

The book is entirely based on his experience in the practice of law and politics. He tells some interesting stories. He drops a lot of names. And he is a real enigma. He is a lawyer whose soul was crushed by the law, a man of faith who quotes the Bible frequently but may or may not believe, and a politician who wants to do good but wouldn't stick around to do it. In the end, I found him to be a drifter who does something as long as it suits him then moves on.

He was very fortunate to marry well, get some good breaks, ride political waves, and be well connected. He achieved his dreams and found most were in reality nightmares. The final section about leaving was so jaded that he wrote about the law and politics like they were bad breakups with exes who weren't the people he thought they were.

If you want to read a book about decision making, choose Annie Duke. If you'd like to read a disillusioned autobiographical lament about Republicans eating their own, how horrible murderers are, and the unfairness of the law, look no further than this.

[Danielle Mercer · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there were definitely a lot of great takeaways, most times I felt the book was more autobiographical than what I like to call self-development. I get that the points being made needed a little backstory but for me it only caused a lot of skimming.

*One misguided decision or unexpected setback might stop you from doing something specific, but it does not hinder you from accomplishing what you want to in life; it might just take you a little longer to get there. (P20)

*Your decisions in life will determine your success. But first, your most important decision will determine what success looks like in your life. (P31)

*The past is the one thing we are guaranteed never to be able to change. Let it teach you, let it remind you, let it inspire you. Do not ever let regret imprison you. (P226)

*There are natural punctuation marks at various stages of life… Each of those is an appropriate marker to reflect the trajectory of our lives. Depending upon your own life experiences, those life passages may include commas or semicolons, exclamation points, question marks, or even dashes, but not periods. There is but one period... We should punctuate our life so that when the final period is placed, it finishes a complete sentence preceded by a powerful paragraph. (P242-243)

[Jeffrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trey Gowdy gives good advice on defining what success and failure are to you as an individual and encourages you to avoid trying to let others' definitions of success and failure steer you into a life that isn't yours.

The book is told through a series of anecdotes about Gowdy's life growing up to be a prosecutor, circuit solicitor, and then congressman. Although Gowdy is a Christian and Republican, he writes to an all-encompassing audience about how his life experiences and career have revealed truths to him about human nature and the art of decision-making.

This book isn't prophetic advice, and Gowdy specifically says that he isn't a statistician or expert, but it has some quasi-Uncle Iroh/Marcus Aurelius-style wisdom of a life well lived.

This book would be relatable to conservatives, Christians, or those who are interested in a career in law or politics, but I found it particularly helpful as a young man starting my own business and wondering what sorts of opportunities I ought to pursue in life regarding relationships, hobbies, and business. I would recommend it to people who are in a similar position.

[Cara Bristol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Start, Stay or Leave offers valuable, practical advice and processes for making decisions at any stage of life, whether you are considering starting a venture or trying to decide whether to stick with something or give it up and try something else. I highlighted a lot! The information in Start, Stay or Leave can apply to all decisions, personal and business/career. And if you’re questioning whether a decision already made was a good one, I think this book could help bring peace of mind.

The book gets personal. Author Trey Gowdy shares his decisions and feelings that led him to become a federal prosecutor, then a state prosecutor, a Congressman, and then to leave Congress. He shares his fears and mistakes in addition to his successes. His honesty and openness made the book an interesting and often amusing read. I flew through it.

And although it was only a tangential part of the book, the insider insights of what goes on in Congress was fascinating to me.

Highly recommend!

[Tracy Kaufman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up because I have always thought he was as honest of a politician as you will find.
I was wrong about calling him a politician. At his core he is a seeker of justice and truth and fairness. Calling him a politician is the same as calling him a bad name. This book is just what the title states decision making. His honest take on our political system is spot on. I truly respect him more for not naming names of those he felt were wrong while he was in congress. He gives you reason and explanations on why he made most of his decisions. Which make it easy to apply his tips on how to make decisions in your own life. His faith his love for his hometown and his family and wife are what a real man should strive for. I cannot recommend this book enough. I will reread it because there are so many little jewels of wisdom that I am sure I missed. Here is hoping this is not last book. I would read anything he write.

[Dustin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, and this man, are both absolutely phenomenal. I opted for the audio version of this one, and often do so whenever I find a book about someone who is actually reading their own. I cannot begin to properly put into words how impactful this book was for me; it came at a perfect moment along my own life’s journey as well. I always knew that I would hate to be sitting across from Trey Gowdy had I found myself not on the wrong side of the law, but on the wrong side of what is right. There is an assertiveness present in his voice that when used often reminds me of why I have such an admiration, but at certain points within this book there is also a quivering that becomes present when he talks of dreams and friends who have passed on. At no point is it ever ever not evident that this is also a man who despite his positions in life remains humble and full of an infinite wisdom.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always admired Trey Gowdy. I listen to his podcasts and watch his Sunday show. He is highly intelligent, and has a wonderful, often self-deprecating, sense of humor. I loved the story in this book where he wound up in a ballet class in college by accident. Particularly poignant to me was his description of the time when both he and Paul Ryan decided they needed to leave Congress. On the Democratic side of the aisle, I would include Harold Ford, Jr. and Tulsi Gabbard. We are in a sad state of affairs when highly intelligent, highly principled people decide that they just can not remain in Congress, and can no longer tolerate a media with an agenda and no regard for the truth. I often think when listening to him that our Congress needs people of his caliber, and now just contains self-serving narcissists without two brain cells to rub together.

[Sheila Melo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trey Gowdy's book, "Start, Stay or Leave", offers a unique approach to decision-making by combining personal anecdotes with a framework for considering life choices. Rather than offering explicit guidance, Gowdy encourages readers to reflect on their own priorities and decision-making processes. His advice boils down to thinking of what you want to be known for in the end. One of the book's strengths is Gowdy's acknowledgment that there is no universal formula for determining the best course of action. Instead, he shares his own experiences and offers perspective on what has been important to him. Overall, "Start, Stay or Leave" is a thought-provoking and well-crafted read that left me with valuable insights.

[Deena Schoenfeldt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me be honest, this book was timely at this point in my personal life as I am in the process of pivoting from other career endeavors, hence why I picked up this book in the first place. It was a quick read, not a huge tome on all the steps involved in making any decision – personal, career, etc. – but the advice was straightforward and told in such a way that it was not a “Do This” type of book. That said, when I exported my notes and highlights from the Kindle edition, I ended up with more than 17 pages of notes and lines that spoke to me.

This is a good book for high school & college students as well as those at a crossroads if their life. It explains why young adults do not have to have their entire life planned out and stick with that plan at all costs and shows the power of the pivot to what will bring you happiness and fulfillment.

With humor and insight, even when dealing with the prospect of his own mortality, this is an uplifting book. I was familiar with Mr. Gowdy long before he became a Congressman, back when he was a prosecutor and successfully prosecuted a hit and run that ended up being explored for an episode of Forensic Files, so I have followed his career trajectory. While the book has some parables regarding his time in house of representatives he does give dinner fascinating insights into the political infighting that has led to the fractions of the Republican party.

Mr. Gowdy’s book is honest and not afraid to shine a light on his fears and show himself in a true light.

Recommend?
I recommend to high school and college age young adults as well as anyone with the slightest inclination of making a change – either in their personal life or career. It gives a good roadmap for decision making with the goal being the most positive outcome.

This review appeared on my website.

Disclaimer
I received via the OverDrive/Libby app from the Harris County Library system. It was read as a Kindle Book.

[Camie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Inspires you to reflect and consider where you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going. For someone who hates politics and government conversations, I wasn’t turned off by how much politics is talked about, but impressed by how much it unwrapped who he is and his journey. In other words, his examples supported his message instead of becoming a tool to support an agenda. Possibly, I would’ve given it a higher rating had I not been listening intermittently on audio. There were quite a few nuggets. I wish I had a book that I could underline.

[Cactuskid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Didn't think I'd read this as we don't have work related decisions to make anymore but a friend loaned it to me and I'm glad she did. It was very good, you can hear him while you read. It's really about his life and the different decisions he has had to make. Very interesting to find out so much more about him personally. He gives quite an eye opener to when he got to Congress and how politics are involved in everything. Also how the media makes everything work toward what they want. I can see why he decided to get out when he did.

[Janna Wong · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've always found Trey Gowdy to be an excellent human -- honest and forthright. His book treats the topic of decision-making with the same sense of honesty and forthrightness. It's an extremely helpful guide for anyone who finds it difficult to make a decision. He peppers his advice with his own experiences and these are interesting and even entertaining to read.

I could not put this book down and listening to his narration makes it even better.

Make the decision to read this book now...you won't regret it!

[LAMONT D · Rating 4 out of 5]

He uses self-effacing humor to drive home his commonsense points on how to make good decisions. Not a heavyweight by no means in thought and theory, but just some good ole advice on when to start, stay or leave a situation. No doubt we have all gone through these decisions and his main thesis of charting a course with the end goal in mind would help any individual when face with a choice of which way to go.

[Grace Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I loved best about this book was it presented a novel and freeing way to feel about my goals in life. Deep down, I think we know we are enough and that climbing the pyramid or ladder will not ultimately satisfy us. However, human nature and the world around us creates doubt and we feel unsteady, insecure, and insufficient unless we are climbing or feel we have “made it.”

A few paragraphs in this book put words to that struggle and provided a compelling way out.

[JANET · Rating 5 out of 5]

Remarkable truths for big, potentially life-changing decisions and ...

...highly recommended to read if you too have any to make. It is helping me make mine and without regret or further second thoughts about it. So glad he explained so down to earth and succinctly (traits I've always appreciated from Trey Gowdy), and VERY glad I read it.