This is terrible, one of worst comics I’ve ever read in my life. 0/5 stars, 0/10, an absolute F grade. A waste of time all around.
Where to start? Ok, so in the year 2000 Marvel saw fit to create a new universe to reboot, reimagine and update their characters. To start this, they started with their popular and profitable character, Spider-Man, and so began Brian Michael Bendis’s Ultimate Spider-Man, which I’ve read most of, and can say it’s solid. While not perfect, it delivers what the Ultimate Universe set out to accomplish and more, by reimagining Peter’s origin and a lot of his most iconic stories while still being fun and entertaining, and respecting the original character. The next choice was of course Ultimate X-Men, which I haven’t read and I don’t know if I have the patience for, as it’s quite long. After that came The Avengers, which in this universe is called The Ultimates.
To discuss The Ultimates is to discuss it’s writer, Mark Millar, because this story is first and foremost a Mark Millar creation. Millar was a pretty successful and popular writer at that time, and would go one to write many more well received comics both at Marvel and beyond. On some level I can see him being a decent choice. You take a popular writer and give them their own world to play in and surely the results would be good. The fact that this story is in its own universe and has little continuity to try and adhere to is critical, because it makes so many of his decisions baffling. All Millar had to do was update, reboot, and reimagine The Avengers, ideally while respecting the originals. Instead he gave us this.
The Ultimates is the most surface-level, shallow, mean-spirited take on superheroes I have ever read. Some people say these characters are realistic, I disagree. Real people have depth, real people are complex, these characters are neither. Millar takes a few elements of the original’s characteristics and twists it into something disgusting and edgy while saying nothing of substance and ultimately serving no purpose beyond “superheroes bad”.
Hank Pym beats his wife Janet and almost kills her. The story has nothing to say about domestic violence, nothing to say about toxic relationships, nothing to say about the experiences of either perpetrators or victims. In the 616 (the main Marvel universe) Hank hit Janet in what was at best a weird moment by a weird writer and at worst domestic violence and blatant sexism. The difference is that over the decades many, many writers have had to either try and save Hank as a character, or turn it into fuel for his personality disorders. When Millar chose to use Hank and Janet as characters he didn’t have to include this. He could’ve just gave us Hank and Janet and maybe improved their relationship, but he chose to do this, and by choosing this he opened himself up to this criticism.
It would be different if he chose to include more controversial elements in order to say something of value. I would also be okay with changing the characters and making them bad people if he had something intelligent to say, but he just doesn’t.
Tony Stark is nothing more than an alcoholic, womanizer who constantly has something “witty” to say. It’s never witty, never clever, never funny. In the 616 Tony very famously went through the Demon in A Bottle storyline which dealt with his alcoholism, so of course Millar has to include it here but with none of the substance, none of the heart. He’s not interested in exploring Tony’s addiction, he’s only interested in having him mention martinis and Vodka Cran every other sentence. Tony’s womanizing is also mentioned every other page, because of course 616 Tony sleeps around a lot. It gets so insulting that at the end of the story, after marrying and being betrayed by Black Widow, Tony tears up thinking about how she broke his heart. Then seconds later he sees a random blonde woman and starts to chase her. He even says “Never doubt the healing powers of a blonde”. He learned nothing. He has no character, he’s just hollow.
Captain America is just a hyper-violent soldier. Gone are his ideals, his loyalty to the dream. Gone are his actual core values. In the 616 Cap works both for and alongside the US government when he wants to, but whenever his values are in question he doesn’t play along. He’s not just a tool of the government and most of the time doesn’t even like whatever politician is calling the shots. Millar also has nothing to say about the Man Out of Time aspect of Cap’s character. Cap isn’t just an old grandpa who can’t get with the times, he’s a human being who grows and learns to love the world he’s in, even if he’ll never forget his old one. In here he just spends his time either fighting or complaining to Janet about how he doesn’t like how women dress these days, or the movies. It’s just soulless.
Some people also say this is a deconstruction of The Avengers, and honestly, this is true. In a technical sense, sure, this is a deconstruction, but it’s still so basic one, This is so far from good deconstructionist comics like Watchmen they don’t even feel like the same sub-genre. Can you imagine if either Millar or another writer attempted to do something on Watchmen’s level? It would be game-changing. This has none of the profound, thoughtful moments or writing that Watchmen had.
Janet is a mutant here, which is different from the 616 and on its own it’s not the worst thing to do to her character. Either way she has the power to shrink. What’s more damaging is the domestic violence I mentioned earlier, and how Janet doesn’t have much of a character at all. Throughout the story she goes back and forth between Hank and Cap and nothing substantial is said about the cycle of abuse, or maybe how she’s picking bad partners, nothing. She’s a woman, so she has to be in constant relationships. She also gets to be subject to tons of cheesecake shots since going small makes her clothes fall off, and of course the infamous scene where she flashes the Hulk in order to distract him. Very classy way to depict an iconic Avengers character, and one of the few females.
Speaking of females, Scarlet Witch. I have no idea how this came into Millar’s head, but he decided to make Wanda and Pietro, who are twins, lovers in the reality. It’s just as gross as it sounds. Also, because Millar is only capable of ruining other writers’ ideas, when the Ultron bots show up Wanda flirts with them and gives one her number. You know, because in the 616 Wanda and Vision had a very long relationship, so obviously Wanda has to date the first robot she sees.
Some people say this is mature, and once again I disagree. Depicting mature things does not make a work mature. Showing violence but saying nothing about it is just juvenile. Showing domestic violence but saying nothing about it is not mature, its just an empty depiction. At the very most there’ll be hints of something mature, hints of a critique, but it never evolves beyond the surface. This run is full of Millar’s opinions on American imperialism and the Bush Administration, but none of the opinions run any deeper than “Military industrial complex bad”, “Bush bad” “War bad”. I don’t even like George Bush, but this is on par with Family Guy cutaway gags, it’s just cheap insults with no bite. Why not critique Bush’s policies? Why not critique his actions or analyze his effect on the American public? Or just don’t do it, because once again none of this was required, he chose to do this.
One thing I’ve seen get a lot of recognition is Bryan Hitch’s artwork, and I mostly agree. Hitch’s artwork aims to be “cinematic” and action heavy, and it’s definitely both, but I don’t think that’s always a good thing. This is very subjective, but I think comic art has a different appeal than visuals in a movie. The art here is presented in a lot of large, horizontal panels and a crap ton of splash pages. These can work well, as they maximize the amount of art you get to see. Tons of buildings crumble, lots of explosions happen and at first it’s neat. Problem is they look more like stills from a movie instead of action on a page. There’s no visual storytelling at play, just freeze-frames of big booms. Eventually by the end of Ultimates 2 my eyes started to glaze over panel after panel of explosions over and over. The fight scenes suffer th same fate. They lack kinetic energy, there’s no motion to them at all, just freeze-frames of people punching each other or throwing each other into stuff. The only time my eyes perked up was when Quicksilver was in action and there’s a good deal of line work and effort showing how fast he moves. The art is realistic sure, but I would prefer colorful comic styled art that pops and is memorable. What’s the point of realism if everything is bland and gray?
I struggle to even recall what the plot here is. There are chunks of the story where nothing happens, and The Ultimates just sit around talking and making extremely dated pop culture references. I want to give Millar some credit in a meta way. The Ultimates fight each other almost more than villains, which could’ve been intended to further the critique and show how ineffective and wasteful they are. However, even if that were true,it doesn’t help the story. You may have proved a point, but you delivered a bad product to do it.
There’s so much bad here. It’s almost like eating at a terrible restaurant that everyone told you was bad. I had a feeling I would’t love it, but I just had to know for sure, I had to read it.
I wish I didn’t.