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272 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2022
The violence I have seen has left me feeling hollowed out, unable to gild all the agony with some beautiful meaning...it now seems absurd to cheaply suggest that it built toward any greater purpose, or paved the way for greater peace and prosperity, or that it is anything more than a net increase in the suffering and horror of a world awash in blood, or that there is even a realistic prospect for any kind of justice, some of kind restitution or payment or balancing out, even in a small way, for what has been erased. (p. 192)
As my anger boils over in righteous indignation, I know that none of us comes away clean - none of us walks away without blood on our hands - the blood of children on our hands from this war...urban warfare means children living in fear, children in tears, children orphaned, children wounded, and - God forgive us all - children killed. I will have to square my presence here in Iraq - my life in the military - with my soul and my God. (p. 196)
9/11 unified America. It overcame partisan divides, bound us together, and gave us the sense of common purpose so lacking in today's poisonous politics. And nothing that we have done as a nation has been so catastrophically destructive as what we did when we were enraptured by the warm glow of victimization and felt like we could do anything, together. (p. 237)
After previously voting for Barack Obama, she became a Trump supporter and follower of the Q-anon conspiracy theory, ultimately joining the crowd that broke into the Capitol, beating and injuring police officers, and storming the halls of Congress only moments after the chambers had been evacuated. “Nothing will stop us,” she had written in a social media post the day before. “They can try and try and try, but the storm is here and is descending upon DC.” She was shot while climbing onto a ledge near a locked door the insurrectionists were trying to get through. …
What a thrill it must have been for Babbitt in the moments before she died. How much more meaningful than the frustrating, indeterminate war she fought in, it must have been, to have a simple, clear enemy, and a simple, clear mission: to take Congress, and make them reinstate President Trump by force. It’s easy to dismiss Babbitt as a loon, but her beliefs were a distilled paranoid version of a not-so-unreasonable distrust of American elites. The past decades of war have shown mismanagement, incompetence, bald-faced lies, as well as forms of cruelty only a bit less bizarre than Q-anon: such as the CIA’s use of hummus enemas as a form of torture. The sense that our leadership class can be corrupt, or ineffectual, or malevolent, or callous, or blindly self-interested is well-founded. The power of that distrust was driven home for me a few weeks before the 2016 election. [fellow Marine Trump voter who saw Hillary as a foreign-policy hawk]. The groomsman preferred even an incompetent and inconstant resistance to our wars, over the competent expansion of them, since the downside of the latter could be measured in tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of lives.
I’ve written about military policy under both President Obama, and President Trump. I’ve questioned what we’re doing and tried to write about what flawed policy looks and feels like, to those tasked with carrying it out. To me, this is inescapably and obviously engaged political speech. But to my friend, a smart guy who nevertheless spends a surprisingly large amount of time trying to come up with inventive ways to crassly insult his political enemies, there was something lacking. Something to do with my inclination to be “unfailingly polite,” as he called it. I try to avoid making personal attacks, or casting my arguments in the typical good/evil binary of partisan politics. My friend is a veteran of a tough deployment to Afghanistan. He’s acutely conscious of how thin our public discussion of the wars has been. And, more than anything, he’s acutely conscious of the ways our collective failure as a society, to demand serious oversight of the wars, has direct, physical, violent impact on people we know and care about.
If you look back on the human waste of the past 17 years and are not filled with rage, is there not something wrong with you? And if you want to be honest in public debate, if you don’t want to engage in the kind of lies and obfuscations and double-speak proliferating across our body politic, don’t you have to let that rage slip into your speech? It’s a fair point. Rage seems like a perfectly natural, and justified, response to our broader political dysfunction. From healthcare, to tax policy, to climate change, we are failing to meaningfully address issues whose impact can be measured in human lives. And invitations to civil debate can sometimes be nothing more than a con, carried out by malign actors within the system. The conservative entertainer Ann Coulter used to play a game, where she’d say something horrible, and then, when questioned about it, shift to a thinly connected but defensible argument. Like when she claimed on the Today Show that she’d written that a group of politically active 9/11 widows were “enjoying their husband’s deaths,” only to call attention to how they were “using their grief in order to make a political point.” The game, one suspects, is less about sparking political debate, than indulging in a kind of performative contempt. So why play that game, when the simple extension of a middle finger is both easier and more honest? It will, at the very least, be more fun.
But performative rage is fun for both sides… Rage is a dangerous emotion, not simply because it can be destructive, but because it can be so easily satisfied with cheap targets. Like my friend who picks fights online, I’m a veteran. I know people who have been injured or killed overseas… and yes, it fills me with rage. But if that rage is to mean anything, it means I cannot distract myself with the illusion of adjudicating past wrongs with artfully-phrased putdowns. In a world where we are still at war, the most important question is, “what do we do now?” There, the moral certainty of my rage must be met with humility about the limits of my knowledge.