Gaslighted by God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith

by Tiffany Yecke Brooks

“We have a right to encounter God where we are. We have a sacred responsibility to experience God authentically."   What happens when the God we’ve been taught to believe in seems powerless to help us in the struggles of life? What do we do when the God we personally encounter no longer resembles the God we’ve been shown in narrow interpretations of the Bible?  Many of those raised in the world of fundamentalist Christianity have been manipulated into accepting a false reality that runs counter to lived experience. The result is confusion, isolation, fear, shame, and trauma, often carried throughout one’s entire life. This book is for the victims of this spiritual abuse—anyone looking to reclaim their faith from legalism, nationalism, sexism, anxiety, intolerance, and other mechanisms of control utilized by God’s self-appointed gatekeepers. It’s for anyone who has learned that the real God is infinitely complex, that authentic faith is perfectly compatible with doubt, and that our suffering is not something we’ve earned.  Gaslighted by God  is not a book of easy answers—it’s a companion for those mourning the loss of a belief system who need their pain recognized and legitimized. Tiffany Yecke Brooks shows—through stories from her own life, conversations with Christians from a variety of backgrounds, historical anecdotes, and messy episodes from Scripture—that there can be faith after disillusionment. But it will be a different faith—bruised, battered, nuanced, and  real , rather than one wrapped in tissue-thin platitudes and three-point sermons. It will be a faith empowered to see beyond who God “should” be to who God  is .

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Religion, Psychology, Christian Living, Christian, Christianity

256 pages, Hardcover

Published May 24, 2022

Reviews

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this is the book I didn't know I needed.

I think the title is a bit misleading. This is more a book about being gaslighted by religion, by those Christians who will give you pat responses to your questions and doubts, those who might make you feel less than or not enough for asking difficult questions. There are many books out there that explore the deconstruction of faith like this, but this is the first book that I have read that realistically looks at the reconstruction process. Brooks centers the book around the idea that the Bible is our introduction to God, not the endpoint. The Bible doesn't create boundaries for God, and many Christians use the Bible to put God in a box and attempt to limit His abilities and potential. We have to be careful to deconstruct that thinking and stop putting these fences around God, even when talking in reference to the Bible.

Brooks explores multiple topics in light of what the Bible actually says about them. Not what we've been conditioned to think about them. She categorizes them as follows:

Asking: The God who demands too much. What about when things are more than you can handle? How do we respond?

Apathy: The God who doesn't seem to care How do you justify a God who seems ambivalent to your pain?

Atrophy: The God who can't seem to act This is a deep chapter, where she explores many aspects of life when God appears to be not acting when we desperately need Him to.

Anger: The God of punishment Is everything bad that happens to us a result of our sin?

Ambiguity: The God of the inscrutable An exploration of legalism vs. freedom and choice

Abandonment: The God who no longer seems present "When we approach God with expectations accumulated through personal bias and cultural lenses, we are penning the Almighty into a limited understanding of who God is and how God operates." From this perspective, she encourages the reader to let go of inaccurate ideas of who God is.

Absence: The God who never was A thoughtful look at doubt.

Arbitrariness: The God of shifting Goalposts Deconstructing and then reconstructing the idea of "God cares more about your holiness than your happiness."

Antagonism: The God of chaos We need connection to help us through the chaos.

Accountability: The God who expects us to act We must become intimately involved with injustice and take action.

Anxiety and Abuse: The God of manipulation "Unfortunately, many people treat religion like a bandage they can slap onto someone else's situation to stop the bleeding and cover the wound, and consider it first aid--as if a human soul in turmoil is merely suffering from a sacred paper cut." Trauma-informed ministry is critical. The church will fail to exist if we keep putting trite answers upon real pain.

Allegory: The God who must fit our narrative "When we become obsessed with trying to suss out 'What God is trying to tell us,' we may reach the point that we put our faith in the metaphor or the symbol itself, rather than in God...we may bend our interpretation of occurrences and outcomes to fall in line with a pre-fabricated image of what we imagine our story's final outcome is supposed to be." We try to create significance out of events, even when it may not be there.

Authenticity: A God of infinite facts It is okay to admit that you are disappointed, disillusioned, questioning, and angry.

This is a book I would love to discuss with others, because it has expanded upon things that I've been feeling and thinking for a long time. It puts a magnifying glass on the problems with religious thinking and will help someone who is looking for a shift in perspective for a more robust faith.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

[Karen Clements · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the incendiary title, Brooks hasn’t written a book about a twisted deity bent on tricking his followers mercilessly; rather, she describes a multitude of ways that modern Christians have fashioned a God more like a genie who gives us shiny things if we do all the right things. When He doesn’t behave as we’ve been trained to think He will, we become disillusioned and doubtful, only to be labeled as weak by well-meaning fellow churchgoers. Brooks counters this with expert analysis of the Bible and encourages readers to seek and find truth, boldness, and a more accurate picture of a loving God.

[Josh Olds · Rating 5 out of 5]

What if you did everything right and it all still fell apart? What if you believed with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and still you felt disconnected? What if you loved God and your neighbor but continually felt like that was a one-way relationship? What if everything felt like it wasn’t working but you kept being told that it was? For some, all of that describes their relationship with God. They’ve been told this is the victorious life, but it doesn’t feel victorious. Gaslighted by God is emotionally intense, deeply-felt exploration of how to begin recovering a faith disillusioned by experience. Going through this experience can be overwhelming, isolating, and terrifying. Tiffany Yecke Brooks offers readers comfort and solidarity—validating the feelings of disillusionment through biblical and contemporary sources.

Gaslighted by God begins with an introduction that I fell in love with. As I’ve deconstructed (in order to build a faith that’s better and stronger), I’ve intensely felt the need to let go and sit in the mystery of God and be content in knowing that I will never know some things. Growing up, I loved apologetics (and still do, to an extent). Apologetics was the 20th century Christian response to scientific rationalism. Since secularism portrayed itself as more intellectual, Christians decided to fight the battle on those grounds. While that has its merits, what some forms of Christianity lost amid all that was the sense of mysticism. If everything has to make sense, what do we do when something doesn’t make sense? We can either accept the mystery or contrive a solution. Many decided that the contrived solution was better. Which leads to feelings of being gaslighted. Because insisting there’s a rational answer doesn’t make there be one. Gaslighted by God understands that and, in no uncertain terms, that “This is a book about we renegotiate our understanding of a God who no longer seems good and who no longer seems godly…a book for people who are fed up with pat answers and bad theology.”

In fourteen chapters, Gaslighted by God explores various ways in which the God of our experience might not align with the God we’ve been taught. Not every chapter may apply to your life, but inevitably you’ll find something that does—even if it’s not something you were looking for.

1. Shell-Shocked Faith: Reconciling Scripture and Experience
2. Asking: The God who Demands Too Much
3. Apathy: The God Who Doesn’t Seem to Care
4. Atrophy: The God Who Can’t Seem to Act
5. Anger: The God of Punishment
6. Ambiguity: The God of the Inscrutable
7. Abandonment: The God Who No Longer Feels Present
8. Absence: The God Who Never Was
9. Arbitrariness: The God of Shifting Goalposts
10. Antagonism: The God of Chaos
11. Accountability: The God Who Expects Us to Act
12. Anxiety and Abuse: The God of Manipulation
13. Allegory: The God Who Must Fit Our Narrative
14. Authenticity: The God of Infinite Faces

Through it all, Brooks is deeply biblical, diving into the text to pull out examples of people in Scripture who went through these same experiences. Gaslighted by God validates those experiences, reminds readers that they are not alone, and points toward a path of healing and grace. I had to take this book slowly and in pieces because reading too much of it at once just overwhelmed me. There’s a lot of pain in this book, and Brooks doesn’t shy away from that. But there’s also hope. And it’s hope that prevails in the end.

As the book closes, Gaslighted by God says clearly the statement it had implicitly been building up to: God does not gaslight us; human beings do, and they often do so in God’s name through a selective, incomplete, myopic, or power-driven agenda. Brooks looks at all the ways humans have felt hurt by God or God’s people and encourages them to step away from toxic versions of faith—not to step away forever, but to rebuild and experience God in a way that is authentic and whole. If you are struggling in your relationship with God, Gaslighted by God is a book of hope and validation.

[Lori Malone · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I finished this book, I immediately flipped back to page 1 and began again. Over the years, there has been teaching, not necessarily through my church, but definitely through other Christian media that we consumed ( was it an industry?) that just didn’t sit right with me. But I couldn’t tease out the nuances that didn’t seem to match up with my experience as a seeker trying to follow Jesus. It didn’t feel safe to question. The emphasis was always on the strength of one’s faith so doubt, dryness, discouragement and disappointment were indicators of a weak faith. Read your Bible more! Pray more! Serve more! Work harder! If you don’t feel close to God, it’s not him who has moved! Gosh, it was exhausting. Yecke-Brooks, through looking at the language and narrow interpretations of text, addresses the anxiety that has been the undercurrent for so many, including me. A breath of fresh air!

[L Frost · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a breath of fresh air. The author clearly states at the beginning that she is not going to be giving answers, solutions, etc. But instead she opens the door and finally gives people permission to ask questions, to not have everything wrapped up with a tidy bow, to admit weakness, to fail, to doubt, to be frustrated with the responses and reactions and expectations of others. She guides the reader toward openness, honesty, and the chance to view God differently. The way that is probably more accurate and in line with His character versus our human limitations we place on him or our caricature we’ve created. While I haven’t experienced all of these, I either have been in these situations or watched others find themselves in them. This insight could open the door to new conversations about faith and God. It could be the approach that breaks down the barriers those who no longer believe have constructed because of their personal experiences. God doesn’t fit our narrative, we need to find our place in his.

[Brad Blackman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have noticed a sort of “trend” in people in their 30s and 40s becoming disillusioned with the Church and embarking on journeys of “reconstruction.” I think a lot of that stems from the fact that this is a generation that finally has some perspective and sees some glaring underlying problems and is now questioning why things are the way they are.

This was at times difficult to read because it triggered certain memories for me. Having grown up in a fundamentalist Christian environment myself I know what the author is talking about. She is compassionate toward people on both sides of the equation: there is empathy for those who have felt gaslighted by God (more specifically, the Church), as well as those who clearly misunderstand what the gospel is really about and end up gaslighting fellow Christians themselves. That said, she doesn’t let them off the hook for it. I think I’m a lot of ways this book is a call for repentance for the Church to know better and then do better.

In reading this I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably have some form of complex trauma due to experiences in the church. (As a result, I’ve been extremely cautious in getting to know anyone from church.)

[Abigail Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated this book a great deal, especially as I spend more time with the Bible this year. Brooks brings her scholarly background to bear on common challenges people experience in authoritarian Christian traditions, guiding readers out of spiritual trauma and towards a more frank and wholehearted faith in a voice that is warm and approachable. I especially enjoyed "Abandonment," "Arbitrariness," and "Authenticity." This is a book for Christians who want to continue to engage, or perhaps re-engage, with a faith walk that may have been thwarted by abusive churches, spiritual leaders, or painful life circumstances. Brooks makes it safe to come back on one's own terms.

[Greg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finally got around to that book Gaslighted by God. It calls out Christians who would try to invalidate people struggling with this question posed by Epicurus:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

It says it’s ok to ask questions and to live with openness about it and authenticity despite it making other Christ followers uncomfortable. The book gives several biblical examples of people who went through the same path of inquiry and some pretty messed up circumstances. Some of them had everything set right in this lifetime and others not so much.

I am not sure this book has all the answers as much as it reminds that feeling this way is Ok. God can handle it. The question why do bad things happen to good people is a tough one and is one I’ve come back to several times. The answer I’ve arrived at is God is good, God is willing, and God is capable, but He isn’t going to nullify free agency and bad things don’t always happen as a consequence to anything one is doing wrong. Sometimes we sin, others sin, we’re living in a fallen world, and sometimes things just have to end as part of God’s plan being fulfilled. That doesn’t make bad situations any easier in the moment and thoughts and prayers may still feel like putting band aids over bullet holes.

[Rémi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I suggest you to read the synopsis of this book, and if that entices you, then it’s definitely the one for you.

This book came to me at a time where I needed it most: being a Christian who still believes in God, but is constantly questioning my faith and asking questions that nobody knows the answer to, not really.
This book perfectly explained so many things to me and has opened my eyes to a new light in which I can view my faith. No, the book isn’t completely responsible, but I think it’s still a major part of what is helping me see a little more clearly now, and if that’s what you need, read it.
I’m not someone who reads much non-fiction (or any at all) but this was exquisitely written, brought so many relevant ideas to the table, and was so well structured that I didn’t feel it too boring, too slow, or that there was anything unnecessary to it- which were huge fears.
It’s definitely a take what speaks out to you, but that’s obvious for a non-fiction book like this. No one person has the same experience in anything, and that wasn’t a problem for me, especially as all the points were interesting and most *did* apply to myself.

[Candy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Gaslighted by God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith" is a book written by Tiffany Yecke Brooks. The book is about the spiritual abuse that many people face in the world of fundamentalist Christianity. It explores the confusion, isolation, fear, shame, and trauma that people experience when they are manipulated into accepting a false reality that runs counter to their lived experience. The book is a companion for those mourning the loss of a belief system who need their pain recognized and legitimized. It shows that there can be faith after disillusionment, but it will be a different faith—bruised, battered, nuanced, and real, rather than one wrapped in tissue-thin platitudes and three-point sermons.

[Ag · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is not about being gaslighted by God per se, the title is somewhat a bait-y in this regard. Yet the book is about being gaslighted by organized religion, by the people in it, by those who created it, who run the churches, who are at congregations, etc.
Other than this, this book was great. It was like a breath of fresh air; it was like a bright light that’s shined upon all the weirdness out there. The book that shows that most likely you (me, that is) are not disappointed in God. It was the way it is presented and organized, the way it is done in society, and the way it has been manipulated.

[Kathy Van Der Dyke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. It gives such a clear picture of God vs the church and human church leaders. I feel so much better for some of the questions I've had over the years that I felt couldn't be asked because of the fear others would think my faith was faltering, but this book helped me understand that isn't true - God wants those questions and wants us to seek HIM for all of those answers. No church is perfect because it is made up of humans! God is sovereign. Not sure that makes sense, but this book was super good and I recommend it highly!

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I pretty much loved everything about this book. Essential reading for all Jesus followers, I’d say!

[Lesa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could have underlined the entire book! I needed to read this.

[Kayla Doucet · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title sounds incorrect, but the author goes into why she chose it. One of those kind of books you need to analyze and talk about with a close friend. Really glad I found this one. Bit of an odd choice to start 2023 with, but I know I won't regret spending time with it. There are so many good quotes, I'll have to go back and save them.

[Aaron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written and researched. While I enjoyed the read and picked up a handful of good advice, I do question some of the Biblical interpretations of select passages. Aside from that, this would easily be a 5-star review. I highly recommend this book to any curious or skeptical readers. I look forward to reading more books from this author.