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Il grande vuoto di un piccolo amico
Condividiamo ogni giorno le nostre vite con cani, gatti e tanti altri animali: il loro amore ci riempie di gioia, la loro dolcezza ci aiuta a superare i problemi quotidiani e instauriamo con loro relazioni uniche e dalle radici profonde. Eppure, la nostra società fatica a riconoscere e dare dignità al dolore che si prova quando uno di loro ci lascia. Con questo libro Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson ci accompagna con grande coinvolgimento emotivo nell’esplorare le nostre reazioni in quei momenti difficili; suggerisce e consiglia come affrontare il lutto, come superarlo, e come coltivare la memoria dei nostri amici più cari. Condividendo storie edificanti e commoventi, Masson ci offre tanti consigli utili e tante risposte per ricordare con commozione i nostri amati animali, elementi fondamentali delle nostre famiglie.
216 pages, Hardcover
First published June 23, 2020
36 people are currently reading
1875 people want to read
About the author
Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson
50 books257 followersHe has written several books books critical of psychoanalysis, psychotherapy and psychiatry as well as books on animals, their emotions and their rights.
He currently lives in New Zealand with his wife, two sons, three cats and three rats.
He currently lives in New Zealand with his wife, two sons, three cats and three rats.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
June 16, 2022
I lost my golden doodle almost a year ago and it was the hardest thing I have yet to go through. I'm still grieving everyday although I have since then gotten a new puppy. I thought this book would be perfect for me but honestly it was a little confusing and disjointed. One chapter was anecdotes about people who loved and lost their pets and then the next chapter would be preaching on the nonexistence of the afterlife or how we should all go vegan one day or how he doesn't believe in euthanasia. I found little to no comfort from Masson but rather from the people's stories he included throughout the book. I did cry a lot throughout the novel anyway but it is not what I was looking for unfortunately. I wouldn't recommend this to someone who just lost a pet either.
Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for an advanced copy!
Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for an advanced copy!
April 20, 2020
As someone who recently lost my beloved dog, I thought I would find some comfort in at least some of this book. Unfortunately, I did not. Masson seems to write from a place lacking compassion and comfort as he at one point writes about not believing in the rainbow bridge or afterlife etc which would be ok- that's his perspective but there are many out there who do believe that (me included) so writing about both perspectives would've been more helpful in my opinion. I found the tone of the book lacking in kindness and very preachy throughout. The author clearly has something against cats and I found his writing about them condescending, to say the least. The only part I did agree with was staying with your pet for euthanasia but here again, the author wrote about this very personal aspect from a place of righteousness rather than compassion. I would recommend looking elsewhere if you've recently lost a pet and you're looking for words of wisdom and comfort
December 29, 2019
Lost Companions
Reflections on the Death of Pets
By: jeffrey Moussaieff Masson
A heartfelt exploration of human grief after the loss of a pet by the New York Times bestselling author of "Dogs Never Lie About Love."
This book was very well researched and written by the author, who has been around animals his entire life. He has always had a strong sense of love, empathy and respect for every single animal and their feelings from small ones such as little fish, rats, cats and dogs, to horses, sheep, cows, pigs, chickens, rabbits, to...well you get the picture, all animals. His strong emotional attachment and empathy for all animals helped him easily become a vegan as well.
The thing I really enjoyed about this book was that he included many different stories from people talking about their beloved pets that they had loved for years and had lost. They talked about personal stories of their time with their pet and how much their pet meant to them. They each discussed all the different ways they had each chosen to memorialize them to keepsake their memories. There were just so many heart-touching stories from so many people. Their pets were a big part of their family and meant so much to each of them. Pets made such an impact on their lives and he touched on the fact that all people grieve in their own way and need to take as much time as they need. There is no set amount of time for grief.
This book is very good. There were times I was reading that I was smiling warmly and other times I was in tears reading some of the stories about people and their beloved pets. Sometimes it reminded me of some of my own memories with my sweet pets as well. I highly recommend this book, it will tug at your heartstrings a bit but it is such a great read!
I want to thank #netgalley, the publisher, St. Martin's Press, and the author, Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson for this temporary advance copy to read in exchange for my honest review. All opinions for this review are my own.
Pub Date 23 Jun 2020
Reflections on the Death of Pets
By: jeffrey Moussaieff Masson
A heartfelt exploration of human grief after the loss of a pet by the New York Times bestselling author of "Dogs Never Lie About Love."
This book was very well researched and written by the author, who has been around animals his entire life. He has always had a strong sense of love, empathy and respect for every single animal and their feelings from small ones such as little fish, rats, cats and dogs, to horses, sheep, cows, pigs, chickens, rabbits, to...well you get the picture, all animals. His strong emotional attachment and empathy for all animals helped him easily become a vegan as well.
The thing I really enjoyed about this book was that he included many different stories from people talking about their beloved pets that they had loved for years and had lost. They talked about personal stories of their time with their pet and how much their pet meant to them. They each discussed all the different ways they had each chosen to memorialize them to keepsake their memories. There were just so many heart-touching stories from so many people. Their pets were a big part of their family and meant so much to each of them. Pets made such an impact on their lives and he touched on the fact that all people grieve in their own way and need to take as much time as they need. There is no set amount of time for grief.
This book is very good. There were times I was reading that I was smiling warmly and other times I was in tears reading some of the stories about people and their beloved pets. Sometimes it reminded me of some of my own memories with my sweet pets as well. I highly recommend this book, it will tug at your heartstrings a bit but it is such a great read!
I want to thank #netgalley, the publisher, St. Martin's Press, and the author, Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson for this temporary advance copy to read in exchange for my honest review. All opinions for this review are my own.
Pub Date 23 Jun 2020
February 27, 2020
I thought this would be a good choice for me to read, having just lost my beautiful 12 year old rescue golden retriever. However, I found this book neither enlightening nor comforting. Masson declares that he is opposed to telling children that their deceased pet will be seen again (what some of us refer to as the rainbow bridge) because “I cannot share this belief so it would be hypocrisy to talk of an afterlife,” and because children would accuse a parent of lying years later. Really? Anecdotes from his previous book (which I did read and enjoy), the story of Oscar the cat who was said to predict upcoming deaths in a nursing home, his own story (in his late 70’s married to a much younger woman, had a teenage son, and an older dog who might be dying--whose death is mentioned in a postscript), the ethics of eating meat, and information about deaths of wild animals seemed like irrelevant space fillers, and had me wondering why this book even needed to be written at all. Perhaps someone with experience in grief counseling would have been a better choice than this author to write about our beloved “lost companions.” Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Want to read
December 8, 2019It's not often that a nonfiction book makes my most anticipated list, but this book might be exactly what I need.
January 8, 2020
As most animal lovers, I've been familiar with Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson's writing but I don't think I had ever fully read any of his books until now. This book was a bit of a mixed bag for me. There is a fair amount of repetition and there's something choppy about the writing style. There are high points in the book (touching from fans about their own animals), but there are also moments that truly annoyed me. Masson doesn't seem to have much connection with cats. Having shared my life with both cats and dogs, I can honestly say that one can connect just as deeply with a cat as with a dog. He also makes negative comments about euthanasia, stating we can't know what the animal wants. I fear some will read this and hesitate from making the decision to end a loved animal's suffering. Later in the book, he seems less against euthanasia. He does make a point of noting the importance of the animals' people being near when the moment arrives. This is always to toughest moment, but I agree that it is our duty to make it as stress-free as possible for these animals we love and this means being present. I can't imagine choosing not to be there in that last moment. Euthanasia should never be an easy choice, but a thoughtful decision made with the animal's needs in mind. I am glad we have that option to end true suffering. I happen to live in an area where doctor-assisted suicide is legal in specified circumstances and I believe that in some situations, this is the kindest choice. Maybe I got a little hung up on the euthanasia debate since it appeared so early in the book, but in the end, I won't be recommending this one to my animal-loving friends.
Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review.
Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review.
April 20, 2020
This book has more to do with death and animals than it has to do with the deaths of pets, which I think is an important distinction if you're looking for a pet-loss-only book. I also don't think it'd be particularly helpful if you're currently in the mourning process or if the loss is fresh, but I'll get more into that later.
First of all, I disagree that cats as a whole can't be walked on a leash and enjoy it, unlike dogs. As somebody who recently rescued a senior dog who was rarely, if ever, walked on a leash— trust me, dogs aren't born loving a leash, either. It all depends on training and exposure.
As for cats getting "fat and lazy" if they're kept safe indoors— well, that depends on how you keep them. Enrichment is important and you have to be a good, present owner. Play with them daily, get them multiple scratching posts, plenty of fun toys, tall cat towers so they can sit up high, etc. You can also— again— train them to walk on a leash so they can enjoy the outdoors safely, or build a catio as mentioned in the book. Aside from outdoor cats having a much shorter life expectancy, they also compete with wild animals, are an invasive species, and kill (torture) a tremendous amount of wildlife, leading some species to endangerment. They're a huge threat to biodiversity, and I wish that would've been mentioned. (Is it obvious I'm a crazy cat lady?)
The author goes off topic regularly. What does euthanasia in humans have to do with the death of pets? What does the author's opinion on psychiatric mediation have to do with the death of pets? (And for the record— psychiatric mediation saves lives and the "go outside, eat well, and breathe fresh air to cure all that ails you!" approach is often incredibly unhelpful. I work out regularly, have lost a lot of weight, eat well, take supplements, track my diet to make sure I get all my vitamins/minerals... and I still have mental illnesses. If things get really bad I'll go on medication again, because I'd rather that than to die or suffer.)
The author also seems very uneasy about euthanasia for animals, too. I'm glad I didn't read this after we had to euthanize my senior pitbull because it would've destroyed me. Did I make the right choice? Should I have waited longer? Looking back on it now that I've healed a bit, I know in my heart I did the best thing for her. If I had read this book at that time, though, I would've second-guessed myself. I also would've felt awful for having her put to sleep in a vet's office rather than at home, despite the fact that it was an emergency and that we don't have that option in my area.
It's odd to me that he let his rats roam the house with his cats, and that he insisted on walking along the beach with all of his animals, even the ones at risk of being killed by off-leash dogs. Another thing— so-called "kill shelters" aren't any worse or less loving than so-called "no kill shelters." The difference? "No-kill" shelters often turn away un-adoptable animals or all animals if they're at max capacity, and "kill" shelters don't. Until we have infinite funds, supplies, volunteers, and space (or fewer homeless animals) there will always be "kill" shelters... and they shouldn't be demonized or looked down upon.
I do like how he normalizes us mourning animals and how we should teach children it's okay to feel sad. I also love how he mentioned goldfish need more enrichment and space than a bowl! Surely hard to believe for some, but they're social creatures who live a long time (similar to a cat) and get very large with proper care. The reason they often die early (1-5 years) is because of normalized bad husbandry.
I also love the vegan aspect. When the author first mentioned farm animals I was worried I'd have to read about how their horrific deaths are somehow not sad, or that the animals who are killed for food are somehow different and undeserving of our empathy. I've heard every reason under the sun on why farm animals shouldn't be mourned or cared about, so I was prepared for the worst... but it never came. Hearing somebody stick up for them and talk about the needless torture they endure was unexpected and very, very welcome. (Still doesn't have much to do with the death of pets, though.)
This book was a 3.5-ish. It was hard to rate and I disagreed with several bits as you can see, but I did enjoy it.
First of all, I disagree that cats as a whole can't be walked on a leash and enjoy it, unlike dogs. As somebody who recently rescued a senior dog who was rarely, if ever, walked on a leash— trust me, dogs aren't born loving a leash, either. It all depends on training and exposure.
As for cats getting "fat and lazy" if they're kept safe indoors— well, that depends on how you keep them. Enrichment is important and you have to be a good, present owner. Play with them daily, get them multiple scratching posts, plenty of fun toys, tall cat towers so they can sit up high, etc. You can also— again— train them to walk on a leash so they can enjoy the outdoors safely, or build a catio as mentioned in the book. Aside from outdoor cats having a much shorter life expectancy, they also compete with wild animals, are an invasive species, and kill (torture) a tremendous amount of wildlife, leading some species to endangerment. They're a huge threat to biodiversity, and I wish that would've been mentioned. (Is it obvious I'm a crazy cat lady?)
The author goes off topic regularly. What does euthanasia in humans have to do with the death of pets? What does the author's opinion on psychiatric mediation have to do with the death of pets? (And for the record— psychiatric mediation saves lives and the "go outside, eat well, and breathe fresh air to cure all that ails you!" approach is often incredibly unhelpful. I work out regularly, have lost a lot of weight, eat well, take supplements, track my diet to make sure I get all my vitamins/minerals... and I still have mental illnesses. If things get really bad I'll go on medication again, because I'd rather that than to die or suffer.)
The author also seems very uneasy about euthanasia for animals, too. I'm glad I didn't read this after we had to euthanize my senior pitbull because it would've destroyed me. Did I make the right choice? Should I have waited longer? Looking back on it now that I've healed a bit, I know in my heart I did the best thing for her. If I had read this book at that time, though, I would've second-guessed myself. I also would've felt awful for having her put to sleep in a vet's office rather than at home, despite the fact that it was an emergency and that we don't have that option in my area.
It's odd to me that he let his rats roam the house with his cats, and that he insisted on walking along the beach with all of his animals, even the ones at risk of being killed by off-leash dogs. Another thing— so-called "kill shelters" aren't any worse or less loving than so-called "no kill shelters." The difference? "No-kill" shelters often turn away un-adoptable animals or all animals if they're at max capacity, and "kill" shelters don't. Until we have infinite funds, supplies, volunteers, and space (or fewer homeless animals) there will always be "kill" shelters... and they shouldn't be demonized or looked down upon.
I do like how he normalizes us mourning animals and how we should teach children it's okay to feel sad. I also love how he mentioned goldfish need more enrichment and space than a bowl! Surely hard to believe for some, but they're social creatures who live a long time (similar to a cat) and get very large with proper care. The reason they often die early (1-5 years) is because of normalized bad husbandry.
I also love the vegan aspect. When the author first mentioned farm animals I was worried I'd have to read about how their horrific deaths are somehow not sad, or that the animals who are killed for food are somehow different and undeserving of our empathy. I've heard every reason under the sun on why farm animals shouldn't be mourned or cared about, so I was prepared for the worst... but it never came. Hearing somebody stick up for them and talk about the needless torture they endure was unexpected and very, very welcome. (Still doesn't have much to do with the death of pets, though.)
This book was a 3.5-ish. It was hard to rate and I disagreed with several bits as you can see, but I did enjoy it.
June 2, 2021
Nusprendžiau perskaityti šią knygą, nes esu netekęs daug augintinių ir iki šiol negaliu susitaikyti su savo netektimis. Vienas šuo ir trys katės... Laimei tikiu reinkarnacija ir žinau, jog Marta su Stella dabar yra mano Basteta ir Frėja- jos atpažino savo žaislus, ėda tą patį maistą, išvaizda beveik identiška ir jau nuo pirmos nakties ėmė miegoti su manimi. Netekęs Martos ir Stellos liejau kruvinas ašaras ir meldžiau Dievus man sugrąžinti jas- mano maldos buvo išklausytos kai sužinojau, jog draugės katė laukiasi ir galėsiu pasiimti tiek kačiukų kiek norėsiu. Taip mano gyvenime atsirado Basteta ir Frėja- mano buvusių kačių reinkarnacijos.
Skaičiau šios knygos atsiliepimus ir mačiau, jog dauguma žmonių įvertino ją blogai, nes a la autorius paneigė Vaivorykštės Tiltą. Taip tikrai nebuvo. Rašytojas tik paminėjo, jog netiki pomirtiniu gyvenimu ir tiek. Ir už tai blogai vertinti knygą? Nesąmonė kažkokia... Vieni tiki kažkokiu pomirtiniu gyvenimu, kiti kaip autorius netiki, o dar kiti tiki reinkarnacija kaip aš. Tai kiekvieno tikėjimas.
Knyga skaitosi šiek tiek sunkiai, bet turbūt dėl to, kad retai skaitau negrožinę literatūrą ir man ji nepatinka. Bet šita knyga tiko, nes gvildena mano širdžiai artimą temą. Čia daug kalbama apie šunis, tačiau autorius nepamiršta ir kačių. Pasak autoriaus katės nori mirti vienos. Nežinau... galbūt. Mano trys katės buvo užmigdytos. Nė vienos mirties nemačiau. Pirmasis buvo Markizas. Rytą, dienos kai turėjo būti užmigdytas, mačiau, kad jis buvo labai liūdnas... prieš išeidamas į darbą atsisveikinau, bet mačiau, jog jis supranta kas jo laukia. Būtent tai autorius nagrinėja pirmuose skyriuose: ar gyvūnai supranta savo mirtį. Manau, jog supranta. Sunkiausia skaityti buvo žmonių istorijas, nes teko lieti ašaras prisiminus savo gyvūnus... Bendrai paėmus visa knyga labai jautri ir liūdna tad sunku skaityti nesusigadinus nuotaikos. Autorius knygoje taip pat kalba apie veganizmą ir šunų valgymą Azijoje (šitai buvo tikrai žiauru skaityti). Tad knyga tikrai slogi ir liūdna, verčianti mąstyti apie gyvūnus ir save.
Skaičiau šios knygos atsiliepimus ir mačiau, jog dauguma žmonių įvertino ją blogai, nes a la autorius paneigė Vaivorykštės Tiltą. Taip tikrai nebuvo. Rašytojas tik paminėjo, jog netiki pomirtiniu gyvenimu ir tiek. Ir už tai blogai vertinti knygą? Nesąmonė kažkokia... Vieni tiki kažkokiu pomirtiniu gyvenimu, kiti kaip autorius netiki, o dar kiti tiki reinkarnacija kaip aš. Tai kiekvieno tikėjimas.
Knyga skaitosi šiek tiek sunkiai, bet turbūt dėl to, kad retai skaitau negrožinę literatūrą ir man ji nepatinka. Bet šita knyga tiko, nes gvildena mano širdžiai artimą temą. Čia daug kalbama apie šunis, tačiau autorius nepamiršta ir kačių. Pasak autoriaus katės nori mirti vienos. Nežinau... galbūt. Mano trys katės buvo užmigdytos. Nė vienos mirties nemačiau. Pirmasis buvo Markizas. Rytą, dienos kai turėjo būti užmigdytas, mačiau, kad jis buvo labai liūdnas... prieš išeidamas į darbą atsisveikinau, bet mačiau, jog jis supranta kas jo laukia. Būtent tai autorius nagrinėja pirmuose skyriuose: ar gyvūnai supranta savo mirtį. Manau, jog supranta. Sunkiausia skaityti buvo žmonių istorijas, nes teko lieti ašaras prisiminus savo gyvūnus... Bendrai paėmus visa knyga labai jautri ir liūdna tad sunku skaityti nesusigadinus nuotaikos. Autorius knygoje taip pat kalba apie veganizmą ir šunų valgymą Azijoje (šitai buvo tikrai žiauru skaityti). Tad knyga tikrai slogi ir liūdna, verčianti mąstyti apie gyvūnus ir save.
December 4, 2019
Good book for all pet lovers that have had the painful experience of loosing their furry family member.
September 5, 2021
Lettura n. 46 - 2021 - ⭐⭐
Era da un po' che volevo abbandonare questo titolo. Avevo iniziato a leggerlo qualche mese fa ma dopo pochi capitoli mi sono resa conto che non mi sarebbe servito.
Sì, è comunque un libro carino.
Ci sono alcuni passaggi commuoventi ma non è quello che cercavo.
È un libro che non ti aiuta ad affrontare la perdita del proprio compagno quadrupede. Tanto che ci sono alcuni capitoli e tante pagine completamente inutili.
All'inizio mi sono anche detta che Masson, per uno che dichiara di aver avuto tantissimi animali, non sa proprio cosa significa il lutto. Fortunatamente, dalla seconda metà in poi, il libro è diventato un tantino più interessante (ma non è quello che volevo e mi aspettavo di leggere!).
Ieri, però, il giorno prima dell'anniversario della scomparsa di Rudi, mi è sembrato il momento giusto di finirlo finalmente.
L'unica cosa positiva di questo libro è che mi ha permesso di pensare a Rudi in maniera un po' più calma. A ripensare a quel giorno.
Ecco, un'altra cosa.
Masson, quando parla di cani, racconta solo di casi dove i lettori/conoscenti che ha intervistato hanno dovuto porre fine alla vita dei propri animali domestici.
Rudi ha avuto un ictus. Chi l'avrebbe mai detto che dopo due cicli di radioterapia, un'operazione e la chemio, sarebbe stato un ictus a portarcelo via e non il tumore (adenocarcinoma nasale)?!
Sì, nonostante siano passati 12 mesi ci manca ancora tantissimo. La sua ciotola dell'acqua è ancora lì ed è sempre piena. Ci siamo portati la sua urna in vacanza per non lasciarlo da solo in casa ... quindi, sì, credo che dobbiamo ancora affrontare il tutto ... ma credo sia normale.
Forse non sono riuscita ad apprezzare il libro proprio per questo motivo.
Perché non sono riuscita a trovare nemmeno un caso simile.
Ho trovato, invece, quasi sempre solo tante parole e argomenti vuoti.
Era da un po' che volevo abbandonare questo titolo. Avevo iniziato a leggerlo qualche mese fa ma dopo pochi capitoli mi sono resa conto che non mi sarebbe servito.
Sì, è comunque un libro carino.
Ci sono alcuni passaggi commuoventi ma non è quello che cercavo.
È un libro che non ti aiuta ad affrontare la perdita del proprio compagno quadrupede. Tanto che ci sono alcuni capitoli e tante pagine completamente inutili.
All'inizio mi sono anche detta che Masson, per uno che dichiara di aver avuto tantissimi animali, non sa proprio cosa significa il lutto. Fortunatamente, dalla seconda metà in poi, il libro è diventato un tantino più interessante (ma non è quello che volevo e mi aspettavo di leggere!).
Ieri, però, il giorno prima dell'anniversario della scomparsa di Rudi, mi è sembrato il momento giusto di finirlo finalmente.
L'unica cosa positiva di questo libro è che mi ha permesso di pensare a Rudi in maniera un po' più calma. A ripensare a quel giorno.
Ecco, un'altra cosa.
Masson, quando parla di cani, racconta solo di casi dove i lettori/conoscenti che ha intervistato hanno dovuto porre fine alla vita dei propri animali domestici.
Rudi ha avuto un ictus. Chi l'avrebbe mai detto che dopo due cicli di radioterapia, un'operazione e la chemio, sarebbe stato un ictus a portarcelo via e non il tumore (adenocarcinoma nasale)?!
Sì, nonostante siano passati 12 mesi ci manca ancora tantissimo. La sua ciotola dell'acqua è ancora lì ed è sempre piena. Ci siamo portati la sua urna in vacanza per non lasciarlo da solo in casa ... quindi, sì, credo che dobbiamo ancora affrontare il tutto ... ma credo sia normale.
Forse non sono riuscita ad apprezzare il libro proprio per questo motivo.
Perché non sono riuscita a trovare nemmeno un caso simile.
Ho trovato, invece, quasi sempre solo tante parole e argomenti vuoti.
January 25, 2022
Dzień dobry, czy chcecie porozmawiać o śmierci zwierząt?
Podejrzewam, że dla wielu z nas nie jest to łatwy temat - sam pamiętam ostatnią dobę Czarka jako koszmar i niechętnie do tych wspomnień wracam.
Najgorsze w śmierci zwierząt - przynajmniej dla mnie - jest to, że społeczeństwu bardzo trudno jest zrozumieć emocje pozostawionych przez nich na ziemskim padole opiekunów. Przeżywanie żałoby po psie czy kocie często jest widziane jako nieodpowiednie i niestosowne, a nam samym może być głupio z tego powodu, “bo to przecież zwierzę”. Książka Massona to świetna opowieść właśnie o tym - że nie powinno nam być głupio, a śmierć zwierząt może być równie trudna dla opiekunów jak śmierć osoby dorosłej, czy dziecka. A nawet - to zdanie autora - trudniejsza.
Życie z psem czy kotem to oczekiwanie na śmierć, bo przecież są to stworzenia jednak krótkowieczne i towarzyszymy im w szybkim dorastaniu, krótkiej dorosłości i powolnej starości, obserwując z radością ale i rozpaczą te kolejne stadia. Dlatego cieszę się, że w księgarniach pokazała się książka w przystępny i empatyczny sposób o tym opowiadająca. Nawet napisałem kilka słów na jej okładkę.
Mam jednak jedno zastrzeżenie do Massona, który jest pisarzem i fascynuje się psychoanalizą - chwilami idzie za daleko, sugerując np. że antydepresanty można zastąpić sportem i dobrą dietą. Otóż nie można i autor powinien znać granice swojej opowieści i swoich kompetencji. To pogląd szkodliwy. Na szczęście większość poglądów amerykańskiego pisarza jest słuszniejsza i nie budzi mojego oporu.
Dlatego jeśli chcecie poczytać o tym czy i jak przygotować się do tych smutnych momentów, oraz jak pozwolić sobie i innym na przeżywanie żałoby po psiaku czy kotku - polecam zajrzeć.
Podejrzewam, że dla wielu z nas nie jest to łatwy temat - sam pamiętam ostatnią dobę Czarka jako koszmar i niechętnie do tych wspomnień wracam.
Najgorsze w śmierci zwierząt - przynajmniej dla mnie - jest to, że społeczeństwu bardzo trudno jest zrozumieć emocje pozostawionych przez nich na ziemskim padole opiekunów. Przeżywanie żałoby po psie czy kocie często jest widziane jako nieodpowiednie i niestosowne, a nam samym może być głupio z tego powodu, “bo to przecież zwierzę”. Książka Massona to świetna opowieść właśnie o tym - że nie powinno nam być głupio, a śmierć zwierząt może być równie trudna dla opiekunów jak śmierć osoby dorosłej, czy dziecka. A nawet - to zdanie autora - trudniejsza.
Życie z psem czy kotem to oczekiwanie na śmierć, bo przecież są to stworzenia jednak krótkowieczne i towarzyszymy im w szybkim dorastaniu, krótkiej dorosłości i powolnej starości, obserwując z radością ale i rozpaczą te kolejne stadia. Dlatego cieszę się, że w księgarniach pokazała się książka w przystępny i empatyczny sposób o tym opowiadająca. Nawet napisałem kilka słów na jej okładkę.
Mam jednak jedno zastrzeżenie do Massona, który jest pisarzem i fascynuje się psychoanalizą - chwilami idzie za daleko, sugerując np. że antydepresanty można zastąpić sportem i dobrą dietą. Otóż nie można i autor powinien znać granice swojej opowieści i swoich kompetencji. To pogląd szkodliwy. Na szczęście większość poglądów amerykańskiego pisarza jest słuszniejsza i nie budzi mojego oporu.
Dlatego jeśli chcecie poczytać o tym czy i jak przygotować się do tych smutnych momentów, oraz jak pozwolić sobie i innym na przeżywanie żałoby po psiaku czy kotku - polecam zajrzeć.
December 30, 2019
As soon as I saw this one was being published I added it to my To Read list. Then it came up as a Goodreads Giveaway and I entered immediately and was very fortunate to win an Advance Reader Copy. I was not disappointed. I loved this one.
Mr. Masson's book is perfect for anyone who has lived with, loved, and gone through the death of an animal companion. This book is a very important read, and I highly recommend it, for people who have not yet experienced such a death and knows that the loss of their first animal companion is coming in the future.
Favorite parts for me were how to handle the death of animal companions with children, what a veterinarian sees when the humans don't stay in the room for the end, and stories of the emotions animals have and display.
It reinforced the feelings and experiences I've had since I was a young child growing up with my furbrother.
Mr. Masson's book is perfect for anyone who has lived with, loved, and gone through the death of an animal companion. This book is a very important read, and I highly recommend it, for people who have not yet experienced such a death and knows that the loss of their first animal companion is coming in the future.
Favorite parts for me were how to handle the death of animal companions with children, what a veterinarian sees when the humans don't stay in the room for the end, and stories of the emotions animals have and display.
It reinforced the feelings and experiences I've had since I was a young child growing up with my furbrother.
May 25, 2022
When I originally placed this book on my TBR list, I knew that the family 16-year-old dog was not going to be with us much longer. The family had many dogs and cats over the decades and when it was time to say goodbye - either by their choice or the humans having to make a difficult decision - we were always able to find a way to deal with the grief and loss.
Basically, the takeaway is that no one but you can determine how long you mourn or grieve for a lost companion. It's personal nor does it have a time limit. Let no one denigrate the love and affection that existed between you, your family and the companion because 'it was only a dog'. A dog/cat/bird/whatever that gave you unconditional love and respect. Who allowed you to tell them secrets that would never be revealed. Who was the best friend of your children. To not sabotage the grief process by lying to the kids that the pet has gone to a farm (can we visit?) or has runaway (heartbreaking is the hope that one day it will find the way home).
As for the 16-year-old companion, he stayed with us for a bit longer. He was just one week short of 19 years, 3 months before we said goodbye and for literally 19 of those years, he was a constant friend and companion. And yes, I still mourn him at the most unexpected times. Will we get another? Likely and it will also likely be a rescue and an older cat or dog since the family isn't getting any younger and the older animals are less likely to be adopted (yes, he talks about that too).
2022-112
Basically, the takeaway is that no one but you can determine how long you mourn or grieve for a lost companion. It's personal nor does it have a time limit. Let no one denigrate the love and affection that existed between you, your family and the companion because 'it was only a dog'. A dog/cat/bird/whatever that gave you unconditional love and respect. Who allowed you to tell them secrets that would never be revealed. Who was the best friend of your children. To not sabotage the grief process by lying to the kids that the pet has gone to a farm (can we visit?) or has runaway (heartbreaking is the hope that one day it will find the way home).
As for the 16-year-old companion, he stayed with us for a bit longer. He was just one week short of 19 years, 3 months before we said goodbye and for literally 19 of those years, he was a constant friend and companion. And yes, I still mourn him at the most unexpected times. Will we get another? Likely and it will also likely be a rescue and an older cat or dog since the family isn't getting any younger and the older animals are less likely to be adopted (yes, he talks about that too).
2022-112
January 31, 2022
3,5 Nie do końca się zawsze zgadzałam z autorem, a jest to książka przede wszystkim o jego przemyśleniach i doświadczeniach, ale uważam, że ta pozycja robi coś bardzo ważnego: pozwala na normalizację żałoby po ukochanych zwierzętach pozaludzkich i pozwala przekroczyć pewne granice emocjonalne czy światopoglądowe. Autor zdecydowanie woli psy i ja jako kociara musiałam się z tym w pewnym momencie pogodzić, ale ostatecznie ten uwrażliwiający dyskurs uważam za bardzo na plus. Książka raczej pozostawia nas z otwartymi pytaniami na temat tego, jak mówić o zmarłych zwierzętach, jak poruszać ten temat z dziećmi i wreszcie co w sytuacji, gdy trzeba przeprowadzić eutanazję zwierzęcia, ale wszystko to pozwala nam zrozumieć, że towarzystwo zwierząt jest bardziej wielowymiarowe niż nam się zdawało, zwłaszcza tych najbliższych.
July 3, 2025
trochę nie wiem jak to ocenić bo z jednej strony podobały mi się odniesienia do różnych osób, wydarzeń, artykułów, historie pisane przez innych ludzi i niektóre rozważania autora ale z drugiej te opinie to było czasem aż za dużo dla mnie xd no i dużo z tych opinii było tak kategorycznie podanych chociaż dotyczyły rzeczy domniemanych i których nie da się potwierdzić... idk może to o to chodzi w refleksjach
ogólnie najtrudniejszy chyba był dla mnie rozdział opisujący tradycje jedzenia psów i festiwal tego dotyczący, autentycznie, okropnie się o tym czytało 💔
ogólnie najtrudniejszy chyba był dla mnie rozdział opisujący tradycje jedzenia psów i festiwal tego dotyczący, autentycznie, okropnie się o tym czytało 💔
January 30, 2020
**Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.**
I am not a big non fiction reader, I prefer to loose myself in a world of fantasy and fiction, however after having pets my whole life, how could I not relate to this story. It was well researched and from a readers perspective, Jeffrey Masson appears to have a strong sense of love and empathy for animals.
It was a very insightful read, explaining how one can explain death to a child, what vets go through when an owner leaves their pet during their last moments, and how animals express their love and emotions to us their humans/owners/slaves/companions (depending on the pet).
I enjoyed reading from other pet owners, I think that was a good additive to the book, was this the best book to read after getting some not so great news about my fur baby and being pregnant - probably not, but that is completely on me.
I enjoyed this book and if you have experienced the loss of a pet then this may bring up some sadder emotions for you, if you haven't then this may prepare you (in a good way) for what eventually may occur.
I am not a big non fiction reader, I prefer to loose myself in a world of fantasy and fiction, however after having pets my whole life, how could I not relate to this story. It was well researched and from a readers perspective, Jeffrey Masson appears to have a strong sense of love and empathy for animals.
It was a very insightful read, explaining how one can explain death to a child, what vets go through when an owner leaves their pet during their last moments, and how animals express their love and emotions to us their humans/owners/slaves/companions (depending on the pet).
I enjoyed reading from other pet owners, I think that was a good additive to the book, was this the best book to read after getting some not so great news about my fur baby and being pregnant - probably not, but that is completely on me.
I enjoyed this book and if you have experienced the loss of a pet then this may bring up some sadder emotions for you, if you haven't then this may prepare you (in a good way) for what eventually may occur.
June 30, 2021
Overall this is an adequately curated collection of reflections. Personally, I don't feel as if many readers will find much applicable information for their own pets or lives, but rather more so thought-provoking discussions, varying from euthanasia to veganism to the death of his own pets, drawn from Masson's own plethora of experiences. Clearly, he is well-versed in his knowledge of pets and the animal world in general, and I really did appreciate his insight and collections of stories from others. There are, as to be expected, several points on which I disagree with Masson, but he conveys his messages in a fair way I felt. While I know I'll never read it again, I definitely found value in it despite its dismal premise, and I could see any animal or pet lover taking away something from value from Masson's work.
April 24, 2022
*contains spoilers*
Rarely do I hate a book. Only once have I quit reading one. I kept reading this one, only to see what the author would ultimately say. I ended up so pissed off.
I got this book at the library seeking some comfort after the loss of my cat, and the impending losses of my other cat and dog, who are both also very old and sick. I expected it would be comforting. Wrong.
Everyone has their own beliefs about loss, death, grief, all those things. I, myself, am a critical care nurse, so I’ve had a lot of exposure to human death and suffering, and I’ve lost a number of pets throughout my life. That being said, my entire thought process throughout this book was, the AUDACITY of this guy!
The only things I liked about this book were the personal stories included that may help give comfort to some, and the fact that the author stated that we shouldn’t judge people for the way or the amount of time they grieve. That being said, he passed judgement on just about every other thing related to a pet’s death, including arguing that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief don’t appear to apply to pet death, in his opinion.
He is full of contradictions. Humans are anyways, I get that. But he tries to justify his contradictions. For example, he says that there’s an internet meme going around that a vet says dogs look for you in their final moments, so eat your pride and stay with them when they die instead of leaving them. Ok, I agree. Then later, he goes on to say that he has never been present for the deaths of his pets other than one (and he’s had many) who died naturally in his lap, and he further goes on to say that he thinks veterinarians, being so close to death on a regular basis, might have you put your pet down too early, so to be careful. What a thing to say! Especially if someone reading felt a lot of guilt over a euthanasia. He also says a pet dying naturally would be the best way. On the contrary, I’ve witnessed humans suffer horribly before death, and I could never make a pet go through that if I could help it. Why make a cat pee blood? Or a dog have uncontrolled seizures? Or another animal have a tumor slowly suffocate it? Bad, and, dare I say, dangerous, advice for some.
Also, he admonished his mother for lying, taking one of his childhood cats away and leaving it miles away, belittling him for grieving for it, then in another chapter, talks about a pet rat of their son’s, who was killed by their cat, and they decided not to tell him the truth and just let him keep looking for it. But “we never told him not to grieve”. Oh, so it’s ok you lied about it then.
Then, he tries to get the reader to imagine what a cow or chicken feels like before it dies, and encourages readers to become vegetarian, or even vegan, like him. Stay in your lane, man.
The last straw, among more than I’ve mentioned, was the epilogue. The latest dog he’s had for 14 years was left with his son for a year, and then that son had to leave and couldn’t be with the dog. So they take him to some sort of orphanage type place to be a comfort to the kids there. The dog “didn’t seem resentful”. A week before he died, the son and wife visit the dog, and he’s overjoyed to see them! Then they leave, and insist the dog isn’t sad about it, and then the dog dies a week later, with no family members.
What the actual f*^%? I felt that this author was gaslighting readers, telling them they could grieve however they want, but also telling them it wasn’t ok to euthanize a sick pet, or that they should be vegan, or that maybe we were wrong about how close to death our pets might be. I don’t know this man, so I don’t want to completely annihilate him. I’m just confused how his take on pet loss could be comforting to others who don’t think exactly like him. He is elderly; perhaps he’s struggling himself with the finality of time; who knows? I wish him the best.
I’m sorry, after my pet’s loss, it did not in the least give me comfort. Maybe it would for someone else.
Rarely do I hate a book. Only once have I quit reading one. I kept reading this one, only to see what the author would ultimately say. I ended up so pissed off.
I got this book at the library seeking some comfort after the loss of my cat, and the impending losses of my other cat and dog, who are both also very old and sick. I expected it would be comforting. Wrong.
Everyone has their own beliefs about loss, death, grief, all those things. I, myself, am a critical care nurse, so I’ve had a lot of exposure to human death and suffering, and I’ve lost a number of pets throughout my life. That being said, my entire thought process throughout this book was, the AUDACITY of this guy!
The only things I liked about this book were the personal stories included that may help give comfort to some, and the fact that the author stated that we shouldn’t judge people for the way or the amount of time they grieve. That being said, he passed judgement on just about every other thing related to a pet’s death, including arguing that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief don’t appear to apply to pet death, in his opinion.
He is full of contradictions. Humans are anyways, I get that. But he tries to justify his contradictions. For example, he says that there’s an internet meme going around that a vet says dogs look for you in their final moments, so eat your pride and stay with them when they die instead of leaving them. Ok, I agree. Then later, he goes on to say that he has never been present for the deaths of his pets other than one (and he’s had many) who died naturally in his lap, and he further goes on to say that he thinks veterinarians, being so close to death on a regular basis, might have you put your pet down too early, so to be careful. What a thing to say! Especially if someone reading felt a lot of guilt over a euthanasia. He also says a pet dying naturally would be the best way. On the contrary, I’ve witnessed humans suffer horribly before death, and I could never make a pet go through that if I could help it. Why make a cat pee blood? Or a dog have uncontrolled seizures? Or another animal have a tumor slowly suffocate it? Bad, and, dare I say, dangerous, advice for some.
Also, he admonished his mother for lying, taking one of his childhood cats away and leaving it miles away, belittling him for grieving for it, then in another chapter, talks about a pet rat of their son’s, who was killed by their cat, and they decided not to tell him the truth and just let him keep looking for it. But “we never told him not to grieve”. Oh, so it’s ok you lied about it then.
Then, he tries to get the reader to imagine what a cow or chicken feels like before it dies, and encourages readers to become vegetarian, or even vegan, like him. Stay in your lane, man.
The last straw, among more than I’ve mentioned, was the epilogue. The latest dog he’s had for 14 years was left with his son for a year, and then that son had to leave and couldn’t be with the dog. So they take him to some sort of orphanage type place to be a comfort to the kids there. The dog “didn’t seem resentful”. A week before he died, the son and wife visit the dog, and he’s overjoyed to see them! Then they leave, and insist the dog isn’t sad about it, and then the dog dies a week later, with no family members.
What the actual f*^%? I felt that this author was gaslighting readers, telling them they could grieve however they want, but also telling them it wasn’t ok to euthanize a sick pet, or that they should be vegan, or that maybe we were wrong about how close to death our pets might be. I don’t know this man, so I don’t want to completely annihilate him. I’m just confused how his take on pet loss could be comforting to others who don’t think exactly like him. He is elderly; perhaps he’s struggling himself with the finality of time; who knows? I wish him the best.
I’m sorry, after my pet’s loss, it did not in the least give me comfort. Maybe it would for someone else.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 13, 2022
If I'd known he was vegan I'd never have bothered. Which may be unfair to perfectly good vegan authors, but the title of the book implies a certain compassion for people dealing with loss and this is not that - it's one more self-righteous lecture full of dubious science and anthropomorphism. He also supports PETA, a group infamous for blatant lies, terrorism, and let's not forget the wholesale theft and slaughter of healthy animals. I'm glad I didn't pay money to read this. The only high points were a few stories he included from other people.
x-not-for-me-or-not-right-now
November 19, 2024I read 62% of this book but just couldn’t finish it. I’m not sure what I was expecting from it, but this wasn’t it. We’re coming up on the one year anniversary of losing my heart dog so it felt like a fitting book to read but I just couldn’t get into it at all. It felt disjointed, not always kind, and sometimes I wasn’t even sure where he got his reasoning from for certain things. The personal stories of other people were poignant and I feel for those people but the overall book didn’t have the comforting effect I was hoping for.
January 28, 2022
I think this book will be a comfort to those who want to look at death from a more scientific and analytical point of view. However, I am not one of those people. The tone felt somewhat cold and detached to me and did not help in the grief I was feeling.
This unbiased review is based on a complimentary copy provided by the publisher.
This unbiased review is based on a complimentary copy provided by the publisher.
January 14, 2025
A few good stories from other people sharing their experiences with saying goodbye to their beloved companions. He is quite opinionated. Obviously doesn’t understand the gift of euthanasia. I wouldn’t recommend this book if you have had to make that heartbreaking decision.
July 1, 2023
Like many others who read and reviewed this book, I got it after the loss of a beloved pet (our hamster, Squeaks - we had him for 3 years and were very attached to him) hoping for comfort and some inspiration for how to discuss the loss with my daughter. I didn't find either of those things in this book. Masson's writing was cold and distant. His writing about his own pets was so detached as to be almost clinical. I was honestly shocked by some of his commentary, as he was almost completely dispassionate. The subtitle of the book should have been a clue. "Reflections on the death of pets." Not grief, just reflection. One does not automatically include the other.
And then, there's the PREACHING. This is a particular annoyance of mine, holding a book out to be one thing, then using it to hide a sermon. If you want to write a manifesto, write a manifesto. If you're advertising your book as a salvo for those mourning the death of a beloved companion, do not put in a fucking sermon about how vegans whatever and your pet is dead forever and you should just go ahead and tell your children that there is no rainbow bridge for Mimsy, they're just going to lie in the ground and rot. What a bleak fucking worldview, and also not great for those seeking compassion or comfort. I rated this two stars but in the course of writing this review I've become increasingly angry about it so I'm changing it to one star.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
And then, there's the PREACHING. This is a particular annoyance of mine, holding a book out to be one thing, then using it to hide a sermon. If you want to write a manifesto, write a manifesto. If you're advertising your book as a salvo for those mourning the death of a beloved companion, do not put in a fucking sermon about how vegans whatever and your pet is dead forever and you should just go ahead and tell your children that there is no rainbow bridge for Mimsy, they're just going to lie in the ground and rot. What a bleak fucking worldview, and also not great for those seeking compassion or comfort. I rated this two stars but in the course of writing this review I've become increasingly angry about it so I'm changing it to one star.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
August 18, 2020
Whilst this book has the potential to be helpful and comforting to those who have lost beloved pets, it actually causes more harm than good. Masson has written beautifully of the bond between humans and our furry friends, and the depth of our grief when they depart our lives, however he also makes unnecessarily hurtful statements regarding the decision to euthanise pets, leaving readers feeling worse about decisions made in good faith on the advice of trusted vets, in the best interest of their pets, in order to end their suffering. (He also espouses similar views regarding humans, which in my view is inappropriate within the realm of this book). Further, he espouses dangerous views against the use of psychiatric medication and psychotherapy (recommending diet, exercise and supplements instead). Whilst I agree over prescribing can be a problem, there is undoubtedly a place for appropriate medication for certain psychiatric conditions, without which there are dangerous (sometimes fatal) consequences, and therapy can be inordinately helpful for many. Again, such views are beyond the scope of this book and should not be blithely tossed in, as they can cause real damage to those suffering. Disappointing all round.
April 14, 2020
I spent quite a bit of this book in tears, and while so painful, it was wonderful. For anyone who has loved and lost a beloved pet and companion, this book is thoughtful, compassionate and empathetic,
It is clear the author is both articulate and caring- explaining the sometimes incomprehensible agony that that losses of your cats, dogs, rats, bunnies or horses.
For so many, the feelings of grief upon the loss of a pet are not acknowledged or considered as important than other losses when they can feel even greater. To have an intellectual place to go with those feelings is both reaffirming and comforting, and most importantly someplace safe.
Loved this book.
It is clear the author is both articulate and caring- explaining the sometimes incomprehensible agony that that losses of your cats, dogs, rats, bunnies or horses.
For so many, the feelings of grief upon the loss of a pet are not acknowledged or considered as important than other losses when they can feel even greater. To have an intellectual place to go with those feelings is both reaffirming and comforting, and most importantly someplace safe.
Loved this book.
March 24, 2022
If you have lost a pet and need someone's support, do not read this book.
Yeah, it has different stories about bonds between people and animals, but everything else.. what author accomplished, was making me angrier, rather than sad.
It is full of hypocrisy, promotion of previous books of this "author" and quite dangerous (for both - reader or animals) thoughts.
Yeah, it has different stories about bonds between people and animals, but everything else.. what author accomplished, was making me angrier, rather than sad.
It is full of hypocrisy, promotion of previous books of this "author" and quite dangerous (for both - reader or animals) thoughts.
November 19, 2020
What in the Sam Hill hell was this book about? I kept waiting for this book to have some assemblance of meaning, but it was all over the place. I thought the author failed miserably in his mission to write a book on the topic of pet parent grief, which is shown to be a real issue.
September 12, 2022
Did not bring the comfort or help I was looking for. Too much preaching about reasons to become vegan and harsh opinions judging people who are faced with the hard choice of humanely euthanizing their pets. Do not recommend for anyone who is grieving.
September 10, 2021
Confusing why this is even the title of this book. It is not comforting nor helpful at all, don't waste your time
February 13, 2022
Don't bother reading this book.
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