I Married An Earthling: A Novel

by Alvin Orloff

In this rollicking send-up of traditional science fiction, Earth Studies professor Norvex 7 from the planet Zeeron decides to increase his university status by visiting Earth. Part Jacqueline Susann romantasy, part cheesy Lost in Space episode, this gay comedy will delight any fan of pop culture literature.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Gay

254 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Alvin Orloff began writing in 1977 as the teenage lyricist for The Blowdryers, an early San Francisco Punk band. He spent the 1980s dabbling in avant garde theater, underground cabaret, performance art, and nightclub DJing before remembering all he ever wanted to be was a writer. His memoir, "Disasterama!: Adventures in the Queer Underground 1977 - 1997," an alternately hilarious and heartbreaking coming-of-age-story set during a time when youthful exuberance and flippancy collided with the deadly seriousness of homophobia and AIDS, was nominated for the Lambda Literary Award in gay memoir. He is also the author of four novels: I Married an Earthling, Gutter Boys, Why Aren't You Smiling? and most recently, Vulgarian Rhapsody.

Reviews

[Richard Derus · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rating: 2* of five

I took a few hours to read "I Married An Earthling" by Alvin Orloff. Don't make my mistake. I would have snorted derisively at you had you told me, prior to my consumption of this book, that it was possible to plod giddily, or to careen enervatingly.

It is, but it's not a pretty sight.

Gay Goth teen boy with a few extra pounds meets, entrances, and marries fabulous, muscular space alien. Not entirely unpromising as a premise. Execution is ghastly. "Veeba 22" and "Norvex 7" are the aliens, from Zeeron, the galactic hotbed of pansexual fabulousness. Chester (!) is a frumpy teen boy whose younger brother is a child TV star and whose parents are my worst nightmare: Unrealized stereotypes, ooof. I mean, use the stereotype if you must, but use it! Don't simply expect the reader to fill in the gaps! Jeeez!

I don't want to relive the stupid plot, so if you don't heed my warning and decide to read this claptrap, you'll have to look it up. But really, truly...don't.

[lochNessmonster · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was given this book as a gift from loved ones, so I really really REALLY wanted to like it…but alas, alack. The concept was so fun (hello planet of pansexual socialist fashionistas who party 24/7) but the execution was just so rough. Characters fell flat, the plot was predictable, and the “love” story was nonexistent and ultimately made me feel sick to read about (canonically middle aged man marrying a literal child after having sex with him)

And I truly cannot fathom why so much of this book had to be about pedophilia. So many descriptions and talks about “craving young lovers” and shit like that, it made it impossible for me to enjoy this book!

(Read physical printed book)

[Sir He-Man · Rating 4 out of 5]

You've never heard of this author most likely, but this is a great light read. Totally hysterical and sitcom like, it follows the adventures of a gay alien as he makes his way through a straight laced Earth. Totally glib, it makes a lot of homage to Bewitched and other series of yesteryear that basically paid homage to everything kitsch.

[Riayl · Rating 1 out of 5]

No. Just...no. I'm sorry, I tried to like it but it just wasn't my type of book I guess, the word campy comes to mind (so not my thing). I couldn't relate to the characters, I didn't care about the characters and I was bored. Looking back, this is one book I should have judged by its cover. *shudder*

[Jimmy Misfit · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't think I've read another book like this. The glam/fabulous-ness might bring to mind films like Rocky Horror, Velvet Goldmine, or Party Monster, but the characters, the hairdresser-ruled hierarchy, and the thought-provoking, but upside down philosophy throughout are a new experience. My new favorite epithet is "Ol' Sensiblepuss."