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Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet

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From the moment pets come into our lives, we know the day will arrive when we have to say farewell. Still, we are never emotionally prepared for the last adieu. In Goodbye, Friend, Gary Kowalski takes you on a journey of healing, offering warmth and sound advice on how to cope with the death of your pet. Filled with heartwarming stories and practical guidance on such matters as taking care of yourself while mourning, creating rituals to honor your pet's memory, and talking to children about death, Goodbye, Friend is a beautiful and comforting book for anyone grieving the loss of a beloved animal.

4 pages, Audio CD

First published July 25, 2006

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Gary Kowalski

16 books13 followers

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 88 reviews
Profile Image for James.
Author 20 books4,341 followers
January 24, 2018
Last week, my ten-year-old shiba inu dog, Ryder, unexpectedly passed away. My grief was raw and unmanageable, as this amazing creature stood by my side, offering unconditional love and support 24/7. My other half, equally as impacted, purchased a few books to try to help us understand how to find any solace or ability to move forward, as Ryder was part of every moment of our day. I picked up a paperback copy of Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet by Gary Kowalski as the first one to read this week.

The author is a minister who approaches the loss of a pet from a spiritual perspective, but the book is carefully balanced to not be excessively religious. I bring this up, not in a good/bad way, only to point out that if you are a religious person, you'll find helpful content, but if you're not a religious person, you will also find many chapters focused on the emotions of the grieving process. It's essentially a good read for anyone -- without pushing any one belief or philosophy.

The author's tone is charismatic. He shares personal stories of his own pets, those of friends and others from his congregation. He quotes verses from works of literature and various religious tomes, including outside of Christianity. All-in-all, it provides strong perspective on what's happening in your mind and in the animal's mind during the final days of losing your beloved pet. When he spoke of the euthanasia process, or the inexplicable appearance of pets that had previously passed on, you will shed a tear for a minute thinking about your own experiences. In these moments, I connected with the book. In others, where it was more generic, it seemed like things I already knew; then again, the reminders can provide subtle help we're not even aware of.

It felt like the kind of book not to read all in one sitting, as there are poems and stories you can read separate from the advice and guidance he provides. There are links to other articles or books that could help you. It's a good, basic approach to beginning to understand your grief and determine how to step forward. If you're looking for something deeply analytical, thoroughly psychological or lengthy stories about beloved pets, this wouldn't be the right book to read for that purpose. But I am glad I read it, as it did push me to think differently in a few areas of my mind. I'm grateful for that help.
Profile Image for Andrea.
252 reviews2 followers
December 31, 2014
I bought this today to try to get some comfort to ease the sadness and grief I've felt since my dog Peanut died on 01/19.

It did bring some smiles to my fact but overall, I still feel the same. It does give some advice about the grieving process, but nothing I didn't already know (eat right, get some exercise, take care of yourself, etc).

A few quotes I found sweet:

"'Until one has loved an animal,' wrote Anatole France, 'a part of one's soul remains unawakened.' Almost anyone who has ever let an animal under his or her skin will agree that for all the aggravations and heartaches that come with having a pet, the return in love, affection, and memory can make it all worthwhile."

"It is important to know you make a difference, at least to one appreciative creature."

"One veterinarian I know with a small animal practice in New York says she firmly believes that most creatures know when their time is up. They are ready for their departure. That opinion is shared by Connie Howard, who directs our local humane society. She told me how in the middle of a sub-zero Vermont winter her cat had unaccountably gone into hiding under a porch-not a location the animal would ordinarily choose for a midday siesta. Connie had not even realized her pet was sick. But the cat, which had end-stage renal disease, seemed to know exactly what was happening. It was doing its best to die."

"Grieving takes time, and mourning sticks to no prescribed schedule. While it will not happen instantly or immediately, the sadness we feel from losing a pet can gradually diminish while warm and funny memories remain and grow richer in our minds. We recall good times we shared. Eventually, we can look back calmly on the years gone by-never without a tinge of sorrow, but with a powerful feeling of gratitude for a wonderful friendship. We know how blessed we have been to love and be loved, even if only for short interlude."

RIP my sweet Peanut, you were taken from me way too soon...
Profile Image for Elena Alvarez Dosil.
830 reviews13 followers
January 5, 2018
Review originally published at: http://www.lomeraniel.com/audiobookre...

I decided to purchase this book after losing Olive, and with the intention of seeking comfort. I want to clarify that, despite being the book written by a clergyman, it has less religious content than other books about the same subject. I just hate reading about pets going to heaven when I don't believe in God or heaven myself. Why is that agnostics or atheists don't have a right to be comforted? I guess it's just easier to believe in something greater. This book has less of that compared to other, but the second half is more loaded with religious stuff, which I found less interesting than the first half.

There is a chapter about assisting children with the loss of a pet, and it's something I missed from other books. I found the general tone of the book quite aseptic, which is not a bad thing but I missed somehow some empathy.

The book has some great pieces of advice on how to deal with the loss of a pet, and it doesn't go much into religion, but more into philosophy. It's not a perfect book by any means, but I found it more helpful than others. It also mentions some famous books and poems about the same subject, so it opens the possibility to exploring more about the subject.

Barry Abrams delivered a good and clear narration. I think his style went well with the book, and he even gave different voices to the texts by other authors included in the book. I think I would have preferred the book to be narrated with a bit more sentiment, but this was missing from the text too, so Abrams did a good job with the material he had.
Profile Image for Eva-Marie Nevarez.
1,693 reviews133 followers
July 17, 2009
Wow- this has been the most helpful book so far that I've read since my dog died. Granted, I haven't read that many and I'm pretty picky with what I think I'll actually be able to read but this surpasses what I have read.
I was a little leery it would be too religious, with the author being a religious person, and it wasn't. It was about as religious as I am, which is somewhat with not being "overboard". (IMO.)
I definitely would recommend this to anyone who has ever owned a pet. It's helped me a great deal.
Profile Image for Ann.
1,071 reviews
June 18, 2025
I’ve had this book for years but had never read it, at least not cover to cover. There were some comforting thoughts here.
Profile Image for Ella.
736 reviews154 followers
September 9, 2019
I read this ages ago when I lost a cat -- one who had been with me through the death of my husband, moving and all sorts of other things. When the cat (MacDuff) died, it was like I hit a wall and couldn't cope. I sobbed uncontrollably -- and I am NOT a crier (I spent tons of money in therapy trying to learn how to cry with little success. Turns out, Duffers was a better shrink than any of those therapists.) In any event, my lovely vet gave me this book when I refused to take in another pet b/c I couldn't deal with the idea that this cat might someday die too.

I came across it today as I was culling my books, and I couldn't get rid of it because it's not earth-shattering, but it does give one permission to feel all the feelings of grief "even" for an animal. There's nothing magical about it, but I needed to feel OK about feeling like shite, and it did the trick.
Profile Image for JessieDeW.
10 reviews
March 6, 2022
Honestly the struggle is real dealing with any loss, the loss of my best friend and companion was enough to put me in a depression for a few years. Its difficult when you take something that fits in the palm of your hand and raise it so it relies on you and you rely on it to one day just be gone. She was my best bud for 11 years and one day she told me it was time. I was there to the end with her as it should be. This book is the beginning to helping me cope its a phenomenal read and is very touching.
Profile Image for Kaitlin Evans.
230 reviews1 follower
February 26, 2025
Listened to this. Today marks one month since losing Larkin. Parts of it were helpful
Profile Image for Christina DeFelice.
115 reviews3 followers
September 13, 2017
I think I was hoping for more during a tough time but nothing really can help except time I guess. My mom got it for me because she said it got good reviews. I'm not particularly religious though and while still trying to find insight, it's hard to get past all the Bible passages etc. I'm sure it would be very helpful for someone who was more religious and can relate a bit more to it though so it certainly has its place and hope it helps others find comfort.
Profile Image for Maria  Almaguer .
1,370 reviews7 followers
August 5, 2014
Though written by a clergyman, this beautifully written book does not have an overtly religious tone. There is one chapter that discusses religion which I skipped over. What is does offer is comfort, calm, and a reassuring voice that I needed desperately this week upon the passing of my beloved cat. Highly recommend.
Profile Image for Shantalie.
184 reviews1 follower
May 31, 2023
Definitely some value in what the author has to say. It does have some religious undertones, but to his credit, the author doesn't impose too much churchy stuff on the reader. He also draws from a bunch of religions and cultures to show how people remember their pets. He clearly did some research. Some of the advice seems somewhat obvious, but I wouldn't dismiss this book outright.
Profile Image for Mónica A.
70 reviews
June 7, 2024
“Until one has loved an animal,” wrote Anatole France, “a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”

Guccito 🥺✨
2 reviews
June 20, 2024
Helped put light regarding my pup passing and to give myself grace
Profile Image for Sandra.
225 reviews1 follower
October 19, 2018
I loved this book. Each chapter is unique and covers a multitude of attitudes and loving ways to say good bye to your pet and also how to deal with the loss of a dear, dear companion. I have 2 elder dogs right now and I know their day is coming. I'm no young chick myself so my only hope is that they go before me so they don't have to be farmed out to someone else in their last years...better me than them. The book will make you cry no matter who you are because it touches on the separation that death deals us all at one time or another. I've just bought another copy to send to a couple who just lost they're "best friend".
322 reviews
June 19, 2010
I'll just quote directly from the book, because that will tell you enough:

"Has life lost its melody? Take time to sit and listen to the music of a forest stream. Are you dejected? Pay attention to what the bluejay says to the mountain. If we are receptive, the beings who share our living planet can bring balm to our distress. They may not answer the question, 'why?' at least not in words. But as on eagle's wings, they can lift us above discouragement."

Wow. Thanks for the healing words, I feel so much better now.
Profile Image for Cara Achterberg.
Author 13 books185 followers
June 1, 2021
This book surprised me - I guess I didn't expect it to be so spiritual. There were some beautiful concepts, and I underlined often. There is also practical advice that will likely help others finding their way through pet grief. It's a tough topic and one I'm wrestling with in my own heart, so it spoke to me. I will definitely seek out more of Kowalski's writing. It seems to land at the intersection of animals and spirituality.
Profile Image for Richyl.
8 reviews
June 4, 2015
I bought this after my beloved cat Baby Kitty died. I really liked it,it was very comforting. Though the writer is a Pastor it does not overly focus on Christianity and represents beliefs from around the world.
Profile Image for Greg Zimmerman.
968 reviews223 followers
March 28, 2022
This helped me. My friend sent me this book which had also helped him understand why losing a pet hurts so much, and how to begin healing. The pain is still sharp and persistent. But, yes, this helped. I miss my dog.
Profile Image for Lex Montoya.
33 reviews5 followers
November 24, 2021
I'm not sure this book is so much "healing wisdom" as it is religious propaganda. Now propaganda isn't necessarily bad, we hear that term and immediately think it's always wrong and corrupt. That's not the case.

"Propaganda is the spreading of information in support of a cause. It’s not so important whether the information is true or false or if the cause is just or not — it’s all propaganda."
-https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary...

Kowalski quotes the Christian Bible in it frequently, including almost an entire chapter about the story of Job. In this chapter, Rev Gary is telling us about how he likes to take nature walks and look at everything, and in the story of Job, Job lost his house, all his possessions, finally his wife, then he was all, "wtf, God?" And God was like "but were you here when I made the wind and the birds?" And that's that. Gary says it's not about the question, it's about the quest. Which still seems like a terrible reason to screw over Job, imo.

During the writing of this book, Gary's dog isn't even dead. He could be hanging out with his old, soon to pass, doggo, Chinook, but instead he's writing. So he's giving advice on something he isn't speaking from experience on.

The very final chapter is an excerpt from SOMEONE ELSE'S BOOK, where they're writing about the passing of their dog, being with them, burying them.

I feel like the Rev meant well with this. And I'm sure for many people, it'll be what they need. There were some nice poems, and some cliche poems in here, all from other authors.

If you're very, very, VERY deep in grief, and reading a few stories about other people who also loved and lost their soulmate (with no advice or conclusions), or some poems about animal friendship and passing, and a semi biography about a reverend doesn't sound helpful to you, perhaps pass on this one, or see if your library has it instead of spending the $ to buy a new copy of it like I did.

I dedicate this review to Inigo, the very best being to have ever lived. 🖤🐾🖤
Profile Image for Tristy at New World Library.
135 reviews30 followers
July 28, 2017
Endorsements:
"This wonderful book is the best guide I know of that can help us deal with the death of our animal companions, whom the more we love the more we will grieve."
— Dr. Michael W. Fox, veterinarian and syndicated columnist

"Saying goodbye to a pet soul-mate is something we dread but must inevitably accept. Goodbye, Friend offers answers that are woven into a tapestry of care, compassion and unconditional love for the pets with whom we've shared our hearts and homes. Then, we can become much more than our pet's best friend — we can become healers, teachers and angels for our friends and family when they, too, lose a beloved pet."
Marty Becker, DVM, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul

"The death of a beloved pet is one of the hardest things to bear. This insightful and compassionate book will help readers accept the grief and move on in their lives."
Philip González, author of The Dog Who Rescues Cats: True Story of Ginny

“Uplifting, comforting, spiritual. If you have an elderly or ailing animal companion, please read this book!”
— Alex Pacheco, cofounder of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)
Profile Image for Matthew Wilson.
17 reviews
December 2, 2019
From a guy that was Butters "mommy"

My husband Matthew and I were always rescuing abandoned and animals that became our hairy kids. We got Butters from animal control at the tender age of 3. He was to be my support animal and constant companion. Because he would take me for walks, we dipped into my retirement fund to have him trained so I could be the one taking him for walks. Dogs show their love by licking your face and boy did Butters really love. I was getting my face locked raw. If I had to run an errand with out him, Matthew told me Butters would drive him crazy by hanging around the door to go out and see if I was home yet! Right around the time he was 4 years old he started to hemorrhage in his stomach and we couldn't find the reason why. After 3 blood transfusions and a big chunk of the rest of my retirement fund the internal medicine vet said that there was nothing more that could be done to save him as we let the vet gently but him to sleep while his head reacted in my lap. I had never in all the years of rescuing hairy kids felt so connected or so loved. Butters death got me harder than ever before. This book made me cry a lot but it also made me laugh some as well.It has only been a month so I still hurt but thanks to this book I can also smile a little by remembering the good times when Butters would play dead when I pointed my finger at him and say bang or when he would go down the double slide with me. I will always love him and miss him but thanks to this book every day is a little better.
Profile Image for Beth Orchard.
49 reviews4 followers
January 14, 2018
I picked up this book from the library following the death of my cat, Sir Tuft, last week. It was sudden and quick and we made the decision to lay him to rest after just three days. I found this book insightful and helpful and unexpected as I wasn’t even looking for a book on this subject.

I have lost family pets in the past as a kid and my husband lost his dog some years ago but for some reason Tuft was different for me. Maybe because I’m mothering two small babies but I realized how lonely I am now without him by my side and sleeping on my chest or next to me at night.

He was my hippy cat who was just chill as I say. He loved everyone but he sought me out for healing when I needed it and he was comforted by Sir Paddy his brother who cared for him and slept with him even as he was slipping away.

I’ve begun to learn I’m empathic and intuitive and really am drawn to animal spirits. I guess that this book really spoke into this space in time when I needed some comforting words that helped guide me through grieving my sweet Mr Tuft.
Profile Image for Laura Reina.
31 reviews
October 26, 2024
Adiós, Toby es un libro que busca acompañar a las personas que han perdido a un animal de compañía, especialmente relacionado con la muerte, y más específico si le has realizado la eutanasia. El autor es un pastor de iglesia, por lo que el texto está dotado de citas bíblicas, lo que puede ser favorable o desfavorable dependiendo del lector. En mi caso, siento que hay mucho que aporta desde esa orilla de la creencia y el vivir.

Para los lectores amantes de la academia este libro es un deleite, ya que aborda muchos temas relacionados con la historia de la relación humano/perro, y resulta muy interesante. Sin embargo, al plantearse como un texto de compañía, siento que a partir de los últimos capítulos empieza a serlo de verdad. Tal vez la rigidez de la academia no permite que se empatice tanto ni se sienta la compañía prometida.

Desde mi punto de vista es un lindo texto del que aprendí, pero en definitiva esperaba más guía en los consejos, las palabras sanadoras y acciones para sanar el dolor, no para evitarlo, sino vivirlo con más calidez.
Profile Image for Tiffany Cusick-Bristol.
142 reviews1 follower
March 18, 2019
I put my beloved dog, Lady, down on February 22, 2019 after sharing 14 years with her. She was with me before I was a wife or mother. We went through so much together, hardly ever spending a day apart. So after she passed I was having a difficult time, and began researching books to help me through this difficult time. Kowalski did an excellent job of helping me through my grief. His suggestions actually helped me feel better and move on with life. I think this book can help people with any loss of a loved one, not just pets. I had other books on my reading list to help during this time of mourning, but I no longer feel I need them. Kowalski’s approach was sensitive, understanding, and addressed my spiritual beliefs.
Profile Image for Whitney.
924 reviews26 followers
August 29, 2023
this audiobook was really helpful for me. the author is a pastor and while there are some excerpts from the bible and some spiritual parts, it's very well-balanced and never felt at all preachy or leaning overly toward one religion. it's very kind, very calming, and matter-of-fact in a way that was very soothing to me. my favorite parts were about how an animal's life may be shorter than ours but is still a whole life and arcs the same way, and that the important thing about life is not how long it is but how well it's lived. i fell asleep listening to this the second night after we said goodbye to vela and i picked it back up whenever i was at my saddest and it really helped me find some peace and some closure.
Profile Image for John.
150 reviews2 followers
June 12, 2020
This book was gifted to me after losing my best friend, Winston. It did offer some insight on how to deal with grief and I think a lot of people could use this as a resource when they lose a loved pet. Everyone’s situation is different. This book does its best to accommodate the reader in that regard. At the same time some things that it brought up or mentioned made me feel even sadder than I was before I started reading it ...which is hard to explain. Overall, I think it’s helpful to read a book written by someone who has been through what you’ve been through in some regard while you try to cope with sadness and loss.
24 reviews
July 28, 2022
I needed this book. Just lost Xena that had been in our family 18 years. Three weeks later we helped my G G a beautiful tuxedo cat over the rainbow bridge. Both d animals were euthanized for their health reasons.

This book explained how close we are to our animals and it is a real loss to us. It helped relieve the guilt I felt. There are chapters on other losses we experience besides our pets. The author comes to the point without roaming around. I found that to my liking as I wanted answers.

I recommend this to anyone who has lost a close friend.
Profile Image for Salman Ansari.
Author 1 book14 followers
April 22, 2024
I read this because I lost my cat and am still very sad about it, months later. I didn’t find this book that helpful, to be honest. It spoke a lot about the science and research around our relationships to pets, which I did not find emotionally connected with me.

There is a section at the end with inspirational quotes from various books across time. I did enjoy a few of those, and it made me wish I had read a poetry book or personal story of a real person’s memories of their pet rather than this book.
8 reviews2 followers
May 26, 2024
I'll start by saying I'm an atheist, and I got this book from a family friend that I believe is religious like my mother. I don't think she knows I'm an atheist. She gave me this book shortly after hearing that my cat died unexpectedly at a very young age. I found this book to be helpful, and honestly, I appreciate that this reverend didn't make this an entirely religious book, making this a bit more accessible to non-Christian readers. I did read the whole book, even the religious parts because I do find it interesting to hear the perspectives of others.
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