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348 pages, ebook
First published May 14, 2021
(Harper)"I hate Christmas parties. Honestly, I hate all parties, but Christmas ones are the worst. All the cheer and the jolly and the mistletoe booby traps – ugh. I tug at my neon green sweater with a furry cat face on the front. Its made of a soft material, but I hate it anyway. The bell on the cat’s santa hat jingles as I pull on my sleeves. Yep, Christmas is officially the worst holiday. Abby sighs and sets down her mascara wand, before swiveling in her seat to face me. ‘You don’t have to wear the sweater,’ she says. ‘I know.' But...the invite…gave only 2 options: ugly sweater or formal wear. Pick your poison. Both are deadly and also suck."What a party pooper - you're with all your friends and are upset about having to wear either a soft, kitten sweater or look hot in formalwear? *eye roll*
(Chase)"Harper laughs. I love the sound of her laugh. And it's like some precious gem mined out of the earth. Both because of how it takes work to earn it, and also because of its rare beauty."So, she rarely laughs, even around her best friend in the world. Nice.
"...It took much less for me. I was halfway there when she punched me in the face on our first and only date. I saw stars for a moment as my vision darkened, and then I only saw her. Really saw her. Not the beautiful women in my chemistry class who didn’t mind me talking to her and seemed just as happy to talk right back. I saw Harper. And I could envision a future with her. Yeah, for most people it would take less than a right hook, but it’s like that woke me up to so much about who she was. Who I was. And what needed to change. It was always a long game to me. Getting to this moment right here, where Harper’s in my arms. Now it’s time to make the next move. The final moving of the chess piece that is methodically placed on the board, ready for a check mate. I slide my arms up her back, pausing as she shivers under my touch, but at her slow, soft exhale, I continue, up and under her hair, slipping my hands around until they cup her cheeks. ‘Harper.’ Our gazes collide and the air between us isn’t air, but an electric current: a moving of atoms and electrons to reform a totally new compound. It’s heavy with desire, with longing."
"Chase would understand if I talked to him about what happened. But something within me rebelled."You literally *just* said he would. At least he's willing to try. She's so self-sabotaging that she hurts the person she supposedly loves the most, and that is not a cute trait. One last quote showing how effing annoying listening to Harper's inner thoughts is:
So she’s a stubborn idiot, okay...*2 seconds later*
"How can I explain this to Chase? I can’t explain this to him...Chase would want to understand, but he couldn't."
"'Okay,' Chase says. Okay? I'm not sure what I wanted from him, or what I wanted to feel, but it’s a deep, deep cavern of disappointment that he doesn’t fight me on this. You don’t want him to fight, dummy, that would only make this harder. You rejected him, why would he keep chasing you? I know it’s completely selfish, but it doesn’t change how I feel. Its unfair that I rejected Chase, yet I want him to put on better armor and come charging at my gates again. But a very real, perhaps the most real part of me, wishes that he would push back on my half truth."And there you have it - selfish and unfair, just as she says. That's still Chapter 9, so have fun waiting another 22 chapters for her to figure her shit out, meanwhile sitting through Chase dating other women (which a lot of people took issue with in reviews because he can't be both an eternal "good guy" waiting for her and trying to make her jealous, using other women to move on, whatever ugh motivation).
If we really love people, we shouldn't be hiding any aspect of who we are. Part of love is being willing to tell the truth- in all areas."Friends to lovers" isn't my favorite trope, but if it's written right I might just like it and Emma St. Clair was able to make me feel good.