Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating

by Hayley DiMarco, Michael DiMarco

Many single adults don't realize how their actions and their communication style could be having a negative affect on the opposite sex. Popular thinking about dating identifies certain "rules for success" for today's singles. But the results are in, and popular thinking isn't working. Rather than attract the opposite sex, popularly promoted roles and actions often leave singles looking desperate while sending potential dates the opposite direction. In Marriable, Hayley and Michael DiMarco ask the question, "You aren't desperate so why are you acting like it?" With creative chapter titles like "They Just Might Be Out of Your League" and "How Being 'Just Friends' is a Waste of Time," the authors explore everything from internet dating to commitment-phobia. Writing with wit and humor, Hayley and Michael discuss the differences between men and women, what those differences mean in a dating relationship, and ultimately how to find and be a "marriable" person. With short, accessible chapters that tell it like it is, Marriable will be appreciated by men and women alike.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction, Marriage, Gender, Christian Living, Christian, Psychology

192 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2005

About the author

Hayley DiMarco is the best-selling author of over 30 books, including God Girl, Mean Girls, and Die Young. She and her husband, Michael, run Hungry Planet, a company focused on producing books that combine hard-hitting biblical truth with cutting-edge design in Nashville, Tennessee.

Reviews

[Brenda · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I had paid more than 75 cents for this book, I would have wanted my money back. There are a few tiny nuggets of truth in it, but this book is basically a slightly Christianized version of "The Rules." It buries insulting and demeaning advice under a cutesy, image-heavy presentation. This goes for both genders, although the book comes down harder on women to remain aloof and mysterious, while becoming what the man wants and expects, instead of being your true self and, you know, having opinions. The authors are also fairly harsh to divorced people, so when Mr. DiMarco reveals on the second-to-last page that he was divorced himself, it's a real kicker. Bottom line, don't read this unless you want to snark on it with a group of friends, or need something to throw across a room. I did both.

[Georgia · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I read the back cover of this book in the Christian bookstore, I guy tried to pick me up. I'm not kidding. He was somewhat undesirable, but still(where'd the lighter fluid come from), I thought this book must have some sort of power. So I purchased it and found it to be a hilarious, honest approach to dating and marriage from a couple who learned through years of trial and error before meeting each other. A quick read that addresses issues relevant to both sexes.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this before meeting Ben. It's a how-to for trying online dating and such. I think the best things I learned from it are to be reasonable...go for what will make you happy, also don't be afraid to date and date and date. You need to know what you don't want before you will find what you do. It's just an honest read on a frustating subject.

[Becca · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can honestly say that I did not enjoy Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating. I wouldn't say that it was an altogether terrible book and I only made it halfway through but I decided to stop because its message didn't sit right with me. I started this book expecting it to be a Christian-themed book about preparing for dating and marriage. In truth, it was more of a straight forward, middle of the road book that wouldn't offend anyone outside of the Christian faith, except for hard core Christians who take their faith too seriously (like me). Referring to Christian/Biblical dating as a joke and that if "You want to live biblically? Have your parents arrange a marriage for you. Now there's Biblical. Just make sure they get some good oxen in return...(pg 70)" really doesn't sit right with me. You can date biblically without being sold off for oxen.... I understand that Hayley and Michael were just trying to lighten the mood and make a joke but it shocked me in a book written by two, known Christians.
It also surprised me that they decided to take the perspective of dating being a game, with rules of how to play and how not to play and how to win. Maybe I'm just inexperienced but I don't think dating should be looked at as a game, where my focus is simply 'what can I get from this person'.
Some people may think it's nice to find a book that's not explicitly Christian or over the top but to me, Christianity is over the top. It simply is. And a book that smoothes down all the edges just to not offend others, has missed the point of Christian dating.

[Jaclyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up at the library today b/c when I skimmed it, it made me laugh. It's a quirky book about dating with a Christian approach, but it doesn't preach. Some of the advice seemed really "duh" to me, but I found plenty of interesting little tidbits that made reading it worthwile. It's a fast read, I finished it in about 4 hours.

[Jaymee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hayley and Michael DiMarco are a great writer team-up, besides them being real-life husband and wife. I've learned great Christian points-of-view in dating and marriage. Must read for those who plan on marrying someday.

[pianogal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read Dateable and liked it. This is one is basically the same book, but for a slightly older crowd. The authors have a pretty good sense of humor about the whole situation.

[Randall Darden · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had hoped that her book "Technical Virgin" was an anomaly but after reading this book I discovered it was not. She is a sexist who views men as lying, sex craved monsters. She even gets Michael, her poor husband to buy into her idea that he was a "twisted puppy." p.26 She views dating as a game and that a win means marriage. p. 19 And sex must be used as a bargaining chip to win the dating game. In her own words, "With a man, sex is your best bargaining tool, so don't waste it on anything less that a ring, a dress, and a cake." p.32 She argues that men will lie to women in order to make them lie to themselves to manipulate them into giving the man sex. She even goes so far as to title a whole chapter on the subject, "Men Lie to Get What They Want" p.41 I'm shocked that she says things like "Girls, does it creep you out a bit that this guy who's been buying you flowers, sending sweet IMs, and rubbing your feet is just in it for the payoff? It shouldn't, because after all, he's just a man. Just remember that you can play him the way he was meant to be played by not rewarding the big fat horny liar until you get a ring, a cake, and a binding legal document!"..."nice guys lie to be sexed too because, well, they're guys. No matter what a guy says, ladies, no matter how committed he is to taking things slowly, being respectful, being honorable, yada yada yada, you are the gatekeepers. No male on earth will ever evolve high enough to be trusted with the keys to the doughnut shop."p.47
She leaves God and Godliness out of the equation and is manipulating a gullible Christian audience to read her books. For example, on page 35, she says "It (dating) keeps you active and helps you become more and more of the man women will want." Why not say spending time with Godly people will make you more attractive because in turn you will become more Godly and godliness is the most attractive quality in a person. I cannot, in good conscious, recommend anything DiMarco writes.

[melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is what happens when you spend seven hours a day sorting through religious books. You end up wanting to read a book with a terribly tacky title such as this. HOWEVER I defend my choice with:
#1 - The authors have a terribly cute story of their own.
#2 - My brother told me that boys didn't like me in high school because I was 'weird' though, considering the source of that comment, who's to say if that was true. So I would like to see how the authors explain character in social situations.
#3 - Sometimes, when I want to look like I'm:
3a- busy working but not really
3b- a customer and not an employee so that people will not ask me 37 times where How to Kill a Mockingbird is...
I will read tiny books like the Dimarcos' little how-to dating guides. And they're interesting. And funny. Although I think they might be better suited for my weird brother.

[Angela Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marriable written by Hayley and Michael DiMarco has a lot of quality information in it. They took their experiences in dating, as well as Michael's failed first marriage, learned their lessons and share it with people in this book.

I found the book very informative even though a lot of it I already knew. I liked how they incorporated humor in it along with comments in the sidebars sharing personal experiences along with the information.

I would recommend this book to singles who want to get married no matter what stage they are in right now.

[CharityJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the best of the dating self-help genre but a quick read and entertaining. The authors are married to each other and met on a dating site so their perspective on that part is interesting. Nothing new here really and they suggest waiting til marriage for sex (which I think is moot past a certain age). The most interesting part was the section on rating yourself more objectively. As in, you think you're a 9 but maybe you're really a 7 so you should be going for guys who are also 7s. Worth at least a skim which is what I did.

[Darcy · Rating 1 out of 5]

If dating is a game, then this is a good enough rule book for it. But if you see dating and marriage as more than just an exercise in manipulation, then this book is definitely not for you. While I suppose there were little nuggets of truth, I felt that this book completely missed the heart of the issue and was no better than any other junk you'll find on a secular shelf.

[Ronia Turner · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some good tips, but some of the tips for girls I don't think guys today get! They don't understand a girl trying to be mysterious and many of them don't offer to pay anymore on dates. Many expect you to plan the date as well, even though they are the men.

[Kendi Tremmel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing really earth shattering, but a quick, easy, and entertaining read. Encouragement for anyone single and wondering why.

[Mindy Worley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great insight into relationships. Great layout, and seems a lot more relavent and realistic than most christian dating books out there

[N.m. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is practical stuff for women AND men... a fast read & entertaining, too! The authors make some good points. I'm passing it on to several of my single (who want to be married) friends.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a pretty good book! Its for girls AND guys. I don't agree with every bit of it, but most of it is good. Plus, I found myself laughing outloud at points which is always nice.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was funny enough to keep me turning pages. Towards the end it got a little preachy. Yet wasnt as religous as I had hoped. I did buy it at a Christian Book store.

[Leona]

Very applicable...good to hear both the male and female dating/married perspective from a married couple.

[Andrew Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely worth a read in the whole "Single/College" Part of your life.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good points, useful information, entertaining style.

[Dmack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and fun book for couples who are about to get married or have recently been married

[Jan-Georg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading this book. It had some valuable lessons, definitely recommends it.