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What Would the Aunties Say?: A brown girl's guide to being yourself and living your best life
'Packed with stories and advice that will have you laughing and crying.’ - Cosmopolitan
In this groundbreaking book, beauty influencer and podcaster Anchal Seda openly and honestly explores the shared experiences of "the brown girls" from Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi women living in the Western world. What Would the Aunties Say? is packed full of advice to help you handle our culture, be yourself, live your best life, and, of course, deal with the Aunties.
Navigating the ups and downs of life in our community can be challenging. We live in a very different world today to our parents, uncles, aunties, and grandparents, which comes with lots of unwritten rules and expectations. But you're not alone.
Filled with humour and warmth, and based on the podcast of the same name, in What Would the Aunties Say? Anchal shares her own experiences with the stories and dilemmas of other young women like her. It takes you through every aspect of life – from education and career, beauty standards and colourism, to dating and marriage, as well as mental health and therapy, racism and inequality – and of course, your relationship with your family.
This book will make you laugh and cry and nod your head in recognition. It will help you handle the challenges we face and encourage you to embrace the benefits of the fusion of East and West while inspiring you to be unapologetically yourself.
In this groundbreaking book, beauty influencer and podcaster Anchal Seda openly and honestly explores the shared experiences of "the brown girls" from Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi women living in the Western world. What Would the Aunties Say? is packed full of advice to help you handle our culture, be yourself, live your best life, and, of course, deal with the Aunties.
Navigating the ups and downs of life in our community can be challenging. We live in a very different world today to our parents, uncles, aunties, and grandparents, which comes with lots of unwritten rules and expectations. But you're not alone.
Filled with humour and warmth, and based on the podcast of the same name, in What Would the Aunties Say? Anchal shares her own experiences with the stories and dilemmas of other young women like her. It takes you through every aspect of life – from education and career, beauty standards and colourism, to dating and marriage, as well as mental health and therapy, racism and inequality – and of course, your relationship with your family.
This book will make you laugh and cry and nod your head in recognition. It will help you handle the challenges we face and encourage you to embrace the benefits of the fusion of East and West while inspiring you to be unapologetically yourself.
- GenresNonfictionIndiaSelf Help
301 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 19, 2021
42 people are currently reading
566 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
May 4, 2023
Quite a funny book!
Though for some reason I felt like I couldn’t relate to many of the things in there… maybe because I’ve grown up much different to the way she has.
Brown aunties will always be judgemental no matter what…
Advise as a Muslim, only ever please Allah!
Who gives a shit about aunties??
Though for some reason I felt like I couldn’t relate to many of the things in there… maybe because I’ve grown up much different to the way she has.
Brown aunties will always be judgemental no matter what…
Advise as a Muslim, only ever please Allah!
Who gives a shit about aunties??
October 22, 2022
Fantastic book for people who are living within two cultures. Especially brown and western culture.
This book is written for young brown girls. Me as a 26-year-old brown guy, I still enjoyed the book, but I guess you can get much more out of it than me when you are still in your teens.
But I still enjoyed the book and I think it will help many people living within a conservative culture.
I listened to the audiobook, and I really liked the way how the author narrated and read the book.
This book is written for young brown girls. Me as a 26-year-old brown guy, I still enjoyed the book, but I guess you can get much more out of it than me when you are still in your teens.
But I still enjoyed the book and I think it will help many people living within a conservative culture.
I listened to the audiobook, and I really liked the way how the author narrated and read the book.
January 13, 2023
Many brown people can relate to questions like "Log kya kahenge?" or "what would the aunties say?" The title was one of the main reasons why I picked up this book.
Anchal is breaking barriers and talking about topics which are a taboo in the southasian community. Personally I think that she covered many topics which are/can be an issue especially for brown girls or women of colour. It takes you through various aspects of life – from education and career, beauty standards and colourism, to dating and marriage, as well as mental health and therapy, racism and inequality – and of course, your relationship with your family.
However there was one aspect which was a bit problematic for me and that was: THE FAMILY. The author had a pretty solid and supportive family and of course that's great. Nevertheless this is not the norm, many brown girls have all the problems which were described in the book with their OWN family. Unfortunately so many are living with dysfunctional family patterns, which not only harm child- but also adulthood. Children of immigrants may have mixed feelings about their parents/caregivers and questioning their ways of doing may feel like abandoning or betraying them.
All in all, this book may be powerful for brown girls who need guidance to being themselves and living their best life, but have similar life experience as the author because for some not caring about the auntie gossip can be dangerous, even life threatening. And honestly I would recommend that all the aunties read this book!!!
Anchal is breaking barriers and talking about topics which are a taboo in the southasian community. Personally I think that she covered many topics which are/can be an issue especially for brown girls or women of colour. It takes you through various aspects of life – from education and career, beauty standards and colourism, to dating and marriage, as well as mental health and therapy, racism and inequality – and of course, your relationship with your family.
However there was one aspect which was a bit problematic for me and that was: THE FAMILY. The author had a pretty solid and supportive family and of course that's great. Nevertheless this is not the norm, many brown girls have all the problems which were described in the book with their OWN family. Unfortunately so many are living with dysfunctional family patterns, which not only harm child- but also adulthood. Children of immigrants may have mixed feelings about their parents/caregivers and questioning their ways of doing may feel like abandoning or betraying them.
All in all, this book may be powerful for brown girls who need guidance to being themselves and living their best life, but have similar life experience as the author because for some not caring about the auntie gossip can be dangerous, even life threatening. And honestly I would recommend that all the aunties read this book!!!
September 13, 2021
What is the most unsolicited advice you have received from those nosy neighbors, aunties and relatives? And, I would also love to know the sassiest reply you have given in such situations?
If I start making a list of comments from these people, I will have to write a book as Anchal did.
Based on her podcast with the same name #whatwouldtheauntiessay, Anchal wrote a book about us, the brown girls. It is her semi-memoir with the element of self-help. The book begins with how Anchal paved her way to the makeup industry and then gradually covers the brown girl problems around different topics like body positivity, beauty standards, career, education, personal life, mental health, choices, big life decisions, etc. Each chapter per topic covers relevant brown girl dilemmas with some personal anecdotes from Anchal.
As for the help, I would love to appreciate how Anchal has not made this book sound too rebellious or impractical with her bits of advice. Because I was afraid that this book should not turn into just another “just do this and that” & "f*ck that shit" sort of book with the advice that is difficult to follow. Anchal has suggested some super practical ways out of the mentioned problems, like the golden means out of certain situations. Primarily, the book is about the immigrant brown girls from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, but nowhere it feels like that. Because you know, aunties are aunties, no matter where you are. All I mean to say is, it is highly relatable.
I also loved how the aunties are classified in this book, based on the types of judgements they pass. Because, of course, not all of them are similar. *Winks. Jokes apart, but Anchal has considered the element of why aunties behave the way they do. That is making me recommend this book to all the brown girls and aunties as well.
The most fun part is, I listened to this book on storytel in Anchal’s voice while reading from the physical copy. The experience was top-notch. I could feel the wit even more through narration.
A light and essential read for brown girls. I am sure you will find solution to some of your dilemmas, because I surely did.
If I start making a list of comments from these people, I will have to write a book as Anchal did.
Based on her podcast with the same name #whatwouldtheauntiessay, Anchal wrote a book about us, the brown girls. It is her semi-memoir with the element of self-help. The book begins with how Anchal paved her way to the makeup industry and then gradually covers the brown girl problems around different topics like body positivity, beauty standards, career, education, personal life, mental health, choices, big life decisions, etc. Each chapter per topic covers relevant brown girl dilemmas with some personal anecdotes from Anchal.
As for the help, I would love to appreciate how Anchal has not made this book sound too rebellious or impractical with her bits of advice. Because I was afraid that this book should not turn into just another “just do this and that” & "f*ck that shit" sort of book with the advice that is difficult to follow. Anchal has suggested some super practical ways out of the mentioned problems, like the golden means out of certain situations. Primarily, the book is about the immigrant brown girls from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, but nowhere it feels like that. Because you know, aunties are aunties, no matter where you are. All I mean to say is, it is highly relatable.
I also loved how the aunties are classified in this book, based on the types of judgements they pass. Because, of course, not all of them are similar. *Winks. Jokes apart, but Anchal has considered the element of why aunties behave the way they do. That is making me recommend this book to all the brown girls and aunties as well.
The most fun part is, I listened to this book on storytel in Anchal’s voice while reading from the physical copy. The experience was top-notch. I could feel the wit even more through narration.
A light and essential read for brown girls. I am sure you will find solution to some of your dilemmas, because I surely did.
August 30, 2021
Although its obvious that this is Anchal's first book and the writing needs practice, this book is SO important for visibility and understanding. I've searched all over the internet for exactly the things that are written in this book. Its amazing to have someone understand my experiences and I'm glad the book is out there for all of us brown girls!
May 27, 2024
I have mixed feelings about this book. As a brown girl with very strict parents I perceived some of the advise quite inappropriate. Advise like just do this and that andsee what happens doesn't work for everyone und might also be quite dangerous for some brown girls. Especially young girls following some of the advise might get in serious trouble. She does say that this book might not be for every brown girl. Compared to my family hers was rather modern. I also did not like that the toxic behavior of aunties and desi community in general was downplayed a little. I just couldn't relate as my life situation was very different and the advise given wasn't suitable.
August 28, 2021
"Our roots are strong and stable, and tied into a specific geographic area- but we live and thrive all over the globe. We're travellers. We're adventurers. We're not tied down to any one place."
Funny, irreverent and refreshing, What Would Aunties Say? by Anchal Seda is a book that'll make you feel like you're chatting with your coolest friend!
From talking about taboo topics of a brown household, like relationships and sexualities, to giving out information sheets about which kind of aunty to avoid, this book comes swinging as a combo package of an advice column and a cultural tour for all the brown girls out there who are looking to shake up some stereotypes and own their life!
I loved how the author has divided aunties into 3 categories-Mild, Spicy and Hot and how each of these aunties come forward with their own sets of pros and cons! These aunties will serve you your favourite Biryani with a dash of their awesome anecdotes and a critical comment on your love life and we love them for it but.. "try to tone it down a little, okay auntie?"🤭
The narration of this book felt flat for me on some occasions and some parts seemed a little stereotypical to me. I wish it had just a little more 'garam masala' and it would have been a perfect read for me!
The author has also shared some personal account of the awkward, embarrassing and the hilarious moments that she went through being a part of a brown household and has managed to twist them up into a chucklesome riotous guide to navigate any typical brown-family situation!
Finding the right guy? Dealing with body issues? Virginity? Dressing up according to your will? Comparisons with cousins? This one will guide you through all the real-life dilemmas! All you need to do is make your favourite kind of chai, get some pakodas and sit down to read this one on your comfiest couch!
Funny, irreverent and refreshing, What Would Aunties Say? by Anchal Seda is a book that'll make you feel like you're chatting with your coolest friend!
From talking about taboo topics of a brown household, like relationships and sexualities, to giving out information sheets about which kind of aunty to avoid, this book comes swinging as a combo package of an advice column and a cultural tour for all the brown girls out there who are looking to shake up some stereotypes and own their life!
I loved how the author has divided aunties into 3 categories-Mild, Spicy and Hot and how each of these aunties come forward with their own sets of pros and cons! These aunties will serve you your favourite Biryani with a dash of their awesome anecdotes and a critical comment on your love life and we love them for it but.. "try to tone it down a little, okay auntie?"🤭
The narration of this book felt flat for me on some occasions and some parts seemed a little stereotypical to me. I wish it had just a little more 'garam masala' and it would have been a perfect read for me!
The author has also shared some personal account of the awkward, embarrassing and the hilarious moments that she went through being a part of a brown household and has managed to twist them up into a chucklesome riotous guide to navigate any typical brown-family situation!
Finding the right guy? Dealing with body issues? Virginity? Dressing up according to your will? Comparisons with cousins? This one will guide you through all the real-life dilemmas! All you need to do is make your favourite kind of chai, get some pakodas and sit down to read this one on your comfiest couch!
March 18, 2022
I don't read a lot of nonfiction but when I heard about this book I knew I had to get myself a copy. Over the last few years, I spent a lot of time finding out who I am, accepting things, and overall struggling. This book would have definitely helped me a lot during that. It makes you feel seen, understood, and most of all it reminds you that you are not the only one going through these struggles.
With that said, this book would have helped me more a few years ago than now. I do think some topics could have had a deeper dive as I feel like it is just the surface level of a lot of these issues and some of the questions could have easily even become their own chapter as there is so much about that to be discussed and learned about.
I do think the book should honestly be advertised towards the Aunties a bit more. As a brown girl growing up in today's society, we are more willing to change and accept and have learned to tune out what others say, but the older generation needs to learn as well. And honestly, this book is perfect for that. Not saying to change who you are but be more accepting and open-minded. The book does a great job of phrasing things for people of all ages. Hence why I already marked certain passages I'm going to make my mom and aunts read because they need to hear it from someone other than me and each other.
It did make me feel seen and understood. Reminded me that even though we could be on opposite sides of the world that our struggles are all the same. Though by being advertised as a "brown girls guide" it doesn't really fit as to me it's more as talking about the most basic topics and what some brown girls do, not how to over come the issue to the best of our abilities and just excusing the behavior of the older generation and playing into the stereotypes.
With that said, this book would have helped me more a few years ago than now. I do think some topics could have had a deeper dive as I feel like it is just the surface level of a lot of these issues and some of the questions could have easily even become their own chapter as there is so much about that to be discussed and learned about.
I do think the book should honestly be advertised towards the Aunties a bit more. As a brown girl growing up in today's society, we are more willing to change and accept and have learned to tune out what others say, but the older generation needs to learn as well. And honestly, this book is perfect for that. Not saying to change who you are but be more accepting and open-minded. The book does a great job of phrasing things for people of all ages. Hence why I already marked certain passages I'm going to make my mom and aunts read because they need to hear it from someone other than me and each other.
It did make me feel seen and understood. Reminded me that even though we could be on opposite sides of the world that our struggles are all the same. Though by being advertised as a "brown girls guide" it doesn't really fit as to me it's more as talking about the most basic topics and what some brown girls do, not how to over come the issue to the best of our abilities and just excusing the behavior of the older generation and playing into the stereotypes.
April 6, 2023
was good at the beginning, but very quickly got insanely repetitive and then just insanely meh
December 31, 2022
This book is relatable for almost all South Asian girls/ women. Although it was relatable, and at times humorous, it wasn’t written very well and lacked sophisticated language. Maybe because I’m 30!
September 13, 2022
I loved reading this! I can’t believe I’ve never come across Anchal’s podcast before, or watched her makeup tutorials, but she’s amazing at discussing everything on a brown girl’s mind.
*She describes different types of aunties and their traits, and their ‘spice’ levels which I found hilarious
* Code switching between languages (English and our mother-tongues)
* Discussion on lunchboxes at school and work, having to explain the food we eat, why it has so many colours, the spice, names for different ingredients etc. this bit was so relatable as I used to fill up the staff room with curry flavours years ago😂
* My all time favourite - being told not to go out in the sun lest we get darker. God forbid (!) I’ve had a week long honeymoon in Egypt and let me tell you, I bathed in the sun like I won’t see the sun ever again and I loved it.
* Language and dialogue sounds like she’s justifying her thoughts and opinions. She talks about how families came over here to escape violence persecution in south Asia or east Africa but doesn’t mention that by coming to Britain they are not coming to a friendly host country as the host country is the one that started unrest in their home countries in the first place. For instance, whilst writing about Brown people she does not mention about the impact of colonialism and how this has made it difficult to come to terms with one’s identity. Yes, she does talk about navigating identities but not the cause of conflicts within ourselves.
* She states that the reason why brown people don’t understand volunteering for the current generation is because they didn’t have time to volunteer. She doesn’t say that the reason why they didn’t have time and couldn’t commit to extracurricular activities is because of discrimination in the workplace, the pay gap and all other factors that put them behind white people. Brown people’s place on the social ladder didn’t really have a chance back then.
* I liked her chapter on body image, being called too fat or too skinny, being too tall or short, ace, our confidence and self-esteem.
* Chapter on what counts as a proper or respectable job, and being a homemaker/housewife which is also a respectable and dignified way to live was enjoyable too
* One of the chapters I waited to read was on the age to get married! Brown people (aunties and uncles) are so fixed on the prime age to get married and have children, women having body clocks and being frowned upon if they don't want to get married yet or at all. The discussions here are praiseworthy.
* Within home and domestic life she presents examples of the treatment of girls and boys, the separation of house tasks and delegating house chores between the genders (which I find sooooo annoying)
* She also touches on the fact that every auntie had similar experiences so they should be conscious before putting someone through the same and we should remind them as well.
* Other topics discussed are racism in marriage, religious differences, caste differences. I disagree with some of her opinions on how religious differences shouldn’t matter, but the truth is they do. People’s beliefs can stop them from marrying and she doesn’t quite understand it. Her understanding of religions being like the same song but different lyrics sounds airy fairy.
* Chapter on mental health and therapy, medicine and reaching out to professionals is comfortably familiar. She gives a range of good recommendations for treatment, self help, doctors to read around, apps, types of therapy etc
Overall a very good read and I enjoyed it. I’m quite fond of Anchor and I will be listening to her podcasts from now on. I have lots of catching up to do!
*She describes different types of aunties and their traits, and their ‘spice’ levels which I found hilarious
* Code switching between languages (English and our mother-tongues)
* Discussion on lunchboxes at school and work, having to explain the food we eat, why it has so many colours, the spice, names for different ingredients etc. this bit was so relatable as I used to fill up the staff room with curry flavours years ago😂
* My all time favourite - being told not to go out in the sun lest we get darker. God forbid (!) I’ve had a week long honeymoon in Egypt and let me tell you, I bathed in the sun like I won’t see the sun ever again and I loved it.
* Language and dialogue sounds like she’s justifying her thoughts and opinions. She talks about how families came over here to escape violence persecution in south Asia or east Africa but doesn’t mention that by coming to Britain they are not coming to a friendly host country as the host country is the one that started unrest in their home countries in the first place. For instance, whilst writing about Brown people she does not mention about the impact of colonialism and how this has made it difficult to come to terms with one’s identity. Yes, she does talk about navigating identities but not the cause of conflicts within ourselves.
* She states that the reason why brown people don’t understand volunteering for the current generation is because they didn’t have time to volunteer. She doesn’t say that the reason why they didn’t have time and couldn’t commit to extracurricular activities is because of discrimination in the workplace, the pay gap and all other factors that put them behind white people. Brown people’s place on the social ladder didn’t really have a chance back then.
* I liked her chapter on body image, being called too fat or too skinny, being too tall or short, ace, our confidence and self-esteem.
* Chapter on what counts as a proper or respectable job, and being a homemaker/housewife which is also a respectable and dignified way to live was enjoyable too
* One of the chapters I waited to read was on the age to get married! Brown people (aunties and uncles) are so fixed on the prime age to get married and have children, women having body clocks and being frowned upon if they don't want to get married yet or at all. The discussions here are praiseworthy.
* Within home and domestic life she presents examples of the treatment of girls and boys, the separation of house tasks and delegating house chores between the genders (which I find sooooo annoying)
* She also touches on the fact that every auntie had similar experiences so they should be conscious before putting someone through the same and we should remind them as well.
* Other topics discussed are racism in marriage, religious differences, caste differences. I disagree with some of her opinions on how religious differences shouldn’t matter, but the truth is they do. People’s beliefs can stop them from marrying and she doesn’t quite understand it. Her understanding of religions being like the same song but different lyrics sounds airy fairy.
* Chapter on mental health and therapy, medicine and reaching out to professionals is comfortably familiar. She gives a range of good recommendations for treatment, self help, doctors to read around, apps, types of therapy etc
Overall a very good read and I enjoyed it. I’m quite fond of Anchor and I will be listening to her podcasts from now on. I have lots of catching up to do!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 17, 2021
Anchal Seda uses her words to outline and discuss in-depth, the problems faced by brown-girls aka south east asian women, living abroad. She does so by using the over-exploited line that brown girls/families hear on a daily basis - 'Log Kya Kahenge?'.
Now, I am a brown girl living in my birth country so I cannot say that everything in the book was 100 percent relatable but I have faced my share of those issues in varying degrees.
From my seniors using a song to insinuate that I have to remember that I Am A Girl while I walked onto the stage during the freshers party because apparently I did things that women shouldn't do (this broke me) to the regular sexism I face while driving my car to the more than occasional 'its time for you to get married', I've experienced it all.
I've been asked to talk less, lower my speaking volume and not fight against a guy who abused me verbally in front of my peers because he is a guy and they are like aggressive like that. To make it worse, people around me went to console him as if this situation was somehow my fault.
I know I am a strong woman who dealt with all this in my own measure and capacity. I am still standing and standing stronger than ever before. I don't usually think about this but I am glad I picked up 'What will the aunties say?'. It reminded me of the strength I hold.
It also sky-rocketed the gratitude I feel towards my parents because never once did they make me feel like I am not enough because I am not a boy. Never once did they treat me differently. They've always pushed me to give my best and be my best self. They've given me every opportunity that they could afford to make sure that I shine.
So, when the people who gave birth to me are amazing and supportive, why should I even care what the aunties would say?
I know this turned out to be more of a post sharing my experiences rather than a review of the book but I just felt really good reading it.
The book was very resourceful as well. I may not agree with the author for everything said but she makes some glorious points. She made me feel freaking amazing!!!!
Pick this book up for a confidence boost or to realise that you're not alone with your issues and that there's help if you need it. I think you will atleast find out something about yourself while reading this.
Thank you Simon and Schuster India for the review copy!
Now, I am a brown girl living in my birth country so I cannot say that everything in the book was 100 percent relatable but I have faced my share of those issues in varying degrees.
From my seniors using a song to insinuate that I have to remember that I Am A Girl while I walked onto the stage during the freshers party because apparently I did things that women shouldn't do (this broke me) to the regular sexism I face while driving my car to the more than occasional 'its time for you to get married', I've experienced it all.
I've been asked to talk less, lower my speaking volume and not fight against a guy who abused me verbally in front of my peers because he is a guy and they are like aggressive like that. To make it worse, people around me went to console him as if this situation was somehow my fault.
I know I am a strong woman who dealt with all this in my own measure and capacity. I am still standing and standing stronger than ever before. I don't usually think about this but I am glad I picked up 'What will the aunties say?'. It reminded me of the strength I hold.
It also sky-rocketed the gratitude I feel towards my parents because never once did they make me feel like I am not enough because I am not a boy. Never once did they treat me differently. They've always pushed me to give my best and be my best self. They've given me every opportunity that they could afford to make sure that I shine.
So, when the people who gave birth to me are amazing and supportive, why should I even care what the aunties would say?
I know this turned out to be more of a post sharing my experiences rather than a review of the book but I just felt really good reading it.
The book was very resourceful as well. I may not agree with the author for everything said but she makes some glorious points. She made me feel freaking amazing!!!!
Pick this book up for a confidence boost or to realise that you're not alone with your issues and that there's help if you need it. I think you will atleast find out something about yourself while reading this.
Thank you Simon and Schuster India for the review copy!
May 5, 2022
I have mixed feelings on this book, and have no idea what to rate it now that I've compiled my thoughts, I think I'm a bit more sure of what to rate it
Firstly, I want to applaud the author for writing this kind of book, full of relatable experiences and advice for brown girls. The fact that there are so many religions, traditions, cultures and sub-cultures within South Asia, and so many girls who have so many different experiences, yet she still made it relevant for us is something I loved.
I think my main problem was with her 'categories' of brown girls: Wild West, On the Fence and By the Book. I just think that they are quite general, and I don't think anyone fits perfectly into one of these categories, rather we have different aspects that apply to us. Take me: I'm By the Book when it comes to a lot of my actions and opinions, On the Fence when it comes to clothing (i.e. I wear western but modest) and Wild West when it comes to language and culture (something I want to change). These labels at occasions did have me scratching my head and disagreeing. At the same time, she does say herself that she doesn't like to categorise or group people. I think it would have been better phrased if she wrote them as different opinions? Ideologies? I think you get what I mean.
That was probably my main gripe. Other than that, I enjoyed her commentary on different topics, such as racism/colourism within South Asians and the lack of talk about mental health. I'd definitely like to see her talk more in depth about some of these topics though. Another thing was that some of her principles just reminded me so much of my own, namely the way she values her family, which is definitely important in our culture. Branching off of this, she discussed the disconnect between our eastern and western sides, feeling 'culturally homeless' and how some of our ideas are looked down upon because they aren't 'western enough'.
I'm starting to wish that I'd bought a copy rather than borrowed one, because there are definitely some passages that I'd love to highlight and show to my own aunties.
P.S. THE ILLUSTRATIONS WERE BEAUTIFUL
Firstly, I want to applaud the author for writing this kind of book, full of relatable experiences and advice for brown girls. The fact that there are so many religions, traditions, cultures and sub-cultures within South Asia, and so many girls who have so many different experiences, yet she still made it relevant for us is something I loved.
I think my main problem was with her 'categories' of brown girls: Wild West, On the Fence and By the Book. I just think that they are quite general, and I don't think anyone fits perfectly into one of these categories, rather we have different aspects that apply to us. Take me: I'm By the Book when it comes to a lot of my actions and opinions, On the Fence when it comes to clothing (i.e. I wear western but modest) and Wild West when it comes to language and culture (something I want to change). These labels at occasions did have me scratching my head and disagreeing. At the same time, she does say herself that she doesn't like to categorise or group people. I think it would have been better phrased if she wrote them as different opinions? Ideologies? I think you get what I mean.
That was probably my main gripe. Other than that, I enjoyed her commentary on different topics, such as racism/colourism within South Asians and the lack of talk about mental health. I'd definitely like to see her talk more in depth about some of these topics though. Another thing was that some of her principles just reminded me so much of my own, namely the way she values her family, which is definitely important in our culture. Branching off of this, she discussed the disconnect between our eastern and western sides, feeling 'culturally homeless' and how some of our ideas are looked down upon because they aren't 'western enough'.
I'm starting to wish that I'd bought a copy rather than borrowed one, because there are definitely some passages that I'd love to highlight and show to my own aunties.
P.S. THE ILLUSTRATIONS WERE BEAUTIFUL
February 19, 2023
Hmmm this book was a bit of a disappointment
Things I was not a fan of:
* Anchal suggested she would not judge someone doing sex work but caveated this saying her morals mean she couldn’t do it I.e calling it “immoral”…
* Judgement of love bites as cheap and tart sounded like, mentions of people having children outside of marriage as “lack of self control” - suggested anchal maybe had more of the aunties judgemental views than she realised
* Unnecessary long advice paragraphs seemed to ramble and often make assumptions with not enough context about the dilemmas available in the first place
The section on South Asian anti blackness rhetoric did not seem well thought through. Anchal outlined examples of these harmful views several times, however it felt she did not fully explore and acknowledge the extent of this and its roots and discriminatory nature. This was immediately followed up by paragraphs outlining racism against south Asian people. It feels like anchal did not fully understand the differences in racism and discrimination experienced by different races, and the fact that brown people do not experience day to day/institutional racism on the same level as black people …. Statistics and research may have been helpful here instead of baseless assumptions
The end and overall message justified toxic behaviour from elders within the south Asian community as “love” which everyone is lucky to have. I just don’t think this is true or acknowledges the truly awful experiences some south Asian people have growing up. Although Anchal tried to make her book relatable for all, this conclusion shows Anchal’s privileged position, growing up within more loving circumstances than many.
Despite some openness, we never understood anchals relationship with her dad - at the beginning saying that he was toxic, followed up by this being forgiven, then ending with Anchal saying there are things she can’t forgive him for. From experience, many south Asian women experience toxic relationships particularly with their dad due to toxic ideologies of gender roles etc. I think anchal outlining her full experience with this would have been of more value..
Things I was not a fan of:
* Anchal suggested she would not judge someone doing sex work but caveated this saying her morals mean she couldn’t do it I.e calling it “immoral”…
* Judgement of love bites as cheap and tart sounded like, mentions of people having children outside of marriage as “lack of self control” - suggested anchal maybe had more of the aunties judgemental views than she realised
* Unnecessary long advice paragraphs seemed to ramble and often make assumptions with not enough context about the dilemmas available in the first place
The section on South Asian anti blackness rhetoric did not seem well thought through. Anchal outlined examples of these harmful views several times, however it felt she did not fully explore and acknowledge the extent of this and its roots and discriminatory nature. This was immediately followed up by paragraphs outlining racism against south Asian people. It feels like anchal did not fully understand the differences in racism and discrimination experienced by different races, and the fact that brown people do not experience day to day/institutional racism on the same level as black people …. Statistics and research may have been helpful here instead of baseless assumptions
The end and overall message justified toxic behaviour from elders within the south Asian community as “love” which everyone is lucky to have. I just don’t think this is true or acknowledges the truly awful experiences some south Asian people have growing up. Although Anchal tried to make her book relatable for all, this conclusion shows Anchal’s privileged position, growing up within more loving circumstances than many.
Despite some openness, we never understood anchals relationship with her dad - at the beginning saying that he was toxic, followed up by this being forgiven, then ending with Anchal saying there are things she can’t forgive him for. From experience, many south Asian women experience toxic relationships particularly with their dad due to toxic ideologies of gender roles etc. I think anchal outlining her full experience with this would have been of more value..
September 20, 2021
Anchal Seda's debut novel "What would the aunties say?" is a mix of satire, humor, a little bit of biography, self-help, and a unique-in-itself account of the problems brown girls face worldwide because of these aunties. Born and brought up in London, Anchal's take is mostly from the viewpoint of a South Asian brown girl living in a foreign country. However, the majority of the issues mentioned are true to all the South Asian girls in different capacities. Deeply rooted in the cultural background of South Asian families, regardless of religion and nationality, there are few things common in all the south Asian households which knowingly - unknowingly force certain expectations and social obligations on their children, especially girls. While things are changing for good, there is still a long way to go.
Anchal Seda is to the point and honest in her views on different expectations which are forced on South Asian girls with regards to their choice of career, boyfriend, marriage, attire, and everything else. Drawing examples from her own life and her own family, through simple language, and engaging narration, the author has turned her take on a sensitive topic into one of the most humorous books you will read. True to the title, this book is indeed a guide for every South Asian girl to help them make their choices wisely. However, there are chances that one may not agree with everything written in this book, and that's okay. The teens and young adults from South Asian families may be able to relate to this book more and would love it if taken in light spirit.
Anchal Seda is to the point and honest in her views on different expectations which are forced on South Asian girls with regards to their choice of career, boyfriend, marriage, attire, and everything else. Drawing examples from her own life and her own family, through simple language, and engaging narration, the author has turned her take on a sensitive topic into one of the most humorous books you will read. True to the title, this book is indeed a guide for every South Asian girl to help them make their choices wisely. However, there are chances that one may not agree with everything written in this book, and that's okay. The teens and young adults from South Asian families may be able to relate to this book more and would love it if taken in light spirit.
December 12, 2021
What Would the Aunties Say?: A brown girl's guide to being yourself and living your best life is a debut novel by Anchal Seda that focuses on one of the most prevalent beings in any South Asian household - the nosy, meddling, all along the way - super judgemental AUNTIES that almost every one of us has come across so many infinite numbers of times in our daily lives.
The informal narration suits the premise of the book so aptly that you feel like talking face to face with the author as you proceed with each page. This book serves as a guide to the whole lot of problems brown girls face owing to these 'aunties', how to overcome them, and break stereotypes that have been deeply ingrained in the South Asian culture. The best part, as the title of the review suggests, was Seda categorizing these 'aunties' into Mild, Spicy, and Hot! Had me laughing for so many days after I finished reading the book.
Rather than just a guide, I feel this book opens up a new avenue for the modern generation of brown girls to step up and take the charge of how they can change the mindsets of the older generations. So, definitely recommended for all brown girls as well as these 'aunties' so that they get some new perspective!
The informal narration suits the premise of the book so aptly that you feel like talking face to face with the author as you proceed with each page. This book serves as a guide to the whole lot of problems brown girls face owing to these 'aunties', how to overcome them, and break stereotypes that have been deeply ingrained in the South Asian culture. The best part, as the title of the review suggests, was Seda categorizing these 'aunties' into Mild, Spicy, and Hot! Had me laughing for so many days after I finished reading the book.
Rather than just a guide, I feel this book opens up a new avenue for the modern generation of brown girls to step up and take the charge of how they can change the mindsets of the older generations. So, definitely recommended for all brown girls as well as these 'aunties' so that they get some new perspective!
April 5, 2023
i love that she mentions “fair & lovely” well “glow & lovely” now
idk why but saying “flat chested” and referring to it as “boyish” in the next line don’t really like that (yes i’m a small boobs person which is probably why)
i’m sorry but does that mean that we can’t complain about bloating just cuz we’re skinny? insecurities go both ways ofc be mindful but that doesn’t mean don’t have insecurities and dont complain about them to make sure to not affect others i don’t really get that part
no fr how r u telling me “don’t talk to boys at all” until i’m 18 and then suddenly 180’ and say “do u have a guy in mind or should i look for someone to get u married?” like what in the world obvsly i want to get married but not having such a big flip is just no
i dont like some of the stuff she says but it is her mum and her opinions so can’t argue against those
that’s what i’m saying how r ppl of colour racist
u literally know how it feels going through that and then turn around and do the same
ok me personally i think when she was answering the questions she looked and talked about different sides or worries when it wasn’t necessary (?) i guess like the person who asked the question probably think of it before but they’re definitely thinking of it now (negatively) but she always ends it on a positive note so can’t say that she “raised more worries” i just personally don’t like it
yh i don’t think it was really my style (personally)
idk why but saying “flat chested” and referring to it as “boyish” in the next line don’t really like that (yes i’m a small boobs person which is probably why)
i’m sorry but does that mean that we can’t complain about bloating just cuz we’re skinny? insecurities go both ways ofc be mindful but that doesn’t mean don’t have insecurities and dont complain about them to make sure to not affect others i don’t really get that part
no fr how r u telling me “don’t talk to boys at all” until i’m 18 and then suddenly 180’ and say “do u have a guy in mind or should i look for someone to get u married?” like what in the world obvsly i want to get married but not having such a big flip is just no
i dont like some of the stuff she says but it is her mum and her opinions so can’t argue against those
that’s what i’m saying how r ppl of colour racist
u literally know how it feels going through that and then turn around and do the same
ok me personally i think when she was answering the questions she looked and talked about different sides or worries when it wasn’t necessary (?) i guess like the person who asked the question probably think of it before but they’re definitely thinking of it now (negatively) but she always ends it on a positive note so can’t say that she “raised more worries” i just personally don’t like it
yh i don’t think it was really my style (personally)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 18, 2023
This book kept me smiling through difficult days in the hospital next to my grandpa, so I have a special attachment to both it and the cousin who gifted it to me~ ❤ (and if you’re wondering, gramps is good and home ^^)
Honestly, as a brown girl’s guide to living our best lives, I really enjoyed it! I love that Anchal is an optimistic and compassionate person- instead of rejecting our (sometimes problematic) culture as a whole, she tries to find the pieces that are beautiful and hold them close while letting the bad go. (Which, honestly, seems like a wise way to grow in any context.)
It’s definitely a fun read, though a few parts made me feel alienated. While she does acknowledge our varying backgrounds on an international level, much of her advice and beliefs are rooted in the experiences she’s had; many of which sound more supportive than what I know brown girls in my life have gone through. Still, it’s uplifting to know that we’re growing and changing as a collective, and I look forward to watching our community bloom!
Honestly, as a brown girl’s guide to living our best lives, I really enjoyed it! I love that Anchal is an optimistic and compassionate person- instead of rejecting our (sometimes problematic) culture as a whole, she tries to find the pieces that are beautiful and hold them close while letting the bad go. (Which, honestly, seems like a wise way to grow in any context.)
It’s definitely a fun read, though a few parts made me feel alienated. While she does acknowledge our varying backgrounds on an international level, much of her advice and beliefs are rooted in the experiences she’s had; many of which sound more supportive than what I know brown girls in my life have gone through. Still, it’s uplifting to know that we’re growing and changing as a collective, and I look forward to watching our community bloom!
November 7, 2024
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
A perfect book for brown girls. This book shows us different aspects of life a brown girl faces, whether it's about her body, her skin colour, her career, or her relationships. The author showed us the impact those aunties(society) leaves on us as they make comments(critics) on our every life choices. I felt related too it so much, even the parts I haven't experienced yet were so damn correct, just how I see in my surroundings.
The way she tried to bring humour in the book was also admirable, those 'mild', 'hot' and 'spice' aunty concept was so funny and true at the same time!!
This was my first nonfiction book and I actually liked it.
Me liking nonfiction?
Never thought this day will come!!
So if you like reading about woman's life struggle and the things she faces, which makes you feel relatable, you should definitely read this one!!
A perfect book for brown girls. This book shows us different aspects of life a brown girl faces, whether it's about her body, her skin colour, her career, or her relationships. The author showed us the impact those aunties(society) leaves on us as they make comments(critics) on our every life choices. I felt related too it so much, even the parts I haven't experienced yet were so damn correct, just how I see in my surroundings.
The way she tried to bring humour in the book was also admirable, those 'mild', 'hot' and 'spice' aunty concept was so funny and true at the same time!!
This was my first nonfiction book and I actually liked it.
Me liking nonfiction?
Never thought this day will come!!
So if you like reading about woman's life struggle and the things she faces, which makes you feel relatable, you should definitely read this one!!
January 20, 2025
I have listened to Anchal Seda's podcast of the same name and was excited to pick up this book. As someone who has grown up in two cultures myself, I found a lot of the things described by Anchal to resonate with me. For example, being given unsolicited advice by 'aunties' and 'relatives' constantly with no thought of how it might affect me or the other person. The book also deals with topics such as body positivity, education, mental health and career choices. Many of these are still underrepresented topics in South Asian communities and is one of the reason this was interesting to read from a similar perspective and be like 'YES! I totally get you!,
February 28, 2022
I have followed Anchal for a long time and I love her podcast what would the aunties say, talking about toxic subjects that aunties and society would be shaking their heads to. But Anchal talks about them so the next generation isn’t afraid to talk about this, and so that we don’t feel alone. In her book she goes into more depth about this and much more. This book was very insightful for me. I would recommend this book.
June 4, 2024
This book is full of advice, stories tears and laughter. Anchal has done well to highlight the experiences of brown girls, ones that we can all relate to. She looks at the situations from both sides and offers great insight which makes you think. This book highlights the principle and then you go away and apply to what you need to in your life. I enjoyed it - very well written.
December 2, 2021
WAS A GOOD READ... so much facts, humour, truth and feeling. As a brown girl, I can relate myself with this book.
April 17, 2022
Good for visibility or young woman of colour, not well written rather more of a passing trend.
May 8, 2022
Amazing for brown girls!! Loved the spice in it
May 29, 2022
A must read for every brown girl in the Asian community.👍🏽
September 26, 2022
4.5. Such a fun light hearted read that I’d recommend to any other brown girl💖
January 14, 2024
a book for the brown girlies only
September 22, 2021
I loved it overall. I couldn't put it down and read it in one sitting. What really stood out to me was how she touched on subjects that isn't really talked about. Would definitely recommend this to people.
February 15, 2024
Loved it for the fact that it was very relateable
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