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Heartbeat Repeating
“If he could keep Avery’s eyes on him, just for a few moments, he’d give up everything he had.”
Millionaire Alejandro Santos’ life is defined by three things: money, compulsions, and loss. And while he has long-since learned to cope with his OCD, he has never moved on after losing his family. Grief is his only companion, and he plans to keep it that way.
And then he sees a young college student washing cars for charity in the freezing cold, and everything changes. Without meaning to, Alejandro stops, and the next thing he knows, Avery Marshak is signing his name on the dotted line, becoming his new sugar baby.
Twelve months later, and Avery has followed all of Alejandro’s rules to a T. No touching, no sleeping with anyone, always come when he calls. But spending a year without so much as a handshake, and Avery’s starting to feel a little affection starved. He tells himself there’s no point in hoping this year will be different, because Alejandro is not the kind of man who embraces change.
And then his sugar daddy shows up with an offer: stay with me at my penthouse for Chanukah.
Saying yes is dangerous, because Avery’s heart is a fool and even a single touch will ruin what little progress he’s made in protecting it. But he also knows he can’t resist the offer, because what’s a little heartbreak if it gives him a single chance to know the man who’s been keeping himself at a distance.
Avery wants to believe there’s hope—that the miracle of Chanukah is more than lights. But the more Alejandro opens up, the more Avery realizes this might not be a beginning, but instead the means to an end.
Will Alejandro be able to let go of his grief and embrace the love in front of him? And will Avery find the patience to hold on as Alejandro fights to break through his comfortable routine? The answer is there, if only they stop to listen, in the echo of their heartbeats repeating.
Heartbeat Repeating is a stand-alone holiday novel with no cheating and a Happily Ever After.
Millionaire Alejandro Santos’ life is defined by three things: money, compulsions, and loss. And while he has long-since learned to cope with his OCD, he has never moved on after losing his family. Grief is his only companion, and he plans to keep it that way.
And then he sees a young college student washing cars for charity in the freezing cold, and everything changes. Without meaning to, Alejandro stops, and the next thing he knows, Avery Marshak is signing his name on the dotted line, becoming his new sugar baby.
Twelve months later, and Avery has followed all of Alejandro’s rules to a T. No touching, no sleeping with anyone, always come when he calls. But spending a year without so much as a handshake, and Avery’s starting to feel a little affection starved. He tells himself there’s no point in hoping this year will be different, because Alejandro is not the kind of man who embraces change.
And then his sugar daddy shows up with an offer: stay with me at my penthouse for Chanukah.
Saying yes is dangerous, because Avery’s heart is a fool and even a single touch will ruin what little progress he’s made in protecting it. But he also knows he can’t resist the offer, because what’s a little heartbreak if it gives him a single chance to know the man who’s been keeping himself at a distance.
Avery wants to believe there’s hope—that the miracle of Chanukah is more than lights. But the more Alejandro opens up, the more Avery realizes this might not be a beginning, but instead the means to an end.
Will Alejandro be able to let go of his grief and embrace the love in front of him? And will Avery find the patience to hold on as Alejandro fights to break through his comfortable routine? The answer is there, if only they stop to listen, in the echo of their heartbeats repeating.
Heartbeat Repeating is a stand-alone holiday novel with no cheating and a Happily Ever After.
226 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 10, 2020
114 people are currently reading
277 people want to read
About the author
E.M. Lindsey
142 books1,401 followersE.M. Lindsey is the author of MM contemporary romance. She presently lives and works in the southeastern United States.
EM Lindsey also writes MM Paranormal Romance under the pseudonym Ariel Millar.
EM Lindsey also writes MM Paranormal Romance under the pseudonym Ariel Millar.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 68 reviews
December 22, 2020
But sometimes he can’t help but wonder if hell is actually this—living while other people die. Feasting while others starve. Loving while other people grieve.
This book had a lot of elements that would usually make for a good angsty romance for me, and I'm sad that it didn't work for me in several ways. Because it could have. I could've really liked this book. But instead I ended up feeling kinda lacklustre about it, and part of that has to do with the content of the book, but a larger part of it has to do with how it was told.
So, broad strokes. A grieving billionaire and a college student enter into a contractual relationship, and after a year of no physical contact, just habitual dinners, they spend Chanukah together. I was really surprised at the way this began: after they've already met, and their contract has been set up. We do get to see that moment in flashbacks, but I think that not seeing their first meeting as it happened really took away from whatever chemistry we were supposed to feel between these two characters. Because for a major portion of the book, I felt absolutely none.
Then, there is a time-skip to a year later. I don't mind time-skips sometimes, but I really think it was the wrong decision for this particular story. We're told that Avery and Alejandro have started feeling a lot closer to each other through their dinners (though they haven't told each other that) and we do have the opportunity to see some of their time together, but it's not a lot. Basically, my problem was that the author was telling us that the characters had a certain kind of relationship, and that time had passed and they had cultivated this depth of feeling, but I didn't feel any of it at all. Everything that I'm describing happens within the first, maybe, 25 percent of the book. They both start thinking about the fact that they love each other pretty early on as well, and I just did not believe any of that. I only started buying into this relationship very late in the book, and even then, it all felt kind of manufactured.
As for the age-gap billionaire thing, I'm pretty cool with the former, not so much with the latter. There was nothing bad content-wise, but if I'm going to be reading a book about rich people, I'd like there to at least be a little bit of meaningful commentary on wealth, et cetera. I didn't really get any of that. So I felt pretty meh about Alejandro's massive fortune, as I always do with characters in his position.
Some things the book did really right were the OCD representation and the grief. Alejandro's daughter is dead long before the story begins, but she still has such a huge presence here, and I think that speaks a lot to how much he loved her, how much he can't bear not to think of her, how much he's mismanaging his grief. The author did a great job of portraying that. I really liked the development in that regard, and how he comes to a better place at the end of the book. His OCD isn't something that he recovers from or gets better at, it's just something that's present all throughout the book, and all throughout his life, and it's just something that he has to manage. I super appreciated the frankness and realism; we don't see enough of that with mental illness in books. And even if I didn't feel the connection between them, I enjoyed seeing Avery and Alejandro celebrate Chanukah together. I got the feeling the author had a lot of fun with it. :)
This was a very competently and sometimes beautifully written book, and while I liked it well enough, I'm sad because I know that I could have liked it even more if it had been more believably told and better paced. I didn't really come to care for the characters or the relationship until it was too late and that's a shame.
December 10, 2020
A Joyfully Jay review.
3.75 stars
Heartbeat Repeating is a beautiful story of a man moving forward in the face of incredible grief and loss. The pain Alejandro feels at his daughter’s death is still so raw and he is unable to see beyond the intense grief. It not only led to the end of his marriage and prevented him from moving forward with other relationships, it has also left him feeling so broken. E.M. Lindsey captures that grief so well here, and it is painful and powerful, and ultimately so rewarding when we see Alejandro slowly begin to find his way forward. Not that being with Avery is a magic solution or cure, but Alejandro slowly starts to test his limits so he can be with Avery and realizes that his walls are lower than he thought. I assume it’s obvious here, but just in case: this story deals with profound grief surrounding the death of a child. While it occurred eight years before, and we are seeing more of the aftermath than the initial emotions, tread carefully if this is a sensitive area for you.
Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.
3.75 stars
Heartbeat Repeating is a beautiful story of a man moving forward in the face of incredible grief and loss. The pain Alejandro feels at his daughter’s death is still so raw and he is unable to see beyond the intense grief. It not only led to the end of his marriage and prevented him from moving forward with other relationships, it has also left him feeling so broken. E.M. Lindsey captures that grief so well here, and it is painful and powerful, and ultimately so rewarding when we see Alejandro slowly begin to find his way forward. Not that being with Avery is a magic solution or cure, but Alejandro slowly starts to test his limits so he can be with Avery and realizes that his walls are lower than he thought. I assume it’s obvious here, but just in case: this story deals with profound grief surrounding the death of a child. While it occurred eight years before, and we are seeing more of the aftermath than the initial emotions, tread carefully if this is a sensitive area for you.
Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.
did-not-finish
April 30, 2022DNF @ 11%. No rating.
I nearly fell asleep due to boredom. For some reason, the author decided to start the story with a load of info-dumping, rather than showing us what the characters were like and how they met. 95% of the first chapter consists of the MC internally monologuing about himself (his history, his family, his job and his mental health issues) and the second chapter is the same, but from the POV of the second MC. Even the MCs first meeting is told rather than shown. Not to mention that certain facts get repeated over and over again, as if the author was determined to hit a certain word count for each chapter. This writing style isn't my cup of tea.
Also - I was baffled at how dumb the MCs contract is. These two guys meet during a car wash, during which the older MC decides he's in love with the younger MC purely based on his looks and what he thinks the younger MC is like (this is before they've even spoken to each other). Their first conversation involves the older MC demanding that the younger MC come to his office to sign a sugar daddy/baby contract and for some bizarre reason, the younger MC agrees.
These two don't know anything about each other and the whole thing seemed stupid. The older MC wants somebody who will amuse him with one-sided conversations (which is fine), but he has no idea if the younger MC's style of conversation suits him or if he's even interested in what he has to say. The younger MC agrees to the older MC's strange rules and happily takes his money in advance (the younger MC isn't in dire financial straits - he needs money to vacation in Greece) while legally binding himself to a contract that he might not be comfortable or even capable of fulfilling. As far as I know, long term sugar daddy/baby partnerships or escort/client partnerships start with both people meeting at least once to make sure they actually like each other and get along. If they sign a contract, they create the contract together to make sure it's what they both want. So the way the MCs went about things here was too dumb for my taste.
I was also wary about the way the author was going to portray the older MC's OCD. Right from the start, it seems the older MC uses his OCD as a get-out-of-jail card that he uses to justify any bad behavior and he demands that the world grant him certain privileges due to his OCD being difficult to control. Despite OCD being a topic that's very personal to me (thus, my interest in this story being higher than normal), this isn't the type of character or the kind of mental health journey that I'm interested in.
I nearly fell asleep due to boredom. For some reason, the author decided to start the story with a load of info-dumping, rather than showing us what the characters were like and how they met. 95% of the first chapter consists of the MC internally monologuing about himself (his history, his family, his job and his mental health issues) and the second chapter is the same, but from the POV of the second MC. Even the MCs first meeting is told rather than shown. Not to mention that certain facts get repeated over and over again, as if the author was determined to hit a certain word count for each chapter. This writing style isn't my cup of tea.
Also - I was baffled at how dumb the MCs contract is. These two guys meet during a car wash, during which the older MC decides he's in love with the younger MC purely based on his looks and what he thinks the younger MC is like (this is before they've even spoken to each other). Their first conversation involves the older MC demanding that the younger MC come to his office to sign a sugar daddy/baby contract and for some bizarre reason, the younger MC agrees.
These two don't know anything about each other and the whole thing seemed stupid. The older MC wants somebody who will amuse him with one-sided conversations (which is fine), but he has no idea if the younger MC's style of conversation suits him or if he's even interested in what he has to say. The younger MC agrees to the older MC's strange rules and happily takes his money in advance (the younger MC isn't in dire financial straits - he needs money to vacation in Greece) while legally binding himself to a contract that he might not be comfortable or even capable of fulfilling. As far as I know, long term sugar daddy/baby partnerships or escort/client partnerships start with both people meeting at least once to make sure they actually like each other and get along. If they sign a contract, they create the contract together to make sure it's what they both want. So the way the MCs went about things here was too dumb for my taste.
I was also wary about the way the author was going to portray the older MC's OCD. Right from the start, it seems the older MC uses his OCD as a get-out-of-jail card that he uses to justify any bad behavior and he demands that the world grant him certain privileges due to his OCD being difficult to control. Despite OCD being a topic that's very personal to me (thus, my interest in this story being higher than normal), this isn't the type of character or the kind of mental health journey that I'm interested in.
December 11, 2020
Oh E.M. Lindsey, you did it this time! The last book from this author didn't work for me, but this one was sooo lovely. *swoons* 😍😍❤
What happens when a person who mentally can't let go of things because of his OCD it's hit by a loss? Total clusterfuck, for 7 years Alejandro (love the name btw) was in pain and in a fog from grief until he meets Avery, a ray of sunshine who made him FEEL for the first time.
I wanted to hug Alejandro, to shield him, to feed him, something! The way Lindsey described his struggle with OCD and on top of that his grief it was just palpable, I could feel his despair, his fear of loving and loosing again, his reluctance to put himself out there because if it goes wrong he wouldn't be able to take it. I. FELT. THAT. GOD I need ice cream or something.
He protected himself using a contract and having a relationship with Avery where they just ate and Avery talked, nothing else. Until a year later they both knew that something's gotta give, so then it starts the real relationship and the healing. Alejandro stops feeling guilty from laughing again, from being happy again and learns how to celebrate Gabrielle's little life, Avery gives him courage and love.
One thing though, the Spanish was bad 😂🤭❤. Alejandro's mom said: Tonto del Culo! ¿Qué es eso nena? Those phrases only come out when we're drunk because they don't make sense, please look for help when you're dealing with other languages, pleaseeeeee!
Anyway, I enjoyed it so much, I didn't want it to end and even though it doesn't say, this is a Holliday read made in a lovely special way of course.
Loved it! 💜❤
What happens when a person who mentally can't let go of things because of his OCD it's hit by a loss? Total clusterfuck, for 7 years Alejandro (love the name btw) was in pain and in a fog from grief until he meets Avery, a ray of sunshine who made him FEEL for the first time.
I wanted to hug Alejandro, to shield him, to feed him, something! The way Lindsey described his struggle with OCD and on top of that his grief it was just palpable, I could feel his despair, his fear of loving and loosing again, his reluctance to put himself out there because if it goes wrong he wouldn't be able to take it. I. FELT. THAT. GOD I need ice cream or something.
He protected himself using a contract and having a relationship with Avery where they just ate and Avery talked, nothing else. Until a year later they both knew that something's gotta give, so then it starts the real relationship and the healing. Alejandro stops feeling guilty from laughing again, from being happy again and learns how to celebrate Gabrielle's little life, Avery gives him courage and love.
One thing though, the Spanish was bad 😂🤭❤. Alejandro's mom said: Tonto del Culo! ¿Qué es eso nena? Those phrases only come out when we're drunk because they don't make sense, please look for help when you're dealing with other languages, pleaseeeeee!
Anyway, I enjoyed it so much, I didn't want it to end and even though it doesn't say, this is a Holliday read made in a lovely special way of course.
Loved it! 💜❤
December 14, 2020
I really enjoyed this, and was leaning towards a 4 star rating but bumped it down due to:
1. The really sloppy editing. Lots of typos, more than what is typically in an E.M Lindsey book.
2. Misunderstanding as a major conflict
3. The epilogue... though I never really like epilogues anyway.
1. The really sloppy editing. Lots of typos, more than what is typically in an E.M Lindsey book.
2. Misunderstanding as a major conflict
3. The epilogue... though I never really like epilogues anyway.
December 10, 2020
Oh wow! This is an amazing read with both Andre and Alejandro being strong and so real in there thoughts that are written on the page!
It like can feel the heartbreak and the love and the struggles!
I didn't quite need tissues but was close a few times. This does have a happy ending but I admit it took me longer to read than normal as I had to have a few breaks in between and read a fluff novel!
It like can feel the heartbreak and the love and the struggles!
I didn't quite need tissues but was close a few times. This does have a happy ending but I admit it took me longer to read than normal as I had to have a few breaks in between and read a fluff novel!
December 27, 2020
I really connected with this story - it was a sweet journey through emotion & mental health. Read it in one hit -so clearly hooked !
December 5, 2020
BEAUTIFUL 😭😍😭😍😭😍
Beautiful. I have no other words than beautiful. This was the most perfect and loveliest love story ever.
I knew at the beginning that it will destroy me and I was right. It wasn't angsty, but just to see and be in Alejandro's head, *sigh*. Perfect.
Loved Alejandro and I loved how well written his character were, and everything around him was just so real with emotions. I felt his grief and I hurt for him. Avery was the sunshine in his life and loved how they fit together perfectly.
I love daddy books, but I think this was my first sugar-daddy ever (but now I really need more). It was perfect, all the spoiling with expensive presents, while the only thing Avery wanted was love and intimacy.
The romance was so, so good! The anticipation and the no-touching and barely speaking from Alejandro's end, oh god. Slow burn with big sparkles and so much heat.
Loved, LOVED when Alejandro changed his mind and opened up for Avery. It was so pure and beautiful. Especially with Avery's little presents, and all those little touches. So good!
The age-gap was well written and I loved when they went to ice-skating and Avery was afraid of what others will think when they see them. The 30 year gap was so good. Loved it.
I can't tell how perfect this book is and how much I loved reading this book. So, so beautiful!
HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
Beautiful. I have no other words than beautiful. This was the most perfect and loveliest love story ever.
I knew at the beginning that it will destroy me and I was right. It wasn't angsty, but just to see and be in Alejandro's head, *sigh*. Perfect.
Loved Alejandro and I loved how well written his character were, and everything around him was just so real with emotions. I felt his grief and I hurt for him. Avery was the sunshine in his life and loved how they fit together perfectly.
I love daddy books, but I think this was my first sugar-daddy ever (but now I really need more). It was perfect, all the spoiling with expensive presents, while the only thing Avery wanted was love and intimacy.
The romance was so, so good! The anticipation and the no-touching and barely speaking from Alejandro's end, oh god. Slow burn with big sparkles and so much heat.
Loved, LOVED when Alejandro changed his mind and opened up for Avery. It was so pure and beautiful. Especially with Avery's little presents, and all those little touches. So good!
The age-gap was well written and I loved when they went to ice-skating and Avery was afraid of what others will think when they see them. The 30 year gap was so good. Loved it.
I can't tell how perfect this book is and how much I loved reading this book. So, so beautiful!
HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
December 21, 2022
I wanted something angsty and I wanted something holiday, and this definitely checked both boxes.
I really enjoyed this story, but I wish it was more finished. This reads like an almost-final draft. There are timeline and continuity issues throughout, around basic things like how long ago Alejandro's daughter died: at the start of the story it is 8 years ago; we fast-forward a year, and then sometimes we are in the proper timeline -- 9 years -- while other times we are still getting references to 8 years. Avery's age is referred to as 20 throughout; Alejandro's ex, Connor, has children of an age that make even the 9-years-ago timeline very tight if you account for the time it took to divorce, Connor's long grief-induced spiral, getting established with his new partner, and, you know, surrogacy and human gestation; Alejandro is referred to as being almost 50, but he would have had to get married at around 18 for that to be the case, which does not seem correct. There are also a lot of typos and a fair amount of pronoun confusion. This is fiddly stuff, really, but it's the type of thing that drives me up the wall and kicks me straight out of the story. Timeline stuff, especially. I don't wanna do math while reading!!!
(Seriously, though: I got this as a freebie and so I feel I can't really moan too much about these kinds of things, especially for a self-pubbed book that came out during the first year of the pandemic and seems to have been an unplanned, "I just need to get this story out in the world" kind of thing. I have a great deal of sympathy for that, and it undoubtedly accounts for the mistakes that crop up throughout. But I think it's relevant to point out because I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes bananas from these kinds of errors, and it does impact my enjoyment of the book.)
It's a shame, because there is a novel and touching story here: the hook is "sugar daddy with a twist," but this is really about Alejandro's grief journey and how this is complicated by his OCD and his accompanying belief -- which Alejandro knows is not based in fact, but is nonetheless real and crippling for that -- that somehow he is to blame for his daughter's cancer death, and that anyone he loves will also be afflicted by tragedy. The age gap is on the high end -- 30 years -- and is both central to the sugar daddy device and strangely peripheral: they both know how this appears from the outside, but neither man seems too concerned about it for their own sake. Avery has a somewhat less compelling arc, but he is still an interesting character: someone who gets in over his head but is also willing to live with the consequences of his actions and decisions. Once these two finally started communicating, I really liked their dynamic.
I will say I would have liked it better if Avery wasn't already in love with Alejandro before their first real connection a year into the relationship. Alejandro loving Avery silently and stoically makes sense; but while I could understand gratitude, liking, curiosity, attraction from Avery, it's hard to see how he could already consider himself in love with someone who gave him so little to work with. Alejandro is entirely withholding the first year; it seems he barely speaks. I quite like the idea that this means Avery has to study him closely, learning his tells and becoming extremely attuned to his non-verbal communication. But I think it would have been more compelling if Avery didn't tip over into love until he actually got something in return from Alejandro. But I guess it raised the stakes for Avery not wanting the contract to end, so it makes sense.
All in all -- a book that gave me the angsty holiday feels I wanted, but felt too rushed and unfinished to get into 4 or 5 star territory.
Content note: This is a heavy story where grief over the death by cancer of a child plays a central role.
I really enjoyed this story, but I wish it was more finished. This reads like an almost-final draft. There are timeline and continuity issues throughout, around basic things like how long ago Alejandro's daughter died: at the start of the story it is 8 years ago; we fast-forward a year, and then sometimes we are in the proper timeline -- 9 years -- while other times we are still getting references to 8 years. Avery's age is referred to as 20 throughout; Alejandro's ex, Connor, has children of an age that make even the 9-years-ago timeline very tight if you account for the time it took to divorce, Connor's long grief-induced spiral, getting established with his new partner, and, you know, surrogacy and human gestation; Alejandro is referred to as being almost 50, but he would have had to get married at around 18 for that to be the case, which does not seem correct. There are also a lot of typos and a fair amount of pronoun confusion. This is fiddly stuff, really, but it's the type of thing that drives me up the wall and kicks me straight out of the story. Timeline stuff, especially. I don't wanna do math while reading!!!
(Seriously, though: I got this as a freebie and so I feel I can't really moan too much about these kinds of things, especially for a self-pubbed book that came out during the first year of the pandemic and seems to have been an unplanned, "I just need to get this story out in the world" kind of thing. I have a great deal of sympathy for that, and it undoubtedly accounts for the mistakes that crop up throughout. But I think it's relevant to point out because I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes bananas from these kinds of errors, and it does impact my enjoyment of the book.)
It's a shame, because there is a novel and touching story here: the hook is "sugar daddy with a twist," but this is really about Alejandro's grief journey and how this is complicated by his OCD and his accompanying belief -- which Alejandro knows is not based in fact, but is nonetheless real and crippling for that -- that somehow he is to blame for his daughter's cancer death, and that anyone he loves will also be afflicted by tragedy. The age gap is on the high end -- 30 years -- and is both central to the sugar daddy device and strangely peripheral: they both know how this appears from the outside, but neither man seems too concerned about it for their own sake. Avery has a somewhat less compelling arc, but he is still an interesting character: someone who gets in over his head but is also willing to live with the consequences of his actions and decisions. Once these two finally started communicating, I really liked their dynamic.
I will say I would have liked it better if Avery wasn't already in love with Alejandro before their first real connection a year into the relationship. Alejandro loving Avery silently and stoically makes sense; but while I could understand gratitude, liking, curiosity, attraction from Avery, it's hard to see how he could already consider himself in love with someone who gave him so little to work with. Alejandro is entirely withholding the first year; it seems he barely speaks. I quite like the idea that this means Avery has to study him closely, learning his tells and becoming extremely attuned to his non-verbal communication. But I think it would have been more compelling if Avery didn't tip over into love until he actually got something in return from Alejandro. But I guess it raised the stakes for Avery not wanting the contract to end, so it makes sense.
All in all -- a book that gave me the angsty holiday feels I wanted, but felt too rushed and unfinished to get into 4 or 5 star territory.
Content note: This is a heavy story where grief over the death by cancer of a child plays a central role.
December 8, 2020
This is the kind of book that breaks your heart in tiny small pieces, crushes your soul and then... put it back in place, in the best way possible. I had to do little breaks to absorve the story and enjoy at its fullest. This has Elaine Lindsey trademark all over, so I would advise you to read with some tissues at hand. This is angsty as it come, and expect Alejandro and Avery to win your heart right from the start.
December 25, 2021
This really wasn’t an easy read at first. Alejandro’s grief is so visceral and profound, it’s gut-wrenching.
However, the way Avery melts down his walls and gets past his defenses is so beautiful. This reads sort of like beauty and the beast. Alejandro is entirely closed off with his pain, he hires Avery as his sugar baby because he craves connection. The yearning, the slow burn and the angst is so fucking good.
I’m docking a point because I disliked the use of misunderstanding as conflict. It doesn’t negate how much I enjoyed this book still though. Lindsey writes such rich and deep characters and dynamics, I really like their style!
However, the way Avery melts down his walls and gets past his defenses is so beautiful. This reads sort of like beauty and the beast. Alejandro is entirely closed off with his pain, he hires Avery as his sugar baby because he craves connection. The yearning, the slow burn and the angst is so fucking good.
I’m docking a point because I disliked the use of misunderstanding as conflict. It doesn’t negate how much I enjoyed this book still though. Lindsey writes such rich and deep characters and dynamics, I really like their style!
December 6, 2020
Elaine's method of storytelling has always resonated with me, and Alejandro and Avery's book was no exception.
What always stands out to me about Elaine's books is how compelling and almost addictive they are for me. Elaine's characters are so vividly lifelike that I can't help but be swept away by their thoughts and feelings, completely captivated by the storylines and desperate to see a happy ending. That's how Alejandro and Avery made me feel. I wasn't sure I could get past the third-person present tense this story uses, but as I got drawn into the confusing tangle of feelings Alejandro and Avery had for each other, I honestly couldn't have cared less what tense this book was in. These men, these complicated, damaged, emotional men completely captured my heart as they fumbled around each other. The way their relationship started off was so messy that I didn't know if there was any way for them to sort it all out without losing each other.
Despite how chaste the first half of this story was, Alejandro and Avery made up for it once they succumbed to their heated passion. It was thrilling to see touch-starved Avery get some of the affection he so desperately craved, and Alejandro was more eager and uncontrolled than I ever would have imagined. If there was even the tiniest part of me that wasn't convinced of how fully they loved each other, it was burned away by the intensity of their lovemaking. More than the electrifying sexual chemistry, seeing how at peace Alejandro and Avery were with each other made me yearn for them to make things official. These men definitely took a long time to get there, and they just about ripped my heart out on the way, but I can't deny how satisfying it was to see them living out their own version of paradise together.
**I voluntarily read an ARC of this book. This review expresses my honest thoughts and opinions.
What always stands out to me about Elaine's books is how compelling and almost addictive they are for me. Elaine's characters are so vividly lifelike that I can't help but be swept away by their thoughts and feelings, completely captivated by the storylines and desperate to see a happy ending. That's how Alejandro and Avery made me feel. I wasn't sure I could get past the third-person present tense this story uses, but as I got drawn into the confusing tangle of feelings Alejandro and Avery had for each other, I honestly couldn't have cared less what tense this book was in. These men, these complicated, damaged, emotional men completely captured my heart as they fumbled around each other. The way their relationship started off was so messy that I didn't know if there was any way for them to sort it all out without losing each other.
Despite how chaste the first half of this story was, Alejandro and Avery made up for it once they succumbed to their heated passion. It was thrilling to see touch-starved Avery get some of the affection he so desperately craved, and Alejandro was more eager and uncontrolled than I ever would have imagined. If there was even the tiniest part of me that wasn't convinced of how fully they loved each other, it was burned away by the intensity of their lovemaking. More than the electrifying sexual chemistry, seeing how at peace Alejandro and Avery were with each other made me yearn for them to make things official. These men definitely took a long time to get there, and they just about ripped my heart out on the way, but I can't deny how satisfying it was to see them living out their own version of paradise together.
**I voluntarily read an ARC of this book. This review expresses my honest thoughts and opinions.
December 10, 2020
This author has a way of writing characters that you just fall in love with. They make your heart ache with the pain and hurt they've been through, and all you want to do is tear through the pages to make sure they finally find the love, happiness, and peace they so well deserve. And even though this is a standalone holiday story, Heartbeat Repeating still managed to dish up a good dose of heartbreak and angst. The writing is beautiful and the emotions pour off the page. I could feel the grief enveloping Alejandro and the slow burn to love and intimacy with Avery created the perfect sense of anticipation. The no-touching and distance put in place by Alejandro, and the touch-starved Avery, fueled the fire until the it finally ignited in the most intense way. It was incredibly touching the way Alejandro slowly lets his walls come down with Avery as he finally realises that this man is his heart and soul. At the end I was just left in a total state of tranquility, and I thought it was absolutely perfect.
December 10, 2020
I loved this book, it was a wonderful holiday romance. Alejandro was a character with a complicated past but I really grew to like him very much. He is someone for whom life hasnt always been easy. Still, he doesnt give up. I really hoped he would find his happy ending! And I loved reading how he just did exactly that. Avery is a fantastic character too! At first they seemed like an unlikely couple, at least to me, but they really fit well and help each other. This isnt my first book by Elaine Lindsey so I know they like to write slow burn romances. What I especially liked about this one is how it started right in the middle with those two characters. We meet them both right at the first chapter. And it isnt really romantic at first, but those two, I really enjoyed reading this novel. All the feelings!
December 15, 2020
3.75
I'm going to admit that I have absolutely no idea how these two ended up falling for each other considering what their "relationship" entailed but I don't care because UGH all that tension and angst and pining got to me. The conflict at the end really came out of nowhere considering just how many issues these two had to work with but again, all that pining just worked for me.
I'm going to admit that I have absolutely no idea how these two ended up falling for each other considering what their "relationship" entailed but I don't care because UGH all that tension and angst and pining got to me. The conflict at the end really came out of nowhere considering just how many issues these two had to work with but again, all that pining just worked for me.
December 26, 2020
Intense
This was a very intense and exhausting story. The emotional waves and rollercoaster was very intense. Alejandro a tortured soul but once he allowed himself to feel to be loved and loved was beautiful!!
This was a very intense and exhausting story. The emotional waves and rollercoaster was very intense. Alejandro a tortured soul but once he allowed himself to feel to be loved and loved was beautiful!!
December 21, 2020
3.5 stars: good story but lots of telling at the beginning and needs a good proofreading
December 21, 2022
Hard to pin down
There were moments were this went deep into grief/loss/trauma/mental disorder(s), but then parts of it felt overly repetitive (if it was a repetition of OCD behaviors/thoughts that would make sense, but that wasn’t the repetitions that bothered me). There were some odd typos that took me out of the story momentarily, and the spice made sense but wasn’t as spicy as it sounded like it would be—but I’d rather character development over spice anyway so it evened out, it just seemed like the most interesting spice happened off page and was referenced later. Super minor thing, but both characters’ names starting with the same letter annoys me every time I see it. It was nice to see some Jewish representation, can’t remember he last time I read an MC was Jewish where antisemitism wasn’t a huge part of the plot. Overall, there was more depth than I expected, but it still feels like it’s missing something, though I can’t pin down what.
SPOILER [Miscommunication trope is one of my least favorite things, especially the way it was done here where something was overheard that had a very reasonable explanation—ie, there’s more than one kind of love and there was overwhelming proof he wasn’t getting back with his ex—so that part was frustrating and felt like a thin excuse to have one MC chase the other. While it was certainly Alejandro’s turn to do the chasing at that point in the story, it was absolutely a weak spot particularly since it really was entirely Avery’s fault for misunderstanding. Honestly lost a star for me both because of the trope itself and how it was executed.] END SPOILER
There were moments were this went deep into grief/loss/trauma/mental disorder(s), but then parts of it felt overly repetitive (if it was a repetition of OCD behaviors/thoughts that would make sense, but that wasn’t the repetitions that bothered me). There were some odd typos that took me out of the story momentarily, and the spice made sense but wasn’t as spicy as it sounded like it would be—but I’d rather character development over spice anyway so it evened out, it just seemed like the most interesting spice happened off page and was referenced later. Super minor thing, but both characters’ names starting with the same letter annoys me every time I see it. It was nice to see some Jewish representation, can’t remember he last time I read an MC was Jewish where antisemitism wasn’t a huge part of the plot. Overall, there was more depth than I expected, but it still feels like it’s missing something, though I can’t pin down what.
SPOILER [Miscommunication trope is one of my least favorite things, especially the way it was done here where something was overheard that had a very reasonable explanation—ie, there’s more than one kind of love and there was overwhelming proof he wasn’t getting back with his ex—so that part was frustrating and felt like a thin excuse to have one MC chase the other. While it was certainly Alejandro’s turn to do the chasing at that point in the story, it was absolutely a weak spot particularly since it really was entirely Avery’s fault for misunderstanding. Honestly lost a star for me both because of the trope itself and how it was executed.] END SPOILER
December 11, 2020
I am sadly disappointed.
The book started really, really good. It had a very good twist on the whole sugar daddy trope. And it was getting better. And better. I loved the characters, I really did.
And then came the "drama" part and it was bad. It was lazy. It was disappointing. I hate the trope EM used here. After that I was really just reading to finish the book, I lost all my interest.
I am still happy that Avery and Alejandro got their happy ending tho.
They deserve it.
Also, the author needs a better proof reader, there was plenty of mistakes that even I noticed.
The book started really, really good. It had a very good twist on the whole sugar daddy trope. And it was getting better. And better. I loved the characters, I really did.
And then came the "drama" part and it was bad. It was lazy. It was disappointing. I hate the trope EM used here. After that I was really just reading to finish the book, I lost all my interest.
I am still happy that Avery and Alejandro got their happy ending tho.
They deserve it.
Also, the author needs a better proof reader, there was plenty of mistakes that even I noticed.
February 6, 2021
Very well written
The authors detailed account of OCD as well as its part in grief after the loss of a child was very well written. It certainly made the reader feel what the main character was experiencing & how difficult it was.
This is a slow burn with romance between the hurt/comfort aspects. The few sex scenes were hot, another was off page. I picked this up thinking it was Daddy kink. It is not. One MC financially supports the other but it stops there. There is a roughly 30 year age gap between the MC which for me made the financial support more parental.
The authors detailed account of OCD as well as its part in grief after the loss of a child was very well written. It certainly made the reader feel what the main character was experiencing & how difficult it was.
This is a slow burn with romance between the hurt/comfort aspects. The few sex scenes were hot, another was off page. I picked this up thinking it was Daddy kink. It is not. One MC financially supports the other but it stops there. There is a roughly 30 year age gap between the MC which for me made the financial support more parental.
December 19, 2020
Ebook. What started off as being an extremely different captivating book ended with a cliche story that left me disappointed. There really needed to be more about his quirks and how together they adjusted throw them.
February 11, 2022
Overall I enjoyed this book, but there are parts I didn't quite like. But before I get into that, this is my first E. M. Lindsey book so I was unfamiliar with the writing style. No one ever mentions it (or I don't see any of the reviews that do), but most books are written in past tense, are they not? Here we have both past tense and present tense and while I really don't like the mixing of the two because it's usually done very badly, this time it actually made sense. However, because I kept going from present tense to past tense and vice-versa the book felt slower paced than it actually was. The story felt like dragging at times.
About the story itself, I half worried that this might be the first book of a series because I got invested into it and I would have wanted to read the sequel despite not being a fan of the writing (by the way, the book need some editing). It's not so much that I liked the story, but it was something new to me. Meaning the sugar daddy plot. I think I read something that had a similar situation before, but not quite.
I think I liked the main characters, but I couldn't quite connect with them. I think that's part because of the verb tenses. I don't know, the writing style sure made me put in more effort than necessary while reading this. The more time passes between me reading the book and writing this review (which is one day) the less I like it. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something off. There was some angst, but the story read too calm, too smooth sailing, too obvious. Even the conflict was so overused I was resigned while reading it, but also a bit disappointed.
What I did appreciate in this book was that the main characters actually stuck to what they decided for a while and not cave in after a few weeks like usually happens. That was weirdly refreshing. The whole period wasn't detailed, but I don't imagine there's much to write about it so maybe it's for the best. But I do have a bit of mixed feelings about it. On one hand, if in this format I felt the book was dragging, then that would have slowed things even more. On the other hand it might have added to the angst.
I'm not sure I want to try another E. M. Lindsey book, but at the same time I would have read if there would have been a sequel to this one. I might have also dropped it, though. As happy as this story tried to be, it makes me feel the opposite. It gave me a very short lasting high and now I feel almost bitter. 'Heartbeat Repeating' is not a book that makes me feel good things after reading it.
About the story itself, I half worried that this might be the first book of a series because I got invested into it and I would have wanted to read the sequel despite not being a fan of the writing (by the way, the book need some editing). It's not so much that I liked the story, but it was something new to me. Meaning the sugar daddy plot. I think I read something that had a similar situation before, but not quite.
I think I liked the main characters, but I couldn't quite connect with them. I think that's part because of the verb tenses. I don't know, the writing style sure made me put in more effort than necessary while reading this. The more time passes between me reading the book and writing this review (which is one day) the less I like it. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something off. There was some angst, but the story read too calm, too smooth sailing, too obvious. Even the conflict was so overused I was resigned while reading it, but also a bit disappointed.
What I did appreciate in this book was that the main characters actually stuck to what they decided for a while and not cave in after a few weeks like usually happens. That was weirdly refreshing. The whole period wasn't detailed, but I don't imagine there's much to write about it so maybe it's for the best. But I do have a bit of mixed feelings about it. On one hand, if in this format I felt the book was dragging, then that would have slowed things even more. On the other hand it might have added to the angst.
I'm not sure I want to try another E. M. Lindsey book, but at the same time I would have read if there would have been a sequel to this one. I might have also dropped it, though. As happy as this story tried to be, it makes me feel the opposite. It gave me a very short lasting high and now I feel almost bitter. 'Heartbeat Repeating' is not a book that makes me feel good things after reading it.
December 11, 2020
This was a wonderful story. Alejandro and Avery broke my heart, each for different reasons. The grief that wrapped around Alejandro kept him from living, and he just moved through the days with no hope of anything changing. When Avery came into his life, Alejandro felt some of the chaos in his mind ease. He offered to become Avery's sugar daddy to keep him around, for those moments of near peace.
Avery was not prepared for a sugar daddy who wouldn't touch or speak to him. He spent a year becoming more and more lonely and hurt, as he stuck with this agreement. After a year of this, something finally changed, and these men showed how much they needed each other.
I enjoyed this book, and both characters were so easy to care about from the very beginning. I couldn't stop reading once they finally started communicating. I would have like to see a few examples of their time together over the first year. There were times when Avery knew something about Alejandro, and I wondered how he knew that if Alejandro never talked to him. Other than that, I thought this was a very well written, heartbreaking, and eventually hopeful story. It was wonderful watching Alejandro slowly begin to heal from his devastating loss and come back to life. I loved seeing him begin to treat Avery with the care he deserved. I felt Avery's fear of things ending just when they were starting to get better.
I cared about these men early on, and I adored them by the end of the book. I love this romance.
Avery was not prepared for a sugar daddy who wouldn't touch or speak to him. He spent a year becoming more and more lonely and hurt, as he stuck with this agreement. After a year of this, something finally changed, and these men showed how much they needed each other.
I enjoyed this book, and both characters were so easy to care about from the very beginning. I couldn't stop reading once they finally started communicating. I would have like to see a few examples of their time together over the first year. There were times when Avery knew something about Alejandro, and I wondered how he knew that if Alejandro never talked to him. Other than that, I thought this was a very well written, heartbreaking, and eventually hopeful story. It was wonderful watching Alejandro slowly begin to heal from his devastating loss and come back to life. I loved seeing him begin to treat Avery with the care he deserved. I felt Avery's fear of things ending just when they were starting to get better.
I cared about these men early on, and I adored them by the end of the book. I love this romance.
December 3, 2020
I am voluntarily reviewing an ARC.
I've just finished this, and I'm still a little bit lost for words.
I'll start by saying this is probably one of the most heartbreaking books penned by this author in a while. There is so much grief and doubt here, and even though you know it will most likely work out, you are put through the wringer right along with Avery and Alejandro.
Avery is wise beyond his years but so young, and Alejandro is very closed off so this is a very slow burn, with a lot of miscommunication; the miscommunication never feels forced though, and you won't want to throw your e-reader in frustration or anything.
EM Lindsey is such an empathetic writer, who excels at creating characters who are just so damn human and relatable and real. Because of this, you can't help experiencing this story immersively; you never feel like you're watching from a distance.
The tension building is exquisite and the tension breaker is deftly and surprisingly handled (I was sure I knew what the tipping point would be and I'm usually right, but I was wrong this time which makes two for two with this author).
This is a standalone and does not require you to have read prior books by this author.
I've just finished this, and I'm still a little bit lost for words.
I'll start by saying this is probably one of the most heartbreaking books penned by this author in a while. There is so much grief and doubt here, and even though you know it will most likely work out, you are put through the wringer right along with Avery and Alejandro.
Avery is wise beyond his years but so young, and Alejandro is very closed off so this is a very slow burn, with a lot of miscommunication; the miscommunication never feels forced though, and you won't want to throw your e-reader in frustration or anything.
EM Lindsey is such an empathetic writer, who excels at creating characters who are just so damn human and relatable and real. Because of this, you can't help experiencing this story immersively; you never feel like you're watching from a distance.
The tension building is exquisite and the tension breaker is deftly and surprisingly handled (I was sure I knew what the tipping point would be and I'm usually right, but I was wrong this time which makes two for two with this author).
This is a standalone and does not require you to have read prior books by this author.
December 19, 2020
Reading Elaine's books, it always deals with one or more handicaps or disabilities. This time it tackles OCD, something I am familiar with. Alejandro Santos suffers from severe OCD and that has impacted his life severely. On top of that, his marriage broke down after the loss of their daughter Gabriel. His ex is now happy in a new relationship, but Alessandro is stuck in his grief. Then one day he notices Avery. A young and beautiful man who is doing a fundraising. On a whim, he proposes the young man a sugar daddy deal. They will meet up twice a week, but no touching, no seeing other people. Avery accepts, thinking he can do that and benefit from it for a year. And he does with a new apartment, a car, gifts and money. But what he hadn't counted on was falling in love with the much older man. He fights to see a smile, and soon he longs for his touch. But will Alejandro feel the same and give in to his own desires. It takes an ex husband and a trip home to his parents and a lot of miscommunication after that these two finally truly find each other. It's an amazing story and you can't help just falling in love with these two men. It shows you how deeply OCD can impact your life and how much a partner can have a steadying influence. They nailed it again with their writing.
December 6, 2020
This is by far the best story E.M Lindsay has wrote. It was so beautifully written she really did an amazing job with Alejandro's character. It was heartbreaking you really felt his suffering with his grief over the loss of his baby girl as well as dealing with his OCD. The way she wrote him with his daily challenges was such an eye opener into it. I have never watched, or read anything so real about people who have it. Her words were literal perfection.
Sweet sweet Avery how understanding he is without ever truly knowing the daily struggles of Alejandro. Their relationship is a true slow burn of Avery spending a year just talking while Alejandro offers nothing but a few words but mostly silence. When he finally opens up to Avery it is perfect. They're love making is off the charts hot hot hot. They're sweet together, the way Alejandro opens up to Avery taking him skating is so freaking adorable. I just adore them.
Highly highly recommend this story it really is beautiful.
Sweet sweet Avery how understanding he is without ever truly knowing the daily struggles of Alejandro. Their relationship is a true slow burn of Avery spending a year just talking while Alejandro offers nothing but a few words but mostly silence. When he finally opens up to Avery it is perfect. They're love making is off the charts hot hot hot. They're sweet together, the way Alejandro opens up to Avery taking him skating is so freaking adorable. I just adore them.
Highly highly recommend this story it really is beautiful.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 28, 2021
A good angsty May-December Sugar Daddy title
This title's a contemporary MM Romance standalone. There're May-December, Sugar Daddy /Sugar Baby relationship, Hurt-Comfort, Angst, dealing with prolonged severe grief, OCD as themes. HEA.
I often like this author's titles. I do like this one too. It felt pretty successful story one to me. Why not 5?
The fault lies first of all in me disliking present tense. It seems to disturb my reading a lot. It's just a matter of taste, there's nothing wrong with it. Then I felt either the sugar relationship part was spent either too much time with or too little with the rest / the situation resolved too fast and easy. Maybe I'm just being too picky because the present tense irritated me. I'd not want to be too strict about what was a good well-told story which I can recommend for fans and those who typically like books with these themes.
I liked the time and effort spent on giving readers a glimpse at grief.
This title's a contemporary MM Romance standalone. There're May-December, Sugar Daddy /Sugar Baby relationship, Hurt-Comfort, Angst, dealing with prolonged severe grief, OCD as themes. HEA.
I often like this author's titles. I do like this one too. It felt pretty successful story one to me. Why not 5?
The fault lies first of all in me disliking present tense. It seems to disturb my reading a lot. It's just a matter of taste, there's nothing wrong with it. Then I felt either the sugar relationship part was spent either too much time with or too little with the rest / the situation resolved too fast and easy. Maybe I'm just being too picky because the present tense irritated me. I'd not want to be too strict about what was a good well-told story which I can recommend for fans and those who typically like books with these themes.
I liked the time and effort spent on giving readers a glimpse at grief.
December 10, 2020
This was a phenomenal love story! E.M. Lindsey has a way of telling a story that will suck you in and not let you go until she has finished telling it. I was hooked into this story from the first sentence and did NOT put it down until I was done. Avery had no clue when he signed on the dotted line what being Alejandro’s sugar baby would entail. Alejandro was broken from his past, but Avery had a way of healing him. When they finally came together and was on the same page, I finally felt the tears stop! So freaking emotional. So many emotions!! The love between these two was palpable! This was such a beautiful, swoon worthy, romantic love story!! I am voluntarily leaving a review from an advanced copy that I was gifted from the author. Thank you so much for letting me read your art. My reviews are solely based on my thoughts and opinions.
December 12, 2020
This was not what I was expecting although that doesn't mean I didn't like it. It was a difficult book to read because so much of Alejandro's inner monologue is simply filled with grief and pain, to the point where I was overwhelmed more than once. I liked both characters although I had a very tough time believing that Avery could fall in love with a man who never, not once, spoke to him directly in an entire year. Their entire "relationship" involved meeting for dinner a couple of times a week where Avery did all the talking - usually bullshit about his day - and Alejandro listened. Granted, Avery is very good at deciphering body language but, still. Very unbelievable.
I don't regret reading it because I learned quite a bit about what being inside the mind of someone with significant OCD is like. It's difficult and painful, in more ways than one.
I don't regret reading it because I learned quite a bit about what being inside the mind of someone with significant OCD is like. It's difficult and painful, in more ways than one.
January 10, 2021
Slowwwwwwwwwwwww and angsty. I stuck with it because I usually like this author's storytelling, and I definitely did like some of the aspects of this one, but the pacing was painful. I don't mean in a slow-burn-romance sense, but just chapters and chapters of being buried in one character's head or the other's. Tons of tell-not-show had me feeling impatient, then skimming, and ultimately not able to get emotionally invested in all the painful on page stuff, as intended. There was NO reason shown for the characters to fall in love, just suddenly "I loved him".... . . . . .. um, why? Anyway, not my fave, but still an author I will come back to, and one that I appreciate tackles characters with mental and physical challenges ♡
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