Boinking Bizarro

by Brian Asman (Editor, Contributor), Danger Slater (Editor, Contributor), John Skipp (Contributor)

From the demented minds of Bizarro authors Danger Slater and Brian Asman comes Boinking Bizarro, an anthology of weird literary parodies. You’ve never seen the classics quite like this. We’ve taken that old, musty canon and dressed it up in lace, leather, and lipstick. Wowza!

In Boinking Bizarro, a glory hole attendant seeks to give his wife the family she deserves, a time-traveling professor gives blind poet John Donne a hand, a slick serial killer gets the tables turned on that ass, a PI delves into the mysterious goings-on at a whorehouse, the forgotten erotic ouevre of Alfred Horsecock is explored, a trip to Mars puts a cloned super-soldier in a seminally sticky situation, and how did they film the infamous orgy scene in that Stephan Kink clown movie, anyway? Dystopian futures, disaffected slang-spewing youth, sexy tortures, and rapidly-growing pubic hair abound!

Plus, Pinnochio’s big dick energy. Which is like this whole thing in and of itself.

If you’ve ever wanted to lose your virginity to the acrid scent of your mother’s burning corpse, this is the anthology you’ve been waiting for! And if not, get fucked.

Stories by:
Brian Asman
Danger Slater
John Wayne Comunale
Autumn Christian
Gina Ranalli
Betty Rocksteady
Christine Morgan
John Skipp
Whit Slorp
Cody Goodfellow
Chad Stroup
Charles Austin Muir
Michael Allen Rose
Max Booth III
Lucan Mangum
Chandler Morrison
Amy Vaughn
Jessica McHugh

“Literature is just porn without the honesty”--Charles Buttkowski

Genres: Short Stories

138 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 1, 2020

About the author

Brian Asman is a writer, actor, and director from San Diego, CA. He’s the author of the forthcoming expanded edition of Man, F*ck This House (and Other Disasters) as well as Good Dogs, Our Black Hearts Beat as One, I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today, Neo Arcana, Nunchuck City, Jailbroke, and Return of the Living Elves. He’s recently published short stories in American Cannibal, The Dark Waves of Winter, DreadPop, Pulp Modern, Kelp, and comics in Tales of Horrorgasm.

A film he co-wrote and produced, A Haunting in Ravenwood, is available now on DVD and VOD from Breaking Glass. His short “Reel Trouble” won Best Short Film at Gen Con 2022 and Best Horror Short at the Indie Gathering.

Brian holds an MFA from UCR-Palm Desert. He’s represented by Dunham Literary, Inc.

Find him on social media (@thebrianasman) or his website www.brianasmanbooks.com.

Reviews

[Ayden Perry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review of “Boinking Bizarro” edited by Brian Asman and Danger Slater.

The things that drew me to this book were the cover, the synopsis and knowing some of the authors in it. The cover and synopsis were both equally hilarious and I wanted to dive into some funny weird shit. I was extremely curious as to how these authors could twist the classics and how fucked up they could be. I was surprised to find there a mix of stories and not all were funny. It’s not a bad thing at all. My curiosity was in full force and I was full steam ahead to find out how these stories would turn out. I’ll list my favorites out of the 18 stories in this collection.

The Craven by Edgar Allen Pole by Danger Slater for the opening was hilarious as he talked about how Lenora died and checked out girls in a catalog. I found it to be the perfect opening story.

The Receiving Tree by Shel Silverpeen by John Wayne Comunale. I don’t want to be a part of any receiving end of this story. It hit the gross factor and I wanted to vomit. I’m sure that is what he was going for and he achieved it!

Nighteen Eighty-fuck by George Whorewell by Cody Goodfell. This story turned a horrific classic and made it even more horrific. I also learned a new term. Yes, I feel like a child. Thank you.

American Sly-Ho by Breast Eatin’ Ellis by Jessica McHugh was a fun slasher piece. I didn’t see that ending coming.

The Bush Jar by Sapphia Plath by Gina Ranalli. This was one I found really interesting and made me think of a scene from The Evil Dead. I also found it disgusting cause I hate hair. I’m not sure if the disgusting part was by accident though.

Not-So-Little Women by Louise May Alcock by Whit Slorp was a saucy story but on the weird side.

Also the author bios for the dirty classic names had me cracking up! This was a lot of fun. As with most short story collections there are always a handful I love and on the other hand just didn’t work for me. I gave this collection 3 ⭐️.

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, I'm in this, so, bias, obviously. Even so, leaving out my own contribution, I really enjoyed this book. Five stars for entertainment value and execution. Laugh-out loud hilarity on every page and each author brought something unique, clever and well-written to the table for a book with such an ashamed, lowbrow premise. Nothing dialed in here, and the porn parody author names (Emily Getta Dickinson, Breast Eatin' Ellis!) are as much part of the fun as the porn-style parodies of "the great works of literature" in the stories. If you're not beneath such vulgarity and ridiculousness, and you need some laughter in your fancy schmancy TBR pile, this book is for you.

[Aaron McQuiston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if someone made an anthology of stories stemming from sitting around with friend and making sex puns for every piece of classic literature and author name? Boinking Bizarro is this anthology.

Edited by bizarro heroes Danger Slater and Brian Asman, Boinking Bizarro is filled with every indie horror and bizarro author you should be reading. The concept of the anthology is a little silly, but the execution is valid. Every single author is worth reading on his/her/their own merit. Like any anthology, there are some stories that I like more than others, but you can also see how each author brings their own individual style and voice to their piece.

The kindle edition of this collection is about $5. This means that you only need five reasons to pick this up and read it. Here are five of the best stories that mean you should read it now (Even though these stories are worth much more than $1):

1. “A Bird Came Up My Walk and I Put It In My Vagina” by Emily Getta Dickinson, written by Amy Vaughn.

Amy Vaughn, one of the editors of Babou 691, gives an account of how Emily Getta Dickinson writes her poetry (It’s not what you think.) I think about this story more than any of the others and it makes me chuckle to myself throughout the day.

2.“Nineteen Eighty-Fuck” by George Whorewell, written by Cody Goodfellow

This take on George Orwell’s classic, “1984” by award-winning author Cody Goodfellow, is almost a reverse of the original. I think I like this version better.

3.“Whorehouse of Skeeves” by Clark Z Analewski, written by Chad Stroup

“House of Leaves” by Mark Z Danielewski is one of those memorable novels so I was interested in seeing what the author of a novel called, “Sexy Leper” would do with it. His idea is great and his homage to “House of Leaves” is spot on.

4.“The Man in the Iron Gimp-mask” by Alexhandjob Dumas, written by Christine Morgan

This is probably one of the most complete stories in the anthology. Christine Morgan is a new author on my radar, and I will definitely be looking for more of her work.


5. “A Clockwork Whoreange” by Antitty Pervness, written by Michael Allen Rose.

Michael Allen Rose pretty much retells the story of “A Clockwork Orange” in its entirety within six pages. The writing is skillful and honest to the original work. I will be preordering Michael Allen Rose’s newest book “Jurassichrist” when I finish this review.

These are five reasons to spend five dollars on this anthology, and really I do not even scratch the surface of the talent that grace the pages of this ridiculously deviant collection. You are simply a prude if you don’t buy it, and you don’t want to be a prude do you?

[Frank · Rating 4 out of 5]

BOINKING BIZARRO is an anthology filled with some of today's very best bizarro fiction authors offering their pastiche pieces on some of today's smut fiction writers that don't exist but really should.

BOINKING BIZARRO is a rare anthology that doesn't contain a single dud in the bunch. Some of the sleezy homage pieces are dirty short takes on the originals. Others play loosely goosey and oh-so-juicy with the host work and still others play hard and fast with the rules and make something all their own. And it all works together brilliantly in an themed anthology that does not beat you over the head with the master theme like many others will.

While my tendency is to highlight the top three to five stories in a given anthology, I'm going to pass this time. Each story is equally as brilliant as the next. Skip none, read them all and have a great laugh while you marvel and the untethered creative that abounds in BOINKING BIZARRO.

There's definitely enough rope to offer several move volumes of this concept. I hope to see at least one more in the future.

[John Lynch · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book. Damn. That could sum it up. This book is absolutely hilarious. Every story you think to yourself WTF am I even reading. Consistently gross, consistently funny. I loved the literary porn theme to this and how all of the authors wrote under spoof names. The standout stories for me were

“The Craven” by Danger Slater
“My cock also rises” By Chandler Morrison
“The Receiving Tree” by John Wayne Communale
“Post Orifice” by Brian Asman
“The Thottery” by Autumn Christian

Please. Slater, Asman and DHP I need this to be a yearly thing.

[Brandi · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you don’t know what Bizarro is, this is the perfect introduction to the genre. Trust me. Or maybe don’t. Just buy the book and then brace yourself, because it’s going to get weird. Real weird. No, weirder than that. Keep going. A little more. Just kidding, a lot more. Think you’ve reached peak weirdness? Wrong. It gets weirder. Luckily, the stories are all fairly short, so you can take a break when you need to (get more snacks, get some more lube, whatever you need – just don’t forget to hydrate) and then dive back in.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Consistently WTF. And you’ll keep reading it anyway.