Speaking the Truth in Love: How To Be an Assertive Christian

by Kenneth C. Haugk, Ruth Koch

Jesus lived assertively. Jesus' disciples (that is all of us) need to live assertively, too. SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE invites you to experience the freedom and joy of Christian assertiveness. You will discover how a scriptural understanding of assertive living builds healthy relationships with others, in groups, and in congregations. This deeply spiritual and extremely practical book makes **what assertiveness is; **the biblical foundation for assertiveness; **how to make, refuse, and negotiate requests; **how to express and receive compliments; plus, **fourteen other essential topics. SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE will also show you how to handle anger, criticism, and other tough relational issues. You will learn practical ways to relate to others with greater honesty, compassion, and respect.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Self Help, Religion, Communication, Relationships

199 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1992

Reviews

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as part of my Stephen Ministry training, but it is helpful information for everyday life as well. This book teaches assertiveness in our relationships and intereactions. As opposed to being passive (quiet, taken advantage of) or aggressive (mean, sarcastic), this book teaches a balanced way of reacting to anger, criticism, compliments, requests, and other areas of our life. I especially liked the many examples of dialog offered in this book which helped me identify areas where I could really apply what I was learning. Reading this book will help me as a counsellor and in all of my intereactions. I believe that anyone could benefit from the wisdom in this book. It is one that I will pick up and reference in the future as well.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Required reading for Stephen Ministry training. Most of the concepts in this book weren't new to me, and the dull writing style made it hard to read. But it was valuable in that it called me to think more about what it means to be assertive (ie, not aggressive, not passive, not passive-aggressive) in day-to-day interactions on every level. It made me think daily on how and when to set boundaries, and remember that assertiveness is NOT a selfish thing, but a healthy and respectful way of relating to each other. I do recommend this book - just be prepared to not really find valuable information and insight until you reach about the halfway point. At least, that was my experience.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading for class - a bit dated but still lots of good information!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this for a women's leadership retreat. This book finds its foundation in biblical teachings, but it is so wise and practical that anyone of any faith can benefit from it. The book examines three dysfunctional communication styles -- passive, aggressive, and the ever-popular passive-aggressive -- and then provides practical skills for not only communicating assertively but also knowing how to "assertively choose" when to be passive or aggressive (yes, there are appropriate times for both).

[Beki Eikum · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO HELPFUL in defining the difference between communication that is passive, aggressive or *assertive*. The chapters on anger (dealing with other people's & dealing with your own) were treasures. Love how it took scriptural examples of Jesus to define what healthy communication looks like in many situations. Big truth with big love!

[Kelsey Scholz · Rating 5 out of 5]

So this book was admittedly a little dry, but I have probably recommended it to 10+ people just in the course of random conversation. It unburdened me greatly, as I was able to realize that being passive is NOT loving or respectful of others. I was able to reconcile many of the biblical “misunderstandings” I had about Jesus seeming passive and encouraging people to be doormats. (Ie: turn the other cheek, etc.) Jesus didn’t let people walk all over him, he assertively encouraged them to handle their issues with him in the appropriate way while not retaliating in an aggressive way. Strongly recommend reading for anyone struggling with boundaries or assertiveness!

[Empress5150 · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Gentle Jesus, meek and mild"? Forget it!

This book, read for my Stephen Ministry Training, provides insight, instruction and practical tools for how to behave respectfully assertive.

Passive behavior? Bleh. Aggressive behavior? Bad. Passive-aggressive behavior? Blind sighting.

Respectfully assertive = bingo.

I'm already finding opportunities to put these wonderful tools in action.

[Paula Montgomery · Rating 4 out of 5]

The premise of this book is to be assertive and to be truthful with one another in all your dealings. It is based on the verse from Ephesians, "Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ." Clearly, this is a time when truth is needed, but it doesn't have to be shouted to be heard. The book is helpful in thinking about how to be assertive in a positive way without hurting others.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

FANTASTIC HELPFULL INFO FOR HELPING ONE SELF AS WELL AS OTHERS!!

[Lori C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great training for Stephen Ministry & life in general

[Robin Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

If only I’d read this book forty years ago. Life changing for me.

[Roger Smitter · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title raises a major problem: How do we show the truth while showing love to others, especially how to deal with people who have hurts us. The authors focuses on what the Bible tells, working mostly with the words of Jesus. Authors Koch and Hauck present an "assertive lifestyle" that is anchored in Biblical sources, with a focus on how Jesus dealt with the problems He faced with a range of people.

The strength of the book is that the authors do a good job of presenting Biblical messages in a way that has value to a wide range. Certainly there's no theme about becomng a Christian as it too often is presented on TV and in some churches.

At the same time, the book presents an outline of advice. The book would work best with a group that could fill some details. It would work best in a small group of readers who have some knowledge of Christianity and are given many opportunities to ask questions.

[Deanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is phenomenal. As an overcoming people pleaser, I was blessed by this book and was truly able to recognize how my tendencies have stewarded my life in a variety of ways; both good and bad. And I am encouraged by knowing that the LORD desires to help and guide me in every area of my life, including my communication skills.

He desires for me and many of us to live assertively and to speak the truth in love according to His Word. Although, this book is older than I am its content is still revelant and I love the break down of how Jesus lived assertively and the expansion upon the Scriptures truly enlightened me.

It’s safe to say that I am committed to growing more courageously and boldly in my communication and relationships with others all for the Glory of God. To anyone who thinks it’s too late to make a change in your style of communication: read this book and I’m sure you will change your mind! God bless you, and happy reading!

[AddyF · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm currently in Stephen Ministry training, and several of Haugk's books are required reading. I'm seeing a pattern in how I struggle to rate his books. His content gets a solid 4 every time, but delivery gets a 3 from me. There is a lot of over-teaching and clinical delivery in his style, but the content is excellent. This book in particular will surely prove to be life-changing for me. The content focuses on the differences between being passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, or assertive, with assertive being the goal. I am applying this information to my life every day and using it to evaluate how I relate to others and how they relate to me.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will easily become a regular resource for me. I tend to be very passive, holding back my thoughts and feelings, particularly if I know others will disagree or it involves sharing a hard message. I want to keep the tips shared on assertive communication at the ready. As I read the book, I recognized so many opportunities to put them into practice.

I read this book as part of Stephen Ministry training but there are lessons to be learned for any and all relationships we have. We owe it to the people we love (even the people we like or don't like) to be honest, concise, and direct in a loving way. This book gives lots of practical advice on how to do just that.

[Mr. V · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good read about speaking with assertiveness to people about your christian faith. Assertiveness is not aggression. This is explained on how to live the assertive life as a Christian. I feel this book can help with sales as well because it focuses on how to speak with people. You can speak with authority and respect for others at the same time. Think about the words you use when expressing yourself.

[Ryan Eperjesi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book tactfully explained the importance of assertiveness in the Christian life in that in honors others and ourselves to stand firmly and respectfully for what is right. A life of appropriate assertiveness results in one that resembles Jesus’ strength, gentleness, and purity. I would highly recommend this book for anyone looking to improve their interpersonal skills if they believe themselves to be either too passive or too aggressive in their relational style.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read an updated version of this book for a Stephen Ministry preparation class. It was interesting and helpful. Some of it was obvious to me, but other parts were very insightful about how we communicate with one another. This is a great resource for those wanting to grow in their relationships and mature in your communication skills.

[David Patterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

The language and examples in the book are a little outdated but the concepts are not. I found that I had practiced the concepts on and off throughout my life and when I did, I was more successful and content. I will keep this as a reference on the top of my desk going forward.
I am thankful to Stephen Ministries for having me read this book as part of my training.

[David Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first saw this book, I wasn’t very excited about it. But it has really taken me by surprise and has been rocking my world. I haven’t come across this material of assertive v. passive or aggressive, and I’m finding it very applicable and helpful. There is a lot here that I am and will be working on putting into practice!

[Laura L. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read the book slowly to absorb the information. I felt there was a lot of repetition and for that reason I rated it a three. Good information for someone that is passive and has trouble asserting themselves correctly. I don’t think it was really helpful for me; after reading I felt I do pretty well at expressing my viewpoints.

[Hilary Treat · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Pretty helpful info! I wasn’t taught anything about passive, aggressive, or assertive behavior growing up. So I found this book pretty informative. I’m assuming others who are more familiar with these behaviors might not need to read this because it has a “beginner’s” feel to it.

[David Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A clear help book, contrasting assertive, passive and aggressive styles of relating and responding to people so good personal relations can be maintained. The book includes teaching, scripture and practical examples.

[Mary Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

As part of my Stephens Ministry training, I read this book. Best description of the passive vs aggressive vs assertive behavior dynamic I have ever read. Seeing myself as a disciple to Jesus’ assertive character was a very different perspective. WWJD.

[Dave Wright · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book shares ways to be assertive in communication, but in a loving way. It talks about when and where to be more assertive, what to say, how to say it,how to make requests, and how to take and receive criticism.

[Sally Andrews · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought a lot of this was common sense. Perhaps others learned more than I. Not a bad book; just not as helpful as I'd hoped. Maybe that means I've mastered a lot of this already! I hope so, in Jesus' name!

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Christ follower should read this!! Especially if you grew up thinking that to be the most Christian you can be means that you be the nicest person you can be and/or say "yes" to every request made of you.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read his newest edition, Caring Assertiveness, which is not listed in Goodreads yet. Many good tips, but the one that resonated with me is that when confronting someone, it may take awhile for the person to hear and process your words. Give it time and prayer.

[Rose Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s Christian Assertiveness and learn to Speak the Truth in Love because we are sinners in a sinful world of sinners.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there is some seriously questionable theology presented in this work, overall it's a good assessment of how to behave in more assertive ways.