Between Queens and the Cities

by Niranjan Kunwar

Between Queens and the Cities is the riveting tale of a 19-year-old Nepali gay man and his long journey from Kathmandu to New York and back. Set against the backdrop of contemporary Nepal, the author reveals, with elan and ease, queer spaces where friendships are fostered outside the normalcy accorded to family and marriage. In the process, he introduces many fellow travellers of the LGBTIQ community. With rare courage and outrageous emotional honesty, the author lays bare the ceaseless conflict of the mind and heart in exploring sexuality. He also compels the reader to interrogate dominant notions regarding love and longing and in doing so, reveals dynamic relationships that are not confined to the realm of queer intimacy alone. This memoir on the shaping of queer identity in the South Asian context bristles with deeper questions regarding belonging.
“By showing us how he negotiated a life for himself, Kunwar helps queer Nepalis reimagine their lives anew. He also shows all of us Nepali society as we have never seen it before: young, dynamic, open, and urbane. There is hope yet for social change.” -Manjushree Thapa, Author of Forget Kathmandu
“Brave and beautifully written.” --Samrat Upadhyay, Author of Arresting God in Kathmandu

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography

324 pages, Paperback

First published November 13, 2020

Reviews

[Richa Bhattarai]

This is one of my favorite titles ever for a book, so symbolic and poetic. I just wish we could live in a world that unquestionably respected people’s sexual/gender identities and choices. Everyone should sing their songs. 🏳️‍🌈

[Mohit Rauniyar · Rating 5 out of 5]

'No one sings our songs!'

I have been trying to collect all my emotions together after reading this book and trying to put them in this little box, but quite frankly, it is a tough ask. Although I am going to make an effort to express my feelings in words because that's one of the things that I have learned from the author not just by reading this book, but something he has taught me constantly for the past 6 years.

This book is BOLD and HONEST! I never expected to read the author's memoir to this level of openness. Not only has the author done a great job of talking about the different layers of relationships he has had throughout his life, but also, he was able to take us through all the conflicted emotions he had in the process. The stories are well crafted, be it the Sholay Nights or having tea in Patan. I have always admired how the author makes the simplest things incredibly beautiful, and that is reflected even in the most uneventful stories in this book. Some of these stories made me laugh, but some also sent me through an emotional ride of heavy contemplation.

Some might say that the author has had a relatively easier ride coming from a privileged background, but I do not think that is the book's point. The author's courage to talk about his sexuality and all the instabilities that he faced will definitely serve as a great inspiration for many people. The fear and anxiety he has had regarding his sexuality and the need for acceptance and love from his close-ones will be a connector for many people reading this. This book is probably more than just a book. It is perhaps a lifejacket for all those people drowning in the acceptance of their identities.

A definite must-read!

Ps. 'Stories can save lives.'

[Pramisha K.C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relating to a memoir of a gay man whose story in the book begins just three years after I was born, and had been to more cafes and clubs and events in the 2000s than I have in the 2010s and 20s combined was certainly not something I was expecting from this book. But somehow there are things, the longing, the sense of not belonging anywhere, the being isolated from the very people you want to accept you the most, things like that find their way. Sometimes during my read I wondered, why the story just jumps from one cafe to another and another and another, but then I realise it is so because the writer himself was jumping from one cafe, one club, one room to another in search of something because he never had one place he could safely land to. The title makes itself clear that way. For someone who has lived abroad a while and counted days, saved for vacations to come home, only to find that home is overrated, an illusion in your mind of some place and people where everything is fine and you are always welcome, because it looks so from afar, but when present there in the moment all the cracks start appearing on zooming in and realising the home you long for and the you the home longed for was just the image you created in your own heads, this hit hard. Its a feeling you cannot explain to those whose pictures are perfect from all angles and any distance. You spend years in a foreign land longing to be back home and two days in, you wonder if you were better off there, but there is never really one place that you is actually the home you want, need and deserve. Or it at least takes you a huge chunk of your life to find that home. These are the things I found familiar, even in a book I thought I would never find myself in.

My perception of this book changed with the last 70 pages or something, heavily. Up until then it was a good book, surely, but it was just a memoir of one gay man from one specific kind of family describing his personal war within. And that would have been a good book in itself, a stand alone. But when the writer really checked his privileges, took the first book of its kind being written in Nepal and went beyond his own story to reach the community and bring stories that were somehow so different and yet somehow so similar to that of his own, that is when this book really earned my utmost respect. The "No one sings our songs..." that began with his story and just went on and on with more of the "our" being woven to that string, all while taking the chance he had at singing the song, it was one of the best decisions this writer made in this writing process. I don't know if that was the motive from the beginning or he felt like there were more stories to be told, but I am glad he made that choice.

[Kabeeta Pathak · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was about time someone wrote these stories. Honest and profound. Every youngster and everyone should give it a read this. ❤️

[Kriti K.C · Rating 5 out of 5]

The challenges and the struggles that the author faced as well as the journey he took to identify and redefine his identity following every major change are the heart of this book. It is wonderfully engaging and a mix of everything, drama, emotions, pain, relationships etc. I am totally amazed and appreciate the author's courage in sharing his personal and intimate experiences with the world. Some are hilarious, some are heart-wrenching and painful.

The memoir is refreshingly candid and will definitely be an inspiration and provide a light of hope to many. I hope that every individual will be able to embrace their identities without any painful activity and that they get to experience the taste of true freedom with their families in their own homes not away from it.

A MUST READ.

[Simran Silpakar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspired and moved-A must-read! It took a few deep breaths to take in the powerful voice of the book. It's a memoir written from more than one voice that will guide and connect to many voiceless and suppressed.

Few moments were exciting and fun (cannot miss mentioning Sholay Nights), some were gloomy and for some, I don't know how to put in words. The featured stories at-last were heart-rending but equally important to share that definitely raises awareness about issues that the majority of our society turns a blind eye and deaf ears to. 

Cannot miss mentioning how simpler things in life were well appreciated by the author, for instance, avocado trees, sunsets, meetups, bhattis, stroll around Patan, etc. I am definitely gonna enjoy Patan, and Jhamel even more. 🌈 🌈

[Gaurav Basnyat · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read.

[Strophicus Strophifox]

Life really is a journey and everyone experiences it differently. Outside forces tell you when you should be doing certain things and how you should do it. “𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬” could be a lifeline to those that feel isolated because of who they are and how they feel (one that author himself didn’t have while growing up). In order to achieve this he shares memories and stories from his own life. Some are funny, others are painful, but each is 100% candid. I was impressed with how open he was in bearing his scars to the world, and I appreciate how he shared the most intimate pieces of himself.
🌻
It was, therefore, hard to read at times; but it packed such a powerful punch and is a beautiful memoir that touched on intersection of being queer and becoming an adult (among many things). Because of these elements it is compulsively readable. It was hard to read because it felt personal. The spectrum of our tantrums can be as broad as our identities. I am only just beginning to see/manage it. This book was helpful.
🌻
There is rawness in his storytelling that, I think, will reach most people who will pick up this book. I recommend it to not just to ones going through something similar, but to the people around them. This book gives a glimpse at how important it is to uncrate the layers and layers of masculinity and marginalized existence. It is an interrogation of compulsory heterosexuality and crushing gender-centric expectations, a kaleidoscope of intergenerational storytelling, and cultural connectedness. It is a love letter to everyone who is trying to find their true identity. You will pause and think.
🌻

[Prabin Dhungel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is/was a one-of-a-kind memoir penned with heart by a person identifying as LGBTIQA representative. Nepalese society is gradually opening up to recognizing members of this community. Being an ardent bookaholic (thank god I am not an alcoholic fella; else I would have zero bucks to buy books) and occasional musing writer, I had written my feeling about this book. I have not encountered a similar tete-a-tete written as a book by a person of words, by a Nepali individual.

Talking about this book is a beautifully crafted memoir with personal narratives and tidbits about coming to terms with one's identity as a Gay man, tribulations, and fear of what others gonna say, the first encounter with the world of the web, maiden trip to India, camaraderie and meetings with fellow community members, work profiles here and abroad; as well as the experiences while roaming the streets, corner, and nature of different countries. This book is beautiful as it takes readers on an external travel across different places like India, New York, Istanbul, etc., as well as a journey inside the mind of an individual identifying oneself as a Gay man ( inner feelings, desires, dreams, aspirations, emotional ups and downs, and whatnot). The narratives of fear, temporary distancing from family and fellow friends, connection and disconnection, and flow of personal storytelling are wonderful.

While reading this memoir, I felt as if I was being a part of the author's actions, like listening to calming music during a long commute, working as a teacher in a NY public school, sipping coffee, devouring American meals, living a certain lifestyle in the West as an immigrant, feeling unhappiness, isolation, and disconnection from the motherland. The taxing transition from darkness to lightness, tears and fears to jubilation and gradual openness, longing, a quest for belongingness, and finding oneself in a genuine sense have been beautifully presented in the memoir.

No matter how we perceive ourselves and what we accomplish in life, there's always gonna be this nagging thought, consciousness, inside us that fear what and how others gonna treat/mistreat/ perceive us). But, very few of us dare to shutter off those nagging thoughts, decide to seek alternate ways and find solace in chasing after one's passions. I have to assert that though the book has stronger details and narratives in the first half, that curiosity and hunger to know more sometimes stopped the rhythmic flow due to bogged-down details. Or maybe, this might have happened as I expected a stronger flow in the second half; after consuming the content within the first half. Nonetheless, the book includes the struggle for identity, realization, and subconscious seeking of others and society's approval, worrying thoughts, and depressing, mundane thoughts inside our heads.

The book captures and compares the author's lifestyle, work profile, involvement, gradual networking, and so on in the States and Nepal. I like the part about how it felt freer over there, as people there have more on their plates than barking, spewing venoms, and taking a deep interest in other fellow's life, career and romance/ marriage, etc. The author expressed how it feels more riveting, fulfilling, and much more secure in one's person, sans negative judgment and remarks from others. This memoir is also a testament to how our journeys, exploration of different societies, circles, and communities, communication, and networking with individuals with differing ideologies, aims, interests, etc. emotional pains, highs, moods, etc., affect and mold our personalities. I love how he related his life and identity to that of Istanbul, a close, imperfect mix of the West and the East, with major confusion and lack of clarity for the same.

Though this memoir is written from the POV of a Gay man, all of us can find bits and pieces of ourselves in this: a quest for identity, zeal, and hunger to prove our mettle to naysayers, sadness, sense of depression, and emotional frailty, loneliness despite being a part of a pack, instability, and above all, dreams and aspirations for a good life. Above all, this book is an attempt for the writer to dare to defy the odds, fight continuously for identity, dignified representation, respect for the people of this community, and an act of courage to come out from the shell/ veil/ shield.

The author used his real name instead of opening up with a pen name. Admire the background tales and a peek into the lives and struggles of other community members like Bhakti, Sandhya, Rukshana, etc.

[Pratiksha Rajopadhyaya · Rating 4 out of 5]

"What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in this world?"

I remember Niranjan Kunwar asking us this question in a poetry workshop back in 2021. That's when I learnt about this book, and I finally read it, and oh what a treat it was!

I have always believed that there's tremendous power in a person being vulnerable enough to share their story for the world to read. It is an art of courage to reflect back on your experiences, your struggles, and share the entries with an open heart. The heart of this book is the writer's vulnerability. He writes these vignettes with such honesty and nakedness that you almost feel as though he is speaking directly to you, like the people he talks about are people you know, and you're having these experiences with him.

There's extravagance in simplicity. And the stories the writer shares are stories of simplicity, of everyday life, that so many of us deal with, and move past. But not so often are able to reflect back on its extravagance. That fight with your parents, that person you met for coffee, the tension with your relatives, the fear of things changing, or your friends moving on from you - things are all the things you experience, but the writer finds a way to extract the the most reflective learnings from all these interactions and emotions, and find the answers in-between.

While the heart of the book is it's vulnerability, the stories at the end of the book is the strength. The writer highlights the stories of so many other people who have been othered or marginalized because of their gender and sexuality and brings them in the forefront, and I think that added more power to the book.

With all of this and more, the book is a learning experience - of a person taking power of their being, and their sexuality. If you haven't already, please pick up this book.

I've lost a lot of me because I've tried to survive. But this book taught me that you find a lot more of you if you try to thrive, instead of just survive.

[Eskay · Rating 4 out of 5]

The way he writes, it tastes like honey on my tongue. The book had me cry, had me laugh, and made me feel seen; not because of my sexual or gender orientation either, but because it speaks so well of that longing - to find an anchor, to belong, of the inevitable changes that life brings, and that disorienting feeling of swimming through uncertainties.

I would've given the book a 5 star, if it weren't for the second half. The first half of the book was every bit worth 5 stars. In the second half, I felt like the book was bogged down with so many details that the thread of the story was lost at times. I'm not sure I needed to know things like how yanan brought clear liquid in a plastic bottle and captioned the Facebook post so and so, and other such details. I wondered if the earlier part was based on memory and so the mind had already done the job of filtering out the extraneous details, so that every bit remembered was ripe with juice, whereas the second half over-relied on daily journals and the husk stayed on with the yield.

Regardless, I would recommend this book to anyone who asked.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up because I wanted to read a book by a Nepalese writer, and I was interested in a memoir which wasn't 'I move to America and my life gets better'. This memoir is about the author, a gay Nepalese man, moving to America and then back again as he tries to find a place in the world for him and dealing with his sexuality. I read this in one sitting, which I really wasn't expecting. The writing style was incredibly easy to get on with, and I liked how it skimmed over some things and then focused on other things. 

However, by the end of the book, there was a lot more skimming over things, like 'I did this job, met these people and did these things' rather than focusing on what exactly happened and how he felt about some things. I eventually stopped being able to tell the difference between some names because he met so many people. 

I would recommend this. 4 stars! 

[Sadi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s probably the first time an openly gay Nepali anglophone author has published a memoir, and that itself makes this a very important read. However, I think I had different expectations from the book. Many anecdotes felt insignificant to the events in the book, and sometimes incoherent. The names were forgettable. It almost felt like the book was written for specific people in the author’s circle, and I almost felt like an outsider desperately trying to understand the stories and drama that unfolded in these people’s lives. Maybe it was meant to be that way. But then again, it doesn’t matter what a cis-het reader thinks, if the Nepali queer community is finding meaning in the book and connecting with it.

[miyano · Rating 5 out of 5]

i really love the representation here. i don’t think i’ve ever seen any nepali book cover all the historic topics like 9/11, nepalese royal massacre, 2006 nepalese revolution and so many others in a single book.
as a south asian, seeing the bollywood song movie references was so damn fun. very least books that i’ve read contain references to movies and books i’ve actually seen or read. ofc i get some of them but most leave me sitting there like girl what this mean?
this book is also a must read for someone questioning their sexuality. lgbtqia+ is represented in a most impressive way.
a perfect read to freshen up one’s mind. even better if you are a south asian😉.
happy mf prideeee🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[Bishal Bisht · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book engulfs you in the emotions of the author, of pain, contentment, shame, lonliness and courage. The brilliant and simple expressions of these complex feelings and how he takes us on the journey through them slightly reminded me of Murakami. In between his personal story, he makes us question the norm of love and how the history of love has been shadowed with only the stories of straight. To question and examine the idea and be able to read through the journey of queer stories was truly an intimate experience. Salute to this beautifully written book and the bold writer.

[Ryle Souto · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh/10

I didn't connect with this one as much as I thought I would. My attachment to the main character and his emotions sort of peaked and valleyed as the story went on and there was very little for me to grab on to emotionally. Sure he went places and cities and sure stuff happened but what does that mean in the long run? It felt like it wanted to say so much more but just couldn't...

Final Thoughts: Where are the Queens!!!!

[Shreya · Rating 5 out of 5]

A love letter to built community and queer life, with so much deep sorrow throughout it all. I really, really appreciated this book and his writing. It reminded me a lot of Alexander Cher’s “How to Write an Autobiographical Novel,” and of Ocean Vuong’s “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous.” This is going to stay with me for a long time.

[Sikha Basnet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deep and Interesting

An interesting journey with exploration of emotions and relationships. It gives context to a of things as we fail to understand what it means to be compassionate.

[Sandeep · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highy recommend to read this bad boy!!

[Tisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars.

When I first started this book, I had a thought, a feeling that this was going to special. And it is, for several reasons.

My first story by a Nepali author writing in English. My first memoir. My first time reading about a Nepali queer person. And tomorrow, Niranjan Kunwar is going to be the first author I've met.

Between Queens and the Cities is dripping with honesty. Kunwar's words are simple yet poetic, his descriptions vivid, and his emotions tangible. While reading his story, I learnt so much of so much else— the queer community and activists of Nepal, about travels, and about relationships, I could almost compare this to a lighthouse.