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In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder
In the UK, every week three women are killed by their partners. Over half the women killed by men are killed by a current or ex-partner. On average domestic abuse victims are assaulted 68 times before calling the police. There is a domestic violence epidemic happening right now, yet as a society we still turn a blind eye to it. In a culture that has normalised misogyny, we determinedly cling to the belief that domestic violence is a private matter in which both parties bear some responsibility. Even our legal system legitimises the idea that people who hurt or kill their partners have snapped and lost control, committed a 'crime of passion'. But domestic violence has a clear pattern. Jealousy. Controlling behaviour. Stalking. Verbal abuse. A history of violence. Specialising in homicide, stalking and coercive control, internationally renowned forensic criminologist and former police officer Jane Monckton-Smith has spent decades researching domestic violence cases that have ended in homicide. From her research she developed an 8-stage timeline which has revolutionised the approach to predicting homicide in domestic abuse cases. Part case study, part social commentary and part memoir of a woman dealing with domestic homicide, In Control shows that there are clear signs when a relationship is about to turn violent - we've just been trained not to see them.
256 pages, Paperback
First published March 4, 2021
128 people are currently reading
2370 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 152 reviews
June 22, 2021
I have been a relative of two people who were in relationships where coercive control was the order of the day and this book has enormously helped me realise the battles I wanted them to fight were not quite those that I thought they were.
Jane Monkton-Smith takes us through the eight stages that an abuser will follow should the worst happen, but of course there are many more who make journeys along, or around, the earlier stages.
It seems that society (i.e. all of us) is becoming more aware that domestic violence is a bigger, and more complex, issue than previously perceived and I would like this book to be required reading for a far wider group of people - it is only going to be through understanding that the outcomes for more victims can be changed. It helps that the book is immensely 'readable' although of course some of the content is horrifying.
Jane Monkton-Smith takes us through the eight stages that an abuser will follow should the worst happen, but of course there are many more who make journeys along, or around, the earlier stages.
It seems that society (i.e. all of us) is becoming more aware that domestic violence is a bigger, and more complex, issue than previously perceived and I would like this book to be required reading for a far wider group of people - it is only going to be through understanding that the outcomes for more victims can be changed. It helps that the book is immensely 'readable' although of course some of the content is horrifying.
April 2, 2021
This book is like a self-defense class
March 26, 2021
TW [ violence | domestic abuse | death | coercive control | stalking ]
First thoughts
This was, quite simply, harrowing. A must-read for every person out there to understand what 'control' means in a relationship. Monckton Smith has put together the most eye-opening research to help understand how relationships go south and how to recognise when it's time to leave. It's shocking to realise how easy this is to apply to a relationship you've had, or relationships of your friends. The work she has done is phenomenal.
In Control is about how abusive relationships result in murder, to sum it up simply. It’s a fantastic piece of non-fiction by Jane Monckton Smith who is a specialist in the field of homicides and has a plethora of experience behind her. This book analyses the eight steps she has identified as the pattern and lead-up to homicide in a controlling and abusive relationship.
This is not the usual book I read. If you know me, I tend to stick close to fantasy and don’t dally in non-fiction all that much. But something about the blunt blurb of this and the relevancy of the topic really caught my eye. I was intrigued to understand and read more about this from a level-headed, non-dramatised perspective. I love learning about new things, and I learnt so many things from this book.
For women especially, this book is really important. As you read the book, you’ll see that the most likely victims of domestic abuse and homicide are women (femicide). We all do our best to navigate the world as safely as possible, but there are some patterns of behaviour that seemingly defy logic, and an expert’s opinion (such as Monckton Smith’s) is a gold mine of information on how to understand these scenarios.
This is unlike anything else I’ve ever read or watched on this topic. It is, by far, the most useful and insightful resource I’ve ever encountered for not only understanding these circumstances and relationships, but for arming the reader to avoid such an event themselves and to keep them safe. I genuinely feel better-informed and safer having read this book, because now I know what to look for and know that saying you’re ‘crazy’ is never the right answer.
First thoughts
This was, quite simply, harrowing. A must-read for every person out there to understand what 'control' means in a relationship. Monckton Smith has put together the most eye-opening research to help understand how relationships go south and how to recognise when it's time to leave. It's shocking to realise how easy this is to apply to a relationship you've had, or relationships of your friends. The work she has done is phenomenal.
"A woman is killed by her partner or ex-partner every four days in the UK."What it’s about
In Control is about how abusive relationships result in murder, to sum it up simply. It’s a fantastic piece of non-fiction by Jane Monckton Smith who is a specialist in the field of homicides and has a plethora of experience behind her. This book analyses the eight steps she has identified as the pattern and lead-up to homicide in a controlling and abusive relationship.
"Historically, cultural, legal, religious and societal messages have made explicit to men in particular that control of their wife is a right..."The book focuses on improving understanding of why victims behave in ways that can seem strange to the everyday person — why don’t they just leave? Why don’t they do something? It aims to eradicate this thinking but helping us understand what is going on and why the victims need to not only be heard, but believed, in order to get them the help they need to be truly free — and permanently safe — from their abusers.
"Control is devious and deceptive, and these things are often invisible."The book is written in a very matter of fact way, with a detatched tone. The author isn't trying to express emotions and has made an excellent effort to remove any bias on her behalf. It's calm, it's collected and it presents all the details of her research in a simplistic manner that is both shocking and plain to understanding.
"...because controlling people, in the main, will want a rapid commitment, they may target people who they feel might give that."Why I read this
This is not the usual book I read. If you know me, I tend to stick close to fantasy and don’t dally in non-fiction all that much. But something about the blunt blurb of this and the relevancy of the topic really caught my eye. I was intrigued to understand and read more about this from a level-headed, non-dramatised perspective. I love learning about new things, and I learnt so many things from this book.
"More socially confident controlling people may keep family members close so that they can be monitored and even used to help control the victim."Why you should read this
For women especially, this book is really important. As you read the book, you’ll see that the most likely victims of domestic abuse and homicide are women (femicide). We all do our best to navigate the world as safely as possible, but there are some patterns of behaviour that seemingly defy logic, and an expert’s opinion (such as Monckton Smith’s) is a gold mine of information on how to understand these scenarios.
"Even where there may be mental illness, a history of control is relevant."This is a step-by-step guide to help you understand the eight different stages people pass through, men and women, in a controlling relationship. Monckton Smith uses examples the whole way through to demonstrate and back up her arguments. It’s a really harrowing experience to see the sheer number of examples for all types of scenarios in all types of relationships that she is able to procure.
"Coercive control is frequently driven by the fears of its perpetrators, and maintained by the fears of its victims."It is something I would have hoped would be difficult to find information on (as if to believe it wasn’t so common). But this is very common behaviour, and the abuse that is discussed in this book is seen world-wide. It is disappointing and scary to realise that there are endless examples of this controlling behaviour and abuse that can be drawn upon. It really opens your eyes to the magnitude of the problem.
"If we ever accept excessive jealousy and excuse or justify it, we just strengthen the control."Summary
This is unlike anything else I’ve ever read or watched on this topic. It is, by far, the most useful and insightful resource I’ve ever encountered for not only understanding these circumstances and relationships, but for arming the reader to avoid such an event themselves and to keep them safe. I genuinely feel better-informed and safer having read this book, because now I know what to look for and know that saying you’re ‘crazy’ is never the right answer.
"Knowledge is power."*Thank you to Bloomsbury for providing me a copy of this in exchange for an honest review
January 19, 2021
thank you NetGalley & Bloomsbury Publishing for this e-arc!
wow. my second book of 2021 was phenomenal. this non-fiction completely hypnotized me for the 24 hours it took me to read it. especially as womxn, we all vaguely have an idea or an instinct of what the behaviors and manipulation tactics of domestic abusers look like. but seeing these eight stages lined out so neatly, it still shocked me. it was both scary to read as someone who is statistically at a higher risk of becoming a victim to domestic violence, but also fascinating from my perspective as a (criminal) lawyer.
Monckton-Smith was incredibly successful in making her complex criminologist research accessible to a wider audience by using clear language without any jargon, using real life examples of case studies and through anecdotes from her own life. I also deeply appreciated the fact that she combined criminology with law (explaining why UK criminal law needs reform in order to better protect victims) and sociology/anthropology (explaining how contemporary Western culture and society contribute to the high number of domestic violence cases). she never pretends to be able to explain why these perpetrators end up becoming the people they are though, and she’s very frank about that. she just provides answers as to how to recognize and stop these crimes before they become homicides.
honestly, this might be one of the only non-fiction books I would reread over and over again and it’s already one of my favourite books of the year.
obviously, this book deals with some heavy subject matter and because Monckton-Smith uses real life examples this book definitely comes with some trigger warnings, including domestic violence, rape, murder, forced pregnancy, child abuse, emotional blackmail and manipulation, gaslighting and stalking.
wow. my second book of 2021 was phenomenal. this non-fiction completely hypnotized me for the 24 hours it took me to read it. especially as womxn, we all vaguely have an idea or an instinct of what the behaviors and manipulation tactics of domestic abusers look like. but seeing these eight stages lined out so neatly, it still shocked me. it was both scary to read as someone who is statistically at a higher risk of becoming a victim to domestic violence, but also fascinating from my perspective as a (criminal) lawyer.
Monckton-Smith was incredibly successful in making her complex criminologist research accessible to a wider audience by using clear language without any jargon, using real life examples of case studies and through anecdotes from her own life. I also deeply appreciated the fact that she combined criminology with law (explaining why UK criminal law needs reform in order to better protect victims) and sociology/anthropology (explaining how contemporary Western culture and society contribute to the high number of domestic violence cases). she never pretends to be able to explain why these perpetrators end up becoming the people they are though, and she’s very frank about that. she just provides answers as to how to recognize and stop these crimes before they become homicides.
honestly, this might be one of the only non-fiction books I would reread over and over again and it’s already one of my favourite books of the year.
obviously, this book deals with some heavy subject matter and because Monckton-Smith uses real life examples this book definitely comes with some trigger warnings, including domestic violence, rape, murder, forced pregnancy, child abuse, emotional blackmail and manipulation, gaslighting and stalking.
August 17, 2021
+
One of the best books anyone could ever read.
The work this book explores has changed peoples lives and will continue to do so.
One of the best books anyone could ever read.
The work this book explores has changed peoples lives and will continue to do so.
February 22, 2023
What a book, what a BOOK! This is so incredibly important, thank you Jane Monckton-Smith for all the work, honestly an eye opening research.
October 10, 2023
An extremely interesting and important book, showing how control and coercion can lead to abuse and murder.
As mentioned quite a few times in the book, society needs to stop excusing the perpetrators and blaming victims. It is time to realise that the "crime of passion" is a myth, that domestic abuse is a heinous crime, that coercive control leaves people (predominantly women and children) live in constant fear.
As mentioned quite a few times in the book, society needs to stop excusing the perpetrators and blaming victims. It is time to realise that the "crime of passion" is a myth, that domestic abuse is a heinous crime, that coercive control leaves people (predominantly women and children) live in constant fear.
August 28, 2021
Read this to build on training already attended. Brilliant book describing coercive, stalking and harassment behaviour. The eight stage timeline gives clear explanation of the process perpetrators go through an show professionals can try and spot these stages before stage 8. The author uses real cases to emphasise the points.
November 6, 2022
I would give this 10 stars if I could. I can't begin to describe how important this book is - for EVERYONE. Knowing about and being able to recognize the patterns of coercive control can be life-changing (or in the worst case life-saving) not only for professionals but for relatives, friends, coworkers of victims or even strangers they interact with.
Go read this, educate yourself on coercive control and join Jane Monckton-Smith in her mission to change the narrative from "crimes of passion" to "predictable patterns and calculated, cold-blooded murder".
Go read this, educate yourself on coercive control and join Jane Monckton-Smith in her mission to change the narrative from "crimes of passion" to "predictable patterns and calculated, cold-blooded murder".
January 27, 2024
A bit like work… recognised many in the descriptions. Ought to be read if you care about DV…
February 23, 2025
concise analysis with many helpful implications for personal and professional life and actions, extremely well structured and written
February 3, 2025
Accurate and relatable. I wish everyone would read this book. I recommend this book to victims to help with healing. And I recommend this as resource for family and friends to better help and support victims and understand the manipulation and control behind perpetrators.
March 20, 2021
I have spent a great deal of time trying to understand the relationship between abuser and abused, particularly in a partnership such a marriage, or parenthood etc. This book, for me, was a fascinating and disturbing insight into controlling behaviours, early signs, and how quickly they can escalate into something far more sinister.
Jane Monckton-Smith has devoted her life to specialising in and researching domestic violence that has resulted in murder.
In the present climate of the Reclaim These Streets movement, those in charge should be paying far more attention to studies such as these, and the author's carefully observed 8-stage timeline as a preventative measure.
Occasionally Jane Monckton-Smith's writing appears to lose a little direction and clarity; the subject matter however, clearly speaks for itself!
I give this book 4 stars.
Jane Monckton-Smith has devoted her life to specialising in and researching domestic violence that has resulted in murder.
In the present climate of the Reclaim These Streets movement, those in charge should be paying far more attention to studies such as these, and the author's carefully observed 8-stage timeline as a preventative measure.
Occasionally Jane Monckton-Smith's writing appears to lose a little direction and clarity; the subject matter however, clearly speaks for itself!
I give this book 4 stars.
October 10, 2021
If I could buy everyone a copy I would. This book is so important. It took me a long time to read as some of the material is pretty heavy going and needs some 'away from the book' processing. This book will help you identify and question lots of behaviour that might otherwise be excused. It has also challenged me to question my own behaviour and that of others around encouraging friends into relationships. The 'oh go on and give him a chance' attitude when someone has clearly said no. The respect of someone's boundaries both before and during a relationship are so essential. Control is so many things and you really really really need to read this book.
January 15, 2023
I read this last year - but somehow forget to post my review! Must be losing it :)
In case its not obvious from the title the subject matter and contact of this book its pretty challenging. While its pretty accessible and not academically dense I wouldn't necessarily recommend as a starting point for learning more about relationship abuse - but definitely for people looking to further their understanding of the most dangerous cases of abuse.
In case its not obvious from the title the subject matter and contact of this book its pretty challenging. While its pretty accessible and not academically dense I wouldn't necessarily recommend as a starting point for learning more about relationship abuse - but definitely for people looking to further their understanding of the most dangerous cases of abuse.
February 26, 2023
‘Knowledge is power’ - This is a book any one in a relationship, considering being a relationship, or who knows someone in a relationship should read. Being aware of the homicide timeline and how controlling behaviour develops will prevent murder.
Considering how confronting the content is, this book was an easy and compelling read, that I encourage everyone to read.
The most important thing I have taken and shared from this book was not to ask ‘Why didn’t she leave?’ but instead to ask ‘Why was it in her best interests to stay?’.
Considering how confronting the content is, this book was an easy and compelling read, that I encourage everyone to read.
The most important thing I have taken and shared from this book was not to ask ‘Why didn’t she leave?’ but instead to ask ‘Why was it in her best interests to stay?’.
January 4, 2025
Domestic violence is at epidemic levels and three women are killed by a partner husband or relative in the UK every week or approximately one hundred and sixty per year. Can you even imagine if that was Premier League footballers or even Bishops in the Church of England? People would be outraged and yet partners and husbands kill their wives or previous partners and as society we all look away or simply blame women for not leaving when they could have.
The author has developed a scale that allows potential victims workers and police to spot the concerning signs that murder is a possibility. For those of us working in the field this is a resource that we should never have been without. Forewarned is forearmed and this goes a long way to predicting increases to abuse and violence.
This is not a pleasant read but read it you should.
The author has developed a scale that allows potential victims workers and police to spot the concerning signs that murder is a possibility. For those of us working in the field this is a resource that we should never have been without. Forewarned is forearmed and this goes a long way to predicting increases to abuse and violence.
This is not a pleasant read but read it you should.
June 8, 2021
I wish I had read this earlier, but now I am glad that controlling behavior is finally being seen in a different light. The book was rather psychologically difficult to read but it was certainly comforting to see how certain things are acknowledged in terms of coercive control.
January 29, 2023
A must read. Powerful and insightful book about coercive control and domestic violence, written in such an accessible way, using case studies sensitively. This book sets out the stages in a timeline that resonates so profoundly.
December 3, 2023
Audio book.
A topic I was (luckily) quite naïve to, but so interesting and important. Well written and explained.
A topic I was (luckily) quite naïve to, but so interesting and important. Well written and explained.
February 19, 2025
Having worked in DV&A for several years, I’d wanted to read this book but make sure I was in a good space to do so - would say my only regret is not reading it sooner. Would absolutely recommend this book to anyone, whether you’re in the industry or not. Please read and recommend to others to do the same!
December 17, 2024
Recommended through work. An eye opening, and of course a difficult read, on life changing research.
October 27, 2021
A must read for any forensic psychology fans. Big trigger warnings for domestic abuse, emotional abuse, suicide, self harm & homicide. This book outlines the domestic homicide timeline - a pattern of steps offenders usually follow before they murder their partner. It uses case studies and research throughout to prove its points which really adds weight to all its claims. I found it really interesting especially as coercive control in romantic relationships is starting to be taken seriously legally and I think more people should know the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. I’m by no means saying that someone who is controlling will commit murder but it is still incredibly harmful for the victim and they might not even know it. Would highly recommend the audiobook version.
May 26, 2022
One of the most important books I've ever read and a fascinating insight to the violence against women and girls conversation. Breaking down coercive control and domestic behaviour patterns so we can understand, recognise, protect and believe victims. Read it.
June 15, 2023
Well written and researched.
A closer and deeper look at coercive control and domestic violence where myths are being debunked.
A must read for anyone who wants to know more about coercive control, how it works and how to use the time line can be useful in preventing further violence (which can lead to murder).
A closer and deeper look at coercive control and domestic violence where myths are being debunked.
A must read for anyone who wants to know more about coercive control, how it works and how to use the time line can be useful in preventing further violence (which can lead to murder).
May 25, 2021
5 ☆
Finished reading … In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder / Jane Monckton Smith 23 May 2021
ISBN: 9781526613202 … 221 pp.
This is a harrowing but gripping read. It's an easy read. It should be a compulsory read.
The author writes about eight stages in a domestic violence homicide timeline. Tragically, the first seven stages can be hidden from view with only the eighth stage, murder or suicide, being visible. But, if you know what you're looking for, the author maintains that those seven first stages can be visible.
All adults should read this so that we can recognise the signs – to save ourselves or save others. Luckily, I've never been a victim. But while reading this it made me think differently about four very different people, friends and those whom I crossed paths with during my life, who lived with some of the danger signs. One I'd never have thought of was the kindergarten mum whose husband insisted she stay at the same weight, always weighing herself - coercive control.
Sadly, our children should read this too before they get too far down the track of looking for partners and relationships. There are victims in their mid-teens written about here.
The majority of victims are women and the majority of perpetrators are men. However, examples from the minorities (e.g. men as victims) are given too. The problem also goes across races, cultures, socio-economic groups, sexualities and personality types.
The book also explains why victims stay with their potential and eventual murderers. The reality is that they are (justifiably) afraid that leaving is likely to be more dangerous than staying.
The hardest part, after reading this book, is knowing how to effectively intervene – from legal or personal perspectives. There are no satisfactory, and definitely no short-term, answers. There is such a long way to go.
Borrowed from my local library.
Finished reading … In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder / Jane Monckton Smith 23 May 2021
ISBN: 9781526613202 … 221 pp.
This is a harrowing but gripping read. It's an easy read. It should be a compulsory read.
The author writes about eight stages in a domestic violence homicide timeline. Tragically, the first seven stages can be hidden from view with only the eighth stage, murder or suicide, being visible. But, if you know what you're looking for, the author maintains that those seven first stages can be visible.
All adults should read this so that we can recognise the signs – to save ourselves or save others. Luckily, I've never been a victim. But while reading this it made me think differently about four very different people, friends and those whom I crossed paths with during my life, who lived with some of the danger signs. One I'd never have thought of was the kindergarten mum whose husband insisted she stay at the same weight, always weighing herself - coercive control.
Sadly, our children should read this too before they get too far down the track of looking for partners and relationships. There are victims in their mid-teens written about here.
The majority of victims are women and the majority of perpetrators are men. However, examples from the minorities (e.g. men as victims) are given too. The problem also goes across races, cultures, socio-economic groups, sexualities and personality types.
The book also explains why victims stay with their potential and eventual murderers. The reality is that they are (justifiably) afraid that leaving is likely to be more dangerous than staying.
The hardest part, after reading this book, is knowing how to effectively intervene – from legal or personal perspectives. There are no satisfactory, and definitely no short-term, answers. There is such a long way to go.
Borrowed from my local library.
December 19, 2022
A harrowing read, but a necessary one. Delves deep into men's use of coercive control to physically and mentally torture women and how these relationships lead to murder. Shocking in places, even though you can see where each story will end. Every woman should be aware of the signs and I wish every police officer was also fully trained in how these relationships work. Just yesterday I was reading of a man who stabbed his ex wife and the judge said the Surrey police had to take some responsibility because they had not taken the women's predicament seriously and had made up their minds that the husband wasn't a danger. Nothing seems to change and that's what's depressing about this book, until the police take women's concerns seriously, more women will die.
January 14, 2024
Nothing angers me more than other women bashing feminism and feminists. If you don't believe that feminism is still needed in this day and age, please, I urge you to read this book.
Monckton-Smith writes intelligently but in an easily understandable manner how dangerous controlling relationships are, particularly for women. It is much more rare for women to be perpetrators of domestic violence and this is covered hugely in this book, as well as backed up by statistics.
The book further shows why societal changes need to happen; even in 2024 women are expected to bow and scrape to men, simply to avoid angering them and being targeted by them later. Why not teach men that women are not property, we have our own minds and we can decide for ourselves what we want in life, be it a certain partner, or a career.
I've been in many situations where I've felt physically threatened, but wouldn't dare to say anything in fear of making it worse. Better to smile and be polite and make a quick exit when it's safe, right? No, instead we should be challenging this behaviour and it should be called out by all.
Monckton-Smith has identified eight stages a coercive relationship will go through before it reaches critical and extremely dangerous levels. That's not to say the relationship will always reach that critical eighth stage, many will get as far as stage five before the cycle starts over, either with a new partner or with someone who has been dragged unwillingly back to an abusive relationship.
Had I read this book or something like it years ago, it would've opened my eyes to my own, thankfully short coercive relationship. It was a whirlwind, with commitment happening far too quickly, he tried, but thankfully failed at isolating me from my family, he did manipulate me into leaving a job I mostly enjoyed though, and all of this happened in under six months. Things would've got a lot worse if not for the closeness of my family and the fact that he was unable to stay here for more than six months. A lucky escape. It still would never have got that far though, had I known what to look out for.
Monckton-Smith writes intelligently but in an easily understandable manner how dangerous controlling relationships are, particularly for women. It is much more rare for women to be perpetrators of domestic violence and this is covered hugely in this book, as well as backed up by statistics.
The book further shows why societal changes need to happen; even in 2024 women are expected to bow and scrape to men, simply to avoid angering them and being targeted by them later. Why not teach men that women are not property, we have our own minds and we can decide for ourselves what we want in life, be it a certain partner, or a career.
I've been in many situations where I've felt physically threatened, but wouldn't dare to say anything in fear of making it worse. Better to smile and be polite and make a quick exit when it's safe, right? No, instead we should be challenging this behaviour and it should be called out by all.
Monckton-Smith has identified eight stages a coercive relationship will go through before it reaches critical and extremely dangerous levels. That's not to say the relationship will always reach that critical eighth stage, many will get as far as stage five before the cycle starts over, either with a new partner or with someone who has been dragged unwillingly back to an abusive relationship.
Had I read this book or something like it years ago, it would've opened my eyes to my own, thankfully short coercive relationship. It was a whirlwind, with commitment happening far too quickly, he tried, but thankfully failed at isolating me from my family, he did manipulate me into leaving a job I mostly enjoyed though, and all of this happened in under six months. Things would've got a lot worse if not for the closeness of my family and the fact that he was unable to stay here for more than six months. A lucky escape. It still would never have got that far though, had I known what to look out for.
September 4, 2022
Recognition: Narcissistic unsympathetic, relationship is developing rapidly, seen as a promise to hand over the right to harm.
Structural oppression is even more tragic: unequal social order and culture; women's submission out of fear is seen as voluntary obedience and commitment, which is a ridiculous story. Jealousy and manipulation in the nature of ownership is socially conscious of being "big man", "love". Killing in an intimate relationship is always a victim-guilty theory, an accidental theory. Victims of chronic fear tend to anticipate the abuser's behavior and avoid it, rather than react. Pregnancy makes emotional manipulation and violence more visible; stealthy, indulgent public prosecutors.
It's like this, whenever I recall being stalked and molested as a teenager, I know too well how hard it is to get rid of a paranoid lunatic. The euphemism of someone who is always worried about angering potential lunatics is often seen as weak. The heuristics of control are always incremental, starting with a line and ending. I am always trying to make myself a person without weaknesses, but I know that the marginal improvement of individuals in the face of the structure is often not as good as a little luck.
fight or flight? Where there is no power, intimacy is not a natural or permanent paradise.
Moreover, This largely answers my troubles with legal procedures in matters such as sexual harassment crimes. There is nothing wrong with the modern presumption of innocence legal process, but it is worth noting that its premise is like the contemporary judicial process, which puts the plaintiff and the defendant on an equal footing, and a premise that is insufficiently justified cannot draw a valid conclusion. Such as the inability of the deceased to have a voice through their attorneys, coercive control in intimate relationships, chronic intimidation, inequalities in the sense of status and property, verbal threats... When we ignore the systemic disadvantage of women, it cannot be derived from due process result.
Structural oppression is even more tragic: unequal social order and culture; women's submission out of fear is seen as voluntary obedience and commitment, which is a ridiculous story. Jealousy and manipulation in the nature of ownership is socially conscious of being "big man", "love". Killing in an intimate relationship is always a victim-guilty theory, an accidental theory. Victims of chronic fear tend to anticipate the abuser's behavior and avoid it, rather than react. Pregnancy makes emotional manipulation and violence more visible; stealthy, indulgent public prosecutors.
It's like this, whenever I recall being stalked and molested as a teenager, I know too well how hard it is to get rid of a paranoid lunatic. The euphemism of someone who is always worried about angering potential lunatics is often seen as weak. The heuristics of control are always incremental, starting with a line and ending. I am always trying to make myself a person without weaknesses, but I know that the marginal improvement of individuals in the face of the structure is often not as good as a little luck.
fight or flight? Where there is no power, intimacy is not a natural or permanent paradise.
Moreover, This largely answers my troubles with legal procedures in matters such as sexual harassment crimes. There is nothing wrong with the modern presumption of innocence legal process, but it is worth noting that its premise is like the contemporary judicial process, which puts the plaintiff and the defendant on an equal footing, and a premise that is insufficiently justified cannot draw a valid conclusion. Such as the inability of the deceased to have a voice through their attorneys, coercive control in intimate relationships, chronic intimidation, inequalities in the sense of status and property, verbal threats... When we ignore the systemic disadvantage of women, it cannot be derived from due process result.
April 12, 2024
Jane Monckton-Smith's research on the eight stages that abusers typically follow is incredibly insightful and helpful in understanding how relationships can deteriorate.
Her work is phenomenal, and it can help us recognise the signs of an abusive relationship and take proactive steps to help ourselves or our loved ones.
We must understand how victims behave and why they may not leave or take action immediately. This understanding can help us support them and help them escape their abusers. Monckton-Smith's work is instrumental in achieving this, and it's essential to read her book to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships fully.
This book is a must-read for anyone wanting to understand the eight stages people pass through in a controlling relationship. Monckton-Smith uses various examples throughout the book to demonstrate and back up her arguments.
It's a harrowing experience to see the sheer number of examples for all types of scenarios in all kinds of relationships that she can procure. However, it's crucial to read this book to help us recognise the signs of an abusive relationship and take proactive steps to help ourselves or our loved ones.
The book sets out the stages in a timeline that resonates deeply and can help us understand how relationships go south.
While it can be a difficult and triggering read (it was for me at some moments), it's essential to read it with an open mind and a willingness to learn how to help victims of abuse.
Let's use the knowledge from this book to support and believe the victims and help them escape their abusers and stay safe.
Her work is phenomenal, and it can help us recognise the signs of an abusive relationship and take proactive steps to help ourselves or our loved ones.
We must understand how victims behave and why they may not leave or take action immediately. This understanding can help us support them and help them escape their abusers. Monckton-Smith's work is instrumental in achieving this, and it's essential to read her book to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships fully.
This book is a must-read for anyone wanting to understand the eight stages people pass through in a controlling relationship. Monckton-Smith uses various examples throughout the book to demonstrate and back up her arguments.
It's a harrowing experience to see the sheer number of examples for all types of scenarios in all kinds of relationships that she can procure. However, it's crucial to read this book to help us recognise the signs of an abusive relationship and take proactive steps to help ourselves or our loved ones.
The book sets out the stages in a timeline that resonates deeply and can help us understand how relationships go south.
While it can be a difficult and triggering read (it was for me at some moments), it's essential to read it with an open mind and a willingness to learn how to help victims of abuse.
Let's use the knowledge from this book to support and believe the victims and help them escape their abusers and stay safe.
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