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License to Parent: How My Career As a Spy Helped Me Raise Resourceful, Self-Sufficient Kids
"If Mr. and Mrs. Smith had kids and wrote a parenting book, this is what you'd a practical guide for how to utilize key spy tactics to teach kids important life skills--from self-defense to effective communication to conflict resolution." -- Working Mother
Christina was a single, successful CIA analyst with a burgeoning career in espionage when she met fellow spy, Ryan, a hotshot field operative who turned her world upside down. They fell in love, married, and soon they were raising three children from his first marriage, and later, two more of their own.
Christina knew right away that there was something special about the way Ryan was parenting his kids, although she had to admit their obsession with surviving end-of-world scenarios and their ability to do everything from archery to motorcycle riding initially gave her pause. More than that, Ryan's kids were much more security savvy than most adults she knew. She soon realized he was using his CIA training and field experience in his day-to-day child-rearing. And why shouldn't he? The CIA trains its employees to be equipped to deal with just about anything. Shouldn't parents strive to do the same for their kids?
As Christina grew into her new role as a stepmom and later gave birth to their two children, she got on board with Ryan's unique parenting style--and even helped shape it using her own experiences at the CIA. Told through honest and relatable parenting anecdotes, Christina shares their distinctive approach to raising confident, security-conscious, resilient children, giving practical takeaways rooted in CIA tradecraft along the way. License to Parent aims to provide parents with the tools necessary to raise savvier, well-rounded kids who have the skills necessary to navigate through life.
Christina was a single, successful CIA analyst with a burgeoning career in espionage when she met fellow spy, Ryan, a hotshot field operative who turned her world upside down. They fell in love, married, and soon they were raising three children from his first marriage, and later, two more of their own.
Christina knew right away that there was something special about the way Ryan was parenting his kids, although she had to admit their obsession with surviving end-of-world scenarios and their ability to do everything from archery to motorcycle riding initially gave her pause. More than that, Ryan's kids were much more security savvy than most adults she knew. She soon realized he was using his CIA training and field experience in his day-to-day child-rearing. And why shouldn't he? The CIA trains its employees to be equipped to deal with just about anything. Shouldn't parents strive to do the same for their kids?
As Christina grew into her new role as a stepmom and later gave birth to their two children, she got on board with Ryan's unique parenting style--and even helped shape it using her own experiences at the CIA. Told through honest and relatable parenting anecdotes, Christina shares their distinctive approach to raising confident, security-conscious, resilient children, giving practical takeaways rooted in CIA tradecraft along the way. License to Parent aims to provide parents with the tools necessary to raise savvier, well-rounded kids who have the skills necessary to navigate through life.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published June 8, 2021
47 people are currently reading
984 people want to read
About the author
Christina Hillsberg
2 books34 followersChristina Hillsberg is a former CIA intelligence officer and author of USA Today Bestseller Agents of Change: The Women Who Transformed the CIA and License to Parent: How My Career as a Spy Helped Me Raise Resourceful, Self-Sufficient Kids.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
August 28, 2021
The musings of an elitist prepper. The author assumes a lot of her readers. One, that we have similar bank accounts as her no doubt six figure lifestyle affords her. Two, that her reader's children are able-bodied and neurotypical.
Some eye-roll inducing suggestions I pushed through included:
* teaching everyone in the family to drive a motorcycle and owning one for each family member (Nevermind the cost, time, space this feat requires.)
* having a go-bag for in each vehicle or for each family member that includes hundreds in extra cash (Nevermind that most middle-class families can't afford an emergency of a few hundred dollars.)
*people watching and practicing getting the G.R.A.B. (gender, race, age, and build) of passersby. (I bet I know which particular "Rs" show up most often in this little paranoid time-killer.)
* parents should sneak attack their kids and wrestle and spar with them to keep their fighting skills fresh. (Again, the assumption that most of the readers' children are able-bodied and neurotypical.)
The author and her spouse seem hyper-focused on out-surviving the little people. If the rest of us can't get through impassible roads during some apocalyptic catastrophe, then to hell with us. In the parts I read there was no mention of how they might use their prepared, privileged situation to help others in a potential crisis. As a matter of fact, the author states that she wants her readers to prep so they can watch chaos unfold on tv, and satisfyingly think, "Thank goodness that isn't us."
Ultimately, the parts that I did read reminded me to do the safety stuff I already know I should do but have neglected; discussing/practicing a house fire plan, preparing for LIKELY natural disasters, reviewing what to do if we're separated in a public space, teaching them to use an actual map, knowing basic information like our car makes and models, address, and phone numbers.
But the classicist view left such a bad taste in my mouth I couldn't finish. The last line of the author's book jacket bio mentions that her family owns, "two Rhodesian Ridgebacks". My middle class brain can't even visualize what those are. But their upkeep probably costs more than my mortgage. And that's the crowd the author wrote this for. I hope the 1% enjoyed it. I did not.
Some eye-roll inducing suggestions I pushed through included:
* teaching everyone in the family to drive a motorcycle and owning one for each family member (Nevermind the cost, time, space this feat requires.)
* having a go-bag for in each vehicle or for each family member that includes hundreds in extra cash (Nevermind that most middle-class families can't afford an emergency of a few hundred dollars.)
*people watching and practicing getting the G.R.A.B. (gender, race, age, and build) of passersby. (I bet I know which particular "Rs" show up most often in this little paranoid time-killer.)
* parents should sneak attack their kids and wrestle and spar with them to keep their fighting skills fresh. (Again, the assumption that most of the readers' children are able-bodied and neurotypical.)
The author and her spouse seem hyper-focused on out-surviving the little people. If the rest of us can't get through impassible roads during some apocalyptic catastrophe, then to hell with us. In the parts I read there was no mention of how they might use their prepared, privileged situation to help others in a potential crisis. As a matter of fact, the author states that she wants her readers to prep so they can watch chaos unfold on tv, and satisfyingly think, "Thank goodness that isn't us."
Ultimately, the parts that I did read reminded me to do the safety stuff I already know I should do but have neglected; discussing/practicing a house fire plan, preparing for LIKELY natural disasters, reviewing what to do if we're separated in a public space, teaching them to use an actual map, knowing basic information like our car makes and models, address, and phone numbers.
But the classicist view left such a bad taste in my mouth I couldn't finish. The last line of the author's book jacket bio mentions that her family owns, "two Rhodesian Ridgebacks". My middle class brain can't even visualize what those are. But their upkeep probably costs more than my mortgage. And that's the crowd the author wrote this for. I hope the 1% enjoyed it. I did not.
July 7, 2021
So... I think my parents may have been spies.
I picked up this book because I was absolutely fascinated by the title. I'm not a parent but how could I resist something who's subheading began with How My Career As a Spy...? I didn't pick it up for parenting tips (therefore, I can't review much of the advice offered as I have no practical applications), I picked it up to see what kind of cool "spy tips" I'd learn. And, I discovered, not many. Because my parents had covered all of these bases. They had covered everything from basic defense to public speaking skills to disaster preparation. As in the book, they constantly role-played conversations or situations that we'd encounter or run through basic situational awareness.
I've lived in three foreign countries growing up and spent significant time in over twenty, and the first things my parents would always do with us when we got to a new city was send us on a scavenger hunt. Much like the example the authors gave in the book with dropping their kids off in the middle of the city with a map and some money and a meeting place/time, my parents would construct a scavenger hunt that required us to exchange to foreign currency, take public transportation, buy food, talk to a stranger, and make our way back to our new home. Just like how the authors raised their kids, my parents required us to be well-rounded so that we could "know something about everything and everything about something". Everyone was required to pick a sport, an instrument, a language, an additional extra curricular, and an animal (these started small and got significantly larger the older we got). The "Me You, Same Same" principle that the authors write about was never explicitly addressed but always very present in how we were raised.
My parents never had the "Spy Talk" with me, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised. The parallels between the authors and my parents are a little uncanny, down to the way I learned how to drive (my dad taught us to drive as soon as our feet could touch the pedals and I distinctly remember one of my first lessons spent driving in reverse the entire time-if you've read this book, you'll know what I mean). And they did always encourage me to go work for the Agency...
A lot of this book gave me language for what I was raised doing. Many of the conversations that the authors had with their kids I never had with my parents (would that have been helpful? Probably) and a lot of the knowledge they imparted happened organically without a verbal lesson/takeaway. A lot of things my parents had us do when we were little I'd never really thought about (didn't everyone have a go bag in their car in case of disasters?) and this book actually opened my eyes to the specific strategies that my parents employed. Just like the authors, my parents only used the words "I promise" sparingly and coached us to do the same.
I recognize that a lot of people weren't raised this way and maybe it's "extreme" or "out there" to you (as it was to the author as she started this journey) but, as someone who was raised with this style of parenting, let me encourage you: this "always be prepared" mentality never increased my fear, it only increased my confidence. I am equipped to handle almost every situation and I have a skillset and knowledge base that far exceeds those of my peers. I am a successful adult today because so many of these lessons were instilled in me at such a young age. I may not be one of the authors' kids, but as someone who was raised almost identical to this, as a recipient for this parenting style, I give it a ringing endorsement.
I picked up this book because I was absolutely fascinated by the title. I'm not a parent but how could I resist something who's subheading began with How My Career As a Spy...? I didn't pick it up for parenting tips (therefore, I can't review much of the advice offered as I have no practical applications), I picked it up to see what kind of cool "spy tips" I'd learn. And, I discovered, not many. Because my parents had covered all of these bases. They had covered everything from basic defense to public speaking skills to disaster preparation. As in the book, they constantly role-played conversations or situations that we'd encounter or run through basic situational awareness.
I've lived in three foreign countries growing up and spent significant time in over twenty, and the first things my parents would always do with us when we got to a new city was send us on a scavenger hunt. Much like the example the authors gave in the book with dropping their kids off in the middle of the city with a map and some money and a meeting place/time, my parents would construct a scavenger hunt that required us to exchange to foreign currency, take public transportation, buy food, talk to a stranger, and make our way back to our new home. Just like how the authors raised their kids, my parents required us to be well-rounded so that we could "know something about everything and everything about something". Everyone was required to pick a sport, an instrument, a language, an additional extra curricular, and an animal (these started small and got significantly larger the older we got). The "Me You, Same Same" principle that the authors write about was never explicitly addressed but always very present in how we were raised.
My parents never had the "Spy Talk" with me, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised. The parallels between the authors and my parents are a little uncanny, down to the way I learned how to drive (my dad taught us to drive as soon as our feet could touch the pedals and I distinctly remember one of my first lessons spent driving in reverse the entire time-if you've read this book, you'll know what I mean). And they did always encourage me to go work for the Agency...
A lot of this book gave me language for what I was raised doing. Many of the conversations that the authors had with their kids I never had with my parents (would that have been helpful? Probably) and a lot of the knowledge they imparted happened organically without a verbal lesson/takeaway. A lot of things my parents had us do when we were little I'd never really thought about (didn't everyone have a go bag in their car in case of disasters?) and this book actually opened my eyes to the specific strategies that my parents employed. Just like the authors, my parents only used the words "I promise" sparingly and coached us to do the same.
I recognize that a lot of people weren't raised this way and maybe it's "extreme" or "out there" to you (as it was to the author as she started this journey) but, as someone who was raised with this style of parenting, let me encourage you: this "always be prepared" mentality never increased my fear, it only increased my confidence. I am equipped to handle almost every situation and I have a skillset and knowledge base that far exceeds those of my peers. I am a successful adult today because so many of these lessons were instilled in me at such a young age. I may not be one of the authors' kids, but as someone who was raised almost identical to this, as a recipient for this parenting style, I give it a ringing endorsement.
July 21, 2021
License to Parent is part memoir, part parenting guide. The author and her husband formed an approach that uses her husband's experience at the CIA on the clandestine side and her experience on the analytic side to develop techniques and share practical takeaways. It's books like these that give parents like me the tools to know how to enable my kids.
They talk about the concept of getting off the X, something that's taught at CIA to all officers before they go overseas in different environments. This book takes that concept and teaches us to help our children make mistakes, learn from those experiences, and become better. That way, children can gain the confidence to make good, informed, logical, common-sense decisions when we're not with them. The idea is that by preparing our kids in a fun way that emphasizes adventure, we can feel comfortable and safe, giving them freedom. This book helps people parent from a place of strength instead of a place of fear so they know their kids can be self-sufficient.
To listen to my interview with the authors, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/chr...
They talk about the concept of getting off the X, something that's taught at CIA to all officers before they go overseas in different environments. This book takes that concept and teaches us to help our children make mistakes, learn from those experiences, and become better. That way, children can gain the confidence to make good, informed, logical, common-sense decisions when we're not with them. The idea is that by preparing our kids in a fun way that emphasizes adventure, we can feel comfortable and safe, giving them freedom. This book helps people parent from a place of strength instead of a place of fear so they know their kids can be self-sufficient.
To listen to my interview with the authors, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/chr...
December 31, 2022
I think the way these two parent their kids is probably necessary for the dangerous careers they held, but the everyday parent doesn't need to prepare their kids for imminent danger around every turn. Quizzing kids on makes & models of cars in the case of a kidnapping, housing multiple forms of travel for every child (motorbike, bicycle, ATVs, etc) in case roads are closed in a disaster, teaching every child weaponry skills (archery, shooting, knives, etc) ... it all seems excessive. They claim they incorporate teaching all of these survival skills into their everyday lives, but it just does not seem feasible to me. Also, the word "clandestine" must have been used at least a 100 times in this book and it drove me bonkers by the end.
March 13, 2022
I bought this book because it sounded like fun. As a parent and teacher myself, I wanted to see how being a spy helped the author in being a parent. The book was extremely fun and interesting to read, but it also had good serious advice.
What I realized when I finished reading the book was that the author and her husband (both former spies) are actually raising their children very similar to the way most children were raised before 1960, and certainly before World War II. What I mean by this is that they are raising their children to be independent, confident decision-makers, with life skills under their belt by the time they start middle school. The method they use is the same that any good teacher uses. They introduced all the skills very carefully under adult supervision and gradually gave little bits of supervised independence which after several years became unsupervised for short periods and then longer periods. I would say the same things were done with most kids prior to WW II. A few more skills were added such as learning skills with knives as tools, beginning under careful supervision at age five teaching whittling skills. This certainly would have still been quite normal in my grandparents’ childhoods (early 1900s, before WWI). A few things might be shocking to modern parents when they first read them in this book. But after reading this book, I think for any parent concerned about safety, it’s far better for children to have these skills than not to have them.
Any of the skills are useful. But with some of the skills, many modern parents might not know how to teach them, because they were never exposed to these skills themselves (such as using knives as tools in the outdoors, or being competent riding on motorcycles, or being competent in archery with a longbow). Even so, most of the ideas in the book are very implementable by most parents. There are even chapters on teaching report writing and teaching financial responsibility to kids, with very specific suggestions on how to do it.
All parents and all teachers should be reading this book. Also novel writers, or anyone interested in what it might be like to work for the CIA, should read this book, as it has more information on what it’s really like than any other book I’ve read.
What I realized when I finished reading the book was that the author and her husband (both former spies) are actually raising their children very similar to the way most children were raised before 1960, and certainly before World War II. What I mean by this is that they are raising their children to be independent, confident decision-makers, with life skills under their belt by the time they start middle school. The method they use is the same that any good teacher uses. They introduced all the skills very carefully under adult supervision and gradually gave little bits of supervised independence which after several years became unsupervised for short periods and then longer periods. I would say the same things were done with most kids prior to WW II. A few more skills were added such as learning skills with knives as tools, beginning under careful supervision at age five teaching whittling skills. This certainly would have still been quite normal in my grandparents’ childhoods (early 1900s, before WWI). A few things might be shocking to modern parents when they first read them in this book. But after reading this book, I think for any parent concerned about safety, it’s far better for children to have these skills than not to have them.
Any of the skills are useful. But with some of the skills, many modern parents might not know how to teach them, because they were never exposed to these skills themselves (such as using knives as tools in the outdoors, or being competent riding on motorcycles, or being competent in archery with a longbow). Even so, most of the ideas in the book are very implementable by most parents. There are even chapters on teaching report writing and teaching financial responsibility to kids, with very specific suggestions on how to do it.
All parents and all teachers should be reading this book. Also novel writers, or anyone interested in what it might be like to work for the CIA, should read this book, as it has more information on what it’s really like than any other book I’ve read.
April 8, 2022
I love the idea of this book and the way the ideas were presented. Though the espionage enthusiast in me would have LOVED more examples of real life operations, that’s not really what this book was about.
I’m not a parent, but my husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt. Our future kids are inherently going to come with some trauma and possible attachment issues, so anything that we can do to help them adjust, help us bond, and help give them a leg up as they move through life is helpful! Some of the skills mentioned in this book I learned as a result of neglect in my childhood— though I don’t think everyone is capable of learning this way and it’s certainly not how I want my kids to acquire their life skills, I think they are important and I appreciate the road map laid out by Christina and Ryan. And in my situation I also appreciate the tips for applying these strategies to kids you’ve raised as well as stepkids, with different age appropriate approaches for each. It makes me feel like we can apply these parenting techniques to whatever age child we get.
I’m not a parent, but my husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt. Our future kids are inherently going to come with some trauma and possible attachment issues, so anything that we can do to help them adjust, help us bond, and help give them a leg up as they move through life is helpful! Some of the skills mentioned in this book I learned as a result of neglect in my childhood— though I don’t think everyone is capable of learning this way and it’s certainly not how I want my kids to acquire their life skills, I think they are important and I appreciate the road map laid out by Christina and Ryan. And in my situation I also appreciate the tips for applying these strategies to kids you’ve raised as well as stepkids, with different age appropriate approaches for each. It makes me feel like we can apply these parenting techniques to whatever age child we get.
June 1, 2021
Thank you to the publisher and author for providing me a finished copy of License to Parent.
I have been a parent for almost 8 years now, and yet I rarely read parenting books! However, when the tag line begins “How My Career as a Spy...”, I’m MORE than just a little intrigued.
The chapters in this book cover everything from keeping kids safe to helping them form lasting relationships with others and how to keep a strong moral code! (And I have to say that I was impressed with the variety of subjects explored.)
I also really enjoyed how the book is divided, how each topic is broken apart and studied. The authors chose to write each chapter in repeating sections. The first describes how a topic is taught and used in the CIA. Then, anecdotes are provided for how the AUTHORS used said training in the raising of their children. Last, practical applications are given for how the READER could take these ideas and bring them into his/her own parenting life.
I had a lot of fun while reading, learned so much about what the CIA can do, took away a few ideas that I’ve started to implement in my own home (Safety Go Bag ✔️ Car identification ✔️ ), and I look forward to using even more as my children grow.
I have been a parent for almost 8 years now, and yet I rarely read parenting books! However, when the tag line begins “How My Career as a Spy...”, I’m MORE than just a little intrigued.
The chapters in this book cover everything from keeping kids safe to helping them form lasting relationships with others and how to keep a strong moral code! (And I have to say that I was impressed with the variety of subjects explored.)
I also really enjoyed how the book is divided, how each topic is broken apart and studied. The authors chose to write each chapter in repeating sections. The first describes how a topic is taught and used in the CIA. Then, anecdotes are provided for how the AUTHORS used said training in the raising of their children. Last, practical applications are given for how the READER could take these ideas and bring them into his/her own parenting life.
I had a lot of fun while reading, learned so much about what the CIA can do, took away a few ideas that I’ve started to implement in my own home (Safety Go Bag ✔️ Car identification ✔️ ), and I look forward to using even more as my children grow.
February 12, 2022
This was 2.5 stars for me. The set up was interesting, and it certainly looked at parenthood through a different lense. Are we preparing our children for a life of independence? Could have been the theme…and there are plenty of ways to do that. But. And this is a big but. I found it to be tone deaf - keep motorcycles for every member of your family to escape in case of apocalypse? Nope. NO. WAY. There were many instances where the things they were doing felt like they were for people with privilege and the money to afford their suggestions. Not everyone had the resources to do that - either monetarily or culturally. And that was totally not addressed in this book. Having your child carry a neck knife gave me pause - and I considered that, but if I can send my child on a walk with our big ass dog, it would seem a better deterrent than allowing them a knife that they could accidentally take to school and get themselves expelled for having. This book will cause conversation, and there is no right way to parent. My own parenting style does not mesh wholly with this one.
September 5, 2021
Some good advice and interesting examples set forth in this book. I thought the title and CIA background would be interesting. The gist and emphasis is to teach kids to assess, think, and react to situations safely and appropriately. Written by an educated mom who goes from a high stress/pace lifestyle to full time mom work. She admits that she needed some time herself to adjust to her husbands parenting style, so I think she’s likely has tendency to be closer to the reader that would choose this book (ie possible “hover parent”) and working through that. There are some assumptions about the reader (and financial situation), but I think some of the teachings here are still applicable no matter what your situation. I wanted to claw my eyes out every time they use the word “clandestine”, like multiple times within a chapter throughout the entire book, please use a thesaurus!
August 25, 2022
Did not finish. I was excited for the premise, but it turned out the author did not come across as someone I'd want giving me parenting advice.
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January 8, 2023This was a little far-fetched to me. I can’t imagine implementing all of these suggestions. Some of them are helpful and some of the CIA stories are cool, but I am not the type of person to pull this off. Maybe for more security-conscious parents! Also my kids are young for most all of the scenarios they mentioned.
With that being said, it was well written and well done. Kudos to these parents and others who train their kids well to do their best to keep them safe and feel confident in this scary world. I recommend this book to anyone fascinated with the spy world or CIA and is also often around or parenting children.
With that being said, it was well written and well done. Kudos to these parents and others who train their kids well to do their best to keep them safe and feel confident in this scary world. I recommend this book to anyone fascinated with the spy world or CIA and is also often around or parenting children.
June 8, 2021
My goal as a parent has always been to raise children who become responsible, mature adults, so the words "resourceful, self-sufficient kids" made this book very appealing! I was also drawn in by Hillsberg's application of her professional CIA career to parenting--mindfulness should be part of any parenting game. I was impressed by the organization of her thoughts and experience throughout the book, and grabbed some takeaways that will stick with me as we enter the teen years. Definitely a helpful read for anyone looking to raise independent children! Thanks for sending an ARC my way, Penguin!
October 24, 2025
I thought this book was fantastic, I understand how not everyone can relate, but so much of what this couple does is what my husband and I already do with our children. It’s a good link to “The Anxious Generation “ together these two books could change the way we raise the next generations.
August 11, 2021
Entertaining and interesting perspective on teaching skills to kids at a young age.
July 1, 2024
How do you prepare your kids for real-life skills? This book gives a realistic approach on how to give your children a resilient mindset and think on their feet. It helps give parents ideas on how to teach their children on how to handle unexpected situations confidently.
1. Make your own survival kits and involve your kids in the process.
2. Know how to improvise.
3. Get back to basics.
"Can't we let kids be kids for as long as possible? The world can be such a scary place; shouldn't we shield them from it? When we take that approach we're actually doing our kids a disservice. We're not preparing them for the real world."
1. Make your own survival kits and involve your kids in the process.
2. Know how to improvise.
3. Get back to basics.
"Can't we let kids be kids for as long as possible? The world can be such a scary place; shouldn't we shield them from it? When we take that approach we're actually doing our kids a disservice. We're not preparing them for the real world."
September 2, 2022
I was really excited to read this book. It’s a very cool concept, to be completely honest, and there are a few good novel pieces of advice in the 255 pages.
The book is written as, essentially, a memoir that also intersperses pieces of advice that the author and her husband received in their CIA training. The book cuts to a short story from the husband every so often to give an example from his field-based spy experiences to illustrate the current discussion point.
I admit that before I read this book I looked at some of the reviews. I couldn’t believe that some people were saying that the book was a series of humblebrags, a demonstration of privilege, etc. I told myself there’s no way that could be the case, that I’d have a much different experience with and reaction to the book.
Well, I can’t say I had much of a different experience with the book. There were some pieces of advice that, while ultimately useful in an extreme situation, seemed pretty ridiculous for most people. For example, teaching your kids to ride motorcycles by the time they were maybe 8 or 10 years old AND owning enough motorcycles such that your entire family could escape on them if there was a disaster and the roads are jammed with cars. Is that ultimately a good thing if you’re facing a terrorist threat or apocalyptic event? Sure! Is it realistic or practical for a family to own this many motorcycles? Ummmm…I guess it’s up to each person but I think it’s absurd. Another example is teaching your kids how to bow hunt so they can both feed themselves if the economy breaks down and wow their classmates and put them to shame in gym when they cover using bows. Again, would this be useful in the doomsday scenario described? Yes. Is it a realistic thing? Depends on the person, but for me it’s a no.
I did find value in some of the softer skills the author recommended. Things like ways to build up trust with your kids (e.g., not using the phrase “I promise” too much, so your kids know that when you do use it and always follow through that they can trust it). Also, “getting off the X” (I.e., figuring out ways to get out of a dangerous situation) is extremely useful AND practical. Same with having “go bags” packed in case you ever have to leave in a hurry. Anyone can make a go back and you can make it into a fun activity for your kids.
So, I think there is some useful advice in this book for sure. However, it wasn’t delivered in a super entertaining way for the most part, and much of it came off as humblebragging over little details. One example is, to illustrate her perfectionism, the author details how she cried for days because she didn’t get to be valedictorian because she got one A- in high school. There are COUNTLESS ways to illustrate how you are a perfectionist. But this one specific way that the author used is all at once not relatable to nearly all of her audience and also unnecessary to get the point across. There are numerous other examples like that, and it just gives the whole book a weird feel.
In all, 2 stars is where I put this, no half or quarter points up or down. Just not my cup of tea.
The book is written as, essentially, a memoir that also intersperses pieces of advice that the author and her husband received in their CIA training. The book cuts to a short story from the husband every so often to give an example from his field-based spy experiences to illustrate the current discussion point.
I admit that before I read this book I looked at some of the reviews. I couldn’t believe that some people were saying that the book was a series of humblebrags, a demonstration of privilege, etc. I told myself there’s no way that could be the case, that I’d have a much different experience with and reaction to the book.
Well, I can’t say I had much of a different experience with the book. There were some pieces of advice that, while ultimately useful in an extreme situation, seemed pretty ridiculous for most people. For example, teaching your kids to ride motorcycles by the time they were maybe 8 or 10 years old AND owning enough motorcycles such that your entire family could escape on them if there was a disaster and the roads are jammed with cars. Is that ultimately a good thing if you’re facing a terrorist threat or apocalyptic event? Sure! Is it realistic or practical for a family to own this many motorcycles? Ummmm…I guess it’s up to each person but I think it’s absurd. Another example is teaching your kids how to bow hunt so they can both feed themselves if the economy breaks down and wow their classmates and put them to shame in gym when they cover using bows. Again, would this be useful in the doomsday scenario described? Yes. Is it a realistic thing? Depends on the person, but for me it’s a no.
I did find value in some of the softer skills the author recommended. Things like ways to build up trust with your kids (e.g., not using the phrase “I promise” too much, so your kids know that when you do use it and always follow through that they can trust it). Also, “getting off the X” (I.e., figuring out ways to get out of a dangerous situation) is extremely useful AND practical. Same with having “go bags” packed in case you ever have to leave in a hurry. Anyone can make a go back and you can make it into a fun activity for your kids.
So, I think there is some useful advice in this book for sure. However, it wasn’t delivered in a super entertaining way for the most part, and much of it came off as humblebragging over little details. One example is, to illustrate her perfectionism, the author details how she cried for days because she didn’t get to be valedictorian because she got one A- in high school. There are COUNTLESS ways to illustrate how you are a perfectionist. But this one specific way that the author used is all at once not relatable to nearly all of her audience and also unnecessary to get the point across. There are numerous other examples like that, and it just gives the whole book a weird feel.
In all, 2 stars is where I put this, no half or quarter points up or down. Just not my cup of tea.
July 20, 2021
I'd give this 3½ stars. It wasn't really for me, ultimately -- I ended up skimming some of the last chapters -- but it honestly seems like a good parenting approach. And the spy stories are fun.
I was a little put off by her referring to her children as "the Littles," her stepkids as "the Bigs" and her husband's ex-wife as "their bio-mom." The Little/Big dichotomy is a bit cutesy for me, whereas the "bio-mom" label seems rather dismissive; and perhaps unfairly so, since the Bigs still spend at least some of their time with their mother (as noted in chapter 12).
I was a little put off by her referring to her children as "the Littles," her stepkids as "the Bigs" and her husband's ex-wife as "their bio-mom." The Little/Big dichotomy is a bit cutesy for me, whereas the "bio-mom" label seems rather dismissive; and perhaps unfairly so, since the Bigs still spend at least some of their time with their mother (as noted in chapter 12).
July 9, 2022
The first half was good. It was a bit weird that there was a whole chapter dedicated to teaching essay-writing but I guess a lot of real spies spend a lot of times writing essays.
October 5, 2021
License to Parent lifts the curtain on the world of spies . . . and parenting! Combining these two topics kept me entertained, enthralled, curious and hungry for more! Christina Hillsberg, former CIA spy, and her husband, Ryan, also a former spy, share how they implemented concepts that they learned in their work training into their parenting practices. The results are intriguing and sometimes scary, but Christina is the primary author, and she shares her reflections and fears honestly and with humor as she explores the ins and outs of parenting from toddlers to teens. The book was a lot of fun to read, and the author was generous enough to share her tried and true strategies, always allowing readers to pick and choose what may work for them. She doesn’t force feed or preach her was as the only way. In fact, we, the reader, get to go on her own personal journey of questioning along the way, too — the use of motorcycles and knives for instance! — which made the book all the more real and entertaining at the same time. Thanks, Christina, for sharing these terrific ideas which I still plan to try on my mostly grown kids! Wish I had a few of these tips sooner! Now I have lots more to think about.
September 27, 2022
Had to sit with this one a bit before reviewing. They say if you see every problem as a nail you will always use a hammer. It really does give you the whole synopsis for the book in the title ala 'resourceful, self-sufficient kids.' It feels like it was written with her husband cause he gives his side to things and she does give lip service to those wanting to coddle and helicopter their kids but then she says how her husband really changer her mind. Don't get it wrong the advice in this parenting book is good advice and she does attempt to say not every rule is for every family. Eh, give it a try, at the least this book was a great shove for me to do way more to protect my kid, even if he needs to be given instruction and tools on how to protect himself.
I would recommend for those care givers that did want to give their kids knives when everyone else was ripping it out of their hands and calling the parent crazy. You might be crazy, but at least you will have company with this book.
I would recommend for those care givers that did want to give their kids knives when everyone else was ripping it out of their hands and calling the parent crazy. You might be crazy, but at least you will have company with this book.
December 20, 2023
I listened to this one on audiobook. I honestly really enjoyed it. Their backgrounds in the CIA were interesting to hear about, the writing was entertaining, and there were some useful pieces of advice. I also like how she always added, “if this isn’t your style…” to a lot of what they did, reminding her readers that this isn’t the only way to do things, and offering helpful alternatives. There were a few things that felt like they’d be a bit of a reach, but I was easily able to set those aside.
The lower rating (and honestly I would go more like 3.5 stars) is from 1. Length. It got to a point where the book felt like it dragged on a bit and 2. Accessibility. There were some tips, particularly in the first half of the book, that I would love to teach my kids, but don’t know how to do myself. There was no guidance on where we as parents could help fill these gaps before trying to reach our kids.
The lower rating (and honestly I would go more like 3.5 stars) is from 1. Length. It got to a point where the book felt like it dragged on a bit and 2. Accessibility. There were some tips, particularly in the first half of the book, that I would love to teach my kids, but don’t know how to do myself. There was no guidance on where we as parents could help fill these gaps before trying to reach our kids.
October 6, 2022
There were some good points here, but also some obvious misses (advice on teaching kids to stay calm under pressure would have been awesome), and most of the points were covered only superficially. Fewer, deeper points would have been better. There was also a level of paranoia that I couldn’t get behind, such as teaching your kids to read license plates backwards and ensure they always sit facing the door.
The insistence that the CIA is “the good guys” and always protect their assets hit me a bit wrong too having just read about how the CIA gets people to divulge information during visa applications to essentially pressure them into becoming an asset and about their failures to protect assets in Afghanistan.
The insistence that the CIA is “the good guys” and always protect their assets hit me a bit wrong too having just read about how the CIA gets people to divulge information during visa applications to essentially pressure them into becoming an asset and about their failures to protect assets in Afghanistan.
June 20, 2023
This book reads fast and is well-organized. The way the authors interleave stories from the CIA with parenting tips and real parenting scenarios is a fun and compelling balance. As a whole, I think the parenting approach is a bit extreme as a model and likely not reproducible for us non-spy-trained parents. But it's also helpful to have such a cohesive model to pull from. They manage to endorse a "be prepared" lifestyle without too much of the politically-cynical and ultimately selfish "prepper" ethos. I appreciate that they talk about this as a project from themselves and there is not a perfect version of this. I'll definitely be reflecting on the book's advice as I carry-on in my parenting journey, thought I'm not going to run out to buy bows and arrows for my kids anytime soon.
January 18, 2022
This is such an engaging and fast read! If you are a parent of a child under the age of 21, this is a must read. Heck, I even learned skills I can apply for myself, so you don’t need to be a parent. But this is definitely a don’t miss for the parents out there.
Parents who are former CIA analysts use the skills they learned to help their kids become safe, resourceful and productive members of society. There are skills for all ages. But what I love, besides the CIA perspective, which is totally cool, is the narrative feel of this book. You don’t feel like you are getting a lecture. It doesn’t feel like a typical nonfiction book. It feels like a story and that you want to be friends with the authors!
Thank you so much to Putnam books for this gifted copy!
Parents who are former CIA analysts use the skills they learned to help their kids become safe, resourceful and productive members of society. There are skills for all ages. But what I love, besides the CIA perspective, which is totally cool, is the narrative feel of this book. You don’t feel like you are getting a lecture. It doesn’t feel like a typical nonfiction book. It feels like a story and that you want to be friends with the authors!
Thank you so much to Putnam books for this gifted copy!
July 21, 2021
This book was excellent. It was a very practical guide for parents looking to balance parenting styles and empowering children in this age of helicopter parents. It was also a good look at how two parents with very different outlooks on life and parenting styles can come together and find the things that they can both offer their kids to help them grow and mature. This is one of my favorite parenting books I have read. It would be five stars if it weren't for some of the occasional (and unnecessary) language.
August 3, 2021
The parenting book I didn’t know I needed
Confession time: when I won this book from Goodreads, I thought it was a lighthearted fiction read. I suppose I didn’t read the description carefully. I was surprised when I found that it was not only a parenting book but also an interesting, funny, and useful one. At first glance, it doesn’t seem that CIA training principles could possibly apply to parenting, but Hillsberg does a great job making the concept applicable. I learned tips for parenting as well as some for my own life.
Confession time: when I won this book from Goodreads, I thought it was a lighthearted fiction read. I suppose I didn’t read the description carefully. I was surprised when I found that it was not only a parenting book but also an interesting, funny, and useful one. At first glance, it doesn’t seem that CIA training principles could possibly apply to parenting, but Hillsberg does a great job making the concept applicable. I learned tips for parenting as well as some for my own life.
September 24, 2021
i read passages of this aloud to my british in-laws who are alternately horrified by and deeply amused by american parenting.
exceedingly minor quibbles:
- i think coffee would make a better trade commodity to stock up on than cigs (increasingly rare w climate change, fewer smokers, if we're all living in a dystopian jail there's not too much the ciggies can do for you anyways)
-teaching kids how to use cia persuasive tactics to get extra credit is sort of everything that's wrong with america.
exceedingly minor quibbles:
- i think coffee would make a better trade commodity to stock up on than cigs (increasingly rare w climate change, fewer smokers, if we're all living in a dystopian jail there's not too much the ciggies can do for you anyways)
-teaching kids how to use cia persuasive tactics to get extra credit is sort of everything that's wrong with america.
April 3, 2023
A useful and interesting book if you're trying to raise children who are:
-capable of thinking through an emergency and acting wisely (sometimes this means disobeying authority, depending on the situation)
-able to identify dangerous situations quickly and act fast to "Get off the x" (CIA-lingo for "get away from danger")
-able to find common ground with anyone they meet to develop good relationships
-able to spot someone who may be following them and what to do about it
[If you're just wanting the nitty-gritty help from this book, skip the first three (biographical) chapters.]
-capable of thinking through an emergency and acting wisely (sometimes this means disobeying authority, depending on the situation)
-able to identify dangerous situations quickly and act fast to "Get off the x" (CIA-lingo for "get away from danger")
-able to find common ground with anyone they meet to develop good relationships
-able to spot someone who may be following them and what to do about it
[If you're just wanting the nitty-gritty help from this book, skip the first three (biographical) chapters.]
August 22, 2022
If I had stopped reading after the first third of this book, I would have given it 1 star. Probably the only reason I continued was to see what other stupid, impractical advice was coming up. I gave this 4 stars on the basis of her excellent advice on helping young ones communicate, on advice on social media, and on being perfectly imperfect. The best parenting advice is to use common sense but she's spelled it for those parents who aren't sure what that means!😌
January 23, 2022
Entertaining, interesting, well-written!
I thoroughly enjoyed this book for so many reasons. The parenting ideas are thought-provoking. My kids are away in college and I still found helpful and relevant information. I like the author’s writing style — clear, succinct, and organized. Best of all are the entertaining stories from her and husband’s experience in the CIA. I highly recommend!
I thoroughly enjoyed this book for so many reasons. The parenting ideas are thought-provoking. My kids are away in college and I still found helpful and relevant information. I like the author’s writing style — clear, succinct, and organized. Best of all are the entertaining stories from her and husband’s experience in the CIA. I highly recommend!
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