What do you think?
Rate this book
345 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 6, 2020
That was the day I died. That was the day my parents were given the news and were left to mourn for me. That was the day the vampires decided that they’d tear my life away from me, and now… now I’m going to ruin their lives. I’m going to destroy them all.
“Well hello there, normal detective.”
“Is… Is that what I am?” I ask, confused.
“Well, yes. Karsyn’s the sexy one, Marcus is the evil one, and Finn is the loud one.”
“Who are you calling loud?” Finn shouts.
“See?” Claude asks with a grin. “Loud.”
So far all I know about you is that on occasion you turn into a bat, you like meat pies, and you’re into unicorn porn.”
“Are any actually bulls?”
“Shhh, just pretend those droopy things are testicles.”
“Their udders?” I ask.
“Testicles.”
“Four of them?”
He looks so amused by this that I can’t keep the huge smile I’m wearing at bay. “Yep. Special bulls,” he says before pointing at a tall stout one who is scrutinizing us.
“Alexei, let me sit on your lap,” Claude says as he climbs in. The moment he’s in, the car takes off and he falls into all of our laps. Even though Finn is the smallest of us, he gets the roomy front seat as the four of us have to cram into the back while Claude crushes my nuts with his hand. “Whoops. Alexei, I accidentally fondled Bentley, what should I do?” Claude asks.
Although no one else calls me by my first name much, he now seems to think he’s on a first-name basis with everyone in the group.
“Maybe go home?” Alexei says. “You’re not sitting on my lap. Climb in the far back.”
Claude looks at me. “Since we already made it to third base, how about a bit of lap time?” he asks as he climbs onto my lap without waiting for permission.
(…) but he’s cute, so I let him do anything he wants. Which… seems to be the story of our life so far.
(...) his cries seem to sate Banshee who climbs onto his head and just sits down. “Your cat’s butthole is on my cheek.”
“She just got done licking it, so it’s fine!”
“You know she’s doing this to try to kill me, right? Last night, I woke up with her on my face suffocating me. If I were human, I would have died.”
“Your cat is evil!” Bentley says.
“Evil but cute, right?” I ask as Banshee wraps herself around Bentley’s leg and proceeds to rear her head back, mouth open before chomping down. “Gosh, look how cute she is!”