Truth in Dating: Finding Love by Getting Real

by Susan M. Campbell, Gay Hendricks (Foreword by)

Truth in Dating provides a set of simple yet profound awareness practices that support finding and relating to your soulmate. Rather than play the usual "dating game" of trying to be something they aren’t, readers will learn how to relate truthfully with those they date. This honesty will help them understand what they crave and need in a relationship and thus evaluate suitors. It will also help them to realistically examine what a romantic partner can – and can’t – offer in the way of fulfillment and happiness.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships

336 pages, Paperback

First published December 12, 2003

Reviews

[Douglas Larson · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you were to poll a hundred people and ask them if they believe that honesty is a value in dating and other relationships, I suspect you would find at least 95%, if not more, would say yes. In this book, author Susan Campbell's key points, as well as my own personal experience, indicate that many people don't really understand and a few don't even support the idea of honesty when it comes to significant relationships.

This book, one of the best books I have read in decades, is about truth in relationships. As the title implies, the primary focus of this book is about dating but the ideas and concepts presented apply to ANY relationship. Campbell says as much herself in the book.
One of Campbell's main points is to choose to be honest in your relationships simply for the sake of being transparent and authentic. In contrast she talks about how so many relationships are about either one or both people setting up situations or posturing so that they maximize benefits to themselves or minimize unwanted reaction from the partner. Its amazing how pervasive that mindset is in our culture.

Campbell gives a short quiz at the beginning of the book as a tool to see how truthful you are in your relationships. As a person who has generally striven to be honest I found it a bit humbling to find a few instances where I wasn't and didn't realize it.

I find that often people think that being completely honest with a partner means to reveal every detail about their past to the other person.
I think it important to note that I don't believe it is Campbell's premise that one must necessarily reveal every detail and fact about themselves to a dating (or other realtionship) partner. One could certainly take that approach but I don't believe that Campbell is advocating that and I don't think its always necessary . What IS Campbell's premise is that if you are withholding information from a partner what is your motivation and intention for doing so? If its because you fear a certain reaction then that is precisely the situation when you should be revealing it (and admitting your fears for doing it). Facts about your life that you are completely done and over with where you have zero energy about someone knowing about needn't be revealed. But the key point here is that many people, even many of those that claim to be, are not truly 100% done with some aspects of their past. So Campbell advocates honesty for the sake of being transparent and being real. We are most attractive and most lovable when we do so.

I have recommended this book to many, many people over the years since I read it. Its definitely worth reading.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm on my second time through this book. Written by a woman who lived on The Farm community. This is a great book, for any single, or even those in steady relationships. It's about showing up as authentically as possible, moving beyond the fears associated with truth telling, and taking responsibility for one's own happiness... no relationship is ever going to make up happy. I can see the influence of Eastern wisdom in here. It emphasizes the power of vulnerability. How opening a space of real honesty and making oneself vulnerable is actually a great strength that people can feel and respond to. Truth and honesty is the only hope for relationships to work. This book gives great examples, practices, debunks common myths and is written in clear, engaging relatable language, an easy read. Here's to making love work by total acceptance of self and other.

[Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard Susan Campbell present at a conference on Science and Non-duality (SAND), and I found this book of hers in the conference bookstore. I've told friends and dates about the basic premise, and people tend to agree. But there is something radical in actually putting that principle to use in your life. The book is about being radically honest in your relationships. What comes from that, is actually putting your own spiritual development ahead of your commitment to the relationship. For many people in our culture, we desire the security, comfort and stability of a committed relationship, and we are willing to bend, ignore or evade the truth when doing so would lead to conflict. So, whether you are flirting, dating, married or in some other stage of relationship, the invitation is to be honest with yourself and your partner. In many cases, this might lead to a sooner end to the relationship than would have happened if we avoided the confrontation, but if we are serious about our spiritual development, recognizing the importance of honesty is a helpful guide.

There are a few aspects of the book that feel dated. Susan might have been in her 50s when writing it in the 90s, and I'm in my 30s now, so there is at least 1 generation gap between us. Still, I'm glad I read the book and I recommend it to others.

[Douglas Lord · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ten years prior to writing the book, psychologist Campbell, then 50, found herself single after many years of marriage. To pick up the pieces, she put her considerable professional wisdom and life experience to work. The lesson she shares here: be yourself. Campbell's personal, encouraging book (an ironic follow-up of sorts to her preceding work, The Couple's Journey: Intimacy as a Path to Wholeness) focuses on keeping dignity and integrity intact through the dating process. While relating her own experiences and those of others, she advocates using "dating as an awareness practice" for learning, growing, and ultimately being dependent on a relationship for a sense of well-being. "Truth skills" (e.g., giving and asking for feedback, sharing mixed emotions) help readers remain honest with themselves and with prospective mates. Recommended.

Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.

[Nickjames · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love, love this book. Read it twice. Not only is Susan Campbell a good writer and easy to follow, her story telling gives insight to her theories and "the skills" she's sharing. Her motto: "honesty, the only hope for relationships." This book has made my life easier in so many ways, I super appreciate Susan Campbell for this book. I recommend it to anyone interested in a genuine relationship. I think her 10-truths skills should be taught in every school across the globe. I think this is in my top 5 favorite books of all time. Plus, it's forwarded by Gay Hendricks, whom I love and the final chapters help the reader heal past relationships as to get current and available for true love. Take the challenge!

[Denis Karataev · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do believe that's a great book not only for dating but for the relationship, friendship, self-accepting and even self-esteem. I want to rate it as 5 star, since it was very helpful for me, but I sadly found the book a little bit repetitive and boring in some places.