It's nearing a year since I couldn't bring myself to finish reading this book at around three quarters of the way through. To be honest, I almost flung my iPad across the room I was so upset. In the past ten months, I kept considering picking it up again, but then I remembered why I stopped and all the feelings of rejection, that surged like a wave that day, come back to me and I choose something else to read.
I am writing this review to share my thoughts on why I had this visceral reaction to one scene in this book, which has utterly ruined the experience for me.
Brydie was a character I'd grown to love and respect over the course of the first three books in the series. She is tough but vulnerable, utterly relatable considering the crazy situation she's been flung into and the fact she lacked any real support network. The person who was supposed to provide her with emotional support was actually part of the reason she was emotionally unstable. But it was well written and believable. Well-written and engaging. Additionally, the foil of Cailleach and the history of the "daughter of winter" tradition gave balance because there was this other strong female character who allowed herself to become vulnerable, who chose meaningfulness and love over power, but who suffered tremendously for it. She offered balance to Brydie's story and I had high hopes for the interplay of the dual timeline.
I was loving Winter's Legion too. The double storyline was giving even more depth to the narrative by this stage, Brydie was finally coming into her own and I was really starting to appreciate her character, when she went and made a decision that to me was completely unfathomable. It was simply something I couldn't conceive of this character doing. It was a cliché that robbed Brydie of every characteristic I liked about her and turned her into a soppy idiot. Additionally, this action made Brydie repeat errors that had already been detailed in Cailleach's story, repeating history and creating a truly upsetting scenario because instead of balancing the scales, Brydie's "choice" tipped everything over the edge for me.
Add to all of this the fact that as I read the scene, I could clearly see the clichéd outcome coming and could tell that it was the author pushing for a particular result for the sake of the plot, disregarding the character's true nature. What upset me most was that I could see several ways of generating the same outcome in less used/clichéd ways that would have stayed true to who I saw Brydie as having become over the course of the four books in the series.
When I consider the idea of picking up "Winter's Legion" again to at least finish it, because I'm the type who hates not finishing a book because I always want to judge it in its entirety, I find myself faced with the kneejerk reaction of wanting to both slap Brydie and smash my iPad. So, I still haven't picked it up again. Considering the amount of time that's gone by, I'm actually quite surprised by how violent my disappointment still is when it comes to that scene. I have been utterly shattered by it, and having some understanding through experience and learning about how Post Traumatic Stress works, I fell that is the closest explanation I can offer for what I am going through.
This book has brought me face-to-face with the fact that one can, indeed, suffer from "bookish PTS", just as one can suffer from a "book hangover". I have now decided to make peace with the fact that I will never finish this series, even though that decision fills me with sadness because I really did love Brydie very much, but I have totally lost all respect for her and who wants to continue on an adventure with a person they don't respect or even like anymore?
Although I know this will probably not be the last book to trigger an experience of bookish PTS in me, it is the first to have done so, a fact I cannot change. I hope, in time I'll be able to let go completely and simply forget about this book, but for the time being I am stuck pondering the situation and what it brought up for me, and also what it has taught me about writing. Hopefully, writing down my thoughts and sharing them will help me overcome some of the anguish that surges every time I think about or see the cover of "Winter's Legion".