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My Father the Murderer: A Reckoning with the Past
This was Nina Young’s shocking realisation in her mid-twenties, when she found out from online court records that her estranged father, Allan Ladd, had strangled a woman to death decades before. In prison he’d met Denise, Nina’s mother, who was his tutor. Although Denise didn’t know the extent of Allan’s crime when she fell in love with him, by the time she found out, she was in too deep. She had to flee from him before Nina turned two.
A decade after reading the court records, Nina, now a journalist, decided to release a podcast to tackle the questions she’d been asking herself ever since. How did her mother fall in love with a murderer? What happened to Conan, Nina’s estranged half-brother, who spent his formative years in Allan’s care? How much do your origins determine your destiny?
This is the story behind the podcast, taking Nina on a cross-country journey to retrace her steps. It is also Denise’s story, of falling in love with a charismatic, intelligent prisoner who turned out to be violent and callous. Unburdening herself of the stigma she carried with her for thirty years, Denise writes of what it took to leave and rebuild her life in the wake of the destruction Allan caused.
A decade after reading the court records, Nina, now a journalist, decided to release a podcast to tackle the questions she’d been asking herself ever since. How did her mother fall in love with a murderer? What happened to Conan, Nina’s estranged half-brother, who spent his formative years in Allan’s care? How much do your origins determine your destiny?
This is the story behind the podcast, taking Nina on a cross-country journey to retrace her steps. It is also Denise’s story, of falling in love with a charismatic, intelligent prisoner who turned out to be violent and callous. Unburdening herself of the stigma she carried with her for thirty years, Denise writes of what it took to leave and rebuild her life in the wake of the destruction Allan caused.
272 pages, Paperback
Published June 1, 2021
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84 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
November 25, 2021
‘Was it even possible to truly know who you are if you didn’t understand where you came from?’
This is Nina Young’s story, of an uncomfortable search for the truth about her estranged father, Allan Ladd. This is also Denise Young’s story, about how she became involved with Allan Ladd, why she left him and the challenges afterwards.
This book arose out of a six-part podcast series in which Nina told her story. But as Nina writes, the podcast did not answer everything. The book came about, in Nina’s words ‘... as a way for us [Nina and Denise] to bond as we searched for the last pieces of the emotional puzzle that is our lives.’
The chapters of the book alternate between Nina and Denise. Nina writes of her shock at discovering that her father had strangled a woman to death, Denise writes of how she fell in love with Allan while working as a tutor at the gaol in which he was imprisoned. Denise fled from Allan when Nina was very young and worked hard to establish a new life. But Allan cast a long shadow over their lives: another murder, a half-brother who needed a home. Nina’s search for truth was uncomfortable and confronting, Denise found the process difficult and liberating. The two of them became closer as a consequence.
This is a well-written and moving account of what must have been a very difficult journey for both women. Denise may have been reluctant to revisit the past, but she found the courage to do so. And Nina? What a complicated story she had to unpack. Learning that your father was a murderer would be challenging enough, but to search through the past for the truth, to find the details must have been overwhelming.
A courageous journey by both women, through a past full of psychological minefields, hopefully to a more comfortable future.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
This is Nina Young’s story, of an uncomfortable search for the truth about her estranged father, Allan Ladd. This is also Denise Young’s story, about how she became involved with Allan Ladd, why she left him and the challenges afterwards.
This book arose out of a six-part podcast series in which Nina told her story. But as Nina writes, the podcast did not answer everything. The book came about, in Nina’s words ‘... as a way for us [Nina and Denise] to bond as we searched for the last pieces of the emotional puzzle that is our lives.’
The chapters of the book alternate between Nina and Denise. Nina writes of her shock at discovering that her father had strangled a woman to death, Denise writes of how she fell in love with Allan while working as a tutor at the gaol in which he was imprisoned. Denise fled from Allan when Nina was very young and worked hard to establish a new life. But Allan cast a long shadow over their lives: another murder, a half-brother who needed a home. Nina’s search for truth was uncomfortable and confronting, Denise found the process difficult and liberating. The two of them became closer as a consequence.
This is a well-written and moving account of what must have been a very difficult journey for both women. Denise may have been reluctant to revisit the past, but she found the courage to do so. And Nina? What a complicated story she had to unpack. Learning that your father was a murderer would be challenging enough, but to search through the past for the truth, to find the details must have been overwhelming.
A courageous journey by both women, through a past full of psychological minefields, hopefully to a more comfortable future.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
November 29, 2021
At first I didn't find the writing very compelling, but the story soon sucked me in and I couldn't stop reading. I finished the book in about 3 hours. I had not listened to the podcast and I don't know if the book necessarily would drive me to check it out. What I appreciated in the book was the honest search for answers and for connections, and the Western Australian setting of parts of the story also meant it piqued my interest even more. It also deepened my thinking on the intergenerational and life-long impact of violence and trauma, particularly on children.
September 10, 2021
An interesting true story told by two equally engaging yet different points of view. I wish goodreads did half stars to make it 3.5 stars 😭
August 15, 2021
What a book. Hearing the voices of the victims and the repercussions of their experiences first hand, we need to have and hear this. Well done to the two women, what a painful journey and to write and share your story. I read it in one day, the writing is clear and concise. Thoughtful. Also refers to the amazing book of See What You Made Me Do.
April 21, 2021
MY FATHER, THE MURDERER by Nina Young and Denise Young
Review by Ian Smith
I confess I met one once, i.e., a lady on a train en route to Lithgow Gaol who had fallen for a prisoner she now believed was innocent and would soon be turning his life around. This is where history comes in. Had she read a book like this she would hopefully have realised that women and, occasionally, men, much more purportedly intelligent than her, have fallen for the same ruse and spiel.
This excellently written book (they’re both journalistically inclined) alternates; with succeeding chapters written by either the wife or daughter. Both are very erudite and it moves along at an excellent pace.
Mum, it must be said, despite being very well educated, doesn’t have a great track record when it comes to relationships.
It’s all about when mum, settled down in Perth with a baby from a first marriage and supported by a man prepared to accept these circumstances, goes looking for a job, ends up teaching prison inmates and, well, the rest is history as they say. She falls for her student who has killed a woman. The full details of the violent crime are not revealed to her and he pleads that he is a changed man. Sadly, she believes him.
Her boyfriend departs because her love has gone elsewhere and, when released from prison, Allan and Denise become a couple. Oh dear. They have Nina, the co-writer, and things began to disintegrate.
There’s also a later son of Allan called Conan who eventually ends up “living” (I used inverted commas because it was a transient existence) with his father after Denise does a moonlight flit to Sydney. Later, Allan commits another homicide.
Years pass and, while daughter ultimately decides to do a podcast about her life, mom is reluctant but, ultimately, this book results after a fictional version earlier. There is understandable reluctance to air the dirty washing but, tellingly, one chapter delves into how much a relief it was to finally unburden oneself of such a secret. There is a loud and clear message there, not only in this case but in life generally.
The fact that humans are essentially pack animals and have to cling to a leader, however irrational they may be, is summed up by “We’re hard wired to believe in something that will give life meaning so we’re more likely than not to believe what these skilled manipulators tell us.” (See, Trump, D.)
As daughter Nina goes searching Australia wide for podcast material the reason for such an exercise was explained once thus: “Bonding…you know, united against the past”. It’s as if purging oneself of the demons to other people will help healing and, guess what, it works.
Things emerge as the past is further delved into. Murderer Allan, who everyone believed was of aboriginal stock, is, in fact, an ancestor of a Sikh immigrant.
Denise’s blinkers over Allan are totally removed when, for the first time, she reads the transcript of the court hearing and is horrified to discover the chilling detail of what he and another male actually did to the lady before and during when she was murdered.
Another revealing thing in the book is a psychological study that discovered that 20% of pathological abusers show a declining heart rate when they’re getting angry. The effect on offspring is documented, explained and downright scary. One begets the other. The unanswered question for me is: How can we stop it all happening over and over again?
The finale is when we read letters composed by both of them. Emotions are to the fore and feelings are being expunged. Somehow, there’s no finality to it, just an easing of the burden. I wish them both well. A roller coaster read with a recommendation from me.
Review by Ian Smith
I confess I met one once, i.e., a lady on a train en route to Lithgow Gaol who had fallen for a prisoner she now believed was innocent and would soon be turning his life around. This is where history comes in. Had she read a book like this she would hopefully have realised that women and, occasionally, men, much more purportedly intelligent than her, have fallen for the same ruse and spiel.
This excellently written book (they’re both journalistically inclined) alternates; with succeeding chapters written by either the wife or daughter. Both are very erudite and it moves along at an excellent pace.
Mum, it must be said, despite being very well educated, doesn’t have a great track record when it comes to relationships.
It’s all about when mum, settled down in Perth with a baby from a first marriage and supported by a man prepared to accept these circumstances, goes looking for a job, ends up teaching prison inmates and, well, the rest is history as they say. She falls for her student who has killed a woman. The full details of the violent crime are not revealed to her and he pleads that he is a changed man. Sadly, she believes him.
Her boyfriend departs because her love has gone elsewhere and, when released from prison, Allan and Denise become a couple. Oh dear. They have Nina, the co-writer, and things began to disintegrate.
There’s also a later son of Allan called Conan who eventually ends up “living” (I used inverted commas because it was a transient existence) with his father after Denise does a moonlight flit to Sydney. Later, Allan commits another homicide.
Years pass and, while daughter ultimately decides to do a podcast about her life, mom is reluctant but, ultimately, this book results after a fictional version earlier. There is understandable reluctance to air the dirty washing but, tellingly, one chapter delves into how much a relief it was to finally unburden oneself of such a secret. There is a loud and clear message there, not only in this case but in life generally.
The fact that humans are essentially pack animals and have to cling to a leader, however irrational they may be, is summed up by “We’re hard wired to believe in something that will give life meaning so we’re more likely than not to believe what these skilled manipulators tell us.” (See, Trump, D.)
As daughter Nina goes searching Australia wide for podcast material the reason for such an exercise was explained once thus: “Bonding…you know, united against the past”. It’s as if purging oneself of the demons to other people will help healing and, guess what, it works.
Things emerge as the past is further delved into. Murderer Allan, who everyone believed was of aboriginal stock, is, in fact, an ancestor of a Sikh immigrant.
Denise’s blinkers over Allan are totally removed when, for the first time, she reads the transcript of the court hearing and is horrified to discover the chilling detail of what he and another male actually did to the lady before and during when she was murdered.
Another revealing thing in the book is a psychological study that discovered that 20% of pathological abusers show a declining heart rate when they’re getting angry. The effect on offspring is documented, explained and downright scary. One begets the other. The unanswered question for me is: How can we stop it all happening over and over again?
The finale is when we read letters composed by both of them. Emotions are to the fore and feelings are being expunged. Somehow, there’s no finality to it, just an easing of the burden. I wish them both well. A roller coaster read with a recommendation from me.
September 7, 2022
In her mid twenties, Nina Young discovered that her estranged father, Allan Ladd, is a murderer. While in prison, Denise, Nina’s mother, met Allan and fell in love with the man despite not knowing the full extent of his crimes. By the time Denise discovered his crimes and his real personality, she was in way too deep. By the time Nina was two, mother and daughter fled.
After years of anger and uncertainty as a youngster, Nina became a journalist. After reading her father’s court records, Nina decided to release a podcast about her life, her father’s crimes and how her mum fell in love with a convicted murderer. Nina also manages to track down her half-brother, Conan, and how is life turned out after growing up with Allan. Denise’s story of falling in love with a prisoner who is in for murder is also discussed. Denise tell us her story of humiliation of falling in love with a killer, how she tried to protect her family and how she rebuilt her life. Allan cast a shadow over their lives for a long time. This is the story on how these women searched for the truth and processed their lives after meeting Allan.
—
This is a difficult journey for both women but you can see how their relationship really grew. The chapters of this book alternate between Nina and Denise so it is pretty interesting to see mother and daughter reactions and thoughts to each other.
I read/watch/listen to a lot of true crime but this is a different view to the norm. I hadn’t really thought of the thinking and feelings to those in Nina and Denise’s position. This point of view definitely kept me engaged throughout the story. We need more stories from victims and the repercussions of their experiences. Overall, you can see the courage of both of these women.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Nina - ‘In order for me to be born, a stranger had to die’.
After years of anger and uncertainty as a youngster, Nina became a journalist. After reading her father’s court records, Nina decided to release a podcast about her life, her father’s crimes and how her mum fell in love with a convicted murderer. Nina also manages to track down her half-brother, Conan, and how is life turned out after growing up with Allan. Denise’s story of falling in love with a prisoner who is in for murder is also discussed. Denise tell us her story of humiliation of falling in love with a killer, how she tried to protect her family and how she rebuilt her life. Allan cast a shadow over their lives for a long time. This is the story on how these women searched for the truth and processed their lives after meeting Allan.
—
This is a difficult journey for both women but you can see how their relationship really grew. The chapters of this book alternate between Nina and Denise so it is pretty interesting to see mother and daughter reactions and thoughts to each other.
I read/watch/listen to a lot of true crime but this is a different view to the norm. I hadn’t really thought of the thinking and feelings to those in Nina and Denise’s position. This point of view definitely kept me engaged throughout the story. We need more stories from victims and the repercussions of their experiences. Overall, you can see the courage of both of these women.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Nina - ‘In order for me to be born, a stranger had to die’.
August 10, 2021
My Father the Murderer by Nina and Denise Young is nothing but an extraordinary writing about there past and the present. The detailed writing by both mother and daughter is raw and honest about there feelings and what it was like to know someone who was a brutal horrible person and a murderer. The courage shown by both is just exceptional.
Once you start reading the book, it is hard to put it down. The strength shown by Denise by leaving Allan, someone she knew and loved, someone who was a domestic violence abuser is amazing. The way Nina conquers through life and makes it her passion and mission to find out who her father was and to have a closer was just incredible to see.
I can’t recommend this book enough. If you like reading true crime, this is definitely one you should read.
Once you start reading the book, it is hard to put it down. The strength shown by Denise by leaving Allan, someone she knew and loved, someone who was a domestic violence abuser is amazing. The way Nina conquers through life and makes it her passion and mission to find out who her father was and to have a closer was just incredible to see.
I can’t recommend this book enough. If you like reading true crime, this is definitely one you should read.
June 29, 2021
Journalist Nina Young was shocked when she found out through court records that her estranged father Allan Ladd had strangled a woman decades before.
Her mother Denise had been his tutor in prison and fallen in love with him. By the time she found out the truth about his crime she was in too deep and had to flee with Nina as a toddler.
This story is told from the alternating viewpoints of Denise and Nina as they examine their relationships with Ladd, the trauma his actions have caused them and how they have rebuilt their lives.
A roller coaster of a read, you won't be able to put it down.
Her mother Denise had been his tutor in prison and fallen in love with him. By the time she found out the truth about his crime she was in too deep and had to flee with Nina as a toddler.
This story is told from the alternating viewpoints of Denise and Nina as they examine their relationships with Ladd, the trauma his actions have caused them and how they have rebuilt their lives.
A roller coaster of a read, you won't be able to put it down.
July 13, 2021
Phenomenal. Nina and Denise, daughter and mother, tell their stories in turns and it is beautiful, heartbreaking, raw, honest, open and vital. Nina details her life living in the shadow of a secret, finding out the truth, and then confronting all that it is. This is a story of bravery and pain and relates to more than jsut a story of domestic violence, but of a country plagued by intergenerational trauma and the need to heal. Just outstanding work from this amazing journalist and her mother, well done ladies.
October 6, 2021
Very courageous of Nina and her mother to put this story to paper.
January 2, 2022
The emotional roller-coaster from the victims is what people need to hear more of.
January 17, 2022
An interesting look into the story behind a podcast series. Beautiful writing, and an important look into ‘sins of the father’.
March 6, 2023
I loved how respectful Nina was towards the victim's family.
August 2, 2021
Raw & honest story by authors, Denise & Nina Young (mother & daughter duo).
A well written insight into their account of being at the hands of a domestic violence abuser. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. A real page turner, well done ladies
A well written insight into their account of being at the hands of a domestic violence abuser. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. A real page turner, well done ladies
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews