Motherwhelmed

by Beth Berry

Today’s mothers are struggling; though, it's not for the reasons most moms tend to think. We’ve been conditioned to believe our inadequacy is the reason we can’t seem to “keep up” or enjoy mothering more, but nothing could be further from the truth.

We aren’t failing as mothers. We’re mothering within a culture that is misleading and inadequately supporting us.

Motherwhelmed is a deep, yet lighthearted exploration of the messy frontier of modern-day motherhood we’re all struggling to navigate. With compassion, realness, and rich storytelling, Beth Berry:

• Illuminates the mindsets and narratives keeping us feeling overwhelmed, disempowered, anxious, isolated, and riddled with self-doubt

• Provides the perspectives and tools needed for mothers to rewrite their stories and reclaim a sense of wholeness

• Shares from her 25 years as an idealistic, passionate, all-in mother of four daughters

• Reminds us of our worthiness and reframes our importance

This is not a book about parenting. It’s a book about mothers, our greatness, and how important it is that we thrive. It’s about untangling ourselves from the stories keeping us trapped and deconstructing those we’ve outgrown. It’s about daring the lives we’re here to live and, thereby, giving our children permission to do the same.

Until we begin to organize our lives around not only our children’s worthiness but also our own, mothers everywhere will continue to bear the brunt of cultural pain and dysfunction. This matters because we cannot be the changemakers we’re meant to be while so heavily burdened.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Womens, Personal Growth

214 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 10, 2020

Reviews

[Christa · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the way that Brene Brown changed the conversation on shame & vulnerability in our culture, Beth Berry is set to do the same with Motherwhelmed. That's how powerful this book is.

It's the kind of book that gave me chills, left me teary-eyed, and wanting more as soon as it was over. I knew instantly it was going to be one of those that changed my life forever. I felt validated, seen, and understood in the internal struggles I've been having since becoming a mother. It's almost like the author was in my head and my heart as she articulated with a fierce gentleness so much of my own experience. The writing felt like a firm hug from a good friend - someone who's just ahead of you on the mothering path and is whispering back at you "you got this mama, and I'm here to help".

The author's wisdom and dedication to changing how mothers exist in the world shined through with every word. She takes the modern motherhood paradigm and stands it on its head, all while reassuring you that you're not crazy for desiring a better, different version of motherhood than the one we've been sold.

I've already ordered a second copy as a gift and will be recommending it to all my mama friends. If you read one book in 2020, let it be Motherwhelmed, I promise you won't be disappointed.

[Brandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A validating, cathartic, and necessary read for every modern mother. Motherwhelmed is food for the soul as it brilliantly unpacks the inner and outer barriers to our authenticity and true happiness as overworked moms. Berry candidly shares her deeply relatable missteps and misgivings as a parent, along with her journey back to herself, giving mothers everywhere an inspiring and do-able blueprint for their own peace, healing, and relief from care-taking overwhelm. Berry also empowers the reader by pointing out our real superpowers as moms - and psssst - it’s not "doing it all!” A brilliant book by a true changemaker.

[Megan Moir · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book blew me away completely. To any modern woman struggling with all that life throws your way...READ THIS BOOK. Hands down the best book on self healing and growth I believe I have ever read.

Update 3/21: I read this book a SECOND time. I rarely re-read books, there are just too many books I want to read that I haven’t read yet. However, this book is magical. I had been feeling down on myself. My life just never felt “together.” I kept feeling like I was failing all across the board and I was struggling with burnt out. I’d tell myself “well its the pandemic and no one can do it all with kids at home 100% of the time.” However, this feeling I carried, the 'my life has no purpose other than to tend to chaos' feeling, I hate it. I hate feeling like I’m never done. I would always tell myself to “motivate” myself to do what I should be doing that once I was done, as a reward I can relax or do what I really want to be doing. But what happens when you are never done? When one “should” is followed by 1000 more? Insanity that’s what. A total unenjoyment of life! This is why I believe parents burn out. Why employees burn out. Why anyone burns out. Too many shoulds. Beth Berry proposes the idea that our “shoulds” are really unexamined stories or contracts we’ve unknowingly signed or adopted. Maybe those stories were passed down to us. Maybe they are promoted by culture. It is up to each of us to examine our stories we tell ourselves about what we should be doing and see if they hold water. I took my highlighter along on this second ride with me through Berry’s Motherwhelmed. Kid you not, I underlined maybe 50% of her words. Truth is spoken in these pages and EVERY mother needs to read this book to liberate herself from her own oppression.

[Sophie Spiegler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is revolutionary. As a first time mum, motherhood fell from grace pretty quickly for me. I feel that as a woman, I have been set up to fail as a mum from birth (mine!), with almost every message from my culture, and I have worked really hard in the past 2 years to understand why I've felt like a failure so often when I'm actually an educated, hardworking and nurturing person. This book describes it all… the great, the bad and the ugly. And so much more. In ways that feels like the writer has crawled into my own head and taken out the words. And yet, having read the book I feel more empowered than I ever have, to create a future for my child that I could only have dreamed off, and the best bit is that I can do this, at the same time as creating my own amazing authentic future for myself. Because now I know, they’re one and the same. This book does not slate motherhood - I love being a mum. But it doesn’t ask you to pretend it’s easy either. The most honest, empowering, authentic and insightful book on motherhood I have ever read and will continue to remain at the front of my book shelf for many years to come.

[Leanne Hoppe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't love the list-style sentences that made up a good portion of this book's prose, but I do like the basic idea of caring for oneself.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Motherhood has been represented as something it’s not and will never be. It isn’t tidy and organized and effortless, nor is it always happy and blissful and serene. Motherhood is real and raw and quite often, ridiculous. It’s exhausting and perplexing and different with every child and passing day. It’s overwhelmingly difficult and overwhelmingly beautiful all at once. It’s packed full of paradox."

I began following Beth Berry on Facebook shortly after my first daughter was born and her posts there have always resonated deeply with me. I was thrilled to hear she was releasing a book - a few hundred pages of her wisdom to absorb and ponder?! Yes, please! Sign me up. The book did not disappoint. I read this on my Kindle while nursing my newborn in the middle of the night and felt so seen as I was reading; so understood and validated. She writes with a level of compassion and empathy that is so needed in today's society, giving us mothers permission to feel ALL of the things and let go of some of the guilt. Her insights on modern motherhood are spot on.
HIGHLY recommend.

"We’re not struggling because we’re inadequate, because there’s not enough time, or because child-rearing standards have risen. We’re struggling because the vast majority of the stories we’re being told, adopting, making up, and forming our belief systems around are at least partially untrue, and untrue stories make for lousy foundations when it comes to building a life we love."

[Egentleness · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book doesn't easily fall into any genre -- it's not parenting advice, it's not strictly memoir or self-help. That's what makes this such a unique and important book. I have not read a book like this before. I would recommend this book to all mothers, no matter what age your children are, to women who are not mothers but are interested in supporting women who are, and to men for the same reason. The section on soul-fire and inner landscape is fascinating - you'll have to read it to see what I'm talking about.

[Abby Wyers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a validating read! This book is full of personal stories and big picture truths about the state of motherhood for so many. Berry is relatable and clear in her writing and evokes emotion through her pages. The book uncovers the gaps that many moms experience in what they are trying to provide for their kids and what is actually possible in our culture. She provides plenty of ideas on a path for moms to reclaim their lives while they raise their kids. I highly recommend this book!

[Damon G. · Rating 5 out of 5]

For many years, I have been blaming myself for not living up the the ideal of the mother I wanted to be. I thought if I just worked harder, processed my own baggage, took on more, and suppressed my own needs, I would eventually feel like I made it. Ha! This book helped me see that I am swimming in a soup that wants me to believe all of those things, and that isn't what I want or my children want. It isn't all my fault! What? Yeah. Beth Berry does a wonderful job of illustrating all the ways that mothers are set up to feel they are failing in our culture, and then offering solutions to shift that reality into one in which all mothers (and their families benefit). After reading this book, I feel seen, validated, and ready to make small (yet powerful) changes.

[Lucy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe I should've read it instead of listened to the audible version because her voice... it drones on and on like one continuous moan. I managed 5 chapters before giving up. It is momentarily reassuring to hear my 'inner battle' as a mother from another - the author has a load of valid points - but eventually it was no longer reassuring and quite depressing to listen to. I want solutions, not a never-ending mood-diminishing soliloquy.

[Jennifer Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing! I felt less alone, understood, loved, cared for, and SEEN. Although my parenting wasn't exactly parallel, we have so many thoughts, feelings and situations in common. I loved knowing there is a brave soul willing to share her story for me and get ideas on how to do things better for myself moving forward.

[Hannah O'Reilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mom with a full-time job and two full-time kids living in a city with a crazy fast pace of life, Motherwhelmed really spoke to me. The author outlines WHY we, as moms, are feeling overwhelmed. (Spoiler: it's not your fault.) She also artfully explains how the different demands of our modern society contribute to this feeling of overwhelm that so many moms experience today.

If you have ever felt like you just can't get it all together like "all the other moms", this book is a must read to break down those misconceptions and reassure you that you are not alone. She had me nodding along at so many points that I felt seen in what I experience as a mom today.

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an eloquent and passionately written book that shines light on the importance of mothers thriving. After long days of full time work and solo parenting of a toddler, I found solace and respite in this book. It not only made me feel seen and validated in my struggles as a mama, but it also gave me much needed context for those struggles, presented tangible ideas for how to forge a different path, and reminded me how critical it is for myself and my family (and for all of us, collectively) that I restore and model wholeness. I often marveled at how this book seemed to speak directly to me and my story as a new mom, while also feeling relevant and vital to every single mother I know. I read this book quickly, and have thought about it frequently since I put it down. This was a powerful and inspiring read; very much recommended.

[Alison Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book for every mother... a must read!

I inhaled this book and was sad when I came to the final pages. Every word felt like it was written for me and my experience of motherhood over these last several years. I’ve often struggled to find the words that describe my experience of becoming and being a mama and the author completely “got me”. This book is a revolution and I will definitely be purchasing multiple copies for friends and family! Every mama needs to read this book - to feel supported, understood, validated and honored. There is so much wisdom and truth here, I’ve bookmarked nearly every other page. I am so grateful this book was written to empower mothers everywhere!!

[Morgan Schulman · Rating 3 out of 5]

So to be clear -there are two kinds of progressive moms and I am very much the other kind, so this was a bit of a slog to get through at times, but her ideas are probably useful for mothers if this is the first time you’ve been introduced to a feminist critique of attachment/green/holistic parenting as a total lifestyle requirement. And since she’s a bigtime breast-is-best SAHM who raises her kids out in the country close to the earth and is not a big fan of public schools or screens, her ideas may actually cross over to conservative Christian mommy circles and spread the good word. So for that three stars. As an urban Jewish career lady, eh, I could’ve done without.

[Alexandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bizarre, rambling, new-age-ish set of essays focused on two or three sound points that are likely relevant to many modern, western-world, mothers. It’s thoughtful, worth reading for 2-3 nuggets, and sometimes inspiring. It’s long for just 2-3 points and stops a little short of being practical advice. Hats off to the author for making hard choices and sharing so much of her life with readers for their benefit.

[Christina Soderstrom · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know why everyone loves this book. I agreed with what she was saying, but I was bored with it. I gave up.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

[Disclaimer: I received an advance copy of this book.]

Beth Berry isn't a sociologist, nor a psychologist, nor a child development expert. She is one of us - part of the legions of mothers raising children in an increasingly complex world while wrestling with our own self-worth. She offers tools and practices to let things go; to focus on what fuels us and trust that by fueling our own soul-fire, we will be better women, better friends, better mothers.

I wish I'd read this in the early days -- when I was making all the food from scratch and pumping milk in the middle of the night and getting baby's room just right. And I wished I read this in the toddler days, when every tantrum made me feel worthless and I felt like there was no time for me. And I'm grateful to read it during the school days, as my children separate and I spent more time on what fuels me. And I plan to keep reading it during the teen years, when challenges I cannot even imagine emerge.

As a control freak, the following passage is one of those that most resonated with me:

"Motherhood has been represented as something it's not and never will be. It isn't tidy and organized and effortless, nor is it always happy and blissful and serene. Motherhood is real and raw and quite often, ridiculous. It is exhausting and perplexing and different with every child and passing day... It's packed full of paradox."

[Daphne Gordon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading the opening chapters of Motherwhelmed is like stepping into a sacred circle. Berry invites women to join the circle, to allow themselves to be honoured, to find support for the pain of motherhood.

Using her own story as a universal example of what society has done to mothers by creating unattainable standards, Berry critiques our culture's stories about women. We're held back from happiness by these false stories, and she wants us to feel free to imagine new ones.

By including in her book the voices of other women she has met and interacted with over the years, Berry avoids making this book all about her. In fact, it's all about the women who read it and are inspired to claim their right to enjoy their lives .

Berry provides practical ideas about how women can bring a sense of self-worth and quality to their lives right now. The book's end calls on women to rewrite the contract they have made with themselves. We are more than mothers. We are sacred, empowered wholehearted people. And we must commit to treating ourselves that way.

(I received a free review copy of this book.)

[Caprise Satterfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up after an above average overwhelming day of mothering. As with many books of this type there are things that I agreed with and also things that didn't resonate with me, but overall I felt like this was very helpful and spoke to me many times. Made many highlights in it and had some new take-aways. If anything its always good to know your feelings are not singularly yours.

"Motherhood is meant to overwhelm us. It’s meant to slow us down and remind us of what matters most. It’s meant to expand us in order to make room for the children we’re (briefly) given to guide. It’s meant to reshape us into fuller, more well-rounded women. It reminds us of our interdependency, shows us where we still need to grow, and strengthens our capacity to connect from the heart. That fact that motherhood overwhelms us is not a sign of weakness but an indicator of importance. It distinguishes mothering as one of the few endeavors in our lifetime worthy of such an enormous and all-encompassing investment. We are similarly overwhelmed by such things as love, beauty, justice, and the pursuit of a meaningful existence."

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my biggest hardships when I became an at-home mom was feeling like I was somehow letting feminism down. I've since crafted my own sense of feminism, and this book touches on so many conclusions I've come to in the last four years. First, Beth explains the unique challenges of modern motherhood. Later in the book, she encourages mothers in pushing back against these cultural and psychological forces, for both for their motherhood's sake and for the world's. Though it's chock-full of insights and analysis, the main message for me was this: we don't need to be like men to be powerful - we need to reclaim the power inherent in us, and work toward a new vision for our world, one that honors and elevates the sacredness of mothers and women.

Beth Berry is one of the few voices talking about motherhood in a way that resonates with my experience. This book is a must for any thinking modern mother. If you tend toward the crunchy and/or spiritual/seeker side, I think you'll especially connect with it.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've only experienced a few books in my life with a message worthy of everyone reading. Such is the case with Motherwhelmed. As a mother, this book echoes so specifically & tenderly, the very difficult yet beautiful aspects of my own mothering experience, as well as highlights the many psychosocial structures in place that impact our experience as mothers. As a daughter, this book softens the edges of my own expectations to which I've held my own mother, and mothers around me - past & present. As a woman, this books has opened my eyes and my heart to a broader experience and will inform my connections to all mothers, everywhere, forever. This is THE book to give your mothering cohorts, and anyone else who may benefit from its honesty about & respect for motherhood. Through Motherwhelmed, Berry has provided a lantern for navigating those darker tunnels of motherhood. What a gift.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were parts I really loved about this book and some parts that really bothered me. It was a great reminder that self care and love for the momma is not a luxury, but necessary to give our families everything that they need and to help us enjoy life and not just barely get by. However, she uses bad language pretty frequently throughout, which I don't want to see or hear and would have made it impossible to try listening to on audiobook around children. Also, while she strongly makes a feminist stance, it often comes across at the exclusion of men or views them negatively at least and it feels as though she villainifies them at some points. I get that she is divorced and shades her perceptions, but it comes across as women playing the victim game which is sort of the antithesis of other parts of the book. Overall, it was a pretty good book with some motivational sections.

[Kendra Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother of two young children, I spent years wondering what I was doing wrong to make motherhood so difficult and draining when it's supposed to be the most 'wonderful' part of a woman's life. It's so dang hard and yet I could never truly put my finger on WHY or what I should be doing to make it better. This book helped me put words to so many of these feelings and simultaneously lit a fire in my heart and soul (with tears in my eyes). I feel understood and heard. I know I will be reading this book over and over again, and I can't wait to get copies into the hands of ALL my mama friends.
As modern mothers we are being called upon to create the biggest planet-wide shift of consciousness that is currently underway and ladies, THIS, is our guidebook. Don't wait a single minute.

[Marti Terry-Putdy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book because it helps me understand the unique stressors and challenges of today's young mothers. I am what you might call a Crone, and things were very different when my kids were young. I would turn them loose in the neighborhood and they would play from sunup to sundown. Today that would be considered neglectful and DSS would be called. Even though our experiences are different, my generation of mothers felt underappreciated and unseen, too. I also like the way this book celebrates mothers and all we give to our children. It illuminates a simple but powerful truth, which is that our future depends on the well-being of mothers. I will be recommending this book far and wide.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book speaks the truth about modern motherhood. I'm grateful for its authentic approach and genuineness. Berry talks openly about her own challenges and joys as a mother and offers thoughtful insights about the obstacles faced by mothers today. I really enjoyed the book and felt like it made space for various experiences of motherhood. Berry thoughtfully unpacks what mothers today are facing and offers insight into how mothers can navigate it all or not navigate it all but return to themselves in a way that supports families, mothers and the passion of women. I recommend this book to any mom or caregiver feeling overwhelmed and lost in the shuffle. This book is a breath of fresh air.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my! When I became a mother almost 7 years ago, "overwhelmed" was an understatement. The barrage of advice, judgement, fear, insecurities and exhaustion left me feeling depleted and empty. I always felt there must be a better way to approach things. This book lays it out fully. "Motherwhelmed" is exactly what motherhood feels like - and its exactly what motherhood should NOT feel like. This book lays out the WHY of feeling the way all mothers feel, but more importantly, it lays out the HOW to fix it. This is a MUST READ for any mother, no matter what part of the journey she is on. It will completely change your world.

[Angie Vargas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book and I am ordering the paperback today. I have not related more to a book about motherhood than I did with Motherwhelmed. Beth Berry manages to be relatable through sharing her own experience while also being an expert given her work with mothers and her growth journey. The book is well written, well organized, and easy to read. It flows well and it grabs you so you actually give yourself the time alone to read it without feeling guilty! After reading this beautiful book I felt seen, understood and so empowered. I feel energized to keep on my growth journey and continue to support mothers around me through theirs. Highly recommended!

[Susan Landers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beth Berry has written a thoughtful and insightful book for all of us mothers. We have managed to contort our way into some model of perfection, a cultural notion that we bought in to. We try and try to do it all for everyone - our children, our friends, our spouses, our work - yet leave little true energy for ourselves. We all discover that a perfect mother does not exist, but we have stressed ourselves into knots trying to get there. Beth Berry's writing helps us to realize how we let this happen and gives a prescription for how to get better. She offers a comprehensive guide to un-entanglement, freeing ourselves from critical self-judgement, learning to care for ourselves, reaching out to our friends and support system, and returning to our whole mother selves.

[Jonathan P · Rating 5 out of 5]

The last decade of motherhood would've been so much easier if I'd had this book as a roadmap. So empowering and so needed! It beautifully explains why motherhood has felt so exhausting and overwhelming at times. I found it incredibly validating to know it's not just me who feels like I'm always falling short of these impossible standards. The author has a way of distilling down and expressing these complex issues we face as moms and offers ideas for how to lessen the heavy loads we carry as moms and as women.