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Between the Teeth #1
Coming in First Place
David has known Jake Lourdes' name since he was fourteen years old.
170 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 16, 2020
46 people are currently reading
1817 people want to read
About the author
Taylor Fitzpatrick
6 books755 followersTaylor Fitzpatrick was born in Toronto, Ontario. She declared to her mother at the age of three that she was going to grow up to be an author/illustrator. The illustration thing didn’t really pan out. She is an avid hockey fan, though to her brother’s eternal consternation she did not become one until after he stopped playing competitively. She has an Honours degree in English Literature from the University of Toronto. She currently lives and works in Ottawa, Ontario.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 304 reviews
September 29, 2024
I went into this book not knowing much more than what the blurb says. I preferred it that way and I liked not knowing anything about the characters or where the story was going. However, I do have a need to talk about it, so there will be spoilers ahead when I discuss the characters. 🙂
*******
Re-read 9/2024: Not sure if it's because I'm familiar with the story, but I liked David so much more this time around. I understood him a lot better and it was easier to relate to how he felt at times. My experience of the story is quite different from when I first read it.
*******
Re-read 9/2024: Not sure if it's because I'm familiar with the story, but I liked David so much more this time around. I understood him a lot better and it was easier to relate to how he felt at times. My experience of the story is quite different from when I first read it.
July 21, 2024
2022 reread: I wasn’t expecting to read this again before the publication of books 2 & 3, but they’ve been pushed back and I was hit with an irresistible urge.
I’d be very hard pressed to pick a favorite couple from the author’s huge interconnected YCMAL universe, but let’s face it, if you held a gun to my head — no, if you simply scowled menacingly in my general direction — I’d ’fess up to having an extremely intense attachment to David and Jake. Let’s not call it an obsession, okay? “Intense attachment” is what I’m going with. Maybe I’ll elaborate on why when the series is complete, but for now I stand by my original review, below. Still 5 stars? Hell yeah.
_________
Wow.
Huh.
Okay, I have to start somewhere. Can’t keep sitting here with my mouth open like a landed fish. So here’s some stuff I believe it would be useful to know about this book going in:
1. It’s the first of a trilogy, from a story originally posted as a serial on AO3. So the ending feels more like a convenient place to pause, rather than the wrap-up of a story arc.
2. The POV character, David, is not likable. That will — understandably — be a dealbreaker for some readers.
3. It’s a romance, sure, but to me it felt like more of a character study. This is not a complaint.
The story starts with two 18-year olds heading to the NHL as the 1st and 2nd draft picks of their year. They live up to their potential, so at the end of their first season they’re the two top candidates for the Calder (aka the rookie of the year award). One of them does not take kindly to coming in second place. At all.
So what we have here is a rivals-to-lovers story, but with only one side emotionally invested in the rivalry.
David is both an unlikable and (at least initially) unsympathetic character. One can’t help but wonder what Jake — upbeat, playful, unguarded, always loved — sees in him. I decided it was the “always loved” thing combined with his innate competitive drive. The urge to win over the one person who loathed him must have been irresistible. Arm-chair psychologizing here — but wait, there’s more! I’ve only just begun. On to David…
Humorless, intense, easily angered (although he keeps it all inside), focused on hockey to the complete exclusion of anything else, unable to parse (and completely disinterested in) “normal” human social interaction, David is not your standard romance hero. I’m perplexed at not seeing reviewers flag him as neurodivergent. It seems obvious to me that he’s on the autism spectrum. (I wouldn’t presume to diagnose a real person, but this is a fictional character, so I consider him fair game.)
He’s also emotionally stunted from having been raised by parents with zero interest in him. But the ND/autism thing… I thought people would at least be discussing the possibility. (Maybe they are, and I just haven’t seen those reviews…?)
David's growth as a person over the course of the story is slow, and graceless, and, let’s be honest, sometimes excruciatingly painful to watch. Even developing an interest other than hockey (i.e., Jake) is a major life milestone for him. Learning how to interact with another human being, as a friend, as more than friends, is daunting and at times seems beyond his abilities.
He’s simply not good at it. No, that’s an understatement — he downright sucks at it. David is not a “nice” person. He’s immature, and petty, and wildly competitive, and did I mention angry? More than once I wished I could warn Jake off. But you know how it is, some folks are irresistibly drawn to people who are bad for them.
There are plenty of ugly moments. But somewhere along the way I could almost see a lightbulb go off over Jake’s head (despite never getting his POV) as he figured out how to handle David. Or maybe I should say, how to guide their relationship onto a footing where they could finally start to build something real. David is so clueless, hopelessly so; Jake has to take the initiative and be the brains of the operation whenever it comes to emotions. But Jake is good at that. He’s an intrinsically happy, easy-going, sociable human being — one who enjoys a good challenge. And has he ever found it in David.
To see David struggling so hard when , struggling against his fears and entrenched attitudes and trying so hard to not be bad for Jake — gah, what can I say, I was totally won over. I started out disliking David, as anyone would, gradually became sympathetic to him, and by late in the book, when he , I was identifying with him so hard that I lost all my objectivity about the story.
It’s rare that a book hits me where I live and destroys my ability to review it with any pretense of objectivity. (I considered trying to elaborate on that, and blather about the personal stuff that got triggered for me, but decided we would all be better off if I simply did not.) Five stars in recognition of how deeply David's experiences and struggles ended up resonating with me.
The next book is supposedly coming soon, and I know I'm in the minority here — possibly even a party of one — but the ending, which left so many readers frustrated, left me feeling emotionally satisfied.
I’d be very hard pressed to pick a favorite couple from the author’s huge interconnected YCMAL universe, but let’s face it, if you held a gun to my head — no, if you simply scowled menacingly in my general direction — I’d ’fess up to having an extremely intense attachment to David and Jake. Let’s not call it an obsession, okay? “Intense attachment” is what I’m going with. Maybe I’ll elaborate on why when the series is complete, but for now I stand by my original review, below. Still 5 stars? Hell yeah.
_________
Wow.
Huh.
Okay, I have to start somewhere. Can’t keep sitting here with my mouth open like a landed fish. So here’s some stuff I believe it would be useful to know about this book going in:
1. It’s the first of a trilogy, from a story originally posted as a serial on AO3. So the ending feels more like a convenient place to pause, rather than the wrap-up of a story arc.
2. The POV character, David, is not likable. That will — understandably — be a dealbreaker for some readers.
3. It’s a romance, sure, but to me it felt like more of a character study. This is not a complaint.
The story starts with two 18-year olds heading to the NHL as the 1st and 2nd draft picks of their year. They live up to their potential, so at the end of their first season they’re the two top candidates for the Calder (aka the rookie of the year award). One of them does not take kindly to coming in second place. At all.
So what we have here is a rivals-to-lovers story, but with only one side emotionally invested in the rivalry.
David is both an unlikable and (at least initially) unsympathetic character. One can’t help but wonder what Jake — upbeat, playful, unguarded, always loved — sees in him. I decided it was the “always loved” thing combined with his innate competitive drive. The urge to win over the one person who loathed him must have been irresistible. Arm-chair psychologizing here — but wait, there’s more! I’ve only just begun. On to David…
Humorless, intense, easily angered (although he keeps it all inside), focused on hockey to the complete exclusion of anything else, unable to parse (and completely disinterested in) “normal” human social interaction, David is not your standard romance hero. I’m perplexed at not seeing reviewers flag him as neurodivergent. It seems obvious to me that he’s on the autism spectrum. (I wouldn’t presume to diagnose a real person, but this is a fictional character, so I consider him fair game.)
He’s also emotionally stunted from having been raised by parents with zero interest in him. But the ND/autism thing… I thought people would at least be discussing the possibility. (Maybe they are, and I just haven’t seen those reviews…?)
David's growth as a person over the course of the story is slow, and graceless, and, let’s be honest, sometimes excruciatingly painful to watch. Even developing an interest other than hockey (i.e., Jake) is a major life milestone for him. Learning how to interact with another human being, as a friend, as more than friends, is daunting and at times seems beyond his abilities.
He’s simply not good at it. No, that’s an understatement — he downright sucks at it. David is not a “nice” person. He’s immature, and petty, and wildly competitive, and did I mention angry? More than once I wished I could warn Jake off. But you know how it is, some folks are irresistibly drawn to people who are bad for them.
There are plenty of ugly moments. But somewhere along the way I could almost see a lightbulb go off over Jake’s head (despite never getting his POV) as he figured out how to handle David. Or maybe I should say, how to guide their relationship onto a footing where they could finally start to build something real. David is so clueless, hopelessly so; Jake has to take the initiative and be the brains of the operation whenever it comes to emotions. But Jake is good at that. He’s an intrinsically happy, easy-going, sociable human being — one who enjoys a good challenge. And has he ever found it in David.
To see David struggling so hard when , struggling against his fears and entrenched attitudes and trying so hard to not be bad for Jake — gah, what can I say, I was totally won over. I started out disliking David, as anyone would, gradually became sympathetic to him, and by late in the book, when he , I was identifying with him so hard that I lost all my objectivity about the story.
It’s rare that a book hits me where I live and destroys my ability to review it with any pretense of objectivity. (I considered trying to elaborate on that, and blather about the personal stuff that got triggered for me, but decided we would all be better off if I simply did not.) Five stars in recognition of how deeply David's experiences and struggles ended up resonating with me.
The next book is supposedly coming soon, and I know I'm in the minority here — possibly even a party of one — but the ending, which left so many readers frustrated, left me feeling emotionally satisfied.
August 8, 2024
Re read July 2024
4 stars⬇️**
Review written May 2020
Another Taylor win for me!
I really love this authors writing and her stories but, more than anything her characters. David and Jake were no exception. Jake was a sweetheart with the patience of a saint and David sigh! I’m gonna be totally honest I didn’t hate him and I didn’t love but, I felt so much for him. And there was definitely reasoning to his actions at least, for me. This was a great start to David’s and Jake’s story I’m looking forward to seeing them evolve even more in their relationship, and their rivalry in hockey. I know there’s more to come so I’m good with how this installment ended. ❤️
4 stars⬇️**
Review written May 2020
Another Taylor win for me!
I really love this authors writing and her stories but, more than anything her characters. David and Jake were no exception. Jake was a sweetheart with the patience of a saint and David sigh! I’m gonna be totally honest I didn’t hate him and I didn’t love but, I felt so much for him. And there was definitely reasoning to his actions at least, for me. This was a great start to David’s and Jake’s story I’m looking forward to seeing them evolve even more in their relationship, and their rivalry in hockey. I know there’s more to come so I’m good with how this installment ended. ❤️
April 20, 2020
I FREAKIN' LOVED THIS BOOK!
What can I say about David Chapman? He's an asshole, but he can't really help it and you end up loving him.
What can I say about Jake Lourdes? I want to get inside his head to glimpse how he sees David. Alas, we only get David's POV--BUT WHAT A POV IT IS! His mind is not like most people's; you probably know someone like him.
This book is fast, funny, sexy, cringe-worthy, and happy. I devoured the story in one sitting. At one point, I was shocked that I was at 71% because it felt like I had only been reading for a little while. I did not want it to end! When it did end, it came with a slapshot of an HFN that left me aching for MORE!
The book is also HOT!
And it has LOTS of HOCKEY...be prepared! I LOVED IT!
My rec? HELL YES!
What can I say about David Chapman? He's an asshole, but he can't really help it and you end up loving him.
What can I say about Jake Lourdes? I want to get inside his head to glimpse how he sees David. Alas, we only get David's POV--BUT WHAT A POV IT IS! His mind is not like most people's; you probably know someone like him.
This book is fast, funny, sexy, cringe-worthy, and happy. I devoured the story in one sitting. At one point, I was shocked that I was at 71% because it felt like I had only been reading for a little while. I did not want it to end! When it did end, it came with a slapshot of an HFN that left me aching for MORE!
The book is also HOT!
And it has LOTS of HOCKEY...be prepared! I LOVED IT!
My rec? HELL YES!
June 30, 2025
3,5 ⭐ rounded up up UP, mostly for David. I’m completely wrecked by this boy, you have no idea.
The premise is really quite simple. David Chapman is a nineteen-year-old boy just drafted into an NHL team, with hockey being everything there is for him. He’s one of the best rookies...together with Jake Lourdes, whom David has been watching closely for years, comparing himself to him, growing a bit hateful towards him. Sparks fly when they collide on and off the ice.
Sounds like a premise of a hockey romance, doesn’t it? Don’t let that fool you - while there is a romantic aspect, it’s far from the point of the book. Because this story is entirely about David, and it’s angsty because that boy is a mess. And I apologize in advance, but I have thoughts and feelings about David I need to get off my chest.
The way I latched onto David was astounding. I don’t know what happened here, but I would die for him, pick up a spider for him even (there are fates worse than death!). The number of times I went “Oh David🥺” while getting weepy was obscene.
David is objectively very hard to like, but to me, incredibly easy to love and care about. He’s standoffish, troubled, neglected, and mostly rude. Insanely competitive, taking every loss personally - happens to people who put their entire (meagre) self-worth on any kind of achievement.
He’s the embodiment of a prickly, neglected stray cat, hissing when anyone tries to get close, being contrary to protect its vulnerable belly, licking its wounds in a quiet corner somewhere no one can see and take advantage.
You can’t give me a character like this with emotionally unavailable and neglectful parents and expect me not to feel overprotective...
I usually don’t like characters who place all the blame on the wrong people, taking it out on them, hurting them in the process, like David did to Jake in the beginning. David, though... I couldn’t be angry with him, even though some of the scenes were downright brutal. I didn’t particularly like him in those moments, but I could never hate him.
Guys, I just need David to be happy. To find for himself something other than hockey. To make meaningful connections, to have a support system he fucking deserves. I just...want to scoop him up and gently place him among the Hell Hounds from LRPD - if I think about it, this book is “What if EL Massey focused on one character, made it angsty instead of fluffy, and with no therapists available.”
All that said, I have to give credit where it’s due, and that’s Jake Lourdes. I really thought I wouldn’t like him at first, but I have to admire his capacity for forgiveness because no matter how big of a David apologist I am, I wouldn’t let some of the shit David does and says fly. So, Jake's efforts are much appreciated. Because sometimes, we introverted black cats aren’t easy to like...
Regarding the romantic part. It’s painfully clear it can't truly work. I love David and Jake together, and they could be so good for each other, but...not right now. David isn’t ready for a relationship, however much it hurts me to say that. He desperately needs to learn to like himself before he can let anyone else do that. Because right now, he’s his own greatest enemy, and it’s breaking my heart (and probably Jake’s too).
The writing itself took me a while to adjust to; most of it is narrated with barely any dialogue, closer to a stream of consciousness at times. It’s not my favorite, but it reminds me of fanfic style of writing (which I understand TF writes their original work on ao3), so it’s familiar and accessible.
Woah, so there’s that. I need to prepare myself for some angst, I’m sure, but whatever happens, I’m with David, and I need him to carve his own place in the world, surrounded by people who like and get him and support him. And when that happens, I’m gonna bawl my eyes out 😭❤️
"You are very good," Kurmazov says. "You are better than I was at your age. But where is your family, David? Where are your friends?"
The premise is really quite simple. David Chapman is a nineteen-year-old boy just drafted into an NHL team, with hockey being everything there is for him. He’s one of the best rookies...together with Jake Lourdes, whom David has been watching closely for years, comparing himself to him, growing a bit hateful towards him. Sparks fly when they collide on and off the ice.
Sounds like a premise of a hockey romance, doesn’t it? Don’t let that fool you - while there is a romantic aspect, it’s far from the point of the book. Because this story is entirely about David, and it’s angsty because that boy is a mess. And I apologize in advance, but I have thoughts and feelings about David I need to get off my chest.
The way I latched onto David was astounding. I don’t know what happened here, but I would die for him, pick up a spider for him even (there are fates worse than death!). The number of times I went “Oh David🥺” while getting weepy was obscene.
David is objectively very hard to like, but to me, incredibly easy to love and care about. He’s standoffish, troubled, neglected, and mostly rude. Insanely competitive, taking every loss personally - happens to people who put their entire (meagre) self-worth on any kind of achievement.
He’s the embodiment of a prickly, neglected stray cat, hissing when anyone tries to get close, being contrary to protect its vulnerable belly, licking its wounds in a quiet corner somewhere no one can see and take advantage.
You can’t give me a character like this with emotionally unavailable and neglectful parents and expect me not to feel overprotective...
I usually don’t like characters who place all the blame on the wrong people, taking it out on them, hurting them in the process, like David did to Jake in the beginning. David, though... I couldn’t be angry with him, even though some of the scenes were downright brutal. I didn’t particularly like him in those moments, but I could never hate him.
Guys, I just need David to be happy. To find for himself something other than hockey. To make meaningful connections, to have a support system he fucking deserves. I just...want to scoop him up and gently place him among the Hell Hounds from LRPD - if I think about it, this book is “What if EL Massey focused on one character, made it angsty instead of fluffy, and with no therapists available.”
All that said, I have to give credit where it’s due, and that’s Jake Lourdes. I really thought I wouldn’t like him at first, but I have to admire his capacity for forgiveness because no matter how big of a David apologist I am, I wouldn’t let some of the shit David does and says fly. So, Jake's efforts are much appreciated. Because sometimes, we introverted black cats aren’t easy to like...
Regarding the romantic part. It’s painfully clear it can't truly work. I love David and Jake together, and they could be so good for each other, but...not right now. David isn’t ready for a relationship, however much it hurts me to say that. He desperately needs to learn to like himself before he can let anyone else do that. Because right now, he’s his own greatest enemy, and it’s breaking my heart (and probably Jake’s too).
The writing itself took me a while to adjust to; most of it is narrated with barely any dialogue, closer to a stream of consciousness at times. It’s not my favorite, but it reminds me of fanfic style of writing (which I understand TF writes their original work on ao3), so it’s familiar and accessible.
Woah, so there’s that. I need to prepare myself for some angst, I’m sure, but whatever happens, I’m with David, and I need him to carve his own place in the world, surrounded by people who like and get him and support him. And when that happens, I’m gonna bawl my eyes out 😭❤️
"You are very good," Kurmazov says. "You are better than I was at your age. But where is your family, David? Where are your friends?"
August 2, 2024
Second read in the bag... 😍
—————————
When I first finished reading, I didn’t think I could effectively review this. And then I talked to a friend who’d read it, and I thought I might have figured out what I wanted to say... but now I’m back in the initial boat. And I’m one who has to do my review right away or I lose it, and it’s been one of those weeks.
ANYWAY. The most impactful thing about this story is the rare perspective of its POV — which, as masterfully as that's executed, isn’t something I want to spell out. It wasn’t stated explicitly in the book, but also, I feel like it’s a spoiler? Maybe?
But. BUT. It’s also enormously important. Without the context, a reader could be tempted to think vile things about David. In fact, you might think those things even with such context.
Alright, so if you’re not as spoiler averse as I, then you might find it interesting to know . But personally, I’m glad to have had that “revealed” to me as I read, rather than to have known it going in.
“I was convenient,” David says quietly.
Jake barks out a laugh. “You are the least convenient person I’ve ever met,” he says.
Highly recommended! Can’t wait for vol 2.
—————————
When I first finished reading, I didn’t think I could effectively review this. And then I talked to a friend who’d read it, and I thought I might have figured out what I wanted to say... but now I’m back in the initial boat. And I’m one who has to do my review right away or I lose it, and it’s been one of those weeks.
ANYWAY. The most impactful thing about this story is the rare perspective of its POV — which, as masterfully as that's executed, isn’t something I want to spell out. It wasn’t stated explicitly in the book, but also, I feel like it’s a spoiler? Maybe?
But. BUT. It’s also enormously important. Without the context, a reader could be tempted to think vile things about David. In fact, you might think those things even with such context.
Alright, so if you’re not as spoiler averse as I, then you might find it interesting to know . But personally, I’m glad to have had that “revealed” to me as I read, rather than to have known it going in.
“I was convenient,” David says quietly.
Jake barks out a laugh. “You are the least convenient person I’ve ever met,” he says.
Highly recommended! Can’t wait for vol 2.
January 4, 2021
Prickly porcupine meets Labrador retriever and conspire through the length of the book to give me ulcer.
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September 27, 2024
4.5 stars ☆
"Gonna text you," Jake mumbles when David pulls back. "You better text back."
"Okay," David says, tucks a strand of Jake's hair, fallen into his eyes, behind his ear.
✧ i really liked this!! i thought i was gonna hate david, after coming across a few reviews saying he was an asshole so, to my surprise... i didn't? he was an asshole whom i can understand why he was the way he was. yes, he had some frustrating moments, but never too much for me to the point of hate. i felt bad for him more than anything bc, unlike jake, he literally had no one to talk to about his problems. ☹️
✧ i loved jake and how patient and understanding he was towards david. it even got to the point where he sacrificed his own happiness to make david comfortable and i'm 50/50 on that bc, yes, david needed someone like jake who has a patient soul but i don't think it's right to always sacrifice your happiness to please others. these two just need to find a common ground and meet halfway, imo. speaking of, i know this is supposed to be a trilogy so i'm hoping we get to see david, in the future books, be the one to fight for their relationship. it would be such a powerful move on his end bc, although we're aware of his feelings for jake but, on the outside surface, jake's technically putting in more effort between the two.
✧ one thing i wished was we were able to see jake's perspective in certain moments bc we've really only seen david's and i feel like i understood his character a bit more bc of it.
✧ i loved their little picnic dates and the whole sequence of jake wanting to take things slow and "starting over" was precious. their text messages and getting to know one another? WHOLESOME. i loved it. 🥺
✧ overall, i enjoyed this! despite my little complaints (which can easily be fixed in books 2 or 3 bc it's part of the growth of their relationship, after all), i adored their banters/dynamic. the ending definitely felt more of a hfn bc there were so many things left unsaid, but i can't wait to see their relationship grow! 🥰
"Gonna text you," Jake mumbles when David pulls back. "You better text back."
"Okay," David says, tucks a strand of Jake's hair, fallen into his eyes, behind his ear.
✧ i really liked this!! i thought i was gonna hate david, after coming across a few reviews saying he was an asshole so, to my surprise... i didn't? he was an asshole whom i can understand why he was the way he was. yes, he had some frustrating moments, but never too much for me to the point of hate. i felt bad for him more than anything bc, unlike jake, he literally had no one to talk to about his problems. ☹️
✧ i loved jake and how patient and understanding he was towards david. it even got to the point where he sacrificed his own happiness to make david comfortable and i'm 50/50 on that bc, yes, david needed someone like jake who has a patient soul but i don't think it's right to always sacrifice your happiness to please others. these two just need to find a common ground and meet halfway, imo. speaking of, i know this is supposed to be a trilogy so i'm hoping we get to see david, in the future books, be the one to fight for their relationship. it would be such a powerful move on his end bc, although we're aware of his feelings for jake but, on the outside surface, jake's technically putting in more effort between the two.
✧ one thing i wished was we were able to see jake's perspective in certain moments bc we've really only seen david's and i feel like i understood his character a bit more bc of it.
✧ i loved their little picnic dates and the whole sequence of jake wanting to take things slow and "starting over" was precious. their text messages and getting to know one another? WHOLESOME. i loved it. 🥺
✧ overall, i enjoyed this! despite my little complaints (which can easily be fixed in books 2 or 3 bc it's part of the growth of their relationship, after all), i adored their banters/dynamic. the ending definitely felt more of a hfn bc there were so many things left unsaid, but i can't wait to see their relationship grow! 🥰
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 5, 2025
*July 2025 re-reading because this series is perfect and now I got to know David, I wonder if I will read this first book differently, knowing what I know now and didn’t when I read it the first time.
Update: I did. Poor David, I want to hug him and tell him he is worth fighting for, that he’s not abnormal and deserves to be happy with Jake.*
*original review August 2024*
No rating yet, I will need some time to figure it out. I could relate to David so much, everything he did, every thought he had, his fears, his inability to socialise, to read between the lines, to find safety and security when someone loves you, or wants to be with you. Because why, of all the options there are, would someone want to be with YOU, since you just know you are DIFFERENT and DIFFICULT.
But I do have a hard time seeing the reasons that Jake wants to be with David, and that’s maybe because we don’t get his pov. Jake has the patience of a saint, he puts so much effort in to make things work, and to the outsider it seems like David doesn’t. But being neurodivergent, I just know how this relationship puts David’s world upside down, how much effort it takes for him to commit. But if you wouldn’t happen to be on that spectrum yourself, I can imagine it would be hard to see all that effort as it is not clear from just reading the story. Does that make sense anyway?
But so here I am, contemplating between 4 or 5 stars. I guess for now it depends on how long after finishing i still think about David and Jake. (5 stars, obviously, because a year later i still think of David🥰)
Update: I did. Poor David, I want to hug him and tell him he is worth fighting for, that he’s not abnormal and deserves to be happy with Jake.*
*original review August 2024*
No rating yet, I will need some time to figure it out. I could relate to David so much, everything he did, every thought he had, his fears, his inability to socialise, to read between the lines, to find safety and security when someone loves you, or wants to be with you. Because why, of all the options there are, would someone want to be with YOU, since you just know you are DIFFERENT and DIFFICULT.
But I do have a hard time seeing the reasons that Jake wants to be with David, and that’s maybe because we don’t get his pov. Jake has the patience of a saint, he puts so much effort in to make things work, and to the outsider it seems like David doesn’t. But being neurodivergent, I just know how this relationship puts David’s world upside down, how much effort it takes for him to commit. But if you wouldn’t happen to be on that spectrum yourself, I can imagine it would be hard to see all that effort as it is not clear from just reading the story. Does that make sense anyway?
But so here I am, contemplating between 4 or 5 stars. I guess for now it depends on how long after finishing i still think about David and Jake. (5 stars, obviously, because a year later i still think of David🥰)
June 25, 2025
3,5 stars.
I loved being in David's head, as heartbreaking and frustrating as it was.
Jake was more of an enigma.. I didn't really get why he believed in their connection, even after David had been awful to him. Obviously I loved him for it, though.
Enjoyed it overall.
Edit a day later: Rounding down, because I didn't feel like continuing the series. I already bought book 2 and I'm still hoping to see more character development so I'll still continue with book 2. I'd love to get a better read on Jake, and I hope David and Jake start to TALK so I can feel more with/for them.
I loved being in David's head, as heartbreaking and frustrating as it was.
Jake was more of an enigma.. I didn't really get why he believed in their connection, even after David had been awful to him. Obviously I loved him for it, though.
Enjoyed it overall.
Edit a day later: Rounding down, because I didn't feel like continuing the series. I already bought book 2 and I'm still hoping to see more character development so I'll still continue with book 2. I'd love to get a better read on Jake, and I hope David and Jake start to TALK so I can feel more with/for them.
October 4, 2024
The synopsis of this totally undersells how good this book is.
Very quick first installment of a little rivals to lovers, golden retriever/ black cat dynamic hockey romance.
Watch me proceed to binge the all three books in as close to one sitting as life can let me.
P.S. I will fight anyone who says they hate David. That poor boy deserves all the good things that the world can bring his way
Very quick first installment of a little rivals to lovers, golden retriever/ black cat dynamic hockey romance.
Watch me proceed to binge the all three books in as close to one sitting as life can let me.
P.S. I will fight anyone who says they hate David. That poor boy deserves all the good things that the world can bring his way
July 8, 2024
Oh noes! I read it again!
And a third time even!
-----
This story is about a sweet guy named David. David is a professional "athlete". That is something like a mathlete, but with muscles instead of brains. He plays some kind of team sportsball called "hockey". I heard the author has lots of stuff on AO3, so I assume that it's supposed to be some AU version of quidditch, but there's only one ball which they call the "puck". Since there is apparently a whole fuckton of m/m "hockey" stories, we can deduce that everyone who plays this "hockey" is closeted gay guys. Seriously, it's like Highlander. They act like it's all rare, but every week there's 20 more of them showing up, so if you do the math you know it's basically the entire population of the earth. But here, instead of pulling swords out your butt, you have a whole bunch of gay guys trying to get the "puck", f=p, very subtle. Ha! In this story there is a big deal when two players who aren't even on page get outed.
Fortunately the author doesn't waste our time like Brandon Sanderson with 700 pages explaining how this fictional sport works, cuz lets face facts. The only way you can make "sports" less interesting is to put "team" in front of it.
Like Brandon Sanderson would do if he wasn't a terrible writer, this author just focuses on David's relationship with his nemesis, Jake. Jake is a jerk. He doesn't even play the "hockey" right, but he still gets picked first on the team before David, just because he is HAWT and "friendly". He's so hawt, but he can't even comb his own hair right, he always has bits sticking out that make David want to tuck them behind his ear for him. He is always making David have FEELINGS. What an asshole. David hates feelings, so naturally David also hates Jake. It is only logical. David tries his best trick to make Jake go away, but it doesn't work! Instead it just leads to lots of sex. Really. A LOT! David was a virgin, but fortunately he must have read some fanfiction or m/m cuz he knows the 1-2-3 finger technique without even anyone telling him.
All that sex breaks David's brain though and he forgets to keep hating Jake. So I guess you could call this a tragedy.
And a third time even!
-----
This story is about a sweet guy named David. David is a professional "athlete". That is something like a mathlete, but with muscles instead of brains. He plays some kind of team sportsball called "hockey". I heard the author has lots of stuff on AO3, so I assume that it's supposed to be some AU version of quidditch, but there's only one ball which they call the "puck". Since there is apparently a whole fuckton of m/m "hockey" stories, we can deduce that everyone who plays this "hockey" is closeted gay guys. Seriously, it's like Highlander. They act like it's all rare, but every week there's 20 more of them showing up, so if you do the math you know it's basically the entire population of the earth. But here, instead of pulling swords out your butt, you have a whole bunch of gay guys trying to get the "puck", f=p, very subtle. Ha! In this story there is a big deal when two players who aren't even on page get outed.
Fortunately the author doesn't waste our time like Brandon Sanderson with 700 pages explaining how this fictional sport works, cuz lets face facts. The only way you can make "sports" less interesting is to put "team" in front of it.
Like Brandon Sanderson would do if he wasn't a terrible writer, this author just focuses on David's relationship with his nemesis, Jake. Jake is a jerk. He doesn't even play the "hockey" right, but he still gets picked first on the team before David, just because he is HAWT and "friendly". He's so hawt, but he can't even comb his own hair right, he always has bits sticking out that make David want to tuck them behind his ear for him. He is always making David have FEELINGS. What an asshole. David hates feelings, so naturally David also hates Jake. It is only logical. David tries his best trick to make Jake go away, but it doesn't work! Instead it just leads to lots of sex. Really. A LOT! David was a virgin, but fortunately he must have read some fanfiction or m/m cuz he knows the 1-2-3 finger technique without even anyone telling him.
All that sex breaks David's brain though and he forgets to keep hating Jake. So I guess you could call this a tragedy.
June 28, 2024
Reread - June 2024
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Initial read - August 2022
This book was delightful. Every single page. David’s voice, his inner dialogue. The first kiss. Every kiss that came after. The hockey. Jake. Omg Jake.
David is an asshole. It’s hard to see what Jake sees in him. But by the end of the book, I loved David so much I wanted to reach in and wrap him in a giant hug. Except he would hate that. So a no touching air hug like I give my teenager.
I just ordered and received and ARC of book 2. I’m jumping right in. I need more of these two. ❤️❤️❤️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Initial read - August 2022
This book was delightful. Every single page. David’s voice, his inner dialogue. The first kiss. Every kiss that came after. The hockey. Jake. Omg Jake.
David is an asshole. It’s hard to see what Jake sees in him. But by the end of the book, I loved David so much I wanted to reach in and wrap him in a giant hug. Except he would hate that. So a no touching air hug like I give my teenager.
I just ordered and received and ARC of book 2. I’m jumping right in. I need more of these two. ❤️❤️❤️
April 8, 2024
Oh my! Ms. Fitzpatrick has done it again. She’s created two characters so frustratingly and adorably clueless when it comes to their feelings. I know how I feel though. I love ‘em!
David “don’t-call-me-Chaps” Chapman is all about hockey. On and off the ice, hockey provides rigid routine and strict dieting and training for David. Everything has its place and plan. Well everything but Jake Lourdes that is. Jake somehow, some way elbows his way into David’s life. Which annoys the hell out of him! David can’t stand Jake’s too long hair, lopsided grin, and knack of always coming in first. These two have been competing and playing against each other for years. Now 19 and both in their rookie year in the NHL, the competition feels even more intense with the press and fans always watching and cheering the rivalry on. Both are garnering all sorts of attention for their hot streaks and style of play. But no matter how hard David plays and trains…Jake always seems to come out on top, which drives David mad! What more can David do? How can he rid himself of this pent up fuck or fight energy and frustration after a loss with Jake? Well kiss him, of course! :)
I loved David and Jake’s slow, simmering chemistry. Actually…I’m not sure I can call it slow. I think Jake knows how he feels and goes after David. I’m only guessing though. Readers are not privy to what’s going on in Jake’s head. We only get David’s point of view. Jake keeps pushing and running after and waiting for David though. The patience and second chances are so sweet here. David, on the other hand, doesn’t even know how to define, explain, or talk about how he feels about Jake.
“His mouth is wet, pink, and David can’t stop staring at it. He wants to bridge the distance again, but isn’t entirely sure he’s allowed. He’s out of his depth, here. He always seems to be, with Jake.”
Somehow these guys continue to grow closer—even after long time outs and misunderstandings. They just keep trying. Trying to understand each other and their emotions. And at the same time, they both keep pushing their way into my heart. I didn’t even realize how deep they’d gotten until Jake walked away with his head down, hands in his pockets, and heart in pieces at one point. POW! They sucker punched me in the gut. These characters and whole story just snuck up on me. The power of it all really surprised me. I feel like I can put the tele on and find them skating around the ice. Dude, I want them to be skating around the ice! Or picnicking in the grass.
Now if I was forced to come up with a criticism here, it would be the side characters. Sometimes a full cast of side characters make the whole story click into place and work. But here, teammates and family members were just names on the page. Names that had me saying “who?” a lot. I couldn’t see them. Well one name I knew. It made me grin like an idiot when his name popped up. But here’s hoping everyone else gets a bit more fleshed out as the series continues.
One element did come to life on the page though--the hockey. Fitzpatrick knows her hockey. You can feel the season on and off the ice in the gyms, arenas, and hotel rooms. The language and little descriptions like—the “echoing cool of the rink” create such a clear picture. I can feel that rink on my skin! Along with the adrenaline and tension after the wins and losses. I loved it all. But there’s more to life than hockey—right? Here’s hoping Jake can make David see and feel the more. And here’s hoping we get more hockey, more David, and more Jake soon. Real soon!
I can’t wait for more. Read this book. Meet David and Jake!
June 19, 2020
OK, so... if this book was a COMPLETE book instead of 1/3 of an installment (I assume), it might not have gotten a star ripped off just for that. Author: please don't publish a book and price at the price of other full-length books when it's only partially done!! Pisses me off. I hate these kinds of sales gimmicks. And if I hadn't been generously loaned this one by Karla, I wouldn't be reading it, and it would have been 3 stars at most.
Now to the actual review.
I'm glad I read it despite my trepidation that I wouldn't like it, given my bad experience with one of the author's earlier books. This one definitely flowed better (most recent work) and despite it being YA (with sex) - YA bc it's between 2 teenagers (19, then 20), I was OK. They weren't super annoying like most YA.
While I love immersing in a world, any world--whether historical, military, fantasy, paranormal, sports, etc. I don't want THAT many details. It's like the author was getting obsessed with showing how much she knows about hockey and losing the reader as a result.
I get it. The MC--David-- is all about hockey. He has no other life. He's been neglected by his divorced parents with a mother who doesn't show love in the normal ways (if at all), and he himself prob have social issues and also doesn't understand love bc he's never been shown it. But still. 8% of hockey details right off the bat in this book would have discouraged many a reader.
Now David. Lots of readers don't like him. They like Jake. Jake is easy to like. But I appreciate that the POV is David's. (Tho this 3rd person present tense is still weird). Because we get to see his character development, whereas Jake, while likable, is always Jake. I happen to understand and sympathize with David. I think other readers who KNOW people like him personally would too (unless they know ppl like him and really hate those ppl).
One of my best friends is like David - cold parents. Never around. Don't know anything really about him. He's always been on his own, making his own way in the world, self-reliant, and therefore self-contained. A loner. Really shut off to love. He would say the most obnoxious things and not know he's offended ppl. Or he learns to watch their facial expressions for cues but doesn't understand WHY he offended ppl. And he's ultra competitive. But not in the good sport way. In the - I will beat you no matter what at your loss kind of way. Nobody likes winners like that.
That's also likely why David doesn't get drafted first pick and he's always in Jake's shadow. Because it's not always about skills and talent and hard work - in fact it almost never is about that. It's about whether you're likable. And in team sports, that's just as important as the other stuff.
So anyway, I totally get David, which is why his annoying behavior didn't really annoy me. I also know that he partially hates Jake bc he's attracted, to and in his heart of hearts admires, Jake. And he's resentful of it. That's why he kisses Jake completely out of the blue as an uncontrolled reaction that shocks them both. That's why Jake is his first. Why he's so mean to Jake because he thinks Jake doesn't feel the same kind of obsession and helplessness toward him, bc everybody is Jake's "buddy."
I get it. Your entire universe (no friends, no family) revolves around this popular, lovable guy who can have his pick of anyone, man or woman. You feel really insecure and afraid. You don't even know what love is, and you're also afraid you're never good enough, so you're gonna lose the one person who means everything to you. That's why David is an ass to Jake. He can't help it.
Jake is perfect for what he needs. The patience, the forgiveness, the willingness to try, try, and try again. Reminds me of my fave book by this author
.
Could have been higher score if 1) it was a complete novel, 2) if it wasn't 2 teenagers. 3) had hotter sex like the novel above.
3.5 rounded up.
Now to the actual review.
I'm glad I read it despite my trepidation that I wouldn't like it, given my bad experience with one of the author's earlier books. This one definitely flowed better (most recent work) and despite it being YA (with sex) - YA bc it's between 2 teenagers (19, then 20), I was OK. They weren't super annoying like most YA.
While I love immersing in a world, any world--whether historical, military, fantasy, paranormal, sports, etc. I don't want THAT many details. It's like the author was getting obsessed with showing how much she knows about hockey and losing the reader as a result.
I get it. The MC--David-- is all about hockey. He has no other life. He's been neglected by his divorced parents with a mother who doesn't show love in the normal ways (if at all), and he himself prob have social issues and also doesn't understand love bc he's never been shown it. But still. 8% of hockey details right off the bat in this book would have discouraged many a reader.
Now David. Lots of readers don't like him. They like Jake. Jake is easy to like. But I appreciate that the POV is David's. (Tho this 3rd person present tense is still weird). Because we get to see his character development, whereas Jake, while likable, is always Jake. I happen to understand and sympathize with David. I think other readers who KNOW people like him personally would too (unless they know ppl like him and really hate those ppl).
One of my best friends is like David - cold parents. Never around. Don't know anything really about him. He's always been on his own, making his own way in the world, self-reliant, and therefore self-contained. A loner. Really shut off to love. He would say the most obnoxious things and not know he's offended ppl. Or he learns to watch their facial expressions for cues but doesn't understand WHY he offended ppl. And he's ultra competitive. But not in the good sport way. In the - I will beat you no matter what at your loss kind of way. Nobody likes winners like that.
That's also likely why David doesn't get drafted first pick and he's always in Jake's shadow. Because it's not always about skills and talent and hard work - in fact it almost never is about that. It's about whether you're likable. And in team sports, that's just as important as the other stuff.
So anyway, I totally get David, which is why his annoying behavior didn't really annoy me. I also know that he partially hates Jake bc he's attracted, to and in his heart of hearts admires, Jake. And he's resentful of it. That's why he kisses Jake completely out of the blue as an uncontrolled reaction that shocks them both. That's why Jake is his first. Why he's so mean to Jake because he thinks Jake doesn't feel the same kind of obsession and helplessness toward him, bc everybody is Jake's "buddy."
I get it. Your entire universe (no friends, no family) revolves around this popular, lovable guy who can have his pick of anyone, man or woman. You feel really insecure and afraid. You don't even know what love is, and you're also afraid you're never good enough, so you're gonna lose the one person who means everything to you. That's why David is an ass to Jake. He can't help it.
Jake is perfect for what he needs. The patience, the forgiveness, the willingness to try, try, and try again. Reminds me of my fave book by this author
. Could have been higher score if 1) it was a complete novel, 2) if it wasn't 2 teenagers. 3) had hotter sex like the novel above.
3.5 rounded up.
April 30, 2020
Wait....
That's it? Noooo, Ineed want MOOOAAARRR!!! 😉
Loooved it, but suddenly the book was out of pages... Not a real cliffhanger, but I was glad it didn't end mid-sentence. LOL.
That's it? Noooo, I
Loooved it, but suddenly the book was out of pages... Not a real cliffhanger, but I was glad it didn't end mid-sentence. LOL.
August 27, 2021
Was hard not to read the synopsis of this one when it's literally one line long but it's not like that gives you any real idea of what's to come anyway!
This is a not quite hate-to-love but more rivals-to-lovers? Definitely opposites attract. Jake is basically a Labrador in human form and David is.. decidedly not. Kudos to Jake for sticking it out though because at times, and rightfully so, David might have not seemed worth the trouble. I love that Fitzpatrick is leaning into that lack of ease between these two, not changing David at all, even when things are good, even as he softens towards Jake. They are very much still distinct and very much themselves.
Based on updates I clearly read this at the right time as it looks like the sequel is out next month. Hooray!
This is a not quite hate-to-love but more rivals-to-lovers? Definitely opposites attract. Jake is basically a Labrador in human form and David is.. decidedly not. Kudos to Jake for sticking it out though because at times, and rightfully so, David might have not seemed worth the trouble. I love that Fitzpatrick is leaning into that lack of ease between these two, not changing David at all, even when things are good, even as he softens towards Jake. They are very much still distinct and very much themselves.
Based on updates I clearly read this at the right time as it looks like the sequel is out next month. Hooray!
August 12, 2022
Review re-written after July 2022 re-read.
Even though there’s a lot I don’t have in common with David, this trilogy perfectly captures my experience of coming of age as an autistic person who doesn’t know they’re autistic and has no vocabulary to understand themselves or help themselves be understood by others.
There is a common thread of isolation, confusion, frustration, and self-hatred woven through so many of the stories I’ve heard and read from other autistic people (as well as my own), and it’s woven into every page of this book. Although some of my traits manifest differently, and the details of many of my experiences are different, the feelings expressed in this book feel like an echo of my own, to the point that any time I read part of this trilogy, I spend days afterwards grappling with all the memories and emotions that have been excavated.
Fitzpatrick has done an incredible job showing how David’s past experiences with his parents, coaches, and teammates have shaped his current perceptions and beliefs even though David himself often does not make those connections. Similarly, his autistic traits are infused into everything he says and does without ever giving name to them (because David himself lacks those names). Yet, as is so often the case in real life, those traits aren’t so obvious that every reader will see them. Most people who encounter David will never know he’s autistic because he doesn’t fit the stereotypes and because he masks his traits as well as his trauma. Much of what makes it obvious is his thought process, which he keeps tightly hidden. People like David do not find out they’re autistic until they reach a crisis point that makes it inescapably obvious, and sometimes not even then.
Many reviews of this book talk about how David is unlikeable, and it’s true he does many unlikeable things during this part of his story. But some of what those readers are reacting to is David’s self-image, which has been warped by years of trying to pass as neurotypical. David doesn’t like himself very much. He doesn’t accept himself. He certainly doesn’t know what anyone would see in him or why anyone would want to spend time with him if they don’t have to (a question he explicitly asks himself in the book and cannot answer). It’s common in romance for characters to know themselves very well, to easily identify their own flaws and those of others, and to identify and resolve interpersonal issues. Here, that common language of human interaction is fractured, sometimes entirely absent. The result is a painfully realistic reading experience.
Aspects that Resonated Most with Me
This book captures so many feelings I’m not sure I could even identify on my own, much less put into words.
Only focus on the things in your control. He set records. He won Gold. His combine results were stellar, and he did well in the interviews. They’ll make the right decision. David waits for them to say his name. They don’t. They don’t say it.
The media loves it. Of course they do. They love everything Jake does. David doesn’t know what he does to secure their unwavering affection, can’t even begin to guess.
When he gets back to Ottawa it’s to a quiet, empty apartment, a routine that feels empty. No matter what David does, it’s never going to be good enough.
Although I didn’t have a diagnosis until well into adulthood, I’ve known from early childhood that I’m different and had to make up for it if I wanted people to like me.
Like David, I thought I could make up for my “deficiencies” by being really good at the things that came more naturally. It was incredibly frustrating and disappointing to learn that in most situations, disproportionate weight is put on having specific personality traits, and there’s no amount of skill that will make you good enough in the eyes of many people. It makes you feel like something is fundamentally wrong with you and you’ll never be able to fix it.
So I understand why David can’t let go of being second in the draft or losing the Calder. It’s not just about the specific achievements, it’s also about what they represent about his place in the world and his feeling that he will never be good enough.
Of course, that doesn’t excuse what David does with those feelings. His anger at Jake is totally misplaced and unfair, and the ways he takes it out on Jake are terrible. But even though I don’t agree with his actions, I empathize so strongly with him in those moments: when he implements the “rules” for success in a literal, black and white way, and then the anger, the betrayal, the sense of futility, when he comes to believe that what he’s devoted every moment of every day to for as long as he can remember, is not for him to have and never, ever will be. It wasn’t until reading this book that I was able to fully understand some of my own experiences and see the origin of some of my own feelings of not being good enough.
The things you don’t talk about are the things you don’t want to talk about, the things you’re ashamed of. The things you don’t talk about are the things you can’t say.
This quote hit me really hard because I relate so deeply to being unable to talk about even the smallest things about yourself. David has been shown that it isn’t safe to be his true self around anyone. If anyone even starts to see his true feelings, he has to push them away as hard and fast as possible because otherwise they will reject him. This has clearly happened to him many times already.
There are so many things David doesn’t talk about: feelings, family, desires, sex. Small-talk questions from his agent about how things are going is “prying.” Telling Jake he wants to see him is “too much.” Asking Jake to stay is “pathetic.” Even when Jake enthusiastically invites him places, he thinks he has to give Jake an out to say no in case he changed his mind. We know David’s been shamed by peers for expressing strong emotions (“Crybaby Chapman”) and by his parents for wanting their attention. Even his intense devotion to hockey is mocked by other players who benefit from that very devotion (multiple examples of people calling him a hockey robot, for example). David has an intense fear of being seen as pathetic or needy, and it’s unfathomable to him that his feelings of friendship, affection, or love could be wanted, much less reciprocated.
It's incredibly painful to see how David’s isolation is self-reinforcing. He’s withdrawn so tightly into himself that he can’t really connect with anyone, and that’s interpreted as standoffishness, elitism, and disinterest, so other people don’t make an effort to connect with him, either. To be fair, he also struggles to connect with people because he’s disinterested in some aspects of “normal” social interaction and has convinced himself he doesn’t care about friendship (a self-protective lie quickly disproven by Jake and by others later in the trilogy), but his quick attachment to Jake shows how much he does want to make connections.
Jake’s probably angry at him. David would be, in his place. He didn’t expect it to be this hard. Or maybe he did, because he wasn’t even considering coming before the distance between him and Jake felt like a thread that was close to snapping. He didn’t want it to be this hard. It’s not the Lourdes, he knows it isn’t, they’ve been nice and welcoming, if overwhelming. It’s David who’s messing this up.
One of the themes in this book that resonated most was how autistic traits can push you away from the people you most want to connect with, and make you miss other opportunities entirely. David’s visit with Jake’s family is probably the most painful part of the book for me, because everyone in that situation is doing their best but completely failing to understand each other. David needs rules to function in social situations, and he needs to mask in order to be accepted by new people, but the social norms he’s trying to follow aren’t the same ones Jake’s family is applying, so they misinterpret his intentions. Trying to function in neurotypical society as an autistic person requires playing a constant guessing game of which social norms are operating at any given time, and it’s a game you lose at least as often as you win.
He went to Québec armed with As in his French classes and thought that meant he’d be able to communicate effectively, but he was wrong. He had As in his English classes too. He’s still missing something, always missing something, in a way other people don’t seem to. Jake probably got Cs at best, but he still seems to understand things in a way David doesn’t, doesn’t even think he’s capable of. What people mean, maybe. David has a hard time with that. No one ever means what they’re saying. Neither does he, he supposes. People wouldn’t like him if he said what he meant. Not that people like him anyway: he knows they don’t.
So many scenes in this book show how difficult it can be for autistic people to effectively communicate with non-autistic people, even when the autistic person is trying their hardest.
People laugh at things David doesn’t intend as jokes. People say things to him that he can recognize as jokes from context but doesn’t understand. People tell him he’s doing things with his face and body that he’s totally unaware of. He sees people’s body language but often doesn’t know how to interpret it. And so on.
One thing I really love about the extra scenes from Jake’s POV, which you can purchase on the author’s Tumblr, is that they demonstrate the double empathy problem, where autistic people and non-autistic people can equally struggle to empathize with each other.
This is probably my favorite quote from his POV: “Jake’s starting to get better at reading him, and once you know the little things he does – small smiles mean David’s super happy, furrowed brow is upset, maybe angry, maybe embarrassed, it depends, and the blank look that Jake thought was angry or condescending is actually confused. And David’s confused a lot. By the most ordinary things, too, like picnics, and taking days off, and the fact that Jake is so, so head over heels for him.”
This is at a point in the story where David thinks it’s “too much” to admit to wanting to spend time together, by the way.
This information, plus what David’s POV shows us about how little of himself he feels safe to share, illuminates the true size of the gap between who David really is, what he’s showing to the world, and how he’s perceived by others.
This is how David, who is so polite he often sounds scripted and gets called a hockey robot, can be perceived as rude and unlikeable. Sometimes, he’s purposefully rude. But most of the time, what’s seen as rudeness is actually him isolating himself as a self-protective measure, saying things that are misinterpreted, inadvertently conveying negative feelings with his facial expressions and body language, and misunderstanding other people’s intentions. David’s difficulties are partially the result of his struggles with both cognitive and affective empathy, but other people also lack the empathy or desire to look past their snap judgments to see what he’s really saying.
Other Notes
* My comments on the other two books in the trilogy are based on the versions previously available on AO3. Once those books are published, I’ll be updating my reviews for them.
* The trilogy is, technically, a romance, but I don’t think that’s the best definition for it. Although David and Jake’s relationship is at the core of the story, and is fundamental to it, this is really the story of David finding his place in the world and finding some measure of self-acceptance. I recommend reading this with character exploration as your primary goal.
* I highly recommend purchasing this book directly from the author on her Tumblr, because it comes with some extras, including Jake’s POV on a number of scenes in the book. His POV adds a lot to the story and the reader’s understanding of David, and helps answer the “why does he like David” question. In part it’s because Jake is determined to make everyone like him, but it’s also because Jake is someone with a lot of cognitive and affective empathy and puts those skills to use when getting to know David. Comparing Jake and David’s POVs shows just how many verbal and non-verbal cues David is completely missing.
Even though there’s a lot I don’t have in common with David, this trilogy perfectly captures my experience of coming of age as an autistic person who doesn’t know they’re autistic and has no vocabulary to understand themselves or help themselves be understood by others.
There is a common thread of isolation, confusion, frustration, and self-hatred woven through so many of the stories I’ve heard and read from other autistic people (as well as my own), and it’s woven into every page of this book. Although some of my traits manifest differently, and the details of many of my experiences are different, the feelings expressed in this book feel like an echo of my own, to the point that any time I read part of this trilogy, I spend days afterwards grappling with all the memories and emotions that have been excavated.
Fitzpatrick has done an incredible job showing how David’s past experiences with his parents, coaches, and teammates have shaped his current perceptions and beliefs even though David himself often does not make those connections. Similarly, his autistic traits are infused into everything he says and does without ever giving name to them (because David himself lacks those names). Yet, as is so often the case in real life, those traits aren’t so obvious that every reader will see them. Most people who encounter David will never know he’s autistic because he doesn’t fit the stereotypes and because he masks his traits as well as his trauma. Much of what makes it obvious is his thought process, which he keeps tightly hidden. People like David do not find out they’re autistic until they reach a crisis point that makes it inescapably obvious, and sometimes not even then.
Many reviews of this book talk about how David is unlikeable, and it’s true he does many unlikeable things during this part of his story. But some of what those readers are reacting to is David’s self-image, which has been warped by years of trying to pass as neurotypical. David doesn’t like himself very much. He doesn’t accept himself. He certainly doesn’t know what anyone would see in him or why anyone would want to spend time with him if they don’t have to (a question he explicitly asks himself in the book and cannot answer). It’s common in romance for characters to know themselves very well, to easily identify their own flaws and those of others, and to identify and resolve interpersonal issues. Here, that common language of human interaction is fractured, sometimes entirely absent. The result is a painfully realistic reading experience.
Aspects that Resonated Most with Me
This book captures so many feelings I’m not sure I could even identify on my own, much less put into words.
Only focus on the things in your control. He set records. He won Gold. His combine results were stellar, and he did well in the interviews. They’ll make the right decision. David waits for them to say his name. They don’t. They don’t say it.
The media loves it. Of course they do. They love everything Jake does. David doesn’t know what he does to secure their unwavering affection, can’t even begin to guess.
When he gets back to Ottawa it’s to a quiet, empty apartment, a routine that feels empty. No matter what David does, it’s never going to be good enough.
Although I didn’t have a diagnosis until well into adulthood, I’ve known from early childhood that I’m different and had to make up for it if I wanted people to like me.
Like David, I thought I could make up for my “deficiencies” by being really good at the things that came more naturally. It was incredibly frustrating and disappointing to learn that in most situations, disproportionate weight is put on having specific personality traits, and there’s no amount of skill that will make you good enough in the eyes of many people. It makes you feel like something is fundamentally wrong with you and you’ll never be able to fix it.
So I understand why David can’t let go of being second in the draft or losing the Calder. It’s not just about the specific achievements, it’s also about what they represent about his place in the world and his feeling that he will never be good enough.
Of course, that doesn’t excuse what David does with those feelings. His anger at Jake is totally misplaced and unfair, and the ways he takes it out on Jake are terrible. But even though I don’t agree with his actions, I empathize so strongly with him in those moments: when he implements the “rules” for success in a literal, black and white way, and then the anger, the betrayal, the sense of futility, when he comes to believe that what he’s devoted every moment of every day to for as long as he can remember, is not for him to have and never, ever will be. It wasn’t until reading this book that I was able to fully understand some of my own experiences and see the origin of some of my own feelings of not being good enough.
The things you don’t talk about are the things you don’t want to talk about, the things you’re ashamed of. The things you don’t talk about are the things you can’t say.
This quote hit me really hard because I relate so deeply to being unable to talk about even the smallest things about yourself. David has been shown that it isn’t safe to be his true self around anyone. If anyone even starts to see his true feelings, he has to push them away as hard and fast as possible because otherwise they will reject him. This has clearly happened to him many times already.
There are so many things David doesn’t talk about: feelings, family, desires, sex. Small-talk questions from his agent about how things are going is “prying.” Telling Jake he wants to see him is “too much.” Asking Jake to stay is “pathetic.” Even when Jake enthusiastically invites him places, he thinks he has to give Jake an out to say no in case he changed his mind. We know David’s been shamed by peers for expressing strong emotions (“Crybaby Chapman”) and by his parents for wanting their attention. Even his intense devotion to hockey is mocked by other players who benefit from that very devotion (multiple examples of people calling him a hockey robot, for example). David has an intense fear of being seen as pathetic or needy, and it’s unfathomable to him that his feelings of friendship, affection, or love could be wanted, much less reciprocated.
It's incredibly painful to see how David’s isolation is self-reinforcing. He’s withdrawn so tightly into himself that he can’t really connect with anyone, and that’s interpreted as standoffishness, elitism, and disinterest, so other people don’t make an effort to connect with him, either. To be fair, he also struggles to connect with people because he’s disinterested in some aspects of “normal” social interaction and has convinced himself he doesn’t care about friendship (a self-protective lie quickly disproven by Jake and by others later in the trilogy), but his quick attachment to Jake shows how much he does want to make connections.
Jake’s probably angry at him. David would be, in his place. He didn’t expect it to be this hard. Or maybe he did, because he wasn’t even considering coming before the distance between him and Jake felt like a thread that was close to snapping. He didn’t want it to be this hard. It’s not the Lourdes, he knows it isn’t, they’ve been nice and welcoming, if overwhelming. It’s David who’s messing this up.
One of the themes in this book that resonated most was how autistic traits can push you away from the people you most want to connect with, and make you miss other opportunities entirely. David’s visit with Jake’s family is probably the most painful part of the book for me, because everyone in that situation is doing their best but completely failing to understand each other. David needs rules to function in social situations, and he needs to mask in order to be accepted by new people, but the social norms he’s trying to follow aren’t the same ones Jake’s family is applying, so they misinterpret his intentions. Trying to function in neurotypical society as an autistic person requires playing a constant guessing game of which social norms are operating at any given time, and it’s a game you lose at least as often as you win.
He went to Québec armed with As in his French classes and thought that meant he’d be able to communicate effectively, but he was wrong. He had As in his English classes too. He’s still missing something, always missing something, in a way other people don’t seem to. Jake probably got Cs at best, but he still seems to understand things in a way David doesn’t, doesn’t even think he’s capable of. What people mean, maybe. David has a hard time with that. No one ever means what they’re saying. Neither does he, he supposes. People wouldn’t like him if he said what he meant. Not that people like him anyway: he knows they don’t.
So many scenes in this book show how difficult it can be for autistic people to effectively communicate with non-autistic people, even when the autistic person is trying their hardest.
People laugh at things David doesn’t intend as jokes. People say things to him that he can recognize as jokes from context but doesn’t understand. People tell him he’s doing things with his face and body that he’s totally unaware of. He sees people’s body language but often doesn’t know how to interpret it. And so on.
One thing I really love about the extra scenes from Jake’s POV, which you can purchase on the author’s Tumblr, is that they demonstrate the double empathy problem, where autistic people and non-autistic people can equally struggle to empathize with each other.
This is probably my favorite quote from his POV: “Jake’s starting to get better at reading him, and once you know the little things he does – small smiles mean David’s super happy, furrowed brow is upset, maybe angry, maybe embarrassed, it depends, and the blank look that Jake thought was angry or condescending is actually confused. And David’s confused a lot. By the most ordinary things, too, like picnics, and taking days off, and the fact that Jake is so, so head over heels for him.”
This is at a point in the story where David thinks it’s “too much” to admit to wanting to spend time together, by the way.
This information, plus what David’s POV shows us about how little of himself he feels safe to share, illuminates the true size of the gap between who David really is, what he’s showing to the world, and how he’s perceived by others.
This is how David, who is so polite he often sounds scripted and gets called a hockey robot, can be perceived as rude and unlikeable. Sometimes, he’s purposefully rude. But most of the time, what’s seen as rudeness is actually him isolating himself as a self-protective measure, saying things that are misinterpreted, inadvertently conveying negative feelings with his facial expressions and body language, and misunderstanding other people’s intentions. David’s difficulties are partially the result of his struggles with both cognitive and affective empathy, but other people also lack the empathy or desire to look past their snap judgments to see what he’s really saying.
Other Notes
* My comments on the other two books in the trilogy are based on the versions previously available on AO3. Once those books are published, I’ll be updating my reviews for them.
* The trilogy is, technically, a romance, but I don’t think that’s the best definition for it. Although David and Jake’s relationship is at the core of the story, and is fundamental to it, this is really the story of David finding his place in the world and finding some measure of self-acceptance. I recommend reading this with character exploration as your primary goal.
* I highly recommend purchasing this book directly from the author on her Tumblr, because it comes with some extras, including Jake’s POV on a number of scenes in the book. His POV adds a lot to the story and the reader’s understanding of David, and helps answer the “why does he like David” question. In part it’s because Jake is determined to make everyone like him, but it’s also because Jake is someone with a lot of cognitive and affective empathy and puts those skills to use when getting to know David. Comparing Jake and David’s POVs shows just how many verbal and non-verbal cues David is completely missing.
November 8, 2023
Re-Read: Nov 2023
Original Read: July 2022
Rating: 4.5 stars (rounded up)
This is one of the best examples of character development that I've ever read. EVER. David starts out being extremely unlikeable - which is the point. The author deliberately sets up this character to be so terrible that even the kindest and most forgiving people would have a hard time tolerating him. He's rude. He's petty. He's extremely selfish. He doesn't care about anybody's feelings or problems. He has no desire to give his time or energy to anybody or anything that doesn't revolve around his personal goals. I usually love grumpy characters, but this isn't what David was. When I started the story, I was willing to cut him some slack regarding some of the things he did, but then the author pushed things even further and I got to the point where my jaw dropped because David's behavior was so atrocious.
Specifically, there were two situations that left me stunned. I had to peel my eyebrows off the ceiling.
I've come across characters like David before in romances, but I always end up DNFing because the character's actions are either portrayed as being acceptable or the character immediately changes their entire personality when they meet the other MC. But that's where this author's incredible storytelling and writing abilities come into play, because David's character arc was the best I've ever come across.
David starts out being a character whose behavior is understandable but not acceptable. Due to absent parents (especially his mother, who acts exactly the same way David does) and his perfectionist tendencies, hockey is David's entire life. He has no friends, no meaningful family contact, no hobbies, nothing. He focuses on hockey 24/7 and despite it being a team sport, he treats his teammates as if they're just physical objects that David needs to win games - much like his hockey stick. Due to his lifelong focus on only hockey and a lonely childhood, David is quite immature, has very limited social skills and has no idea how to maintain relationships (romantic or otherwise), which made him completely incapable of properly dealing with Jake.
His relationship with Jake starts out as a one-sided enemies to lovers scenario. Jake has no issues with David but David genuinely hates the guy. It's never clear if the hatred is due to David's petty jealousy over Jake beating him at certain hockey things over the years or if David is confused by his attraction to Jake (since David has never cared about any sex-related things before) or both. It's also not clear why Jake decides to humor David's hatred and begin a friends-with-benefits relationship with him. But then again - the book is purely from David's POV and David never understands Jake's attraction to him either, so we (David + readers) just have to go with it. Personally, I couldn't have put up with David's rudeness, selfishness and his complete disregard for other people's wants and needs. But I guess Jake views things differently and somehow knew before David even did that David was capable of being a much better person than he was being and that Jake wanted to help him get there.
Anyway - the magic in the storytelling starts to appear when David and Jake start having sex. What starts out as a weird combination of hate sex and sexual relief slowly morphs into something more. Not only does David start spending a lot of time around Jake and thus, he witnesses how Jake treats the world and how the world treats him in return but I think the natural hormones released during sex made David have emotional reactions towards Jake that he wasn't expecting.
What I loved is that through studying Jake in different scenarios, David learns that a person's relationship with society is circular. David had been angry at the world, taking out that anger on the people around him, those people moved further away from him which made David's loneliness and anger worse, which made him lash out even harder etc etc etc. If he wants things to change, he has to put effort into stopping the actions that continue the downward spiral and that effort has to come from him. This realization is beautifully illustrated through the stark difference between Jake's close relationship with other hockey players and how those same players completely ignore David, even if they're on David's team. The jealousy that David experiences from seeing Jake having friends and being beloved by everyone eventually turns into a desire to have that for himself.
In addition, David learns (through a series of painful and frustrating mistakes) that all relationships are a two-way street. When having sex with Jake, David can't help but notice Jake's emotional reactions to certain things (probably due to the nature of sex and how physically close they are) and he slowly starts caring when Jake reacts negatively to something. Because he cares, he starts paying more attention to Jake's reactions and adjusting his own behavior to create more positive reactions, and he does this in all aspects of their lives, not just during sex.
My favorite example of this was with the texting. David hates texting because he thinks it's pointless and makes him uncomfortable because he rarely knows what to say. But chatting over text makes Jake happy so David does his best to do his part. He dutifully checks his phone much more regularly so he can see texts when they come in and he'll devote time to reading Jake's texts and trying to come up with something to say. Many times he won't know what to say, but that's the beauty of a healthy relationship - because Jake also put in effort by recognizing that David has an easier time replying when Jake asks direct, simple questions so that's what he does. It was so wonderful to see how David slowly got more comfortable with texting and chatting with Jake in general, to the point where he would miss talking to Jake if they went more than a day without texting.
By far, my favorite part of the whole thing was that David realized that this aspect of their relationship might be beneficial to him but it would never work unless he put aside his discomfort, lack of experience and put in the effort to make it work. Using texting for this was genius because it's such a great literal example of an activity that requires input from everyone involved but there were so many other examples in the story, like when Jake decides where they eat and what movie they watch several times in a row but would plead with David to pick once in a while, which David considered annoying and a waste of time, but he would dutifully come up with answers to make Jake happy. This message that David had to do his part in order to make his relationship with Jake work were sprinkled throughout the story in a hundred different ways and I loved that.
So through things like sex and texting, David is paying attention to something that isn't hockey for the first time in his life and this completely changes how he views the world. At the beginning of the story, there were several pages of very dense, very technical hockey babble. Don't worry - it doesn't matter if you don't know hockey well. I'm pretty sure the point of that dry writing is to demonstrate that David views hockey as a highly technical, complex physical activity. He references players only by their last names or just by their positions because them being human beings is irrelevant to him. But once he starts caring more about Jake's emotional state, David subconsciously starts doing this with everyone around him. During one specific hockey game that's going badly, David is very in tune with his captain's emotional reactions, noting that he's upset/angry/etc and how these emotions impact his play. This is in direct contrast with the dry, mechanical game descriptions at the beginning and I thought this was such a beautiful touch. It's a small thing but it was such a brilliant way to show how David's thought processes and his views of the world are changing.
But I also loved that David doesn't change overnight. In fact, the story ends with David still having a very long way to go. There are so many times where he takes three giant steps forward and Jake and I were cheering for him...only for him to let his anxiety/confusion/annoyance overwhelm him and he winds up taking two giant steps back. For example, . But that's one of the things I loved about it, because David's progress is so realistic. What I also loved about that was that Jake was probably also disappointed by how things went (we don't get his POV so I'm not 100% sure but I can't imagine that things went the way he hoped they would), but he never let his disappointment show and made sure David understood that they would move past this set back and look to the future.
Another example: David realized that if he wanted his teammates to be friendly towards him and make him feel like a valued part of the team, he had to put in effort. So he starts paying attention and learns the names of spouses/children/pets and memorizes important details that the players share with him so he can ask about them later. Deep down, he doesn't care about any of the players and he sees no value in these relationships yet, but he's willing to do it because he hopes it'll lead to good things later.
Overall, I highly recommend this if you enjoy fantastic character development. especially starting out with an extremely unlikeable character. David is one of the most interesting characters I've ever read about and I'm in awe at how talented this writer is. Pulling off a layered and complex character journey like David's takes incredibly skill and effort, which is why I was so blown away by this.
This all being said, the only reason I didn't rate this 5 stars is because this isn't book 1 of a trilogy; it's the first volume in one big book and the ending is kind of abrupt with a HFN vibe. I wish the author had waited and published the whole thing at once but I'm eagerly awaiting the next two parts.
Original Read: July 2022
Rating: 4.5 stars (rounded up)
This is one of the best examples of character development that I've ever read. EVER. David starts out being extremely unlikeable - which is the point. The author deliberately sets up this character to be so terrible that even the kindest and most forgiving people would have a hard time tolerating him. He's rude. He's petty. He's extremely selfish. He doesn't care about anybody's feelings or problems. He has no desire to give his time or energy to anybody or anything that doesn't revolve around his personal goals. I usually love grumpy characters, but this isn't what David was. When I started the story, I was willing to cut him some slack regarding some of the things he did, but then the author pushed things even further and I got to the point where my jaw dropped because David's behavior was so atrocious.
Specifically, there were two situations that left me stunned. I had to peel my eyebrows off the ceiling.
I've come across characters like David before in romances, but I always end up DNFing because the character's actions are either portrayed as being acceptable or the character immediately changes their entire personality when they meet the other MC. But that's where this author's incredible storytelling and writing abilities come into play, because David's character arc was the best I've ever come across.
David starts out being a character whose behavior is understandable but not acceptable. Due to absent parents (especially his mother, who acts exactly the same way David does) and his perfectionist tendencies, hockey is David's entire life. He has no friends, no meaningful family contact, no hobbies, nothing. He focuses on hockey 24/7 and despite it being a team sport, he treats his teammates as if they're just physical objects that David needs to win games - much like his hockey stick. Due to his lifelong focus on only hockey and a lonely childhood, David is quite immature, has very limited social skills and has no idea how to maintain relationships (romantic or otherwise), which made him completely incapable of properly dealing with Jake.
His relationship with Jake starts out as a one-sided enemies to lovers scenario. Jake has no issues with David but David genuinely hates the guy. It's never clear if the hatred is due to David's petty jealousy over Jake beating him at certain hockey things over the years or if David is confused by his attraction to Jake (since David has never cared about any sex-related things before) or both. It's also not clear why Jake decides to humor David's hatred and begin a friends-with-benefits relationship with him. But then again - the book is purely from David's POV and David never understands Jake's attraction to him either, so we (David + readers) just have to go with it. Personally, I couldn't have put up with David's rudeness, selfishness and his complete disregard for other people's wants and needs. But I guess Jake views things differently and somehow knew before David even did that David was capable of being a much better person than he was being and that Jake wanted to help him get there.
Anyway - the magic in the storytelling starts to appear when David and Jake start having sex. What starts out as a weird combination of hate sex and sexual relief slowly morphs into something more. Not only does David start spending a lot of time around Jake and thus, he witnesses how Jake treats the world and how the world treats him in return but I think the natural hormones released during sex made David have emotional reactions towards Jake that he wasn't expecting.
What I loved is that through studying Jake in different scenarios, David learns that a person's relationship with society is circular. David had been angry at the world, taking out that anger on the people around him, those people moved further away from him which made David's loneliness and anger worse, which made him lash out even harder etc etc etc. If he wants things to change, he has to put effort into stopping the actions that continue the downward spiral and that effort has to come from him. This realization is beautifully illustrated through the stark difference between Jake's close relationship with other hockey players and how those same players completely ignore David, even if they're on David's team. The jealousy that David experiences from seeing Jake having friends and being beloved by everyone eventually turns into a desire to have that for himself.
In addition, David learns (through a series of painful and frustrating mistakes) that all relationships are a two-way street. When having sex with Jake, David can't help but notice Jake's emotional reactions to certain things (probably due to the nature of sex and how physically close they are) and he slowly starts caring when Jake reacts negatively to something. Because he cares, he starts paying more attention to Jake's reactions and adjusting his own behavior to create more positive reactions, and he does this in all aspects of their lives, not just during sex.
My favorite example of this was with the texting. David hates texting because he thinks it's pointless and makes him uncomfortable because he rarely knows what to say. But chatting over text makes Jake happy so David does his best to do his part. He dutifully checks his phone much more regularly so he can see texts when they come in and he'll devote time to reading Jake's texts and trying to come up with something to say. Many times he won't know what to say, but that's the beauty of a healthy relationship - because Jake also put in effort by recognizing that David has an easier time replying when Jake asks direct, simple questions so that's what he does. It was so wonderful to see how David slowly got more comfortable with texting and chatting with Jake in general, to the point where he would miss talking to Jake if they went more than a day without texting.
By far, my favorite part of the whole thing was that David realized that this aspect of their relationship might be beneficial to him but it would never work unless he put aside his discomfort, lack of experience and put in the effort to make it work. Using texting for this was genius because it's such a great literal example of an activity that requires input from everyone involved but there were so many other examples in the story, like when Jake decides where they eat and what movie they watch several times in a row but would plead with David to pick once in a while, which David considered annoying and a waste of time, but he would dutifully come up with answers to make Jake happy. This message that David had to do his part in order to make his relationship with Jake work were sprinkled throughout the story in a hundred different ways and I loved that.
So through things like sex and texting, David is paying attention to something that isn't hockey for the first time in his life and this completely changes how he views the world. At the beginning of the story, there were several pages of very dense, very technical hockey babble. Don't worry - it doesn't matter if you don't know hockey well. I'm pretty sure the point of that dry writing is to demonstrate that David views hockey as a highly technical, complex physical activity. He references players only by their last names or just by their positions because them being human beings is irrelevant to him. But once he starts caring more about Jake's emotional state, David subconsciously starts doing this with everyone around him. During one specific hockey game that's going badly, David is very in tune with his captain's emotional reactions, noting that he's upset/angry/etc and how these emotions impact his play. This is in direct contrast with the dry, mechanical game descriptions at the beginning and I thought this was such a beautiful touch. It's a small thing but it was such a brilliant way to show how David's thought processes and his views of the world are changing.
But I also loved that David doesn't change overnight. In fact, the story ends with David still having a very long way to go. There are so many times where he takes three giant steps forward and Jake and I were cheering for him...only for him to let his anxiety/confusion/annoyance overwhelm him and he winds up taking two giant steps back. For example, . But that's one of the things I loved about it, because David's progress is so realistic. What I also loved about that was that Jake was probably also disappointed by how things went (we don't get his POV so I'm not 100% sure but I can't imagine that things went the way he hoped they would), but he never let his disappointment show and made sure David understood that they would move past this set back and look to the future.
Another example: David realized that if he wanted his teammates to be friendly towards him and make him feel like a valued part of the team, he had to put in effort. So he starts paying attention and learns the names of spouses/children/pets and memorizes important details that the players share with him so he can ask about them later. Deep down, he doesn't care about any of the players and he sees no value in these relationships yet, but he's willing to do it because he hopes it'll lead to good things later.
Overall, I highly recommend this if you enjoy fantastic character development. especially starting out with an extremely unlikeable character. David is one of the most interesting characters I've ever read about and I'm in awe at how talented this writer is. Pulling off a layered and complex character journey like David's takes incredibly skill and effort, which is why I was so blown away by this.
This all being said, the only reason I didn't rate this 5 stars is because this isn't book 1 of a trilogy; it's the first volume in one big book and the ending is kind of abrupt with a HFN vibe. I wish the author had waited and published the whole thing at once but I'm eagerly awaiting the next two parts.
October 8, 2024
How do you rate a book where being in the head of one characters made you simultaneously anxious, angry and heartbroken for him?
What a ride this book is. It sucked me in completely, despite it being written in 3rd person pov present tense, which I usually hate.
It was… tense. Very intense. And I agree with what most of my friends here said - it’s hard to like David for the first 30%, despite being in his head all the time. David is 19, and an NHL rookie. Hockey is his life, literally. Coming from a family that’s not lacking money, but haven’t experienced affection for as long as he can remember, he trains hard, always wanting to be the best. So ofc it more than rankles him that he’s not the first pick, and not the rookie that everyone fawns over - that role belongs to Jake Lourdes, the sunniest sunshine to ever shine. And on top of that, David dislikes Jake, even hates him, because he’s attracted to him. And said attraction could be the end of his hockey career, or so he convinced himself.
Did it remind me of Heated Rivalry? Ofc it did. But while Shane and Ilya both have their issues, and we get both their POVs, here, we only see Jake through David’s eyes. And what we see is bright, sunny and carefree - the complete opposite of David himself, who’s wound up so tightly that he might snap at every moment.
I won’t go into details, many of you have read it already. Enough to say that my heart broke multiple times, for both of them. And honestly - I can’t really fully understand why Jake decided that David is worth all the trouble with how he behaved at the beginning. I’m happy he did, because being in David’s head makes you understand his thoughts. But geeeez. That one scene (you’ll know the one I’m talking about if you read it). Really? Really, David?
Nevertheless, a book that keeps you hooked from the very beginning is definitely worth a read. I can’t rate it with 5 stars, because it didn’t make me feel good for the most part, but bear in mind that it’s part 1 of a trilogy, so it’s likely that I’ll rate the next one with 5, now that the worst obstacles in their relationship are dealt with.
Or are they? 🤣
Anyway. 4 stars from me. And onwards to book 2 😬
What a ride this book is. It sucked me in completely, despite it being written in 3rd person pov present tense, which I usually hate.
It was… tense. Very intense. And I agree with what most of my friends here said - it’s hard to like David for the first 30%, despite being in his head all the time. David is 19, and an NHL rookie. Hockey is his life, literally. Coming from a family that’s not lacking money, but haven’t experienced affection for as long as he can remember, he trains hard, always wanting to be the best. So ofc it more than rankles him that he’s not the first pick, and not the rookie that everyone fawns over - that role belongs to Jake Lourdes, the sunniest sunshine to ever shine. And on top of that, David dislikes Jake, even hates him, because he’s attracted to him. And said attraction could be the end of his hockey career, or so he convinced himself.
Did it remind me of Heated Rivalry? Ofc it did. But while Shane and Ilya both have their issues, and we get both their POVs, here, we only see Jake through David’s eyes. And what we see is bright, sunny and carefree - the complete opposite of David himself, who’s wound up so tightly that he might snap at every moment.
I won’t go into details, many of you have read it already. Enough to say that my heart broke multiple times, for both of them. And honestly - I can’t really fully understand why Jake decided that David is worth all the trouble with how he behaved at the beginning. I’m happy he did, because being in David’s head makes you understand his thoughts. But geeeez. That one scene (you’ll know the one I’m talking about if you read it). Really? Really, David?
Nevertheless, a book that keeps you hooked from the very beginning is definitely worth a read. I can’t rate it with 5 stars, because it didn’t make me feel good for the most part, but bear in mind that it’s part 1 of a trilogy, so it’s likely that I’ll rate the next one with 5, now that the worst obstacles in their relationship are dealt with.
Or are they? 🤣
Anyway. 4 stars from me. And onwards to book 2 😬
May 20, 2021
I love everything Taylor writes. Fact. And I always find her writing style, the pace and depth, the little detail that magnifies a feeling or a situation making you go "wow!" so peculiarly hers that I think I'd recognise it anywhere.
The interaction between the "prickly porcupine" and the "labrador retriever" (thanks, Xia!) works perfectly in her hands, and Coming in First Place is no exception.
David Chapman is difficult and isolated, enclosed in a world made of parental rejection, sneering teammates, and a desire to prove himself that burns him from within.
Jake Lourdes is pretty much his opposite - well-loved by family and friends, popular, attractive, and full of enthusiasm.
Their clash is inevitable (although one could argue that the clash is entirely in David's head) and when Jake shows him no hidden agendas, no second-guessing, but only genuine interest and attraction, David is "thrown off the ice" (apologies, but I had to do it!), so out of his carefully-measured depths that we see him scrambling desperately for something to hold on to. That something happens to be Jake.
The tentative HFN that closes this first volume of this trilogy left me wanting for much more and I'm looking forward to seeing where Taylor will take Chaps and Lourdy. Plus, Mike Brouwer is a character here (and every time he’s on page my heart melts a little).
BR with Chiara.
The interaction between the "prickly porcupine" and the "labrador retriever" (thanks, Xia!) works perfectly in her hands, and Coming in First Place is no exception.
David Chapman is difficult and isolated, enclosed in a world made of parental rejection, sneering teammates, and a desire to prove himself that burns him from within.
Jake Lourdes is pretty much his opposite - well-loved by family and friends, popular, attractive, and full of enthusiasm.
Their clash is inevitable (although one could argue that the clash is entirely in David's head) and when Jake shows him no hidden agendas, no second-guessing, but only genuine interest and attraction, David is "thrown off the ice" (apologies, but I had to do it!), so out of his carefully-measured depths that we see him scrambling desperately for something to hold on to. That something happens to be Jake.
The tentative HFN that closes this first volume of this trilogy left me wanting for much more and I'm looking forward to seeing where Taylor will take Chaps and Lourdy. Plus, Mike Brouwer is a character here (and every time he’s on page my heart melts a little).
BR with Chiara.
Want to read
November 16, 2020Thank you for the gift, Santa's favorite distracted Elf!
November 17, 2024
2024 reread:
This book was better for me this time around, mostly because I felt my perspective shift about David. With my 2024 brain, I now recognize that David comes off as neurodivergent. He seems oblivious and unyielding at first glance, but actually he's just struggling to figure out how everything works. Everyone around him seems to know the rules, but he is just floundering. He has to be coaxed into this romance like a feral cat. Jake is a wonderful character, patient and persistent. I still wish we got some of his perspective, though. I would love to see David through someone else's eyes. I was waiting for the trilogy to be complete before tackling the next one, so on we go.
Original review:
I was nervous about reading this book because the last Talyor Fitzpatrick book I read wrecked me. But I'm not at all sorry I did. After seeing a flurry of good reviews for this one I went in with high hopes. I have to say though, that I inevitably drew comparisons to Rachel Reid's knockout Heated Rivalry, I mean, it's exactly the same story. And it's a story I love - hockey rivals to lovers in a fraught and secret romance - get in my face. There are a few things that stopped this from being a perfect read for me, though. One is that we are too trapped in David's head, he is not an easy person to relate to and I would have loved to see things from Jake's perspective, also neither of them is described at all, so I couldn't really picture them in any great detail. Another thing is that there is A LOT of hockey terminology thrown around and like, okay, it's a hockey book but it felt so overly technical in places that I literally had no idea what was happening, kind of ruined the flow for me a bit. I did massively enjoy it though and eagerly await the next bit.
This book was better for me this time around, mostly because I felt my perspective shift about David. With my 2024 brain, I now recognize that David comes off as neurodivergent. He seems oblivious and unyielding at first glance, but actually he's just struggling to figure out how everything works. Everyone around him seems to know the rules, but he is just floundering. He has to be coaxed into this romance like a feral cat. Jake is a wonderful character, patient and persistent. I still wish we got some of his perspective, though. I would love to see David through someone else's eyes. I was waiting for the trilogy to be complete before tackling the next one, so on we go.
Original review:
I was nervous about reading this book because the last Talyor Fitzpatrick book I read wrecked me. But I'm not at all sorry I did. After seeing a flurry of good reviews for this one I went in with high hopes. I have to say though, that I inevitably drew comparisons to Rachel Reid's knockout Heated Rivalry, I mean, it's exactly the same story. And it's a story I love - hockey rivals to lovers in a fraught and secret romance - get in my face. There are a few things that stopped this from being a perfect read for me, though. One is that we are too trapped in David's head, he is not an easy person to relate to and I would have loved to see things from Jake's perspective, also neither of them is described at all, so I couldn't really picture them in any great detail. Another thing is that there is A LOT of hockey terminology thrown around and like, okay, it's a hockey book but it felt so overly technical in places that I literally had no idea what was happening, kind of ruined the flow for me a bit. I did massively enjoy it though and eagerly await the next bit.
March 21, 2022
"David has known Jake Lourdes' name since he was fourteen years old".
Yes, he does, but only his name, he doesn't really know anything else and that's what this book it's about.
Kudos to Taylor for the complexity that he always creates with his characters, it seemed like David was a normal dude, but he is not, the same seems about Jake, but he is not.
And this author just has a way of showing those depths, those mysterious things that make a human mind that I just, in awe.
Loved it! 🥰🥰
Yes, he does, but only his name, he doesn't really know anything else and that's what this book it's about.
Kudos to Taylor for the complexity that he always creates with his characters, it seemed like David was a normal dude, but he is not, the same seems about Jake, but he is not.
And this author just has a way of showing those depths, those mysterious things that make a human mind that I just, in awe.
Loved it! 🥰🥰
October 14, 2021
4.5 stars
What? What? How can it be over? I need more!
—————
Just as good the second time around and thank goodness that I have the second book in my greedy little hands.
What? What? How can it be over? I need more!
—————
Just as good the second time around and thank goodness that I have the second book in my greedy little hands.
July 6, 2024
4.5 ⭐️
David, oh David, you poor damaged boy.
Jake, you have the patience of a saint, and/or previously undiscovered self-esteem issues.
Needless to say, I am invested.
David, oh David, you poor damaged boy.
Jake, you have the patience of a saint, and/or previously undiscovered self-esteem issues.
Needless to say, I am invested.
June 7, 2020
I didn't love this one as much as other books by this author. I just can't for the life of me figure out why Jake would put up with David. I think there were too many times where the text said "they talked on the phone for hours" without recounting anything at all of those conversations, so the only on-page dialogue between them was pretty terrible. You can't just tell me that sometimes David managed to converse like a non-asshole, you have to show me.
November 18, 2024
I wanted to dislike David, but it sounds more exhausting to BE him than to date him. Though it's really close.
“What did you think Toronto was?” Jake asks.
“I was convenient,” David says quietly.
Jake barks out a laugh. “You are the least convenient person I’ve ever met,” he says.
RIGHT? Be for real, David.
I have no strong feelings either way about this but I'm open to reading more.
“What did you think Toronto was?” Jake asks.
“I was convenient,” David says quietly.
Jake barks out a laugh. “You are the least convenient person I’ve ever met,” he says.
RIGHT? Be for real, David.
I have no strong feelings either way about this but I'm open to reading more.
July 8, 2025
“the gold medal is here...david can’t look at it, sitting beside the silver, like they’re even close to the same.”
the star of this book is definitely david's characterisation - his emotional vulnerability and deep-seated need to prove himself make him such a compelling and well-written character. he is utterly co-dependant on his strict schedules, has centered his whole life around his sport and is such a sore loser and i loved every minute of it. his flaws and internal struggles add a real depth to the story and a sense of humanity to his character that's painfully relatable.
my issue with the story was (unfortunately) jake. he is charismatic, effortlessly talented, and always saying the right thing and while he makes for a fun love interest, his lack of meaningful or personal struggles makes him a less dynamic and less interesting character compared to david.
there's a particular scene early on where david blows up at him, saying that jake means nothing to him and i was expecting quite an emotional talk after but then i turn the page and find that the whole argument is glossed over and jake just acts like it never really happened? and it happens quite often where moments of conflict are just resolved in the same breath and everything ties up very conveniently, mostly in part to jake doing a lot of grunt work in the relationship, and while i understand why david pulls away, i can't really grasp why jake is so intent to follow.
it causes the pacing to feel a little uneven with some scenes dragging on while others rush through important emotional beats and i was left feeling like they hadn't quite earned their relationship.
overall, it's a strong start to the series, but hopefully, future installments tighten up the storytelling.
“you are very good,” kurmazov says. “you are better than i was at your age. but where is your family, david? where are your friends?”
the star of this book is definitely david's characterisation - his emotional vulnerability and deep-seated need to prove himself make him such a compelling and well-written character. he is utterly co-dependant on his strict schedules, has centered his whole life around his sport and is such a sore loser and i loved every minute of it. his flaws and internal struggles add a real depth to the story and a sense of humanity to his character that's painfully relatable.
my issue with the story was (unfortunately) jake. he is charismatic, effortlessly talented, and always saying the right thing and while he makes for a fun love interest, his lack of meaningful or personal struggles makes him a less dynamic and less interesting character compared to david.
there's a particular scene early on where david blows up at him, saying that jake means nothing to him and i was expecting quite an emotional talk after but then i turn the page and find that the whole argument is glossed over and jake just acts like it never really happened? and it happens quite often where moments of conflict are just resolved in the same breath and everything ties up very conveniently, mostly in part to jake doing a lot of grunt work in the relationship, and while i understand why david pulls away, i can't really grasp why jake is so intent to follow.
it causes the pacing to feel a little uneven with some scenes dragging on while others rush through important emotional beats and i was left feeling like they hadn't quite earned their relationship.
overall, it's a strong start to the series, but hopefully, future installments tighten up the storytelling.
“you are very good,” kurmazov says. “you are better than i was at your age. but where is your family, david? where are your friends?”
September 12, 2024
Okay, so I read both books. I read the second because the first one had a cliffhanger -- I hate it when it happens without warning. And the second book, guess what, has a cliffhanger too, way worse than the one in the first imho 😒
📱 I love Jake with all my heart 💗 He tries. He's empathic toward David. He loves him.
📱 I profoundly dislike David. Like, buddy, someone has got to shake you a bit. Like physically. And tell you to grow a pair: you are independent → confront your parents; you struggle with your emotions → go to therapy; you are a grown-up → get the courage to reflect on what makes you happy.
Anyhowwww, you are in for:
📱 MM sports romance
📱 on-and-off-and-on-and-off again relationship
📱 secret relationship (due to the usual homophobia-originated-trope)
📱 low steam level (mostly behind closed doors)
📱 single POV (a reason, I must remind myself, why Fitzpatrick is rarely my cup of tea)
📱 the most absurd slang ever used in chats (like wtf)
📱 I love Jake with all my heart 💗 He tries. He's empathic toward David. He loves him.
📱 I profoundly dislike David. Like, buddy, someone has got to shake you a bit. Like physically. And tell you to grow a pair: you are independent → confront your parents; you struggle with your emotions → go to therapy; you are a grown-up → get the courage to reflect on what makes you happy.
Anyhowwww, you are in for:
📱 MM sports romance
📱 on-and-off-and-on-and-off again relationship
📱 secret relationship (due to the usual homophobia-originated-trope)
📱 low steam level (mostly behind closed doors)
📱 single POV (a reason, I must remind myself, why Fitzpatrick is rarely my cup of tea)
📱 the most absurd slang ever used in chats (like wtf)
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