Essential Manners for Couples: From Snoring and Sex to Finances and Fighting Fair-What Works, What Doesn't, and Why

by Peter Post

From the man who closed the lid forever on the "toilet seat debate" in the New York Times bestseller Essential Manners for Men comes the follow-up book that paves the way for couples everywhere to fix relationship problems before they start. Peter Post offers the secrets to a long and happy marriage or partnership—without psychoanalysis or prescription medication. The good often just a few simple words or actions can mend a rift. Essential Manners for Couples reveals how easy it can be to keep the spark in your relationship. With self-deprecating humor, clarity, and wit, Peter recounts couples' most mischievous manners foibles (his own included). Essential Manners for Couples is based on Emily Post Institute surveys, Peter's years of fielding thousands of etiquette questions, popular demand from couples attending his national lectures and workshops, and his experience as a husband and father. Peter looks at couples' private lives and public lives, revealing the common "flashpoints"—the places, situations, and times when inconsiderate behavior is most likely to invade your blissful coupledom. He offers "etiquette imperatives"—simple truths and concise nuggets of advice not to be ignored, Essential Manners for Couples is a must-have resource for the couple who wants to celebrate their union and strengthen it. As Peter Post says, "By using the principles of etiquette, couples can avoid many of the potholes on the road of their shared life, and the ones they do hit are smaller and more manageable." With this book in hand, you'll enhance your relationship, head off hostilities, and have fun doing it.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Ebooks

288 pages, Hardcover

First published November 1, 2005

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Peter Post, Emily Post's great-grandson, writes the "Etiquette at Work" column for the Sunday edition of The Boston Globe. He is the author of the best-selling book Essential Manners for Men, Essential Manners for Couples and co-authored The Etiquette Advantage in Business, which is in its second edition.

Reviews

[Tatjana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a little surprised to read the comments people made:
You probably know everything in the book, blah blah
If you would read this book you are probably already conscientious...

Yes. I'm a contentious person, in a great relationship; but I had a lot of a-ha moments reading this. I also started to see how truly rude people are to their partners. I'm pretty sure some of the people taking it for granted that they are doing the stuff in this book are not.

Stop and think for a moment the last time you heard someone make a snide remark about their partner. Something as seemingly common as "Oh that Bob won't get up off the couch once the football season's started! What can you do?". How would I feel if someone said that about me in front of our mutual friends? Crappy. Wouldn't you?

I came from a brutally broken home where people didn't behave civilly. There was a lot of the proverbial "running with scissors". My knee jerk reaction is usually to reach for self help books when I don't know how to proceed. I have recently found these books tired and repetitive. They have, recently, seemed all about proving you are right as opposed to taking responsibility for your actions without drama and histrionics and moving forward (again, without drama) .

It was refreshing to see a marriage book written by a man who was neither Dr. Phil nor Deepak Chopra. I picked it up form the library and was so impressed that I got a copy for myself. I recently finished it.

There aren't any soul-searching conversations that make you want to shoot yourself. No journalling, no crafts, no feng-shui, no parental blaming, no dates with yourself, no finding yourself through volunteering and no throwing things out of the window.

There are simple ideas that you forget as time moves on. Those simple ideas bring immediate results. IMMEDIATE. Not only that, your partner (after the initial shock of *wtf?*) will go along in kind. Once they realize you mean it and there is no anterior motive (actions speak louder than words, after all), you will see profound changes. This isn't going to fix sleeping around, or abuse or anything. This is for those moments when you can't figure out how to proceed. Once you enter middle age and don't have the distraction of children, there aren't a lot of guideposts out there. True, a lot of the guideposts in the book do have a "Duh" factor; however, they are not things our society (and most of those self-help books) promote these days, and you certainly don't see many people practicing them.

I like the book and will keep it. I like the change I see in me for looking at things differently. It's not perfect, but it definitely helps you find a path.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Started this because I found in my basement during quarantine. Old and funny advice, but some good reminders. Also, a nice pat on the back to read about the manners we have being doing well and/or improved upon during our years of marriage.

[Bryan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm a therapist and most of my work is in the realm of mental health. That being said I also do a lot, privately and in the mental health field, in negotiating relationships and their pitfalls.

This book, while full of good information, is a rather.... lets say safe, if not common sense approach to negotiating some of a relationships most common pitfalls. While it has good information most of it isn't very in depth or comprehensive. It sort of glosses over the problem topics and gives some very basic advice but definitely nothing mind blowing.

All in all I probably would not recommend this book to clients or new couples unless there was a lot of ignorance in negotiating relationships in general.

[Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I appreciated this book and it was a fun read! It wasn’t as outdated as I’d expect (saying for example it’s fine if the woman proposes), and only some things I disagreed with. Sometimes certain things may seem obvious but it’s still good to be reminded of them again and again. For example the part about making coffee for one’s partner in the morning and how this can be a sweet gesture of consideration and love to start the day. In this day and age of such disrespect in relationships (and selfishness), many young people could read something like this.

[Tunes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was very helpful and informative. It was well written and organized. I think it's a little old and some of the advice is not really relevant any more. It is still very helpful overall though.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, this is a book everyone in the whole world needs on their shelves for reference. Maybe required reading every three years too.

Good stuff here

[Geena Peters · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good tips!

[Cameron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parents should give this to their kids when they marry. Kids can give this book to their parents. Parents and(those poor folks who remain childless whom we call)Couples can give it to each other. Practical advice for keeping each other first in mind. I dont recall who gave it to us, but my Love and I both read it years ago and many of the ideas are still in play in our life.

[Babibadidu · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first Emily Post series book I've read and I'm falling in love with it. For me, a girl from a different country with different culture and background who married to an American boy, this book saved my life. It taught me how my partner might think or do and how other couples deal with their problems. I would definitely recommend this book to my family and friends.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think every couple needs to read this whether they're newlyweds or have been married for years. It really makes you stop and think about how your actions are affecting your spouse--things you didn't even realize could make a difference.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

The anecdotes were charming, but the information wasn't anything that I hadn't heard before. Reading an article from the relationships section of a site like WebMD would have been quicker and more informative. I finished the book with the unsettling feeling like I had wasted my time.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

The main message is be considerate and the book starts to drag a bit because it doesn't feel like there is much more to the book. Thinking before we act and speak makes a huge difference it's just that you can sum all 388 pages in one sentence.

[sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Especially if you are prone to throwing down occasionally, you and your partner may not be aware of the other's boundaries. We like to drink heavily once every two months.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book before I got married, just in case. Actually, it was pretty validating; but for others it may make them think about how they treat their partner in day-to-day life.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Has great advice and interesting ideas and facts

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great reminder of the little things that mean so much.

[Don Incognito · Rating 3 out of 5]

You should read this at least once in case there's anything you don't already know, but if you're a conscientious person, you're probably already doing everything in it. A lot of the obvious.

[Bree · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing ground-breaking, but a nice reminder of how to treat your spouse with civility