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Big Lizard: A Novel
Buster Nix, overweight and frustrated with his life, finally finds a new job through the help of his aunt who works at an employment agency. He has been given the position of security guard at the headquarters of a chain of fast food restaurants called Pick-A-Chicken. There, like choosing a lobster in a seafood store, you literally pick your own chicken for slaughter, and for a bit of extra cash, you can do it yourself with a company hatchet.
It’s all the rage. Buster hates it. He even hates the fried chicken they make, and he has a discount. What he doesn’t know, is not only is Pick-A-Chicken the home of a radical new trend in dining, it is primarily successful due to supernatural intervention from a strange, denizen of Hell called the Lizard God. He provides the restaurant chain’s owner, Elroy Cuzzins, with incredible success in return for a few bloody favors. In fact, appeasing the Lizard God is a family tradition dating way back.
One night, while checking doors, Buster hears chanting in a storage facility, discovers a supernatural ritual, accidently upsets a flaming brazier that not only destroys the ceremony, but sets his employer on fire with the literal flames of hell. The fire doesn’t do Buster any good either, not to mention the chickens set for sacrifice.
Buster ends up in the burn unit, and not long thereafter, discovers that the botched supernatural ceremony has given him the power to transform into a big lizard who can run fast, has incredible strength, a large tail, and a hard time not ripping his pants.
With a rag tag crew, including, Socrates, a surviving eye-patch wearing chicken scheduled to have been one of the sacrifices, a teenage tech wizard named Isaac who lives in the remains of a Biblical theme park dedicated to Noah and shaped like an ark, Buster sets out to battle evil. Prominent on his evil list is his old boss, Elroy Cuzzins. The same supernatural accident that changed Buster into Big Lizard, has transformed Cuzzins into an angry, giant chicken that drives a red sports car and commits serial killings. Through lack of imagination, Cuzzins is given the moniker, Big Chicken.
If that isn’t bad enough, Buster can’t quite control his transformations into a giant reptile. The surviving brain-enhanced chicken with an eye patch, Socrates, can not only talk, but is an irritating smart ass. Socrates has helpful premonitions of the future, as well as visions of hell, and to activate these abilities an electrical shock and a spewing of chicken doo-doo is required. To make matters even more complicated, Buster is now the stand in for Issacs’s dead father, and the talking Noah statue in the theme park won’t shut up about boarding the ark “Two by two.”
Being a superhero turns out to be far more complicated and personally devastating than Buster and his friends could ever have imagined, and stopping Big Chicken is no easy trick.
It’s all the rage. Buster hates it. He even hates the fried chicken they make, and he has a discount. What he doesn’t know, is not only is Pick-A-Chicken the home of a radical new trend in dining, it is primarily successful due to supernatural intervention from a strange, denizen of Hell called the Lizard God. He provides the restaurant chain’s owner, Elroy Cuzzins, with incredible success in return for a few bloody favors. In fact, appeasing the Lizard God is a family tradition dating way back.
One night, while checking doors, Buster hears chanting in a storage facility, discovers a supernatural ritual, accidently upsets a flaming brazier that not only destroys the ceremony, but sets his employer on fire with the literal flames of hell. The fire doesn’t do Buster any good either, not to mention the chickens set for sacrifice.
Buster ends up in the burn unit, and not long thereafter, discovers that the botched supernatural ceremony has given him the power to transform into a big lizard who can run fast, has incredible strength, a large tail, and a hard time not ripping his pants.
With a rag tag crew, including, Socrates, a surviving eye-patch wearing chicken scheduled to have been one of the sacrifices, a teenage tech wizard named Isaac who lives in the remains of a Biblical theme park dedicated to Noah and shaped like an ark, Buster sets out to battle evil. Prominent on his evil list is his old boss, Elroy Cuzzins. The same supernatural accident that changed Buster into Big Lizard, has transformed Cuzzins into an angry, giant chicken that drives a red sports car and commits serial killings. Through lack of imagination, Cuzzins is given the moniker, Big Chicken.
If that isn’t bad enough, Buster can’t quite control his transformations into a giant reptile. The surviving brain-enhanced chicken with an eye patch, Socrates, can not only talk, but is an irritating smart ass. Socrates has helpful premonitions of the future, as well as visions of hell, and to activate these abilities an electrical shock and a spewing of chicken doo-doo is required. To make matters even more complicated, Buster is now the stand in for Issacs’s dead father, and the talking Noah statue in the theme park won’t shut up about boarding the ark “Two by two.”
Being a superhero turns out to be far more complicated and personally devastating than Buster and his friends could ever have imagined, and stopping Big Chicken is no easy trick.
- GenresHorror
240 pages, Hardcover
First published September 30, 2020
58 people want to read
About the author
Joe R. Lansdale
821 books3,854 followersChampion Mojo Storyteller Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over forty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in more than two dozen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Ho-Tep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror," and he adapted his short story "Christmas with the Dead" to film hisownself. The film adaptation of his novel Cold in July was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Sundance Channel has adapted his Hap & Leonard novels for television.
He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.
He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
June 23, 2020
Fantastic funny fast read.
The first Lansdale book I read was The Drive In and I loved it. Just crazy funny horror. And while this has many of those same vibes, it also feels like a supernatural superhero origin story.
Look, I'm not going to write the plot summary here since that's already available to you, but I can verify that what was said in there is accurate in the book and it's fun when you experience all that.
Now I know this book involved Keith Lansdale as well but he must have kept right up there with his dad. It still had that folksy-in-the-face-of-horror tone that comes with Joe's books. Maybe Keith wrote the lizard parts and Joe wrote the Buster parts? Whatever Keith did, it worked! And now I want to buy into the Pick-a-Chicken franchise. Or at least get one of those chicken hats.
There's an incredibly enjoyable story here with just enough of whatever you want. Including a big lizard penis.
I read this as an ARC from SST for an honest review. And it didn't include any of the artwork so I'm a little sad about that. Knowing the effort Paul Fry at SST puts into his editions, I can only imagine how awesome it will be to read this book with all the bells and whistles--not that I expect the finished book to make any sounds because that would suck, to read stories around loud sudden noises and alerts and what not.
If you're a Lansdale fan this is a must-own.
If you're an admirer of great editions, this is a must-own.
If you want to read about people transforming into something other than wolves, this is a must-own.
If you like your cultural sarcasm spread evenly on a delicious piece of fiction, you need this book.
Great story. Only wish there was more of it.
The first Lansdale book I read was The Drive In and I loved it. Just crazy funny horror. And while this has many of those same vibes, it also feels like a supernatural superhero origin story.
Look, I'm not going to write the plot summary here since that's already available to you, but I can verify that what was said in there is accurate in the book and it's fun when you experience all that.
Now I know this book involved Keith Lansdale as well but he must have kept right up there with his dad. It still had that folksy-in-the-face-of-horror tone that comes with Joe's books. Maybe Keith wrote the lizard parts and Joe wrote the Buster parts? Whatever Keith did, it worked! And now I want to buy into the Pick-a-Chicken franchise. Or at least get one of those chicken hats.
There's an incredibly enjoyable story here with just enough of whatever you want. Including a big lizard penis.
I read this as an ARC from SST for an honest review. And it didn't include any of the artwork so I'm a little sad about that. Knowing the effort Paul Fry at SST puts into his editions, I can only imagine how awesome it will be to read this book with all the bells and whistles--not that I expect the finished book to make any sounds because that would suck, to read stories around loud sudden noises and alerts and what not.
If you're a Lansdale fan this is a must-own.
If you're an admirer of great editions, this is a must-own.
If you want to read about people transforming into something other than wolves, this is a must-own.
If you like your cultural sarcasm spread evenly on a delicious piece of fiction, you need this book.
Great story. Only wish there was more of it.
June 30, 2020
What a great ride. Jump on the back of Big Lizard and go for the ride! Got a copy of the book as an ARC from SST Publications. Easy five star book again from Lansdale. This time he teams up with his son Keith to bring us, well I'm not sure what genre it would fall into, part horror, part weird fiction, part super hero, but whatever you want to classify it as it works. Great characters, just wait till you meet socks, my favorite of the bunch.
Has all the stuff Lansdale is known for, weird, gruesome, dark comedy and lovable characters. Loved it. Get on over to SST publications and get your copy ordered.
Has all the stuff Lansdale is known for, weird, gruesome, dark comedy and lovable characters. Loved it. Get on over to SST publications and get your copy ordered.
September 8, 2022
This book is a riot. Just good fun. Completely nuts. Really looking forward to whatever Joe and Keith come up with in the future.
Definitely a book that could get you out of a reading slump.
A solid four stars.
Definitely a book that could get you out of a reading slump.
A solid four stars.
July 6, 2020
If you like Joe Lansdale's work, you're going to be more than satisfied with Big Lizard. If you've never read him before, then buckle the f*ck up because you're in for a hell of an introduction.
Big Lizard is a wild, weird, darkly comic, gory, occasionally terrifying, and consistently entertaining romp through the world of the occult, chicken restaurants, and Biblical theme parks. You really get a representation of all Lansdale's genres here. Crime, horror, humor, it's all in there. As to the story? There's a Big Lizard, of course, but there's also a Giant Chicken. And demons. And a smartass normal-sized chicken with big-sized intelligence (and an eye patch, because why the heck not?). And a homeless guy named after one of the most significant Roman symbols of conquest and geoengineering.
The protagonist, Buster Nix, is a believable and mostly endearing schlub who finds himself in way over his head when he takes a job as a security guard at a chicken plant and restaurant. I won't say any more about the specifics of the plot, but I'll say this: it moves at light speed but tells a massive story that's part exploration of a demonic bureaucracy, part clear-eyed economic and class critique, a cultural exploration of religion, and also a superhero origin story. Sit down and strap in, because you're gonna get an enjoyable case of whiplash, punctuated with the occasional guffaw and muttered "what the heck did I just read", in the best possible way.
And it's all written with Lansdale's trademark verve, visceral descriptions, and humor. You want snappy dialogue? You got it. You want fully-fleshed characters who seem to come to life right before you on the page? Sure. Fart jokes? At least a half dozen.
I think this passage says it all:
***
Buster stared at a poster mounted on the wall behind Auntie June. A cat was hanging on for dear life with the inspirational message of "Hang in there," printed at the top.
Buster wasn't sure why that was supposed to inspire him. That cat just looked f*cked.
***
A final word about the physical book itself--the cover is gorgeous, and perfectly evokes the feel of the book. You could easily see this working as a graphic novel. The contents are beautifully presented by SST, with a great layout that really lends itself to the story and does its own lifting on building the theme.
I literally cannot recommend this book highly enough.
Big Lizard is a wild, weird, darkly comic, gory, occasionally terrifying, and consistently entertaining romp through the world of the occult, chicken restaurants, and Biblical theme parks. You really get a representation of all Lansdale's genres here. Crime, horror, humor, it's all in there. As to the story? There's a Big Lizard, of course, but there's also a Giant Chicken. And demons. And a smartass normal-sized chicken with big-sized intelligence (and an eye patch, because why the heck not?). And a homeless guy named after one of the most significant Roman symbols of conquest and geoengineering.
The protagonist, Buster Nix, is a believable and mostly endearing schlub who finds himself in way over his head when he takes a job as a security guard at a chicken plant and restaurant. I won't say any more about the specifics of the plot, but I'll say this: it moves at light speed but tells a massive story that's part exploration of a demonic bureaucracy, part clear-eyed economic and class critique, a cultural exploration of religion, and also a superhero origin story. Sit down and strap in, because you're gonna get an enjoyable case of whiplash, punctuated with the occasional guffaw and muttered "what the heck did I just read", in the best possible way.
And it's all written with Lansdale's trademark verve, visceral descriptions, and humor. You want snappy dialogue? You got it. You want fully-fleshed characters who seem to come to life right before you on the page? Sure. Fart jokes? At least a half dozen.
I think this passage says it all:
***
Buster stared at a poster mounted on the wall behind Auntie June. A cat was hanging on for dear life with the inspirational message of "Hang in there," printed at the top.
Buster wasn't sure why that was supposed to inspire him. That cat just looked f*cked.
***
A final word about the physical book itself--the cover is gorgeous, and perfectly evokes the feel of the book. You could easily see this working as a graphic novel. The contents are beautifully presented by SST, with a great layout that really lends itself to the story and does its own lifting on building the theme.
I literally cannot recommend this book highly enough.
July 7, 2020
NOTE: I received an ARC from SST (Short, Scary Tales Publications) in exchange for an unbiased review.
As with any new Lansdale, I was excited to read this book. And as with any Lansdale, it did not disappoint.
This collaboration between Joe hisownself and his son Keith is a quick, quirky, and fun read. Superhero elements mixed with the occult, Noah's Ark, and a DIY fried chicken joint add up to quite the tale. The characters are well-developed without being overly detailed, and the story is plot-driven and surprising. Should there be a sequel, I would certainly enjoy more exploits of Big Lizard/Buster, Socks, and Isaac.
While I can't speak to the art as it was not included in this ARC, I have seen work by the artist before and was impressed. I look forward to seeing the illustrations for this book in the future.
A collectable edition is on the way at the end of September. If you're looking for a fun tale of oddballs by a master storyteller, check it out.
As with any new Lansdale, I was excited to read this book. And as with any Lansdale, it did not disappoint.
This collaboration between Joe hisownself and his son Keith is a quick, quirky, and fun read. Superhero elements mixed with the occult, Noah's Ark, and a DIY fried chicken joint add up to quite the tale. The characters are well-developed without being overly detailed, and the story is plot-driven and surprising. Should there be a sequel, I would certainly enjoy more exploits of Big Lizard/Buster, Socks, and Isaac.
While I can't speak to the art as it was not included in this ARC, I have seen work by the artist before and was impressed. I look forward to seeing the illustrations for this book in the future.
A collectable edition is on the way at the end of September. If you're looking for a fun tale of oddballs by a master storyteller, check it out.
June 9, 2021
“The air smelled of fried chicken and eternal Damnation”
Oh my gosh, I enjoyed this read so much!
You might not think a story in which a fried chicken-restaurant cult summons a Lizard God by sacrificing chickens would work. Of course the ceremony goes wrong, changing one of the cult members into a homicidal were-chicken (and the interloper into a big lizard). In short: It work extremely well and I found it hilarious and have since invested in another Lansdale book.
Oh my gosh, I enjoyed this read so much!
You might not think a story in which a fried chicken-restaurant cult summons a Lizard God by sacrificing chickens would work. Of course the ceremony goes wrong, changing one of the cult members into a homicidal were-chicken (and the interloper into a big lizard). In short: It work extremely well and I found it hilarious and have since invested in another Lansdale book.
October 27, 2020
Friends, family members, and probably a good number of perfect strangers, know that I read a lot, and their first question (actually their second question, the first is usually what are you reading now?) tends to be who’s your favorite author? My answer to that question has changed over the years, but nowadays, more often than not, I say Joe Lansdale.
Lansdale writes a little bit (actually a lot) of everything—horror, crime fiction, historical fiction, fantasy, you name it. He does it all well, and with the Hap & Leonard books, he’s writing the most consistently entertaining ongoing series currently in existence.
All of this is to say that I was tickled ten shades of pink to be able to read Big Lizard, a new novel he wrote with his son Keith. Big Lizard is available for pre-order now (https://subterraneanpress.com/big-lizard) from Subterranean Press, and will be published in October. Jump on the bandwagon now, kids, this one’s a keeper! If you’ve read Lansdale’s Drive-In novels, he’s playing in the same sandbox here. Much like those novels, this is balls to the wall, gonzo storytelling at its finest. It features a rag-tag group of heroes, including an overweight security guard, a talking chicken with an eye patch, and a teenage tech genius who lives in an abandoned Noah’s Ark replica. Oh yeah, the security guard metamorphosizes into the Big Lizard of the title. There’s a deadly supernatural ritual that goes horribly wrong, and some interdimensional travel into the literal fires of hell. Also, lots of fried chicken and biscuits.
Did I mention the giant, homicidal chicken? There’s a giant, homicidal chicken, who turns out to be Big Lizard’s nemesis. Because, what Big Lizard also is, is a super hero origin story, and every super hero needs a nemesis. The Lansdale team delivers in every way here. Big Lizard is laugh-out-loud funny, profane, and brimming with cartoony violence. It’s also brimming with startlingly original language. Both men have a gift for describing what should be indescribable.
Lansdale writes a little bit (actually a lot) of everything—horror, crime fiction, historical fiction, fantasy, you name it. He does it all well, and with the Hap & Leonard books, he’s writing the most consistently entertaining ongoing series currently in existence.
All of this is to say that I was tickled ten shades of pink to be able to read Big Lizard, a new novel he wrote with his son Keith. Big Lizard is available for pre-order now (https://subterraneanpress.com/big-lizard) from Subterranean Press, and will be published in October. Jump on the bandwagon now, kids, this one’s a keeper! If you’ve read Lansdale’s Drive-In novels, he’s playing in the same sandbox here. Much like those novels, this is balls to the wall, gonzo storytelling at its finest. It features a rag-tag group of heroes, including an overweight security guard, a talking chicken with an eye patch, and a teenage tech genius who lives in an abandoned Noah’s Ark replica. Oh yeah, the security guard metamorphosizes into the Big Lizard of the title. There’s a deadly supernatural ritual that goes horribly wrong, and some interdimensional travel into the literal fires of hell. Also, lots of fried chicken and biscuits.
Did I mention the giant, homicidal chicken? There’s a giant, homicidal chicken, who turns out to be Big Lizard’s nemesis. Because, what Big Lizard also is, is a super hero origin story, and every super hero needs a nemesis. The Lansdale team delivers in every way here. Big Lizard is laugh-out-loud funny, profane, and brimming with cartoony violence. It’s also brimming with startlingly original language. Both men have a gift for describing what should be indescribable.
August 14, 2020
Some books centre on the eternal battle between good and evil. Others peer into mystical realms. Plenty portray unlikely comrades in testing situations. The most thoughtful present the futility of organised religion, systemic racism, corporate greed and their increasingly negative effects.
Big Lizard wraps all these themes in one grease-soiled Kafka fever dream involving a smartass talking chicken with sexuality issues, and a protagonist that morphs between financially incapable dude and the title’s generously proportioned reptile.
Set in a part of Texas that no-one’s sending postcards from, Big Lizard is welcome pairing of champion mojo storyteller Joe R. Lansdale and his clearly talented son Keith.
Their overweight hero Buster Nix lands a job at a fast-food joint where patrons can choose the tastiest-looking chicken to be slaughtered, like picking a lobster at a seafood restaurant, only less fancy and more feathery. Those on the more sociopathic end of the hunger spectrum can also butcher the animal themselves.
Before long we find out the proprietor of Pick-A-Chicken is in cahoots with a demon. Buster bumbles his way into a ceremony to ensure the chain’s ongoing success, messes it all up and serial carnage ensues in a book that is entertaining, enthralling and all kinds of exciting.
Big Lizard wraps all these themes in one grease-soiled Kafka fever dream involving a smartass talking chicken with sexuality issues, and a protagonist that morphs between financially incapable dude and the title’s generously proportioned reptile.
Set in a part of Texas that no-one’s sending postcards from, Big Lizard is welcome pairing of champion mojo storyteller Joe R. Lansdale and his clearly talented son Keith.
Their overweight hero Buster Nix lands a job at a fast-food joint where patrons can choose the tastiest-looking chicken to be slaughtered, like picking a lobster at a seafood restaurant, only less fancy and more feathery. Those on the more sociopathic end of the hunger spectrum can also butcher the animal themselves.
Before long we find out the proprietor of Pick-A-Chicken is in cahoots with a demon. Buster bumbles his way into a ceremony to ensure the chain’s ongoing success, messes it all up and serial carnage ensues in a book that is entertaining, enthralling and all kinds of exciting.
February 4, 2021
Lansdale & Lansdale can't be stopped. This is a mighty weird one, the weirdest since father Lansdale wrote Zeppelins West. This one is about a pudgy kid with bad knees who gets hired on to be security at a fast food chicken restaurant. He's told to never open this one door, though. Naturally he does and discovers his boss is in charge of a chicken death cult. One thing leads to another leads to this guy getting superpowers. He can transform into a big lizard. The botched ritual transforms his boss into a big chicken. It also turns the guard's best friend Socks into a talking, eye-patch wearing rooster born in a hen's body. And then there's the genius grease monkey kid who runs the rollerskating rink based on Noah's Ark. And that's *still* just the tip of the weirdness iceberg.
If that's not enough to convince you to read this one, I just don't know what to say.
If that's not enough to convince you to read this one, I just don't know what to say.
July 11, 2020
What could be better! Lizards, chickens, cults, teenagers, eyepatches, red sports cars. Imagine Godzilla and Rodan battling it out in the Bible Belt South. With blood and hoodoo.
March 9, 2021
A fun book.
September 4, 2021
A lot of fun and very out there. Classic Lansdales. Their voices go very well together in this collaborative effort. Expect the unexpected
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews