Growing Together: Taking Mentoring Beyond Small Talk and Prayer Requests

by Melissa B. Kruger

Women in all seasons of life can feel alone, longing for encouragement, guidance, and wisdom from someone who has been there before. They would value the wealth of knowledge and wisdom from older women's experiences, but often these women don't feel equipped to offer help. This book is a starting place, meant to be a springboard for mentoring discussions between older and younger women, setting the biblical basis for mentoring from Titus 2 before outlining 11 lessons that guide their time together. Each lesson focuses on a topic such as God's word, prayer, contentment, temptation, and church, with activities for before, during, and after the mentoring session. Younger and older women will grow together as they use these lessons to walk through life together.

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Faith, Christianity, Theology, Discipleship

192 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2020

About the author

Melissa Kruger teaches women at Uptown Church in Charlotte, North Carolina, and at conferences around the country. She regularly writes articles for the Gospel Coalition and Christianity.com, and she is the author of The Envy of Eve. Melissa’s most cherished roles include being a wife to Mike, president of Reformed Theological Seminary–Charlotte, and a mother to her three children, Emma, John, and Kate.

Reviews

[SK · Rating 2 out of 5]

The subtitle of this book piqued my interest. My first thought: Yes, I’d love some insights on how to encourage a small group of Christian women who meet together regularly to move beyond the predictable routine of small chat and prayer requests toward deeper spiritual conversations, mutual accountability, and true friendship. Then my skeptical side kicked in, and I started wondering if we expect friendship too quickly and too cheaply in the 21st century. As C.S. Lewis points out in his great essay on friendship, which I happen to be reading at the moment, true friendship is rare. Without some small talk, how we will ever get to that “Oh, you too?” moment with another person that Lewis describes? It’s tempting to dismiss everyday chat and the routine sharing of prayer requests as somehow unsatisfying, but these are often the means through which we slowly discover those rare people with whom we can enjoy true friendship.

So, in that torn mindset, I read this book with great interest—and was ultimately disappointed. It was the title that led me astray. I expected a whole book on “how to take mentoring beyond small talk and prayer requests” but, unfortunately, only the first chapter deals explicitly with practical tips on how we work toward this goal. The remaining chapters are topical explorations of the Christian life—as one other reviewer puts it aptly, Christianity 101. The topics include church life, prayer, evangelism, contentment, etc. Each chapter concludes with a list of questions that can be used within the context of mentoring, but the questions themselves get repetitive. Re-reading the book description, I can see where the author is coming from: She intends for this book to be used in a mentoring context as a tool to help encourage women to think more deeply about issues related to our Christian growth. It’s just not what I was expecting, thanks to the “how-to” language in the title, and scanning through some of the other less-than-glowing reviews, I can see that I am not the only reader left scratching my head.

In my opinion the first chapter could have been, instead, a useful article, especially if it concluded with list of recommended resources that Christian women can read or study together, along with a sampling of the kinds of questions they might ask each other. But, as a book—I’m not feeling that my ten pounds were well spent.

[Jami Balmet · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book! But to me, the title and subtitle are a bit misleading. I think it can be helpful for thinking through these topics with a new mentee. But I kinda wish the very beginning was what the entire book was about! It left me wanting to go back to Susan Hunt's excellent book on mentoring.

[Becky Pliego · Rating 2 out of 5]

The more I read articles or books on "Women's ministry" the more I see the problems it has caused to the family and the church.

[Ashley Bacon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a gem! The chapters on prayer and contentment were especially encouraging to me. The line, "Your problem isn't with your husband it's with God's will for your life" was a convicting and much needed gut punch.

I was struck by the simplicity yet profoundness of Kruger's call to take mentoring beyond small talk and mere prayer requests. The book recommendations at the end are a great reference tool also!

[Jess Arthur · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is a GREAT book for women who are just starting out in a mentorship relationship. If you have never discipled someone before or are meeting with a Christian who is new to discipleship, this is a great tool. I love the breadth of the Christian life this book covers. I’m confident that by the end of this book, mentors will have a great idea of the areas of spiritual weakness in their mentees that they can come alongside in prayer and instruction. An added bonus is going through this content would result in a mentee learning how to turn around and do the same thing for other women (we love spiritual multiplication!!!).

I will say that the subtitle can appear to be deceiving, but I genuinely think women who are under-equipped in discipleship will find this book an invaluable tool in learning how to deepen their discipleship relationships.

[Ashley Hare 🐇 · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great little book outlining a mentor/mentee relationship within a spiritual development relationship.

[Jocelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A much needed book that contained many, much needed reminders!

[Libby Powell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Growing Together is meant to be used WITHIN a discipling relationship, read separately during the week and used together as a guide during meets.

I did not realize that when I picked this book up, thinking it would offer wisdom on how to lead rather than be used as a study in itself. Was that bad? Well, no, not really. While it wasn't what I expected or wanted to read necessarily for my purposes, I still found it edifying and somewhat useful.

Aside from a few chapters at the very beginning of the book, there's little talk about mentorship itself beyond the basics: what is it? why do we do it? is it necessary? how do we approach it Biblically? etc. The rest of the chapters focus on different and essential aspects of the Christian life, such as prayer, the Word, and the Church, among others. The content was for the most part spot on, albeit basic again - which can be a great thing or a little disappointing, depending on the context of a mentoring relationship. Each chapter ends with a few questions and a challenge to grow, which seem to lend themselves to good discussion and action.

For the purposes this book was meant to fulfill, I think it's a pretty good deal - solid, Biblical teaching, compassionate without being cheesy, and full of wisdom. It's not extraordinarily amazing, but it's also, I think, rare to find a book meant for such a context that has the depth and Biblical focus that Growing Together offers. I found myself encouraged time and again as I read just because each chapter is so saturated in Gospel truth - and I am so often in need of reminders of the Gospel.

So. If you're looking for a book to impart some wisdom as to how to mentor better (as I was)… this book has some basic overview, but there are probably other books that would serve you better. However, if you want a book to guide you and the person you're meeting with through core aspects of the Christian walk, Growing Together might be worth checking out.

[Kristen Rosener · Rating 4 out of 5]

Each summer, the women's ministry at my church chooses a study for the purpose of fostering deeper relationships with the local church body. This summer, various small groups of women met each week to read through "Growing Together: Taking Mentoring Beyond Small Talk and Prayer Requests." I thoroughly enjoyed meeting with my group every Monday night to share what we learned from this book. The conversations were fun, lengthy, and stirring.

I will say that the title and subtitle gave me certain expectations that were not met. I expected to find lists and a lot of practical ideas for scheduling a profitable time together. This book does not give that. However, while Chapters 1 and 2 deliver brief examples of what mentoring can look like, the focus was not on how it should look, but on what it should entail. The latter chapters show us the heart of mentoring (and truthfully, they show us the heart of every great friendship as well), exploring issues that must be part of regular conversation if you're desire is to grow beyond "small talk and prayer requests." Going deeper in your relationship means discussing God's Word, family dynamics, temptations, suffering, prayer, what it means to serve, and growing in wisdom. Mentoring is not about following a formula, it is about doing life side by side as you move toward Christ together.

This is a wonderful resource with soul-searching questions at the end of each chapter that encourage authenticity and spiritual depth. I highly recommend every woman read it.

[John Pawlik · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this and am assigning it to small group leaders, it was excellent! Best recourse for discipleship I have seen so far, intended for women but good for men to read as well. Kruger is excellent in everything and the book is also designed that you could walk through it with another person if you wanted to.

[Allison Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid chapters and good reflection questions. I read this with a mentor so we could gauge if it would be good for mentoring college girls, and will probably use it in the future. Some chapters are a little longer than needed, but overall good.

[Stephanie Greer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this made me so grateful for the women who have invested me over the years and gave a hopeful vision and direction for mentoring opportunities. I appreciated how solid and practical the book is, especially the questions that go with each chapter. Will be referring back to this!

[Eliza Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow this is excellent. I want to get people in church onto this. Such a great picture of discipleship. Doing life together.

[Brittany Rosentreter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource for women’s discipleship. Nothing earth-shattering, but I think that’s the point! One small step of faithfulness at a time. Wonderful tool for learning how to grow in community.

[Addie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty solid. Not quite a how-to guide, more of a helpful tool for generating discussion within a mentoring relationship. Works well when both parties are willing to honestly ask and reflect on hard questions. Geared towards women, but frankly much of the content and most of the questions are quite widely applicable. I'm a fan of anything that gets Christians thinking more seriously about their faith, so I'll definitely be borrowing some questions to use as general conversation starters.

[Kaylee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great resource. I really enjoyed the premise of the book, the writing, and the application. Formal mentoring is a regular part of my week so I read this book to see how I could strengthen the mentoring I'm already involved in. For a new mentor this book is a great guide, set up for you to read alongside the woman you are mentoring. For a more experienced mentor, this book has great advice and well thought through wisdom to enhance your time with your mentees.

Updated: I see in other reviews that some are frustrated by the "Christianity 101" approach of this book. I believe it's important to return to "the basics" for any believer but even more so in a mentoring relationship when we are mentoring younger or newer Christians. I agree that small talk and prayer requests are important in their own right but I have also experienced mentoring relationships that tend to remain in the "friends getting together for coffee" arena (wonderful for friends, not what I'm pursuing as a mentor or desire as a mentee). This book helps mentors address the foundational blocks of the Christian life, giving accountability and drawing the mentee out to see how she is living and applying these truths. When there are weaknesses in those foundational blocks of the Christian life, they will contribute to the things that arise in the "small talk" and prayer requests.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yet another book unhelpfully branded as "for women" when the topics and truths it discusses are completely applicable across the church. I find this baffling.

The example questions for discussion in a 1-2-1, organised by spiritual subject, are really useful. Though friends of mine were debating recently whether it's actually wise to have a programme of topics like this at all - or whether we should just get together and read the Bible.

[Amanda Geaney · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars - A good tool.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had the best conversations based out of this book over the past five months with my discipleship group of women at church 🫶🏻

[Alistair Chalmers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Discipleship is not an optional add-on to Christianity, but sometimes it can feel strange and it might not always be easy to go from small talk to speaking about the depths of your soul. This book is designed to help, it is written specifically for women, but I think that everyone would benefit from it. In the first two chapters Kruger walks through the concept of mentoring, the biblical examples and she offers practical advice on how to develop a mentoring relationship. In the following nine chapters Kruger provides a curriculum to help guide your time together. The chapters are written in a really helpful pattern; they discuss what the Bible says about a topic, why we struggle to follow that teaching and how do we live biblical truths in light of the gospel?

This format, together with the homework in advance, the reflection questions for the meeting and the ‘home-work’ after the meeting make this book really helpful. Maybe you’ve never been mentored but you see the responsibility to teach and train younger women in your church, this book would be a great tool to help you along the way. Why not consider buying a few copies and starting a few individual studies, or a small group of women studying this book together? I would highly recommend this book, to anyone, but especially to women (the target audience for it).

[Bex Purdue · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so much more than a book about mentoring. Really helpful chapters on mentoring and great resources at the end of each chapter to aid a mentoring relationship but it was the exploration through 9 chapters into the different aspects of the Christian walk that foster a persons relationship with God which made me love this book.

“The simple daily steps of bible reading, church attendance, evangelism, prayer, loving others, fighting temptation, serving the church, learning contentment, and growing in discernment lead us on a path of blessing because they lead us to Jesus.”

[Lauren Gock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved reading this book! Each chapter focuses on a different topic and includes several reflective questions to facilitate discussion.

I particularly enjoyed the chapter on contentment and prayer. Our contentment isn't rooted in our current circumstances but in the unchanging character of God. The more we know God, the more trusting we are of him and the more confidence we have that he always works for our good.

Would highly recommend especially for people who don't know where to begin when meeting up with someone.

[Shannon Hrinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 rounded down

The content of the chapters was very basic and lacking depth imo. The author’s stories in each chapter stand out in my memory much more than any analysis of Scripture or Biblical truths. However, the questions at the end of each chapter are designed very well, and would be a great tool to use when starting a discipling relationship with someone.

Although everything I have seen from Melissa Kruger so far has been sound theologically, this book included, the more I look into some of her associations, I am wary to recommend her, and view her with a yellow flag because of that.

[Maja Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical advice, offered thoughtfully, humbly, and compassionately. Mrs. Kruger's thoughts and words have blessed me these past several years. The progression of the chapters and the content therein were clearly and logically organized. I think I would just take half a star off because a number of the discussion questions would ask something along the lines of "Do you identify as an [a], [b], or [c]?" and it would be the first time that terminology of a/b/c was laid out, so I would kind of have to guess based off the content of the preceding chapter what the question meant. But still a lovely reference book that I will find myself referring to in the future! Thank you TGC for sending me the ebook for free!

[Amy Solomon · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book started a little slow for me, but a chapter or two in, it got into some really solid subjects and I definitely took a lot away from the book. I'd say a great book to go through with another woman.

[Cory Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recommend this enough. This is a ready made resource for those who desire to walk together in a discipleship relationship. It models it well and gives great recommendations on future resources. It also teaches through example how to ask great questions.

[Alaina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this on Audio and want to now buy it as a physical resource to lend/use/have! A great practical and Biblical book on mentoring and being mentored. Highly recommend!

[Kali · Rating 4 out of 5]

I so enjoyed this book. It would be a perfect book to read alongside with a mentor or mentees but you can also use it as a guide as the chapters provide topic ideas to discuss and grow.

[Hannah Jayne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t know how well it works as a hands on guide to a mentor/mentee relationship, didn’t realize that’s what it was till I had it open so I just kept reading. If I ever am in a decidedly mentor/mentee situation though I’d probably come back to it. It has good beginner christian living wisdom, and sometimes that’s what we need. Just, to remember. It seems solidly Biblical, and even without a discussion partner has good questions and thought-exercises to meditate on.

[Krista · Rating 5 out of 5]

2024 titus 2 summer read with Adele. Really enjoyed it. Lots of great questions to guide discussion and get to know each other.