From Lost to Found: Giving Up What You Think You Want for What Will Set You Free

by Nicole Zasowski

Being Lost is the First Step to Getting Found 

As a marriage and family therapist, one of Nicole Zasowski’s greatest joys is helping her clients grow in emotional freedom. What she couldn’t see for many years is that she was living her own life outside of that freedom, clinging to behaviors like shame, performance, and control in order to feel valued and safe.

It was only when she was confronted with her own devastating pain and loss that Nicole realized her current way of life was failing her. She then discovered that sometimes God’s rescue looks like prying our fingers off what we think we want so that we can receive what we truly need. And often, on the far side of pain we don’t prefer, we find transformation we would not trade. 

In From Lost to Found, Nicole shares her story as she helps us

name what we fear losing most, identify how our reactive behaviors are failing us, discover what joy we can find in letting go, and move forward in the freedom God has for us.

God is writing a story of redemption in your life too. Find out for yourself that sometimes the greatest joy is found when we are drained of all misplaced hope and shallow identities. In the midst of pain or transition, discover a surprising path to healing as you lose your grip on comfort and control—and fall right into God’s transformative grace.

Includes discussion questions for individual reflection or small group study

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Personal Development, Christian Non Fiction

222 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 28, 2020

Reviews

[Nursebookie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this amazing book that provided inspiration and strength when life doesn’t quite pan out the way we imagine it to be. Nicole Zasowski’s experience as a marriage and family therapist, provides guidance as she helps people grow in emotional freedom by sharing her own examples and journey to what sets her free.

I loved the discussion questions in each of the sections which helps when looking at our own experiences introspectively and a chance for self reflection.

I highly enjoyed this read and recommend as a Christian book to guide those going through pain, loss, and hardships in life.

[Courtney McLean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Through Nicole’s personal story, every page of From Lost To Found details letting go of unhealthy (yet often hidden or subtle) habits that keep us stuck experiencing the same patterns of fear or discontentment. As a Marriage & Family therapist, her professional background and experiences enable her to speak into hard things like miscarriage from not only a psychological view but a deeply personal one. Reading From Lost to Found showed me how my feelings of stress and lack of peace were largely occurring due to my own control issues. What I thought was “happening to me” was really the product of my own lack of surrender to God, masked by “hard work”. Nicole’s words have a lightness in tone but a heaviness in impact and application. I am so thankful for her vulnerable story of loss and admission of shortcomings, that enabled me to move forward in peace having let go of what I’d been clinging to unknowingly: my own plans. In exchange, she speaks to how God replaces our empty hands with Himself when we open ourselves to receive Him. Goodness, read this book if you’re feeling stuck, struggling to change, unsure of where you are “in your own way”, or just longing for refreshment. She brings it, and God is mighty in her.

[Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone that likes to think they have control out there? How’s that goin’ for ya? If you’re anything like me, that illusion of control has been shattered multiple times. (Deaths, illnesses, even day-to-day…) Often I’ve had to reassess and realign my heart with God’s, allowing his will to take over as he alone fills the empty. God is so faithful and I appreciate who he is growing me to be even though empty is not enjoyable.
From Lost to Found by Nicole Zasowski was fantastic. She too has been through many difficulties in life and told her story in a way that was so relatable, it could have been my own. It was uplifting, validating, and encouraging to read the journey on which God has taken Nicole, and especially encouraging to read because she coupled her story seamlessly with biblical connections. As I read, I was over and over again reminded of God’s character and love for me (for all of us).

[Amanda Cottrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I have been waiting for! I am a counselor and I practice mainly with Restoration Therapy, as well as live by the things I have learned in becoming a practitioner. I am constantly talking about these principles and tools with my friends and peers and I am ecstatic that now there is a book with this knowledge, shared through Nicole's story, which is so relatable. Nicole is such a gifted writer and I am so thankful for the things I learned in the book, as well as how humbly she shared so that we might learn and grow. I can't wait to read it again with my book study ladies, starting next week!

[K.J. Ramsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of us aren't living easy stories. We ache, fear, and sigh, wondering if we somehow missed grace or maybe won't see God and joy again until life somehow gets easier. You don't need theological truth to wake up to grace, as much as I love digging into a thick theological tome. You need to be led by the nose and heart into a story where grace finds us. This book, well, it will take you there.

Nicole has a gift for rich, beautiful storytelling. I found myself soaking in the delight of how she strings words together with emotional honesty and earthy vibrancy. The sheer beauty of Nicole's words will envelop you in warmth while you read. The comfort of an honest guide alone is worth the price of the book.

From Lost to Found is also studded with helpful truths and powerful reframing statements. It will help you reassess and reimagine your posture toward your story and the pain within it. As a therapist and writer working from an interpersonal neurobiology framework, I did at times find Nicole's emphasis on believing the truth over lies to be lacking in nuance of how we cannot actually simply believe our way into better lives. Faith, along with ourselves, is embodied and relational; sometimes when we emphasize the lies we have believed, we do not adequately acknowledge the relational history and embodied need we have to experience a better story. I would have loved to see a more embodied view of how we experience our stories and emotions in this book. However, it's kind, wise, full of beautiful truth, and well worth reading. If you are needing a companion in your places of pain and some gentle truth in reconsidering your story, you'll find it in From Lost to Found.

[Stephanie Thurling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every page of this book spoke to my heart. Nicole writes her story in a vulnerable and honest, yet strong way. Every step of the way she points the reader back to God and His faithfulness. You will be encouraged that no matter what you are going through or what expectations you have, we have a faithful God who holds us tight. I love that she uses personal stories, Scripture, and her expertise in marriage and family therapy to relay her message. I will be passing this book on to all my friends!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being Lost is the First Step to Getting Found.

As a marriage and family therapist, one of Nicole Zasowski’s greatest joys is helping her clients grow in emotional freedom. What she couldn’t see for many years is that she was living her own life outside of that freedom, clinging to behaviors like shame, performance, and control in order to feel valued and safe.

In From Lost to Found, Nicole shares her story of discovery and guides the reader to start the same journey by:

• Naming what we fear losing most
• Identifying how our reactive behaviors fail us
• Discover the joy of letting us
• Walk towards the freedom God has for us

Each section includes discussion questions for individual reflection, which enables the reader to go beyond “just reading a book” and make lasting change in their lives.

I really enjoyed the experience in working through this book, there were so many hopeful nuggets of information I needed to hear.

[Mary Frances · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is filled with gold nuggets wrapped in the transparent and genuine personal reflections of someone who has wrestled with deep questions, loss of dreams and expectations and discovered that Christ is the solid rock upon which we can anchor our hope, joy, and peace to. I’d love to read this book with a small group of women and chew on the discussion questions she provides at the end of each section.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this beautifully inspired book spoke to me on so many levels and really reminded me that all that we go through is not meant for our suffering but to ultimately encourage us as we move forward. Our paths are so unique and all created for our greater good as long as we lean on our Healer and walk with Jesus through it all. Nicole is a wealth of wisdom and enthusiasm towards our walk with Christ. I highly recommend this brave memoir to lift up yourself and others!

[Kassie Joslin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used this as my personal devotional for 2 months, and it was a good but not transformative read. I appreciated how she told stories from life, connected to stories from scripture, and how easy it was to read. I definitely connected with a lot of what she said, but some of it wasn’t anything new or different.

[Rosann S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

From Lost to Found is an enlightening tale of hope. Nicole Zasowski, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is engaging and encouraging as she shares, vulnerably, about her struggles with control, perfectionism, and discouragement with unfulfilled expectations. Nicole states, “this is not my story of finding God. This is my story about a God who did everything to find me” (pg. 195). And, a beautiful story it is! This book has reassured me that God is writing my story.
It is for anyone who has struggled with disappointment, unmet expectations, or surrendering to God’s plan. From Lost to Found will meet you right where you are and open your eyes to the God who is doing everything to find you.

[Shay · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you struggle with perfectionism, performance, or knowing your identity as a beloved child of God, this book is for you. With vulnerability, warmth, and wisdom, Nicole shares her own journey of giving up what she thought she wanted to find what she really needed. I’ve never met Nicole; but as I read, her story resonated so strongly with me that I felt like I was having coffee with a friend. There is much freedom to be found in this beautiful book. You’ll want to order extra copies for friends!

[Cassie D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicole’s story helps us to see how giving up our tight grasp on how we think our life should look brings freedom in living in God’s perfect plan. He knows the big picture; we don’t. The joy found in letting go and trusting God is incredible.

“In my experience, God reaches us and nourishes us in different ways during seasons we are tempted to call ‘ugly.’ And the most beautiful growth often sprouts from those seasons we don’t prefer.” I love this quote from Nicole’s book!

[Joy Hartl · Rating 5 out of 5]

The way Nicole speaks of her story in light of Gods truth is authentic and encouraging. Her story is so relatable and that of so many. The depth of pain and joy she has walked through and the way loss plays a part in her experience of true joy is so insightful. An easy read packed with good nuggets and truth the whole way through.

[Sophia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author wrote a raw, vulnerable, completely honest book! The content comes from her own story and struggles that anyone can relate to on some level. It is a deeply personal story with practical and points that direct your attention to the God who knows us. I love this book because I relate best to people stories from their own life. I think others will find this refreshing and helpful.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that you don't want to speed read through. It will make you stop and think about your life and how you are living. The questions at the end of each chapter will help you dig deeper. The author is very open and raw with her story about how she let go and found freedom in God. I received an ARC copy from the author via NetGalley and was not required to write a review. All opinions expressed are my own.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're looking for a friend to tell you exactly how God sees you and seeks you EVEN when you feel completely unworthy, this is the book for you. If you're looking for an honest look at anxiety, pain, and heartache, this book is for you. If you want to be told that your life will be easy because you've found Jesus, I'm sorry, but this isn't the book for you (and praise God that's true!).

FULL REVIEW HERE - http://hannahoxley.com/from-lost-to-f...

[Lindsay Bryant]

This book is a balm to my soul. Every page explodes with bombs of truth that have pierced through to my weary soul. The author has written a book that is for everyone and brings a wave of hope into this world that feels absolutely hopeless. If you need a voice for your own story of pain, then this is the book for you. I highly recommend this book.

I was given an advanced readers copy of this book and the opinions expressed are completely my own.

[Bianca · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author of this book is clearly a religious person as she invokes divinity repeatedly. I am not religious and I'm not sure that I believe in any sort of higher power so this is definitely not a book for me. I take full responsibility for not reading the description and reviews more carefully before purchasing it.

[Abbi Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that took me a while to read because I wanted to stop and soak in the good truth nuggets that were all over each chapter. I recommend this book for anyone; she does touch a lot on grief & pain. Here are some of my favorite quotes until you can read the entire book:

1. “We do not love each other without changing each other.” MADELEINE L'ENGLE (my thoughts: I just thought this was so counter cultural. We are a very independent society.
Iron sharpens iron (and to sharpen raw metal it must encounter another substance that is harder -but applied at the correct angle- and I think this is pretty symbolic to accountability. When my friends correct me I get pretty angry and hurt because it's sharp to my ego, until I take a step back and realize how good it is they set me free. BUT there is a correct angle to help your friends: out of love)

2. “There is risk involved with deep relationships. But as I'm learning in so many areas of my life, playing it safe only keeps us dangerously distant from what is truly good. It's better here. Showing up with your messy, honest self and making life a team sport will always be worth it.”

3. “Pain has a way of making us selfish to the point that our hurt and personal desires are all that matter. We become myopic about our own dreams and worries, and it is very difficult to see through our own perspective to another's point of view.”

4. “No one tells you that being comfortable is the worst thing that can happen to you. I was not looking to be rescued from the life I always wanted and worked hard to achieve. But I had been dreaming dreams that were too small and was content with a life I could make with my own two hands. This comfortable life was about as helpful and wise as treating cancer with anesthetic. My way of living only kept me numb to my need for healing. Sir Francis Drake is thought to have once prayed the prayer I didn't know I needed in those California days:

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves, When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life, We have ceased to dream of eternity And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.?”

5. “Maybe the secret to security is not something that can be earned or manufactured from the outside but is making God the one source of our actions and the only object of our worship. Was it possible that my worry was a gracious clue that I, too, had not been willing to make Jesus the one treasure in my life? Perhaps my anxiety was a product of trying to serve the idols in my heart.”

6. “EVER SINCE ADAM AND EVE ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, recognized their nakedness, and felt shame, the human race (regardless of culture) has been prone to hiding. We have become people who are tempted to shield our private selves with carefully constructed public selves. Adam and Eve physically hid themselves with fig leaves. We don't tend to use foliage in this way anymore, but we are a people familiar with hiding, aren't we? And hiding doesn't just look like withdrawal. Hiding is anything we do to try to protect ourselves from pain: blame, shame, con-trol, or escape.”

7. “ Jesus said that those who mourn are blessed. Those words challenged my assumptions about what it means to be blessed. I viewed blessing as the absence of suffering. I saw myself as more special when I was the hero of the story-when my own efforts saved me from the pit of grief. I saw myself as safer when I was numb to the sting of loss. But Jesus spoke a different truth. "Those who mourn . . . will be comforted" Jesus said (Matthew 5:4), telling us the good news that grief-in all its messiness ar ugliness--can be an avenue of God's grace in our lives.”

8. “We need not look further than the manger for assurance that the magnitude of the moment doesn't determine the measure of the miracle.”

And lastly she leaves us with good truths to repeat to ourselves in times of pain:

"I know that God sees and cares deeply that my heart is broken.
"I know that I am safe in God's economy.
"I know that God is good, and He is actively moving in my life.
"I know that God has the whole picture, and I only have a piece.
"I know that this pain will not be wasted.
"I know that I have the comfort of the Holy Spirit available to me. I am not alone.
"I know that the Savior is more powerful than the storm.
"I know that even in the darkness, God's glory shines bright.
"I know this is the truth, and I choose to believe it."

[Whitney Merritt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not a person who typically savors things. I talk fast, walk fast, eat fast, and I am usually moving on to the next thing I want to do just as I am starting something.

But this book, I savored it. I didn’t want to rush through it for the sake of reading it in a week. I needed this message, this truth, to sink in to my heart and mind.

I feel so kindred to Nicole. Our stories are similar, how we’ve walked through some really hard stuff in our first years of marriage - miscarriage, job change, health concerns, waiting, disappointment, fear.... BUT also HEALING.

God used, in both of our lives, the hardest seasons that we would never ask for, to strip us of our self protecting tendencies and defense mechanisms - in order to walk in the freedom of all He made us to be WHILE knowing Him more intimately.

Her story helped me remember what God is doing and has done in my life. How some of my unhealthy coping skills I developed along the way have been replaced by healthier behaviors during these really hard seasons. Only God. Only He can take from us what we think we need and give us the healing and wholeness we actually need. He really does work all things for our good, even when it doesn’t look and certainly doesn’t feel good.

This book is her story of losing the self she thought she needed to be - performance driven, an overachiever, and successful in order to feel worthy to become who she really is - loved, chosen, and enough - without the accolades, accomplishments, and need for control.

Throughout the book she feels like both a close friend and the best counselor (she is a marriage and family therapist).

Read this book, and you, too, may find that it is in the hard seasons where you lose old habits, thought patterns, and behaviors and find freedom, healing, and wholeness with God as your leader, father and friend. Even as those hard seasons don’t necessarily change or end.

You won’t regret reading this book because, as I’ve learned, hard seasons will come. None of us will escape the pain of this broken world at some point in our lives, but we can trust that those hard seasons produce something more beautiful than we could ever imagine. 💛

[Kelly Shank · Rating 4 out of 5]

What if giving up what the life you love and experiencing the deepest personal losses is the unlikely path to true contentment and joy? In From Lost to Found, Nicole Zasowski shares her unlikely story of leaving behind her home and successful practice to follow her husband’s job across the country. Leaving behind her identity on the west coast, she confronted a new life, new community, new job, and the pain of infertility. With felt like loss was indeed Nicole’s path to God’s goodness and a deeper connection to his purpose for her.

The book in a couple sentences: In From Lost to Found, Nicole Zasowski turns the table on herself. A licensed family therapist, she uses her training and experience as a therapist to delve into her struggles with infertility, doubt, and self-reliance. Her love for her readers and genuine desire to help those who suffer is obvious. Without holding back, she shares stories of breaking down and overcoming her struggles. This book is Nicole’s gift to women in all stages.

What I liked most: Nicole is honest with readers, sharing her pain, suffering, and self-evaluation in a way that’s relatable and comforting. If a successful therapist struggles, it’s ok for us to struggles as well. Her writing style allows readers to imagine her life while also connecting to their personal life.

I might change: I loved Nicole’s book. I would enjoy a guided journal or devotional to dive deeper into the thoughts she stirred in me.

A quote to remember: “No matter what happens, I have choices in how I feel in these years. This doesn’t mean we don’t grieve the losses. It just means we don’t throw out the gifts in our grief. My life is happening right now. Your life is happening right now. And we get to choose how we see it.”

[Jennifer Roland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was first drawn to Nicole's message when I heard her speak on the topic of healing and I immediately ordered her book. In my current season of chronic pain, I was drawn to her statement about where we find our hope: “We don’t have hope because of what we receive. We have hope because of Who we receive.”

Nicole's story is one of heartache and healing, infertility and miscarriage, and uprooting an identity misplaced in worldly things to anchor her true worth in Christ. It's about finding hope outside of circumstance, breaking free from perfectionism and other strongholds, and trusting God will use our pain to transform us into His image. From Lost to Found is told with wisdom and vulnerability, giving a voice to what so many of us feel when walking through seasons of uncertainty. It has become one of my all-time favorite books!

I desperately needed to hear Nicole's words in a season where life felt anything but good, and I know that others will be blessed by her story as well. From Lost to Found provides reassurance that our pain is never wasted, and even though we may never receive answers, God will use it as fertile ground to birth clearer vision, freedom from strongholds, and a deeper connection to Him. I highly recommend her book to anyone seeking hope, peace, and security in Christ.

[Paige Eckhart · Rating 5 out of 5]

ʙᴏᴏᴋ ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ

“The pain of loss had allowed them to see which blessings in their lives really mattered. In the middle of the wreckage, they found joy that lasts.”

I’ve always believed that the books you need to read have a way of finding you. “From Lost to Found” by @nicolezasowski was one of those books for me. I felt like she was speaking into my soul with every chapter as she shared transitions of moving states to support her husband’s career and struggling to find herself in a new community. She spoke of trying to find her worth in her career and in how hard she worked at things and the pains of inadequacy you find when you do that. She shared of her infertility struggles and I felt SEEN in my own struggles. With my pen and highlighter in hand, I found myself underlining so many quotes throughout her book that spoke to me. I found prayer through her words. I saw God working in my own life as I listened to her share how He was working in her life. Nicole’s writing is vulnerable. She opened up her heart with the reader and because of that, I found my own healing.

If you’re feeling a little lost, may I recommend this book?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Trigger Warnings:
⚠️ Multiple miscarriages
⚠️ Infertility

[Shari Summers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love that the author, Nicole Zasowski, shares her journey so freely in this book. No matter what your story is, you will find a piece of yourself in the thoughts and events that Nicole shares. This book is for anyone who has ever felt like their life doesn't look like it's supposed to look. For anyone who questions if God still sees and if He's still there. Nicole states, "One might assume that this is my story about finding God, or at least finding more of Him than I knew before. But if any one of us finds God, it is because HE found us first. No, this is not my story of finding God. This is my story about a God who did everything to find me ... I didn't know I needed rescuing from my own dreams. I had no idea that sometimes the greatest joy is found when we are drained of all misplaced hope and shallow identities. I was blind to the truth that the end of myself is actually the beginning of transformation, where real hope can take root. In what I now recognize to be God's graciousness to me, He gifted me a story that I would have never had the courage to choose for myself - a story that has led me to Him."

[Audrey Wiegel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicole’s voice comes from the unique place of a Christian sister who is a therapist, and writes as a friend and confidant sharing her own private pain and struggles to reveal what our heads cannot fathom – God’s powerful grace of mercy, comfort and healing. She reminds me of how when I find myself knocked down and gazing up at the cross, I see His hands extended in surrender and love, for me, for all of us. Nicole shares her wisdom as a therapist, in this tender and inspiring message of finding her way thru her darkest days; finding herself found, known, loved, cared for and blessed beyond her own limited understanding of herself, her life, her plans - in spite of and in the midst of, her great losses and pain. Her book is inspiring, but most powerfully, gives voice to the struggle we all endure – to know we are known and loved beyond all understanding by Him.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

From Lost to Found left me in tears as I connected so deeply with Nicole’s story of transformation and message of hope in God. We all experience loss and grief throughout life. Nicole tells her story of transformation in such a way that is relatable no matter what pain you have been through. She reminds us in the same way she has been shaped, that it is not about us, our plans, our hopes or dreams that bring us peace and true joy, but that it is God himself who is our abundant joy and hope. I recommend this book to anyone who is wrestling with change, loss, grief, security, place in life, identity, hopelessness, lack of peace...I could go on and on...! From Lost to Found is a treasure and a gift to its readers, an encouragement and reminder that God is our hope, God with us and loves us deeply.

[Lauren Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book over several weeks as I took my time to really process each chapter and let it soak in. I am a professional social worker and work with many clients facing grief/loss and infertility, and this book will be my new resource for them in their journey. I bought it for my clients, but it is more than just a support for infertility, as I found it personally very helpful. I bookmarked and highlighted so many great quotes in this book that I am saving for my future devos and really felt God used the book to speak some very deep truths!!

It is an enjoyable read and I feel as an author she writes with a gentle, kind, and open hearted approach but you can tell she took time to gather her professional knowledge as therapist along with sound spiritual wisdom. I am looking forward to more books in the future!

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredible book and exactly what I needed for this season of my life. My dear friend gifted it to me and God knew this is the time for this book. Over the past few months, I have been really digging deep into what it means to submit to God and be faithful to Him. And as a perfectionist (someone who fears failure), this book was really helpful to point me back to The One who provides love, hope, and peace, The One who guides our steps. It really brings light to how we look for joy and hope in earthly things instead of God who is only one who fills our void. I would recommend this to anyone who feels unfulfilled in life and who wants to grow deeper in her relationship with the Lord. Nicole Zasowski also provides reflection questions throughout the book, which I really appreciate to help me comprehend and apply these godly principles in my life.

[Angie Gibbons · Rating 5 out of 5]

From Lost to Found is a treasure because Nicole is both honest about her humanity and profoundly wise. She doesn’t just lead you through her story, but she unpacks it with the expertise of a seasoned therapist, so you feel you can grow through those experiences as well. I highly recommend this book for anyone going through a hard or mysterious season and wondering where God is, if their faith is strong enough, and if there’s any meaning to the pain in their life. Nicole leads you gently through these kinds of questions and into a place of refreshing faith, hope, and purpose. She is a skilled writer and a great companion to have along on your journey.