... Hm. That was... really boring. Wow. Barjavel, how did you manage to make this so boring?
Ok, so Barjavel's style has always been a little "cucu-la-praline" (read: cheesy/soapy/roll-your-eyes-sweet), but "La nuit des temps" was a fun read so I thought that he could handle writing an exciting version of Arthurian tales.
So the main character is Merlin, but I couldn't tell you a thing about him. Women in this book are one of three things: (1) beautiful and kind, (2) mean and lusty (which equals ugly haha women amiright? *ugh what am I reading*), or (3) old and whiny but in a salt-of-the-arth kind of way so it's cool. Oh wait, there's a fourth category: mothers. They die a lot.
Some highlights:
-Vivian, Merlin's protege, gets pissed that she can't sleep with Merlin but ok, she gets cool powers in return she's fine with it? Also at one point we get through half a scene before the author decides to mention that she's completely naked, at which point Merlin zaps a sheer dress for her. What... what was the point? It's sheer? And also why is she naked? WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE ok never mind I don't want to know.
-Arthur has no personality. None.
-Merlin's whole mission is to find a virgin man (or at least a faithful married man) who can go find the Holy Grail for everyone. And he fails miserably so many times. By the time Lancelot screws it up, Merlin decides that humans just can't raise flawless virgin grail-sleuths and just raises Galahad in a tree. There. Try finding a lady in a tree, why don't you. (I mean, it did work, so I guess it wasn't totally dumb?)
-Guinevere spends the first half of the novel wondering why Morgan loves sex so much because frankly Arthur is nothing to write home about and she doesn't see what the fuss is about.
-Morgan makes a deal with the Devil, which doesn't stop the Devil from making fun of her plans and being an all-round asshole when something goes wrong with her plans to sleep with everyone ever. Great.
-Kay gets beat up a lot. He usually has it coming. One of his black eyes is because he was talking about a giantess's boobs and miming her breasts with his hands, and her son (shrunk down to human size) just loses it and tries to kill him. Ok, fair.
-Human-sized giant-kinght and Lancelot argue over whose mom is the prettiest and LITERALLY JOUST TO THE DEATH to decide who is right. Merlin has to settle the matter by saying "They're each the prettiest in their respective universes" and then guys are like "oh ok then nice fight bro haha our moms rule." Dear god what is this.
-The same human-sized giant has kids with a human lady, and then Merlin says it's time for him and his blood relatives to head on back to giant-land and go back to being giant-sized. Oh, your wife? I mean, she can go with you but she'll be tiny forever. The solution? The wife decides to let her kids go with their dad and she stays behind to join a convent where there's another mom whose kids were taken away from her.
-Merlin tells Vivian to go save some kids whose royal parents have just escaped their plundered capital. The king gets killed, the queen runs away with her sons, and then Vivian jumps her, STEALS THE CHILDREN, and runs off despite the queen yelling at her WHAT THE HELL GIVE ME BACK MY KIDS. And then the queen loses it and goes to join a nunnery.
There are a lot of nunneries in this book, lots of violence, and no character development whatsoever. None. Zilch. Oh, and lots of women pining for men and lots of sex in the most sexless way possible. The author also leaves a mostly blank page in the middle that only the words: "this page is blank so Guinevere and Lancelot can have sex in privacy." Ok. Sure. Why not.
All in all, this version made me miss Tennyson. I mean, Tennyson hates women in Arthurian legends, but at least he makes the women he hates INTERESTING. I'd be rather be angry and entertained than bored and confused.
Recommended only if you want to read words in French. That's it. There are other books to choose from in that category.